Better Day

Thanks everyone for all the supportive comments! They mean a lot to me.

Fifteen minutes until dinner (which will hopefully be edible since I am hungry), procrastinating on homework until after I eat... so here I am writing a blog post for all of you! Even though I really don't have much to talk about. My days are apparently fluctuating between good and bad. After my Sunday morning meltdown Sunday afternoon was good, Monday was good, Tuesday was just not a good day! It was stressful and emotional. I still haven't talked to him yet, and I know I need to. For me the worst thing I have realized is that even after all this, I still like him. Almost everything about him. And not just him, but who I was around him. He brought out the best in me. He made me confident and social. He made me want to excel in this industry and do better and learn more. My friends of course keep telling me that I need to learn how to bring these things out in myself. Which I know is true! It's just so hard, after not having any confidence in myself for 19 years. I have been telling myself "You suck, you can't do this, you can't do anything." For 19 years. It's like every time someone told me I could do something, or that I was good at something I seemed to shrug it off and forget that they can see what I can't in myself.

Today was a better day. I expressed the doubt I was feeling about myself being able to do well in this program to a teacher and he told me I was wrong. He told me that I could do not only this program, but that I could do the BA program as well. 'I know it,' he said. The difference this time was... I believed him. I am now considering the BA program. I need to look more into it, but I am definitely considering it! I'm finding my confidence. This has made my day. :)

Update: it's been a long time since I've participated in Wishcasting Wednesday! I found it again through a retweet. So I think I'm gonna wish. Jamie asks us How do you wish to shine?

I wish to shine with confidence all on my own. From the inside out.

Wishcasting, Awards & Finals To Study For

This Wednesday Jamie asks us What do you wish for your body? When I first saw it this morning I had no clue what I would wish, or if I'd even have time to write a post tonight.

Right now I know exactly what I wish. I wish for my body to be strong and able to handle the stress ahead of me, but also able to relax when I have the time to do so.

I woke up with a massive headache that has not gone away. It starts in my neck and goes all the way up. Even worse- my whole body hurts now! I'm sure it has something to do with the stress of having my first two finals tomorrow. Our senior class trip to Boston is on Friday, a nice little break from school if I do say so myself. The rest of my finals are spread across next week, and they don't get much easier. Then there are the graduation practices all next week in the afternoon, a senior NHS members dinner with Mr. Sullivan, class day, and the actual graduation happening on the 20th! I'm looking forward to this being all done with.

Thank you Jamie for giving me the chance to wish for this. Wishcasting is a wonderful way for so many of us to express our wishes, wish for others, and have others wish for us.

Here I was complaining about all these bad things when I did have a good thing to share! Monday night was the Academic Awards ceremony. I received two awards. One in Family and Consumer Science (Home Ec.) and one in Business. Both these teachers know of my plans to own my own restaurant, and both are very supportive. It was touching to hear them say in front of so many people that they have such confidence in my ability to succeed. They each gave me a book. One is the James Beard Cook Book, and the other is called Start Your Own Restaurant and More. The cook book has recipes for things I could never even imagine. The business book is so interesting and a huge comfort to read. It gives me a better idea of what to expect.



Peace for now. I'm going to sit and do nothing for a little while, I'm hoping this helps the headache go away. Then it's dinner and studying for my 1st period final. World Religions. I'm not too worried, but I still have to study. I know my 2nd period Conflict Resolution final is going to be wicked easy, there's nothing to really study for it.

Wishcasting Wednesday

This week's prompt for Wishcasting Wednesday is What do you wish to transform?

Unlike Jamie, who is currently redoing some of her home, I don't have anything I'd like to literally transform. I do, though, have plenty of things in my life to change. I wish to transform grief into happiness, anger into love, and fear into excitement.

Tomorrow is the full moon- and that means Dreamboards! I haven't participated in this for a little while. Tonight I am going to pull out my markers and have fun drawing something for it.

Rant, Update, and Wishing- All in One Post! =D

Last night my parents and my grandparents were at a meeting to hear if we could get a variance to put a mobile home on a piece of property that my grandfather owns. Our would-be-neighbors got up and said that they felt a mobile home next door would devalue their property. WTF?! There’s no house there! They’ve cleared the land to put a house there, their second house in fact. So my parents can’t own one house- but they can own two? We were turned down for the variance. We can’t live on that property. But you know what? It is also zoned for agriculture. I hope they enjoy their new neighbors. They are going to be real pigs compared to what we would have been. =) We’re going to tear down or reuse the structure that is already there (which is a total POS) and have a few pigs, maybe some chickens.

