I Was First On The Scene Of A Car Crash Yesterday. Bucks County.

Oh man. Yesterday was a doooozy. I was returning from Wawa near work and I slowed and stopped at a red light. Next thing you know a woman came screeching behind me and slams into the telephone pole right next to me! (That’s the actual telephone pole above. I can’t believe it wasn’t smashed in two) She was probably going about 40MPH. She must have been distracted and swerved so she wouldn’t hit me.

I look and I see the airbags. Her car is totaled.

I jump out and her face is covered with blood from the airbag. And she’s screaming and crying hysterically. Someone else at the Wawa saw it and called 911. It was pretty bad.

So I look in the back and there’s a baby in the back seat. His head was smooshed up and at first I thought maybe his neck was broken but it wasn’t. He was fine as far as I could tell. The woman is still screaming and appeared to be in shock. She’s saying, “My husband stole all my money and kicked me out of the house and I’m on my way to a woman’s shelter.” She repeated this about 10 times.

Then the baby started crying so I held the bottle through the window for the baby because I was afraid that if I picked the baby up I might hurt it.

A nurse must have seen what happened and ran across the street and was helping to calm the woman down.

When the police arrived I left. And then when I drove away I realized how surreal and crazy it was and my hands started shaking.

Yup. It was fuuuucked uuup!

Oh and in other car related news a deer jumped in front of my car this morning and I hit it’s foot. No damage.

I hope car related bad things don’t happen in threes.

Bees. Oh They'll Get Ya! Bee Attack In West Whiteland.

The other day I was having a conversation with a friend about bees. Pretend you were there as I retell the story:

My son was about five and my wife hears screaming coming from the backyard. She runs out and my son and his friend Kyle are running toward the house. They had stepped in a bees nest.

So my son gets in the house but Kyle is surrounded by bees and is being stung. And the bees are going up his pant leg and up his shirt.

Now I wasn't there but my wife was telling me the story when I got home from work. I'm like, "What did you do?"

She says, "I was really calm. I was like OK Kyle, let's pull you shirt off...OK here we go..Good...OK step out of your shorts...OK...as I walked him toward the house. I finally got his shirt and pants off and I pulled him into the house."

What?

I don't know how she stayed so calm. I really think I might have done this as my son ran into the house: "OK Kyle, Jack can't play now..OK..you just go home now. Alright?We've got some things to do..(as I pull the door shut)...come back tomorrow.

Well hopefully I wouldn't have done that but I could have seen myself saying, "JUST RUN AROUND THE HOUSE! BEES ARE SLOW! (as I watched from the inside of the house) THAT'S IT..FASTER! THE BEES ARE GETTING TIRED! I CAN TELL!"

Chester County Blogger Recovering From Serious Accident. Please Send Flowers.

I didn't want to alarm everyone but I was in a bit of an accident yesterday.

You see, I was out of my regular razors so I had to use a crappy single blade. I don't even know how they can be on the market.

So I'm doing that weird face where you stretch your nose so you can shave right under it - you know what I'm talking about guys (and bearded ladies) - and I actually cut my NOSTRIL! Right on the side of my nostril!

There was blood everywhere. And why does it take an hour for the bleeding to stop? I was bleeding for over an hour and was even late for work. I did however pass the time by making myself a hero award.

Today however, you can barely see where I cut myself.

I was kind of embarrassed yesterday during the day because I was wondering if anyone thought that I was shaving my nose. Like I have a face that's really hair covered like an ape but I have to shave it completely everyday to hide my secret. Living in shame.

Anyways, I did survive. And that's all that counts.

Real Practical Joke. Calendar Models. College High Jinks.

So I while back on my blog I did a series of posts about practical jokes I've done. Here's another one. Grab a carpet mat and have a seat and I'll treat you to another one. Gather in closer now.

You! No eating!

OK. So it was in college and I'm walking down the dorm hall and this jackass that I never could stand was leaning against a doorway harassing this shy girl.

Guy: So admit it Patty. You're a virgin.

Shy Girl: Will you just shut up.

Guy: It's not a big deal. But why won't you admit it? You're a virgin aren't you?

