5ives v2.0.0 Built Aug 17, 2026, 12:34 AM
  1. A car should not have to “honk” when you lock it
  2. Farts should be acknowledged, if not celebrated
  3. Mr. Obama is not actually reading your Twitter
  4. Your hair looked better before
  5. No one likes your Harley
  1. Dazzler’s Irrational X-Uberance
  2. 50 Shades of Jean Grey
  3. Astonishing X-Actuaries
  4. Professor Sartre and the All-New X-Istentialists
  5. Uncanny X-Girlfriends
  1. the affectless engineer in the recording booth when Davy Jones sang on The Brady Bunch
  2. the waiter who takes Fredo’s banana daiquiri order in The Godfather II
  3. the G.I. in the next stall in Slaughterhouse-Five
  4. the pomaded guy playing drums on the street in Taxi Driver
  5. Donald Trump
  1. Where I’m Calling For a Cab From
  2. Will You Please Be Quiet, Please, My Head is POUNDING, Please?
  3. Call If You Need Me to Bring Ice
  4. Tell the Women We’re Going on a Beer Run
  5. What We Talk About When We Talk About Obvious Raymond Carver Jokes
  1. Rubberbands holding WordPress together broke. Again.
  2. Chronic katalogosophobia
  3. Deliciously addictive Sex in the City Box Set
  4. Painful condition involving corns or something
  5. I’m a complete idiot
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