I really need a penis.

Ok, I have a problem, and I know the first step to overcoming a problem is to admit you have a problem so we can just count this as the first step to a healthier me right?

Wait what's my problem?

Oh yeah, sorry,  I have acute incurable penis envy.  There I said it, now somebody pass me a fucking doughnut and some OJ after the "hi's and welcomes" calm down.

I don't think I ever went through the entire "denial phase".   I have always loved penis, despite the fact they are possibly the most hilarious looking part of a human body and hang around with nuts I love them.

Everyone I have ever been madly in love with had a penis.

Short of having one of my own  the penis is pretty much perfect.  It's like a thermometer only it rises in the occasion of attraction instead of temperature.  The rest of the time it just hangs there, all awesome and hilarious.  I have to give credit to the penis for being involved in the creation of all 3 of my children.  Yeah it's obviously remarkable.

However I also have to admit that my reason for penis envy is indeed for 1 solitary reason.
Just one, out of all the wonderful things a penis allows you to do.
Pee in the snow,  write your name, miss the toilet,  be embarrassed in middle school by random wood, hide behind pleated dockers, and drive a chicks head into the wall.  Yeah those are all great, but I really am envious of 1 and only 1 thing.  Me and Demi Moore share our envy issues.

I WISH I HAD A PENIS SO  I COULD TELL PEOPLE TO SUCK IT.

literally that's it.  I mean sure I would love to just bend over the numbnuts in the medical field and ram them with a hefty member but honestly I think I would feel just as satisfied as if I could stone face look at them and say,

"suck my dick"

If I had a dick I would probably go ahead and trade 5000 words out of my lexicon just to be able to stone faced look at someone and say, "suck my dick"  and then offer up a dick.

This is probably one of the many reasons I don't have a dick, because whoever was in charge of passing out penis, said, " oh hell no,  this is a bitch, no dick for her, she will have everyone sucking it".  They were right.

Examples from just today-

New Brain Surgeon-  blahdy blah blah, blah shit you have heard for 10 years, blah blah shit you have heard, blah, shit that is irrelevant, blah,  anyone could die anytime, you could get hit by a bus leaving here, blah blah blah.
Me-  "oh I see,  well in that case,  SUCK MY DICK"


Post office worker-  uhm no, you have to buy another box, they are over there were you stood in line for 20 minutes, no I am  not going to help you even though you asked, yes I realize I am sitting on a fucking stool watching TV but I will sell you a stamp for you to stick on your letter then tell you to put it in a slot in the wall that leads to a basket under my hand but I wont do it for you.

Me-" Oh ok, sorry to bother you by actually parking the car and staggering in then waiting in line 3 times because you couldn't get your fat ass off the stool to actually do your job, or mailing a letter, so instead of getting back in line can you go ahead and just SUCK MY DICK?"


Neurologist- You didn't have a seizure during the 30 minute eeg, but that doesn't mean you don't have them so you officially can't drive for a full year starting today.  Oh and here's some medicine that will make you feel like I punched you in the vagina.
Me- " So I don't have seizures? or I do? or what?  never mind just go ahead and SUCK MY DICK."


Lady at the refill pharmacy-  no that rx is expired, no that one can't be renewed until tomorrow, these 5 are a week late refilling, and this one you need to come back in 6 days to get.
Me- " oh well they just told me I am not allowed to drive anymore for an entire year and I live pretty far away from here, so if you could fill anything that needs to be filled for the next 2 weeks that would be awesome and save me from going without my medicines as prescribed, since I can't drive and all.
Bitch / Lady-  NO
ME- "OH OK, HOW ABOUT YOU JUST SUCK MY DICK THEN"


French Neurosurgeon-   bladee, blah voila, tres blah,  cava , blah,  uh duh twa, blah,  I am so good looking and french I will distract you with my laid back attitude and frenchness. blah,
Me- "  Je parle en frances,  poir fe vour  SUCK MY DICK"


Gas Pump-  $3.39
ME-  "SUCK MY DICK"

Dog hair on the floor -   no need to sweep just scream
ME- "SUCK MY DICK"

Dinner?  Family?  what ?  I got nothing...
ME- " SUCK MY DICK"

Laundry?
ME- "SUCK MY DICK"


I should just get white business cards with the words, " SUCK MY DICK"  on them, nothing else, just pass them out to everyone I meet thus cutting straight to the chase.

