"I've got a secret..."... than watching a 6'3 man riding a bike intended for a 5 year old. :)
We went back in for the girl's weight check today and... victory! 10 pounds, 12 ounces. Hello! That would be a gain of 20 ounces since last week-just shy of 3 ounces a day! Please! That's ginormous! I guess high calorie formula will do that to a girl. We did have to do the blood work on her today just to be sure, but I think it'll come back fine. And we still have to come back in next week for another weight check, but I'm sure if we continue doing what we did this week (feeding formula pretty exclusively), we'll keep getting good results!
"Look at me, man! I'm practically a sumo!"
"Ahhhhhhh."So it has been claimed by some that Nathan is "fast with his lips." In light of further information from a reliable witness, I would like to clear my boy's name. He kissed her because she asked him to. Now, if you know Nathan, you know that the child is predominately obedient. He just is. And possibly a little oblivious. So, a cute girl says, "Nathan! Kiss me!" The kid is probably going to oblige!
And as for Lauren's hope that she might marry him, while I think that would be lovely, I am fairly sure she will have to get in line, as there are a few other girls who have indicated to their mothers that they too would like to marry that Nathan Weed. Not that I can blame them. The kid's a gem. And he'll be a great husband. He loves babies, he's in touch with his feminine side, he's intelligent and sensitive, athletic and he'll be a good provider. Plus he's just cute. What more could you ask for?
5 little monkeys, swingin' in a tree
Teasin' Mr. Alligator, can't catch me,
No you can't catch me!
Along comes Mr. Alligator, quiet as can be (and Cody really is quiet as can be on this part)
Then SNAP! that monkey out of the tree
I figured it out! I know why she hasn't been eating well! This is what we've got to do!
PS-I love this movie in large part because of this scene!
I'm no pro at capturing the smile yet. (Obviously. As she only started doing it yesterday!) But I caught her in a smiley mood and here's a series of my attempts.
So the good is that she totally smiled at me today. Over the past few days, a smile has become a more frequent expression on her face, but always at random times, and never directed at anyone. Yesterday, I smiled at her as I was changing her, and her smile in response was so immediate that I thought, "Oh, I just happened to smile at her right before she was going to do it anyway..." But today, as I was about to start feeding her, I smiled and she smiled back. Not an accidental my-lips-just-did-this smile, but an eyes locked hello-mother-and-thank-you-for-keeping-me-alive smile. I've tried all day to get a picture of the smile, but as yet, I can't make it come on command. I'll get it sometime...
And for the not so good, we had a doctor's appointment yesterday and she gained 3 ounces over the week. 3 ounces! And that's even with supplementing with the formula as often as she'll take it. Geesh. Not real super. So, we headed over to the hospital to do more blood work and tests. The results of that came back today, with most everything normal, but a few things just slightly elevated (and elevated is apparently bad.) So next week at her next weight check, they're going to repeat the blood work (poor poor baby. It stinks to be a baby and to have to get vials of blood taken out!!) And, if she doesn't gain well over the next week or MAYBE 2 weeks, they're going to call her "Failure To Thrive" and hospitalize her and feed her with a feeding tube. Um? So, this week and next, I have got to BREAK MY BRAINS feeding the child. Now I'm using a little feeding tube that you strap in there at the same time as she's breastfeeding, so as to maximize her calories per suck. And I'm supposed to go buy super high calorie formula, like the stuff they feed to preemies.
You know, for some of us, not being able to gain weight would be an awfully nice problem to have... just not for the 5 week old set.
Have you ever noticed that when you're rocking a baby to sleep, they don't respond that well to gentle, easy to maintain bouncing and rocking? At least, my kids don't. No. They want the full force bounce. The faster you go, the better. The more energy it takes from you, the better. Just the same way that when they're fussy, they always prefer you to stand while you hold them-none of this comfortable sitting stuff. Almost as though there's a direct relationship between their comfort and your discomfort. They are the infantile equivalent of people who pop in an exercise DVD and then, just watching all that movement makes them tired, so 10 minutes later, you find them asleep on the couch. When I'm trying to rock that baby to sleep, I've got to be doing a full aerobic workout, bouncing and high stepping and jumping if I can. This is why, for those of you who saw me at church with a screaming baby, I couldn't put that child to sleep. Yes, you may have thought that it was just because I'm an incompetent mother. And while I don't dispute that, the real reason was that it would have been too embarrassing to do my baby-go-to-sleep-step-hop-dance routine in public.
