Kurt Vonnegut explains drama

This is my favorite thing you have ever posted.

I've always thought I was a character in someone else's book. Life never seems all that real to me.

When writing songs all the greats will confirm. You need a ray of hope in your song, a light at the end of the tunnel. Thanks for confirming.

So true. Reality shows are unfortunately popular because they validate the misguided presumption that life is drama.

Derek,

Perhaps you've known this for some time now (before the Vonnegut talk)? Only reason I ask is remembering your comment in the car through PDX that you've never been to a baseball game in your life because you never saw the point.

I loved that. Thanks for the smile this morning. Great post.

- Dan

Thanks for posting this, Derek. Very insightful. One of the best posts on this site!

Scary huh?

Insightful and very true. overreacting to happenings in our lives is the common behavior. A big deal is when someone dies. Much of what we endure is trivial and superficial. As the world evolves we are spoiled and have high expectations to find happiness, but happiness can be found from our most basic needs.

I think Shakespeare put it best - all the worlds a stage and we are but merely players

I have always felt I am on stage of life - there are no rehearsals so make it the best performance you can every single day.

Paul Saunders

I've grown to beleive that people are naturally dramatic :) People are people, and they are everywhere!! ;D

Wild, like the night...so much of what we do is unconscious, it's dangerous.

I think that we have all missed the mark when it comes to the mudane tasks in our lives. Its the common everyday things we do that prepare us for greatness. Some of us spend our lives complaining about scrubbing the floors, buts it's understanding that being a master of the common is what gets us ready to be the king or the princess. King David learned to herd sheep before he killed Goliath and spent a lifetime on the run hiding from King Saul before he ever became King of Isreal. The person who understands the importance of the common task is the person that can someday become great!!! Good one Derek!!

As a singer and performance coach I use this information all the time. Each song is like a little drama of its own. We never sing about "Oh, I just had an ordinary day, met an ordinary guy, and kind of like him." Heck no! It's "this is the GREATEST day of my life and I just met THE ONE!" Or, "I'll never love anyone but you. My life is OVER if you go." The great singers are great story tellers. Drama all day long. Thanks for this Derek. Very inspiring.

awesome

Great post. I do think people get too caught up in the disappointment of not having a fairy-tale life. But that doesn't mean you can't have one, or can't turn the every day into something enjoyable. But you have to do it yourself, you can't wait to be rescued. Enjoy the journey more and stop worrying so much if the prince doesn't come to rescue you.

Mr. Vonnegut makes a good case for just getting over your self. Get over your self and drama disappears. But like he said, we love our drama. dale

It might have been true once upon a time in my life. When I was younger, I longed for the excitement that my future life would bring me. But now that I am older and hopefully wiser I go to great pains to take much of the excitement out of my live and strive for that boring graph above which depicts normality. What one learns, the longer one lives, is that this so-called “normality” only occurs for brief, peaceful periods of your life while reality waits patiently in the wings to kick you in the nads.

Are you posting daily now? I hope so because I've started to really look forward to your emails.

Hi Derek,

I decieded to take the "RED" pill and get out of the Matrix for good... I take joy in minimizing the Drama in my life... I can see so much clearer and can do much more with the extra time and energy....

Great article,
Dennis

This one has blown me away. It's so relevant and right on time in terms of what is happening in my life at the moment. Thanks Derek!

Heh, maybe your life is like that. Where would you graft meeting president Reagan and Neil Young, and where would you plot getting wrongly thown in Jail then being the victim of Identity Theft?

My drama quadrant looks more like the roller coaster at 6 flaggs. However I must admit that the older you get, the more the line flattens out. I guess you learn to ignore drama and not get to excited over the cool stuff, and not to depressed over the bad.

Sounds quite Orwellian doesn't it?

Hey, I just found one glass slipper!

yes yes yes yes yes!!

i think also if we put ourselves in situations that challenge us we don't need to "create" drama....

whereas if we stay in safe, steady environments, we will create drama to fill our need for growth/change.

awesome awesome post... i would love to be in a room with kurt vonnegut + derek sivers at the same time, wow.

MY LIFE IS A DISASTER STORY!

This is awesome. Kurt Vonnegut has always been one of my favorite writers. I love these emails I get from Derek, as a musician, writer, and human being I send you a big thanx

life is positive if you just consider every minute of it as a bonus. I work with a musician who is like that , a pure sunshine everywhere he plays or talks or meet people. IN his teen periods some of his best friends got shot (civil war) . He considers every minute of life ,since then, as a bonus so wants to live it positively; his music and shows are reflecting it .

Just became aware of you and your site yesterday.
I am blown away. More, Please.

But is there hope for my music if I don't need and don't have any drama?
rada

Thanks so much for Vonnegut's story. It's a great reality check!

there's a great book about the universal story, it's called The Seven Basic Plots, - Why we tell stories- by Christopher Booker.

don't believe in Derek Sievers
don't believe in Kurt Vonnegut
laught and be true

Yes, I love this story (has a lot of drama in it, lol) Seriously, great one!

This is an interesting way of looking at the "isn't there more than this?" feeling. But--do you really think it can be attributed to the exposure to big stories like Vonnegut thinks? The way I understand this post, Vonnegut seems to be saying the feeling is conditioned. But maybe some of this feeling is just a natural drive?

right on again Derek...don't know who said it "people are only as happy as they make up their minds to be." no drama, just a little something in their life that keeps them afloat...ok, a ray of hope;-)

I prefer my life to be up and down and backwards and forwards rather than just a steady flat line of nothing. Not that I enjoy the lows :-)- BUT the lows sure do make you appreciate and milk the highs for all they are worth.

I love Vonnegut. He has a way of distilling things down to their essences.

On the other hand, we also live in a society which is increasingly trying to keep everyone on that thin black line in the center--if not by incentive, by force.

(I heard Vonnegut speak in the '80s in Rochester, NY & was maybe 12 feet at most from the podium.)

The late Stephen Jay Gould, who developed the idea of "punctuated equilibrium" in evolutionary theory, might have disagreed with Vonnegut--if no reason other than Gould was far less cynical, and seemed to constantly find wonder in what we might otherwise consider "ordinary things" (even within the deflation of historical stories which become legend which then become social mythology). He might counter that much of our lives may indeed be as Vonnegut describes, but that across the span of life there are exalted moments of height and depth; and that most lives are "punctuated" by these, not a constant roller-coaster ride. But these bright spots define and bring into focus the span of the whole.

Joseph Campbell may also offer a better take on why we look beyond the mundane in human stories to "larger than life." Not because it's a human aberration due to boredom, but because it is core to our essential humanity.

Aldous Huxley also warned us about the "social engineering" prohibition of "tragedy"--to make our lives consistently gray and event-less from birth to death. But that is not our nature.

William Blake said it this way:

"It is right it should be so;
Man was made for joy and woe;
And when this we rightly know,
Thro' the world we safely go.

Joy and woe are woven fine,
A clothing for the soul divine.
Under every grief and pine
Runs a joy with silken twine."

Yes, the events of most of our days are rather ordinary; we should look for "the remarkable" in those where we would otherwise overlook it. But life also can has mountains and valleys, sometimes very high and sometimes very deep. The human challenge comes in those rarer occasions in life where (Blake again) "great things happen when men and mountains meet."

You gotta love Kurt!

Art imitates life. Stories are merely art. There is no drama, just selfish people getting angry that others won't let them live their selfish lives. In other words, let's all stop pretending we're licensed shrinks using information (that's supposed to be liberating) to oppress others.

in a way, it resembles a waveform, doesn't it?

Oh come on!
A big meal has been made of the first two graphs in order to make the "real life" graph seem quite uneventful.
Reality:
People OFTEN have huge ups and downs in their lives that would make these Cinderella type stories seem like a walk in the park.

Except sometimes there is Uncommon Disaster, like your twenty-seven year old son being killed in a motorcycle accident, and then that Real Life graph has a line that dips to Despair and remains there for a very long time, if not forever. And in that situation, you never, ever believe in "happily ever after" again.

This comes at a very useful time in my life. Thank you as always.
Charlie.

Derek, Thank you, you've really struck a note with me....I've been to the bottom (drug addiction) and have pulled myself and my life back from the edge. While hitting rock bottom was the worst part of my life in a strange way it was also the best...It has allowed me to become (or try to) a better person and a better writer and performer. Until you've lost everything you don't know how lucky you really are!! I joke about "being so happy I don't know how to act" but really I do, I'm grateful for everything I have and everything I've done and now that I'm used to climbing..rising above..I'm gonna just keep on going because I know now that life has no limits no boundaries (other than the ones we create for our selves) success is more a function of breaking down the walls we create not the ones others make...

I Love this post!

this is insightful and amusing. been a Vonnegut fan since i first read Cat's Cradle in the mid-70s.

it all comes down to how we INTERPRET the information we experience. without interpretation there can be no meaning, but interpretation is, by its very nature, of our own creation...

It's funny when you simplify it -- But , how true. People want their lives to be more. Like when you meet a hero in real life and he turns out to be an incredible a-hole. His persona was larger than life though. In the end we are just human beings no more no less. Just because you can throw a baseball harder than most or you were born a 6 ft 8" giant made for the "grid iron" or 7 footer for basketball -- doesn't make you better than anyone else. Like the great John Lennon said in a song " you don't take nothin with you but your soul - so think!" I like to talk to people I have never met, before and after shows -- for hours. They'll say -- "wow you sing so good -they are fascinated. I tell them "God gave me a gift it's no big deal." Then I'll say "but what do you do?" People are fun to watch in general. They will eventually find ways to entertain themselves. No - just because you sing or play a mean guitar - it doesn't make anyone better or hipper. That is the illusion that's been created. We are all sewn together by some common thread I believe. Someday we'll know why.... we live till then. Like the book that's been written and stress's " Don't sweat the small things."

So true. If I would truly realize this I might be okay with the life a have, instead of always wanting more, looking for a thrill, not trusting the 'normal' stuff.

Dramatic stories condition us to expect drama in our own lives? Fun idea, but I think that's putting the cart before the horse.

Back in the ancestral environment, day-to-day survival could be pretty dramatic. "Lion ... coming right for us! Run!" "We're running out of animals to hunt and berries to gather. Oh noooo!" "Hey, there's plenty of food in this new place. Yaaaay!"

Now survival pretty much consists of going to work and shopping at the supermarket. Between the legitimate dramatic events -- births, deaths, major life transitions -- the landscape is fairly flat.

Maybe our psyche manufactures drama out of insignificant events the way immune systems in a too-sterile environment develop allergic reactions.

Derek, this is one of your best. Nice to see you on track. Thanks for helping us move the train along.
Steve

Well, these things do happen to people in countries like Cambodia, Burma, Iraq etc., etc...

I've seen this in one of his later books, an anthology or collection of some sort I think. Good old Kurt, I think Bluebeard is my fave book of his. I always felt he was telling the same story over and over, not that I minded because it was a good story. I guess if we'd seen what he and others had during WW2 maybe we'd feel the same about our little dramas 'in the grand scheme of things'.
I've had this discussion before with various friends of mine; film fans, readers and musos, about the idea of storytelling (in whatever form) as an escape and a couple of people above (Maye Cavallaro & Dale LeRoy Perry) have touched on the basic points already. One thing that always comes up is what are we escaping from to enjoy these stories so much? Is it that 'reality' or 'normality' is just disappointing? How have our expectations got so high that being in the here and now is just not enough for some people? We can never get a definitive answer of course.
Ah me, so it goes.......as the great man said ;)

people have drama because, who would they be without it???

maybe vonnegut experienced life as a flat line... but i just haven't found that to be true in my own experience.

Beyond the ups and downs of relationships, $$, etc. exists a subtle inner joy which is always present and which can be felt whenever one makes the time/ space to experience it.

& I agree with commentator #48:

"It is right it should be so;
Man was made for joy and woe;
And when this we rightly know,
Thro' the world we safely go.


Joy and woe are woven fine,
A clothing for the soul divine.
Under every grief and pine
Runs a joy with silken twine."

That's a great graph. The hero's journey graph by Joseph Campbell is interesting, too. Good templates for story writing.

But for your life? Some people want to live faerie tales; some don't. Some people HAVE actual drama; some people MAKE drama.

With all due respect to Kurt (who is a wonderful writer), this is a swing and a miss of an idea.

What we want out of life are tangible sign posts along the way of our life's journey, not drama. We want moments of sublime importance to usher us into our next life phase. Drama is a poor man's substitute that doesn't quite fit the bill.

Plus - I think many of us have had too much drama in our lives and that doesn't make our lives any more like a fairy tale. It certainly doesn't fill any void either.

What we are genetically (physiogenically that is) predisposed to needing are the "magical moments of threshold crossing". Or, to use a more universal term, rites of passage.

The drama is a substitute for the fact that the predominant religion of the 20th Century and beyond (that would be Science), has stripped us of those all-important rites of passage that our psyches have relied upon for hundreds of thousands of generations, leaving us adrift is a sea of primordial subconsciousness desperately looking for signposts.

A great read is "The Hero With A Thousand Faces," by Joseph Campbell. Joe builds upon the work of Carl Jung and expands it to a point of relevance within not just the the macrocosmos of total human existence but to the microcosmos of a single life.

First things first, Mr. Vonnegut, and his ilk that seem to be disappearing more quickly than the polar ice caps, will be sorely missed and without replacement in our ADD society. The fast track to that "Cinderella" story now is to offer up your soul to the gods of Reality TV, where you can have all of the tragedy and drama you can handle, and if you survive the myriad of humiliations the "writers" have cooked up for you and your fellow specimens under the microscope of the inquiring American mind, you too can one day hope to attend parties with Kato Kaelin, the newest mother of two sets of conjoined octuplets, and Fabio. With any luck, Ashlee Simpson will be performing!

I'm awaiting arrival of the "My Dinner with Andre Action Figures."

You wanna see my arc, maybe thats why I don't need to follow football or start fights down at the pub. All peaceful here in the valley for the time being.

Great post Derek

This arc idea could be a very interesting way to access music pieces. Being a rank amateur myself, I'm not sure which parameters one would use. In motown you could look at things like #voices. There's the solo and the backup. Over the course of the song this changes. I bet there's only a couple of patterns for this in the standard motown hits. Checking out Lead Zeppelin one could probably look at orchestration. Even punk rock will have patterns that permeate the various songs. Trick is identifying which parameters make sense to chart.
Would be interested to see what a real song writer/musician can do with this type of tool

I clicked my heels together three times to get this advice - thanks!!!

Speaking of Drama, a dramatist called Jean Genet wrote:
"Be careful when you are jumping around that you don't jump into reality"
People apparently have a need for misery entertainment and joy.
As every newspaper knows across the world, misery coupled with joy sells.

Some people actually live the Cinderella life. Dramatic ups and downs.

Bloody hurts too when you fall, but great when you get back up again and win.

Best to try to keep winning and avoid the falls, lol

And we all lived happly ever after!!

