Ria.

I lost a lot of my 20s to being sad and scared because she decided to stalk me everywhere and anywhere using her friends. I am resentful. I should’ve slept with her crush, Michael, I probably could’ve but I didn’t because 1) Michael is a cool ass dude, 2) he was totally in love with Kat (I think they’re married actually), 3) he heavily disliked Christy who apparently bad mouthed me to him (so he knew of me/some dumb ass version of me before he met me) and concluded that she was severely immature and 4) he was a good friend of mine and I can’t use him just because I wanted to hurt someone just as much as they were actively hurting me.

I remember how much I cried when I stumbled online somewhere that she stated she lost her virginity at 24 years old. Actually, I think I stumbled on it on tumblr because someone called her out on her terrible joke of Snape dying a virgin. And I cried. What was even the point of crying? It didn’t really say anything about me - her own statement showed that she has a very penis centric definition of virginity and if anything it makes her look like, in an odd way, a homophobic jerk which is ironic considering everything.

The only reason I can talk about all of these things now is because of therapy and growth and moving on. It doesn’t feel like I’m ripping myself open anymore to talk about what she did.

Eventually, I’m hoping by getting my side all out there (whatever it is) will let me just forget this person. That’s all I want. I want to forget.

You hurt me. It’s been so many years that I’m sure you don’t remember. Hell, I don’t even think you knew back then. Or refused to acknowledge it. But all I ever wanted from back then was for you to leave me alone when it came to Qiana. Why did she have to be in our room, in my bed, drinking my drinks etc why did you have to sit me down at the on campus McDonald’s and lecture me about how I was going to lose a friend when she hasn’t been my friend since the day she hit my 11 year old nephew (at the time) why did you push someone so hard onto me and not respect me at all especially when I just did not push back when you were friendly with her; I let it be and respected your feelings but you didn’t respect mine. Qiana found me in the library and told me you were going to leave me (and I fell to my knees in the library and lost it and I just ran and kept running through campus) before you sent me that email that the gmail servers eventually lost even though I had it tagged and saved. When the email did come and I lost it, I actually did end up lost and alone in DC without my glasses and a dying phone and a man I didn’t know was kind enough to let me in his car and take me back to some semblance of safety. You didn’t give two fucks. I could’ve ended up in the car with a murderer/rapist but you didn’t give two fucks. Later, after everything, you continued to emotionally and psychologically torture me by talking shit about me to a mutual friend of ours, how you were planning on hurting me and someone else (so much so that it made this mutual friend of ours freak out), and you kept accusing me of actual fucking crimes when I wasn’t in your neighborhood and you left car doors unlocked. Why would I even want your stupid red iPod. All I wanted was for it to stop. All I wanted was to see Mackie one more time to explain to him that I was going away and not abandoning him. I loved mackie too. All I wanted was respect and courtesy and all you did was terrorize me for years.

You demonized me over an actual medical emergency that we both weren’t aware that I had at the time. I found out because I went to the ER of my own accord because I was scared that this time I was actually going to kill myself; like this attempt would be different, fatal. My TSH was so high that I was this close to falling into a coma and you said that it was an excuse. That I could’ve done more. That the multiple times we drove up to nyc to have my TSH tested and the blood that was taken from me was tested three separate times for everything but that and it’s somehow my fault. I should’ve known. I should’ve been better when biochemically I was inching closer and closer to death every day. All the on campus psychs couldn’t help me/fix the issue. The fancy psychiatrist that cost 400$ couldn’t help me either and sent me to the endocrinologist down her hallway AS AN EMERGENCY PATIENT FROM HER because that’s how bad my thyroid panels were. But I didn’t do enough even though I tried so hard but tried so hard at the wrong thing.

You didn’t give a fuck when my grandma had terminal cancer. But you didn’t know/bothered to ask. I wanted to not be demanding because I knew your uncle, whom you loved and adored, had terminal throat cancer and I didn’t want to add more things onto you and I respected that. I do apologize for that time I said that I didn’t care that his medications were stolen and his mini fridge, I think. I did care but you had been hurting me for quite a while (most recently with when you got into the car accident and accused me of not caring but rob took my phone and spoke to you, hid it from me, and when I found out and kept calling you you wouldn’t pick up until you did and when you did you screamed at me that I didn’t care - I didn’t fight you because you were concussed and honestly I was just so happy you were safe and alive that I just didn’t care but it hurt me). I really did care about your uncle and I dreaded the inevitable because I knew his loss would break you and I didn’t want you to feel that kind of hurt.

You made me feel unsafe in a city that I was born loving and I had to drastically change how I lived my life just to not run into you or your posse. It wasn’t until you fully moved away from nyc that it finally felt like I could breathe again.

