Welcome to my Sunday Book Review – something a little different. Kismet happened. The book I recently finished, didn’t make it to the cut for a Sunday Book Review. My mantra about reviewing books is – if I can’t give it at least four stars, how can I recommend it here to my polished readers? And as serendipity happens, I received an email from Resa McConaghy, telling me she was writing one of her ‘classic Resa book reviews’ for my book! If you aren’t familiar with Resa, she’s an amazing artist, writer, photographer, fashion gown designer, and one of the most unique book reviewers I’ve met. I was absolutely stoked when Resa contacted me to collaborate with her by answering select questions.
Today’s Sunday Book Review is a reblog of my interview with Resa.
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About the Real Stages of Grief
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How does one review a heart, soul and mind book like this? Does one say it’s well written? It answers very human questions in an ordinary way that all can understand? Many of us will go through this, so it’s a helpful read?
A Journey Through Loss
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Written by D.G.Kaye, after the death of her husband, the love of her life; this helpful book speaks from the pain of experience. She is not a therapist, nor a psychiatrist, nor a professional healer of any sort. And she is right up front about that fact.
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In her own words “I devoured books on everything from grief to the afterlife, always striving to make sense of the roller coaster ride I was on,”
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I think the best way to impart something more of this book is to speak directly to D. G.
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Resa – The cover of your book has the words: Shock, Fog, Anger, Triggers, Guilt, Anxiety and Denial swirling in a circle. At first I thought the words were repeating in order, but upon a closer look, I realize that they are not in any order, but do repeat.How did you come up with it? Why the words are not in any order?
D.G. – For this cover, the concept came to me immediately.
Grief is like an ongoing spiral with ups and downs. The words inside are just some of the phases grievers experience. The fact that the words are in no particular order and some not repeated is precisely how grief works.
We may visit phases over and over again through time, and some may dissipate with time. Thus, the grief spiral is far from linear but, more chaotic.
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It was above 0c and cloudy out, not a peep of sun in the sky. A perfect day to shoot a shadow free piece of wall art, that seemed perfect for this post. It was only a 20 minute walk to get there.
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Suddenly, as I arrived, it became a sunny day with nary a cloud in the sky. There was a barren tree’s shadow over the painting. I shot it anyway. To me, there is something poetic in this image, that relates to grief – something about the shadow.
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Resa – Debby, can you see why I think that? Can you put it into words?
D.G. – Oh wow Resa. I love the shot with the tree’s shadow. If I were to relate it to grief I would say that when you love deep, it’s like carrying sunshine in your heart. And when you lose that love of your life, despite all the horribleness, there will be days when the obstinate clouds clear and the sun shines through, although the shadow of grief is never too far away.
Resa – Perfectly, poetically and profound said.
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After the pics were taken, there was still not a cloud in the sky. So, I hopped on a streetcar, heading home. About 3 stops later, Suddenly, it clouded over. There was nary a crack of sun to find.
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Resa – This seemed mystical to me, Debby. Does this touch you, or am I just a sentimentalfool?
D.G. – Oh no Resa, you may be sentimental – like me, but no fool. I love that you were working on this post and came across these poignant images in your travels.
Remembering that grief is love with nowhere to go, the image reminds that even without sunshine, the shadow of love always sticks with us. Not to mention, it reminds me of the Tree of Life – rain or shine, we are branches off the Tree of Life where memories live deep within, sometimes shadowed, but always there.
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Please head over to Resa’s blog to read the conclusion of this heartfelt and beautiful display of Resa’s copyrighted artwork and mural captures she chose to weave through our words . . .
Welcome to my Sunday Book Review. Today I’m happy to share a humorous book by Cheryl Spears. Cheryl is a friend of mine who is primarily a children’s author with her Finn the Kitty books. But Cheryl has strayed for this new Bogie series, more geared toward ages teens and up. A lot of scarcastic humor here from Bogie the Cat.
Bogie’s Verdict: Humans are clumsy, noisy, emotionally confusing—and occasionally delightful, especially when snacks are involved. He’s not signing up to join their chaotic species full-time, but he’ll supervise from a sunlit window ledge, tail curled, eyes half-closed, secretly entertained. While Bogie may never truly understand humanity, he has enough material to fuel his perceptions for nine lives—and then some.
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My 5 Star Review:
This book is hilarious.
