Category Archives: bisexual

Brooklyn Sucks

Posted by LawNerd on

So while at work, I was talking to Brooklyn. I asked her if it was the alcohol talking from last night, and she said no it was just liquid courage. Then she went on and on about not being sure about relationships. I agreed on grounds that as long as the person isn’t clingy as fuck, and is mature to know I’m also a full time student and full time worker and full time caregiver I could try a relationship. The next thing I knew, she sent this!

 

Her last text

I just kind of stood there and was like “umm… Okay then? This sounds like how I was back in high school.”

I’m not a total heartless bitch, I did feel slightly bad about her situation of needing to move out on short notice. But I found it funny that she had to cut things off fast again, so Bucky, and my other friend are making jokes about it- which led to the birth of my last poem.

 

okay for the record, im 22 and technicaly a virgin due to not being penetrated or orally gone down on… so yes clearly im repressing a lot and just want to have sex inside a relationship and not wait for marriage anymore!

 

When in Brooklyn..?

Posted by LawNerd on

Apart from the agonizing pain of wanting to tear out every strand of hair from my body bc of class and my mom starting dialysis, get get the strangest Facebook message from Brooklyn, aka the girl I started to fall for little by little when I was in law school… So from about 1.5 years ago. She asked me for my number again only to send me this… 

 

Brooklyn’s text

 
So I just sat there. I tried to rememebr the way I felt about her. How it was just so easy to talk to her, and how smart she was and kept thinking about us being a lesbian power couple or like Ellen and Portia. 

Instead, I kept thinking about Bucky. She’s been there for me through everything these past few years. But- it was after Brooklyn that I got the nerves to ask Bucky out. 

I told Brooklyn why not- let’s give it another shot especially now that I’m back in Illinois and so I’m 200 miles away. 

Guess time will tell. It’s just crazy that I stopped looking for anyone, and then this happened. 

Normalcy for Cuddling? 

Posted by LawNerd on

I have a friend… 

Kidding, you all know who it is if you have followed me since last year…

Bucky. 

Bucky is my friend. The friend that rejected me the night of the dance back in November where, I went to in a suit (because it was the first time I felt like breaking gender roles and also revealing my sexuality to my whole law school). It was the night I told her I have fostered a crush from the first moment I saw her, and that I’m finally mustering up the balls to tell her. 

It’s been 9 going on 10 months since I told her about my feelings. Since then, we’ve gone out as friends, had deep conversations about life, been there for each other and cuddled a few times… 

Tuesday: I cleaned and then Bucky came over to watch a move but we ended up playing video games instead. At first we sat on opposite ends of the couch but when she busted out the vape, she blew the smoke into my mouth while being inches from my open lips and I delivered it back via my nose nostrils… Which sounds kind of erotic now that I’m reading as I am typing it…

Wednesday: I went to the gym on Wednesday night with Kate. But before that, I cleaned then went to Starbucks to meet Bucky. We were having a great time hanging out until her work called and said they are missing money from her till. I have never seen Bucky so… In shock. We took separate cars to her work because she needed to get there asap and I had to run my errand fast to meet her. We pulled in,  and just as she got out of the car she began to fall and I caught her. I held her tightly in my arms just saying that they have a mistake and it’s going to be okay. I waited outside in my car with the windows open and then she came out and before I could say anything she leaned in and wrapped her arms around me and said “everything is okay. I’m just really glad you’re here with me right now. I wouldn’t have even been able to go in if it wasn’t for you” 

I just sat there dumbfounded while holding her and rubbing her back. Of course she would have had to go in, it’s a duty. Feeling her hug me and telling me how scared she was almost for a split second made old feelings rise up again. I don’t want our friendship hurt again, so I suggested we go for ice cream to stop hugging but that I would drive because she’s in no condition to drive… 

We get to Oberwies, and I teach her how to play chess before getting her brother food and went to get her car. After that I picked up Kate to go to the gym and told her about the day… 

Kate: dude… I see where this is going… I don’t like it. 

Me: what do you mean…? The cuddling and the hugs? It shows we have a strong bond…?

Kate: no, that’s not normal. Look at us. We have known each other for 9 years- but we don’t cuddle and we have regular hugs. That’s the fine line you guys crossed. 

Me: Sooo…. What does that mean? 

Kate: it means that you’re falling for her again, and she’s going to push you away again and you’re gonna be hurt again… 

Thursday: i took my mom to the hospital for the final testing of her being a good canidate for a double transplant… Then I came home and went to the gym on my own. Turns out Ella (the crazy ex that’s a model) was there and I freaked out instantly, I texted Bucky to pretend to be my gf and text me. The result…? This:  

    
  

Yet I’m still wondering about what Kate said about there being a line that we crossed with cuddling with our legs intertwined and the hugs outside of her work… Maybe I’m slowly falling again but just don’t want to admit it? 

 

The U-Haul…?

Posted by LawNerd on

I’m not one for stereotyping people of the LGBTQIA community… But tonight just made me feel so weird about the date with Shellbelle.

