Moment of Clarity

Have you ever been in a relationship where you feel appreciated...sort of, feel like an equal partner...some of the time, feel like nothing gets better than this...maybe? You've gotten comfortable. You know how to play the game. It's working...and yet it's not. That is my current work situation. Much like a dating relationship that's good but still lacking in key elements. You've given it a good nine months of honestly trying. Working hard. Giving all you have. Investing all of your time. Then one day you have a moment of clarity and you realize the other person in the relationship doesn't care one bit if you stay or go. Their words say stay, but their actions show ambivalence. So you start dating other companies. And opportunities fly out of nowhere, well obviously somewhere because you applied for them. Others want you and are willing to double your salary just to have you work for them. All of the sudden your current company starts to look like the lame "sit-on-the-couch and whine-about-life" kind of boyfriend. What you loved about the relationship in the beginning no longer exists. You know the realities of the "cool" guy/company that everyone thinks they want to date/join. Walking away becomes easier the more interviews you have. All of the sudden you remember what it's like to be chased. And even though you know your current relationship could get you fame, recognition, notoriety, you realize those things have never been that important to you. So welcome the first dates/interviews. Embrace the new opportunities. Don't let what feels "good enough" to you and what looks like the "perfect" relationship to the world stop you from finding something that matters so much more.

Movie Moment

I think at one time or another we've all hoped for that movie moment. You know the kind I'm talking about. The meet-cute where two people are brought together in an unlikely situation that couldn't have been planned by either of them. Well, I finally had my movie moment and it's so fun that I had to share.

I went to California this past weekend for a big mid-singles conference in Huntington Beach. I had low expectations. I had been involved with a guy in a weird sort of long distance situation but that recently ended. We weren't dating but we did have a lot of interaction. So I was going to the conference with an open mind and hoping to have some fun. 

I was late getting to the airport. Busy day and I misjudged timing. I got to the security line 30 minutes before my flight was scheduled to depart. Gratefully, I got through in 10 minutes and then ran to my gate which was the furthest possible place from the security line. I breathed a sigh of relief as I arrived to my gate and heard the announcement that our plane was delayed. Whew! I sat down and caught my breath and took a moment to relax.

When boarding was finally called for my flight, I got up and headed over towards the line. I heard a voice behind me ask hesitantly, "Annette?" For a brief second I thought nothing of it but remembered how often my sister and I have been mistaken for one another. I turned and saw a guy looking at me curiously. I realized the question came from him and replied, "No. But I'm her sister." We laughed and introduced ourselves to one another. He and my sister were in the same ward in the Bay area, and he told me later that he when saw me, he thought I looked like my sister but not exactly. If it was my sister, he didn't want to be rude and took a shot and said something. I'm glad he did.

Turns out we were both heading towards the same conference. As we walked towards the plane, he asked where I was staying and how I was getting there. I told him I was renting a car and I asked if he needed a ride. He did. He had planned on taking a cab but since he was staying so close to me it worked out for him to ride with me. I took my seat on the plane and it turns out he was sitting the row behind me. He changed seats with the person sitting by me and we talked most of the flight. Picked up the car the airport and talked all the way to his place as well. Charming, intelligent guy.

So do I have a movie ending? That remains to be seen. He has my number and I've seen him multiple times throughout the conference. Nice guy and we have things in common. But I realize how important it is for him to chase me. I learned that with the last guy—who by the way was at the conference as well (Definitely not interested in me anymore). It's nice to know that the Lord is constantly looking out for us and placing people in our way at the most opportune times. I also love that I finally had my movie moment.

Shockingly Rare

This image relates far too well to my current situation: job and dating. Can you guess where I fit with each one?

There’s a wonderful poem that reads: “Oh snail / Climb Mount Fuji / But slowly / Slowly.” My advice is to work hard, find inspiration in unconventional places, and don’t rush it. You will get there when you stop trying to get there. —Joe Chernov

Thoughts of the Day

Instead of creating a bunch of different blog posts, I thought you'd enjoy the random thoughts that go through my head each day.

A week or so ago, a guy emailed me on an online dating site. He looked like a nice guy so I responded. We emailed a couple of times until the guy's email last night. He gave me a nickname. Not just any nickname. One I detest. I shouldn't judge him for trying to be flirty, but seriously?! He doesn't know me well enough to shorten my name.

At work today, a co-worker explained that she drank hot water because she heard it was better to drink water that was close to body temperature. Now that just sounded weird to me. Hot water was better than cold water? Does your body care? And wouldn't it require more energy to heat up the cold water which would help you lose weight or even speed up your metabolism? I know I'm not a doctor or nutritionist but random health claims always remind me of my sister. Whenever somebody claims something is all natural, her reply is "So is dirt."

