hello from north ogden!

just a real quick post to let you all know that we made it here safe and sound and semi-sane! we are renting a townhome in north ogden. the whole thing happened pretty suddenly, but we are hoping it is all for the best. i am so sad to say goodbye to all my wonderful friends in st george, but so happy that steve got a job and as a bonus we now live close to tiffany and ashlee! i will post more soon, when my house isn't in complete chaos!

Packing.......

Yup. That is about all we have been up to for the last two weeks. It has been really rough being down here without Steve but we are making it and becoming stronger! We have been blessed with amazing friends who have been taking care of us and helping us in any way they can. We are moving this Saturday. We weren't planning on moving until the end of the month but I hate being down here all alone. I am not cut out for single parenting!

 

This is what my living room looked like a few days ago. It is much worse now!



I found this while I was packing the garage. This is the "Jersey" that Logan used to wear to Steve's football games while he was playing for Snow. So cute! Hard to believe he was ever that small!



We also found Steve's high school football helmet. The boys were so adorable trying it on.





Logan in Daddy's helmet.



Sunday on our own

Wish me luck! In about 2 hours I will be attempting to take the boys to church by myself. This ought to be interesting! They are a handful when it is both Steve and me.

Got a few more boxes packed, and about half of the wall decor. My house it a disaster, and I don't see it improving anytime soon. Oh well. All for a reason, right?

neighbors

The hardest part about moving is leaving our friends. We have been so blessed in the short time we have been here to make some really wonderful friends, and I am so sad to leave them. They have been going above and beyond trying to help, and take care of my boys and me while we are so far from Steve. Such a blessing.

We just have one car, and Steve has it with him in Ogden. So I have been worried about things like grocery shopping, and getting to church. Some friends of ours went camping for the weekend and offered to let me use their second car until they get back. They didn't have to do that, they are just ridiculously sweet like that. Another wonderful friend gave me 20-25 great boxes to use, and her packaging tape. She has been such an emotional support to me, I am so sad to not see her everyday.

Man, I am a wreck. Literally tearing up as I sit here writing about how blessed we are. I am so grateful that we have had a chance to know these neighbors of ours, even if it wasn't for nearly long enough.

July 1st

I woke up today feeling a twinge of sadness. Not for how things are. I would be very ungrateful if I wasn't happy with how blessed we are lately. The sadness I felt was for what could have been.

Today would have been our baby's 2nd birthday. Steve and I would likely be starting to have conversations about having a fourth. I was surprised that today snuck up on me. I guess over time the pain has finally started to really fade. I certainly still want more children. I even still get teary eyed when I think/talk about it too much. But I am past the point of crying about it out of the blue. Sometimes it is still hard for me to be excited when yet another person announces their "totally unplanned, got pregnant without even trying" pregnancy, but at least I can be genuinely happy for them now, even if I am still jealous that it isn't me.

I guess that is what it comes down to at this point, for me. I am happy for those who are having babies. Along with that though, I am sad that it isn't me.

I hope at some point we will be there again, but for now I think that it just isn't supposed to be. For whatever reason. And when it is supposed to happen for us, it will. Whether biologically or through adoption, I truly believe we are meant to have more children. Just not right now. Someday.