Hotel on Mayfair....

Hotel on Mayfair,

I've got a hotel on Park Lane, the blue one,

And Little Frank, he's not even got a house on the Old Kent Road.

Oh I've got hotels on all the red ones, and the green ones,

And all of the yellow ones,

He's not even got a light blue one,

And he's not been past the Water Works.

(taken from The Monopoly Song by Frank Sidebottom)

You could do a lot worse than spend a couple of minutes watching/listening to this!

Now it has to be said.... I'm a player of games.  I love 'em.  Whether they be rooted in this reality or a virtual one, I love playing games.

I like video games, board games, card games.... traditional games, contemporary games.... you name it and if I haven't played it then you can guarantee I wouldn't mind playing it!

I've played Gulo Gulo, Rock 'em Sock 'em Robots, Chartbusters, Pass the Pigs, Settlers of Catan, Risk, Chess, Chinese Checkers and Mah-jong.

I've played Tapper and Toobin'.  I've leapt at the chance to play Burnin' Rubber and Ms. PacMan.  I've played Smurfs, Star Wars, Ponpoko and Space Duel.  I've thrown virtual darts, footballs and javelins. and I've even been known to play Pokemon (Silver; diamond; AND platinum)....

I've bragged about three cards.  I've chased the ace.  I've had my knuckles scraped until they bled at Scabby Queen, and I've fifteen for two'ed myself into oblivion with cribbage.  Canasta, Spades, Hearts, Bezique, Pip Pip, Oh Hell and Beggar my Neighbour.

Yes, I love them all.

The problem with games.... is the same as that faced when trying to dance an Argentinian Tango.... invariably it takes more than one.... and unless someone else likes to cut a rug..... you're up a snookery creek without a black ball!

An example of this lack of willing participants is as follows:

Today I played Monopoly on the internet... not just your average, common or garden variety of Monopoly.... but Monopoly the World Edition.  The main differences being that:

a) instead of streets, you buy whole cities like Beijing or Vancouver.

b) instead of starting with the usual fifteen hundred quid, you start this one with fifteen MILLION!!  (that's inflation for you)

c) Rather than play an endless pit of turns waiting for everyone to go bankrupt, this game is turn based so we each get 34 turns (perhaps) maximum.

d) Game winner declared after two people bankrupt or maximum turns expired.

e) "total worth" decides winner!

Other than that it's exactly the same.....

So I play against three computers, who are, rather imaginatively named: Computer 2; Computer 3; and Computer 4 - I am playing what would presumably have been Computer 1's seat.... and I try not to think too much about the four of them playing non-stop for all eternity until someone visits their gaming table.

All goes well up until you realise that there's an element of racism at play.... they trade with each other reasonably whilst making insulting and paltry offers to me.  The dice rolls don't seem to favour me.  They're stitching me up.

It gets to a stage where they've all swapped properties and Computer 3 has a full set of the oranges (Vine, Marlborough and Bow Streets - equivalent).  Computer 4 on the other hand only has a set of the dark brown ones (we'd call the Old Kent Road and Whitechapel). And can you guess what Computer 2 owns?  Yes, the dark blue pair (Mayfair and Park Lane).

I've got.....

A light blue; a pink; a red; a yellow; a station; and two dark green ones (the ones that cost a fortune and nobody ever lands on them, and if you DO get all three you can never afford to build houses on them anyway).

In the dying embers of the game, Computer 2 buys the final dark green at action for a staggering twelve million.

There are hotels on the oranges and dark browns.  Five turns from the end of the game and I'm comfortably in second place.  Despite owning the most expensive proiperties on the board, Computer 2 is sitting in jail with no money to build any houses (and that serves him/her right for overbidding for my dark green).

I am two turns from the end of the game when the conspiracy trap is sprung, and I am unceremoniously dumped onto Vancouver (an orange one with a hotel on) and after stumping up the ten million rent..... I finish in a very poor third place.

Now, if I had some REAL friends....Scooby Doo Monopoly or Gulo Gulo anyone?

Starting....

I'm starting to annoy myself.

Firstly, I'm beginning to think my house may be haunted. Strange bumps, creaks, moans and groans abound in this place. Sitting on the sofa tonight it actually felt like an animal of some sort jumped up on the sofa and sat beside me.... I don't believe in ghosts..... this is an old house though and the more time I spend here, the more it takes on its own character.

Secondly, I can't stop slaying zombies!!

Having recently (Thanks to Al) got my Nintendo Wii "chipped" with a Wiikey V2 - I've discovered a whole raft of new games to play.... for the most part I'm desperately trying to scramble over the finishing line of Resident Evil 4. Other titles that are gracing my living room are "Onechanbara - Bikini Zombie Slayers" and "Dead Rising - Chop Till You Drop" - I frequently dream about being a Japanese schoolgirl armed with a samurai sword and whipping the heads off people out walking in the park.