Honestly I really believe I could live remainder of my entire life just using those 3 words,  if of course, I actually had a dick,  until then,  it's an empty threat.  ( ha, no penis? empty? get it? ha?  shit I am funny right?  no?  well then to you I say,  " SUCK MY DICK")


XO
PEACH OUT

Here's the story of a bitchy lady...

For 3 days I have been looking forward to a 2 hour session of what is equal to me slamming my head in a car door non stop while be hit with a baseball bat in the neck and back.

I haven't slept,  I try not to be a big puss,  I have had 3 kids, c-sections, gallbladder, a hernia and 2 heart attacks. I have grandmall seizures.  I also recently found out that I have probably been having 8 to 10 mini seizures daily for a very long time.   I was told for years they were migraines.  I have gone deaf, gone blind, passed out, curled up, unknowingly wet/soiled myself.  I got days/weeks unable to use my left hand at all, or the biceps on both arms.  When I get tired my leg drags, and I can't lift anything more than 2 or 3 lbs. 

If I yawn, sneeze, cough, have a bm, laugh, scream or god forbid have the "big O"  I usually go deaf for a little while but sometimes I am lucky enough to just get tunnel vision or go blind in 1 eye.

I have been hauled out of jobs on a stretcher and shoved in the back of more than 1 ambulance.  

For 5 years the military had MRI and radiology reports stating my medical condition, however the military spent those 5 years telling me I had migraines.  No offense to migraine sufferers but,  " I fucking wish".  

I don't talk about my medical issues on line, this is my one escape, but you know what.  Today I encountered what can only be described as a troll.  You know the ones that float around on blogs laying their opinions down, insulting the bloggers and readers all behind their infamous cover of "anonymous".  

Well last week from no where I get a call from Ms BEAST.  I was minding my own business posting jokes and tweeting with you sexy people, when I got the call out of the blue.  Ms BEAST,  wasted no time tearing into me.  Questioning the fact  a Doctor gave me 1 Valium  7 months ago for a 6 hour MRI that involved my brain, cervical, and entire spine, with and without contrast and a C.I.N.E. flow MRI study to measure my  CSF fluid to my brain and any corking issues I have.   

I was pretty baffled.  I can't lay flat.  That's been a fact for years.  It increases the pressure in my head, and causes what is best described as sciatica pains in my back and legs,  for bonus my arms go to sleep.  So I don't lay down, I also don't sleep very well.  So for a 6 hour MRI study to me it made perfect sense that someone broke military protocol and issued me more than a band aid and ibuprofen. To her it was  a " red flag".  

So much of a red flag she requested all my medical records and found out that when I had oral surgery last year, the Dentist gave me 6 loratab.   Six.  oral surgery.  Dentist.

OBVIOUSLY this caused the beast to call me at home, never having met me to question me about this medical activity.  Because I have been on ibuprofen, b12 and prenatal vitamins for years to help with all my problems because we know those are awesome meds..  7 years.  7 years. I have been in pain.

If you have had an epidural or spinal tap then you might have been unfortunate enough to experience a "spinal headache"  if so, this is my world, 24/7.  Then thrown in drop attacks, passing out, loss of use of limbs, the bathroom stuff and what is my most embarrassing medical issue.  The loss of words, the inability to place the proper word in a sentence, to not complete a thought.   I had an ER doctor once ask my husband how drunk I was and how often it happened.  HA I seriously wish.

Anyway Ms Beast caught me off guard and it hurt my feelings. I realize I should not allow someone I have never met who doesn't know crap about me or my problems.   Like I explained to the Droid, if I had spent the last 7 years stoned to the bone, doped to the gills, and not trying to "tough it out" and "meditate" and do "mind over body"  then maybe it wouldn't have shocked me so much.  She tore me apart and I let her.  My guard was down, I didn't expect it and she was firm and on the attack.  I was left crushed.