This morning as I was laying in bed I decided I wasn't going to do something. Then as I was getting ready, I had a clear thought that went completely contrary to what I said I wasn't going to do. I should learn not to say "I never" but I did start to wonder. When is it a random thought or something I want to do, and when is it a spiritual impression? I'm over 30. You'd think I'd have that figured out by now, but I don't. I decided that something that clear and specific should be acted upon. Better to act then wonder "what if". However, I'm still not sure on this one.

I found this quote today and thought, "Yes! I'm getting there!" I felt like the spirited me was on the comeback. “The archetypal extrovert prefers action to contemplation, risk-talking to heed-taking, certainty to doubt. He favors quick decisions, even at the risk of being wrong.” I read that after I acted on the thought from the morning. Taking a risk and hoping for the best.

Mutual Weirdness

This just makes sense to me.

I started reading (Yes! I know! I finally have time to read again.) John Adams tonight. I've barely scratched the surface and yet my appreciation for the Founding Fathers and all those who endured such times has increased immensely.

Another good day of working out. I think I've got a good schedule going on right now. Grateful for the motivation to get up each morning.

I'm grateful for other people's happy endings. My friend called me tonight telling me he was engaged. I was thrilled! He and his now fiancé have endured some very trying times. Actually, I don't even think they were dating again when they got engaged. They had started talking and everything finally fell into place. So happy for them!

Freak Out Mode

The past two months I have been working at the Marriott School as a recruiting coordinator. Though this job was "part-time", I have been averaging over 35 hours each week teaching a class, helping a professor with his class, meeting with recruiters, and working one-on-one with students helping them with resumes and mock interviews.

With this new job and other situations (dating), I have become completely overwhelmed with the future. I try to remain calm and patient. But inside, I'm freaking out! Heightened amounts of stress plus uncertainty about the future equals an irrational and very needy me. I'm still working on how to deal with this mode. I recognize it. I understand why I am experiencing this. But I don't know how to get out of it, except keep pushing forward. Keeping trying to maintain a sense of normalcy. Keep hoping that I will get a handle on my stress. Keep praying that somehow the force will become balanced once again. Until then...

Edward vs. Edward

Most women and girls right now have a fetish for Edward Cullen from the Twilight series. He may be dark and broodish with carefully disheveled hair, chiseled cheekbones, and glowing eyes but he lacks appeal. His controlling, overacting personality is quite annoying. He whines, complains, manipulates, and his overprotecting nature only makes his relationship with Bella even more frustrating to read or watch. Frankly it diminishes his physical charm and ability to captivate my attention.

Compare that with Edward Ferrars from Jane Austen's Sense and Sensibility. At first glance he isn't strikingly handsome and his manners are described only as pleasing. However, looking past that natural shyness, he has a kind, affectionate, and loyal heart. He is willing to sacrifice his own personal happiness with the woman he loves to honor his promise to another. Only until he is truly free to declare his love does he ask Elinor to marry him. No manipulation. No possessive antics. Honest, true love. He may not be an Edward Cullen or a Willoughby physically but Edward Ferrars' strong moral character rivals that of these "sexy" men, which makes him that much more physically attractive, that much more intriguing, and far more fascinating. Give me an Edward Ferrars over an Edward Cullen any day.

I love weddings! Drinks all around!

My brother Paul and his adorable girlfriend Ashley were married this weekend. Even though there were a few mishaps, Paul left the marriage license in Provo and the photographer's car broke down, the day was filled with joy and happiness. I loved seeing my brother dote on Ashley. The little smiles, kisses, and gestures were contagious! It made all the couples become a little more romantic with their spouse. My favorite picture captures my parents in a private, loving moment as all of were in chaos trying to find our place in the picture. More than anything, Paul and Ashley's wedding day helped me appreciate the sealing powers of the temple and the knowledge that our families can be together for eternity. What an amazing and miraculous blessing!


We all were able to choose our own black wedding party dress.

A couple in love!

My sisters and sister-in-law

All the pretty girls

Such handsome men

My amazing family!

Families are Forever!

Congratulations Paul and Ashley!

Hair Cut

Yesterday, Andrew entered a realm of insanity. Okay not really. But he did let me cut his hair. You may say, "Thamina I didn't know you cut hair." I don't (hence his insanity). But Andrew doesn't believe in paying someone to cut his hair if he can find someone willing to do it for free. Enter me.

The last time Andrew got a hair cut I watched what the hairdresser did so I could replicate it. Then I watched some YouTube videos to remind me what I had learned. When I got to his place, I realized we only had clippers so I ran to the store and bought some real hair cutting scissors. I admit I was completely nervous. I didn't want to mess up his hair. But after 45 minutes, I was finished and I hadn't completely ruined his hair and had only snipped myself three times. Blending was the worst part of the job but my sister-in-law Kaylene gave me some tips for next time. I realize I'm a perfectionist. I keep looking at his hair, examining what I did, and figuring out how to improve because I realize I have many years of hair cuts a head of me.