Just in case I might tire of zombie slaying or go a bit too psychopathic..... I've lined up Rapala's Fishing Frenzy (I bloody love a good fishing game), Samba De Amigo (a game that allows you to skillfully follow the career path of the maraca shaking Bez from the happy Mondays), and last but not least Tiger Woods 09 (web enabled multiplayer golf game).

Between the Wii and my laptop-enabled TV for watching movies (via that lovely 2m (6ft) Atlona VGA to RGBHV (BNC/RCA) breakout HDTV cable from San Jose) and sorting out all my photographs and files and managing the bloody computers that house everything.... well, it's almost a full time job aint it??



Getting a good photo on the canal is literally like "shooting fish in a barrel" or indeed relates firmly to "sitting ducks". I just liked this photo.... looks like the duck's actually laughing at us. You decide.

Credit.

Credit where credit is due. I often write about how Egears or RAC Windscreens, or AA have completely and utterly pissed me off. Occasionally I receive such exceptional customer service somewhere that I am compelled to write about this too.....

Yesterday, as part of my bedroom tidying activities, I decided to order a part for my computer and some oil for my shredder.... By the time I settled down last evening I had received four emails and a text message to my mobile phone advising me on the status of my computer part order. Even more remarkable was the arrival of this low value piece of computer equipment before lunchtime today....... amazingly simple turnaround with great communications and absolutely no fuss at all.

The company in question, and I recommend them for all your computing needs, is CCL Online - I've used them for years and they NEVER disappoint!!

In direct contrast to this exceptionally positive story is the story of my shredder oil..... I received an email to say they had received my order.... and that's as far as it got.....

If only CCL sold shredder oil!!

So, following my day of housekeeping yesterday, I've spent the day virtual housekeeping.... i.e. consolidating all my photography files and mp3s and Nintendo DS games into a central location - the concept of owning just a single copy of each file instead of having them duplicated and scattered across an array of media is less than useful.

The end result is no less satisfying than the work I did yesterday, but I didn't get as dusty (apart from when I fitted my new computer card - as everyone knows, them puters don't half suck up a load of crap and then spew it out on you as soon as you open their cases!!) and I got to sit down for the most part, and drink lots of coffee.....

Bargain!!

Rattle and hum.

Rolling along on the crest of a wave......

I'm ticking over, treading water, rattling round the house spending portions of time doing a myriad of smaller tasks, and of course, never completing any of them.

I think the fact that I got my Nintendo DS playing copied games in the same week that I am trying to type up my curriculum vitae equate to one procrastination too far.

Between Zelda's Phantom Hourglass, Scrabble 2007, and Cooking Mama 2, there isn't enough time to formulate a few simple sentences in a Word document, let alone write a blog entry. This is before I even dare to put Lego Star Wars The Complete Saga anywhere near my micro SD card!!

I pray to Shigeru Miyamoto that I can finish Zelda in the next couple of days, or find the will power to put it down and finish whatever I am supposed to be doing.

I also seem to be trapped in the habit of watching the last hour of lots of films. I seem to catch only this last slice of lots of great films. I really ought to get myself a televisual magazine, but then I never get round to reading it. I used to use Digiguide on my computer, but it's not cheap and you need it running in the room where you watch TV for it to be worthwhile. Perhaps I'll look out for a good free television guide tomorrow.

And so to bed...... drifting off to BBC radio seven..... bliss!!

Fallout boy.

Well, it seems that the worst that my abscessed tooth could throw at me, is now part of history. The pain has subsided, and there is no longer a requirement to be shovelling bulk quantities of mix-n-match painkilling tablets.

What I am now left with is a two part abscess.... A deflated, watery outer part, with a rock hard poison core in the centre.

The flavour of this particular phase of toxic shock is none too pleasant.... it's like having had both lips exposed to the vacuum of space and then they've been mixed with something metallic and electrical... I taste like electricity!! What is that all that about?

But it doesn't hurt now, it just feels like there's an annoying grain of sand in my mouth, which has steadily worked its magic and caused a constant nagging annoyance. and it tastes like electricity.

Having played a seven hour solid stint at cricket today, I promise to get out tomorrow and get some fresh air.... honestly, guv!!

Mending.

The first signs of recovery from illness for me are when:

I manage to drag my sorry arse off the sofa and into a bath that won't interfere with a raging feverish temperature.

When I decide I REALLY need a shave.

When I realise just how hungry I really am.

When I can muster the enthusiasm to invite a friend (who is bunking off work) over to my house to invest some time and energy into learning how to play cricket on a playstation.