So today I had another MRI,  another lay still on your back, another here's some loud noise, in an enclosed space, while you are in pain and don't move moment.  I think I have had around 15 or more MRI's by now. It's seems like I would get used to them.  However since the big seizure 2 weeks ago, I am slightly on edge, and of course the Dr's have not put me on any seizure medication nor ordered any tests for it.  This MRI was ordered 2 months ago because I couldn't lift my arms, which I can of course lift now so the MRI is pointless.

I thought maybe I had somehow offended Ms Beast.  So I printed letters from 3 wonderful Brain Surgeons that my insurance told me I could never see because I am not a priority.  I  printed a copy of each letter I have written to the Doctors and my insurance since 2005 ( which is about 2 a year).  The entire step by step medical history and progression of my disease, and in turn the step by step documentation of every single Doctor  not doing a fucking thing.

After my BRrrrrr, Grrr, tick tick BANG bang,  MRI.  My head exploding, barely able to walk up right and hoping not to sound like an idiot  I marched around a 5 story building with 6 wings to find the lady who had called me.  I found her.  Ms BEAST.

She wouldn't answer her phone for the secretary and they had to get the person in the office next to her to physically walk in and let her know she had someone waiting to see her for over and hour.

I was overly polite, I wanted to set things straight with Ms Beast and let her know the person behind the paperwork, behind her #'s.  She proceeded to bring up my medication and point out that I take ibropfin, and imodium,  obviously being prescribed those things are a HUGE freaking deal, and I am a bad person.  After 30 minutes of lecture about how she could see every pill I have ever been given in my entire life and her statement that I had acetaminophen ( tylenol) prescribed last year.  I felt as if I were a criminal. A horrible person, and I started to cry.   

Quietly.  I didn't make a noise, but I couldn't stop the tears from rolling down my cheeks when I spoke to her.  I kept trying to hand her the letters from the brain surgeons, neurologist, and spine surgeons.  She didn't care.  The BEAST hated me before she had ever met me, and formed her opinion of me,  yet I still can't figure out why.

Around 45 minutes in, I looked at her and asked, " why am I explaining or defending myself to you?"  I have been failed by the military, the government, 12 doctors, and Tricare.  I was lied to for 4 years, then ignored the last 3.   YOU are part of the system that has failed me.  That has made my 10 year old know nothing but a sick mother.  YOU are part of the system that has let my disorder progress to the point my life is in danger.  You are part of the system that told me I wasn't worth saving.  I came in to give you the opportunity to be enlightened, to learn of my disorder and to meet me even though you attacked me.

For the next hour,  she said to me 5 times.  FIVE TIMES.  That I needed to ask her to help me.  That she didn't have to.  That I needed to be nice or she wouldn't help me.  She wouldn't literally make me say, " Please help me get medical care for my disability"  Five times.

So there it is. It's out,  I am fucked up.  My brain is herniated out of my skull, my spine is jacked like a freaking janga game.  If you search either of my blogs or my facebook  and find a reference to "seeing a wizard"  or "the wizard of oz"   that is me being vague about my going to neurosurgeons.   I am like the Scarecrow looking for the Wizard.  Only I have enough already, possibly too much.  

My only saving grace is not too many people read this blog, it's my "secondary".  blog.  I had to vent.  I am disgusted with myself.  I have had only 2 things to cling to for the 7 years to help me get through. 

1)  I love my children so much I can't check out, no matter how much pain, embarassment and struggle I go through I have to survive,  Sam I am maybe 22, but the Prince is only 10.  I can't leave yet.  I have to win.

and

2) I am a tough bitch,  I am a solver, and my main mantra,  "no one has ever died from pain".    

I'm right, you don't die from pain, you pass out first,  sometimes you just vomit. I usually do both at least once a day, but I don't die.   Because of #1 and #2.  

Fuck you pain.  You can't fake what I have, it appears clearly on MRI's and even a dork who doesn't know shit about anatomy can see it.  Over the last 7 years I have asked several doctors if maybe I needed mental help, they all said no, I was fine, in fact better than fine, a role model or poster child on how to overcome chronic illness and pain.  

People who do know the complete story ask how can I post jokes, be funny, and act like nothing is wrong.  I can't hold anger.  I would be angry if this was a child., and lots of children have this.  So I   am grateful, my children are healthy.   I'm a grown up, with big girl panties I slip on every day to battle this shit.  But the BEAST wore me down, insulting me, questioning my integrity and then making me do what felt like begging 5 times.   I left feeling defeated and wondered why I thought someone like that just needed to meet me to understand.

