It All Adds Up

Posted on January 5, 2024 by apronheadlilly

Some people count states on license plates when on a long trip. We count hawks. It’s a birder / photographer thing, I suppose. Though, sadly, I never get to stop to grab the photo when we are aiming to get from point A to point B in the shortest amount of hubby time.

On this recent trip to OK over New Year’s, we had a 28 hawk day. That’s probably the most we have ever seen. On the trip home, we had a 20 hawk day–actually a 19 hawk plus 1 eagle day. Still pretty cool!

But on our trip to Dallas yesterday, which is a much shorter trip, we had a 2 hawk day–one alive and perched, the other dead in the middle of an off-ramp, wing reaching toward the sky. Sad. And then to round the trip off, for the very first time, we had a javelina day!

I had heard there were a lot of them here, but we had never seen any. This one was a mighty rotund specimen, eating busily by the side of the road. He should have been glad I am vegan. They will destroy property with all their rooting, and I can see why. They could also do a lot of damage should you hit one with the car, but gladly this fella was keeping to the shoulder.

I don’t intend on changing our hawk counting, but I think I might need to also keep my eyes open to the side of the road, if only for the safety of our bumper.

No pic to follow–point A, point B!

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Respect

Posted on January 4, 2024 by apronheadlilly

I have been thinking about respect lately—given and received. I guess I often thought of it as shouldered up against love. The admiration and thoughtful regard that had any meaning, any authenticity, would be so close to love as to be almost indistinguishable. But I have changed my mind about this.

Someone can love me and yet show disrespect in how s/he treats my ideas, my feelings, my needs. I have felt the distinction, and I’m sure have been guilty of doing the same.

It is not easy, though. Not easy to disagree emphatically without showing a disregard for a person’s feelings and particular point of view. The tricky thing is that when disrespect is consistently practiced, love diminishes. It becomes a word used in meetings and greetings, but a word that weakens with use because the soul food that nourishes love is poisoned by the criticisms and insensitive barbs.

Respect is the doorway to real relationship—the foundation of genuine love.

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Worth Fighting For

Posted on January 4, 2024 by apronheadlilly

I started in Joshua for my Bible reading to start the year. Once again, I was reminded that God gave the people of Israel the land across the Jordan, but it was not a passive gift.

We just had Christmas presents exchanged. They were opened passively, some liked, some not, but it was all just a relatively simple and sane exchange. Not one gift was given with the instructions that possession involved fighting enemies who were bent on your not having that gift, though there was a lot of wrapping paper pelting done in good fun with no injuries.

I guess my expectation is that when God promises me something, it should come easy. But that never seems to be the way of things. Promises and gifts come with the daily struggle of commitment, of surrender, and I give up so easily as to make His gifts seem worthless.

But all the gracelets so freely given to my life are worth sacrificing for in the possessing.

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Do you ever wonder . . .

Posted on August 30, 2023 by apronheadlilly

Do you ever wonder who the first person was to eat rhubarb? The leaves are poisonous and the stalks are really sour. So who was the one who said, ya know add a little sugar and put it in a pie, and it will be a fabulous dessert?

Who tried raw cashews first, and after their LSD-like trip came down and said, ya know I think if we steam or roast these suckers, vegans in the 21st century will not only see them as health food, but will use them to make all manner of dairy-free creams and sauces?

Who picked elderberries, ate them, and survived long enough to cook them and recommend them forever after as a cough medicine, let alone an immune boosting superfood?

When the first person to chew up a bunch of cherry pits died of cyanide poisoning, did the powers that be decide not to let others eat them, especially children. No, they handed them out as a healthy snack without even a caution. And don’t get me started on the arsenic in apple seeds and rice.

Nutmeg is a tasty addition to baked goods and smells so festive, but that may or may not be just an hallucination as you convulse, dizzy from the toxic oil in this spice.

So, you really have to wonder who in the tribe got sacrificed before the rest of the tribe felt it safe to try said food. Not sure there is anything safe to eat!

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A Bit of This about That

Posted on August 12, 2023 by apronheadlilly

Just a thought:

When a young person is thinking about career paths, I wonder what goes into the process that would lead that person to choose to pull teeth out of human heads for their life’s work.

Wondering in my post-extraction state.

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We Make People Lie

Posted on August 3, 2023 by apronheadlilly

We make people lie.

It is about time we eliminate meaningless greetings and replace them with simple phrases, like good morning, good afternoon, and hello.

I remember years ago going through a grocery checkout line, fighting a bad headache. It had taken a lot of energy just to be standing there, purchasing some necessary items; so, when the cashier said, “Hi, how are you today?” I decided to tell her! “You know I am feeling pretty bad. I have a nasty headache. One of many lately.” She was absolutely silent and went on to check out my items as if I were invisible; because as you can probably guess, she really didn’t want an answer. She used the question in place of an hello.

Most often now, I don’t even respond because it is not a meaningful query so does not deserve an answer or even recognition. My silent protest to an empty convention. Sometimes, I say fine or something quirky, like ducky; but in these senior days of mine when lots of things hurt, it is not often true. Since I don’t like to play this social game and prefer honesty, I always feel a twinge in my chest when I lie. But would an authentic answer to a stranger be appropriate? Of course not, since the question was not a real question but a meaningless greeting.

Even among acquaintances and friends, we fall into the trap of using these throwaway greetings in public gatherings when we have neither the time right then nor perhaps even the will to listen to a truthful response. It becomes just a simple way to be friendly as we pass by without the commitment of a true listening ear and feeling heart. And for those who are dealing with pain and soul-crushing loss, it puts them in a vulnerable position. They have to lie rather than be exposed—either that, or they will feel the need to hide out in the bathroom.

