Getting to Know You

So far we've been able to handle three but I think that's just because Jeff is taking time off work. I've been working steadily throughout the past two days and nights on "Operation Fatten Him Up." There's a doctor's appointment tomorrow and I'm afraid if he hasn't gained much the NICU nurses will come to take him back. It's harder than you think. This guy sleeps ALL the time (except for, strangely, the exact moment I lay down to sleep). Nicky enjoys holding the baby and giggles at his Gremlin grunts and grimaces. Andy likes to give the baby his bottle but hates that Nicky likes to hold him for so long. He gets bored waiting around for her to put him down. I've been crying a lot which is normal for me when I get no sleep. In addition to the new baby, Andy's been having bouts of asthma problems at night. His inhaler makes him wide awake. One of my friends say that women either cry a lot or get bitchy when they have a new baby and don't get appropriate sleep. I asked Jeff which one he'd prefer and he actually had to stop and think about it. He really hates the crying. He says if he remembers correctly it stops in about a month and I don't need medication. Thank goodness for his good memory.

Upon discharge, we were told not to take the baby out for a few months what with all the sicknesses going around and baby's prematurity. So we are all home from church. So when I am not pumping and feeding baby and handling meltdowns from the other kids because they are so bored, I will fill this seclusive time with picture taking.

Baby's toes.

The Bishop's wife loaned me this Moses basket. It's a must have for the third baby. It was good for sending a baby down the river and it's great for hiding baby in a closet or other nook when the pitter patter of little feet and the sound of Nicky calling, "where's Christian?" can be heard. They're skinnier than they look in the picture. We could do french braids with all that dark hair in the back. Sadly, he wasn't as blessed on top.

All that is missing in these two photos is a cigar. I can almost hear baby in my mind, complete with British accent, saying, "I am rather good looking aren't I?" I don't know how it is possible for him to look chubby but somehow the camera is adding weight.

The Bishop's wife also loaned me all these fun little premie clothes that fit Nicky's dolls too. I'm glad she did or he wouldn't have much to wear.

Friday Makes Three

There is a rumor around the NICU that baby Christian may be leaving and coming home on Friday. He's been doing awesome with his feedings (taking all by bottle or breast) and his nose tube came out last night. He even weighs five pounds again today. I hate to get my hopes up but they're up. I'm very excited to have him in my clutches and make him a fatty. I'm also going to have to figure out what to do with three kids. They're starting to outnumber us.

I haven't been able to photograph him with his eyes open, sorry, but here's a picture from today. He no longer has the feeding tube or "booger" as Kelly mistakenly calls it.

Unrelated, but I have never captured a photo of Andy in his suit. He thinks he is so grown up and that he's wearing, "Daddy's tings."

After five years of having no Fall in Southern California, it's fun to have one again. It's beautiful out. I'm a seasons kind of girl.

Ho Hum...When are You Coming Home?

Having experienced this premature birth thing before has helped...but yet I still find myself sad. I tell myself I'm lucky that the baby will most likely be ok and coming home soon. I try to think of parents who lose their children and I tell myself I'm better off. Last week it was a little nice for someone else to take care of baby while I tried to pull myself together after the c-section. But now I am tired of people saying, "it must be nice to be able to recover while the baby is in the hospital." I long for him to be near me every second. I get exhausted making one daily trip over to the hospital and the time seems to go so fast. Yesterday I changed baby and I was horrified by his pencil thin legs and eraser sized bottom (no it is not that bad but close). He lost weight so now he is in the four pound range. I find myself in tears because I just want him home with me and I don't want to miss any moments. At the same time I am afraid to have something so fragile under my care and discretion. I have weird dreams that I am still pregnant but the baby has stopped moving and I wake up confused and afraid. There is a girl in the ward with the same due date as me and I actually feel jealous that she is pregnant and I am not. I feel sort of ripped off from the normal experience I wanted but I feel guilty for feeling that way because he isn't dead. I want time alone with him without the "professionals" around. Mostly I wish I could do something to speed up time so he could be out of the hospital and be home with me. I'm not sure when it will be. He now eats about half his meal from a bottle and the rest from the nose tube. He needs to eat all his meals by bottle and be putting on weight before he comes home. They tell me it can happen very quickly. I hope it does. Andy was in the NICU for five days and we are now on day seven with this guy.

Better than a Doll

Nicky held that baby for 45 minutes today and her body didn't show the slightest hint of impatience or wiggling. When I asked to hold him, she asked, "Then will you give him right back?" She also says I'm not allowed to call him my baby because "he's everyone's baby."

The Symphony

“Symphony” is the name of the pump
for the breast
Hook yourself on
It does the rest

I’m not a musical type
I’ve been told
Until now
while Symphony grabs hold

It doesn’t get old
Hearing the duet
Of the set
A veritable minuet

The pump sings
While it brings
The whoosh and the pull
The boobs don’t feel full

If you haven’t a baby
It’s the best to be done
And at 1 in the morning
It can be strangely fun

Note: I am strongly medicated.