My line is pretty flat. If an issue comes along, I am the type that just puts my head down and works through it. The older I get I see less drama. Except for the patrons that come to my club. Everyday is something new for them. Maybe they have soo much that the little in my life seems a bit boreing.

I can't peak for anyone else but my life so far HAS been like a drama-filled roller coaster.

I actually cherish the times I get to spend at or near the emotional median.

I think its true that most people's lives are lived out this way and that they seek out entertainment and cause themselves problems to imagine fantasies they cannot live. But in my case I am truly living a fantasy. I moved to a suburb of Buenos Aires three months ago and am the only American for miles, or should I say kilometers.

Some of us live in misery and write songs of ecstasy.

And some of us bake cupcakes. #iccbd
International Cupcake Baking Day - Sept. 5th, 2009.

Just for the sheer silliness and fun of it.

I disagree with Vonnegut - I think he just has something against drama.

Since the beginning of story telling, mankind has been conditioned to believe that life has to be a series of ups and downs and our modern entertainment, religion, government, sports, military, etc. continues to force this upon us as a preoccupation. We need to realize how to accept a utopian existence where our intelligence finds solutions. We should not be wholly obssessed with looking for and creating problems as propaganda dictates. Satanists and Christians and all other religions are all the same with their constant worshipping of good and evil. It is primitive superstition and mass stupidity.

I think this a good analogy, but not convinced of the cause and effect...that exposure to literary story telling induces drama in our lives.

I think biggest contributor to the pursuit of drama is the story telling part of our ego that naturally leads down this path, and that literary stories simply mirror our own natural inner stories.

It is our ability to detach ourselves from our own stories that brings relief from the natural pursuit of drama.

Have you noticed that people who come up with these weird and wonderful (and often extremely pretentious) theories, usually have names like some kind of mad scientist?

As any decent Psychiatrist will attest, the last graph titled “real life” is how our peaks and valleys should look. Unfortunately there are many people that suffer lives that mirror the “Cinderella” graph. The pharmaceutical industry has made a fortune off of this. I know, because I was once married to someone that lived the red line that swung wildly. :) My creedo: NO DRAMA!

Maybe parts of middle class Western society seem to be in a bit of a flatline during a quiet spell, but look at the wars, famines, massacres; or on a more personal scale, bereavements, repossessions, abuse, job losses. I personally knew four people who were murdered over a ten-year period in one English community (and I knew one of their murderers); all the while I had my album out on CDBaby and life seemed pretty 'normal' - except that it wasn't and rarely is. Not one of Kurt's best for me, brilliant writer though he was.

Hi Derek, that is so true. I personally try and live a none drama life but it's not easy, that's for sure.
Check out my video's, no drama, just funny stuff, if you need a good laugh.
www.youtube.com/guitarBeeny

This post is right on!

Sometimes, we add drama in our lives to just to feel more "alive". What a strange thing.

When I had an opiate habit, life was a roller coaster. Felt anywhere from decent to great when I had dope, and like I was dying and in hell when I didn't. Now that the habit is 5 years behind me, I'm back to my normal state, which is usually somewhere between depressed and okay. There are some bright spots, but it's hard to hold on to the happy feeling. But now I don't have times in my life when I'm sick and miserable because of withdrawal; hope to never go through that again. Just wish I felt better more of the time.

IS THAT ALL THERE IS?
Peggy Lee


I remember when I was a very little girl, our house caught on fire.
I'll never forget the look on my father's face as he gathered me up
in his arms and raced through the burning building out to the pavement.
I stood there shivering in my pajamas and watched the whole world go up in flames.
And when it was all over I said to myself, "Is that all there is to a fire"


Is that all there is, is that all there is
If that's all there is my friends, then let's keep dancing
Let's break out the booze and have a ball
If that's all there is


And when I was 12 years old, my father took me to a circus, the greatest show on earth.
There were clowns and elephants and dancing bears.
And a beautiful lady in pink tights flew high above our heads.
And so I sat there watching the marvelous spectacle.
I had the feeling that something was missing.
I don't know what, but when it was over,
I said to myself, "is that all there is to a circus?


Is that all there is, is that all there is
If that's all there is my friends, then let's keep dancing
Let's break out the booze and have a ball
If that's all there is


Then I fell in love, head over heels in love, with the most wonderful boy in the world.
We would take long walks by the river or just sit for hours gazing into each others eyes.
We were so very much in love.
Then one day he went away and I thought I'd die, but I didn't,
and when I didn't I said to myself, "is that all there is to love?"


Is that all there is, is that all there is
If that's all there is my friends, then let's keep dancing


I know what you must be saying to yourselves,
if that's the way she feels about it why doesn't she just end it all?
Oh, no, not me. I'm in no hurry for that final disappointment,
for I know just as well as I'm standing here talking to you,
when that final moment comes and I'm breathing my lst breath, I'll be saying to myself


Is that all there is, is that all there is
If that's all there is my friends, then let's keep dancing
Let's break out the booze and have a ball
If that's all there is

And so it goes ...

I like these kind of visualizing stories, as a great means to illustrate a certain point of view. Nevertheless I tend to disagree with the conclusion that we are all great pretenders. I think what people are looking for in any kind of personal drama they create for themselves (be it of the ecstasy or the agony kind) is the emotion attached to the situation.

And emotionally many of those "little stories" are absolutely big, significant and real to the person who creates them.

Someone seems to have a judgment on the stories that justify strong emotions...

so it goes!

Oh darn! I suppose next you'll tell us to create music because it is personally satisfying. I want to be rich and famous!!

Totally disagree with the idea of the "blah" life line. Most people have had very interesting lives, running the gamut from misery to extreme happiness, and would tell you so if you took the trouble to ask. The truth is that each person is responsible for creating his or her own wonderful reality, and there is no limit to what you can accomplish, once you decide exactly what it is you want to do!

It's not as common as Kurt made out. The clue is in the people, not the stories: some people have a high need for emotional drama; others, less.

Those with the "drama queen" gene either fill that need deliberately (e.g. career in firefighting, volunteering for suicide hotline) or else subconsciously sabotage their lives to create drama (e.g. spoiling relationships, missing deadlines).

Those without the "drama queen" gene just treat Kurt's stories as escapism; they don't expect (or want) their lives to be like that.

Well-written songs which have been arranged and played with thoughtful dynamic texturing have a plot that can take many shapes...they all go through ups and downs - dramatic ups and downs. In my years as a songwriter, recording artist and performer, I have found that people respond to this in much the same way as they do the drama in fictional stories. The only difference is that their response is more immediate and more intense because of the power of the music, itself. Daily life is sometimes lacking and we all want something to fill us or thrill us...it just feels good.

Right! The next musical I write's gonna start with a graph!

Dramatic or peaceful, my personal reality is a fiction of my own making. Stories are all I've got.

The more conscious I become of this and the things that go along with this awareness, the more fun and exciting life gets.

This is different than being addicted to drama and personally, I think it's the way to go.

That was in one of his books. He was one of the greatest minds of American literature, a later-day Mark Twain.

I've drawn that graph myself. When I've tried to graph someone's life, they usually insist that there's some off-the-scale ecstasy point, like when they got married or found Jesus or had a baby or something. Just goes to show ya.

Very interesting.
What about other not so ordinary lives, eg Michael Jackson, what would his red line look like?
What do illicit drugs do to the red line???
Is our perception of our own red line necessarily accurate?
If you own a great guitar, and are enjoying a red line above ordinary because of the experience of owning it, but you happen to play a better, more expensive, temporarily unaffordable guitar, although circumstances haven't changed, the red line seems to plummet???
Can our attitudes raise the line in our lives simply through acceptance and making the best of what we have???
I have experienced a lifting of depression by giving up something I love (music) for a period of time.
?relevance?

Very cool, I love vonnegut. But...ya didn't bring it round, make a lesson out of it, ya could highlight that those little ups and downs are really quite dramatic, and to cherish those things, you could have tied it to music, and how many popular country songs tell stories about those little ups and downs and how great they really are, and how they really are better than fantasy....missed oportunity, or did you just want to mess with us?
I try to keep my little posts nice and succinct, for easy reading. One point per post. I liked how his point stood on its own. — Derek

Oh one other thing meant to say to address KV's point directly: I think people seek drama because they fear the idea of boredom. Only the talented authors over time have been able to write the lasting stories - which never would have lasted if they were boring or as mediocre as most people choose to live. Action is one of the great keys to life - not drama for dramas sake. The action a hero takes when deeply moved is not just some empty drama. It comes from the heart. We need great stories to remind us how to take action from this powerful place because most of us don't know how to do that - so we long to witness it and we envy it when we become too distanced from ourselves. Transformation is also a big part of the action in good stories. We are inspired when we are reminded that we too can transform ourselves to act according to our truest desires.

So it goes.

Love Kurt Vonnegut & miss him a lot.

One point... considering the amplitude of the graph & that relativity thing. Our daily grind might not offer the alpine highs & lows of a Cinderalla story, but from where we sit, it's all we have. Consequently, if we want, things can look pretty abysmal - or fabulous, from here.

During my salty sailing days, when we were bitching about one thing or another, I used to delight in commenting that "worse things happen at sea."

I agree, this is your best post!Now Im curious to see what the graphics applied to my songs songs can reveal.

exactly...we're all SOLD the notion that our life is a fairy tale..
so since it isnt my best thing to do is MAKE MOUNTAINS out those little bumps on the radar and remember them in my new book coming called "flourishing in obscurity" i tell alot of "littel bump" stories hoping others can relate(i have done some fun and some odd things that were never expected- those are the gems there are people out there waiting for "a certain magical someone" who will make their life happy..happiness comes in short bursts... the gaol is to remember them so youll be able to recognise them instead of looking in the distancein the distance for the BIG one....

I made my way to Union Square years ago to see Vonnegut signing his last novel. Unfortunately by the time we arrived the event was full and we had to make do knowing he was just upstairs and purchasing pre-signed copies of the book.

As a film writer, as well as musician, I've learned the art of believable exaggeration, because people don't want reality but it must be plausible. I think this further confuses the issue and may be why I prefer all-out fantasy and off-the-wall humour that doesn't even attempt believability.

It's this need for drama and faerie tale (good or bad) that has put me in a difficult position as the someone very close has decided to fill their personal void with intense drama rather than comfortable happiness.

Yes. Its called real life. When you sit around and talk to your friends about whats happening in their lives, you would be surprised what other people have gone thru or are going thru. Appreciate the great moments that you get and try to get through the bad ones, but either way,get back up and get back on the road. I am reading Kurts Jailbird. He reminds me of your really cool uncle who spins these great tales and even when he goes off on another tale in the middle of the one he's telling, you don't care because the stories are so good.

Great post, Derek. It's particularly funny to me that those people who claim to "hate drama" are the biggest drama queens walking among us. They thrive on that high and cannot stand a calm peace in their lives. Rush junkies, one and all, but I guess that makes us humans.

I heard God created humans because he loves a good story. I will add He created songwriters to tell the story. ~ Cindy

Nice post, thanks for sharing! My "real life" is pretty dull, same old day-to-day stuff. However, my son was just deployed to Iraq, and I've made a point of writing him a short e-mail every day to keep him "in touch" with home. In trying to make the mail fun to read, I've discovered that the day-to-day things that go on around here can be pretty entertaining! He called to thank me for all the "crazy letters" that made him laugh aloud. One man's boredom is another's drama, I guess...

We all feed on drama i guess.
Some even feed on misery,and some on flyin high above lifes realitys.
I think all this DRAMA is what makes the world colorful (if you will),Dee Meese

Reply to No. 24, Dale LeRoy Perry (2009-09-01) #28
Hey, I just found one glass slipper!

Was it half full, or half empty?

:)

my website is still under construction. Not much to see yet. more info coming soon. My thoughts on this piece; you are so right Derek. Everyone has something going on in their life. Sometimes it really is drama, but most times it's just blown out of proportion. I like everyone else had what I thought was drama, and it was to some degree. At least it would make a good movie(in my mind). However, when I started hearing other people's drama I decided my drama wasn't as
dramatic as I thought. If we all had lives like the stories we see we'd all be together in a looney bin. At least half of us. So my philosophy now is just to do what I have to do, keep the majority of my so-called drama to myself, wait til something really fantastic happens, savor that enjoyment for the split seconds you feel it and move on.

Drama feeds creativity.
Calmness gives perspective.
The union of the highs and lows is very introspective.

Derek,
I've been considering the lure of the greek gods and godesses lately. These are, of course, archetypes which is alot like this idea of people seeking dramatic events. They may, unconsciously be seeking something outside themselves - something greater than themselves - something larger than life - in the dramatic experience, - the god or godess within - the divine spark. Carl Jung and others have pointed to this search for the divine in all of us.

Thanks for sharing this interesting idea. Food for thought...

Betsy Grant

I always thought organized sports was a replacement for feudalism.

Um...whoops. "People think their lives should be like this." Really Kurt? Or do you really mean "STUPID people think their lives should be like this". Whoops. It's a broad assumption that people want their lives to be a certain way because of the effects of performed or read drama. This point of view says that if we see,hear or read a bunch of drama with big story arcs, we'll all be unhappy. We're drawn to sports because of Cinderella?

I submit that we are drawn to drama because it is LIFE AFFIRMING, not life altering. Sorry Kurt, but your ego just got in the way.

it's true ...poeple are some time the product of their place of their child hood ...my case from a rich family in haiti ..comming to america was our parents dream..now i found it ..relatively..good but can i go talk sing about philosophy...like we do ..in this world a few are lucky to have intelligence to respect ..great minds like the story ...are writing a book soon ..

I'm not sure what all the huffing and puffing is about regarding a few generalized curves,but I've always wanted and still do want excitement and adventure in my life.So I've adopted Teddy Roosevelts philosohpy of living."Far greater it is to win glorious battles even though checked with defeat than to take rank with those poor spirits that live in that grey twilight that knows not victory or defeat."
Island Frank

Thanks for posting this. I was never aware of this talk by Vonnegut, but enjoy his understated and quite humorous explanation of why we think we need "story arc" lives. I wonder if John Cook knows that satirists rarely call other people stupid because that would defeat the purpose of crafty understatement. Besides, as a voracious Vonnegut reader, I'm pretty sure he includes himself in the category of "people who think their lives should be like this." I really miss him.

We all do feel the ache to the hero of our own story - but that drive isn't simply manufactured. The problem with Cinderella's story is not that she encourages us to desire drama - but that her life was both grand and tragic while she was more or less passive. Asking ourselves if there is more to life is the start of an exciting existential journey - accepting the flatline means you never actually live. Accepting the flatline also means you'll never be able to empathise with others whose lives are more tragic or dramatic than yours. To have a grand life on your own terms, you have to be active, assertive - you have to look for it. I don't mean you should manufacture squabbles, I mean you should ask yourself why you are here, what you are worth, and what you should do with your life - because it's over pretty quickly, and if you have a moment to reflect before you die, you'll be pretty upset if it was just a flatline.