When the thought of missing out on taking a painkiller is seems like more of a good step than it seems to be a silly risk.

When the stack of bills and paperwork that has fallen through my letterbox in the feverish few days begin to actually matter, and require some attention.

And so it is, that all these events have coincided in a display of syzygy, and I think I might live.

I am gonna get myself something to eat, and stuff my face silly!! Thanks to everyone who stopped by and left messages of support or sympathy or advice.... appreciated when you're suffering, it really is.

Saints be praised.

I went shopping today with two young lads who had money burning holes in their pockets.

Primarily, I had a few items to buy from Staples.... usual post Christmas stuff.... an SD memory card, some rewritable DVDs and a printer cartridge.

Once this little bundle was out of the way we went looking at console games.

The boys have received an Xbox360 for Christmas and they're mad keen to get some new games to play on it. The shops in question were quite poorly stocked, and those that did carry the relevant titles were actually quite heavily overpriced.... e.g. I am still after a copy of Wii Play, and I found one today in a shop but it was twenty percent higher than its standard recommended retail price!!

Anyhoo......

Eventually the youngest lad, recently aged ten, found a game that he wanted, and it was a knock down price of just nine pounds. A complete bargain.

I am a confirmed and self confessed gamer. I watched video nasties when I was under age. I drank under age. I might even have gotten away with going to see a fifteen certified movie at the cinema when I was just fourteen.

The game "The young 'un" had selected had an 18 certificate. I refused to let him buy it. I felt bad, but there must be a reason why it has an 18 applied to it. I wouldn't bat an eyelid at a ten year old buying something that was rated a year or two higher, but in cinema terms, I wouldn't take him to see the Exorcist, would I?

Unfortunately, it would appear that his dad had allowed him to buy an 18 rated game just the week before and both kids expected that this precedent would sway my decision... it didn't!!

You try, don't you!!

Feeling like I was being a bit of a killjoy, I decided to research the game I had disallowed, and here's what I found to vindicate my actions.

The swearing is completely over-the-top and not necessary in my opinion, but the game keeps you entertained so as not to make this an issue. Word of warning though, it is perhaps the most violent game I’ve played, and as such I really hope the 18 certificate is taken seriously by vendors and parents alike.

As for the one dad encouraged.....

It all looks absolutely amazing, from the animation to the game's over-the-top blood effects.

The squish of flesh being ripped apart by the chainsaw, in particular, is outstanding.

I am still unsure as to whether this fits in with a child who, until recently, was too scared to go upstairs on his own, or indeed last year was having "zombie" night terrors from playing a zombie shooting game!!

You tell me!!

Happy new year ya bunch of bloggers!!

Badges.

It's Pogo badge day today, and following on from their launch of the UK founders club, yesterday, we are now eligible to spend much more money with their website and of course buy even more badges. Hooray. I won't be buying badges, or at least that's my current standpoint. Following the founders club launch, we were all given some free "gems" which you can exchange for various virtual items. I swapped mine for badges because I couldn't wait until this afternoon for the weekly challenge badges.

So, I am all badged out.... Normally on a Wednesday we are offered just two weekly challenge badges, and we have a week to complete them. I think I have completed no less than seven badges!! It truly is a sign of a misspent middle age!!

I DID, on the other hand, manage to help Polgara out with a troubling spreadsheet problem, which I am happy to say, both stretched my mind, and taught me something useful about array formulae..... I mean, c'mon, what kind of afterthought is it in a software package when, in order to input a certain kind of formula, you have to press ctrl-shift-enter to put it into a cell?? Bonkers, and I am kicking myself for not guessing the secret code earlier!! It's a good formula though.... look:

{=SUM(IF($K$2:$K$65536=V8,$J$2:$J$65536))}

I am pleased with solving that!! Note the curly brackets, which is what happens with the ctrl-shift-enter secret code!!

Other than that, it's been a day of mindless nonsense. Reading blogs, writing a blog, playing Pogo, crashing my computer (I have this weird USB related issue that is driving me up the wall and all the way across the ceiling!!), playing about 5 minutes of Sims2 before it drove me up the wall and back across the ceiling the way I came when my USB problem reared its ugly head, again!

Full moon..... Everyone run outside and have a little howl!!

Ow-Oooooow!!!!!

Like the werewolves, I gotta go get changed!!

Stuff....

.... and nonsense.

I've been busy doing "background" tasks.

These tasks are essential to my "online" existence and take up a great deal of time. Not many people notice that I have done them or even care, but I know things are tidier, neater, more organised, and much happier - In complete contrast to my "real" life!!

So, for a few examples:

Flickr - I have been adding, subtracting, tagging, geotagging, dating, uploading, and generally making my whole collection there as comprehensive as possible. New sets for Yorkshire Sculpture Park and Black Moss walk. Lots of new "phone camera" pics too.

