Pan - 2 months.

These last months sure have gone by fast. Pan is now 2 months and he had his 2 month check up today. And for us this also means he gets the first round of the dreaded shots!... dun dun dun. I think he did great only screamed for a minute or two before calming down. Boy did his face turn red though. It reminded me of a cartoon character when they get mad and starts turning red from the neck up. yep that was him

Pan weighs in at a healthy 12 lbs 12 oz and is 24 inches long. So he is pretty Average all around.  I was looking at Bug's old records and they had the same head size at this age the only difference was .2 of an inch. I love that he is getting so big! he smiles really easily, is super ticklish and has a good memory for when we makes sounds he associates it with something. For example if I make a certain sound and tickle his belly is a different noise/sound then what I do when I touch noses with him. The tickle his belly sound is funny because you can see him flexing when I get close.

So this month Is March and I guess the trend is called Mustache March, Which I had no clue until a few days in. One night Avi and I were being Silly and playing then randomly I thought it would be funny to put a mustache on Pan. Well one turned into another and then eyebrows then I noticed people talking about mustache march... blah blah blah now I have been putting a stache on him almost everyday and taking a photo. I have even gotten as nerdy as researching different types of mustaches so I can get different looks since there are 31 days this month and that is a lot of mustache pictures. So here are a few that I have done this month. All of these have been taken with my phone since it is way easier to do that then find the camera, plus my little point and shoot REALLY sucks.

That's about it! we are enjoying this lovely springesc weather and can't wait for it to stay for good. Although I wouldn't say no to a rainy day every once in a while.

Talking.

I use to talk a ton, and I'm not over exaggerating this either. I couldn't just be left alone to my own devices I would usually seek out conversation whether it was calling my sister or mom which was about 8 gillion times a day or even seeing friends outside and I would go out and chat with them. Now... Eh not so much. Having a 4 year old chatter in your ear non stop every single day is enough to make my head spin, and I'm sure on multiple occasions it has. now I just want SILENCE! is that too much to ask?

This is most likely one of the main reasons why I have been MIA for a while only popping in to say "hey guess what? I'm still alive" yeah for me even the voices in my head have been scared off due to the treats I have instilled in them. As far as an Update, I'm still here. I need a vacation, someone to clean my kitchen so I can bake, and most importantly a facial I think my face would like that. I should probably end this soon since the Voices are getting brave and are trying to make it to the surface with their own thoughts. until next time. (who really knows when that will be)

I am a hermit.

yep, there I said it. I have been a hermit the last little bit. The sad thing is I have a lot of projects in my head that I would like to do and sleep deprivation then takes over and convinces me NAH just go to sleep. I started doing the No sugar diet, which is mainly me cutting out candy, muffins, cookies, cakes and even soda. Which in doing great at with a few hiccups like I totally ate a delicious muffin for mothers day. and a week ago I have some extreme blood sugar level issues so I had to fix that. All in all it has been going great. Now all I need to do is workout more then twice a week and I will be set.!

Little things

It amazes me how weak and out of shape I have gotten just from this years health issues. I really miss running. It was one of my stress relievers and now I'm just in a holding pattern until I get the ok to go run again. Weird thing is I can tell the difference. I know I will need to start from square one since today I walked up the stairs and had a hard time catching my breathe. I have really enjoyed slowing down, it has made me face my impatience head on. I'm sure Bugs has noticed the difference. We do ten times the projects then we used to whether it be baking, artwork, puzzles and even dress up. I have noticed it has helped out with her night terrors. she hasn't been getting them as often and I'm going to make a strong guess as to her route being solid so it helps. A few things I miss since this whole thing has started is taking photos. I'm not talking about full on lets have a tiny photo shoot in my  living kind of photos but the random ones of Bugs smiling or dancing, simple day to day things that make me laugh, even her playing with friends. I mean she had a birthday lunch with family last Saturday and I didn't take one picture. what makes it even sadder is the fact that I didn't even THINK to take pictures. I wonder if my camera has dust on it... I know the other one is missing it's battery for some reason, that is the same one that got lost for months and months and then finally found when Lance and I started painting our bedroom, and I say started because I didn't think we would need more hen one gallon of paint because I wasn't planning on painting all the walls the same color and then I started having all these health issues.
Speaking of health issues Last week I went to the hospital to get a CT scan because I was still in a TON of pain. I wouldn't even know how to explain it to justify how intense it was and still kinda is. I remember one evening sitting twisted on the sofa with a massage mat on my back informing MLH that I would rather go through another Hip Replacement then feel this amount of pain again. Oh the stupid things we say when in pain. Turns out that ( and this is a little gross) During this whole ordeal I had lost just over 1.5 liters of blood. During surgery they need to suction that out and obviously they aren't going to be able to get every single little drop of blood so this wonderfully awesome pain it what the doctor described as my blood going through an "internal gutter" and is trying to re-absorb back into its proper place. Well that's that, due to all the pain meds I have been getting Every time I go to pick up pain pills or something else I feel like the pharmacist is judging me. I just want to look at them and say I'm not a drug addict I promise. I really would like to try and get some photos of Bug since she did turn 4 Last Monday I'm hoping the weather will be nice and that she will want to do it.