I am amazed that with every helpful post you offer, there is at least one guy who comments telling you how you should have done it differently. Isn't it obvious you are doing all of this to help others. It's a free service you provide to help people get more out of their lives; who does that? I know I grow creatively and personally from exposure to your posts, and that is an amazing gift. Thank you sincerely.
I like the critical comments a lot. They help me see a different point of view that I hadn't considered, or help me see where I haven't explained something well enough, so it was misunderstood. — Derek

One can never go wrong with Vonnegut! Have you read the posthumous book put out by his son?

This one is WAY off. Vonnegut misses the point of the stories entirely. Those stories are MYTHOLOGICAL, they are guideposts on our own journey through life. The characters are archetypes; they represent different aspects of our own psyche.

Joseph Campbell's work boiled it down to the Hero's Journey. The hero (central figure) separates from the ordinary world and encounters various characters and circumstances. Midway through the journey he descends into Hell where the hard shell of his ego is broken when he comes to the realization that "...he and his enemy are not of differing species, but one flesh." Anybody who has embarked upon their own personal hero's journey knows this is the most difficult threshold to pass.

America, and much of the industrialized world, has lost its mythology. STAR WARS is just about the only work of popular culture that is seeped in mythology. I strongly suggest to you and your readers Mary Henderson's book STAR WARS: THE MAGIC OF MYTH where she compares the story line of the original trilogy to Campbell's outline of the Hero's Journey. It's an easy read and a good introduction to the subject. Then read Joseph Campbell's HERO WITH A THOUSAND FACES.

Vonnegut has made the same mistake as so many others, he has misread poetry as prose. The popular ending in America of "they lived happily ever after" has been severely overblown. There are different myths for different stages in a person's life. Our bastardized popular culture has embraced only that of youth and provided a false idea that once you make some little accomplishment all your challenges are over. For that I refer you the tale of the Indra which Campbell tells so eloquently in THE POWER OF MYTH. Watch that DVD.

The problem is not the stories, it's our misunderstanding of them. Turn off the TV and read a book. We need new myths. Our lives our supposed to be filed with a certain amount, and a certain type of drama. The Darwinists with their explanations of dopamine also fail to see the larger picture. They want to reduce every human experience to simple mechanics and deny people their SUBJECTIVE EXPERIENCE.

I'm very disappointed that someone who was once a musician and later pioneered so much in the industry would embrace such a mechanistic view. If you ever get through the books I recommended you might also want to dust off a copy of Kahlil Gibran's THE PROPHET.

I've always liked Siddhartha.The Prophet and Moby Dick.I suppose many follow some of the above, but there are many of us who just live, swim with sharks, ride big waves and raise children.

I just finished my 26 chapter novel. It's definitely Cinderella with a major twist...complete with the happy ending!

Also just finished my comedic/autobiographical single. It's definitely 'Shockerella' with a major twist...complete with the happy ending. LOL - Need I say more?

I dunno about that "real life" chart.. I tend to like to ride up high there on the ecstasy side..not all middley and boring... and never ever tragic... reality be damned! :)

This is exactly right. Thanks for sharing it.

All the worlds a stage...to an audience of one and he can be very critical.

for a new theory of gravity to tantalise your imagination

I get his point in regards to stories versus reality but I think some people actually lead lives with big arcs. There are amazing things out there, you can really experience huge ups.(with a capital H) It is also possible to run into life damaging events easily so I guess most people lead different lives than what I see. If people read a biography of mine they would tell the story a thousand years from now. Har ahrhar harhar harha har ahr har!!!

Ah, now I see why I'm such a drama queen...

Good one.

Sorry Derek but i will have to DISAGREE with you on this one. As that most peoples lives are closer to Cinderella's chart than that so called Real Life chart.

For example:

most people have seen people die in there lives that they have grown accustomed to.

Some might have lost there jobs.

Others have had an unpleasant childhood/unplanned pregnancy that would cause their life to start out as Cinderella but because of this they are more appreciated to the simpler things in life as they grow up and when even for a short period of time that things go there way like:dream job/ideal partner or something else that makes there life's feel completed there life suddenly becomes a fairy tale. Sounds a lot like Cinderella,doesn't it? OK,Maybe it doesn't end up the happily ever after but thats life!

The other thing is how that person deals with the obstacles that occur in there life and if they see them as being a good thing or a bad thing.Like i know someone who was in an accident and badly injured so as a result he ended up having to live back at home for a short period of time. before the accident he was like high all the time and even he admitted that if he had not practically crippled himself he would now be dead. while another one of my friends thinks that the most insignificant obstacle is a life-threatening ordeal.Thats one chart that i do NOT wanna see.

Keeping one's grin right above that line in between misery and ecstasy is alright by me. I personally don't need to dip below the line to feel even better on the up and I don't care for all the Soap type BS of the dragger downers trying to make their lives interesting by playing games with with mine.

I think my life is pretty dramatic. Everytime I write a new song or finish a great recording the line spikes at the top! Granted no one else gives a rates ass but I don't care what they think! Plus I don't bottom out all that often...

row row row your boat
gently down the stream
merrily merrily merrily merrily
life is but a dream

sorry kurt

I believe from my own experience and that of others with a similar life philosophy that if one concentrates on creating value and happiness for everyone including oneself, that life will become more dramatic - more ups and downs, somethimes intense but always managagable and the best thing - you've decided to learn how not to suffer so there is an average increase in happiness and inner strength. Most people don't realise what potential they have, so they choose undramatic lives through fear of change. Hence the last graph. My question is, what can we do in every moment to encourage people to lead big lives, where we grow ourselves as a result, fulfill our dreams etc.? The world would be a far better place. The choice is ours.

In show biz (incl. lit), vicarious experience is all

This is a wonderful post. Thanks. I will add this. All of these classic stories are expressions of fundamental archetypes of human conditions of consciousness. Carl Jung formulated these classic stores, such as the hero, the lovers, the conquerors, etc., and postulated that the stories represent the journeys our individualities take on their path to potential fulfillment. Thus, even though most of us don't actually experience the direct drama of the manifestation of the archetype, some part of us is going through a dynamic process of evolution that is truly and clearly equal to even the most majestic and dramatic story plots. Imagine the real story: An eternal, self-evolving being is manifested into corporeal reality, remembering almost nothing of past or future lives, experiences material reality according to a sensory apparatus that primarily allows credibility to 3, maybe 4 dimensions of a much larger contimuum into which he is incarnated. Over and over, through countless lifetimes of such incarnation he passes, gathering Karma, dispelling Karma, making profound personal discoveries regarding love, hate, greed, anger, passon, etc. And during most of these incarnation, up until the last few before enlightenment, he is mostly unaware of the larger scenario of his own condition. Looked at from this perspective, everyday events take on a larger dramatic value. But this in no way distracts from K.V.'s insightful and thought provoking comments.

Hell Yeah

Ups and Downs...
I don't think Kurt was a musician....

week one Warner Brothers offers to purchass a song for a major movie.

Week 2 Warner Brothers passes as it has found a more sutable cut.

Week 3 On the Bill with Deep Purple to perform a Major Concert.

Week 4 Deep Purple cancells.

Week 5 Triumph is now the headliner.

Week 6 off the bill for some more deservimg act.

Week 7 are you getting the point yet?

This is no cinderella story...lol
But keep your head up maybe someday the sun will shine again...

Plotted out in the way KV has done here, my personal "drama chart" resemble an alpine skyline! (But germane in incorporating these personal peaks and valleys into believable, grab-your-ass-and-come-along-for-the-ride fiction.) Thanks,Derek, for a new bookmark.

C

"Who is John Galt?"

My experience is influenced by the description that I give it!
What can I notice or learn today that will empower me?
How best can I share it with others?

Every breath is a miracle!

In jamaica we said "IREE" nice!

Golly, you just discovered Todorov.

Derek i like Kurt,he must be a very interesting fellow. Thankyou for the post.I like what Jim Gibson says of the greats...Songwriters take note.The 18th century writer L.W.DELAURENCE on life says "QUOTE" The meaning of life is to express more life but,more life can only be expressed by the fulfilment of desire."UNQUOTE" Keep writing those songs
Pete.

Help I'm looking for a girl that stood me up. If anyone finds her the name is Cinderella.
Signed
The prince

Interesting though in addition to being a big Vonnegut admirer, I'm also a fan of Raymond Carver and enjoy his stories tremendously and I don't feel that the stories necessarily follow either arc described.

I understand the Ecstasy/Misery index but I think there are other ways to tell a story that are of interest. I also don't know that I agree with the idea that the prior to the dramatic story lives were not filled with drama. I don't think the idea to make ones life dramatic comes from a story, but instead it seems that it would come more from a person's individual make-up.

Its an interesting way to bring up a debate on the influences of environment and genetics. Personally I generally feel most things are the result of a bit of both but actually in this case it seems its more biologically heavy than environmentally influenced. To simplify - I know people who are dramatic and those who are not. They all know Cinderella. Most share common environments but for one reason or another have differing levels of need in seeking or avoiding drama.

A bit rambling I know... but its the internet... if it was concise and well thought out it wouldn't belong here... I guess what I'm saying is that on a surface level, its true that those are typical forms for plotting a story, but I don't think people react as they do or create drama in an attempt to make their lives more like Oliver Twist.

Very insightful and leave it to Vonnugut to have made such a great point. Obvious some refinement and mileage varies, but the general point does drive home.

I'd agree that life imitates the movies to an extent, but Vonnegut's theory speaks more to those who go into the cinema and weep over fictitious characters yet are able to ignore real life drama all around them. They don't really "care", but like to pretend they do.

I agree with Shane that most people's lives are touched by drama. Every writer has their own perspective, and where they stand depends on where they sit. Ionesco is quite different to Vonnegut yet has more in common with Moliere or Sheridan in that they seek to lay bare aspects of society they feel "refect the grimness of our own pretensions".

I think many people like drama in stories because we identify with the characters to greater and lesser extents. People who develop a Cinderella complex have missed the point of the story: Cinderella had strength of character in a world where a girl couldn't take off on her own, go to university, and become a lawyer.(How many poor, abused girls today manage that? Not a majority.) She kept her values intact and persevered and did not despair, do crack or cut her throat. When an opportunity to get out arose, she took it and did not say, "Oh there's no point I might as well stay home, and the sisters don't want me to go anyway." She believed herself equal among men/women and went to the ball though she was constantly being told she had no value. Old story but plenty of girls today out there despair , do crack, and cut their throats.

A dramatic conflict can set an ideal for people to be inspired by and learn from, which is why Zappa and Genet feel they have to shock people out of their complacency. They know people will take Cinderella too literally so they dont give people something that will get turned into a warm dark cave "in which we may huddle with our fellows, beating on the drums that drown out the howling of the hyenas of the surrounding darkness".

perhaps that is why Andy Warhol made such long boring movies

Ha! I want the flat line type of life and no matter how hard I consciously try, I can't achieve it. But I have to admit, those ups are great!

Ma-ma-my life is a luxury, so filled with hate
I got fifty slaves heaping maggots on my plate.
From my fortress in Antarctica I watch the world die
On my Sony Trinitron that's switched to channel 5.

-GWAR Salaminizer.

gotta go with John Cook,(#145) KV even personalized his way too lineal drama lines. It's one's own interpretation, like the elephant in the room. Whether you live on emotional peaks or in valleys of desperation you are still "Man Without A Country"

But I want a story. We all probably do create drama but its probably just to get by because meager ups and downs . . . they make you wonder why you're even here and everyone wants to matter. Having an impressive life story means you mattered a little bit. Admitting that your life is just like everyone else's is enough to make you wanna jump off a bridge even if it is true and completely normal.

Apparently Kurt Vonnegut used this graphing of plot lines ideas for various purposes. I saw Kurt speak in the 1980s, and he used the graphing of plot lines in that speech as well. Although then, as in Man Without A Country, he was offering "advice" to budding writers. He didn't mention, at the time, anything about "real life". The third graph, the near straight line, referred to Shakespeare's Hamlet.

I have used this and some of Kurt's other advice to try and help budding writers in my own classroom. I still believe his best advice, to "real writers" comes from his essay, Teaching the Unteachable, "Nothing is known about helping real writers to write better. I have discovered almost nothing about it during the past two years. I now make to my successor at Iowa a gift of the one rule that seemed to work for me: Leave real writers alone." Not very helpful for an classroom teacher, but perhaps true nonetheless. At the talk I attended, however, he gave me something better with which to work. According to Kurt, at the time, there are two rules to writing. First, you have to have something to say. Second, say it.

Derek, this post was so perfect I had to mention it in my post on why I value time more than money.

It's true: people want something other than a normal life. I'm not sure anyone gets how massive swings affect one's life until you experience one.

or maybe we write the books because we crave drama.

vonnegut is the best!

Good thing he didn't draw a soap opera, it would have taken a lot of boards :)

I don't start fights. It's always the other guy's fault.

I don't like spelling and grammar errors, especially when it is as simple as our instead of are...

Maybe this is why I can't stand watching golf on TV.

I also wonder how this ties into Christian dogma and living the supposed "Christian life." What would Christians be if they didn't have disasters to sacrifice for (or create an enemy from)?

I remember the first time I saw Casablanca. I was riveted the whole time. I couldn't take my eyes off Ilsa (Ingrid Bergman), and Sam (Humphrey Bogart) was the man I wanted to be.

When it was over, I was so filled with what the movie was about and how it spoke to me on so many levels. I couldn't stop thinking about it, couldn't stop talking about it. It was deep inside me. Not a day went by where I didn't think about it and what it meant to me and what it taught me.

Every person I came in contact with I had to tell them about this movie and what it had done to me. It literally changed me...not only for what it said but how it said it.

That's how I feel about Derek's "Kurt Vonnegut Explains Drama"

Good post Derek,

Personally I write my songs from the far reaches on my inner mind, I try and see how my life has thus far been played out and I see how others I know or have known have played out in my own minds eye. Reality songs with a twist are my favorite to write.

My life has been more interesting to others then to myself. It's hard to see your own life from the inside looking out.

Dramatic songs sell, love songs sell,fantasy songs sell. Real life songs sell, but the most interesting songs I've ever heard were the psychedelic type songs such as what Roger Waters and John Lennon have written over the years.

Maybe one day we'll accurately be able to view our own lives from the inside looking out.

That would be a trip!

Thanks Derek.

~Mark~

Bravo for braving the dark side. This is the never-spoken-about taboo that essentially underlies all in our culture. Yet it's never been popularly recognized for the ADDICTION that it truly is. And like any addiction, it's a pathology that invariably takes its toll not only on the drama perpetrator but all those around the drama. And Vonnegut? Now he's speakin' my language.
Thanks

Vonnegut is amazing and I'm so jealous that you got to experience him live and I didn't. Great insight!

To get Vonnegut's direct rendition of this (rather than a very nice, albeit secondhand synopsis) pick up a copy of Vonnegut's "A Man Without A Country," ©2005, Seven Stories Press. Cheers!

Yes! Sharon. We do have our moments of profundity. The spikes in the last graph could go a lot higher. Even the periods of normalcy can be and are spiked with bliss.

