cupcake_goth | Recent Entries

To be clear, I support people doing whatever they want with their plushies. 100%. But I feel it’s weird to put a muzzle on them, or have a tag with your name, phone number, and address attached to their harness. I get that’s it’s to help get them back if you lose them, but the data privacy part of my brain is backing away chanting NO NO NO.

An interesting discussion that’s happened in the group is about microchipping your support plushie. On the one hand, putting an Apple air tag in Clovis would soothe some of my ever-present mild anxiety when he travels with me. On the other hand, that would involve opening a seam and carefully sewing it closed and in NO WAY do I feel comfortable doing that.

Today I am cranky and angry for no real reason. I mean, yeah, the ongoing dystopian hellscape that we're in, but that's an ongoing background hum. No, today is wanting to snap at everyone and everything. Which is an interesting change from feeling low or anxious, which is usually what the Brain Raccoons dish out, but I still don't like it.

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The Stroppy One had a lightbulb moment and suggested that I check the side effects of the mass of meds that I take to see if any of them can cause nightmares. Interestingly that included steroids, antibiotics, Flonase, and daily steroid inhalers. I've stopped using Flonase, and that does seem to have made the nightly nightmares ease up. Now I need to do the same research to see if any of my meds cause acid reflux, because even tho' I'm on pantoprazole twice a day, acid reflux has been waking me up most nights. My Wegovy dosage hasn't increased, so that's not the trigger. But I need to figure it out, because if the acid reflux is bad enough, it can (say it with me now) trigger bronchitis for me. So fun.

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Today's tarot card: the 4 of Bats (4 of Swords), which is all about needing rest and calm. ANVILS FALLING FROM THE SKY.

The background: last year MCR announced the second US leg of the Long Live the Black Parade tour, with the city/date closest to me being Oct. 24 in L.A.. The Stroppy One sighed at the inevitable, and cass404 braved the Ticketmaster queue to get us tickets. the Ticketmaster online queue to get us tickets. Then MCR announced the final two shows of the tour, both in L.A.: Oct. 30 & 31. Cue much wailing from me, because there was no way I could afford to stay in L.A. for a week.

Last weekend, the Stroppy One suggested I ask Cass if I could stay at her place for a week, and the we head back to L.A. for the concerts. I stared, asked if he was okay with me missing our anniversary to go see MCR. He pointed out that he wouldn’t have suggested it if he wasn’t, just see if tickets were available you silly head.

So! After conferring with Cass, I’m going to see if any tickets are available. Because spending time with Cass is something I desperately miss, and omg my precious cupcakes of bombast.

- While I still love love love this dress from a Ukrainian designer, I went to another website to ogle an embroidered long linen jacket that I've also pined over, and now I can't decide which to buy in a few weeks. I'm now leaning toward the linen piece, because that would be more versatile.

- I spent some time idly searching for granny and/or "Victorian" boots across eBay, Poshmark, and Depop, and let me tell you, there is nothing out there with combination of a pointed or almond toe shape, lace-up, a side zipper, and a 2" block or walking heel. But then I had the possibly brilliant thought of taking a pair of my existing lace-up boots to a cobbler to have a side zip put in. I need to ponder this some more, but I sense a trip to the cobbler in my future.

- Remember that fabric with the Haunted Mansion wallpaper print on AliExpress? It arrived, and the print quality is good! The actual color isn't pink, but a bright wine, which also works for me. When the Stroppy One saw the fabric, he told me to order more, as he wants a waistcoat in it, and possibly a jacket.

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I'm constantly tired, no matter how much sleep I get, and I'm having non-stop stress nightmares every night. Dear Brain, a nightmare of the Stroppy One presenting us with divorce papers because we got his coffee order wrong is ridiculous, as is the one where he abandons me at airport security and walks off with my passport and Clovis Devilbunny. RIDICULOUS, STOP IT.

- I'm still dithering about the striped blouse and skirt from Blackwood Castle. The dithering continues because 1) do I really need more clothes? and 2) ...

- I spent a not-inconsiderable sum on a one-of-a-kind pendant from Bloodmilk. I missed it when it was originally for sale, but the woman who bought it is in France and realized that because of other things, she couldn't afford the tariffs and other shipping nonsense. She's reached out to Bloodmilk and they will ship it directly to me.

- Having bought that has also helped me deal with the extreme annoyance of learning that Chanel brought back Rouge Noir lipstick as a limited edition and it's already sold out and is going for double the original price over on Poshmark. Both the Stroppy One and minim-calibre reminded me that there was no way of seeing the color IRL (of course it was an online/boutique only release), so I had no way of telling if the color was accurate or if it skewed warm like so many dark blackened red lipsticks do these days.