The BEAST pointed out she had 25 years experience as a nurse, and that, she was a specialty nurse, called a case manager, and she could make things happen.

I wont let this woman do this to me again,  I am disappointed in myself for allowing it, I would have drop kicked a bitch if she spoke like that about my child or husband, but when it's me, when I am the patient, I instantly become the little girl who is in trouble, or didn't "deserve" new clothes for school,   an adult version the child I was,  unhappy, unwanted, and unworthy.   Did she channel my dead grandmother, who told stories of how the leather belts didn't compare to the razor straps, and how I ruined my poor mothers life because she married a " southern man and produced me".   

I'm home now, and I logged into this little hide away blog and I am unloading with both barrels, because I have to.  I have to make a commitment to not allow anyone to treat me like shit. EVER.  The best commitment I can come up with, is to promise it here.   I can look back and remember how I felt, and if anyone else is feeling like this, I am so sorry.  

In summation,  I totally hope a freaking acme safe does not fall directly on the head of Ms Beast.  

There I feel better.

xo

PEACH OUT

* disclaimer-  1 Peach was injured in the making of this post. *

I got some action yesterday

Yesterday I was sitting there reading this magazine article minding my own business and this hot guy walks in and sits down, we were alone in a tiny room.

He was hot.

I could tell he liked me, he barely made eye contact with me, but he struck up this intimate conversation, he wanted to know everything about me, and had a witty way about him, before you knew it I had put down my magazine. I spilled my guts and the conversation got very personal very quick.

Don't get me wrong I am happily married to the Droid and I don't go running around hap hazzardly flinging myself on men, it's  hard to contain this level of hotness on a daily basis but I do my best.  This guy was just so damn smooth.

Next thing I knew there he was looking me dead in the eyes, holding my hand, inches from my face. Can you say "awkward?"   

It didn't go any further than that.  However I did give him my name and phone number, I also agreed to see him again  in a couple weeks.   

The only thing that pisses me off about the entire thing was the co-pay.  I mean that just cheapens the relationship don't you think?  I couldn't figure out if I should call the girl who took my check his receptionist or a pimp?   I told Droid about it and he said next time I should go ahead and make him strip for me, so I get my money's worth.  

This is totally why our marriage works.

xo

PEACH OUT

Fasting is for Fava Beans

Last night a friend ( who actually has a real life)  sent this message to our little group of sickos.


"I hope you people realize that logging in here after just 5 minutes is like missing 1 episode of a soap opera,  trying to watch it for a week to figure out what you have missed and then realizing that some asshole has changed the channel" 


So I thought I would summarize the day with my brilliance but my brilliance was left in the refrigerator  in the form of a cheesecake that I could not eat BECAUSE I HATE TO FAST FOR THE DAMN BLOODWORK.

Dearest Stephanie, 

Clarice has 3 personalities and tried to kill me A FUCKIN GAIN. She aint knocked up a FUCKING GAIN but tried to use her fictional candian baby as a murder weapon on me, Her yard boy could have been the daddy, but she had angry sex with her husband for breakfast just in case, then Dawn who is really me, is showing up in my eyes at the dr's appointments so I have to go in and have fasting bloodwork in the morning and since I have the will power of a crackwhore I have to go to bed in like 2 seconds which means I will have no posts tomorrow on either blog but Dawns blood sugar is low because I am fasting and her eye is twitching because I am actually her. Dawn started talking about a website where she would sell sweaters for cats but that she would need to sell stun guns with each sweater because cats don't do well with " dressing" and then I knew that I should probably eat something, you know for Dawns sake.

You posted you went running which caused me to freak becasue I thought you were being attacked because no one would fucking run unless you were in mortal peril because that's just fucking insane and we all know Clarice has the damn Oscar awards on the insanity shit,  and you live on a little island?  hello?  shark bait? I mean really? right? but I couldn't figure out what your 911 number was so I just prayed to buddah ( because god is really pissed at me right now due to my post on the pits today yesterday) that you would be ok, and then I was told I was coming back as a cat turd when i die by the Dalai Lama which is freaky since he's dead but he came to me as a Unicorn and Jimmy Page was on his back so I believe him.