I think people live for confrontation. I think people love these stories because they can live vicariously through them.

The story arc works because we need to believe in a happy ending or else humans will have no hope. With no hope what's left?

The problem is people miss the point. The journey. People want the happily ever after but they don't know what it is. Happiness is the journey.

If you have succeded, you will get bored and you need another journey. We are never satisfied. We always want more.

Cinderella gets the prince... Now what. It dosen't end til you're dead.

People have the mis guided thought that the prize is the goal reached. It's not.

hmmm....But where do the fairy tales come from?

I like how life gets better with time in the "reality" grid. It's true.

When I sing my songs
I let a cartoon cowboy named
''Mr. True'',
do the narrating for me.
L A M M Y

Actually this concept is part of the 'Breakfast of champions'

Buncha boloni. Stories are stories, to lift your spirits and drift you away in a wonderful situation for a little while. Whoever thinks that is what life is supposed to be like? Only those who has no idea how miserable life can be and used to be and still is in parts of the world where luxuries of modern civilization doesn't exist. Which even includes what we call 'basic human rights'!

Dear Derek, you just explained in few words the reasons why human being complains of what he reaches. I don't think fiction has to be blamed for that. We always want more and more but never look around. It's human. And this makes sense, of course, to do storytelling. Thanks, it's great!!

The belief our Prince will come keeps us all going though!

He spoke at my college. Please buy my CDs!

Completely amazing!!! Kurt was such a genius. I love how he takes life, adds a bit of slapstick humor and yet still pulls out life. He will sorely be missed.

Well, actually I think my life is a series of all three story arcs - cinderella, common disaster, and real life, alternating sort of randomly. And I agree that during the real life parts it is hard not to yearn for the more dramatic parts!

In my case, I've searched around the Maunawili Trail for my brother Tim who disappeared in 1995, we never found him but nevertheless it was the "common disaster" story arc.

I met and married my soul mate at age 33, which felt like the cinderella story arc, and still does!

Then my sister Maud drowned in a rafting accident, which felt like another "common disaster" arc.

Just before that, I had a good run with my group Water Bear performing in upstate NY to rave acclaim - that again felt like "cinderella"... on and on...

The drama doesn't "end", that is the difference between real life and the stories, at least until I "shed this mortal coil"...
--Mer

i think he knows my girlfriends family........drama queens

Interesting theory of drama... drawn straight from the infundibulum. And so on...

Persprctives. Nice and real. Thanks,Derek.

ah, how i miss vonnegut's voice in this wilderness . . .

Your post has got me thinking. I'm a quiet person who generally comes across as being quite laid back HOWEVER I'm always creating drama in my mind. My life is so dramatic in my world, and if it's not there, I will create it. In my mind. I couldn't imagine it any other way. It's like I need it.

derek.

that. what you said.

i just heard alain de botton speak to something like this on ted.com ( bit.ly/thG3c ).

self help wasn't it or it would've worked.lol

i don't know, in regards to myself, if the issue of drama is a big deal to me. everyone has their ups and downs. it seems to rise the closer we come to truth in ourselves.

i try to focus on projecting non-drama in life, pouring it into my music instead...

...allowing others' drama to be technicolor. if they need it to be...

thank you as always. for going where you go and reporting back. your experience is invaluable to me.

stefan

Congratulations. You have posted the explanation of why those of us who have unusually dramatic lives feel like freaks compared to the rest of the population.*

Tell me about everything. The third thing Mr. Vonnegut spoke about at that lecture in NY.

Speak for yourself...

While it is possibly true that many people experience "real Life" as some minor ups and down, that has NOT been my experience...

I guess mine has been a fairy tale.

I've experienced real romance, and real tragedy. Its the real deal baby! You want to live life like the movies...then get off your butt and live it!

gf parents don't like you? Elope Like I did. Want to travel the world? Do it. Like I did. Want to live in another country? Go there... Like I did!

Fairy tales have a role in our society. Like all things, everything is a tool, it is up to you to overcome your fear and live the dream that resides in your heart.

I really like his interpretation/perspective. My experience has been that the amount of drama we choose or have in our own lives is influenced from birth, the kind of family system we grow up in as well as genetic dispositions. In other words we choose our own kind of drama. Some more, some less.

this is exactly why i shove children into wells in small villages and then masquerade as a fishwife.

I love a good disaster. You finally get to meet the neighbors.

So true, So true, i see it all now! Thanks

It's like you are reading my life …

Hardly! Kurt, you are an incredibly boring person. Explains why his stories aren't that interesting.

Brilliant. Vonnegut was one of the true insightful American writers, especially in his opinion and non-fiction pieces. He's dead on with this.

The real question is this: how do we celebrate the "ordinary" life? As Tolstoy is often quoted, "Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." And an interesting story doesn't come easily from a happy family.

We should count our blessings if we're able to live ordinary lives. Thanks for sharing it.

Unless you happen to have drama in your life. My mom got brain cancer when I was nine and could not talk. Died when I was fifteen. I eloped with a musician, he became well known got into drugs, we lost a child we got a divorce. I founded company made a lot of money lost it in the dot.com crash married again he had a stroke...Children do fall down wells, people die. Drama happens some people get more than one share and some people get none.

An interesting read indeed

So…is it better, as a performer, to embrace sprezzatura so that your performances seem effortless despite the many hard hours of practice you put in? Or, is it better to play up the trials and tribulations that got you where you are, playing each complicated riff onstage with visible effort and determination like it might kill you? Therein lies the rub. Seems like both ways work; it's all in the perspective of the viewer/listener. Some like drama; others prefer effortless fluency.

I'll say one thing -- while useful in my musical career, your posts have been most useful in my interpersonal relationships and in learning to relate to other people. (Even to my mom! >;-D ) Always an interesting read!

Bravo to Kurt for saying it
Bravo to you for writing it
I have thought this since I could think rationally but never knew how to say it. A lot of people out there spending all their money and beating their heads against the wall trying to make something happen that never will.

...nice. I'm a high school lit. teacher. I plan on incorporating this into a lesson. Thanks!

Nice. What about those people who think they are destined to be great? Granted they also know tat within their lifetime and after, that recognition would never occur. What about movie stars and people in the lime light. Do they secretly have want for a regular uneventful night/day? Sometimes I think I'm in a drama, or movie or play in certain situations of my life. I know no one will ever have a glimpse of what I perceive, but I take comfort in the "sharing" of that situation. Thanks to Kurt and people like Steve, I can feel even more dismal and fall into the mechanical lament of societal manifestations. Oh, and I am only 26 so I have years of this to endure.

Kurt Vonnegut, Kurt Smonnegut, life is as stimulating or boring as you make it, and then only if your perception is as keen as your imagination.

My question is simple. How can you assume Cinderella lived "happily ever after" by drawing an ongoing, upward sloping line to depict total ecstacy? The story ends after saying that, yet you assume its an ever increasing slope. You also assume "happy" means "total ecstacy" with your drawing. Your perception of "happily ever after" assumes a lot. Could it be true that happy simply means above average? In other words, couldnt happily ever after just mean above baseline?

"My question is simple. How can you assume Cinderella lived "happily ever after" by drawing an ongoing, upward sloping line to depict total ecstacy? The story ends after saying that, yet you assume its an ever increasing slope. You also assume "happy" means "total ecstacy" with your drawing. Your perception of "happily ever after" assumes a lot. Could it be true that happy simply means above average? In other words, couldnt happily ever after just mean above baseline?"

Could be, but that post wasn't about what realistically can or should, or even does, happen after the story ends, it's about the perception that people have of it. I think a line that is either ever-increasing or consistently very high represents that perception well enough.

The third graph is the only one that represents things as they realistically are or would be. The others are about how lives (or fiction, which isn't that different) are perceived.

I wonder to about the relational aspect of all of this.

It seems that folks may also create high drama so that there is opportunity to be in relation with others. I often think this is some sort of survival instinct.

Without knowing that one is accepted or thought on at all, one might cease to exist.

Thoughts?

We are each a bubble soon to break.
Live, Learn, Love.

Is there any empirical data to back up that 3rd graph? :)

Seriously, though, I think there is a basic flaw in this concept which is the fact that the timeline in those drama graphs is very short, while the life one is very long. We all experience dramatic swings up and down at various points in our lives, but over the long haul it really is not sustainable as a way of life. As we get older, the need for stability settles in, if only as a survival instinct. This fact does not remove drama from our lives, it just gives us a little bit of shelter from the emotional impact of it.

oh my...life is so dull i wish i had the buzz in it lol maby i should start to take drugs then get all depressed lol

This is brilliant, and makes so much sense. You can spend so long beating your head against a brick wall wondering why people act the way they do sometimes- I love this.

thats not at all true. drama is just as real and MUCH more common that you intend to imply.

Some of us, in search of our personal Hero story, become firemen, policemen, or paramedics, or join the Coast Guard or the Red Cross.
There are real heroes and fairy tales in our everyday lives, if we just take time to notice them.
And those who really want an interesting life can find it.
The truth is most people don't. Most people want a boring, safe, mundane life, and cling to their illusion of security at any price.

Curt Vonnegut's life is really like this...

Life, to people I've met, at one point goes off like a rocket out of control.

The beauty of well structured stories is, well, the well structuredness of it.

Wouldn't it be nice, if live was like this ...

wow... this post was like one inch of the page....and then about twelve inches worth of comments!! awesome...lol. Props to Kurt V. 4evah

I too have to say, Vonnegut is right to a point. We DO seek drama because of stories. But really, these stories, all renditions of myth and fairy tale exist BECAUSE of the drama found in our lives. All the way back to when one cave man killed another cave man's son with a stick to steal his woman.

My life has equal drama to most stories. Even, if not especially when I don't want it. Sure, it's not magic, cataclysm or high fantasy. You wouldn't see my life on HBO. But the drama is there. The life and deaths, tragedies and ecstatic triumphs.

Anyone who doesn't see the grandeur and fairy tale of his or her own life I think is suffering from something personally; not any kind of metaphysical imperative that says our lives are simply "so-so."

Thanks Derek for this, reading the comments is even better than Vonnegut's theory. For, it is only a theory. Albeit a great one.

slán from Belfast

Thank's for sharing this insightful information on your blog!

I have had a lot of drama in my life, I don't like drama. My family seems to thrive on it. I cut them off. It seems that people get bored with life and will do whatever they can to create the drama that they have in their lives and then they complain about it. I see it all the time, I recognize it for what it is a sick compulsion to create upheaval so one has a reason and right to complain about the very drama they created. I think its called insanity

Kurt where do you think existence and being comes from? How is life NOT fairy tale like (see GK Chesterton's 'The Ethics of Elfland')

Everything else has a purpose why not the imaginative fairytale seeking faculty? Maybe you're being just a little bit too smart by halves. "Unless you become like one of these little ones you cannot enter the Kingdom of God".

Use the imaginative faculty the way it is supposed to be used and you will eventually find the real thing. Peter S. William's 'Cumulative Case for Authenticity' http://www.case.edu.au/images/uploads/03_pdfs/williams-shroud-turin.pdf

Shroud of Turin New Evidence (carbon dating sample was taken from section repaired in the sixteenth century)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Bg9wxYpmv0&feature=related

This is the weirdest most scientifically examined artifact on earth, and it just happens to be about Jesus' Resurrection!

Wake up people the fairytales are supposed to point us to REAL life. Dry practical atheist materialism is the flight from real life.

Kurt has woken up now - I meant Derek.

Some people have a need for drama in their lives. Some people have too much troubled in life and have no need for drama.

I saw Vonnegut give a lecture. He had a notebook full of possible subjects. He would flip through it and choose depending on how he felt that night. The night I saw him, he chose the drama subject. It was fascinating. Just like you describe it here. He jotted on the whiteboard too. And now, Derek wows me with this reference to it. I had to comment. WOW!

I think it often feels like those little jumps and falls are a huge deal because of the lack of change in daily life. It's like how in certain countries along the equator they feel 'cold' when it's 28 degrees, and 'scorching hot!' when it's 32 degrees- they're used to the average. I don't think people pretend to find things a big deal- I think they really think they are a big deal.

Vonnegut had a gift for simple explanations. As my life is already as full of drama as I want it to be, I have no use for anyone who wants to create any more to make their life more interesting. Would it be inappropriate to e-mail this page to them? ;)

I would like to comment on Avalanche Creed's comment and say that Vonnegut did not have nearly so "dismal" and "neurotic" an attitude as this person. I appreciate the comment and differing opinion, but we should check ourselves before we speak out against others.

thanks for your life description...

Good find sir! Much appreciated. Although I must say I hope to find a sudden spike of happiness worth recording in history about someday.

Beautiful. Great for personal perspective, and makes me instantly feel more compassionate towards those with even larger amounts of self-imposed drama than myself.

Sooooooooo, you're saying Cinderella isn't REAL? wtf dude?

it's a sad fact that this kind of information eludes so many of us and takes a 'talk' to bring it to the surface. It gets a little tiring watching people thrive to make a drama out of every moment in their life. Every relationship, every small event is a plague of melodrama and excitement and despair.

love the way this post so clearly says it all!

Vonnegut's life actually WAS more dramatic then most---POW in WW2, survived the firebombing of Dresden, many bestselling books, along with the regular humdrum stuff everyone else goes through.

This is a point I often try to make with my students, but I've never done it this well.

ct

i really love this +linked+

awesome. i know so many people who are out there trying to invent some crazy drama in their lives. i wonder if it's on purpose sometimes!

This rattled around in me a few days and it made me understand better what John saw in Yoko...it was here strength to be herself and work at her art. John perhaps saw himself as drifting or flowing with the popular tide and here was an example of someone who knew how to find herself and be real and then reflect that via valid demonstrations that everyone can understand. Seeing this may have made things much clearer for him and helped him in many ways.

no more fairytale world, Cinderella's free, got a place of her own today,,,,come and go as she please

nice one

How does KV know life is like the first graph? Where did he take the first graph from?

Clearly, the thesis doesn't take into account active parenting!

I love KV as much as the next person but he was an enlightened humorist and they occasionally miss the mark. What it makes him out to be is human, ultimately, like Michael Jordan when he misses a shot; still fun to observe.

Without all the heat of judgment, it can and probably should be boiled down to this: people want to be entertained or distracted so they look to storytellers and their stories. Good and bad stories endure, often arbitrarily. People are addicted to drama in their lives because they are not yet enlightened. And even the enlightened ones have occasional lapses.
Beyond that, judgment fails.
"So it goes."
"Hi ho."

I know some drama queens (not to mention kings) who could benefit from this...

I remember going to see Kurt Vonnegut speak in Newcastle-upon-Tyne in 1984, when I was an undergraduate. He covered some of the same material a quarter of a century ago. But the thing that is missing from this version is the emotional graph of Kafka's 'Metamorphosis' which got a big laugh from the audience.

And a group of us had a great evening in the bar afterwards, buying beers, rolling cigarettes and talking a load of old pony with the man himself.

Great post - thanks for bringing back a shining memory.

I guess you haven't been on tour for a while.

