My Calling.

My love has been in Florida this week

and i miss him.

but i'd much rather be at home doing what i do

cuz he's sitting in conference all day long.

which brings me to this picture. some texts from yesterday.

go ahead. enjoy the craziness.

 that's my everyday.

envy the poop in the tub

or the adorable girl with the chopped bangs.

all of which resulted in me sanitizing the bath toys, the tub,

and vacuuming up hair that didn't need to be. 

that precious white hair.

(and yes, I'm aware hair grows back. I have it. lots of it.)

NONE of that was on the TO-DO list for the day!

BUT that's my every day. 

Always things to do...places to go...people to call and serve. The list goes on. 

AND ON.

BUT I have a calling far greater than any of that right now.

And that's to

the little ones that are in my home.

I turn a lot of social opportunities down because of this.
Don't get me wrong...I do stuff! Plenty.
 AND I also provide my kids with plenty social opportunities,
BUT if i schedule too much or try to make it to every little thing that comes my way...
that special time is taken away!
 My time to sit down and really pray with my kids,
to share scripture stories,
and to show them pictures of Jesus
and tell them about how much He loves them
IS GONE.
AND forget about sitting down with them to pretend play with princesses
 or to really look into their beautiful eyes
and study their soul (which I LOVE to do);
IT'S ALL TAKEN AWAY.
All because I'm rushing around trying to find socks and lost shoes
to get us out the door by such and such time to get to ________ (you fill in the blank).
I honestly and truly love being at home.
These days will soon be gone. And it's starting to sink-in.

THIS is one of my favorite quotes right now.

Perfectly stated.

I know you want to PIN it on PINTEREST.

So here's the link.

OR

You can read the talk that it came from...

CHILDREN by Neil L. Anderson

I am grateful for tender mercies that come when needed.

The other night was a special one for me.

It had been a LONG day--Evan's first day away.

But I felt strength beyond my own while taking care of my littles.

I fed them dinner early and we took our time getting ready for bed.

We read stories for an HOUR.

Needless to say...I was tired. I had given my all and much more to my kids.

When it came time to actually going to bed, Brampton started to get emotional and rubbing his eyes. He rubs his eyes a lot when he gets sad.

ANYWAYS

He went to get a drink of water from downstairs and

when he returned, he had tears running down his cheeks.

He asked me to say a prayer that he might not be sad that his dad was gone
and that he would be able to sleep.

And he wanted me to pray immediately!

I was touched. My little boy, who's about to be baptized, KNOWS that he can pray to his Heavenly Father at anytime and his prayer will be heard AND answered. 

As a mother, THAT was truly priceless. 

He understands what we have been teaching.

Not only that, but he's acting in FAITH.

As he and I knelt in prayer by his bed, I will never forget the sobs I heard coming from Brampton. 

And then as I finished praying, the huge tears coming down his cheeks. 

I wanted to take all his pain away.
BUT
that's the point of this mortal life, to be tried and tested.
WHICH
makes me all the more grateful for the gift of prayer.

I am grateful to have a loving Heavenly Father and Savior, Jesus Christ.
And because of The Atonement, Brampton's heartache could be taken away.

AND that night, our prayer was answered immediately! 

All his sadness was replaced by the Spirit ...and laughter as noted in the picture above.
And that was just what this mom needed, tho I did not know it at the time.
Tender mercies are real.
AND
Miracles happen every day.
(No worries Brampton, you have already given me my Mother's Day gift!)

The TWINS are THREE.

THREE. Can it really be...? My chunky babies are now three!! They are no longer referred to as "the girlies". They each have their own little personality and opinions and have moved on to much more fitting names,

Paypay & Deedee

Nicknames are pretty common in the Payzant family. It's just what we do. I suppose we just like to get creative with the ones we love. And it makes perfect sense that my own children now do it with one another. My nickname as a child was Lala. My dad still calls me lala at the age of 31. And I LOVE IT. It's a way of expressing our love and unites us.

Anyways...paypay. That was started by me...somehow, one day. It actually started as Pay and went to PeiWei but that was weird to me. So then I doubled it up...PAYPAY. It seemed to be perfect for her. Deedee was started by Paypay. She came up with that on her own. Obviously Brooklynn is too hard for a little girl with a speech delay to pronounce. So, Deedee it is! And it goes perfectly with Paypay. And they have both stuck! We no longer call them Payton and Brooklynn really, unless they do something really, really NAUGHTY.

 Their birthday was pretty low-key. As are most holidays and birthdays around our house. We have learned to be flexible and accommodating with dad's doctor schedule. We always celebrate as a family (sometime), but usually days later when dad is home and well rested.

