It's A Good Thing, Right?

This envelope can only mean one thing. Kindergarten. Jaxon is going to kindergarten.

He's ready. Oh, boy is he ready. He talks about it on a regular basis. He's reading and writing and adding and loves to learn new things...especially if dinosaur's are involved. He's excited for everything from walking to school to playing soccer at recess (but not about coloring...he can do without coloring). He wants to be with the big kids. He really loves big kids!

Me? Well, I'm excited for him because I know he's going to love it...and I'm sure I will love it, too.

It's going to be good for him...and it will be good for me, too.

So why do I feel excited and anxious and nervous and happy all at the same time? "Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body."

-Elizabeth Stone

I just hope my heart can handle it.

Finding the fun in DysFUNctional

As kids we had a lot of fun in the everyday comings and goings of life. On Sundays it was most common to begin our Sunday dinner with a Jell-o slurping contest. Hands behind backs. Faces at plate level. Ready. Set. SLURP!! It was awesome. And jokes. My dad would tell jokes/stories around the dinner table...not every night, but if he heard a joke at work dinner is where he shared it. Looking back I realize that my parents tried to make things fun. I am not a very fun mom. I never would have believed it 6 years ago. Reality says differently. It was always my intention to be a fun mom. I even have a journal I started in high school with a list of things I was going to do with my kids when I was a mom. Mostly things dealing with holidays...ways to make them fun and exciting. One says "Sprinkle glitter from the windowsill to their bed when the Tooth fairy comes." Oh, that would be magical all right. But after teaching school for six years I have become quite the glitter-hater. Eeck! I shudder at the thought.

I feel like I have cheated my kids out of knowing the fun that can be found in the holidays. Yes, fun even without the glitter. Case in point. Valentine's Day. Do you know what we did for Valentine's Day? Jaxon delivered Valentine's to his friends in his preschool class and to his cousins. No cookies. No special breakfast/lunch/dinner. Not a single decoration honoring the season of love. Not even a Valentine from us to the boys. Am I a Scrooge? I really hate the commercialization of holidays, but seriously, there has to be a way to enjoy the holiday without supporting the propaganda, right?

Following almost every holiday/birthday/event I inevitably feel an overwhelming sense of guilt. A ginormous case of the should've/would've/could'ves. Guilt is an awful thing to have to deal with, and even though Jaxon reassures me that I am indeed a very fun mom, I am hereby making an honest attempt to make the holidays more fun. I will even try to put up a decoration or two...hopefully.

What's next? St. Patrick's Day? Oh you better watch out! This year it is going to be the event of a lifetime... even if the green milk on St. Patrick's Day makes me gag (milk should never be green).

Having Fun

Dad makes the best jungle-gym

Dog-Pile on mom. The boys playing in their tent.

9:41 AM

It's 9:41. I am sitting in a hotel room in Phoenix.

Yesterday Brian and I flew down here so he could attend a conference. We spent yesterday walking around our end of the city. Every thing is the Biltmore-something-or-other. Is that the name of the area? I don't know. But it's very nice. I mean really nice. Nice people. Clean streets (even the gutters...no trash). Fancy cars. The guy who drove us to our hotel said it's one of the safest areas in Phoenix. I believe it. I ceratinly felt safe last night as we walked home from the movie at 9:30. (Extraordinary Measures...pretty good show. Tugs at your heartstrings.)

His conference is being held at The Ritz. I now know why it is called The Ritz.

Ritz = Ritzy

When you walk inside you feel very rich, or in our case, like imposters.We are not staying at The Ritz. Staying there would have taken his entire conference budget.

Brian left me money so I could walk down to the shopping center. Wasn't that sweet? There are 4 malls within 3 blocks...cute little outdoor type malls with lots of fountains. I told Brian a gazillion times yesterday how much I liked it here. I think I could relocate. At least in the winter. It's going to be 70 degrees today! In August I don't think I would like it as much.

The only problem with shopping is that I would have to leave the hotel room. I've decided (not that I didn't know this before) but I am not very brave. How do you do it? How do people go to cities they've never been before, knowing no one, and walk around all alone?

I have Hunger Games and the sequel. I plan on reading today and tomorrow. But eventually I really should get some braverism and walk outside. (Braverism....I love Wicked!)

I should at least walk down to the pool or go get something for lunch.

Until then... I guess I'll try to enjoy the silence, read my book, and eat Twizzlers.

I miss my boys.

I miss their noise.

I miss their company.

I miss their faces.