- AMC has released another teaser trailer for The Vampire Lestat! Plus finally released the first single, "Long Face", for sale on various music platforms, and UPDATED THE MERCH STORE WITH A TOUR SHIRT. Sooooo those are things I tripped and hit the Buy Now button for.

- The Ghost concert is Sunday, wheeee! Faux -Satanic metal + bombast is exactly what I need right now. Shallow Fashion Details for my planned outfit:

Black and pink striped unnerving governess dress
Black lace and ribbon jabot that has the "Memento Vivre / Memento Mori" ribbon from Kalma as the focal point
Wide black elastic belt with skeleton hand buckle
Hair pulled up under a vintage black silk top hat (it's a short crown hat, so it won't block anyone's view) festooned with veils
Black and pink Dr. Martens
Black face mask

Now to hope I can manage to dye at least the front half of my hair so it's not a faded mess that shows beneath the hat.

We're going to a superbowl gathering today. It's with the usual suspects, so it'll be a nice social gathering, which is the reason I'm going. I'm going to settle in a corner of the living room with my hand sewing project and be utterly confused by what is happening on screen; to say I'm not a football person is an amazing understatement.

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I'm starting to feel much better thanks to the THIRD FUCKING ROUND of steroids and antibiotics. Everyone cross your fingers that this takes care of it all. But I still have to remind myself that I'm recuperating, and I've got :: waves hands vaguely :: the back thing, so I have to be even more mindful of what I do and how I move. I am very bad at remembering all of this.

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OH MY GOD I WANT TO DYE MY HAIR. But it's fascinating to see how much white has taken over the front of it.

FB recommended the group "essa - comfort stuffed animal". It's exactly what it sounds like: do you have a stuffed animal that gives you emotional support? Talk and share photos in the group!

It's cute seeing everyone's photos, but ... DRAMA! Does your stuffed animal count as an essa if you haven't dressed it in a tiny "Support Animal" vest? Why did you pick that stuffed animal? OMG you aren't cleaning them the ~~right~~ commentor's way? If they're truly an essa, why are you asking for support or ways to feel more comfortable taking them with you out in the world?

Like, serious drama over these things. Which, of course, means it's a REAL online group/community, right?

(The tiny "Support Animal" vests that people think means their stuffed animals are more valid than others is WILD. Clovis Devilbunny thinks the whole thing is hilarious.)

But today is not that day.

I had an appointment with my GP yesterday, and after listening to my lungs and gently touching my face to check how inflamed my sinuses were (very, I winced away from her fingers every time), I have won yet more fucking steroids and antibiotics. I spent the night in a huge amount of discomfort (understatement), and I don’t know if that’s because of the heavy-duty antibiotics, or if last night’s dinner at a restaurant had something wrong with it. I felt unwell enough that I took today off, even tho’ I’m starting to feel a tiny bit anxious about how often I’ve had to tap out of work because of my health.

We also went over my MRI results, wheee. Bursitis in both hips, mild scoliosis, a few discs that have started to bulge, and more spinal stenosis than expected. In other words, my back is absolutely messed up. I spoke to one of of the patient advocates/scheduling specialists at the neurology/back branch of Virginia Mason (I’ve been in back and forth calls with them for a few weeks); consultation appointments are being scheduled six months out, and they can’t even start scheduling appointments for August until March. I’m less than thrilled.

Ugh. Bodies are stupid.

There's a store on AliExpress that has fabric of the Haunted Mansion wallpaper in multiple colors! Yes, I immediately ordered enough for a dress.

I'm going to the Ghost concert in about two weeks, which means I've started thinking about my outfit. The front runner so far:

Pink & black stripe long sleeve high collar dress
Black waist cincher (boning for back support, yay!)
Hair pulled back under the wide-brimmed pink hat decorated with black lace bat appliques
Giant round onyx pendant
Black rosary beads with black heart perfume bottle
Pink & black Dr. Marten boots

The reasons I'm contemplating the hat are 1) it means I wouldn't have to wrangle my thin-but-prone-to-tangling hair, and 2) the hat is awesome. And because I'm short, I'm about 90% certain that it wouldn't block anyone's view of the stage.

The second choice:

B&W / glow-in-the-dark bats long sleeve high collar dress
Black waist cincher (boning for back support, yay!)
Hair pulled back with hair floofs and some sort of black flowers & veil headpiece
Giant round onyx pendant
Black rosary beads with black heart perfume bottle OR glow-in-the-dark rosary with an ankh pendant
Black & clear rhinestone Betsey Johnson platform(ish) flats

Aaaaaannd I need to double-check the bag policy for the venue. At least I know where my clear concert purse is if that's what I have to carry with me.

minim_calibre very kindly came over yesterday to help me run some errands AND slowly pootle around two thrift stores. There wasn’t anything worthwhile at Value Village, which is sadly becoming the norm. Well, there were some dresses that could have been turned into something interesting, but I stuck to my clothing no-buy. PRAISE ME.