back to work

going back to work this week feels like a HUGE mistake, I really should have recovered one more week. I'm slow, I hurt and I just don't have the mind frame for working right now. I am hoping to get some much needed sleep this weekend and possible repair some damage the I have done. Let me just say popping stiches is sooooo not fun.

feeling great!

I must have some super powers if I can feel this good only a week after what happened. Don;t get me wrong I still have some pains and I get weak a lot easier then I did but that can all be changed so I'm not worried. Friday was the first day I was able to stand up straight, my lower back muscles are sighing with relief because of it to. Bug has been a wonderful help the last few days when I head upstairs she asks if I need help and holds my hand while repeating, "it's ok, just take it slow." then followed by "I helped you just like Daddy, I'm BIG."

I go back to work Tuesday, I know I will be slower at first but I'm happy to go back being in the house 24/7 7 days a week was driving me bonkers. I convinced MLH on Saturday that we needed an outting. so we went to Walmart.. WOOHOO.. I was so tired by the end of our little trip that I zonked out. It still amazes me how sleep helps so much with the healing process. I am going to be sad when I go back to being sleep deprived. ;)
We that's it for an update.  

A night to remember- My ER story

I can't sleep, I've been awake for the last 2 hours replaying images from what happen on Sunday. Weird I know. I figured since I was awake I might as well write down what my experience was and what I was thinking through the whole process. So here goes:

This whole thing didn't start out of the blue, It actually started On Jan 10th. I know weird right that I can remember the exact date. That was the day that I ended up in the InstaCare with severe abdominal pain I woke up to use the restroom around 7am and buckled over. Thinking that it was just cramps I ran myself a hot bath hoping that it would relax the muscles enough for me to go to sleep. But when it didn't I got out of the tub and ended up crawling into MLH and my bedroom laying in the fetal position waiting for MLH alarm to go off so I could tell him I wasn't doing so great. he gets me some clothes, wakes up Bug gets her ready and we are in InstaCare waiting our turn. My turn comes they rule out things like Bladder infections, Appendix issues.. blah blah blah. and then they ask for me to run an ultrasound and I call my OB and they want me to have blood drawn. Turns out I'm pregnant,,, YEAH! but something just doesn't seem right, So I try not to get excited. Within a few weeks time I have gone to the AF hospital Lab many many times to have my blood work done. I've become friends with the ladies at the desk along with anyone else who recognizes me. My HCG levels go up then down My nurse informs me that I will have a miscarriage which makes me sad but I kinda felt it was going to happen since this whole thing just didn't seem right. I go through the normal Miscarriage things and after a few weeks I still notice there is a pain on my left side. I inform my nurse and she lets me know it is common to have after pains so I think nothing of it. A week goes by I let her know again but this time it feels like cramping and it pretty even spread through my lower regions. again I get the it's a common issues. they still monitor my blood count which is going down by the hundreds each week now.     
Saturday Feb 11: Day started out normal enough, Bug and I went gift shopping for my nieces birthday party that afternoon. Went to the party was going to come home and nap but decided since the day was so beautiful I would try and get a Run in. MLH teases me about kissing him before I leave and he says you never know what might happen. I run Just over 2 miles because I"m in some pain,thinking that it was one of my ribs out since the pain was so high. Time to go to a birthday Dinner for Both MLH and my brother in law D. On the way to dinner I casually Ask MLH if something were to happen to me what would you do and what hospital would you go to.(random question I know) his reply was to get me into he car ASAP and turn on his hazard light and fly to the R Hospital while calling 911. I replied Oh I would have thought you would go to the AF one instead. and we just left it at that.
Dinner was great we enjoyed visiting Family and eating yummy food, then it is time to leave. We get home Bug wants to watch a movie in my bed and when she asks me to snuggle with her I don't refuse. It had been a long day and before I know it I'm asleep.
1:30am I wake up to use the restroom and I actually don't remember if I did or not because the next thoughts that cross my mind are, wow this pillow is really uncomfortable and as I come to I realize that my head it resting on our bathroom trash can and my body is wedged between the toilet and the wall. Confused I sit up and end up crawling into the closet I noticed my lip was bleeding which didn't surprise me since they were really dry to begin with, no amount of chapstick was able to help that out.  As I'm lying there taking in all the pain one thought crosses my mind, I need MLH. I was going to call out just as the pain lessened and I hear footsteps coming up the stairs. MLH:"Babe, where are you"
ME:"I'm in the closet"
MLH: "What happen?"
ME: "so much pain"
I'm guessing he noticed the trashcan at this moment and then gave me a better look he told me my head was bleeding and then went into EMT mode and started asking questions, the one that keeps sticking in my mind is, stay with me.
I would answer his questions and then tell him I was tired and that it hurt.
he asked if we should go to the ER and I said yes. He proceeded to run around finding clothes for himself, me and also Bug. poor little girl I heard her say " I don't wanna go bye bye I'm so tired" as MLH got her dressed.
Now you have to keep in mind this is MY account of what happened I know MLH with have a different version which I'm hoping he will write down one day.
Dress and ready MLH helps me down the stairs, My arms and legs feel heavy I'm so tired I make it to the bottom of the stairs, MLH props me up on a wall and says can you stand there. I think to myself, psh I can stand here just fine. and then I am looking up at MLH face him asking me questions again and me all of a sudden has a burst of energy and says lets go. hops up (with help) and starts for the garage stairs. (there were so many thoughts running through my head while I was standing there . Like, MLH, Bug has shoes upstairs next to her bedroom I just couldn't get the words out.
In the car, still really tired can't focus on anything MLH asks more questions, gets in calls 911 and starts heading out of our place. Don't really know how the convo went other then pieces that MLH told me. But we ended up in the Smiths parking lot and me thinking, this isn't the hospital. I see a cop car, a yellow fire truck MLH keeps asking questions, like what day it is whats my name, whats my daughters name. then the Ambulance shows up gets me on the gurney plops me in the ambulance where they start another questionnaire. I tell them they are being mean for not letting me sleep. and then I swear really loud when they drive over bumps. I proceed to apologize for my swearing and they laugh saying they wont tell anyone. The EMT on my Right tells the other EMT that I am so cold they can find my veins. They finally do and start an IV with Saline. We arrive at the hospital. I am happy because no one is asking me questions and I can close my eyes. More questions, MLH informed me he called my parents and his parents and that his parents are on the way. ( I think good. that way Bug can get some sleep) Lots more questions, I guess my speech is starting to slur since MLH keeps answering. They do a ton of blood work, I get an Ultrasound done, the ultrasound tech turns out to be someone I know from my home town which makes me feel loads better. During the ultrasound there is light laughing a joking, a lot of clicking. Me telling him that I"m pretty sure the morphine I got was a placebo since it doesn't seem to be working. Then for the second half of the ultrasound they asked if I could possibly get up to empty my bladder I though yea I feel fine, made it maybe 3 steps away from the bed and passed out headbutting the Tech in the process. (sorry)
Then Back in the room, the Dr comes in says I have massive internal bleeding and that they need to do surgery right now along with this being an Ectopic pregnancy and they have never seen one like this before since my levels were going down. it was as if my body didn't process it. on the way to the OR I inform the Nurse that my stomach feels like a balloon about to pop and that's the last thing I remember.
I wake up to MLH face looking over me.
ME: I almost died huh
MLH: Yeah, you lost a lot of blood. they had to give you some. they also had to remove your left tube
Me: OH
MLH: You will still be able to have kids
ME: (laugh) I know, I'm living proof of that.