Honestly, I’m not much of a feline person, but that didn’t stop me from reading this humorous telling from Bogie about how he really feels about life and people. As he likes to refer to himself as a ‘therapist with fur’, Bogie isn’t shy to tell us how he feels about his cushy cat life. He shares what makes him happy, what puzzles him, what pisses him off, and even provides a day in the life of his life list to let us know exactly how he spends his day. He’ll even rate some of the things he particular likes and dislikes, complete with paws to demonstrate his ratings. Bogie isn’t shy to tell us about naps, distractions on humans, the importance of hanging out on a keyboard, or share his complaints about vacuum cleaners.
The cartoon illustrations in this book are both clever and funny. Bogie sets the rules straight about what he will and will not put up with. So, if you are sometimes miffed a little about what cats are thinking, how they spend their days, their judgments, preferences, and dislikes, Bogie will give you his unfettered truth. And the bonus with all this is that Bogie is actually hilarious.
I was recently invited for an author interview on the Booksmart show with Welsh author Judith Barrow on the Welsh based online TV station – Showboat.TV .
Admittedly, this is my first live ‘video’ interview. It was a fantastic experience and an eye-opener about how animated I look on video. But I’m sure if you tied my hands up, I wouldn’t be able to speak. Lol. We had a lovely pre-chat and after-chat, especially being that Judith and I have been friends for almost ten years and have never chatted before face-to-face.
The interview is approximately twenty minutes long. So, if you’d like to join us by listening to Booksmart, you will pick up a few tips on what it’s like to be writing nonfiction and memoir as opposed to fiction.
Showboat is a paid for online TV show app. There is a small membership to join, but thankfully, many interviews are given FREE showing for a week. Right now, and for the rest of the week, and possibly for two, you can watch our interview live on Showboat TV by clicking on the link below.
I do hope you get a chance to listen. As always, I’d love your feedback. I hope you enjoy!
Welcome to my Sunday Book Review. I was very much looking forward to Carol Balawyder’s newest release – The Lilac Notebook, and Carol’s books never disappoint. Carol’s story is a delicious mixture of broken and dubious characters. This murder mystery encompasses much more than just murders, always left with a calling card – a post card of Vincent Van Gogh’s, Starry Night.
The author takes on the challenge of early onset Alzheimer’s, as her protagonist Holly is navigating through beginning stages of the horrible disease, and in the process, her incompassionate husband Roy, leaves her, although he agrees to take care of her financially (isn’t that charming?). And once Holly sets up her new life and apartment near McGill University in Montreal, she decides to take a poetry class there to keep her mind sharp. While there, she befriends Kim and Amelia, both victims of childhood abuse, but they’ve digested their horrors in different ways, and so both of them are affected different ways.
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Blurb:
Three university friends. One in the early stages of Alzheimer’s, another out for revenge and a third murdered.
Holly Baranov is in the beginning stages of fast advancing Alzheimer’s at 40. Unwilling to care for her, Holly’s husband leaves her. While frightened to be on her own, Holly is relieved to be freed from the clutches of a controlling husband.
She moves out of her large home in the middle-class west end section of Montreal and into a small apartment near McGill University where she enrols in a poetry course in the hopes of stimulating her brain.
There she meets Kim Harris, a thirty-something beautiful but damaged law student and Amelia Rose, a twenty-year-old pole dancer in a seedy nightclub who wants nothing more than to graduate, teach high school, marry and raise a family. Both Kim and Amelia were victims of incest, though each see her perpetrator differently. Kim chose law so as to right the justice she was denied while Amelia is angry at the justice system for separating her from a flawed father who was nonetheless her whole world. When Amelia is found strangled in her apartment, Holly becomes involved in the investigation, both as prime suspect and as a means to defend herself.
Detective Alice Vireovich and her rookie partner, Detective Dan Cardoni, currently investigating the murders of two middle aged men, are also tasked with investigating Amelia’s murder: They come to believe all three murders may be linked because of a Van Gogh Starry Night postcard found at the scene of all three crimes.
Holly’s health worsens quickly. She is transferred to a support facility. Along with her fading memory, Holly is also losing her ability to speak and write. She is uncertain whether she killed Amelia as her friend Kim, ex-husband Roy and the police suspect.
A niece (whom Holly doesn’t recognize and whose motives she distrusts for suddenly wanting to help her) visits Holly regularly and reads Holly’s notes about Amelia’s investigation. This eventually leads the investigation away from her as they seem to implicate Kim.