The other thrift store was The Discovery Shop, which is a small nonprofit for the American Cancer Society. It’s a few blocks from my house, which means that once I’m healthy I need to make more of an effort to walk up there on a regular basis. Because, as with most smaller, charity-specific thrift stores, the selection is much better. I bought two pieces of jewelry: a crystal necklace with an antique skeleton key pendant (minim handed it to me, saying, “This belongs to you”), and a vintage belled bracelet, because I want to return to jingling when I walk. I pined over a huge blown glass candelabra with multiple arms, but acknowledged that I ha no place to put it. But my god, it was stunning.

I learned that both The Discovery Shop and Value Village have “senior discount days” on Tuesdays, and that “senior” is 55+! Time to schedule a regular thrifting day!

All of the excitement of leaving the house took its toll, however, and I’m absolutely exhausted today. Plus I’m starting a new round of different antibiotics, because my symptoms returned once I finished the first round. Thank goodness that my preferred urgent care clinic offers telehealth appointments.

I'm starting to seriously consider selling my VINTAGE Fluevog Swordfish shoes and boots. I love them. LOVE. I never wear them, because even tho' the 3" heel are wide and sturdy, my back has made it pretty clear that those shoes and boots are not made for walking. Not for me.

I'm tempted to hold onto the boots so I can use them as vases for dried flowers (I can't find the image on Pinterest, but I saw something similar done and it looked great), but I will first need to have a probably convoluted discussion with the Stroppy One about putting outdoor footwear on any furniture, even after they've been carefully cleaned. (His weirdness around this is too long to get into here, but it starts from a superstition around not putting footwear on chairs or tables.)

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INCREDIBLY shallow whining related to the state of the world (because if I start thinking seriously about things, I freeze in panic): I guess I should have purchased the pretty pretty dress from the Ukrainian designer earlier, because who knows if the $USD will be worth anything and if anyone outside the US will be willing to ship anything to a US address.

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I need help from the sewing and costuming hive mind! I have a many dresses like this. (Mine don't have the wide sash/belt.) The skirt is two rectangles gathered at the waist, with the pockets inset at those side seams. I want to occasionally lift the skirt to about knee-length so I can wear the dress with different skirts. I've tried actual skirt lifters, and they didn't work well. I tried ribbons sewn on the outside of the waist with matching ribbons sewn on the inside at the point where the ruffle is attached to the skirt, thus catching a bundle of the skirt in a loop of ribbon that shows on the outside. (The Madwoman in the Attic saw this attempt, clutched her head, said, "NO", and left the room.) So I'm out of ideas. Help?

Behold the shiny! Which was almost entirely paid for by Poshmark profits, so in terms of “real” money wasn’t unreasonably expensive.

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My god does my hair need dying. It’s not going to happen any time soon, but I sigh every time I look in the mirror right now. There are so many projects I want to do right now, and I KNOW I must not. Even the ones that would be something I could do while sitting on the couch watching movies. Getting up to put on a movie leaves me shaky, which is a sure sign I need to keep resting. Hmmph.

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Yesterday I learned that Miss Erzabet No Biting has blanket preferences. I had switched around some of the blankets I was under on the couch, with a polyester knitted one on top. She would walk onto my lap, look bewildered, and hop off. As soon as I switched things back to having the woven cotton ones as the top layer, she immediately settled down. Yes, my cat is spoiled.

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Speaking of the kitties, they turn 15 this year, which means we’ve owned them for almost half our marriage. That’s weird to think about.

It has been decided that I’m NOT going to buy that stripy set from Blackwood Castle, because minim linked me to an eBay auction for a stunning piece of jewelry and reminded me that stripy goth clothes are relatively easy to find. I’m waiting for my Poshmark profits to hit PayPal, and then I’ll hit Buy It Now.

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The Stroppy One has decided it’s necessary for him to remind me over and over that my #1 priority, my only chore right now, is to rest as much as possible. Especially because he leaves for a show on Thursday, so he won’t be around to look after me for a few days. Yes, the Madwoman in the Attic will be around, but our schedules are somewhat offset.

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Someone please remind me that my new boss asking if we need to set up some sort of medical accommodation for me for the next few weeks means she wants me to be okay, not that she’s annoyed I’m sick and this will be noted on my permanent record or something? Because I know my reaction is PTSD from previous bad managers, but the Brain Raccoons are doing their little song and dance, because of course they are.

I was worried about ordering that striped top and skirt from Blackwood Castle since, as they’re in Canada and who knows what the tariff fuckery would be. But I did some digging through their site and discovered they opened a US warehouse in August! Between that and the fact that I sold some things on Poshmark recently, yeah, I’m probably going to buy the set.

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Fandom whining: I know fic writers are doing their own thing, but it’s always sad when a writer I’ve subscribed to migrates to a fandom I don’t care about, sometimes abandoning their other works in progress. Le sigh.