That's about it I ended up spending that night and all of Monday in the hospital they had to give me a total of 2 units of blood for as much as I lost. I am grateful that MLH had enough of a prompting to come and find me when he did or who knows what may have happen.


*disclaimer, I didn't re-read this. I'm sure some words are used in the wrong order but I'm ok with that. I'll have MLH proof it later so I don't have to start crying again.  

blogging...

ill be back in a few days, I have quite a bit to blog about i just haven't wanted to sit in front of the computer. Bugs and I have too much fun running around the house. =)


see ya later

on vacation

Which really means Husband and I aren't working for the week and i am also scheduling about 8 gillion doctors appts and the dentist and whatever else I can in the week.

sorry husband.. =(

maybe we will do something fun on friday.

what's been going on?

I'll tell ya whats been going on... Well I don't really know. You see I have been sleeping a lot and I can't quite recall some of the details. I know that my child is still running around and having playdates which is a good thing. And also mean s I have the most AMAZING neighbor EVER. Bug is so lucky to have her best friend right next door and even luckier that Loo's mom will let her play pretty much every day.

As for Husband, what can I say he works, he plays, he sleeps and he watches hulu.. and I'm pretty sure that's it the correct order.

I'm still lame, in the sense that I am still in recovery mode for my ankles. Well, mostly the left one, it's still special. But it's healing. Sadly I had to back out of the dirty dash.. missing 3 plus weeks of training on top of not knowing if I will be fully healed in time doesn't make for a happy me or a happy team. I'm hoping to get my butt back into gear when this foot gets better and start training for the half marathon. (glutton for punishment, I think so.)  I am really enjoying my job. My hours are an interesting thing to get use to considering that I start at 11pm and work until 7am. One downside is that I REALLY and I mean REALLY miss my bed. I've been sleeping on the couch quite a bit so I can hear Bug when she wakes up and make her breakfast and then snooze for a bit while she's playing. she's been super cute and when she sees that I have fallen asleep she will tuck the blanket under my chin, pat my head, gives me kiss and then say "sssshhh, nigh night mommy."  Gotta love that girl she is very sweet.

And If you are wondering how I keep up on house work the answer is simply... I don't. I have a calendar that marks which tasks I need to do on what days. (ie. monday - change sheets, tuesday downstairs bathroom, wednesday - scrub kitchen)  Today was the first real day that I actually followed it. and that wasn't because I didn't want to. Like I said before I was a sleep A LOT. that was due to the meds that my neurologist gave me to ward off migraines and to help me sleep... oh it helped me sleep alright just a little TOO well.  upside to that was I was always well rested and super happy all the time. I stopped taking it a few days ago and Husband came home yesterday and said
~ " um, are you ok because you aren't talkative and you have been giving me one word answers all day." "the house looks nice though" (I added that last line because I'm sure he meant to say it.)
~my reply while getting ready for work. well you can either have a happy wife and a messy house or a meh wife and a clean house... your choice.
~He looks a t me like, um are those my only options?  yep take it or leave it.

Well on that note I have totally lost my train of thought. Oh well. that sure happens quite frequently.

I'm Grateful...

August has been to say the least an interesting month. However, before I give a run down of this oh so lovely month the beginning of this little adventure actually started in June.

June (now do those weird flashes back squiggles with you hands)

Ah yes, Husband and I are fairly healthy people. with the exception of my hip replacement 4 years ago along with having a child we don't normally get sick enough to go to the doctor. And in Husbands cause hurt badly enough to go. I swear that man drink immunity with breakfast cuz he hardly EVER gets sick. But when he does. watch out! WHINE CENTER  (Husband just don't read that last line)

Now I'm sure you want to hear the list of my illnesses, well sorry to disappoint I only had one and it was of the cursed name called Streptococcus, yea my thoughts exactly Eww!  Like the stubborn person I am I didn't go to the doctor until 2 weeks after I first noticed it. And no I didn't pass it on to anyone (remember Husband has immunity like a freakin Greek god.)  So like a good little patient I took all of my wonderful medicine and was cured, that is until it reared it ugly freaking head again and decided to come back the day BEFORE I left to go to California, ... true story I wouldn't lie.  Silly me didn't think to throw that stupid germ infested toothbrush away... and I'm sorry for that thought once again I will say Eww for us all. Now I'm all better!! yeah, I very well should be considering it is August.

