Today, for the first time in six years, I’m sitting at the computer and have no desire whatsoever to do anything with my books. Don’t want to go on with the new one, or the last one sitting ignored in a file. Can’t face the promotion drudge. Right now I could stop it all. Why? Because my sales are nearly zero, and yes,OK, I haven’t done much marketing lately,but the fire’s gone out. I also write in a niche, small market, and to break into something like chic lit is daunting.

I have always felt that my writing is God given, but now maybe it’s time to give up. Maybe this is what he’s telling me inside. I’ve done some author mentoring which I really enjoy, and I’ve got a day in a school coming up, and I can run my first course on self publishing in the autumn. But even so.

I’ve also dropped my volunteering with the RDA as I just got bored stiff with it, didn’t really get involved enough in it.

In the autumn, I’ll be starting a new Toddler group in the church, which will be a blast. I know  God’s given me this to do, and that’s starting to come together, but I need someone else in with me, it’s not a solo job.

It’s the money thing that’s twisting away in me, if the books don’t sell, this makes our income increasingly tight. We have cut things and perhaps we’ll get through to when my pension arrives in 2026. Or I could get off my bum and find a part time job, it wouldn’t take more than something part time to sort things out.  But there’s very few jobs for a 64 year old bat, who has horses, libraries and cleaning holiday houses on her CV. And few jobs in this part of the valleys. And I’ve got lazy, and woolly minded, enjoying so much this semi retired rut. I had planned a huge marketing month, with promotions, give aways, trying Tiktok, doing all I can think of to promote the books, but I feel it will all be just a waste of time.

I love to give my books away, but that eats away at things. If it wasn’t for the money worry, I could blissfully go on, as my books will leave some sort of witness and testimony in time. I could enjoy them again.

So, having got that off my chest, I’ll go and cook some tea, feed the dog, read a book and later spend the evening in front of the TV. I really can’t see how to resolve this.