Kim’s law teacher at McGill agrees to take on the case pro bono, motivated by her interest in litigating whether damaging effects of childhood abuse pose the question whether murder can ever be justified in such cases.
The expanding investigation leads to more findings relating to the postcard found next to Amelia’s body, bringing into view a surprising new suspect.
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My 5 Star Review:
Another page turner by Carol Balawyder. The book begins with our introduction to Holly’s life and marriage to Roy. He is a dominating husband who realizes he doesn’t want to take care of his wife when she is newly diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s, so he asked her for a divorce – charming he is not. Not completely heartless, Roy sets up Holly in a lovely apartment near McGill University. Holly enrolls in a poetry class in efforts to keep her mind intact. She also keeps her Lilac Notebook handy so she can write down things she wants to remember for that proverbial day her memory leaves her for good. But it turns out, Holly keeps more notes in that book than just things to remember in her daily life.
Holly meets two girls in poetry class, who ultimately, will unknowingly, bring Holly into a murder scenario . Kim is beautiful, in her thirties, law student, and damaged from the incestuous abuse of her childhood, and Amelia is a mere twenty years old who pays for her schooling through her pole dancing activities at a dance bar. Amelia has a father complex. Her father touched her in places a father shouldn’t ever, since she was a very young child, and Amelia took that as love and still misses her father after her mother threw him out a few years prior.
One day Holly calls on Amelia, and when she doesn’t answer, Holly discovers her dead body in her apartment when she tried the unlocked door. All we know at that point is that Kim drove Amelia home, and Amelia was supposed to be meeting an online date at a cafe after Kim dropped her off, and Holly’s husband Roy had previously been spotted with Amelia. Yet, there’s also a serial killer out there and one of his Van Gogh postcards was left behind at the murder scene. Could any of these characters be the killer?
With Holly’s inner confusion, she trains herself to make mental notes in her head and in her Lilac Notebook about her own investigation about facts she’d gathered about Amelia’s last moves, before those remembered moments get jumbled in her head. So while she still has her wits about her, Holly keeps notes of all she’s seen and her thoughts on possible suspects.
Holly found a phone number in Amelia’s coat pocket and discovers the meetup time at the cafe. Not yet telling anyone, including the police, Holly ventures out to the cafe to feign accidentally meeting the person who Amelia was to meet to see if she can detect foul play. But when someone decides to implicate Holly as the potential killer, her mixed up mind goes into tailspin when she begins doubting herself and her own memory as people ignorant about Alzheimer’s are whispering that Alzheimer’s patients can get violent. But why would Holly want to kill Amelia? Holly becomes the amateur sleuth in the case on her own until she herself becomes the suspect. Holly now with trouble speaking, although her mind seems clear on what she wants to say, keeps all her thoughts and investigations in that Lilac Notebook.
The story brings in murder, incest, abuse and Alzheimer’s and ties them in all together succinctly, giving us well researched information about the state of Holly’s mind. Balawyder demonstrates the human condition by sharing what goes on in Holly’s head, the lack of compassion from some people, and the sadness of Holly losing her independence through her horrible journey through the mind-stealing disease.
This book was hard to put down as suspects were mounting, and poor Holly who had enough to contend with in her own upside down world, besides the police on her case, because her finger prints were found in Amelia’s apartment, and someone is looking for a scapegoat to hide their crime. I had my idea about who the perp was, but the author knew how to throw in those curveballs that continued to have me change my mind, adding a great twist on a suspect as the killer is ultimately revealed.
The author has done an amazing job informing us with her research, about the dark path that Alzheimer’s takes on one’s life by incorporating the knowledge through Holly’s words, thoughts, and actions. At the same time, Balawyder has taken us on a nail-biting story of a murder among friends with some unscrupulous characters to keep us guessing till the end.
Today I’m sharing my recent feature spot I had over at Stevie Turner’s blog where I’m talking a bit about how my book – Twenty Years: After “I Do” came to be. Stevie Turner generously runs an author promotion series every Friday on her blog. Some weeks she offers ‘Click and Run’, where we’re invited to leave a link to a great review for one of our books, and this spotlight feature. Stevie invites authors to submit to be featured. Enjoy reading my post and if you’d like to be featured, follow her submission guidelines listed at the bottom of her post page.
Friday Spotlight – D.G Kaye
Hi all, today the spotlight is on D.G Kaye, a non-fiction author I feel I know very well even though I’ve never met her.