And I still sometimes think back to the actual first time I met you. How you fell behind everyone and I slowed down to help you. Even with everything that I know, if time travel were real, I wouldn’t undo a thing from the first time. And if I were to run into you today, in need, once I got over the overwhelming sense of I’m going to die and shit myself I still would help you because that’s who I am, who I’ve always been, and I deserved better than what I got from you especially during the end.

at Central Park. And ever since I found out about it -- I've been going to it every year because I think about Megan -- Christy's little cousin. I realize I'm not directly changing any of Megan's experiences but it's my main motivation to go to these things and be exposed to such heartbreak such as a little girl, in a wheel chair, skinny and sick with no hair =( being pushed around by her family at the walk.

This year I brought Daymien with me. Daymien is my one year old great nephew, at least I think he's my great nephew because he's my niece's son but regardless I love him to bits and pieces, and I figured he would love being outside, in Manhattan, since he's never really been to Manhattan before -- especially somewhere as grand as Central Park.

He didn't spend a lot of time in his stroller. I took him out quite a lot and would occasionally let go of his hand so he could go run around Rob in circles and have me chase him -- which would end with him giggling maniacally from behind Rob's legs. Daymien ate really well too! In between chasing all of the GIRL BABIES of course. My god. HE WENT AFTER SO MANY OF THEM and he cried and threw a tantrum when I wouldn't let him get too close :3.

Needless to say -- we didn't get the chance to finish the walk. Mostly because Daymien was so mesmerized by the park itself that he wanted to go exploring. And then we heard rumbling in the distance so we grabbed Daymien and all his crap and took cover underneath one of the tunnels (I call them that ... I don't really know what they are) and luckily we got there just as lightning started to strike near us and the torrential downpour came. Daymien really did not like the sound of thunder -- but was quickly distracted by this beautiful girl in pink sequins and a mini violin who began performing -- with a man dressed in Native garments. Daymien kept pulling me closer and closer to them. He kept dancing. He kept, well, attempting to sing with the girl by going AAAAAAAA every time she sang AND in between performances that this duo were putting on -- Daymien kept pulling me to this little dog some nice woman had and KEPT PETTING THE DOG FOR LIKE EVER and I kept trying to get him away from the poor dog because well, it's not like here with the Suz and the cats where he can just touch them all day every day -- this is someone else's dog ... but a one year old can only understand so much. Eventually, the duo were done performing permanently and I walked up to the girl and told her about how mesmerized Daymien was by her performance and if she didn't mind taking a picture with him. SHE WAS SUCH A SWEET HEART and I adore her and I hope I get to see more of her performances soon~ and Daymien has a picture to look back on when he gets older =).

The rain, at that point, had lightened up -- so I wrapped Daymien in my red jacket -- and Rob and I ran through Central Park to the train station. Daymien fell asleep. And I only figured this out when I felt him drool into the side of my neck <3. We were in such a rush to get him home because, due to the fact I didn't really have anything rainproof either -- my jacket is cotton -- Daymien did get wet and I didn't want him catching a cold so I wanted to change him into dry clothes as soon as possible. The MTA made this impossible because we had to take 3 separate trains to get to Northern Boulevard where all three of us were famished (and Daymien had eaten way more than the two of us; a nutella sandwich, a huge tupperware of strawberries, a banana ...) that we went to McDonald's. And Daymien proceeded to feed me his apple slices that he dipped in BBQ sauce and sweet and sour sauce. DISGUSTING. OH MY GOD. But he loved that flavor combination and it made him happy, so, whatever. And we made the mistake of getting him apple juice -- because, once we got him home -- HE KEPT SPINNING IN CONTINUOUS CIRCLES. Ugh, I LOVE HIM. I can't even explain, in words, the depth and the intensity of my feelings for this little boy =).

I can't wait until the summer. I'll have a lot more time to take Daymien out everywhere.

Everyone knows that the Wii U was recently released. I personally did not see what the big deal was considering that we already had other HD capable systems that have already been out for years. But, I digress. I participated in a pizza and gaming night recently where I was able to play New Super Mario Bros Wii U.



The new gimmick in New Super Mario Bros Wii U is that you can play with up to five players (one player gets to be support with the Game Pad) and new power ups that are introduced along with some old ones introduced in a new way.

Let's talk about the role of the Game Pad first. I consider this to be the most important, anyway, in a group setting. The role of the Game Pad is to create platforms for hard to reach areas (or when you're plummeting to your sudden death -- though I don't understand why people don't just press A and bubble), keeping certain very large enemies at bay by having the person on the Game Pad constantly tapping them -- and the Game Pad dude can also be a DICK and create platforms on top of your head so when you accidentally hit into them in a very sticky situation you plummet to your death or have to quickly bubble which causes everyone to lose their lives anyway (if you're all bubbled at the same time -- it's considered as though everyone has lost their lives).