Random Shopping - I am trying to make sure that my "Random Shopping" blog doesn't die on its arse. It's hard enough to keep one blog going (as I am sure you lazy non-updating-buggers will agree) but to keep two on the go, and make them remotely interesting is a task of some size. In order that I DO keep Random Shopping open, I have diversified into the world of discarded shopping lists.

Reading - I now subscribe to forty-four blogs in my snazzy Google blog reader. I need to subscribe to so many, so that at least someone will give me something to read each day!! Consider yourselves "roasted" for inactivity, AGAIN!

In an "offline" context I've also been quite busy:

Reading: Having recently finished another Lynsay Sands historical - The Switch, I've moved on to: Ben Elton - Stark (in the bedroom) and Robert Sabbag - Snowblind (in the reading room!).

Watching: I don't get much time to watch a lot of television at the moment. I love the 4OD and BBC iPlayer, because they allow me to download the television I missed and watch it at my leisure. I am loving CH4's Dogface, and have been watching ITV's Hell's Kitchen (which has of course (for me at least) been dreadful and compulsive).

Playing: Sims 2 with my left hand and Pogo with my right.

Picking: Blackberries. Nature's bounty is exploding around us. We managed to harvest ten pounds of blackberries on Saturday morning. Nettle stings, and ripping of thorns. The blackberry plant seems so ancient and unsophisticated, yields its fruit so easily, and you can't help but feel the primeval surge, knowing it has always been this way. Low effort in, maximum reward. Survival.

Anything else?:

Getting depressed at the quality of these photographs.

Finding this link for my tap-playing cousin.

Drinking "real ale" at the Three Pigeons (an art deco pub) in Halifax.

Eating curry at Zam Zams in Elland - Bloody gorgeous!!

Didn't....

I should have seen it coming.

I should have spotted the warning signs.

I ignored all the warnings, and it's too late now.

Sims 2 has officially stolen my life (for the second time).

What's strange about this phenomenon, and in particular, this incarnation of it, is that I have:

Been simultaneously running multiple sim familes.

Been speaking to friends in Sim language: If you know what "myshuno" is then you've also suffered.

Been running at least one "all girl" family - I leave the rest to your imagination!!

Have already been looking around my kitchen (in disgust) at the mess and running back to tidy up my virtual kitchen clutching my cup of coffee.

Played at least one session lasting thirteen and a half hours - non stop!!

Just looked at my screen to see Angela, Lilith and Kaylynn dancing together round a radio, inviting their maid to join them!! Some of them need a shower!

Bugger.

Surprise!!

I am truly surprised by the reaction to my previous post. It would seem that my passion for birdfeeding is not such an isolated case. Messages of support have been flooding in.... well a couple of people mentioned that they also indulge, and that's nice.

This year is the first year that I have had baby birds living in and around my garden, and it fills me with delight.

There's a family with three baby goldfinches. The juveniles looking similar to their parents, but lacking the vibrant red patch on their heads. They have a resplendent yellow "Z" down their wings though.

A family with three baby robins, and they are just starting to get their red breasts and to lose their spotty juvenile down. They've been such good company this summer. Apparently they are rarely seen in July and August, but I have had a garden full of them.

Bluetits nested in the holes in the cement between my house and next door. You wouldn't even know there was a hole there to be honest, and it took me a while to actually find where they were flying their beakfulls of worms into. Lots of chicks and still a good number in the garden.

Other feathered friends without families it would seem are:

Collared dove; Starling; Dunnock; Wren; Sparrow; Chaffinch; Greenfinch; Blackbird; Thrush;

In other news.....

Big Brother.... we're winding down, and tomorrow is the final. I'd be lying if I said I was excited, but I am looking forward to it. I think I have managed to keep my blog fairly Big-Brother-free during the mammoth thirteen week stint.

Beer: I've got a hankering for some real ale this weekend. I am going to give both The Star at Lockwood, and The Grove at Springwood a shot. From what I've read, they are two of Huddersfield's finest "ale" pubs, and I am getting a bit old for drinking wihtout being able to speak to my companions.

Antichrist: I have made the fatal error of reinstalling the antichrist of video gaming onto my computer. I had it before, but after it ruined my lust for gaming and lowered my self esteem to nothingness, it had to die. The Sims 2 rides again!! How many weeks will I spend maintaining my virtual real estate, while my real house and life fall into complete disrepair around my ears??

Yorkshire Pudding: You don't scare me, you big puddin'!

Random kindness: Still working on this one. Pol, it was also on R2 the other day when the lovely Davina was standing in for someone. Those blagards have robbed me blind and cast me assunder.

