writing

Lonesome Company 

Some moments

Spent chasing midnights

Because the day had proven hard 

And home had dealt a difficult hand

Lonesome company 

Found in the hall couch

Found in an empty cola can

Found in the background whooshing sounds 

of my tinnitus 

Some days

Spent chasing money

Because there were mouths to feed 

And the bills needed paying 

Lonesome company

Found in the steam from a hot shower 

Found in the caress of a towel

Found in the background whooshing sounds 

of my tinnitus 

Some days

Spent chasing yesterday 

Because it was easier back then

And being a child, it’s great to be young

Lonesome company

Found in reminiscing 

Found in flashbacks

Found in the background whooshing sounds 

of my tinnitus

And then one day

To spend chasing all of eternity

Because it never will go away

And never will there be a silent second

Lonesome company

Found in my ear canals

Found harassing my stillness

It is my tinnitus, It is my tinnitus 

Postpartum

Toes to fingers

And a smile that lights up a room

Yet if my stare lingers

Tears will take over

Chin to chest

And a push that brought silence

Yet if I talk of then

Again, tears will take over

Hands to my Bible

And a new me calling out to Abba

I know only He understands me

Tears are still falling, but one day they shan’t

Toes to fingers

And the babbling of “mama”

I look at my boy with love

A love I hadn’t ever known

A Spare You

For the times I asked

But you chose not to disclose

Then this is the task

That a spare you I must find

… in my repose

For the times it is quiet

But the silence holds a question

Then I should remedy my plight

That a spare you, I imagine

A spare you, a void to fill in

For the times you’ve chosen to be away

When you could have opened up to me

Then someday, to me maybe you’ll find a way

There and then, a spare you for me, need not be

But till then, a spare you it shall be

…in heart and in mind

The Meadowlark

Oh hear,

How beautifully the meadowlark sings

To ambience, she has been open to

A not so distant time ago

When she asked if she may be vulnerable

And so she has sang songs

Songs to proclaim joy

Songs that reveal her heart

Songs to re-echo reassurance

Songs that have unearthed her flaws

But one song, sang, but not in entirety

A song for a duet

A song where she promises no detachment

A song where she promises to always bare her all

Ambience failing her

So she sings alone

And it is painful

She’s been vulnerable all along

But a wall is up, put up by Ambience

She sings, wanting not to be a nuisance to the ear

To the ear of the one

The one that she gave her heart to

The one that bares little emotionally

The one that is teaching her old habits

The meadowlark sings and has sang!

But the day approaches when she decides

That to be mute and detached, is her elixir

Sunset

I know of her

That many have chased

Her, that has kept time waiting

Her, that has taught many patience

I know of her

A beautiful sight to behold

Chase if you must

Because she is a beauty!

But on some days

She’s chasing me

She’s stalking me

She’s many a warm hue

And for some minutes, she lingers

Streaking curtains, painting walls

Even bold to caress a face

But not for long

Sunset, she is

A feisty orange

A flaming red

Sometimes, a hypnotizing pink

Good Morning, Good Night

I thought about you

So I texted to say good morning

And then I thought about you some more

My text, as useful as an unsent one

I thought about you

So I texted to say good night

Then came dawn, but no response

And so I thought some more

Something about a good morning text

A little sweetness to my day,

Something about a good night text

Soothing, for some sound sleep,

Like a pinch of salt or a spritz of perfume,

Blush on my cheeks for a pop of color,

Like a drop of water, making a mighty ocean

The little things go so far

The fewest of words may change a day,

For tomorrow isn’t given

The fewest of words, may be the last you ever say,

Because sleep may come and be deep

So good morning, my dear

I thought of you

And I pray you have a good night

Godwilling, you hear from me on the morrow

Blossom now, You, Rose …

Taking it, because I taught myself to

Listening, because all they did was subdue

Oh, what an awakening

Rose flower, time to see a blossoming

From first sight of a hue

To petals fragile, trying to break through

Rose flower, touched pruned, positioned

But truly blossom, she hasn’t

The rose wants to blossom

Her way, bend if she must

The rose wants her true growth

It’s time, their opinions must go with the dust

Meanwhile

As you find yourself

Chasing after your dreams

Bringing life to your desires

There’s a meanwhile

That encircles you

Our Creator, Our God

He knows best

He wants for us

What will exceed

Our highest expectations

Dear one,

Fret not,

Over what’s on the other side of the fence

But in the meantime

Floating in the meanwhile

Be content, and also ready yourself

For a forever blessing

When the going gets tough

When the going gets tough

There and then

A pouring, of what we’re made of

No one looks at the bird in flight

To make mention of its fatigue

But let same bird see a falling

Poor bird, with ruffled feathers

When the going gets tough

You keep going, soaring high like the bird

Till you meet ground

Poor fellow, with a few hiccups

You’ve seen a falling?

Get up, you forlorn one

And try again, that you may fly

To heights you once knew

The Man with One Chair

The man with one chair

Likes to sit alone

One will catch a glimpse of him

When the worn out country sun

To the horizon, has gone

The man with one chair

A beer for company

But in his thoughts

Miss Alabama, is wandering

Can you fathom this mystery?

That man with one chair

Won’t be alone for too long

Till sweet lil’ Miss Alabama

Goes sashaying his way

Wowing just enough, to capture his gaze

A capture of two now in her trove

The man with one chair

May soon give out his seat

Props out to Miss Alabama

For stealing his gaze, his heart and now, his chair

Anticipating

There, there, my love

See how the gap bridges in

Distance is fading, time is nigh

The genesis of our union,

One full of awe and purpose

It’s happening, I see you soon

The giddiness of potential

Oh, what an unfolding, we behold now

The realization of loving and being in love

Thus far we have come

Thus far the Lord has brought us

The Lord has been good and faithful

Anticipation is an understatement

See my body, ever so eager

Arms mimicking an embrace

My shoulders, they prepare,

A resting place for your head

And my heart, ever jumpy like an anxious puppy

We have known for a while

That we’re worth each other’s time

We’ve cultivated a garden

That bears fruits of love

To say I love you is not enough

But I’m forever thankful that we found each other

“I know I can trust you, but…”

Trust, like a tree in autumn

Questioned by the unknown

I know I can trust you, but…

Said branches to leaves

Said leaves to branches

Trust may break

Trust may be shaken

Trust may be lost, completely

Like a leaf in autumn,

One may feel betrayed

When suddenly let go

By whom they thought as their backbone

High up on cloud nine

Left to a plunging, cold fall

Like a branch in autumn

One may be shockingly abandoned

By leaves that leave

One may be made a fool of

By leaves that threaten to leave

That may be you, shaken, broken inside

Trust, like a tree in autumn

Broken by the unpredictable

I know I can trust you, but…

Pockets

A day at a time

A tear that will dry

There is a reason,

There is a season

But still there is despair

A hug to say all is fine

A word of encouragement

To calm a racing mind

But there will still be that moment

Hands in pockets, and emptiness felt

Such is a revisiting sorrow

That comes in waves

Such is a daunting anxiety

That comes uninvited

Such is the guilt felt

For shifting the mood

So I ask that you bear with me

You jolly soul, best friend, confidant

One day it may be well

One day the pockets may be filled

With something other than emptiness

Something worth remembering,

Something that will carve a smile

The Little Things

The little things

Do make the difference

It has taken some years

But the eyes now see this

Some fancy jewels

But she, a reading chair

For the lustre many seek after

Is second to a great novel

The little things

Do make the difference

Like a bowl of macaroni and milk

To appease the hunger pangs

Some prefer take out

But she, a home cooked meal

Because temporary delicacies

Wear out this body, her temple