Where'd my muse go?

Late into the year, I made up this lit blog to be a sort of online folder where I place stuff I've written. It felt like I carried an attache case purposefully open and walked out of my door to a windy street, let all my papers fly out for the whole world to catch or be slapped over the face with or step on. It was somewhat liberating because, unbeknownst to everyone, I am not comfortable with my notes to be made public. Having that blog took a lot of courage and of course, it ignited the fire to write again on a more regular basis so I have to say having that blog was a good move.

Now, I haven't been writing as much as I would like to. It seems I lack the inspiration. My prose factory is blacked out and the machines aren't working. Also, I haven't been drawing anything for over a month now and I'm really itching but I can't bring myself to. Why the fuck am I suddenly being temperamental?

Something is wrong within me, even chemically, I believe. These occurrences make me want to have a shrink figure me out and tell me exactly what furniture in my head I should move and what plant in the window I should throw out so my muse will come back and be willing to live with me again.

Fucking first world problems in a third world country.

Photo of me reading Nell Freudenberger's Lucky Girls totally unrelated to post. 

Deal with it.

Today, my brother bitched to me (again) about getting a job. I WILL, BROTHER!!! And also, I have. You may not believe it but I dragged my ass around town looking for a job and damn jobs I'm willing to take on are pretty good at hide and seek. I'll try again two weeks from now after I shaved and waxed my body spotless and baked my girlfriends their birthday cakes.

As for now, I am baked and going to bed and sleep a dreamless sleep.

SMILE!

Writer.

Last Friday, right after I turned in my exam paper, my teacher (who is also our H.R.M. and Tourism department's Chairman) asked me if I'm graduating this year. I said no and that I expect to graduate next year, at least if everything stays smooth-sailing. I asked him why and he told me that he had been planning to come up with a magazine for our department and he'll be getting me as a writer.

I said yes.

I've had some people ask me to write but it's definitely my first time to be asked by a teacher or an authority to write for something as important as a school publication. Voluntarily contributing is one thing but being tasked is a whole new level. I felt glorious. I also thought to myself 'yes, finally.' I wanted to do a Tom Cruise at that moment but there was no couch. Truth is, I've been feeling quite low the past few weeks and this was, as far as I can remember, the best pick-me-up I've ever had.

I've been writing since I knew how. Although I admit that right now, I love reading more than writing. One reason could be because I feel inadequate and that I need to learn more. Plus, I am my worst critic. Thank God for computers, can you imagine how much paper I'd be wasting for revisions? But I figured, I wouldn't be able to enhance and improve myself unless I practice (ergo, this blog among other things). More practice will ensue for me if that magazine will realize materially. I can't wait.

I will totally spill all the details for sure. Celebrate with me when it happens?