We’ve gone through a few similiar life experiences, and we have the same opinions on many subjects. Reading Debby’s bio below, I’ve often wished I could have been a reporter too, and it’s quite uncanny how much alike we are in so many ways!
I enjoyed reading Debby’s book ‘Twenty Years: After “I Do”, which contains many tips for a successful marriage based on the author’s own twenty year marriage to the love of her life, Gordon, who sadly passed away earlier this year.
Bio
Debby Gies is a Canadian nonfiction/memoir author who writes under the pen name of D.G. Kaye. She was born, raised, and resides in Toronto, Canada. Kaye writes about her life experiences, matters of the heart and women’s issues.
D.G. writes to inspire others. Her writing encompasses stories taken from events she encountered in her own life, sharing the lessons taken from them. Her sunny outlook on life developed from learning to overcome challenges in her life, and finding the upside from those situations, while practicing gratitude for all the positives.
When Kaye isn’t writing intimate memoirs, she brings her natural sense of humor into her other works. She loves to laugh and self- medicate with a daily dose of humor.
Why I write nonfiction
I’ve always been a ‘tell it the way it is’ kind of girl. In fact, I’m pretty sure I should have been a reporter. I’m a nonfiction/memoir writer and no matter how hard I try to get around that by dabbling into the odd fiction writing piece, it always seemed I was writing on factual incidents, so I decided why bother packing it as fiction, why not just own up to it and tell the truth. All my stories have lessons in them that others can take from them. And when a story isn’t about a serious topic, I’ll always try to inject humor whenever I can. Why? Because sometimes we all just need to look for the funny.
About the writing of this book:
Writing this book was a true labor of love. The book stemmed from little things that popped into my head a few years ago when my husband took ill. I was riding a roller coaster of emotions for much of the year with my husband’s health, and it got me thinking about how much had really changed through the years, as his aging was happening well ahead of mine.
I’m not suggesting that time isn’t catching up with me too, but what I mean is that my husband was two decades older than me, and when we first got married, I let that factor slide because there were so many good reasons to marry him. But it’s a learning curve when you have a ringside seat watching your spouse go through situations that become a bit more difficult as the body ages and sickness sometimes takes its toll.
It was an actual statement that my husband made one day that lit up my brain with the book idea. He made a comment out of the blue, “We’ve been together twenty years.” When you read the book, you will understand why that statement spurred the title of the book. And from there, well, it got me thinking about some of the day-to-day activities we do that tend to become altered as one ages, as well as some of the things about the future we don’t normally tend to think about when we’re younger, but become things we’re forced to think about and reckon with.
The basic formula I can share to keep the engines of a marriage running smoothly is to always remember compassion and kindness, listen with your heart, talk about your feelings, be a supportive partner, and don’t forget to include laughter in your life every day!
Blurb:
May/December memoirs. In this personal accounting, D.G. Kaye shares the insights and wisdom she has accrued through twenty years of keeping her marriage strong and thriving despite the everyday changes and challenges of aging. Kaye reveals how a little creative planning, acceptance, and unconditional love can create a bond no obstacle will break.
Excerpt:
Sacrifice
When I chose to marry Gordon, I didn’t live in a fantasy world, unconcerned about the future. I didn’t jump in recklessly, thinking life wouldn’t present problems down the road. I wasn’t delusional, thinking, I’ll worry about whatever happens when it happens or Nothing bad is ever going to happen to him. No, I took everything into consideration and thought logically about marrying Gordon, and knew in my heart that the bottom line was that I loved him for all he was and who he was and that love, providing it was reciprocated, would sustain me through whatever came our way.
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When I talk about the sacrifices we make in life, I’m referring to sacrifices we make for our marriage, our children, or sometimes just for the sake of peace. But what are we sacrificing? Do we become heroes because we act selflessly by giving into or giving up something to someone, by sacrificing our own happiness for others? Do we sacrifice to appease, or do we sacrifice from the goodness of our hearts?
“Sacrifice” isn’t a simple word. Sacrifice in a marriage isn’t an accolade we should brag about but an act we perform voluntarily for the pure pleasure of giving up something we desire for the sake of someone else’s happiness or need. A healthy relationship involves a give and take from both parties, and if one of those parties isn’t reciprocating, he or she isn’t sacrificing. When we commit to an honest relationship, we realize that selflessness is a main ingredient and part of what strengthens the bond as our relationships develop. We accept that life consists of peaks and valleys, and we sometimes have to give up something with an open heart to accommodate our partners’ needs.