Lately, I find myself taken in by my daughter's hands. Lovely, delicate little hands. They remind me of fragile birds fluttering around her little body. As I feed her, I usually hold her hands. And as I stare at those little hands, my mind is transported to all of the things those little hands will experience.
First, I see those hands as toddler hands. I hope they've gotten a little pudgy by that time because toddler hands should be chubby, with dimples over each knuckle. I see her toddler hands trying to catch a ball, but missing. I see her clapping her hands with delight anyway. I see her hands patting her daddy's cheeks. I see her using those pudgy hands to work some Cheerios into her mouth.
I see her little girl hands. Patting the foreheads of her sick dollies. Carefully stirring the pot in her pretend cooking. Pointing as she bosses her brothers around. :) I see those little girl hands busily coloring and pasting and creating. Twirling a jump rope and holding go fish cards.
I see her teenage hands. I see her applying make-up and nervously twisting her hands as she waits for a date. I see her long fingers in her hair, trying to fix it just right. I see her hands learning to be capable as she throws a ball or plays the piano. (Probably my visions should just include seeing her hands fly as they text her friends. :)
I see her holding hands with her sweetheart. Joining hands in marriage. I see a mother's hands, turning red and wrinkly in the hot dish water. Sustaining little grease burns as the dinner she's making pops and crackles. Holding her own babies and rubbing their little backs when they cry. Wrapping Christmas presents and baking cookies for her kids. Busy hands that work and love. Hands that bring happiness to those around her.
And over time, those mother hands become grandmother hands. Hands that have had a great deal of the flesh worked off of them, until they become slightly transparent. Hands that somehow collected a little extra skin and a little mo
re bone. Hands that have been worn soft and smooth and gentle. Hands that have learned how to do everything they want to do. The whole lifespan of womanhood has passed under those hands.
And as I look at these hands in their tiny infant form, I hope that those hands will always be good to others. I hope those hands won't be found in places that they shouldn't be. I want her hands to remain clean and pleasing to her Father in Heaven. I hope they become capable and useful hands. I hope they bring comfort to others and satisfaction to her. I hope that they experience joy in all the things they touch.
Amazing what you can see when you really look.
I just finished this little book and I really enjoyed it. Usually, I just stick the books I read and my comments about them on my Shelfari shelf (off to the right hand side there), but I don't think anyone really ever looks down there.
Anyway, I thought this book was super enjoyable. It walks the line between fiction and non fiction very nicely. It's true-at least as true as things are to children-but as enjoyable to read as fiction. Everything is described in a unique way that often made me smile or laugh. It's clean. It's light. It's amusing.
So this has been a good little read that made nursing more fun for the past few days. See, here's the thing. I spend about 8 hours a day nursing. That's a full time job. And while I nurse, I do one of two things-I read or I watch TV. For 8 hours of the day, my brain is being stimulated by one of those two things. That really makes up a great majority of my current life. So we can either discuss the books I'm reading or we can talk about how apparently contestants on Family Feud don't know "a shade of blue," because one of them answered "jade" and the other one answered "coral." Honestly people.
Today, Ryan said to me,
"I married the dudeliest girl I could find!"
Does it prove that I really am dudely that I took that as the compliment it was intended to be?
Well, baby had her doctor's appointment yesterday. She weighed in at 9 pounds, 6 oz. Back to birth weight. 2 weeks late, but she made it. A week of NOTHING but nursing and round the clock feeding drama produced 5 ounces of weight gain. In some ways, I feel proud of that. And then I stop to think about how measly 5 ounces actually is.
Our Grandma and Grandpa Weed came to visit us for Easter weekend!
As you can tell, Grandpa's first meeting with Leah went famously. They also came packing bucket loads of fun for the boys! They went out to CiCi's pizza-and Grandpa even paid for Nathan to play games there. Something Nathan's cheapskate parents refuse to do. They went to Going Bonkers-a wildly good time for everyone. Grandma and Nathan baked another cake-this time to celebrate Grandpa's birthday (see previous post.) And, they had Easter fun! Entirely planned and sponsored by the grandparents.
An early morning Easter egg hunt
At which hunt, they got a plethora of candy candy candy!
Today, he is... 33 years old! (A point to anyone who can name that movie...)
We had the privilege of being with our Grandpa on his birthday!
Nothing wrong with a little cake and ice cream first thing in the morning when you're still in your jammies...