Which brings me back to THEIR birthday. It was low-key because well I'm a single parent most of the time (at least when Evan is on his trauma rotation) and when you're a single mom, doing everything, going none stop for days...weeks...months...and even years at a time...you just can't do it all.
That being said, I tried to make it different from the norm in little ways.

The girls woke-up to balloons tied to their beds! The boys and I actually tip-toed into their room early so that we could witness their reaction. Priceless, I tell you!

 Pure joy and happiness written all over those sweet, sleepy faces!

We sang happy birthday to them A LOT that day. Their reaction: lots and lots of giggling.

The girls being goofs. Monkey see, monkey do. Always.

Enjoying their favorite breakfast on their special day: maple pancakes with syrup and whipped cream on top.

Opening presents in pajamas. Sounds good to me!

To make them feel special and loved, I pampered them by painting all 20 toenails and 20 fingernails! Which is something that doesn't happen as often as they would like, because it is NO easy task. But fingernail polish we did. And we fancied them up with the curling iron. Throw on a ballerina shirt and skirt...and these two little girls were in their own personal birthday heaven.

And because of all the fancy-ing, we had to take some 3 year old pictures to document.

Trying to take pictures of these two together is a joke! 

Happy 3rd birthday to my little princesses!!

I LOVE YOU GIRLS. ALWAYS HAVE...EVEN BEFORE I MET YOU HERE ON THIS EARTH. THANK YOU FOR BLESSING MY EVERY DAY.

.....

Look at that good-looking bunch! They are my loves and my greatest treasures on this earth. The awesome thing is...I get to take them all to Heaven with me! What we've got...money can't buy! 

Days that have since passed

It's amazing what a picture can do to your memory and senses.

I look at this and immediately have fond memories. But I can also smell the spit-up that covered my shirt. Believe it or not, I sometimes wish I could go back to this time of our family's life...just to hold my babies a bit longer, to kiss their cheeks and to smell the tops of their heads. I do love babies! Looking at this picture, I remember this night very well... Evan had come home from school, ate a quick dinner and rushed out the door to Mutual. He was Young Men's President at the time. Nights were always difficult then. Everyone was always fussy and needed to be loved. Such a task is difficult for one person to fill especially after doing it all day long. BUT like it or not, that night I was left to tend to everyone's needs on my own. There was no normal routine that night. As one can imagine. Cardston fell asleep on the floor under my legs while I fed the girls. Brampton was almost there. And the girls were finally drunk on milk and ready for a few hours of sleep. I remember stepping back to document this crazy time and thinking ...I did it! I can do this all by myself! It wasn't perfect. But that's ok. We're all alive and well.
Every day was a new challenge and each passing day was an accomplishment.

BUT I also feel the anxiety that came with that season of my life...

Days of four little kids all under 5.

With little/no sleep.

Days where the boys were so patient with me as I nursed pretty much ALL.DAY.LONG.

Days where my boys watched lots of shows b/c I only had two arms...and those were full.

Days of loving two babies.

Days and nights of nursing two babies at once.

Days of two crying babies by myself with two rowdy boys.

Days of wearing big t-shirts and smelling like spit-up.

Days of no showers.

Days of a messy house.

Days of LOADS and LOADS of laundry.

Days of soda in my fridge and lots of breast milk in my freezer.

Days of a few tears shed here and there by me.

Since days are gone. They have left scars on parts of my body and my heart.

I know that in the next life, I will visit these days often. Because they were my favorite!

These were GREAT days.

They were never easy.

BUT I was doing what I love most and that made it all worth it.

One thing is for sure...I know that there were unseen angels that were by my side daily. I felt their presence. And I know that one of them was my grandmother-Ellen Peterson. I have felt her near me many times since her passing in 2009. I am ever so grateful for those who minister to us during times of need from the other side. 

I want my family to know that I am thankful for the opportunity to be a mother...though some days would suggest otherwise. I AM. It's all I can think about most days.

In life all must choose at times. Sometimes,

two possibilities are good; neither is evil.

Usually, however, one is of greater import than

the other. When in doubt, each must choose

that which concerns the good of others--the

greater law--rather than that which chiefly

benefits ourselves--the lesser law. The greater

must be chosen whether it be law or thing. -John A. Widtsoe

As a mother, I am striving to choose the greater law--my family.

I am thankful for the family Evan and I have been blessed with.

I am grateful for blessing it is to hold them, to see them, to smell them and to hear what they say.

They are my greatest treasures.

And always will be.

These were and are the best days!!

Great days...that continue TO BE every day that I am with them!

What she loves...

Oh Payton. I love you.

I love your sweet personality.

I love your quirkiness.

I love your attitude.