Shy Girl: (about to cry) Just shut up.

This had been going on for a while.

So later on that night, I was hanging out with these two chick that were really funny and asked the one to do this. I was going to do it myself but was afraid he'd recognize by voice. So the one called him:

(Phone rings)

Guy: Hello?

My Chick Friend: Hello is this Barry?

Guy: Yeah.

My Chick Friend: Well hello Barry, this is Mary Ann from American Collegiate Calendars.... And the reason we're calling is that we put out a calendar every year featuring various students from colleges in the region and we'd like to see if you'd be interested in posing.

Guy: (All excited and shit) Really?

My Chick Friend: Really. Now we did get your name anonymously from someone that apparently watches you play football? - looks like you've got an admirer. Would you mind posing in your football outfit?

Guy: Yeah OK.

So we give him more info and tell him that the photographer was going to be at a specific building in a week. This jackass was so excited he called every friend he knew, called his parents and was walking around like a dick.

So the day comes and I see him walking out of the dorm. About an hour later he comes back all pissed off, opens his door and throws his crap in the room.

Mission accomplished. Don't mess with Zibbs.

Coatesville Arsonist Caught. Coatesville Fire Setter Was A Teen.

Breaking News: Busted! According to slackers at My Fox Philly, a teen has been arrested for seven of the fires in Coatesville. As previously reported here on That Blue Yak, there have been 23 arsons in Coatesville since January 1.

Since the arsonist was caught shortly AFTER I posted my story and I called for his capture does that mean that I somehow helped with his capture? I would have to say yes.

Good Fellowship Ambulance. Chester County Accidents. Hero

Here's a picture that I took a few months ago in West Goshen PA near the Chester County Book Company. I'm in my car. Watching. Waiting. There was a car crash and the Good Fellowship Ambulance people were there doing their thing.

I pulled over to take this picture. I guess I was hoping there was a chance that I could be a hero but there wasn't. I was thinking about approaching anyway (after making sure hair looked good),

Me: Excuse me, I'm the blog world's Dr Zibbs from That Blue Yak. Can I be of any assistance.

Ambulance Person: Sir, you need to back up and...you're Dr Zibbs?

Me: Yes. Yes I am. Is everything under control.

Ambulance Person: Now it is.

Maybe I should just carry around a few tinfoil wrapped letter "Z's" in my car and when I see an accident I can approach and give the accident victims a tinfoil wrapped "Z",

"Hang in there, maybe this will help."

Blogger Announces Best Friend Contest For People With No Friends

OK. First of all, for the winners of my last contest, I didn't forget to mail your prizes. I just haven't gotten around to it yet. I'll do it shortly.

Now for my amazing new contest. It's called, The Dr Zibbs is My Best Friend Contest. Here's how it will work.

- Tell me in the comments section what a day would be like if you and I were friends. Would we fly off to a remote area in Greece and explore the land on donkeys? The funny looking donkey's that wear the straw hats with their ears peaking through? Would we drop milkshakes off of the second floor of a mall onto the heads of some jerks? Would we be getting it on? Would we eat BLT's but we'd do that thing where we kind of link arms around each other? Would we pull a heist? I'm talking excitement people.

- Once you leave a comment, are you done? What if you think of something better? Well, I will accept multiple submissions. Take as much space as you wish. In fact, the more detailed the scenario, the better your chance of winning.

- I will give everyone about a day, but once you see me write, "CONTEST CLOSED" in the comments section, it's officially closed. So don't start your bawlin'.

- I will pick three runner ups (losers). The prize will be me saying their name, out loud while sitting at my computer like this: "Blogger #5 is my friend". I will not record the vocalization and nobody will probably hear it, but you'll have my word that your name was said out loud by me - a very famous, rockstarlike blog celebrity.

And the Grand Prize Winner will receive at least 5 emails from me recapping a great day we really didn't have but we would have had if I really wanted to be friends with you. You're free to post these emails on your own blog - which will bring you tons of blog traffic - or simply print the emails out, cut then into the shape of hearts and rose petals and roll around in them. The choice is yours.

And one more thing, feel free to trash the ideas of other bloggers if you sense that their scenarios are full of shit.