Okay, rant over! We were all just really hoping to get the variance. We wanted to move onto that property and own a home instead of renting. Better ourselves. We’re still going to most likely move soon. The people we’re renting from don’t want to pay to have the roof fixed or do anything to maintain the house. Fingers crossed that we find a nice house to move into!

I’ll be heading to the dentist in a little bit to have some of my cavities taken care of. I hope I’m not in too much pain after. I actually want to go to school this afternoon, so I can go to the movies tonight! ($5.50 for all movie tickets- and you get free popcorn.) Last night I went bowling with some friends. $2 Tuesdays. Shoes for $2 and each game for $2. It was well worth the $6 to go out and have fun. Even if I have fallen behind on getting scholarships filled out, journaling through The Sunflower, or working on my quilt. Yikes! I should work on those.

It is also Wishcasting Wednesday! Jamie asks- what do you wish to change? I wish to find a new wonderful home for my family to live in!

Update- I am back from the dentist! Even though I'm not in pain (in fact, the entire left side of my mouth is numb) I am staying home. My dad said to my sister and I "Either you're bothing going to school or you're both staying home." My sister doesn't want to go. I am not looking forward to playing catch up on my schoolwork, but at least I get to work on all that other stuff while at home. My dad even said I could still go to the movies!

Wishcasting

This Wednesday's Wishcasting prompt is "What help do you wish to receive?"

In my Conflict Resolution class we are reading several books that inspire deep thinking and change. One is our Nonviolent Communication book, and the other is The Sunflower by Simon Wiesenthal. This second book is about the author, a Jew during the Holocaust, being asked for forgiveness by a dying Nazi soldier. He walks away from the dying man and we are asked what we would have done in his place. After this there are responses by almost 50 other people telling what they think. The book is so powerful, and I don't know how our teacher expected a bunch of high school students to be able to fully comprehend it.

I just want some help in sorting out the thoughts and feelings that the book is bringing up in me. I guess that would be the best way to start answering the question the book asks. Right now I am confused, and letting the depressing subject matter get to me. I'll never be able to answer the question if I start feeling depressed every time I try reading the book!

Spring!

Today it was so warm I actually went for a walk. If I had known how much mud there was going to be I would have worn different shoes! I can't complain, though. Mud means Spring is almost here! After how cold and harsh this winter has been, I don't think anyone is going to complain about the mud.

My walk was to the store to buy milk and eggs. I am going to use the entire dozen eggs I just bought tomorrow. I'm making sugar cookies for the V-Day Dance my class is having on Saturday. What a recipe! The original recipe takes 3 sticks of butter and 6 egg yolks. I am doubling it for the dance. I forgot to buy confectioner's sugar (for home made frosting) while I was at the store, so I may have to take another walk. I'll share both the cookie recipe and the frosting recipe tomorrow.

It is Wishcasting Wednesday! Jamie asks us this week- What do you wish for yourself? I could wish for a little more self control. With all the cookies I've been making lately I'll have two new cavities by the time I go back to the dentist! Lol. But no, with V-Day coming up and all, I wish for love. Family, friends, pets, this is where I get my love from. Right now that's enough for me, just as long as it keeps on coming! <3

I was messing around with my camera and kaleidoscope yesterday and I got some awesome looking pictures. Check it out! I'm definitely going to take more.

My Wish

Wednesday is wishcasting with Jamie! My wish this week is to create happiness in my own life and in the lives of others.

Snow Day! I've lost track of how many we've had, but we woke up to white stuff falling out of the sky this morning. It doesn't look like there is an end in sight either! I think everyone is getting cabin fever. I can't wait for February 20th when we leave to go on our first real family vacation. We'll be in Disney World, in Florida, where they call 70 degrees cold!

Let's hope the snow disappears soon, and the 70 degree days come further north. I'm going to have a nice snow day reading, doing homework, taking care of my nails, and pulling out some of that frozen cookie dough.