That’s not to say that every interaction needs to be some kind of therapy session or prayer meeting. That’s not real life either, but we also should not phrase questions that require others to lie about the struggles they are going through in body, mind, and spirit—unless we indeed are willing to demonstrate that we care and are available.

So, let’s chuck the hollow greetings while at the same time pray to be open to the person we meet and their genuine needs.

****************

An additional rant note to cashiers:

  • If you are 40 years old or younger, do not call me sweetie.
  • Even if you are from the South, do not call me honey.
  • And when my thinning, white hair is tied back in a wimpy ponytail, especially do not call me sir!

I am liking the idea of self-checkout more and more!

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Things Old and New

Posted on July 31, 2023 by apronheadlilly

Psalm 49: 3-4 plus . . .

My mouth shall speak wisdom

–wise words, tough truths passed down by generations of the faith-filled,

the Spirit led

and the meditation of my heart

–the thinking, the praying, the thought-struggling

shall give understanding.

–ah-ha lightning flashes and hard clarifications

I will incline my ear to a proverb;

–wise counsel from tested saints, teachers tried by fire, proved and powerful

I will disclose my dark saying

–my own mental riddles and prayed out conundrums, spirit wrestling with Spirit

on the harp.

–in music and poems, weighted words fashioned from gifts and grief.

*****************************

Matthew 13:52

“Therefore every scribe instructed concerning the kingdom of heaven is like a householder who brings out of his treasure things old and new.”

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And So I Wait

Posted on July 3, 2023 by apronheadlilly

Is it idiocy in trying to find a theodicy that clearly reflects and defines

the Divine—His world and His relationship to it, a belief that clearly explains the pain,

the in-the-trenches plodding of life,

the gut-wrenching sorrows bookended . . . yes, by radiance and joy;

and boy,

if I could understand it all, I’d write a book.

We pray for divine interruptions to the messes, and our yeses we condition with accusations and excuses for failure and weakness,

ours and yours.

We pray for divine interpretations of the hard to comprehend explanations and often downright fabrications of the cosmic order, the divine function—the fodder of philosophers, theologians, and armchair pontificators.

And in the thick of it, the little light that shines would not overwhelm the darkness except for the beauty, the broken, flawed beauty that surrounds,

astounds, and shouts that there is something greater than all these losses,

greater than all this longing. And so we wait.

And so we wait when the waiting is hard;

we endure when enduring hurts.

Except for the beauty, except for the love,

suffering—hers, yours, and mine—would swallow us up.

Is it idiocy to try and find a theodicy that makes all the pieces fit just so, to make all the questions conform to what I need to know?

Maybe . . . except for the beauty, the bit of respite where hope sings.

And so I wait.

**********************

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word, I put my hope.

My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning,

more than watchmen wait for the morning.

~Psalm 130: 5-6~

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All These Things

Posted on April 10, 2023 by apronheadlilly

All these things that decorate my home, things I have created with passion and energy, skill and sometimes surprising serendipity: They color my home with warmth and visual pleasure. They still bring me joy and satisfaction, remembering those phases of my artistic pursuits. But I have to wonder where they will end up after I am gone.

Stuffed in the back of some closet or under the bed with other guilt heirlooms.

A thrift store, a junk pile?

Will any of it matter? Does it even matter now? Really?

I have made pottery, quilts, soft sculpture dolls, painted folk art pieces, cross-stitch and needlepoint projects, crocheted rugs . . . and then there are the thousands of photographs and all those myriad words in novels, poems, and essays and published songs and recordings—pieces of my mind and heart, framed, spiral-bound, pressed in vinyl.

My treasures, another’s junk—at least, I fear it.

My kids have their own lives, their own accumulations, and I can’t imagine their cherishing my creations so much that they would add mine to their own clutter and displace their own treasures; so, what do I do with all this stuff? Or do I do nothing?

We raised our children to be independent and not be tied to their parents’ apron strings—to live their own lives. And they are. But until you are on the home stretch of your own life does it finally dawn on you that your collections, souvenirs of your pursuits and accomplishments, and even your thoughtful words become more and more worthless, risking becoming an albatross around the necks of those left behind.

I guess the pain of letting go chips at our desire—my desire—for significance. The “things” are evidence that I did something with my life that was important, even magical. That I was important. I contributed something to the world that benefited others. That inspired others. The knowledge that what I have done will turn to dust as my body will someday, is an important reminder of what is really important.

Really.

It is what I have lived for—at least, I have tried.

The eternal things.

I am not getting rid of my quilts, so don’t even ask. But when that final day comes, if the kids don’t want my stuff, and it ends up in a thrift store, I will be okay with that. Mainly because I won’t be here.

I have created in this life because my Father is a Creator.

I have sung in this life because my Father has filled me with ideas, music, and praise.

I have loved in this life, even ever so weakly, because my Father is love.

So, will it matter where all my things end up or that my name will live on in this world. No, it will only matter that I am His and Home.

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Just a thought . . .

Posted on February 6, 2023 by apronheadlilly

You know that point in a film when the bad guy tells the trapped sucker that unless they do this thing–usually some horrible act of betrayal–the said bad guys will kill your mom, your wife, your kids, and maybe even your coffee barista?

Just a heads up if you are ever in that situation: from countless theatrical examples, once you complete the required act, you find out they have already killed your loved ones, and you are next! So just man (or woman) up and do the right thing!

I find myself screaming this at television screens! And yet . . .

You’re welcome.

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