Clarice had this fucked up silence of the lambs conversation, and I think she is cooking fava beans in her kitchen right now to go with my liver. ( or Dawns) Poor Dawn, she's much closer to Canada than I am, but poor me, I am much closer to Alabama.  Which is worse in the grand scheme of things?  Having your liver eaten by Clarice or living next to an entire state that wants to kill you right now? 

Tiffanys stupid coworker thinks her middle name is actually "potatoe salad"  and we are getting her a fake ID in New Orleans this weekend we told her it was in Homage of her mothers Great Grandfather  General Polk Salad a famous Civil War hero. She is totally buying it and we told her that is why Tiffany has to have next Monday off as it's a Civil War Holiday. I am making up letter head and notarizing the letter from the sisterhood of the Northern Alliance of The Souther Civil War Leaders Holiday Association.

Then Steven Tyler called and said I was hot and that he liked my post on Being Peachy about him over on Being Peachy even though I said he looked like Janice Dickenson and Brendan Fraser got all jealous pissy which is totally not like him at all, then my husband came home and they gecko roman wrestled and it was fucking crazy. my dalmation won, but Ryan Reynolds got loose from the closet and defused the situation with a joke and we all had some cheesecake. 

So my bloodwork will be screwed up and I will get 52 new medications that will probably kill me and and Clarice will eat my liver which means Dawn will die too and no one will be around to back up Tiffany's story or call 911 when you fall off your damn island. I hope this catches you up, sorry you wont have anywhere to get a sweater for your cat or a stun gun.




xo


PEACH OUT

photo credit to cheezburger.com 

son of a mother fudgin monarch it's freaking Monday again

** WARNING I AM EXTREMELY UNPLEASANT IN THIS BLOG POST **

What the hell does the universe have against me? I know I did some pretty crazy shit back in the late 80's but, "hello universe you put Daytona Beach in my back yard so you need to take some responsibility for this crap".

Here it is a freaking Monday you KNOW I hate Mondays. ( if you don't go over to www.beingpeachy.com where I have a weekly feature called Moronic Monday. Over there today in fact I show you how much google loves my smexy beast ass.

Today is so special not just because it's a nut scraping, knuckle dragging, no good smactastic wench of a freaking day called Monday. On top of all that, please shoot me glory, I get to go and meet a new wizard today. That's right people, down the yellow brick road I go again on my own.
( see how I referenced a classic movie with a white snake song and it referred to New Orleans piss covered streets  all in one sentence without even planning it? I amaze even myself. Which is important because I am one of the very  few who reads this friggin blog)

Honestly after 6 years of Doctors I have so little faith each time I am sent to a new one that I just want to say, " can we do this over the phone, I don't want to see your phd face when you say, " WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU??? " .  Like the time the ER Dr actually friggin asked my husband to spell my diagnosis so he could google it in front of us in the ER ( I so didn't pay that bill) or even better when I literally have to introduce you to my diagnosis and explain the causes, affects and treatments while you sit all slack jawed like the haven't picked up a medical book in 20 years dipshit you surely are.

I stand by my famous quote that I live where Great Doctors play golf, not practice medicine.

The only way I will ever get a real Dr is if I were to run onto the golf course in the middle of a televised tournament with 'SAVE MY BRAIN' written on my tits. Now I would trip and stumble over those tube socks filled with cantelopes that used to be hot boobs.

I have an idea for a bumper sticker. - "  Steriods- it's like pulling a ripcord on a chicks parachute ass, second only to a wedding ring".

Can I say that I found out that PJ's give you plenty of leeway. As in you can gain or drop 15 pounds and your PJ's will love and accept you. But jeans, dress slacks, a top with buttons ? OH hell no.