Me: I saw your post on tumblr about 420. Lol bring a joint next wk?
Her: I don’t know how to roll a joint, but if you have any we can try it out. Or smoke from my bowl. Oh. One thing though… If my mom is home and if she wants to meet you, I’m telling her I met you at school. She probably would like to meet you and talk about your home town since she’s from there too.

And that’s when I was like “What?” How did we get from 420 to her wanting me to meet her mom? And that’s when it hit me. This totally has to be a mini u-Haul moment. I never dreamed of being in one. Nor did I think I would have met someone whose faster than me in that sense. And it makes me think… “Does this mean she wants to have sex like on the fucking first date?” “Is this how I used to come off as?” “What?” I just don’t know what the hell happened.

IMG_4279.JPG

But in the end I said; “well, it’s ultimately your decision if you want me to meet your mom: if she wants to meet me too. I’m cool either way, and I can say I went to your school and say that’s where we met. It’s not that big of a deal.”

But me- not the stressed out me- always had a problem with that. So I guess I’ll find out how this all goes down next week… I know for a fact she’s pretty hot, and apparently wants to get laid (which I’m all for that, but with someone I have more… Substance with), so what else is really stopping me/ giving me this uneasy feeling now?

Unexpected?

Posted by LawNerd on

The_Text

 

This was my text to Bucky. Kate had said that she wasn’t liking Bucky since she always bails on the last-minute, which in my defense it was because I always invited her 2 days before wanting to go out…

But maybe the hints I’ve been leaving on tumblr or the fact that I straight up complemented and slightly batter my eyes on a Facebook post of hers that might have made her realize “oh. She does have a thing for me… What’s 3 hours on the road…? I did turn her down twice before back when she did live in IL…”

I’m trying not to get my hopes up, but still… It’s some hope. Even though, I did kinda hit it off with Mo, I can’t seem to fully bring myself to get over the whole blind factor. I feel like I’m not responsible enough.  Sure I love the conversations we get into, but I haven’t really thought about anything else, whereas with Bucky I feel shy and nervous around but I know for a fact that I’m attracted to her and that we could have more conversations if we did talk more/ I wasn’t shy as hell and just straight up told her how I started to feel about her since April.

Also, I’m doing better in school. I’m feeling more motivated. YES!

Just My Luck

Posted by LawNerd on

Right after my midterm/ class, I hit the road home eating out my lovely co-pilot… A bag of popcorn.

As soon as I get back in town, I get rear ended by this little kid who was texting and driving.

The next day (Saturday), I went to the bank, and saw Bucky. I didn’t expect my breath getting caught again as soon as I saw her. After we chatted and right before I left she asked me to let her know when I’m in town again because she wants to get that cup of coffee still. It totally raised my spirits to hear her say that.

Since then, I’ve been just staying afloat in class. Tuesday, I was made a fool out of by the professor, and so I tried to make it up to myself by volunteering every day this week.

Tomorrow is my coffee outing with Mo and then I don’t know… I really want to go back home and take Bucky out but…

I really should study.

Will I, With Willy?

Posted by LawNerd on

Willy from mock… She came out to me as bisexual, but on her Tumblr she states that she’s a lesbian (even though she’s dating/living with a Filipino guy).

But I’ve had the hint of this for quite some time… I started to notice back on our last trip for mock trial last season in March. It was: Will (the coach), Sara, Willy, and I driving in the van to one of the most beautiful campuses I’ve seen in my life: Washington University in St. Louis. Us three were in Dr. Rabbit’s modern philosophy class together, so we know each other well enough.

But in the car, I was talking to our coach about letting me put some music on from my iPod. But it wasn’t the right connector, so Willy gave me her iPod to put in since I was in shotgun and I was looking through all of her music that was mostly indie, and I really liked her taste. So I told her, and she blushed and smiled. Sara is really down to earth, so she said I had to expand my music taste. But I occasionally looked at Willy throughout the 4 hour ride, even when she had fallen asleep and thought she was adorable.

Present day…

The day I saw Dr. Rabbit at school, December 4th, was when Willy told me on the phone later that night that she’s been coming to terms about being attracted to girls. But since then, we’ve talked more via Facebook especially about Tumblr as of lately. I don’t know… Maybe the fact that I’ve told her I’ve been aware of my feelings for girls since I was 14, and came out to friends then and both my parents when I was 18, made her look up to me…? (She would have to nevertheless since I’m about a foot and few inches taller than her! ha!)

Strange part… as of 2 weeks that I’ve become consciously aware, I catch myself looking at her profile pictures on Facebook for minutes on end. And all I could think of afterwards was: I don’t want to start 2014 off with a crush on someone I know I probably won’t be able to be with either. A new year calls for a new perspective on life. Or do I say screw it, and say-

“Will I, with Willy?”

Helpful Relationship Advice!

Posted by LawNerd on

I’m a lot like Arielle… none of my relationships in the past 7 years (Irony since that’s pretty much around the time I started dating too) have been long except for two that were both 5 months long… Which means, like her, I’m doing something wrong. I guess this video isn’t just for me but for anyone else who has relationship issues!