Blog updates: I know it doesn't look like I have been here much lately, and the posts have been thin on the ground, but believe me, I've been working my fingers to the bone for you. Here's a brief list of things that have changed:

Random Shopping has started again.

The navigation stuff on the right hand side of my page was looking really shabby, and there were so many sections with different little snippets in them, and I know nobody read any of them, so I have turned each section into a blog entry.... Feel free to click some fo the things under the "Blogbits" section on the right hand side to see what I mean.

Flickr: Not only did I upload a little section of photos for Connor (and tag them all, and geotag them all, and title, and description them), but I also uploaded a few new ones of my own. Feel free to head across to Flickr and look at mine and/or Connor's pics.

Bloglines: My cousin Sophia mentioned (sometime earlier this year) that there was a product out there called "bloglines" which manages all the blogs that you read. My list of blogs to read was becoming so long, that I have (more by necessity than curiosity) invested some effort into it, and I am loving it. If you have a long blog list to trawl through, then I suggest you set it up for yourself. Thanks Soph.... Also: I found the Guitar Hero disc that I couldn't find when you were here - didn't take me long huh?

Bowling cam: More new pictures on my dedicated bowling cam highlights page.

Pogo; Sims2; Battlefield 1942; Dungeon Keeper2 - Too much time to mention on the aforementioned.

Feeling old.

A strange illness indeed has descended upon my fevered brow.

For about a week now I have been mildly ill..... just ill enough for it to be annoying. Nothing debilitating or anything you understand, just weirdly off colour.

From the stomach gripes, through to the aches and pains in my bones. From headache to toothache. Acid scorched intestines and bubbling bowels.

It's just making me feel old. Is this really what I have to look forward to? I bloody hope not! Still, looking back to when I was in my early twenties, I would have guaranteed at that point that I would not be here today to write a blog.

Youthful nihilism is wonderful, but like a failed kamikaze pilot living in endless shame, the rewards of my over zealous days of consumptiveness are coming home to roost, like naughty pigeons.

Or maybe it's just a virus, a bug, a passing phase..... I have everything crossed, and a cupboard full of Zantac.

So where have I been? Why haven't I been blogging?? What's been so important that I have not had a few minutes to say hello?

Nothing..... Well lots of things, but probably nothing that the majority of you would be remotely interested in.....

Big Brother - I am gradually swaddling myself in the warm summer duvet of Big Brotherly love. I know you don't want to read about Big Brother here, but I like to state my case: The twins - I am loving them. They are the only housemates I have ever seen who have truly gone in there simply to enjoy and embrace the experience. I am disappointed that Lesley walked. I quite like Gerry, and although it's early days, I am starting to dislike Seany. There, that didn't hurt did it? Watching Big Brother isn't the end..... I must also watch all the companion shows - Big Mouth, On The Couch, Little Brother, Diary Room Uncut....... It takes time and dedication to be this big a geek.

Nintendo time - OK, so I bought a Nintendo Wii...... I completed the fishing game, and now I am settling down to play Red Steel - It's actually not a bad game. The controls take some getting used to, and I spend a lot of time spinning round either looking at the roof or the floor, but I am getting there. Cooking Mama is a good fun game, if a little limited in its longevity. Ten pin bowling will always be a classic.

Deadliest Catch - Its a TV show about a bunch of guys who fish the Bering Sea for crab. I love it. The new series has been great so far.

The F Word - I used to hate Gordon Ramsay, but I am now starting to actually like him. I think he has a natural talent with food, that makes it all look so easy. His choice to make that talent aggressive and loud mouthed has probably earned him more money than the talent alone, but I don't hold that against him. I also know Gordon will feel so much better knowing that's how I think.....

Celebrity Masterchef - I love the cooking shows. Don't ask me why. I am not a big fan of John Torode, but Greg Wallace is a good guy from Radio 4's very own Veg Talk. We're down to the final four contestants of this light hearted version of the much meatier Masterchef Goes Large.

Age of Empires - I am STILL playing it. I swear on my own life that this game has to be the best value game I have ever owned. There's no start, no end, and it just keeps going. I love it to pieces, and have played every incarnation. They've even announced plans for a new expansion pack - WooT!

Britain's Got Talent - Ant and Dec (my two least favourite presenters) host a talent search across the British Isles, to find an act that will be performing at the Royal Variety Performance. The three judges of this show are: Piers Morgan, Amanda Holden, and Simon Cowell - All three would feature in my top ten of who not to watch on TV - It's a recipe for a completely crap show, but I find myself actually enjoying it. From the Rapping Granny, to the Michael Jackson dancing monkey puppet act.