What an absolutely wonderful article! :)
Makes me wonder...

Drama......we all need some sort of drama in our lives to try making ourselves feel better at some point. It makes perfect sense. Very insightful!!!

My girlfriend and I noticed this. This is why "nice guys" finish last in the dating game, why girls prefer an asshole. Very interesting article.

I would write my opinion but i think that greengnome already wrote it very very right. It's kinda unfair if we think that we shouldn't be dramatic about our life. Isn't life the most important thing in our life?

This explains my cousin the pathological liar, whose favorite movie is The Princess Bride. He wants his whole life to be a fairy tale. Indeed, it is, since so few things he says turn out to be true.

Interesting. OK Yes I agree to a point. With growth comes pain in some sort and a situation can end in a fairy tale (growing pains)

True life starts with Christ in the heart. That is no tale. It never ends. His promises are true and concrete. There is only one that never fails to let us down.
Blessings Galore. Check my hubs I hope you will be blessed
skye2day@hubpages

Interesting. OK Yes I agree to a point. With growth comes pain in some sort and a situation can end in a fairy tale (growing pains)

True life starts with Christ in the heart. That is no tale. It never ends. His promises are true and concrete. There is only one that never fails to let us down.
Blessings Galore. Check my hubs I hope you will be blessed
skye2day@hubpages

Fairy tales are like life. We struggle, we sgow-pain, we survive and we have a bit more wisdom.

Fairy tales end.

Life does not. We move on into the light if we have salation and believe in Christ. The story will always be perfect. Not because
I said so because God said so. He is the answer and the light.
Cute reference to life.

Well, I don't know about the rest of you, but MY life IS a fairy tale... ;-)

(great post, thanks for sharing!)

Simple. Profound. Compelling. And the commentary is almost as interesting as the original post. I feel like I've just had an intense conversation with countless intelligent people.

Not bad for a first experience, courtesy StumbleUpon.com. (Talk about something that can change how you educate yourself!)

Very interesting, but...

If your heart is in your dreams,
No request is too extreme.
When you wish upon a star,
As dreamers do...

Fate is kind.
She brings to those who love,
A sweet fullfillment of
Their secret longing.

Like a bolt out of the blue,
Fate steps in and sees you through.
When you wish upon a star,
Your dreams come true.

Hmmm.....how does the "story" of Jesus.....and the belief in the promise of Christianity....graph there?

Same question about being Islamic.

To be sure....they both end up the same! On the upper right side of the graph.
Christians in "heaven" and Islamics where ever they go with their virgins.

I have read this a lot of times and even shared the link to a series of people.

Really cool and really true.

When I saw Vonnegut talk back in the mid 80's, he did a similar chart. Then, at one point, he added another graph to it:
Gregor Samsa has a miserable life (line starts low on ecstasy/misery index). Then, one day, he wakes up and he's a cockroach (line plunges off bottom of graph).

He also related a Native American story, which was a much flatter line, because each event had both positive and negative possibilities.

It made for a compelling talk.
Yeah I left out the Kafka joke because in a short essay I thought it'd distract from the point. — Derek

This is so interesting! Totally makes sense - and explains a number of people / situations in my life. :)

Interesting ideas as to why people go looking for pain. The affirmation of life, by either extreme is surely the point, but improvement is always claimed save for sheer failure. Either way, you need to laugh at the outcome.

Vonnegut is(was) a genius. Always 1 of my favorites, never saw that tho. Thanks for sharing!

I think I know a fair number of people whose lives match the "real life" graph, but who draw the drama so out of proportion they *think* their lives resemble the first two.

Great post, Derek. I appreciate the applicability to real life as well as to stories written. The visual is such a plus and something I'll be linking to so my writing clients and students can learn from Vonnegut's model here. Thank you!

Always enjoy your posts.
All the best,
Debra

Yup. Pretty funny actually.

I actually really appreciate what you wrote, very interesting and touches the surface of reality .. BUT, and it's a big but .. if you limit yourself to this "Realism" you'll never make something out of yourself .. instead of making it a true tale to be talked about .. nothing is impossible hehe ..

wow this is amazing

The human ego, instead of recognising the unity of all living things, sees itself as a separate entity to others. As Eckhart Tolle points out in his book "A New Earth", others are "most other" when they are enemies. To the ego, death is always near – eg: needing to be right in an argument – if you identify with a mental position and are wrong, your mind based sense of self is threatened with annihilation – yr ego feels it’ll die if wrong – this can lead to relationship break ups and even to wars.
When your ego feels threatened, it wants to survive at all cost.
It needs the 'drama' to assert identity as the victorious character within that theatrical production.
Another aspect of emotional pain that is part of the egoic mind is a deep seated sense of lack, of not being whole.
If it’s conscious, it manifests as a feeling of not being worthy.
If unconscious, it’s felt indirectly as an intense craving & needing.

In both cases, people compulsively gratify their ego and identify with things to fill the hole they feel, striving after possessions, money, success, power, recognition or that special relationship so they can feel better about themselves, more complete.

Tolle theorises that all humans possess a "Pain Body" - a semi-autonomous energy made up of past emotional pain.
It has it's own primitive intelligence, directed mainly at survival.
It's food is emotionally painful experiences so it thrives on negative thinking and drama in relationships.
It has an addiction to unhappiness.

So I suspect that long before there were fairytales or stories of high drama, there was already this need in people's lives for drama. TV & Hollywood movies are just throwing petrol on an already blazing fire ;-) ( I realize that this may come across as my ego wanting to be right but I won't be offended if you disagree with all of what I said :-)

This post suck.........It make me want to kill myself.

Hang on a minute. Maybe I will read it again and feel a lot better.

Kurt Vonnegut is now and always has been one of the biggest douche bags in the country.

I fucking love this. You good sir are a genius.

derek@sive.rs, Yes a very good way to network.. Tommy

This is why I almost exclusively read science fiction.

Derek- as usual, great stuff!

Time is the critic and common denominator. If we're uncomfortable within ourselves, we're trapped outside this present moment; hence, the future- pining for what hasn't happened (drama!)- or the past- stuck in reverse (drama!). If we accept and open ourselves to the present moment, there is... drama!

check out: www.upliftingspirits.com

I have the utmost respect for Kurt Vonnegut, but he totally missed the ball.(no pun intended) To compare a story meant for entertaining or to understand the human condition and a person's life are two totally different things.
The second story arc is, yes, commonly used in many stories because it works. It keeps the audience entertained, but to say that people strive to make their lives more dramatic so they can go through the happiness, depression cycle like little Timmy in the well, is absurd.
Life is fucked up and glorious all at the same time.
Try this on for size, little Timmy falls into a well, the whole town struggles and faces obstacles to get Timmy out of the well, and then finally they do, and life returns to stasis. This is the recommended arc that works, which is an adaptation of the "well made play" format. What this implies is that people don't experience what little Timmy and the town went through, that they are exaggerating? Are you fucking kidding me? You think most people don't experience more emotional and fucked up shit than that? I think what Vonnegut means is that the recovery from a normal persons life is easier because there is no storyline to support. What he means to say is that everyday people experience things like I got into a car accident, I lost my job, I got a job, I broke it off with my girlfriend, she broke it off with me can not be compared to the cataclysmic event of Timmy being trapped in a well, because these instances one can easily bounce back.
If you don't know people that have been raped(which is way more drama than little timmy trapped in a fucking well) or, someone awaiting a prison sentencing for a crime they did or did not commit, or someone watching a loved one die slowly right in front of them from a deadly disease, Then my friend you have lived a sheltered life, and haven't experienced much. And there's an infinite amount of extreme happy occasions, like a achieving a long sought after goal, or finding the one that you love. These situations can make or break you forever, in some cases, and in some extreme cases can cause mental illness for most of ones life.
Those two examples from Vonnegut are for entertainment purposes only. They are designed to keep an audience entertained. People only compare their insignificant events to stories because it's meaningless and it's coincidental.
One time I hit a deer and it was dead and lying in the middle of the road, and I walked over to it and as I hovered over it, it felt my presence, got up, and ran off. And I remember thinking, well if I had put it in my car it would have been like that scene in Tommy Boy.
However, my best friend's wife was murdered and he thought about getting revenge, but I know that the last thing that went through our minds were, "hey that's just like Max Payne or the Punisher.

I have studied theatre, Play, and literature for a long time. But to say that a "normal person"(which I don't know what the fuck a normal person is) doesn't deviate from the stasis line is preposterous and ignorant.

And I just stumbled across this and all of you piss me off!!!

the explanation is very vague and non-realisitic,though the idea is rite.We need drama and hope of making it big.In today's world everyone has a chance to make it big.its easier than evr

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The reason we love the drama is because of the hope of ever evasive happy ending...

YES, cool :)

Well chad, what a dick you are..."I have studied theatre..." Grow up and just get it into your intellectually challenged head that we all have opinions and just because yours doesn't agree with his doesn't mean yours has got to be the correct one. Its called "DISCUSSION"! Or would you call that "PREPOSTEROUS"! Look at what everyone else has written on the real topic (and no, its not all about you) and engage a little grey matter on a witty and intelligent comment of your own. I'll speak more slowly for you chad. N-o o-n-e c-a-r-e-s w-h-a-t y-o-u s-a-y.

life is like a storyline

:-)) cool

jackdoors the sheer number as they fly away together left with a deathening sound

wasps
will carry on before they die all
off make sure they are covered
to stop them to die off

sparrow hawks
perfectly small long legs
chase with their feets
grappling hold of there catch they dutch and dive
incredible bird
birds of prey falcon

bbc uk
so many migrating birds fluttering

please help the animals before
they all die off

and leave us

gina

while i recognize mr. vonnegut's genius in his writting ability, this explanation is somewhat short-sighted. He neglects to include nonfictional stories of heroism in history (and note, I do not limit history to the distant past). This explanation would make it seem as though the average life seems worse than it is simply because of imagination and fiction; the truth of the matter is most people are too lazy, stupid, weak, and/or afraid to actually do anything of any worth. Those who do are not so effected by such fairy tales. The real key would be to find something heroic in your own life and stop giving a shit about immortality (i.e. preservation in history via the retelling of your tale)...it sounds like a vonnegut might have let some of his subconscious narcissism out.

I'll take a quiet life
A handshake of carbon monoxide
No alarms and no surprises, please.
Silent.

Hi-ho.

I am a HUGE fan of Kurt Vonnegut and unfortunately never heard him speak live (I was going to the UCLA event and he passed the month prior)-and have read all his books, some over and over.

Thank YOU for sharing this little tidbit from him. Now you have another fan, too!

Love the explanation. Simple, effective, visual and true. Most people are bored to tears with their own lives so they create drama to bring a dramatic effect to their life. If option A is boring and B is drama queen then I vote for option C. Make a positive difference in the lives of others and your life will be very interesting.

Still thinking about this one Derek,
But I like the Joe Campbell line of thought too.
My take on that would be that the hero saga within all of our collective DNA exists, whether or not it is realized in physical life situations, to help us grow into adulthood and eventual wisdom.
That our lives are relatively short is the reason for an apparent lack of frequency of the extremes.
As far as Kurt's theory goes, I think it's not that people expect their lives to be like the stories. But rather that they actually ARE like the stories sometimes and there is a junkie like need to experience that feeling more often than may be natural.

My life really is a fantastic adventure with a great storyline!

There is too much drama and starlust in the world. I prefer to live the simpler life and, as W.Blake articulates so succintly in his verse, I aim:

"To see a world in a grain of sand,
And a heaven in a wild flower, Hold infinity in the palm of (my) hand,
And eternity in an hour."

This is appalingly true.
Poeple always gotta have something to worry about. And if there isn't hey let's make one up!

I have not read through all the squillions of comments here so forgive me if someone has said this already...
Does this concept kind of over look the reality that most people do face some pretty tragic events of challenges in their lives, deaths, cancers, tsunamis, poverty, etc etc.
Perhaps these stories reflect the unavoidable tragedy that exists in human life and the fairy tale part of it is the hope that we will overcome, which many do and become more resilient for it.
...Just an idea

Yes, sadly, the real life graph made me laugh---so depressingly true. That's why it's good to write novels.

One of the earlier comments (#13 by Paul) talked about Shakespeare's idea that all the world's a stage, and Paul said he tries to give the best performance every day. I really like this I idea but I had a thought to add to it: even the actor playing the villain can give a good performance. Don't try and be good, necessarily. Just be the best representation of who you are, and good things will happen

Wow, great post. I never thought of the drama aspect of our lives like that, because honestly, I try to keep drama out of my life as much as I can. Atleast, the pointless gossip drama that always seems to occur.

A professor friend once compared life to driving across the state of Kansas: pretty dull for the most part but with the odd tornado thrown for a periodic burst of sheer terror.

I love everyone who is one this page. and that's drama. my biggest drama here is the face the simple inspiring story degenerated into nothing. am i creating drama by sharing this? Putting down the amazing system of the internet?

THis hit me man. peace

A great post. It's interesting I was trying to explain how my past relationships worked for a friend by showing similar graphs just a day before stumbling upon your post.

I just entered this forum & find it incredibly interesting.
There is drama in every life, % wise is dependent upon how dull or 'normal' the rest of ones' life is...

I think that this was one of the more interesting blogs I read in a while. Fascinating. I think I agree with this, I mean let's face it - most of use would love living in a fairytale.


leoraigarath.deviantart.com

Make sense.
Whatsmore maybe maybe there more to this article than the eye meets

I absolutely love this post not only because it makes intuitive sense, but because there is psychological research to back up the notion that the lower your expectations the happier you'll feel. I spend a lot of my time teaching people how to meditate and the biggest complaint I hear from new meditators goes along the lines that it's boring and they don't want to let go of their ambition or drive.

I guess it takes some time to learn that doing something for the pure joy of doing it and not worrying about whether you are going to make it actually feels a lot better. If you like playing the guitar, then play the guitar but don't worry about whether you will become a rock star (I couldn't help thinking of the formula used for "Behind the Music" when I read this post).

It's actually quite liberating to let go of your need for drama.

I also posted a link to this article on my blog because I think my readers will enjoy it as much as I have (let me know if it's okay that I posted one of your diagrams with the link - if not I'll take it down for you).

I have to start reading more vonnegut, his books are unreal and this must have been an amazingly inspiring talk you went to.

This is true if we graph our entire lives - or perhaps even a year. But we live life each day and the graph within a day might well more closely resemble the fairytale graph, depending on how busy our lives are, or how poorly we interact with others.

Most people live quite dramatic lives - just listen to your neighbours arguing next door and reflect on your own pettiness.

Whether our highs and lows each day are as notable as, say, meeting Mr. Right or being turned back into a pumpkin, is another matter. But daily we seem to think so.

ok then explain that to the starving people in all over the word and tell them that they are the way they are because they try to live in a fantacy world

Interesting... as a side note, how do you feel putting a (C) copyright with your name on something that was said by Kurt Vonnegut?

Great post Derek!

As i move ahead into my fairy tale there was something sobering yet positive about this post... plus i love Kurt Vonnegut ad Derek is totally awesome!