Short recap

I can tell people really want details based on the amount of traffic my blog is getting. So to procrastinate getting ready for bed, I'll give you the short recap with minimal girl insights.

Saturday Andrew asked me to get "prettied up" for the night because we were going to dinner and a play. I usually dress up anyway but when I asked if I should wear skirt, pants, or nice jeans and he said "skirt", I thought something might be up. We went to dinner at PF Changs, a place I had never been before. Great food! Then went to Costco to pick up food for a dinner group we are both part of. I was in charge and wouldn't have time to go on Monday. At Costco he asked me to pick out some flowers. I thought to myself that if he were going to propose I wanted roses. Truthfully he was going to propose at Costco (that is where we were first introduced to one another) with the flowers but accidentally left the ring in the car. So according to him, he had to rethink his plan. Next we went to the play The Giver. Most of you have read the book and know it isn't that depressing. Well, the play was awfully depressing! I'm glad he didn't propose right before because that would have been such a downer on the play. After the play we went back to his place where his roommate was throwing a "French Night" party. My thought was after that horrible play there is no way he will propose. However, right before curfew he asked if I wanted to go star gazing. We went to the base of Y Mountain and found a rock to sit on as we enjoyed the view. After talking for a bit he told me he talked to my dad that afternoon, pulled out a ring, and asked me to marry him. I was caught off guard with the ring because we hadn't gone shopping together. What he had done was gone to Walmart and picked out a nice "fake" ring that I could wear until we bought a "real" one. Truth be told, I'm getting attached to my fake ring and I'll probably continue to wear it on my right hand after we pick out a "real" one. I loved that he wanted to surprise me! The picture below shows the roses he bought at Costco and the ring he used to propose. Hopefully that recap is sufficient.

I'm Engaged!!

...details will follow

Seriously?

Did I mention that yesterday Andrew and I have officially been dating for seven months? Wow! It has been quite the ride. Okay, truthfully it hasn't officially been seven months, but October 3rd became our "official" day. Here is the quick story that I hope he doesn't mind me sharing. We were hanging out the night of the 3rd. He was going to Salt Lake that night because the next morning was general conference. Instead of going up right after the BYU football game, he came over to my place and we watched The Hunt for the Red October. He will say I seduced him. But he gave me the invitation. :) The next week was crazy but we still were able to spend some time together before I left for Atlanta Thursday morning. We didn't see each other again until Monday 13th. That is technically the day everything became official but the 3rd is really the beginning of our dating story.

A Fun Update

I have neglected blogging for important things like finals, moving Andrew apartments, and starting a new internship. Andrew and I have had some fun intermixed with school. We went to the Draper Temple open house in February. Since both of us have been temple workers, we were both amazed at how small and quaint it was compared to Provo temple.

In March, Andrew's friend Jon came to visit. That weekend we went to a Passover dinner. It was an interesting experience and fun to watch Andrew down spoonfuls of bitter herbs. Since he loves horseradish, he thought eating them in that quantity wouldn't be a problem but even he was overwhelmed by the after taste.

Last October I bought two tickets to Wicked at the Capital Theatre. I had just started dating Andrew so had no idea who my date would be when the show was playing in April. Happily Andrew agreed to be my date. He wanted to see the play without any previous exposure to the music or storyline. Granted some of his guy friends made him think we were seeing a "chic musical". Fifteen minutes into the show he realized those guys were wrong. The show was phenomenal! Absolutely amazing! I saw it in Phoenix 1 1/2 years ago and this production was superior. Even Andrew gave the cast a standing ovation, something he doesn't do very often which shows the quality of the performance.

To cap off April, we went to the MBA grad night. It was to have a night of fun games, yummy food, and good conversation. Right now I am looking forward for the snow to melt so we can go play at my parents' cabin. Until that happens, I am keeping busy with my internship and organizing the chaos that happened while I was in school.

Jon eating bitter herbs

Andrew reacting to the bitter herbs

Playing rock band

Proclamation on the Family

I have pretty definite opinions on certain subjects but am often reticent to share them because of the varied viewpoints and principles of others. Basically, I am more interested in what others think and will rarely speak my thoughts unless asked. However, with the climate of today, my passion for what I believe is right needs to be expressed. Recently, Speaker of the House Pelosi defended a move to add birth control funding to the new economic stimulus package claiming, "contraception will reduce costs to the states and to the federal government." I am horrified at the different angles and attacks the adversary uses to perpetuate the disintegration of the family.