Hustle - OK, it's some light-hearted stuff about a bunch of grifters pulling cons against some unscrupulous "marks". The way the "marks" set themselves up for their falls is the weakest thing about the show, but the plots of the scams are worth a look. I originally was recording it for my Unc, but I am hooked now.

OK, it's clear I am becoming a telly addict. I am sorry. It's a much better habit than the smoking though. Three months have elapsed since I quit and here's my stats:

Days Smoke free: 85
Cigs not smoked: 3400
Cash saved: 893 GBP (1760 USD; 1890 CAD; 71665 INR)

Only 18 more days until Britain goes no-smoking - I for one am looking forward to it. A year ago, the concept would have scared the living bejeezus out of me, but look at me now Ma', I'm dancing, I'm dancing!!

Well.....

It just goes to show, the inequalities of life.

I have been officially missing since nine AM on Thursday, until now. That's three whole days, and nobody has even tried to phone me to see if I was alright, or whether my parents had enjoyed their Tapas!!

In truth, one friend did phone me, but it wasn't to see if I was alright, it was to see if I wanted to go round to his house to play fishing on the Nintendo Wii (pronounced, not like the Geordie hello - why aye!, but like the noise a small child makes when urinating - wee!).

Did I want to play video games? Does Margaret Thatcher have swastikas tattooed on each buttock? But of course!!

I am now suffering from Wii shoulder, which doesn't of course mean one of my shoulders has reduced in size, to the extent that it causes discomfort. Wii shoulder is more akin to tennis elbow, but slightly higher, roughly in the shoulder department as opposed to the elbow department.

I think everyone who has ever touched a Wii, has at some point received some form of injury, no matter how trivial.

My shoulder just feels like I have been shaking my arm wildly about, like trying to swat giant virtual flies, which is of course the control mechanism of said console.

Anyway, the fishing was good.

I have a strange fetish for fishing games. I loves em.

In other news.....

For Toad, today is Sunday, and for me, that means I am hoping it's also a day of sun.

Random commenter - Fishing through backdated blog postings at random and commenting. You make me feel warm all down my legs. I specifically enjoy comments like: "a post without a comment is a lonely thing".

Sir Pudding of Yorkshire - The very second I read your comment, I had a sickly feeling that we'd missed a fantastic opportunity to sell them rubber wristbands on eBay. There don't appear to be any on there, and apparently a green and yellow one would make us more money.

Sunday blogs don't come any cheaper, or less read than right here on blogger.

Early morning.

I jumped into my Porsche Carrera GT, and drove it down through Gray Point.

All the money I have spent on the car recently was feeling like money well spent. The car has reached a new level of responsiveness, and I couldn't wait to reach Rockport to really find out what it was capable of.

Driving through Point Camden. Taking the corners on the wrong side of the road, feeling the racing line. Trying not to draw TOO much attention.

Then, before you could blink, Downtown Rockport was in front of me. The widest, fastest, most open roads this side of Rosewood. It was still early, the roads were quiet enough.

The phone rings. It's my old enemy, Razor. He still bears a grudge. By the end of the phone call he is sitting in his car alongside me. One of us would have to make the first move. Billy the Kid and Wyatt Earp. High noon on wheels.

I stepped on the accelerator. Wheels spun, rubber burned, the front end of the car snaked left, then right, and I fought with the steering to bring it back under control. Eventually, I was in front..... A hundred miles an hour was the last thing I remember.

What happened? Razor flew past me, and I glanced at the speedometer. One hundred and eighty miles an hour, and he'd overtaken me. I was out of my depth.

I dropped the joystick to the floor, and switched over the television to watch a fishing programme instead.

Early to bed.....

... early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise.

I guess my desire to play "need for speed" until all hours ungodly, will mean I am destined to be a sick, stupid, pauper, for all eternity.

It's one AM and I have just hung up my crochet backed driving gloves for the evening, or should that be morning? Even my lovely ambilight television cannot conceal the bags beneath my watery, bloodshot eyes.

I've promised myself to be a better blogger over the next few days. I have so many blogs that I'd like to catch up on.

I remember once, I had a physics teacher, with whom I had established a mutual bond of hatred and fear. When I skived off physics one time, the thought of going back there to face the wrath was too much. Net result was that I never returned to his lesson for the rest of the year.

This is a similar feeling I have to revisiting some of the blogs I have been neglecting lately. The amount of catching up, and the shame of neglecting all those blog entries, and the bloody pressure to come up with a comment for each missed day is tremendous.

Even my own blog is suffering some serious abandonment issues.

I must jolly up my blog, and start writing properly again. I must organise my photos and start posting some of them. I must also start responding to a few comments that get left from time to time.

Starting now:

Spice - The camera in question, that I am saving up for, is a Samsung GX10. The camera and two lenses is just about six hundred pounds, but when you factor all the nice twiddly bits and pieces - spare battery, bag, etc etc then you know I am gonna need a grand.