Ever get tired of reading your kids the same stories over and over again? Sometimes me too. So I tell them to read it to themselves. As a result, Cody has most of his books memorized. The kid loves to read. I think it's SO CUTE! So, maybe if you get tired of reading the same books also, you can just plop your kid in front of the blog and Cody can do the reading. Maybe if kids like to have Cody read to them, I'll do a whole series of Cody reading his favorite books. :)
For those not familiar with this book, it's called Hey, Wake Up! by Sandra Boynton. Here are the actual words:
Hey, Big Guys! Open your eyes! What do you say? It's a brand new day!
Yawn, stretch, touch your toes. Shimmy shimmy shimmy and wiggle your nose!
Shout out loud: Good morning sun! Happy morning, everyone!
Hey Little Guys! Open your Eyes! What do you say? It's a brand new day!
Yawn, stretch, touch your feet. Breakfast time! Come on, let's eat!
Orange juice and cereal, too. Buttered toast and broccoli stew.
Hurry, hurry, go get dressed. Put on the clothes that you like best.
Hey, hey, what do you say? Are you ready? Let's go play!
You're too small for basketball... unless you play with someone tall.
You're too big to use the swings... you should go do big guy things.
Try out the jump rope. Slide down the slide. Are you tired? Come inside.
Morning snack is here for you. Milk and cookies. And broccoli stew. (For the bunny, not for you.)
PS-A note on the breastfeeding. I had to go rent a scale and I weigh her before and after every feeding to see how much she eats. I have to feed her on a super strict 3 hour schedule-not a minute later. Then, after I feed her, I'm supposed to pump. All in all it takes for-ev-er, so I pretty much don't leave the house because I only have like an hour from the time I finish the whole feeding procedure to the time I have to start again. But that's what's happening, and other than being exceedingly time consuming, it's going fine. So. We'll see.
Now. Usually, I try to make sure that my posts are equally interesting for both genders. This one is blatantly about breastfeeding, and if you're a dude and you're not interested, well, we'll see you next time.
Ok. Why is breastfeeding so hard? Why do some of you seem to have a very easy time of it? Ok. Background. So, I had a fine time feeding Nathan. Initial struggles, but after the first week, we seemed to be great. I fed him for 11 months, then we naturally weaned off. Normal. No huge problems. Cody? What a darling baby. What a devil of a breastfeeder. I cried every single day for 4.5 months trying to feed that child. I'd feed and feed and feed and feed and he was NEVER satisfied! I'd put in a 2 hour movie to try and take my mind off the pain and feed him the whole darn time, trying to fill the child up. I'd finish after 2 hours and what would happen? He'd cry because he was hungry. Now, yes, the boy takes after his mommy-we like to eat, but this was pathological! It was terrible! And the pain. The constant pain. I talked to/took him to 7 different breastfeeding "specialists" and got 7 vastly different opinions on what was wrong. I was holding him wrong, I needed to be pumping, he's tongue tied, you've got Raynauds, it's a yeast infection, etc, etc, etc. I remember asking in the hospital-should this hurt like this? "Oh yes, it takes awhile for you to toughen up." 2 weeks later-This still hurts, does that mean there's a problem? "Oh no, not necessarily, it just takes awhile for everyone to get used to it." A month-I'm DYING here! "Oh, well, it looks like you've got blisters, etc. It will hurt until those get a chance to heal." 2 weeks later-"Oh, it hurts because he's tongue tied." A week later, go to the ENT, who conclusively decides that no, he's not tongue tied so go back to the drawing board to try and figure out why it hurts worse than the devil when he eats. 3 months into it-"Oh, NOW you've been training him completely wrong for 3 months, it will take another 3 months for him to get fixed." Everyone told me to do something different, and I think that between all of them, they ruined whatever chance we had of breastfeeding (I think that the final blow was the one who told me that I needed to be pumping exclusively so that I could heal, but me and pumps, we've never gotten along, so I think that after that week of pumping, I had nothing left.) And no one ever conclusively figured out what was wrong. We never fixed the problem.
So, I was quite nervous to be having this baby. Oh, not so much to be HAVING the actual baby, because I've done that fairly successfully 2 times before. No, I was scared to death about breastfeeding. I was worried that I would stumble into the same problems I had with Cody, only I wouldn't know that I was doing it because I don't even know what the problem was! I asked for the lactation lady right away in the hospital, and wouldn't you know? The feeding she watched, she was BLOWN AWAY with how great we did. She was raving and threatening to take me to visit other patients rooms to show them how it was done. She was so excited about how perfect it was, how well she ate, what a super strong suck she had at such a young age, etc etc etc. I left the hospital feeling confident that Cody was some sort of fluke and that I could do it better with this child.