If we’re the selfish type who only take from a relationship what we want and flee when obstacles present themselves, there is no sacrifice, only selfishness. Sacrifice will always be part of a good and healthy relationship because that’s what we do when we love with our whole hearts: We give of ourselves with no complaints or expectations.
So where does the word “sacrifice” fit into my relationship? Am I supposed to say I sacrificed my midlife years because my husband is older now and we’re unable to do many of the same things we once did together in our earlier years? That’s not how a good marriage works. I didn’t sacrifice anything to be with Gordon. We’ve had a wonderful life together and still do. Sure, our age difference can sometimes present challenges, but what marriage doesn’t encounter challenges? Ours are just different. We care about each other and have always been at each other’s sides through the big moments and the small. We support each other’s desires, dreams, and ambitions. We make each other laugh and remember to tell one another “I love you” every day. Our views on certain issues will differ, and sometimes Gordon may not understand my writing life, but he’s proud of me and applauds my accomplishments—and he never complains.
If I’m lost in my work and the dinner hour has passed, he won’t complain but will help himself to a bowl of cereal. My husband is a good sport when it comes to my desires, and he’s always happy to see me happy. That’s how it’s been since the beginning of us, and that says a lot for why we’re still together today.
A good relationship always entails sacrifices. Maintaining a good relationship is like creating a recipe with all the nutritional ingredients and flavor, well simmered to ensure it’s tasteful and fulfilling, and part of that recipe is to be generous with hugs. Hugs are a loving expression of our emotions. Still, to this day, when Gordon makes me laugh with his boyish charm, I see the charisma that attracted me to him twenty years ago and can’t resist hugging him like I would a comforting teddy bear. He is my teddy bear, huggable, lovable, dependable, helpful, and caring. So really, what could I possibly have sacrificed to receive all the gifts I am given?
D.G Kaye beautifully chronicles twenty years of her marriage and along the way encapsulates the heart of unconditional love amid life’s challenges. What I loved so much was her honest retelling of those years, both good and challenging. I found myself nodding again and again while I read as she honed into what the fundamental requirements were to maintain a healthy relationship. Respect, laughter, intimacy and patience are the cornerstones of a solid foundation that can withstand the trials of daily living. This is, or should be required reading for anyone in a relationship whether married or in a partnership. The author touched on so many issues that impact all relationships. This novel is a keeper and one I will return to over and over again. I extend a heartfelt thank you to the author for her candor and the gift to all of us for this remarkable book.
Welcome to my regular Tuesday post. As my husband’s health condition is still ongoing and today marks his 10th day in hospital having a battery of tests, scans, and his upcoming biopsy, needless to say blogging has become a double-edged sword for me. I run to blogland for some semblance of sanity, but often I can’t concentrate as the final results will come later in the week. Many days my mind is so full of my worrisome future that I can’t even talk. Don’t want to talk. But I’ve been documenting the 10-day journey nightly. And once I get my husband home and put everything into my own digested perspective, I plan on sharing the journey here with you all – mostly likely in two or three parts, as it’s been a very long road, extra difficult in Covid times, as I’ve fought my way into being allowed to visit my husband. I’ll be sharing the journey next week.
But today as I get ready to dash out to hospital, I’m happy to share this wonderful article Marjorie Mallon posted on February 17th for #ireadcanadian day where Marje has featured a tribute to three Canadian authors, and I was elated to be one of them.
Special Feature – I Read Canadian Darlene Foster, D G Kaye, & Christy Birmingham #nowmorethanever #ireadcanadian @ireadcanadian
Today, I am featuring three wonderful ladies from Canada, Debby Gies (D G Kaye,) Darlene Foster and Christy Birmingham. You might remember that in 2019 I travelled to Canada with my two daughters, Natasha and Georgina for a special girls’ trip! We visited Montreal and I absolutely loved it. Would love to go back one day.
So, I’ve chosen to go with a travel theme for the first two books I’m reading for #ireadcanadian
Debby, Darlene and Christy are all wonderfully inspiring, fantastic supporters of the writing and blogging community. As they say in Scotland, lovely lassies too!
Please visit Marje’s original post to read the lovely tribute she put together for myself, Darlene Foster, and Christy Birmingham. Canadian writers rock!
DGKayewriter.com 