Tribute to Kannagi

History is a witness of many women who were known for their patience and endurance.
I am not sure whether men can endure so much for a relationship or they were so generous enough or lazy or what ever, so as to not to record their feelings. Another aspect to this is although feelings are same for a man and woman, the way they express is entirely different.Very few writers write about the pain of Rama effectively when he sends Sita back to forest again.

Starting from Sita to Damayanthi, Sumathi to Draupadi, pages of history is filled with gutsy women.

One such woman was Kannagi, who is the central character in one of the most widely acclaimed Tamil novel, epic (?) “Manimekalai” (A story related to a bangle). Kannagi is a daughter of very rich father and married to Kovalan, again a rich man, who is in love with a famous dancer of the city Madhavi (Not sure whether Madhavi is the name of dancer or the daughter of Kovalan and dancer). Kannagi doesn’t get any thing out of their marriage except the loney nights and agony filled days.

Kovalan comes back to Kannagi after may be after 10 years when he runs out of money and the relatives of dancer throw him out of their house. During these ten years, Kannagi will sit at the entrance of her door every day and waits for her husband. A housemaid says what are you waiting for? Kannagi replies, “For a glimpse of my husband”. (“Har raat jaage hum, yeh soch kar ki kabhi to hamari mohabbat aapko hamaare pass laayegi”—from movie Gaban)

After 10 years when her husband returns they go to a city Madurai (if I am not wrong).
Pandyas will be ruling Madurai then (Again believing my memory). Kannagi gives her bangle to Kovalan asks him to sell that and start some business.

When Kovalan takes the bangle to a gold smith, there is some thing else in store for him.
Gold smith had misplaced /stolen queen’s bangle which has the same make as that of Kannagi and Kovalan is being held responsible for that.

King gives death sentence to Kovalan for this crime, Kannagi enters the court then and asks King on what basis did he punish her husband. He says it’s an expensive bangle, which had some pearls in it, and she replies her bangle has diamonds in it and if it’s really her bangle then the King is at wrong for punishing Kovalan. Kannagi says if she is right and true then the whole city will be destroyed for doing this mistake.

Kannagi throws the bangle on the steps and diamonds spread over from that. (I still remember that picture of a woman with loose hair and anger in her eyes, challenging the King). It goes with out saying that her words about the city come true.

I remember a small book from “Bharatha Bharathi Sampada” (a government publications), which my aunty had got from her school and the cover of a beautiful lady on it. Since then I have searched for a detailed version of the story, but it’s a vain attempt so far. May be I was in 4th standard then and this remains my most favorite love story till date.

Epics like this are salute to the patience, affection, trust, love and all the feelings of a human being, which makes the life more beautiful.

I have thought imagined the story many times but never narrated it to any one.
It gives me immense pleasure to narrate this, since narrating it means remembering the days when I read a book a day, ‘Ajji’’s (grandma’s) place near railways station, magnanimous sky to watch and delicacies from ‘Ajji’ to eat J

“Tum se pehle duvaa karte, thak te nahin the haath,
tumhaare baad to yeh haal hain, ki voh bhi de te nahin saath”

Foutain Head

At last completed Foutain Head this week end.

"She meets him after a few months. They just start the conversation."
The next sentence of Ayn Rand is, they didn't greet each other with 'Hello'.
You don't greet your self!

That's why Fountain Head is a classic.

Too meri zindagi hain................

“Mere haath mein tera haath ho,
Sari Jannate mere saath ho,
Tu jo paas hain,
Phir kya yeh jahaan”

When I heard these lines I thought, who else, but only Gulzaar can write these lines, but I was wrong it was Rang de Basanti guy, Prasoon Joshi!

Some of the other lines which express the same mood,

“Taayi tande ella neene yaake bere nantu,
saaku ella serigala meero ninna preeti gantu”

“Nuvve naaku lokam”

There are innumerable lines with the same feelings.
Every one of us will have or would have met at least one person for whom, we relate to these lines. (If you have met more than one, either you have a very big heart love many or you are very lucky). But the question here is how many of us can hold onto that person and that feeling?

