Are you always your authentic self or do you have different personnas for different environments?
Do you alter your voice for different people or when in different settings?
Are you quieter around some people and bolder around others? Or are you just you, the same you all the time no matter who you’re with or where you are? Now, I’m not referring to toning down ourselves for a situation such as, we’re in church so we have to whisper. That doesn’t alter who we are just because we lowered our voice. I’m referring to our personalities. Often, people change their characters or personality to fit in with their surroundings, either because they feel pressured (from outside influences, or their own pressure put upon themselves).
I am me. Often, when I meet people in person who I’d previously only spoken to on phone or online and when we meet, they tell me I’m just how I sound. My bubbly personality is my usual mode (when I’m not in grieving mode). Those who know me and/or my books, know that I am the same me whether I’m talking on my blog, social media, or writing a book. Of course, I’m a nonfiction author, meaning all my stories are my truth. So naturally, my writing will sound the same everywhere, even in comments. But in everyday life, and certainly on social media, many people disguise their real personality.
Some people try to be someone they’re not, especially when trying to impress another, or perhaps because they feel insecure around someone who may be more well-known or popular, or perhaps when around an authority type. Others may become shrinking violets around stronger personalities, whereas, others may come off as bullyish when they can’t take the spotlight.
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I’ll use my mother, who was a staunch narcissist, as an example of switching characters:
My mother had a special, what me and my siblings used to refer to as her ‘pretendy’ voice. My mother had a constant need to be the most popular, the most beautiful, the absolute center of attention anywhere she went, and often, she’d lie and pretend to be more than who she was if opportunity struck. When she was around people she wanted to impress, she’d use ‘that’ voice. It drove us kids crazy. Her inauthenticity never failed to catch our attention, and quietly, me and my siblings would chuckle and give each other the eyeroll when our mother went in ‘performance’ mode. In these instances, her voice would go up an octave when introduced to or introducing someone, especially with one who had lots of money. My mother was always trying to impress anyone who would fawn over her.
As I grew up I studied my mother since I was a young child. When I was very young, I idolized my mother because I felt like I was living with a movie-star-like mother. But once I turned six or seven, I became a quick-study. I began to realize that how my mother treated my father wasn’t right. And by the time I was eleven, I was so on to her. I’d already lived so much under her rule by then, I watched and listened intensely to her behavior. I realized she had a whole ‘nother side to her personality, a very manipulative one. And I knew that she was fearless and would stoop to anything to get her way for anything she wanted to have or do.
I used my mother as an example of how people’s behaviors demonstrate how and who they are. Not everyone is always their authentic selves. But as it turned out in my case, I was lucky I was intuitive and observant because looking back, I can see how easy it could have been to become a follower instead of learning how not to be like her. I took the higher road in life and have no regrets. I learned how important it was to be authentic, never wanting to become a phony like my mother was. And most likely, my growing up life was inspired by my young life, which helped shape me to become authentic, one who learned to call out bullshit and injustice, and ultimately, a writer who is compelled to speak truth.
I suppose I could easily have become a fictional writer, given the colorful background of my young life, where escape stories were my go to. But as I grew older, I chose to write about truth in my stories instead of hiding them under the cover of fiction.
“Be yourself, everyone else is taken.” – Oscar Wilde
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I am me. Are you, you?
©DGKaye2023
DGKayewriter.com 