Baby Christian

There's a million things to write about but I'll just post a picture. I came home last night but Christian is still hanging in the NICU. We think he'll probably be there another couple of weeks but nobody knows. They are at least feeding him which is nice. For the first two and half days they wouldn't feed him because his breathing was too erratic. Every time I would go down he was crying his eyes out. Sad! Now they are feeding him through a little tube that goes from his nose to his stomach. It's awesome because he can sleep while he is eating. Talk about multi-tasking! I never saw him awake yesterday. He's a happy guy. Now we just wait for him to grow so we can bring his sweetness home.

New Baby Boy!

Ok, so this is Jeff hacking into Melissa's account to post...haha! just wanted to let everyone know that Christian Nicholas Camacho was born yesterday at 6:53pm. He weighed in at 5lbs 3 oz and was 16 1/2 inches. Melissa appears to be doing very well considering she had a c-section yesterday! Or at least she is good at making it look like she is doing well.

Christian came as a surprise about 6 weeks early due to the same thing that happened with Andy. Melissa went in for an appt to check the fluid levels and the amniotic fluid ran out for some reason. So I got a text and a call that I had better hurry and find a sitter for the kids cuz the baby was coming today. I'm so glad Melissa had put a list of phone numbers on the refrigerator just a night or two before. I swear Mom's always subconsciously know these things in advance somehow. I was able to find someone to play with the kids while Grandpa drove up from the Bay Area.

It is so strange that Christian's due date (Nov. 21) was one day off from when Andy's had been. He was born two days after Andy's birthday and both Christian and Andy were 6 weeks early. Is that coincidence or what!

Christian is at the NICU at Sutter hospital where they are taking good care of him. It is too early to say exactly how long he will be there since they say things can change so much in the first few days. But for now things seem to be ok. They think he may have an infection and so they have him on some antibiotics and they will check a few more things out today. Melissa and I both feel that it is less stressful this time since we have been through this before, yet still concerned to make sure all tests, etc. come out ok.

Melissa will probably come home on Thursday.

Birthday at Bishop's Pumpkin Patch

Yesterday Andy celebrated his third birthday with his family, grandparents, auntie, and cousins at Bishop's Pumpkin Patch. Bishop's is one of the best pumpkin patches in the country. You actually can pick the pumpkins from the patch and they have a train, multiple huge slides, petting zoo, pony rides, panning for marbles area, pig races, etc. etc. We had to literally pull the kids away. In the car they said it was more fun than Disneyland. That was lovely to hear because it was CHEAP in comparison. Free admission and only about 2.50 each to do the little rides. It was so fun to take advantage of the fact that Jeff's family lives only two hours away and can join us on special occasions. It pretty much makes the move worth it. We were always a little lonely without family in San Diego.

I have a nauseating amount of pictures but, like any mother, I think my kids are cute (especially with cousins) so I couldn't decide which pictures to put up. So you get most of the good ones.

Nicky was so proud of herself for "catching" the lizard (I think she actually stole it from her cousin Emma who really caught it).

This one is not in correct sequence but I couldn't get it to move. Andy with his cake.

I really couldn't decide which picture to post on the slide. Andy kept going down over and over. It was a long but slow slide and he held up his arms saying, "weeeeeee" the whole time. I don't know if I've ever seen him so happy.

There are no pictures to prove but I was there in my enormity to enjoy the party. Thanks to lots of water and rest, my amniotic fluid is back up to acceptable levels. I still have doctors appointments and non stress tests every day but we are still in the game. I saw a perinatologist on Friday and he asked if I was diabetic or off on my due date because the baby is weighing in at an estimated 6 lbs 9 oz. I told him it might be all the juice I've been drinking to jolt him into movement because I've been so worried I want him moving all day. He says to stop drinking juice. Water only! Still six weeks to go but I refuse to complain if he is 14 pounds because I want him full term. I'll take him big.

Long Day of Guilt

Before I head into my guilt-ridden day, I thought I'd post some pictures. We've been attempting to settle ourselves and get furniture, etc. but it takes time. For the last few weeks, this is the sight I've seen most:

The downstairs is all tile and so without furniture it echoes. So the kids run crazy, fight, etc. all with lovely sound effects that drive me out of my mind.

The back yard was all dead when we got here so Jeff's dad has been coming up on weekends to help get the new lawn put in. The kids love the dirt and their backyard as you can see. That's the Scooby Doo Gang there in the dirt pile if you couldn't guess. I have two sets now because the kids fought so much over the one set (there's only five in the gang so it's impossible to divide them fairly). Now there is fighting because Andy wants two Velmas instead of one. I can never win.

Andy finally got to leave his crib and transferred to a full bed. He LOVES it but looks so small in it. I don't want him to ever grow big enough to look right in it.