Y.P. - Yes, I DO want to give up the lozenges. I have heard that the first three months of stopping smoking are the worst, and I intend to use the therapy for that period at least. After six weeks, I will make a concerted effort to reduce the dosage, but until then I am in no rush.... It's not a sprint, it's a bloody tri-peak fell running marathon. Not sure if Dawn prefers kissing an ashtray or a moody, grumpy bastard to be honest?

Here's a fitting photo that I took on St. George's day - it's one of those sit-on-and-ride things, and it's a dragon. (phone camera unfortunately - sorry).



Here's a couple of pics from when I was house sitting at my mum's place. Sheep and millstone grit, and some wild ducks that came to help the chickens eat the sheep's food!! (These are a special gift to Jen and Fred).

This is Yorkshire!!

Double edged sword.

Newton was right.... Every action force, does indeed, have an equal and opposite reaction force.

I am in absolutely no position to confirm any law of physics, but the law does seem to fit my life in mysterious ways.

Having chosen to be out of work, and to rest my weary bones, I am constantly amazed at the reaction this news would provoke in people.

People I haven't seen for years, seem to think that the topic of work is a suitable point of conversation. Rarely am I asked for my viewpoint on the war in Iraq, or my stance on global economics.

So, what are you doing now? The recurring question.

Nothing, the eternal reply.

Impossible, the look on all their faces.

As an addendum, I admit to playing lots of Nintendo.

It's difficult to garner any respect when you don't tow the seemingly employed party line.

I don't like being made to feel guilty about my choice though, and that's the bit that leaves a sour taste in my mouth.

Is it really so incredible that someone might choose not to work?

Today, as an example, and a rare one, I concede.... I woke up on the settee at about two in the morning. Rolled off the sofa, and switched everything off and went to bed.

Woke up around nine, and got some coffee and muesli. Played Nintendo while I ate my breakfast, and went back to bed.

Sucking on a nicotine lozenge and reading a book until I felt ready to get dressed. One in the afternoon. More Nintendo, more coffee, another lozenge.

I have to go pick Tom up from school in a bit, otherwise I may well have charged up my Nintendo DS and spent the whole day in bed reading, and playing games.

Whilst working, I would have daydreamed of days like this. Even on the odd duvet day, it would have been nigh on impossible to shake the nagging guilt far enough away to enjoy relaxing so much.

I refuse to feel bad about doing it..... For a while I am truly free.... to come and go as I see fit, and to do absolutely nothing if I so wish..... and I have wished long enough.

My granny.....

.... Not only throws harder than that, but she rocks harder too!!

What am I on about?

I done busted my rock bone, Musky.

I was supposed to be giving a masterclass to the kids tonight in how to play Guitar Hero 2. Alas and alack, during my afternoon warm up, which lasted some three hours, I think I have snapped more than my G string!!

My rock bone is truly knackered.

I did, however, manage to attain levels far in advance of those ever witnessed before. I can honestly say, that for a while, I was rocking.

I guess that, unlike an ageing, and rather portly Biff Byford, I know when it's time to hang up my plastic ukulele, and start sipping cocoa by the fire, with a cat curled round my feet. I don't want any of those marshmallows on top though, they make me feel queasy. I'll stick to drinking my pureed vegetables through a straw.

Ouch, my rock bone's even twinging and twanging when I type, and that's never a good sign, is it?

I should apologise for having neglected, not only my own blog, for a week or so, but everyone else's too, but I am not going to, so there!! The Fox bites his thumb at thee!!

I am still eating far too much. Too many sweets, and now I am starting to get toothache. I would switch over to gum, but it just makes me more hungry, and last time I chewed gum it inflamed an abscess in my jaw. I haven't smoked a cigarette for three weeks though, and that's no bad thing. I'll be a toothless, fat, bald, non-smoker, before you can say "diabetes".

I have managed, so far, to not smoke eight hundred and forty cigs. I have saved two hundred and twenty pounds (434 USD; 498 CAD), and that's roughly about a quarter of what I want to spend on my new camera and associated peripherals. It's a start.

I can't imagine how much gunk would have come out of those eight hundred and forty cigs, and into my lungs, and subsequently, blood. I just can't begin to imagine, that over twenty or so years of smoking, this hasn't occurred to me before.

I think, when you stop smoking, you look at a bigger picture. Let's imagine I was still smoking, then I only ever measure how many cigs I smoke in a day. I would never calculate the volume of a week, or the cost of a month..... Just the day. It works in reverse I suppose. A handy way we can imagine to ourselves that we'll stop smoking tomorrow, or that we enjoy smoking anyway.