Nice, just the naked truth!

May I point out that if we all accepted life with it's little ups and downs and never experienced drama . . . well, thats BORING. The greatest men in the world and those who have made a difference are those who have had drama.

Winston Churchill was know for great bouts of depression, as was Edison

Most of the great men who signed the Declaration of Independence, experienced great drama in their lives - such as the War for Indepence, losing their fortunes, and some of them, their lives.

Even Infamous People - Al Capone, John Wilkes Booth, Black Beard, etc - experienced great drama in their life.

People long for drama, and to be a character in the stories they love because drama is what gets us up in the morning. If I knew that everyday would be the same, get up, eat, go to work, get off, buy groceries, eat, watch tv, go to bed, I would kill myself and take a chance at the next life having alittle variety. After all it is the spice of life!


But I did like your graphs!

Calm thought.I like it.

I think another reason people need drama in there lives is when they grew up with drama. They often don't realise it, but something seems missing without all the yelling or problems and they tend to invite dramatic people, roller-coaster relationships, and problems into their lives to fill the gap. They get bored in a problem free relationship because they are not used to that. Sometimes people are more comfortable in their "discomfort zone".

How happy you are is dependant on what your norm is. Even the princess will go into a deep depression after her fairy tale life becomes the norm. It's the rock star syndrome, where people who get everything they want no longer appreciate what they have when they run out of new exciting experiences, and so they turn to happy pills or just kill themselves.

everybody gets what they want.

Acho que somos todos seres muito interessantes e que a toda hora ocorrem fatos legais e emocionantes também na vida da pessoa comum e em seu entorno. Precisamos aprender a usufruir da riqueza do nosso próprio mundo, olhando-o com olhos de mais amor e boa vontade. Pois, quando se trata de desatres, para usar os exemplos citados, tudo pode dar errado e o final ser apenas triste e, com sorte, produzindo alguma situação nova de união, quando não de desunião.Quanto aos contos de fadas, são fruto da imaginação de alguém, estão dentro de nossa mente, são então algo como o que temos de real, porém super-dimensionado. Mas ainda assim, nós o temos e poderíamos nos deixar sentir mais aquilo que temos sem ambicionar tanto aquilo de que somos capazes de criar em nossa imaginação.

Ótima analise, adorei! O Jorge Luís Borges tem a seguinte frase: "À força de apiedar-nos das desventuras dos heróis dos romances, terminamos apiedando-nos excessivamente das próprias desventuras". Falei também sobre o assunto em um post do meu blog, se quiser passa por lá dar uma olhada: http://metamorfosepensante.wordpress.com/2009/12/07/porque-comedias-romanticas-sao-perigosas/
Um abraço

why shouldn't we try to make our lives into a fairy tale? Why would anyone not want drama, ups, downs, ecstasy, grief?

Funny the only narrative that no one wants to follow is Harold Pinter's narratives :)

I have been criticized for being a realist my entire life. In fact to me people who are "depressed" are truly people who tend to see through the lie of the illusions people want to paint in life. I like reality I don't like hype and people who like drama really bother me yet it seems more and more people have patterned their lives in this manner.
I sense this goes back to the Victorian period when life was hard and dull and terrible thing happened a lot to "shock" people. They would read books to escape and that book turned into a TV which is not the internet. People had to hide from the grim realities of their lives and this became a habbit. We also got addicted to the Victorian storylines in many ways in which you have pointed out here in what Mr. Vonnegurt said.
And people will seek out poor choices in jobs, relationships, drug addiction, ignoring their children whatever on a large or small scale ( even a small thing like restricting things from people like love) to create a hunger a need in others i.e. drama. It is so much more interesting to NOT address a need than to address one.
I do think, however, this is much deeper than we realize. It has to do with scripting behaviors. While I was working with high functioning autistic children for many years it was labeled "behavioral scripting" a child will instruct a playmate or an adult..." I say this and then you say that". The child will become upset when you do not return the response that they have asked you for many times and has to be taught people have many choices in their behaviors not just one.

I think a story is like the comfort of a mothers arms , a security blanket we know what will happen. That is why many men and women are happy to have a mental affair with a someone who will never speak to them in real life than connect deeply with a real person..fear of loss, the unknown, etc.
People can put the play on in their head and have tons of fun and never have to pose any real risk most prefer it. They need "stories" to motivate their mundane life in fact. They can be their own director in their head.

People choose partners based on the resemblance to family members again with this scripting like behavior in mind. In the "normal" population the scripting is different however it is like casting the members of your own play. A woman who resembles your favorite Aunt or or a husband who plays the guitar like your Grandfather. It is like we are recasting the part because the primary lead is gone and so we need an understudy to do continue the show.
Story lines run the way we dictate relationships, "I do this then you do that" is common and when one person breaks "the rule" is is really a break out of character and is seen as unpredictable therefore as dangerous and rouses anger. All because people want things to fit their idea of how the world should work and therefor how their partner should work. It is why robotic sex partners are portrayed in the future as equal if not better than real partners--predictable in every way... programable.
So not only, like you posed to wonderfully in this post, do people need the story line they also need to the characters as well in their drama.
And as a postscript, If you might ever feel someone doesn't like you for who YOU are you might be onto something actually...

Oh and response to the comment about Churchhill and Blackbeard etc... history probably was not so dramatic when you were there..it is how we write history that is what makes the story of it. In fact after having personally researched many stories of people's lives the inaccurate details of how things are written to "juice things up " are amazing. You have to go back into the real person letters and files written in their own hand to get a better idea of the real situation. Most people writing a book are writing a story even the non fiction ones. Because real life just isn't very interesting many times even with famous figures so things have to be made up or moved around.

Excellent, excellent blog post! I might add that we humans are also hardwired to pay close attention to drama because in our evolutionary environment, any drama we witnessed would almost certainly involve people or events directly connected to us. And we are, I believe, so fascinated by the stories you so succinctly summarize because we experience the rush without the risk, like riding a roller coaster allows us to experience the thrill of rapid, jarring movement that to our ancestors would have meant death or severe injury. Similarly, we can enjoy the drama of a movie or TV show without worrying about it affect us in reality.

A mi me parece que con ese criterio nos tenemos que matar todos.
Yo no creo que todos queramos que nuestra vida sea un cuento de hadas, de hecho, muchos adultos ya ni se acuerdan que son los cuentos de hadas.
Creo en la victimización y en el miedo, pero eso es distinto y recae en otros aspectos.
Pero valoro tu punto.

شكرا الهمتني لفكره عمل برزينتيشن

It is very intersting))

The person who understands the importance of the common task is the person that can someday become great!Some of us spend our lives complaining about scrubbing the floors, buts it's understanding that being a master of the common is what gets us ready to be the king or the princess.

Never looked at life drawn and illustrated out so clearly..This is great stuff and thanks Derek!

I agree. This is the best thing you have ever posted, Derek.

Damn! I fell down the Well and the town still hasn't noticed!

This so depressing... But it is the truth. There's no escaping it. I've never really thought that life is nothing but another part of humanity. One ends, another begins. A constant cycle. And we're all part of it.

Kurt Vonnegut used to go to Writers Guild meetings in his pajamas and bathrobe...and he's giving ME advice on drama in life?
What he really taught was don't invent a drama you can't handle.
It's always worked for me.

Love this post. I'm gonna be pretty busy reading all this stuff. Derek, you are my new hero.

Kevin Ward

I've read this post many times. The problem is that I truely do lead a very dramatic life and nobody believes me! Not the life of Cinderella....don't want that life anyway. But somehow, drama seeks me out and I never seem to be able to avoid it!

Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water.
After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water.
Can't remember the author of this book, but it doesn't mean being dispassionate about the life you live. Just responding within a healthy continuum that doesn't get all dramatically out of whack, about events that usually don't merit such responses....There are the times when life is more than a glitch, and there is temporary crisis... but these are rare... most is just adjusting to the currents of life, and maintaining equilibrium....

very true. my life is LIKEE a fairytale. people expect everything to work out all the time because of past fables. make your own fable then life will be great!!

I'm one of those people that pretends there is drama when there is none.

But somehow I convince a few readers with a few adjectives (and the lure of a great beer) that it is important and dramatic!

And for now, that's good enough for me.

oh, my gosh... I've never thought of it that way, but it's so true!

they use this same diagram to explain why people use drugs

Where would we be if we didn't inject a little drama in our lives, be it real or imagined?

that is what people worried about after the Guttenberg printing press - that people won't be satisfied anymore with real life. but if you hear a child laugh (or make anyone laugh), or go for a hike in a beautiful place, or caress your loved one...you'll see that life is quite satisfying

I think there is some denial going on here. Where are death and illness on these time lines?

Imo people have a roller coaster ride in life and look for some guidance and a way to forget the ups and downs of life with fiction.

99.99999% of the People are just plain ordinary. Occasionally one is born that has extra ordinary potential. IF they happen into a situation where they can call on that potential, and save the day or what ever, someone tells the story and if it gets told enough someone will eventually write it down. Of course embellishments are a natural part of the evolution of a Hero and the creation of a myth.

the graphs showing drama and disaster are incomplete.If drawn further they end up the same as the graph of every day life.The town/village is at a higher level initially,but that rise becomes, over time, the new norm.Even "happily ever after" is not actually "ever after".That was only thought of in the days before sequels.
You may actually now visualize those highs and lows as just a magnified look at the smaller bumps of the supposedly "typical" graph of life.We all have real drama in our lives.People we know die,lose jobs,fight in wars.The dragons each of us are charged to slay are real to us.
That is not to say that we do not sometimes seek"drama" outside of the flow of normal life.I remember when I was younger actually saying to someone that my life had become dull and that I was going to make an unwise decision just to "add some drama" to my life.I succeeded.It turned out to be dramatic not only in my own life, but it was dramatic in many others also.The drama would be labeled tragic.
Yet would it by anyone else be labeled tragic? Or just a small rut or bump along a relatively flat line on that bar graph of life?

"Вот, почему..."
мне кажется, это все лишь средство и методы, а причина глубже: кому-то это выгодно...

чтобы мы воевали, участвовали в спорте, злились и радовались)))

A pergunta que vem a tona é quem copiou quem, afinal existe um texto IDÊNTICO a esse em inglês.

hmm
es verdad. la falta de drama catastrófico en nuestras vidas desbalanceada con el drama ficticio que nos bombardea hace eso de nuestra forma de ver nuestra vida, como "un cuento de hadas".
pero a mi eso me parece genial, y estar inconciente de ello lo hace real.vivimos el drama de nuestras vidas intensamente y me parece mucho mejor vivirla así.

This is classic.

this is so true and awesome...

Derek,

Thank you so much for sharing this. It is insightful.

However, if there is one comment I can make - it will be about the graph that is shown for the "real life." It looks like the ups and downs in real life are very minor compared to what's shown in the movies.

Unfortunately, that is not true. Ask someone who lost his job or got dumped by his boyfriend/girlfriend and the pain they go through is real and it is in no way a small bump in the road.

Having said that, I love the graphs and thanks for sharing.

Best,
Rajesh
Rajesh - I think he'd argue that these things are actually no big deal. So you had a breakup or got fired, it's not the end of the world, you'll get over it. Also see my">sive.rs/horses">my favorite fable. — Derek

fanEFFINGtastic!

Moi j'ai vraiment l'impression de montagnes russes et je n'aime pas le sport mais le propos est sans doute vrai en général.

It's a story. Something needs to happen, surely that's the point? I could tell you a story about how I've just taken a sip from my cup of tea, but it's not exactly riveting is it? Real life isn't fiction. It's mundane sometimes, in fact a lot of the time. These stories are a break from the inane narratives of everyday life, something has to happen. We're not trying to live in a fairytale at all, we're just enjoying a good writer spinning a good yarn to break the spiral of boredom. It's a good spot I grant you, but it's no more insightful than that.

I like.

you can't say peoples lives are actually like this, pretty linear with some ups and downs but nothing in comparison to the "fairytale's" we grew up idolizing... if people create these situations (ie fights, and romances) then doesn't that make them true??

truth is beauty, beauty is truth- creating these situations makes them true so art is probably imitating life more than we think...

Very Cool man, This is so true! People do love to think their lives are supposed to be crazy fairy tale.

Pas d'accord....la vie n'est pas une ligne platte avec petits hauts et bas. Parcontre, si on a des yeux pour voire, chercher le détail, nourrir l'émerveillement, alors les petits évenements deviennent tous de évenement importants....suffit de savoir ressentir et regarder....

Te copié el artículo en mi blog, espero no haber infringido ninguna norma y que no le moleste.

saludos.
(sería un honor que pase por mi blog y lea un poquito de la presentación que le hice) =)

Si no se lo inventan los escritores, nuestra mente lo inventaría.

La forma que tenemos de escapar de esta aburrida realidad es una fantasía.

"War is a mass psychotic disorder" - maior emoção não há!

Very thought provoking

I am a dramatist and poet. My life is always exciting because I make it up as I go along.

A ver a ver... Cual es el problema de querer vivir la vida como un cuento de hadas? Las historias con sus tramas tratan de reflejar a traves de su ficcion, sentimientos y situaciones reales, y mas alla de que sus elementos sean dragones o lo que fuera, atras de eso probablemente haya un significado totalmente aplicable a la vida. ¿Porqué una persona no puede vivir su vida con un gran éxtasis porque lucha para crecer en su carrera, cumplir sus sueños, comprobar sus ideales, etc? Eso en las historias esta metaforizado con elementos fantásticos cuando en realidad buscan ilustrar cosas abstractas de la realidad, la vida no tiene porque ser vivida monotonamente y sin sabor. ¿Quien nos obliga?

I thought the explanation was more than helpful, though a bit too common life, real life is not midiocre, most cases it is closer to the disaster lines than it is to the ecstasy line...

I think it's interesting but I respectfully disagree.

Some up's and downs but nothing to go down in history?? I dont see how someone could accept that. I realize I am only 19 and have yet to live a full life, but try to keep and open mind.

I know for a fact, as im sure many of you do, that I will remember certain events for the rest of my life. Death and life certainly do "go down in history".

"Drama" is not something you can always create, a lot of the time "drama" finds you. Thats not to say we all have BIG dramatic story ARCS like cinderella, but everyone has an arc...no straight lines in the world I live in...