Now to my guilt. I was having the perfect pregnancy: no previa, no low fluid, plenty of kicking, no complications whatsoever. When suddenly I went for an ultrasound yesterday and my amniotic fluid level is down to 6 (if it gets to 5 or below they deliver the baby). Nicky was a full term baby but Andy was delivered at 34 weeks because he had no more amniotic fluid. There is no good reason for it and I thought it was something random. Now it is happening again. 34 weeks is on the bigger end for being a pre-term baby but it still means a premature baby. I never got to hold Andy or nurse him for long after he was born. Instead he was in the NICU with what looked like a Star Wars airfighter mask on. He wouldn't eat without falling asleep and other such fun things. Worst of all he looked so scrawny with his chicken bone legs. I felt guilty that I had him early even though it wasn't my fault.

If it happens again, I can only pray that things work out as well as they did for Andy. He is fine now. I also have experience with this so it is not as bad as having it happen the first time. I just feel sad because there was no warning. They've been checking my fluid levels every two weeks and everything was fine. It makes me feel so guilty for doing this to the little guy in there who is just trying to grow. I also had many thoughts of having a normal pregnancy this time. I was so satisfied thinking about how he would be full term and he would snuggle with me there in the hospital as long as I wanted and I could nurse him right away without having to milk myself on the dang breast pump for six weeks.

If that is the worse that happens though, I will be thankful. Who knows, maybe I will go in tomorrow and the levels will go back up. As sad as I am, I am so glad there are ultrasounds and doctors that can find out these things. I wouldn't have Andy without intervention.

I guess it's just not nice to worry and not know how things will turn out. I also have two other kids hanging around that need a lot of attention. I'm feeling real guilty about them. I was going to sign Nicky up for preschool this week and that won't be happening. Andy's birthday is on Saturday with a party planned. He wants a spider man cake that I won't be making. Jeff is getting behind on work. We are in a new place with no friends. I do have some acquaintances to call on for babysitting, so I am grateful for that. I'm just going to have to adjust from a normal pregnancy to a higher risk, try to keep my worry down and hope to not continue with the guilt. I just have too much time on my hands with the doctor ordered, "frequent rests." I really don't want to be so self obsessed. These days where I have to check fetal kick counts on my own are just nerve wracking. I don't want anyone dying in utero there.

Red Sangria Party

As mentioned before, there are two gay partners that live next to us, Leon and Andrew. Leon was the first neighbor we met. The kids met him before they met the house as he was out with his dogs Charlie and Lucy when we pulled up three weeks ago. I was surprised when he said he had a gay partner because he didn’t seem like the “type.” Not that there is a type I suppose. Right away he invited us to the Red Sangria Party he was throwing for Andrew’s birthday on Friday night. Jeff and I had never heard of a Red Sangria Party and we wondered if it was code for a special type of gay party. A quick look on the Internet revealed that the word “sangria” means blood in Spanish and a Red Sangria is simply an alcoholic beverage made with red wine. Not as exciting as imagined! Jeff was out-of-town on Friday but I listened behind my side of the fence all day as preparations were made and watched as white trucks delivered flowers, red balloons, and artsy looking fountains and tables. It was to be my first gay party.

I can see Leon and Andrew’s back yard through my bedroom window. So around 9:00, after the kids went to bed, I turned out the lights, pulled up the blinds, and opened the window a crack to receive sound. It felt like turning on the TV or opening a book since my looksy out the window would reveal a completely foreign way of life, a different world. I’m the girl who grew up in Utah County where the most exciting things I’d see from my window offered from the conservative Mormon neighbors were tree prunings or lawn mowings.

The thump of music blended beautifully with the torches and the bouquets of red balloons. A quick look at the party goers revealed the expected but still shocking, “sword fight.” A sword fight is the term my old friend Adam used in our single days to describe the type of party he did not want to attend – a party without women. I watched, my mouth agape, as good looking men dressed in stylish clothes seemed to thoroughly enjoy each others conversations and flirtations. One man was going around taking pictures of couples. At some point I fell asleep and woke around 12:30. A took a quick gander out the window and immediately closed the blinds. The lateness of the evening and no doubt, those red sangrias had produced more cuddling and caressing. For some reason I’d stopped enjoying my stint as a peeping Tom.

Leon proves to be my favorite neighbor so far. He lets Nicky play with his dogs. He likes to smile, talk, and loan tools. He owns his own landscaping/yard decorating business so he is wonderful to get ideas from for the yard. He sent us to Scandinavian Designs to find furniture but the couches are so low and artsy I felt like they were meant for children. He likes to take pictures of sunsets. He is sweet with the kids which brings me pangs of sadness. Would this man I hardly know like to have kids of his own? Does he feel sad about his lifestyle? It's not so mainstream for this neighborhood. How did his mother and father take the news? Or, is he perfectly happy in his home where the master bedroom closet is filled only with men’s clothes? Yes, all of this here for my mind to take in at the end of my new cul-de-sac.