Now we come to Mister high and mighty, Mister hey you get off of my cloud (and if you know what that's from I will hug you, not really) He jams his middle finger on his right hand while playing softball and doesn't get it looked at UNTIL AFTER I get back from California. This is where the August Awesomeness starts. Well sorta I'm just gunna make it start here that way I can say "see it's your fault." One doctors visit and an MRI later we come to find out he has a class 3 sprain or something like that with means he torn a ligament in half 'DOH' way to go Homer (which is funny in two ways, Doh as in the Simpsons and also the poet Homer wrote about greek gods.. it's either way to late for me to write this or I think I'm hilarious, which is most likely the later of the two.)

We are hoping he is healing properly and he is extremely lucky that he didn't need surgery. The smart guy that he is after dislocating it he popped it back in and the Doc said that that was one of the smartest things he could have done. the other one would have been to go and see a doctor after a week of pain. ;)

As for all of my loveliness, I get chronic headaches, I'm pretty sure I have had them since maybe 14 or even younger, you don't really notice after a while they all kinda blur together. My turn for the doctor, yea I told him everything I knew about how I get headaches and when they come on an he literally just stared a me and said " well thanks for your 25 dollars but there is nothing I can do for you, you need to go see a Neurologist."  Um.. awesome.  In the mean time, I'm pretty sure I did something to my ankles, and I mean ankles.. both, I'm that talented. I've been training in my lovely new shoes and then did one lame p90x video and separated my ankles, I'll know more about that on Thursday   So this is how my week went, Today which is Tuesday Neurologist, I swear he is the most soft spoken Doctor EVER, I think that has something to do with working with migraine sufferers and doesn't want to add to there pain. Turns out I get both migraines AND tension headaches, And people thought I was a slacker HA! When I go out for something I go ALL out.  Blah blah blah... Ankles on Thursday and then a super fun brain scan/MRI on Friday!

Now I'm sure if you have stomached enough of this to wonder to yourself, wow she's whiny. my answer is yes, yes I am. the other thing is this is why I'm grateful. Approx 3 weeks ago I was driving on the interstate and was also talking to Husband "babe, I need a job, huh I wonder if that place is hiring." I don't speak in complete sentences it more or less random thoughts followed by run on sentences. Anyway , I Look the number up call and they said yes but it's only for this _________ position. Perfect! I"ll take it. I go in fill out an app get and interview and with in one day I am hired. Pretty awesome if you ask me. why pretty awesome? well because I know that there are medical bills coming (I knew about my neurologist apt before I got the job and also Husbands finger) and even though Husband got a super fantastic promotion I wanted to not feel bad about the extra expense even though he started it.   Now to be grateful Go:

 I'm grateful I followed a prompting to get this job, I'm grateful for insurance because with out it I would have just told husband to deal with it along with me still dealing with my migraines and now newly craptastic ankles. I'm grateful for a husband that will actually support me even though he'll whine about it. :) I'm grateful for modern medicines and also technology that can see right through me and detect a problem... And the most important thing I am grateful for is that it's Me and Husband that this is happening to and not Bug.

my return.

It's amazing how a house full of sick people just lounging on the couch can still manage to destroy the ENTIRE HOUSE!

Lance has weird Eye Issues, I got bit by Reno ended up at InstaCare, Avi Gets a Weird Flu then I get it and everyday In between We have Dance, Playgroup and to top it off my Computer Mouse died so I wasn't able to get any work done this weekend until I got a new one. But On the plus side we are now all healthy. I got to take photos of the cutest little newborn boy Monday and I am determined to get the house cleaned before this weekend so I can relax without thinking about it.
 

This was the Day after she had gotten sick and stayed up with me until 4am! so sweet when she's sleeping.  

The Night before it snowed so Bug and I played in it Well really Bug Played in it While I shoveled the driveway. I couldn't believe how bright it was out there. we were only in it for about 30 mins but we started to get snow blind. Bug walked into the house afterwards and said "Hey, why are the lights pink"

I can't tell I"m not really chatty today so I am going to end this before it gets even more dumb. 

Also Now that we are all healthy I will be doing he Photo A Day again. YIPPEE!!