I understand that he is trying to convey the idea that people prop up events that put them at the center of the universe, and make their events larger than life. But the truth of the matter is, some events are larger than life, and I think its wrong to dismiss all lives as a straight line with no "drama" or significant events. I feel like he is conveying the idea that our lives are reduced to happy or sad, and there is no significance in the individual.
Write down all the things that seem like a big deal to you now at 19, and seal them in an envelope. Open the envelope in a year and you'll realize they weren't as big a deal as you thought. Re-open the envelope in 10 years and you'll laugh at how they used to seem like a big deal at all. Re-open in 20 years and you'll actually get nostalgic for the days when you thought anything was that big of a deal. — Derek

Estpy de acuerdo con tigo, y tambien con los demas, pero!! La realidad es que la vida es como lo manejas en la ultima grafica, y a muchas personas, no les gusta aceptar que asi es, estamos tan acostumbrados a siempre ver este tipo de historias que creemos que asi debe ser la vida pero si nos damos cuenta, no podemos aceptar la realidad de lo que vivimos, por que aun no hemos aprendido a vivir y hacepta lo que somos.
La vida es tranquila y divertida, pero debemos aprender a identificar la realidad en la que vivimos.

yes our lives feel very boring and insignificant. right? But Kurt Vonnegut said that for thousands of years the same story arc has been going on for thousands of years. but it is his interpretation that we have a problem when we want our life to to be like a great story. I disagree. I think we story lovers are on to something even if we aren't aware of it. The famous writer C.S lewis had a quote which i don't know word for word but I will paraphrase. he said to the effect. " practically Every desire that humans have there is a thing to full fill that desire. if we are hungry there is food to eat. If we are tired than we have sleep, then he says that there are desires that he has that nothing on this earth can fulfill. he concludes that there must be something that will fulfill thoses desires aswell.

So what i am saying is that the need for our ancestors to tell us great stories is not a problem but a clue, that our desire for a great story or epic is essential because there must be a greater story we are involved in that we are clueless too. Kinda like when you are in a math course that you are not qualified for because you haven't learned the basics. but for those who did learn all the math prior to this course,the seemingly hard math makes perfect sense for them and they are able to do it. Or when you arrive at a movie 40 minutes late. you have no idea what the hell is going on but there is this nagging urge to understand it and find the meaning of the movie you are watching.

I believe it is the same for our life. When we really look at the world and ponder it, we have to come to some conclusions. Obviously something bigger is going on here. How do you explain flowers,horses, insects " that can fly!" etc There's so much skill invloved on this planet that there must be something greater going on. It's as if we are dropped on a stage not knowing the script, therefore we can;t interpret what is going on, we have no clue.

But that doesn't mean our lives are supposed to be meaningless.

esta es la clara prueba de qien busca encuentra.. es un razonamiento logico pero no aplicable a la realidad, hablando de realidad por el ultimo cuadro donde muestra lo oscuro y luminico de la vida de alguien "normal", y demostrando q la vida es chata, y esto se debe por q las personas q califican en ese cuadro no qieren un cuento de hadas para su vida qieren rutina, aunke obviamente no es lo q qieren es lo q aprendio la civilisacion babilonica, de ciudad, mantiene una cultura donde la gente debe automatisarse achatando su registro sentimental. conosco gente q no deja q el sistema lo oprima, y lleva una vida mas llena de experiencias fantasticas q pinocho.

I think that’s backwards. People need drama, therefore they came up with fiction. The need for things to make sense came first; fiction is its consequence, not its cause.

So what caused the need for drama? IMO it’s an inevitable byproduct of a brain that can spot patterns and do logic – i.e. of thinking, of being a thinking animal. I think, therefore I want life to make sense, therefore I get annoyed that it doesn’t, therefore I make up stories.

i love fairy tales and myths ; they offer the purest of archytypical images to learn from, to apply to our lives to dis-create the drama we infuse it with....
unfortunately, when we continue to tell our drama stories, i wonder if it is indeed a deep seated need to keep ourselves from ourselves

thats why we need to add a little imagination to our reality, make choices that lead to the type of adventure we crave. thats how ive decided to live my life. im 19 and by the time my life is near over i will have a book written about my life. full of adventure and truth and fantasy. because thats gonna be how i see it how i live it. and i bet itll be a best seller. just wait and see.

I wish I could recall who sent me here, (via Twitter). I'm so glad they did. This is such a thought-provoking post. Thanks so much for that!

Tellement vrai !

C'est pour ça que les gens s'adonnent au mercantilisme : pour égayer leurs pauvres vies.
Je ne juge pas. Je suis comme cela aussi.

Super article en tout cas.

What a humdrum view of life, there can be nothing more exciting than life, any life and for the most of there is incidents of love and tragedy, success failure, the highs and lows are all there, everyone's felt like they cannot go on, everyone has felt like they're having the greatest day of their life. This seems like pseudo-intellectualism and is really just pessimistic. Sorry, but life is so much more than a straight line with a couple of squiggles for the odd variation.

More to it than that though. These 'arcs' or archetypes of the hero story are universal bc they ring true to humans - have no time to elaborate but check out Joseph Campbell..."The Hero With A Thousand Faces"...ALL our lives mirror the hero's journey in big ways or small ways. That's why we're drawn to story-telling.

I hold advanced degrees in playwriting: my life is a drama every day.

In fond memory of Mr. Vonnegut, who gave me "Cat's Cradle" at just the right time.

This is an amazing interpretation.It is for first time that i have seen someone explaining a scenario with this kind of graphs.Our life is just ordinary with small ups and downs.But thoughts within us makes it a big and then whines.Those who lives practically,will take it lightly and move on with caution.Yeah people love action and drama cos,there is nothing like that in life.When i see my mom watching some drab soap opera's,i can sense,that she is trying to live some exaggerated lifestyles of women through thoughts and tears.When life is stressful,i wondered why she hates soemthing cheerful.Tragedy sells big time,thats the moral of the story.

Just wanted to say "AMEN"! This is priceless.

thank you Mr Vonneget for Slaughter house 5.
I would also like to thank you for this article (both the author and presenter).
Most people live lives of quiet desperation so they need their highs and lows.This is why drama is such a mainstream subject of TV, films, books etc and why one of the first things I do each morning is to check the news for something interesting!

God's Story of creation, mankind's original glory, the fall of mankind, and its ultimate redemption through Christ is a story full of similar drama, and I think the reason we have always been drawn to these kinds of stories is because ultimately we are haunted by that story.

The problem is, that people decide what matters to them, and if they care deeply about sports, then the stories of those sports become important. Plus, don't act like World Wars I and II didn't happen.

While I agree with the central premise of this post, I'm left wondering if this is a problem or if its the central motiving factor for action.

If we were not motivated by a belief that normal life could be comprised of grand expressions of drama, who why would anyone aspire to greatness. And where would the connection to tragedy be? Where would we find the connection that inspires people to get up and help?

And what is life without drama and hope? If you don't see life as an adventure, why bother to participate? I guess what I mean to say is, if people didn't believe in fairy tales why would anyone ever leave the house?

Cheers,

-=Daniel=-

I saw him deliver the same lecture years ago. He was excellent! In the one that I saw he also charted The Metamorphosis, which he depicted with a starting point slightly below the middle line and which dropped off the chart on the first page and stayed bad forever. His point in this lecture was that great literature employs ambiguity to force the reader into participation in the text. He put Hamlet on the chart and explained that each major event which motivated the plot could not be characterized as clearly good or bad (eg the ghost at the beginning) and therefore Hamlet appeared as a flat line in terms of happiness/unhappiness or good/bad, leaving the reader to decide the true nature of the story.
It was a great lecture.

Really? I wish my real life looked that calm. I can point to at least 5 real life, big happenings that would drop that nice red line to the bottom of the Y axis and stay there for a very long period of time before returning to baseline. Must be nice to have a calm life.

Jayson above makes a good point. I think the variable missing is how close ones perception of misery and Ecstasy is. Another words, where more people can take the blow of daily life and put less weight in its ups and downs, others, the ups and downs reflect more severely. Also, ones level of severity and ecstasy differs too. What may get one person excited (normal person winning a million dollars) might not excite another person (a billionaire winning a million dollars). Life is a bit more dynamic.

I love Vonnegut. I saw him speak at UVa about 20 years ago, and he used the same drama arc example, except he finished it a bit differently.
Instead of fairy tales, he speculated on how the greatest work of literature would look on the grid. He chose "Hamlet."
At the beginning, Hamlet's father has been killed. Line starts at the bottom. And, of course, everything that happens in the story to him is terrible, so the line runs straight across the bottom to the end. Hilarious!

Nice post, but I think he has it backwards. Drama came first and that's why we have the well of stories, mythologies, etc., from which we all draw. These are explanations of life, amplified, of course, but explanations nonetheless that both explain experience and help shape how others interpret it.

In the final graph, the line does vacillate between ecstasy and misery, but not much beyond the baseline. Perhaps in the grand COLLECTIVE narrative that we create in our vast cultural networks, that may not seem like the pumpkin at the ball or the 8th ring of hell-- the minuscule amount of derivation from the baseline, that is-- but in each of our individual daily existences (our everyday lives) these "small" derivations seem quite LARGE.

So, I think Vonnegut has it backwards here, IMO. People don't invent fights because of the grand narratives/myths that define our cultural history. It's not that we are trying to make our lives into fairy tales. Rather, fairy tales, and the stories, myths, proverbs that produce/are produced by our culture grow out of people trying to understand their original experience.

‘Drama’ is a construct of the narcissistic ego. People are in love with their dramas and nurture them whole heartedly. When one takes responsibility for one’s own experience of life it is discovered that drama is created for the 'juice' of it. At this realization the motivation to create drama in one’s own life will unravel and over time the propensity toward this type of self stimulating and manipulative behavior will dissolve into the nothingness from whence it came. :O) Something to note is that few (very few) would ever have the insight (or ask for the insight) into how to diminish and dissolve the self created drama in one's life and most, given the tools to do so, would simply use the tools to spin yet another yarn of drama thereby stepping off the true path to enlightenment.

I disagree with this explanation. People don't feel the need to create drama due to a warped perception of what they think life is meant to be like. You trying to tell me that the story of Cinderella (or similar) invented drama in people's lives? Of course not. I think that some people feel the need to create or exaggerate drama in there lives because it provides them with stimulation. It gives them something to talk about.

Traffic Jams reflect this thought as well.
1. accident happens
2. people slow down to look at traffic in hopes that they "accidentally" see something gruesome or dramatic.
a. In this way they are absconded of all responsibility of actually seeking out drama, it "just happened."
3. person is - 90% of the time - NOT rewarded with gruesome or dramatic.
4. person creates misery for others and themselves

Ironically the drama they create is in the extreme overreaction of others to a traffic jam.

Amazing article. Very few impress me --> You have surpassed.

Pretty interesting post and comments here, took a while for me to read through all of it. Admittedly, I like a bit of drama in my life because it makes everything more interesting despite causing a lot of problems.

Vergessen wir nicht, dass Kurt Vonnegut versucht hat, einigen Nichtwissenden etwas über Literatur und "Drama" zu erzählen. Das Drama seines eigenen Lebens hat dieser wahrhaft große und human denkende amerikanische Schriftsteller des 20. Jahrhunderts in seinem wunderbaren Buch "A Man Without A Country" kurz vor seinem Tod erzählt - ich kann es jedem nur empfehlen. Bitte kaufen und lesen! Ein großer freier - und unbeugsamer - Geist, und ein Vorbild für Alle! Peter Paulenz, Friedberg, Germany

I blogged about Kurt Vonnegut once, in that he wrote they dug the coal from beneath WV and one day the state became a sinkhole. Today they just knock the top off the mountains. Messy business, commerce. I worked 23 solid years putting together computer applications. This year, 2010, I have nothing but failure. All of a sudden I became less than important to companies. I personally am giving my time over in new Open Source projects, hoping for a little cash. It was always the work that gave me peace. Thanks for reaching out. Best Wishes!

For people comparing their own lives to this concept, another side:

please consider separating the physiological aspects of daily life from the psychological for a moment....and give biology its due.......... so that the more one can lead a good healthy lifestyle, diet, meditation, exercise, etc. no drugs; the more one's body is prepared to ride the tide of "drama" and "stress", resilient to the extremes so that one can cope with the lows and not get too amped up about the highs. ...daily happiness can be a natural component of life.

With your brain and body functioning on that calmer, more harmonious plane, the psychological drama will naturally not be as "charming" to the nervous system, so behavior will gradually tend to lead to more happiness.

"Why stir the pot", when there is an easier way to experience the journey.

And so it goes - KV

This means that my life is a waste...

i have got to admit...this has kind of depressed me...i know its true, but...i wish it wasn't

cool auch der buchtip im komentar!
a man without a country. werde ich lesen, aber ich komme ja zu nix.
obwohl: da vinci hatte genauso 24h am tag wie ich. hab ich irgendwo anders aufgeschnappt.
Stumble ist am besten um inspirational quotes, jokes und sogar manchmal nette deutsche sachen so wie hier im netz zu entdecken. viel spass beim surfen und natürlich auch artikel und kommentare schreiben wünscht euch Euer nasweiß

Maybe. And that's what choice is all about. We get to choose the stages we will watch, the stages we will be a part of, and the stages we will choose to walk away from or ignore.

Its really depressed me.

oh i could only dream of that flat line life... no mine is pretty much a roller coaster graph

I have heard this described before as the Disney Princess syndrome but I really like the graphics used to illustrate it. It adds a nice dimension to it.

Очень правдиво. Но одной кривой не достаточно для описания реалий каждого человека.

yes people are sad and useless ....except for very few examples !!

Derek! I don't know where you found people whose real life is represented by the third graph! :) Either I hang exclusively with dramaticians and heroes, or life is a little more dynamic that this.

Это всё естественно, но хотелось бы услышать мнение других экспертов в данном вопросе, а то получится нечестный дискус

Explica muchas cosa.

There is a grain of truth to this, especially for humanistic thinkers but what I have experienced since being born again as a Christian 17 years ago at age 42 is that life's many undramatic highs and lows that most people experience have INFINITE POWER and MEANING when we become aware of the awe inspiring dramatic power that our creator has to change our lives for the better WHEN WE LET HIM! Yes folks, what the Bible says IS actually true, incredible and REAL! I am so grateful that I finally discovered that and came out of the constant disappointment born of my former spiritual ignorance.

genius. it makes drama queens look really pathetic. and it makes me want to avoid being one. i'm reserving my drama for my screenplay... :)

Love what Abby just wrote. She's so right and so very few people attain the level of communication with the Holy Spirit. It's a lonely place when we know where Home IS and we still live here... AND we know we're on a mission and we can't change a single person that we come in contact with. The best that we can do is to continue to tell people about the Truth; and each time that you do, it's like putting a 'spiritual deposit' into an aggressive growth mutual fund. In turn, you'll see your spiritual power increase! So, do not be dismayed. Live life in an even keel... risking "it" all to share what's happening in your life.

THAT being said, those people in my family that CONSTANTLY keep their noses in "romance novels", then try to extract and replicate some of the drama in their books into our lives: well, these people drive me insane, on a personal level. Your article helped point out how literally devoted and stuck some people can become on drama. Thank you so much for putting a visual perspective on drama in the lives of those that "could/can" affect us.

Right now, because I've shared Truth with so many, and I've called out my siblings, with very crass language because I could not stand their drama, deceit, lies, and b.s. As it is now, they've all disowned me. And now, that I basically have their drama out of my life, I actually like my immediate family again! No one's picking on my daughter or husband. No one to for me to listen to pumping negative b.s. into my mind. And LIFE is FINALLY rocking steady and ENJOYABLE. I never would have 'thunk' that TOTAL EMOTIONAL DISTANCING would GIVE ME CLARITY.

