One of the little whimsical WordPress perks is that we are shown what countries people are reading our blog in.  That is such a cool thing to see.  I’m coming up on 40 countries now and once in a while I say to myself….where the heck is that??  🙂   Along with the name, flag and how many views from each county, we are shown a little overview of the world map.  With each country that reads, the map gets filled in with color.  As I watch my map come to life a little at a time it made me think, with each post, that’s exactly what is happening to me.  Little by little I am starting to feel … normal?  whole?  strong?  I’m not sure which, if any, of those is accurate.  Maybe it’s a combination.  But I am enjoying the ride, as pieces of my self are coming back to life.

Self-realization was never something I thought about or hoped to attain through this journey but somehow I am able to see that it is very much the path I am being lead down.  There are so many aspects in my life I can see changing.  Small changes…but change nonetheless.  I am very much more aware then I have ever been of my purpose and what I want for myself in this life.  Of course, I have a long way to go but in building my support system the comfort, confidence and strength is slowly seeping back into my veins.  The I think I can way of thinking over the last 25 years is almost completely out of my visual field and the I know I can has replaced it.  It’s no longer a matter of if but a definite matter of when.  I anticipate good things.  I can feel it on the horizon…

Almost as if when you were a kid…always just a little too short to see what was on the counter top but you imagined a plethora of “the good stuff”.  Finally, you grew tall enough to not only see that highly anticipated cookie jar but one day you were able to reach it, grab hold of it…and claim a cookie all your own.

I no longer view “the good stuff” as unattainable but understand that in order to get it growth must occur. Thus, self-realization.  Maybe this is all just babble.  Maybe it’s just the need to get the thoughts out of my head and onto “paper” to be able to go back and sort through all of it at a later date.  Whatever it is that is going on, the one thing I know is that it is positive.  That much I can feel.  It’s funny to me because I’m always the pessimist.  Don’t get me wrong…I am not proclaiming myself to be a born again optimist but the positivity is definitely flowing.

Eventually, I’ll be able to see over the counter and reach for that cookie but I have a feeling instead of taking just one … I’m grabbing the entire jar and keeping all that good stuff for me.  That’s just my way.  It’s called … catching up.  And I’m due.

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To read from the beginning… my story starts here.