"Aap ki yaadon ke ujaale chod jaayiye,
Na jaane zindagi ki kis gali mein shaam ho jaaye!"

Neelu

I saw her going away for the second time. Or may be I don’t even remember the count.
We have separated our ways knowingly or unknowingly many times and every time life has taken us to a juncture where we met again,May be all this, has made me realize some things about the relationships, in general.

We will have some relationships in life, which will never expect any thing from you, you need to do absolutely nothing to maintain them and whenever you are in crisis they are the first one you can count on.

Hope life will again take us to a juncture where we meet again.

All said and done, I realize, there is a void created in Bangalore after her departure.

“Bheed mein bhi thi tanhai
yaad harpal teri aayi,
Waqt who bhi ajeeb tha
Jab tu mere kareeb tha.”

Some how this stanza from a song makes me think of her.

Happy B'day

It's one year since I started this blog (May 16th).
Frankly speaking it has not decreased my burden a great deal, as my diary used to.
The reason might be that I am writing this blog in English and I need to search for my words and sentences.

What ever it is this space has certainly helped me in some way and I am grateful for that. I remember the day when I started writing a blog, sitting in a corner bay I just went on recording what ever I felt. I was new to this place also and was trying to adjust. Today I am old enough to this place and also this space.

One year has been a roller-coaster ride. Many downs and very few ups.
If every thing had went well today would have been the starting of a new life for me, but nothing went right. Some how I am not feeling bad for loosing that life. May be I knew that it's not going to work out.

Max is one of the persons I respect in terms of work and he appreciated my work. It was one of the good things.

Hope life will take some better path in future.

"Woh chup rahe to mere dil ke daag jal te hain,
Jo baat karle to bhujte charag jalte hain"

I am humming this song for what ever reason.

Keladi Kanmani

I feel relationships in which silence speaks more than words is one of the most wonderful things on this earth.

I vividly remember watching 'Keladi Kanmani' and 'Kouravar' with my brother.
I couldn't understand a single word nor could I remember the names properly when I watched them for the first time. But still I was very much impressed by them.

After that I have watched both the movies umpteen number of times and every time I have thought about them at least for few hours.

One of my 'sisters' at Convent used to tell me "Child, a relationship is never an opportunity, it's always a responsibility". I could never understand the meaning then.

Both the movies 'Keladi Kanmani' and 'Kouravar' use very less words when it comes to expressing intense emotions.Characters don't say "I love you" very often in these movies but they accept the responsibilities of a relationship, a father going away from his love, a lady going away from love for a child to whom she is not related to,a lover accepting the responsibility of bringing back his father in law's estranged friend,a Police man accepting the responsibilities of a child whose father is a criminal.....And so on.

Today I understand my sister's words. Hope I will be able to execute them.

All these thoughts passed thro' as I was talking about "Keladi Kanmani" with Shiva and we celebrated Mother's day yesterday.

Thoughts provoked by an upbeat song........

Some people say that the pain which the Love gives is Sweet.
I am not sure whether it's sweet or not but I am sure no one in this world will ever forget the Love and loved ones. Even if they are not there with them.
The memories, the pain, the happiness or any feeling will always come out in the form of tears.

I generally don't listen to upbeat songs. Today I just listened to 2 lines of a song it goes : "Judaa hoke bhi
Tu mujh mein kahin baaki hain,
Banke aasoon too chalee
Aati hain".
These lines gave raise to the above thought and the following lines.

"Judaai ka koi gham nahin
Banke aasoon aap mujh mein base ho kahin,
Lekin kya karen kambhakt
Aason bhi aakon mein bahut der tikte nahin"

On a lighter note, I think I should start listening to upbeat songs seriously :).

Dream

What can I write?
That even after loosing everything I still dream of beautiful tomorrow?
Some times I really get frustrated with my attitude, I always think some thing nice will happen soon which is never true. If I could just cry or feel frustrated like others may be I would have come out of it very soon.
Now I am used to this kind of life where every thing is there in dreams and nothing in real.
I don't want to sound like a pessimist but how long can one survive just on hope?