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I think the new prescriptions are kicking in. I’m not coughing quite as much, and the Stroppy One said my breathing overnight didn’t sound as wet and crackling. I still get exhausted any time I get up from the couch AND I’m jittery from the steroids, but I’m pretty sure I’ll be able to sit in my office and get work done on Tuesday.

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Women of a Certain Age will understand this: with violent coughing comes the need for constantly changing pads, and I’m so tired of it.

As is traditional for me when I’m sickly enough that all I should do is rest, I have thought of at least five different craft projects I want to do. I have written them down in my fancy planner, so I’ll remember them for when I’m healthier. I may stagger upstairs to grab the supplies for the easiest one and slowly work on it.

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Miss Erzabet No Biting is doing her very best to nursemaid me and keep me pinned to the couch, but is startled every time I have a bout of coughing. I don’t blame her, because I find it pretty alarming, too. I know it’s only day two of the antibiotics and higher dose of prednisone, but I don’t feel any better yet and I’m frustrated about it.

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I’m still pining over this goddamn striped dress from Selkie. There’s one in my size on Mercari, and if it’s still available in a month I’m going to consider breaking my no-buy for clothing to get it. Of course, if I had any sense I’d soothe my coveting with either this dress from Dracula clothing or this set from Blackwood Castle.

… Oh dear, the Blackwood castle set is on sale.

I’m still am suffering bronchitis. I did some digging in MyChart, because I’ve suffered this bronchitis thing at least once a year for the past few years, and mine and Mr. Loomy’s suspicions were correct: the clinic doctor I saw over the weekend, who was abrupt and didn’t listen to either of us, prescribed me less than half of the dosage of prednisone that I’ve had previously. No wonder I’m not getting better. I went back to the clinic last night, and while the (different!) doctor didn’t say anything bad about what his coworker did, his facial expression made his opinion clear. I’m now on a massive dosage of prednisone that slowly tapers and antibiotics. I tapped out from work again; look, me trying to be better about self care!

If I’m going to be a sickly invalid, I want laudanum. And a trip to the seaside where someone will push me around in a fancy wheelchair. Then more laudanum.

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Yesterday I turned off the Ask Anonymously option on my Tumblr. I’ve been inundated with spam, porn bots, and unkind-to-hateful messages, and I don’t have the spoons to deal with any of it.

Discussion about the upcoming movie adaptation of Wuthering Heights is really heating up over in Tumblr-land, and I, for one, am here for it. I respect the novel's place in the canon of gothic literature, but I don't feel the need to ever reread it. But the upcoming movie looks like it's going to be a gloriously unhinged trashfire, and I'm kinda looking forward to it.

A quote from the director, which gives you a good idea of what we're in for:

"When it came to making the film, Fennell, 39, said: "I wanted to make something that was the book that I experienced when I was 14".
She suggested that some of her risque additions are things she thought she had remembered from reading the book as a teenager -- but weren't actually in there when she returned to it.
"It's where I filled in the gaps aged 14", she said with a smile, adding that making the film had allowed her to "see what it would feel like to fulfil my 14-year-old-wish, which is both good and bad".

I am kinda impressed that she was able to get a studio to give her money so she could do this.

Oh! And the costumes! MY GOD, THE COSTUMES.

Remember how I mentioned the horrible bout of acid reflux I had? It led to coughing up disgusting mucus, and then breathing came with crackling, so yesterday I went to a walk-in clinic. And lo, I came out with an unsurprising diagnosis of bronchitis. Apparently every time my esophagus gets really irritated, my body responds with bronchitis. I do not approve.

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Before my no-buy for clothing kicked off I bought a capelet (made with vintage materials, so there was no way the Madwoman could duplicate it), and two of the barely-cover-your-ass petticoats by Leg Avenue in order to make my own slightly different version of this petticoat from Selkie. Not that I’ll be doing any projects until walking to the bathroom doesn’t leave me overwhelmed with fatigue.

It's the company kickoff week in AZ, and I'm not there because my back makes it a bad idea to travel. I just got a FedEx package from my boss, and that's how I discovered that we now have an award for excellence in technical writing, in memory of the writer who had hired me. I'm the inaugural recipient. My boss is going to announce it at the team gathering later this week. I haven't stopped crying yet.

When real things happen to imaginary people

Still talking about that emotional support stuffed animal fb group

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Fangirl geebling

(still) pondering shallow consumerism (always)

A list of random things, mostly shallow consumerism

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Cute but kinda odd?

Someday I will post about something other than my health

Of possible interest to some of you

Shallow outfit dithering

Left the house!

Frivolous dithering

I guess being couch-bound means I post a lot

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Wittering

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Please imagine the Kate Bush song playing while reading this post

Jesus fucking Christ, really body?

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