Days passed. (I'm sorry, did I not mention that I was going to rant and rant and rant in this post? Yes, well, it's going to be long. It already is. I'm not done. You can get on out of here if you're bored, but I'm still venting!) Anyway, so days passed... I wanted to make sure I had adequate supply, so I literally set my alarm and woke up every 3 hours in the night and WOKE HER UP even if she wasn't awake yet. Yes. That is the height of insanity. Who wakes up a sleeping baby???!? But I still had nagging doubts. I wasn't sure if she had the right latch. She didn't look as picture perfect as she had in the hospital. There were little tiny things that I thought might be a problem. But every little thing either could be a problem or it might not be. It might mean one thing or it might mean another. Anyone who's ever had breastfeeding troubles knows what I mean. If you're just a breastfeeding champ, then never mind, I can't explain what I mean, but every little thing can be a "sign." Anyway. Ryan thought I was "gripping." Baseball players? Anyone? Essentially, it means that you're over thinking it and if you over think it you can't do it. She was pooping well and sleeping well and seemed content after her feedings, so we figured she must be doing okay.
I tried to get an appointment with my pediatrician for her 2 week check. "Oh, we don't usually see newborns 'till they're a month old." Hm. Okay. Even though the hospital told me to come back and be checked at 2 weeks...? "Ok, fine, if you want her to come in, we can get you in next week"-that being at 3 weeks old.
She had her appointment today. And, I had finally started feeling like, "Ok, sometimes it still hurts, and she still kind of has some things that might be a problem, but she's pooping well, sleeping well and seems content. That's got to mean that everything is okay and I was over worrying what women in China can do naturally."
So we get there, get her weighed and guess what. She hasn't regained her birth weight. Today she weighed in at 9lbs, 1 oz. She should have regained her birth weight by 2 weeks (which we could have CAUGHT EARLIER if I had followed my gut and demanded an appointment last week. NOW, we're just 1 week later in reinforcing whatever bad habits she has or I have that are not working!!)
So, the doctor says that she wants me to feed her every 3 hours on the hour, no matter what (but she said I can still let her sleep longer in the night if she'll do it.) She just thinks I'm not feeding her enough. Oh, I should have said, Leah is a sleepy baby. She'll sleep all day. She routinely goes 4 hours between feedings, and sometimes more. But, like I said, she's pooping enough and seems happy, so I thought that was just her natural schedule and that I ought to consider myself lucky. Ok, so doc says, feed her more often and bring her back next week and we'll see if she's gained weight.
So I went home and called the lactation lady that I talked to earlier on with Leah when I was having those nagging little doubts. She flipped out in the way that only lactation ladies can. Her take on the matter? Leah's not sleepy, she's hibernating. She's not getting enough calories, so her body is shutting down so that it can conserve the calories that it has, so since she sleeps more, she takes in even less calories, and meanwhile, I'm producing less and less milk, so there are less calories for her to be taking in, and on and on and on.
Breastfeeding stinks! I'm sorry Gwen Stefani and Selma Hayek and La Leche League and everyone else who seems to have an easy time of it. I am so frustrated with it! It's hard! It hurts! It's all consuming! And then, you go to all of that work and pain and anxiety and sleeplessness and even THEN they're not getting enough to grow!! How have women been doing this for centuries? Have lactation ladies always been there with a book the size of the Bible to diagnose each and every problem? (Her temple isn't moving, you shouldn't have to stimulate her so much, you're not holding her exactly right, on and on ...) How come women who don't have access to lactation ladies and the internet and a plethora of information about breastfeeding seem to be able to do it and I can't? Can you over-educate yourself? Ugh!
And all of this 
wouldn't matter if I could just let myself say, "AaAaAagh! This is too hard! I can't do it! I've got 2 other kids and a few other things to do, I can't be breastfeeding or worrying about breastfeeding all day, so I'm going to bottle feed." Oh no. I can't just do that. I'd feel an overwhelming sense of guilt that I hadn't tried my 100% best to give my baby the best. (I do believe in breastfeeding, otherwise I really wouldn't be writing this ranting post at all, I'd just be happily mixing some formula in my kitchen.) But even though I do believe in it, don't you think there's a HUGE guilt complex attached to it? If you don't do it, you're pretty selfish because everyone KNOWS it's the best. Even FORMULA companies tell you that breast is best, and that's like smoking companies telling you that they can help you quit. When the company who has the most to gain from you using their product is telling you that you really shouldn't use their product, well. That's quite something. Anyway, the guilt. I tried my DARNDEST with Cody. Couldn't make it work. I tried for 4.5 AGONIZING months. When we finally quit, I knew I'd done my best, and I STILL felt bad. Not only that, but I STILL FEEL BAD ABOUT IT TODAY! When my current lactation lady asks how it went with him, what went wrong, various questions about that, I CRY! I CRY 2 years later because I still feel so crummy about my breastfeeding experience with Cody.