Next up: POWER UPS. I am so very happy that this game has brought back the amazement that is the P-WING -- unfortunately, we didn't get to use it last night so I can't really tell you what it does in this game (even though I'm assuming that it does the same thing as it did in the SNES title Mario Bros 3). I can tell you how you do get a P-Wing in this game, though. Do you guys happen to remember the mushroom houses where you played some usually pathetic mini game but YOU GOT FREE POWER UPS. It's essentially the same in this game EXCEPT ... there's this rat thief who will randomly pop up and steal from the poor little toad in the mushroom house. This rat thief then runs to another world you've already beaten into any one of those levels (which is noted by some sinister rat icon hanging over the world level) and, once you're in the level with said rat thief, you have to DASH after him and catch him before he reaches the end. If you manage to do this -- the poor toad from the mushroom house awards you with a P-WING. Rejoice.

All the other power ups are essentially the same -- the Starman, the mushroom, the fireflower, the frost flower -- BUT I REALLY REALLY LOVE THE ACORN MUSHROOM. I believe this might be a new gimmick but I am not entirely sure.

The acorn mushroom is pictured in the above image with yellow toad. Essentially, when you get the acorn mushroom you're able to float -- kind of like the floating Princess Peach does with her parasol in Super Smash Bros for the Wii. Obviously, with the acorn mushroom you have to run first -- BUT IT IS STILL AN AWESOME POWERUP because you pretty much glide through the air and can quickly bypass any obstacles that are in your way and would cause the death of you or your party member's (though you gliding ahead like that -- if they don't have the acorn power up -- will kill them off as well).

I'm very glad they reintroduced the Koopa kids though they're known as koopalings. This game also reintroduces the ship stage from Mario Bros 3 for the SNES but not always. That ... was awesome. I mean, if you're a nostalgia fuck you're definitely gonna get a hard on.

But this game also comes with all the flaws of its predecessor. You can still jump on the heads of your teammates and plummet to your accidental death. You can still get blocked in by a teammate simply standing in front of you -- and the WORST OF THE OFFENDERS -- is that a teammate can still land on your head while you're in mid air CAUSING YOU TO PLUMMET. And, with the addition of the game pad as the role of support -- you essentially get a new creative twist on how can I FUCK OVER MY TEAMMATES/FRIENDS if you're not paying attention to all the players on the screen.

In the end, I would say this game is worth a try -- if only because it is a Mario game that reintroduces some of the most loved concepts from earlier games. But I wouldn't pay full price for it. I would wait until this title goes on sale.

Next up:



A few nights ago my friends and I did a pizza and bad movie marathon night -- and I picked this gem for everyone to watch. This is called "Carved: The Slit Mouthed Woman" and as many of you can already guess -- this is a Japanese horror thriller. I always love Japanese horror thrillers because the special effects are so terrible they're comedic -- and their stories are much deeper than American horror thrillers.

BUT WITH THIS MOVIE -- it was as if they took all the steps for EASY WRITING and just put it in this movie. The woman with the slit mouth appears in Japan after causing an earthquake in the area (I guess because releasing her spirit from the closet her body was locked in is a cataclysmic event) and immediately after this earthquake -- little children from a specific neighborhood in Japan start disappearing. There's this teacher in the elementary school that all the children are disappearing from that can hear the slit mouthed woman right before she strikes. This would be a thought provoking concept if it didn't turn out that the elementary school teacher that has this telepathic connection to the slit mouthed woman IS HER SON and the only child of hers she didn't end up killing (because the child killed her first).

This movie is loaded with all sorts of tricks in an attempt to make it interesting, but, honestly once it's given away that the slit mouthed woman is this elementary school teacher's mother -- you can already guess where it's going, how the plot arrived to the point it has arrived at already -- and the audience just loses interest (though I did watch this film to the very end).

Recently, (more like yesterday), I woke up early enough to notice that Saturday morning TV Programming had taken a huge bump in status with this gem:



It's basically a movie that is SO STUPID AND ASININE it's hilarious. I'll summarize a little bit. There's this mad scientist who harbors a grudge towards the media from the time he was eight years old. This grudge came about because, when the mad scientist won his local spelling bee, the media didn't think it was important enough to report it. Well, the mad scientist wore from that very day forward that he would take over the national media and make them pay -- and he does this in the form of sentient evil tomatoes. If this doesn't reel you in then please think of the MACHO ASS SKEPTIC DETECTIVE IN LAVENDER LEOPARD PRINT STRETCH PANTS that tries to play it tough through out the whole film.

... And that's what I've been up to lately (with some kinokuniya and lower east side expeditions left out because, really, how do I play up I went for some bubble tea, read a book, got street passes .... etc .... etc .... etc ....).