In 1995, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints issued a proclamation to the world warning that "the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets. We call upon responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society." I reflect often on this closing statement and the tactics Satan uses to continually destroy the creation of families. Pelosi's contraception comment is only one of many ways that the family is being assaulted. Proposition 8 attacked the very definition of the the family, denying God's eternal plan and destiny for His children.

In spite of the varied ways that families are being ambushed, I actually believe Satan, in his cunning ways, has found a new more subtle way than using worldly political movements. Don't misunderstand me. Political ideologies are attacking families from every flank. But in the world of the church, he has found a way to infiltrate our very core: he has stopped families from even being created. Thousands of faithful single members have a strong pull toward eternal things. We want to be married, to have a family, to continue our Heavenly Father's plan, but what stops us?

Through lies, fear, and deceit, the adversary convinces us that our lives are good enough OR financially we cannot afford to be married or to have children. He uses fear to trick us into not believing the spiritual promptings we have received OR that we would fail in our divinely appointed roles OR even that "camping on the beach" (see Ether 2) is good enough. He deceives us that our worldly goals and pursuits will satisfy these "immortal longings" (Shakespeare) in each of us. I believe deep inside each of our hearts is the desire to be a wife/mother or husband/father, but Satan uses school, careers, hobbies, talents, and other good things (Elder Oaks) to distract us from what is best. Recognizing this attack is difficult because we still need to be diligent and careful in entering something as sacred as marriage. Yet, do we look beyond the mark? Are we allowing the adversary to blind us? I know so many faithful singles who have run away from marriage (before and after the ceremony) because they believed the lies, succumbed to the deceits, and allowed fear to dictate their agency (the topic of agency requires a post of its own).

Realize that I have many years of experience in the singles dating world. I myself have been a victim of these assaults in multiple ways. I know dating is difficult, frustrating, painful, and completely overwhelming at times. But I also believe in the words of Elder Holland. "To give ourselves totally to another person, as we do in marriage, is the most trusting step we take in any human relationship. It is a real act of faith--faith all of us must be willing to exercise. If we do it right, we end up sharing everything--all our hopes, all our fears, all our dreams, all our weaknesses, and all our joys--with another person." We have to keep pressing forward, being steadfast and strong in our faith, and not allow complacency or the onslaught of political ideologies destroy our eternal hope and happiness. The adversary is real and will use our weaknesses against us. But, we have to remember to Fear not: for they that be with us are more than they that be with them (2 Kings 6:16).

Gratitude - Day 8

1. I am grateful for Andrew. He makes my life better in multiple ways including talking with me for hours, challenging me (in good ways) to be a better person, making me laugh constantly, and treating me exceptionally well.

2. I am grateful for Relief Society. I struggled with Relief Society when I first came to school and worked for a while to change my attitude. I have discovered that even when we go over time, even when people make random or non-doctrine type comments, or even when the teacher only reads the manual that I am uplifted just for attending. Relief Society is an inspired organization that is beneficial to all women in the LDS Church.

3. I am grateful for waffles. I love waffles! My mom spoiled me growing up by making the best waffles. Her secret ingredient was cream; something I didn't know until I was much older and quite addicted. Waffles always make everything better.

Simple Surprises

One of my mom's goals in life is to surprise me but unfortunately has failed in most of her attempts. She tried to surprise me with getting contacts early (my eye doctor wanted me to wait until I was 16), replacing the carpet in the basement, visiting me for my birthday while I was living in Phoenix, and so forth. Each of these were thwarted. Because of unique circumstances, I knew about the contacts before we drove up to the eye doctor so my reaction was not what she had hoped for. I happened to see the new carpet scheduled on her calendar and then proceeded to show Annette. Once again, not the reaction she wanted. The birthday visit actually would have happened if she hadn't broken her hip. We were both disappointed. My mom was able to pull off one surprise, though I almost ruined this one too. I was flying home from Austin, and my sister Suzy and her family, who were living in California at the time, greeted me off the airplane (that was the day you could go beyond security). Having Spencer run up and hug me as I came off the plane was priceless. It isn't that I don't like surprises. I just don't like the limelight associated with them. Many people thrive on the big elaborate productions that come with surprises, but for me I am overwhelmed with the attention and actually become a bit self-conscious. However, I love the simple surprises. Quiet unassuming actions mean more to me than any grand elaborate event. Simple, sweet, and sincere. Thanks for making my day.

Too Late

Can I tell you what I hate? I hate timing. It is the worst! It never seems to be on my side. I'm not going to elaborate on what is bothering me at this moment because who knows if that bothersome will actually stumble onto this blog. All I will say is something I said would never happen has happened...to me. But the timing gods are against me! I am probably 1 1/2 years too late on this one. Curse the timing in my life. Arg! Oh well. I guess this is where patience and faith come into play.