  

Lamest injury EVER

I had mentioned that I got bit by the cat (Reno) in the post before this. Well that bite as small as it seemed did some damage and i ended up in the instacare with and I quote " that's an extremely bad infection", followed by "if you don't feel good tomorrow you might as well go to the emergency room" um thanks doc.

So other then me not being able to flex or move my finger along with it looking as if I am constantly pointing at people. I am doing good 

A bug and a bean....

After getting back to reality and a semi clean house I am in the process of getting everything organized and a little above semi cleaned.
I am so excited about November! not only am I doing Family photo sessions I have a lot of cute little kids mixed in there with a few seniors. BUT aside from that I am in the process of cleaning out my office *GASP* and redecorating it so it is more functional for both photos and also filling those annoying bills.

My favorite thing this month will be going on a much needed family vacation. Oh sure I travel a lot but poor husband gets left behind and this time he actually gets to go!

that is all I got tired of writing so I will just say  good bye

Here I am...

I have been in California since the 16th I haven't been blogging much However:

I will be back in blogging mode on Wednesday. I have so many cute little things to share! I will have done 11 photo sessions and 4 mini ones, been to a class reunion in TAFT (I know right, but it was really fun) and also made a Halloween Costume for a certain cute 2 year old.

I was gunna leave a picture but I realized that my parents  computer doesn't have a RAW REader so that was a total waste of time. =)

see you all soon!!!

 it took 15 mins of downloading but I actually got a photo up on the blog from my moms computer. 

week in review

I am in the process of finishing not 1 but 3 different refashions for Thursday's deadline.. it's a nail biter< but i am having fun coming up with different ideas. Next thing to tackle will be the dress design for the Shabby Apple Dare to design which dealine is Oct 15th. Although only a drawing is requiring I think I might make one of the designs because it just doesn't look good on paper and I think it will look better sewn together.
The weather has been beautiful so I have been taking advantage of it. Going to parks, playing outside, talking walks. it has been wonderful. the ohter that I was telling Husband that I wish it would get cold already so I can start weraing my swetares and also start complaining about how I wish it were warm.

30 Days of Organinz...blah blah blah

Yeah so this Idea TOTALLY BOMBED I mean BIG TIME!!!... I guess that's what happens when I try and do everything at once. Once I started the organizing I also started adding more photo sessions to my work load there were a couple of weeks that I had 4 or 5 in the week and then the editing on top of that.. plus I had a 2 year old potty training (I know cry me a river right, but who do you think I am Wonder Women!)

So enough of my excuses. I can just saw this: I will EVENTUALLY get my house organized. I will EVENTUALLY start sewing, cooking, working-out and breathing again and I also will EVENTUALLY turn into Martha Stewart... (maybe not that last one) 

My big this is that At least I am still working towards a goal that I have set and since I am so completely stubborn I won't let up until I finish it.. I can just hear my husbands voice in my head laughing. (I hardly finish anything)

I have used way to many parentheses in this post and they have most likely been grammatically abused..

Forgetfulness...

Would define me right now.
So for a quick update:
Organizing - has been going slow but I am actually getting a routine down. It's about time!
Sewing/Craft Projects - I have actually been making time to sew more. in the process of making a blanket for Bugs bed. almost finished too
Baking - since the summer is coming to an end I am really wanting to bake more so every Sunday I plan on making a new delicious goodie..
Photography - Sessions are booking and I am keeping busy with editing.

Looks like things are going a lot better then I thought they might have been.

Catch Up

Once I catch up on this:

then I will be back into blogging more. I have lots of fun things to post. Sadly no Easter pics, Poor Bug didn't get to egg hunt or dye eggs she did however get to eat candy and play with her other Easter gifts so I guess that will do for now. But until then I will be catching some ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ's

News...

Well Avi, My mom and I made it safely back to California. The first part of the drive really didn't seem bad and it went by rather quickly. the next day though seemed twice as hard and really boring. Luckily I have the best daughter who takes traveling like a champ and she didn't even have a TV to entertain her!! I know crazy right? So we are here trying to get everything settled and also missing Lance like crazy. I never realized how much he kept me warm at night =)

Avi and I have a lot of plans coming up in the next few days which with both be exciting and tiring at the same time. so I will update and tell when and if they happen!