So this morning I will wake up FAR TOO EARLY, then with the assistance of crisco a shoe horn and a complicated pully system devised by my husband I will stuff my fat ass into a non forgiving material a few sizes too small so I look like I am smuggling hams in my pants. Go out in the cold, driving my POS mini van, pay a co pay to a Dr who will surely have little to no knowledge of my issue but will MOST definitely put in a referral to one of their friends so I can do the insurance circle of Medicine dance.

oh Monday I really freaking hate you.  Hope you guys don't have to stab anyone in the throat with a #2 pencil because they are an idiot today.

xo
PEACH OUT

Why I need an Island

I used to work 40-50 hours a week at a high stress, suit type job.
I used to drag my kids to every event/function/practice/exhibition/cultural experience.
I used to take off in the car with no planned route calling it an adventure and singing in the car.
I used to go out a lot and could often be seen with a microphone in my hand for one reason or another.
I was like Norm at Cheers. When I would walk in a place people would yell my name and get up to hug me.
I was once even elected to a small position that I took very serious and enjoyed.

Not anymore.  I started on a mission to be comfortable and have dedicated my life to Pajamas and this darling laptop of mine. At some point I went from being a social butterfly to a very anti social often pissed off troll.

It's like my adoration of the human race has been sucked out of me and I need to be sent off to an island to live alone.  But what's weird is there are some people I really like, I would do anything for them and I would want them on my island because I love them like a cat loves catnip. They seem to get me. Even if our opinions differ we still support and laugh at and with each other.  So obviously I need an island.


Now if I have to answer my doorbell or phone I cringe.  If I have to actually get dressed and leave my house I feel like I should bring a paper bag for a probable hyperventilation event or a baseball bat and a criminal defense lawyer.

I wonder if  the burly hillbilly at the door trying to sell meat off the back of his truck is thinking how many pounds of rump roast he could get by cutting up my body out here in the woods, where no one can see or hear my murder.

I wonder if the person on the phone wanting me to do a phone survey knows that I have more than likely had a conversation with someone about zombies, jedi's, ninjas, scary clowns, or speedos in the last 30 minutes and should probably not have an opinion that is valued.

I am not sure if this event is happening everywhere or just in my state.

It appears the human race is getting more stupid, irresponsible and all around incompetent.   

Or more logically,  I am turning into a seriously heinous bitch.

Since I was forced out of my Pajama vacation/lifestyle several times in the last few days, I noticed how acute this situation is.  The following things happened in the past 3 days, and there is one common denominator me. So clearly mathematics would teach us I am the cause.

Example 1-  I don't have a Dr, I have a Physicians Assistant, but he got promoted to over seas all the PA's so he passed me and my medical issues down to a Assistant to the Physician Assistant which I will call an APA, who told me to come and see him for a follow up but when I went in, I saw a Nurse.  I am thinking the worse my case gets the less qualified my medical provider will be.  I expect next time I go in I will see the receptionist and the visit after that the janitor, then probably a 1st grader.  This pisses me off.  I pay for my insurance.

Example 2- The Nurse managed to mess up all of my Rx's because she didn't understand what they were for or what my dx was.  So I spent 2 hours on the phone to leave a phone consult to get an appointment that is two weeks from now to follow up on the follow up where my meds were messed up. Excellent.

Example 3- The Stupid Bitch known as the Young Tech at the lab who though I was a pin cushion while she acted like a 15 year old in the High School Parking lot.  I even wrote a post about her( click here).  And how I wanted to slap the eyebrows off her face.

Example 4-  Big Chain Store Tire Guy- I have a flat, I am driving on the spare I pull in with the flat tire with road hazard warranty on it in the back. He see's me pull up and wait at the sign that says wait. He sits down and eats, a small child, a danish. Wipes his pudgy hands on his greasy shirt and then goes inside the store for a while. He comes back out with his hand held bar code thingy and saunters up to me like I am intruding on his non work schedule. I explain I have the warranty and a flat and he explains it's against the law to fix the tire since it's a 2006, even though the receipt I show him states I bought it in 2009.  He said yeah you have to watch that.  Watch WHAT? YOU? you sell me 3 year old tires and a warranty on them that you don't have to back up because the tire you sold me was old and you say, " I should watch that?"  oh ok, I see the error of my ways in assuming you  weren't a cheating scum bag.

Example 4b- Big Chain Store Tire Guy-  OH yeah dude last time I was here I had you replace that right front tire here's the receipt, on the way home my hubcap flew off and I turned around and crawled through a snake infested ditch to get it back can you put it back on?    NO?  It's broke?  Somebody broke it putting it on?  OH,  so I am screwed?  Ok cool. Thanks.