I love the sound of your voice.
I love the things you say.

 I love watching you.
I love how you pretend and always have something going on in your head.

You are one creative girl and it shows!

I however, really don't like how you change 30 times a day!

You have me cleaning more messes and doing more laundry than I need to. 

But since I'm your mom and I love you, I'll continue to have a messy house and do more laundry.

mugga mugga sweet girl!

His Super Duper Big Problem

My first baby is growing up. Big time! He's about to turn 8.

This boy has taught me so much about being a mom!

  He's no longer the cute "little dude" fascinated in Barry the Bee and Disney's Cars

He's now a handsome 2nd grader! And full of so much life...he can hardly contain himself! Which brings me to the point of this blog entry...HIS super duper big problem.

I'm obviously not the only one that thinks this boy is handsome. 

Brampton came running out of school the other day. I could tell he was anxious about something. He said he has a super duper big problem (all out of breath)! After I loaded everyone into the car, he began to fill me in on the problem. Supposedly, there's this girl in his class that is smitten by his toothless grin. She wrote in her journal that she wants to marry Brampton and have babies with him. 

When he told me this I thought...WHAT?? ON?? EARTH?? She's in flippin' 2nd grade. She's thinking about babies already?? Poor Brampton is sickened by the fact that she likes him. She chases him and tries to kiss him...which has him all nervous. He doesn't like girls in that way. He doesn't want to kiss anyone. And well...he's just innocent. He's pure...obedient...always seeking to do what's right. He has a spirit of a saint! He sees things as they are. Everything is black and white to him. He reads the Book of Mormon all on his own doing because he wants to. Talk about an awesome example! She-sh!

I wrote THIS ENTRY years ago. And I've found myself reading it...and re-reading it as of late. I've been pondering on the fact that THE moment has finally come. And it's for his own good. As a mother...THIS IS IMPORTANT to me!

Just For Fun: The Carwash

Finding Joy in My Everyday Mom Moments.

Let me start off by saying...that I may have broken a law by snapping this picture in the carpool lane...? But let's hope not!

THIS right here is a favorite of mine! ...watching my boys walk into school. I love taking the boys to school and dropping them off for the day. I am so thankful that I am able to be a stay-at-home mom and to treasure these little moments!!

I LOVE...

*waking the boys up

*hearing them ask me what day it is and if they have to go to school

*watching them walk downstairs with their favorite animals under their arms

*seeing them sit at the table not quite awake but patiently waiting for their breakfast

*fixing them breakfast

*Cardston asking me not to watch him eat

*packing their snacks

*telling them they need to be done eating and to start getting dressed

*putting the toothpaste on their toothbrushes

*getting their clothes ready and laid out for them to put on

*telling them over and over to hurry up

*telling Cardston again and again to get dressed

*telling Cardston to brush his teeth

*telling Cardston to get his shoes on

*telling Cardston to get his backpack on

*praying with them 

*loading into the car in a hurry

*sharing scriptures on the 5 minute drive to school (they're currently being quizzed on "If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God..." James 1:5)

*Cardston saying Mom and then showing me the sign for "I love you" as he exits the car. It's our "thing".

*watching Brampton wait for Cardston to get out of the car

*watching them walk into the school...together. I often wonder what cute little conversations they have as they walk in. 

*how some days Brampton will race down the sidewalk as I drive off...the smile on his face is priceless!! It always fills my heart with joy.

Now, yes...sometimes it is tedious work. Let's be honest...it's the same thing every single day. And it's tiring. The reminding gets old. The rushing to get out the door is both nerve-racking and exhausting. But when I start thinking or feeling this way (ungrateful)...I realize I have become blinded again. I have to remind myself that not every mom is able to do what I do. These moments ARE my mom moments. And I am truly blessed. I love being a mom to Brampton, Cardston, Payton, and Brooklynn. If  I were to die, who would take my place? Who would love and care for my children as I do? If I were to lose any one of my children...I would long with all my heart for these simple moments. To be with them. To take care of them. To be their mom. And with that...I'm working on finding joy in the small everyday moments. 

......

AND ON A SIDE NOTE 

These boys truly are best friends! I love it. I am so thankful that Brampton and Cardston were both sent to our family when they were. I know that they will find strength in one another as they get older and make their own choices. These boys are truly going to "move mountains". I see it in them every day. 

I love you Brampton.

AND

I love you Cardston.

Handmade Valentine Swap 2014

SO...I'm participating in a Valentine card swap! My cousin has been doing this for a few years and I decided to finally join in on the fun this year! Checkout the details...who knows...maybe you'll want to join in on the fun too!

Lifting Burdens: The Atonement of Jesus Christ

Daily Bread: Change