Having a sense of smell again is a bonus.

Having a sense of taste, and obliterating it with every sugary confection under God's blue sky, is another matter.

I love being a preachy non-smoker!!

Fear ye not!



Whilst sleeping, a particularly spiced up cat, came and scent-marked my place!!

It took me two days to get my coat back into condition.

I am very much alive.

To be fair, I don't really know what I have been doing for the last couple of days. Nothing of great importance or note, that's for sure.

The weather's picked up and we are having a great spring-like flush. I've got a new phone, which has a really nice camera on it, and I've been playing a lot of Guitar Hero 2.

Please find enclosed a nice picture from my new phone. Incidentally, if anyone were interested, it's a Sony Ericsson K800i, which incorporates a 3.2 Megapixel cybershot camera with image stabilisation and all sorts of spanky bits.



A definite sign of the warmer weather... I've seen loads of really cool insects. Lots of humble bees, and flutterbys, and ladybirds.

Cheech Marin.... I used to worship you as a God, and now I see you clean shaven, and suited and booted in Nash Bridges??? How the mighty have fallen.

Late night shopping.... I am going supermarket shopping this evening with three ladies. This might not be the smartest move I have ever made. Might get some random shopping pics with my new phone though!!

Easter..... I'm not in the slightest bit religious, nor do I actually like chocolate all that much. Makes easter a bit of a washout for me really. Perhaps I should be ebaying my bloody easter eggs? I am sure Dawn and Kirsty will see them off though.

Standardly.

Sunday..... A day of rest.... sort of!!

Went out for a Mongolian barbeque last night.... Pretty good, but I couldn't eat a full one.

Ate too much, and spent the remainder of the evening in Arctic Fox's patented "poorly dog" mode. For those that don't know about this, it's like when a dog has eaten too much and is to be found rolling around on the floor with its legs in the air, whimpering.

Woke up early(ish) this morning, with a mouth like a Mongolian monkey's armpit, and a Cambodian rice belly. Not a pretty sight!!

Chilled for a while, playing Age of Empires.

Dawn came round, with Stevie the wonderdog, and after a boiled egg and soldiers, we went for a brief constitutional. Didn't walk too far, but managed to take a few photos, which of course (excuse the plug) you can find on my lovely Flickr album. Today's set is called "Outlane Walk" and there's a quite nice panoramic shot, which includes the view over the top of my house and into Halifax.

This afternoon was spent "Mother's Day" shopping, for the impending Mothering Sunday next weekend. Probably the first time in my life, that I have managed to get this thing all done, with a week to spare.

Ok, enough of my "standardly" Sunday, already.

I simply wanted to pass on a little information, to anyone who might be interested. There's this thing, right? It's an art exhibition I guess, that runs at the Musee D'Elysee - It's called "All Photographers Now".......

Far be it from me to try to explain..... but I will summarise, and you can go there and find out more if you are so inclined.

Basically, you submit your photograph(s), and they may or may not decide to exhibit them, via projecting them onto the wall of this exhibition. If they do choose to do so, they email you back a picture of your picture on their walls. Simple. They will also pick a few photos, to print them out and add them to the museum's archives.

And so, if you have ever taken a picture, you ought to at least have a shot at it.... I'd love to hear from anyone that succeeds, and of course I'd love to have a copy of and pictures that get emailed back from the museum.

Go on, it's free, and you could make some art.

The thing I love about this concept, is that it's truly modern art.... made by the people, for the people..... there are no boundaries, no borders, just pure, unadulterated, collaborative global art. Should be right up every Flickr user, and every bloggers pipe!! Digital art at its very very finest.

Adieu the noo!!

Space.

Space is ace, unless it's an MSN space of course!!

I am trying to make a concerted effort to catch up with my blogging buddies, but MSN spaces are so bloody effing slow, that I just can't do it.

Go on MSN users, take the plunge and get yourself a proper blog!!

I have a stack of paperwork and housework to do, but I am so much more content to be sitting in a pigsty, impersonating an elite sniper on my playstation. Woe is me.

Maybe I will get round to it tomorrow? Whaddya reckon the chances of that are?

I can already hear a raft of prerecorded sky+ programming that I have carefully selected. Those Pogo badges are not going to complete themselves. Those bloody Germans will still be running their ammunition dumps, and dammit, those trees, fish, and gold mines, just won't manage on their own.

I'm a slave to the game.

I am an imp in the very dungeon of my own creation, suffering a tirade of self flagellation. The prize? My very own dried up coffee cup ridden pigsty, complete with overflowing ashtrays.

It's true, life's a bloody game.... just not sure what type it is yet, or where I can buy the strategy guide. One thing's for sure though, I am preordering the sodding expansion pack!!