Example 5-  Politics.  You can't win.  If you disagree with either or both sides on even 1 point you are screamed at by either or both sides for being an idiot.  Apparently at some point we stopped being a country where we could respect each others view points and still disagree and turned into a country of OMG your are so stupid and I am so smart cause I read it on the internet.    If you have the balls to write a serious article about politics, have the brains to actually research the material.  Both sides, all views, the good the bad the ugly, and then using your own voice put out the article instead of regurgitating more useless drivel that serves only the people who are actually making money from this entire High School like popularity contest. The Politicians.


Example 6- Several phone calls from someone in my past to complain that their hand is just totally on fire and OMG they even had a chest x-ray and they are going to see a neurologist and their life is over and could I help them out because OMG the world is ending.  First of all. I have known you my entire life, you're a certified idiot.  If your hand is on fire take it off the stove burner where you have probably left it so you could scream how horrible your life is.  The life that you never worked a day in your life for but instead has been handed to you through tax dollars and the pity of the many many charities you scam.  Do me a favor. Lose my number.


Example 7- An elementary school teacher.  Who in just 4 weeks of school, has done all of the following.
Failed to give my kid his asthma medicine after I jumped through flaming hula hoops to get all the school forms and rx bottles properly completed by an actual Doctor before school started.
Had a ridiculous list of supplies for me to purchase and has not used even one of them for my kid yet.
Had  a face to face meeting with  me and my husband on day 4 of school because they are using some -/. code for all assignments and simply write a number on an erase board  ie:  9.4/7-e   and admitted the system may be confusing to 9 year olds.
Made my kid walk laps in 100 degree weather right after we had the meeting to discuss the folder with the ./- system because even though that was what the  meeting was about I didn't initial it.  OH yeah and no he didn't get his asthma medicine first.
Instead of answering any of my written notes to her, just circled words in my notes in red pen so that I could try to put them in an order that may be an answer.
Sends home all classwork and school work for the entire week on every Monday because it takes up too much class time to hand out these photo copied worksheets every day.  But the kids can only do that day's work on that day.
If you chose the job to be a teacher. Here is a really out of the box kind of idea, how about TEACHING !  Don't hand a kid over 60 photo copied worksheets for a week and test 5 days a week. Put them on auto function mode and use the code words , " students responsibility" for " I am too lazy to do my job"  If you are too busy working on your degree to actually teach or you figured out you hate the job, quit.  There are plenty of qualified dedicated people who would love your job.


Example 8-  The bank.  They have initiated a policy that if you do not use your atm/debit card within 14 days it is suspended and you have to psychically go into a branch and have it reactivated.  This is Bullshit.  I live in podunkville yall.  I am also on a pajama vacation and I might go 3 or 16 days without every opening my front door ( unless that meat guy comes by).  Plus this isn't my main account so I don't use it that much.  I can't think of a better way to get me to close all 3 of my accounts with you.


Example 9-  A phone call from someone that although I love them dearly. I wouldn't trust them with a spork  and playdough, as they have proven they are capable of EPIC bad choices,  and lack the comprehension of responsibility in a way that exceeds anything previously known on the planet.  This person moves town to town state to state. In college we called it, "couch surfing".  But I am not sure there is always a couch involved.  Yet this person thought it would be a FANTASTIC idea to call me from a borrowed cell phone from an Animal Shelter in another state and ask me to "co-sign" for them to get a dog.  UHM WHAT?  My dogs and cats are always rescue or shelter animals.  But really how could I vouch for this person to be responsible for a helpless unconditionally loving animal to be placed in their care or lack there of.  I couldn't.  So the call ended with me being cussed out for saying I didn't think it was a good idea until they were more stable.


So that's an average of 3 people a day for the last 3 days that have made me absolutely lose my cool. Even if just within my own mind.   This is not good, this is not normal, this is not ok.  I am the happy go lucky, "make it work" go to girl.    Now I am just a growling snarling festering troll.   I looked at the calendar and I can't even use PMS as an excuse.

Is there a medicine that makes you less angry/stabby/annoyed/mean/hateful/hyperventalty ?  If so, what is it and what do I need to say to the janitor to get the RX for it.

I have to go out again today I hope I am able to avoid any more "situations" that make me question this theory.