So yesterday, I was talking about the feeling of utter failure of my D&D session, which is a topic guaranteed to alienate most of my audience immediately. 🙂 However, it’s only a microcosm of dealing with rejection, ADHD, the creative process, and dealing with other people in general.
To sum up, my long-running game was facing a crisis. The players don’t seem to enjoy my campaign, I’m certainly not enjoying it, and the last session was a complete disaster. When I went to work the next day, I was ready to drop out and end the whole game. I would miss my friends and the excuse the game is to hang out with them, but if no one’s having fun, what’s the point?
However, I also know from past experience that my ADHD mind immediately goes to the worst extreme first, or what I know are Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTs). This happens when I get in an argument with my wife (“So we’re getting a divorce now, great”) or someone gives me feedback on my project (“They hate it, I’m a #@*$ing screwup”) or my son blows up on me for something I think is reasonable (“Well, *$#& him, he can #@($ing move out if he don’t like it!”).
So I told myself, wait a day, think about if the game can be fixed, and the solution might present itself. What hit me hard about this was that I thought I had fixed it a couple weeks earlier, but apparently didn’t address the key issues. However, the more I thought about it, it wasn’t just that the players wanted a simpler plot to follow, it’s that they didn’t want to make any decisions. I already knew my “table” was a “beer & pretzels game,” meaning players who didn’t really want to be involved with heavy roleplay or problem solving, so why did I think just shortening the amount I presented would fix it?
What I researched (and realized I’m not alone) is that I need to design more set-pieces (which I kinda already do; when you’ve got an online board, you need to have battle sequences set up in advance), keep the players on their toes by having things attack/react to them, and therefore they don’t have to make the decisions they can’t/won’t do. Focus on moments, not plots.
When anyone does creative things, whether it’s writing the books that I hawk here, or the games I play with my friends, you do it because you want the feedback. You want the gratification that people like your ideas, that you’re interesting, and that what you create is worthwhile. I sent out my recent novel, No Such Wizard, to several of my friends and asked them to read it. I knew they wouldn’t, but I wanted to pretend that they cared enough to try. One of them actually said they read it and that it was good! Wow! I felt warm and tingly about it. Then when I met them for drinks later, tried to ask them more about the book (what did they like, was it interesting, yadda yadda), they completely dodged the topic. Twice.
So I have to ask myself… did they actually read the book or were they just saying that to be nice? Frankly, I would have been happier if they hadn’t said anything; at least it would have met expectations.
I learned long ago to stop asking the world to conform to my needs and adjust myself to get my needs met within the limitations I have. What do I get out of gaming? Hanging out with my friends. Focus on how me and my friends can enjoy the experience. What do I get out of writing? I have fun creating these worlds and seeing what my characters do in them. Then focus on the process, not the result. If someone reads it, even better, because I have someone to share it with. Why do I write on my blog? Because there is so much additional research that I use to develop my stories that just wouldn’t fit in the story, so I put it here. Plus I have a place to publically kvetch about life, love, and whatever else needs to get off my chest.
Well, if you’ve read my quasi-therapy session, you have my thanks, check out No Such Wizard, my recent novel. If you’re a dedicated Kindle user like I am, it’s only $0.99. Check it out. If you’re a cheapskate like me, I still want you to read it, but you can check it out on An Archive of Our Own (AO3) with simpler formatting, but the words are all the same. Enjoy!
Albigensia Press 