So now I've got all these tricksy little things I'm supposed to do to try and fix the problem with Leah-which as yet, isn't fully diagnosed, could be a few different things-and I'm just overwhelmed and completely and totally and utterly frustrated with breastfeeding.
A few notes on this here baby.
1.) She joined the club. The club of regular people without umbilical cords. Yay! That's one step closer to taking on the world! I mean, really, you can't expect much from a person who's still toting a little dried up raisin in their belly button.
2.) She has the most unoffensive little temperament. Let's hope it continues. She hardly ever cries. The only times that she finds it necessary to cry are when we are purposely keeping her up way past her limit of endurance (so that she'll sleep longer in the night), or when she's right right right about to eat. You know how they get. They go for hours without eating, and then, the moment when the food is about to be placed in the mouth is the moment that they will certainly perish. In their minds anyway. It's like, "I've waited for 4 hours and if I have to wait another 2.5 seconds, I WILL DIE!" And then they cry a heartbroken cry because they can sense that you obviously don't care if they expire. If you did care, you would have gotten the food in there before the 2.5 seconds elapsed.
3.) She loves her brothers and they love her! Her novelty hasn't worn off yet with them, and they still want to hold her all the time.
4.) Fairly often, as she's flailing her hands around, she'll get one hand behind her head, and it's her tendency to grab. So she grabs her own hair and holds on for dear life. Then she starts crying, wondering who would be so heartless and cruel as to pull a wee babe's hair. Poor thing.
5.) She's starting to be able to focus her eyes. And that's another good step towards being a real human.
6.) I'm still a little weirded out changing girl diapers. Way weirder than boy ones.
7.) She's beginning to fit into real clothing, which is exciting. Again, you'd be hard pressed to be a real person just wearing saggy baggy little jammies every day-although, recently, I have tried...
8.) I snagged this a-dorable little outfit at Old Navy for a combined total of $3. Sigh. I know.
Who, other than nursing mothers, is routinely awake in the wee small hours of the morning? I can't think of who it might be, but there must be some very specific special interest groups who are always awake in the 2, 3, and 4 o'clock hours. How do I know this? Because of the television programming.
See, if it were just a big community of droopy eyed nursing moms out there, desperately trying to keep themselves awake while they nurse that newborn for what seems like an eternity, then tv stations would have programming that nursing moms might actually enjoy. Stuff like... What Not To Wear marathons. Or House Hunters. (Ok, those two particular shows are cable fare and we don't actually have cable, so that's just a dream for me, but you know what I mean.)
So instead, I catch up on all of my celebrity sightings with TMZ. And that's important for me. And I'm getting the Crossword Puzzle Gameshow (yeah. That'll keep you awake.) There's plenty of paid advertisements. Seriously. Who is up at 3 in the morning, just wondering how they could look more like Cindy Crawford? (Answer: purchase her skin care line-normally 180 dollars, now for only 29.99, plus shipping and handling!)(or, if you want to look more like Cindy, you could always GO TO SLEEP!) And who's up at 2 wishing that they had a good juicer that will juice up a shoe if you give it the chance? Sometimes I get lucky and catch an episode of Cops. Cops isn't so bad. Especially since every other episode is filmed in Fort Worth. Makes me feel very connected to my environment at 3 in the morning. Then there's Inside Edition. A quality show. But I'm glad to have seen it. Otherwise, how would I know about the "Half Ton Mum" or about the Octomom's secret stripper past? And the Christian Station is always going strong... ("I saw him lift the hand of the Shadow of Death off of my body and I haven't had cancer since!" *so donate now to such and such so that miracles may continue!*)
So, yeah, even though I'm not actually sleeping that much at night, I am getting caught up on some good quality programming, so I guess it's not so bad. :)
PS-And if you happen to be nursing in the 4 o'clock (pm) hour, Judge Judy is a great choice. Nothing better than spending listening to Judy letting people know how smart she is and what complete morons they are in comparison. I enjoy that. :)