Your article gives about as much visual clarity and credence to the kind of life that I am experiencing for the first time in my life.

How did I come to this place? My mother died and I was pushed to do something morally wrong and I called every single family person out about their thought processes about life. I then had a few rather curt blunt things to say that left no stone unturned. Sometimes I wish I kept some of what I was thinking to myself. But in retrospect, I have no regrets.

I was a vonnegut fan back in my early 20's. He has a pessimistic view on the world. He is right about many things. Who wouldn't be depressed knowing about the shit we are in?

Regarding this chart: Not always so. My life has been very much like Cinderella and the well tale. Before something truly dramatic happened I did make unnecessary drama though. I think that most people do until they actually have something to cry about. One would hope that people could feel the gravity of tragedy in their lives and have it be a catalyst for change.

I love this and I totally agree.

Well Derek you keep stunning me with great thoughts, ideals and now my favorite writer Vonnegut!!!
You are quite the inspiration and thanks for emailing me. On Kurt: I wish I was lucky enough to attend his lecture. But back to the comments: I think everyone's life has a mixture of all the above. The sad part truly is the dramatoids, the ones that will invent/create drama about regular mundane stuff and build years of conflict over it. I, for one, like excitement, joy (find the good stuff, the happy side of the coin)and pleasure in the rare moments when other humans don't have hidden agendas and share kindness instead of criticism.

Yo creo que los cuentos de hadas existen porque reflejan el inconsciente colectivo y que en el fondo todos tenemos aspiraciones de cuento de hadas, por eso la gente compra loteria y sueña con ser rico hasta que pasa el sorteo. Y la publicidad juega con eso por eso hay tantos sorteos de cosas. La gente siempre quiere lo que no tiene y siempre desea más y más. Los ricos siguen haciendo negocios no se quedan en su casa a disfrutar de todas sus posesiones quieren más. Y las bellas siguen haciendose cosas para estar mas bellas. Asi ad infinitum

WoW its like saying, as the ice cream sales go up there are more cases of drowning.... does ice cream sale drown people ... noooo both happen in summer time.. the Cinderella is so famous cause people could relate to the troubles in life and it gives them hope that there will be good things in their life... the story is not about drama, just about hope. we humans don't need drama in our life but in order to deal with the drama we all look for positive ways. make drama exciting so dealing with it would be fun.Be a little posive dude, we don't need drama just need to get through it.
Kurt Vonnegut should find other ways to be famous :/

It's funny how this post is still getting comments. I believe most people who are responding negatively do not get the point.

Everybody's life is filled with ups and downs, very personal - EXTREME - ups and downs, but we are a part of nature. On this scale of nature, of the way things work, obviously the human race is extraordinary, but drama is something we created. That is the point.

Does your cat stage shows? Nah.
She/he is too busy being mystified by life. As we all should.

Hi there! Stumbled upon your post here from StumbleUpon. As a writer (both fiction and nonfiction), I find this inherently interesting.

On one side, yes I think people DO invent drama to make their lives feel more interesting.
On the other, I remember two stories:
1- a journalist in WA state used to do a weekly column on someone picked at random from the phonebook- under the idea that everyone has a story to tell
2- an exercise for a fiction writing workshop a friend participated in was to go find someone random on the street and learn their story, then incorporate it into a fiction piece that evening.
Maybe the drama is real, just depends how you look at it...

I enjoyed this perspective on "homo credens". I would suggest to take a peek at Jerome Bruner's work regarding story-telling.

Great one Derek! I now understand this habit some of my family has indulged in for generations - called "stirring the pot." If things get too good, stir up some action, some drama. It will make things interesting again, even if absolutely horrible!

I have tried to break the cycle of stirring the pot in my own life although there are many temptations. Being a "drama queen" is not really a great persona - unless, of course, others are eager for you to stir their pot and egg you on. Good insights!

My mother lived her teenage years in London during the WWll Blitz. She is also a pathological liar. I think the daily disasters made her an adrenaline junky, hence her continuous need for drama to this day.
But everyone is different; the first 20 years of my life was a combination Cinderella and Common Disaster story- way to much drama- so now I try to live my life like the third chart as much as possible.

I am a drama teacher and I frequently see students create work that betrays a common misconception- that Drama must be about 'action', narratives of 'confrontation' or 'high emotion'. This happened, then this, then this...I cried, I laughed, I won, I lost, I lived, I died... etc. But if you don't have interesting characters, if we don't know enough about them, the drama will be dull.
Our lives become interesting not because cool/tragic/mountain-top stuff happens to us, or because we make it happen to force ourselves to become more 'interesting'. Finally, the most interesting people are actually the most interest-ED! Those capable of giving the most love are potentially most worthy of ours. The true function of drama is as a metaphor- educating us in empathy for the other. Good people, great artists have a capacity for developing this connectivity and compassion in themselves and us. We all feel, we all suffer, we all experience ecstasy, we are all adventurers and we all have value. Great drama teaches us about the power to recognise this worth in all of us.
Drama queens mistakenly believe it will automatically make them more fascinating and worthy if they create giant peaks and troughs on their life graphs. But those people are not artists; in fact they're not even very interesting protagonists. They are self-serving narcissicists. Driven only by an addiction to creating a dramaturgical version of themselves, a compulsion to impress/shock/depress others, they lose the authentic soul that might otherwise have made them uniquely compelling. They're usually living somebody else's myth, and the story will only start to become interesting when they realise the have been lying and find the courage to shed their egoic masks.

las gráficas están hechas de acuerdo a estándares generales, no a estándares personales.

un extremo de éxtasis en estándares personales bien puede no ser un extremo de éxtasis en estándares personales. y, un extremo de miseria en estándares generales bien puede no ser un extremo de miseria en estándares personales.

en términos personales lo que importa es la apreciación personal. cada uno entiende según los estándares q quiera y pueda.

en términos generales es irrelevante establecer un estándar general.

lo relevante es estar al tanto de los estándares generales para poder entender algo mejor y establecer mejores estándares personales, si se quiere.

man is unconcious

He basically just generalized the mindset of any television era high school to early college girl or boy (the norm). But after a certain point in their lives they are supposed to realize that life isn't a big fairy tale and how (the norm) needs to be unordinary. With that will come the need to realize they need to take charge of themselves so they are on the right path to defy expectation. This is I have a hunger to be different.

This is possibly very true. I liked the way you broke it down. Bravo!

Wow! Very nice blog, it makes a lot of sense what you described with your illustrations. I learned a lot from it. Good Job

You kids want drama? Live my life:

graduate university, week later move to another country for 2 years

do not work but hustle and find creative ways to get paid.

start playing penny stocks

make $40,000 in one month

lose $60,000 in the following two

have multiple girls interested in you but rarely commit

do not get a job unless you like it and it's temporary

come to NYC without any plan, no place to sleep.

come to another city at 3am, walk out of airport and walk somewhere you can sleep...along the freeway

ride a scooter on the freeway at 5mph because it won't go any faster as cars fly by at 80+

snorkel far out in the ocean

skydive

But the point is - I could show this to my grandfathers and they would laugh at me

WW2, other wars, now that's drama and don't you dare wish for it in your life.

The post is spot on - even for people like myself and some of my friends who enjoy fun lifestyles, our lives are tame compared to the real struggles of those before us (think about 500 years ago and earlier)

Very insightful --- I've noticed this inclination in people to create drama ... I suppose I notice it more in others but certainly it's a part of myself as well.

I'm not sure whether I'm supposed to think this creation of unnecessary drama is a bad thing or a good thing though...

I think we all get something close to a big fall or jump - only once or so in our lives, though, not nearly as constant. Some of us will never have an insane one - but I think that often has to do with a lack of risk.

I came across this when I googled "Why People Create Drama." I read this a while ago, when it was first posted itq and cut a lot of people out of my life or limited my time with them. Now that I am out there performing with other artists again, the drama is beginning again. This article is a good reminder to not get sucked into other people's drama. I wish more artists would read this and realize--hey, there is nothing going on--we don't need to behave this way!

Thanks again for posting this!

Chuck Klosterman blames everyone fantasizing about true love on us watching too many Disney movies growing up. That's his proof that there is no such thing in reality, and it was just invented to sell books initially, and then movies and TV shows later on. We just want our lives to be like the movies we idolize, especially from when we were young. Very cynical but Similar idea.

Wait, so you're saying that I'm not a book? But my parents told me I could be whatever I wanted when I grow up. My life is shattered! Thanks Kurt.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

K, I'm a movie now!

That last XY axis depicting "real life" apparently discounts experiences such as meeting your first love, the birth of your child, and any other experience that no movie, however good a plot, could never approximate. This blog post just explains why you feel depressed after a movie marathon. Movies trigger our emotions, sometimes even our adrenaline which gives us a rush. We naturally look for more of it. We are designed for adventure. Success in any endeavor makes us happy. Even if movies were not invented, I would think that everyone is bound to feel that there's more to life. Why do you think ancient philosophers explored the meaning of life in so many ways?

'Slaughter House V' begins and ends with a Tweet.

Kind of ominous sounding now.

I agree with this in many ways. But I think that we can make life a fairy tale for ourselves by reveling in the small things. All the little things we do mean SO MUCH. Even by simply existing we change the course of History.

I think that if you expect your life to be boring, it will be. But if you expect it to be exciting then you will find joy in all te little things.

I'm moving out and into the biggest city in Canada in a few months (Toronto). I mean, it just changing location and life style. But I am SOOOO Excited. I can't wait to struggle, to love, to fail, and all the other little meaningless things that happen on a day to day basis.

It's not about dramatizing your life, it's about loving everything about your life as it is. Even the bad things because we can grow from struggle.

I don't totally agree with that guy but he tought a good lesson to all of us, anyways.

Very brilliant and partially true. Most lives do move along w/small fluxes of joy or drama - but overall it depends on the path that a person (a character) has chosen - or what they are trying to accomplish in their lives. If the goal is BIG then the path (the story)to the goal has larger fluxes of drama.

I agree with everyone here.

You all lead such interesting lives. All 554 of you.

Nice and worth to learned..

Sometimes things do happen like in fiction(ie. a proposal, falling in love, being asked to the ball by your prince charming (ordinary or not), the death of a loved one, breaking bones, being betrayed.)
All these things make up fiction and real life. The thing is that we as humans are experts at adjusting to change. We have to be able to adjust to these changes in order to survive. That being said, crazy things DO happen in everyday life (for some) but we don't feel the lasting effects that are depicted in fairytales because (whether we want to or not) we adjust to our situation and it becomes the new norm. However, I really enjoyed this post, which is why I commented.

First, this post is amazing.
Second, I am amazed by the fact that years later people are still commenting and third, it reminds me of a quote I once saw about fairytales giving women unreal expectations about life and men. i don't necessarily think that, I do believe it gives everyone unrealistic expectations on life in general

La vida tiene altas y bajas, decepciones, momentos felices... tiene una infinidad de posibilidades. No podemos decir que queremos vivir un cuento de hadas y por eso inventamos todas esas cosas que nos hagan sentir parte de una gran historia. Las grandes historias son inspiradas en hechos reales. Cada uno de nosotros forma su propia realidad, su propia historia.. no somos robots, somos seres humanos con potenciales increibles.. desarrollalo!

Very educative. Thanks a lot.

Boring and Wrong.

There is a lot of truth here. Think about it, since time was time man has celebrated death, degradation, violence, sex, etc. etc. All of which bring elements of drama. I don't agree however with the concept that reality is somehow strung out in the middle, with not so high highs and not so low lows. I actually thinks it's quite the opposite. I believe people experience significant ups and downs in their lives that lend credibility to the drama theory. Take my own life for instance; I had a child at 15, suffered through an abusive relationship from the age of 12 until after my child was born; He was born with a disability; and so on and so forth. These are very 'dramatic' events; especially for a teenager. And people write about such things every day.

Do I believe my life is a fairy tale? Not by any stretch of the imagination. But, do I believe my life is riddled with drama where the characters are seemingly out of this world and ostentatiously unreal? At times, yes. Are these pieces of my life worth writing about? To some degree, yes. And with that said, people just might be talking about them for years and years.

Again, I like this concept and I plan on using it as a guide for my work as well.

I found your site out of the blue and I'm glad I did.

Thanks for the post.

So very helpful for a visual learning like myself. I suddenly want to grab my wips and DRAW out the plot. Thanks

Great Vonnegut piece. I don't know who said it but it reminds me of when the Chairman of Nasa saw the same janitor in the same spot hours apart sweeping the same ground and asked him "What exactly are you doing here?" The Janitor replied "I'm helping put men on the moon."

I once saw Vonnegut lecture in Portland. He added a diagram of The Metamorphosis. Start at normal. Straight plunge down, ended by dropping the pen on the floor.
Yeah he did that one, too, but I left it out of this story because it distracted from the point. — Derek

Or: our lives really are secretly, in the deep inner core of things, fairy tales, and Kurt Vonnegut is trying to trick us into thinking they're actually not such a big deal at all.

Or maybe both things are true.

notre vie dépend des l'empleur des risques qu'on prend a chaque fois qu'on s'engage dans quelque chose et plus on prenne des risques plus le pic de changement de notre vie sera intéressant (ou bien plus haut ou plus bas)

I met Kurt as well. I do agree partially with this theory, except for the assumption that ordinary people have to seek out drama. The world we live in does not need to be exceptionally mundane to have events that effect our lives drastically. There are events, unexpected tragedies and great victories that occur in one's lifetime that happen not because of emulation of literature, but because of the unpredictability of life. It must be nice to feel that the greatest ups and downs happen second hand through fiction, rumor and retellings. Rather, for those of us not in a lecture hall, life is something that we live and authors recreate to entertain the rest of you that are just on the upswing of the roller coaster. Hold tight because you will lose the ones that you love. Drama happened way before Cinderella attended any ball. Vonegut is a great storyteller. However,(brace for cliche) art imitated life before life started imitating art.

Thanks for sharing this. Kurt Vonnegut remains one of my all time favorite fiction writers. His characters tend to stay in my mind.

As for classic plots, the older Russian version of Cinderella, which Disney has gutted of real courage and self determination, is Vasilisa The Brave. The fairy tale shows an orphan girl facing death, taking wise advice, and making it through the witch's forest alive.

He was a friend when I was a child. Very interesting and caring person.

I don't agree with this concept.

I absolutely love this post. I think I stumbled into it before, actually.

Kurt Vonnegut's attitude about writing and life is so refreshing.

I can't really agree. My life has been nothing but a fantastic adventure since leaving home at 15. I find that as long as you go out on a limb, take chances, live life for the sake of living,and do your best to be open to possibility...EXCITING THINGS HAPPEN! Most people just accept mediocrity, they accept the mundane 9-5 world, and live their lives vicariously through media and drama, instead of being proactive and living their dreams for real. I am 44 now, and my adventure is nowhere near done! This does not mean that the big things are more important than the little things, because when you really learn to live...everything is a cool experience! LIVE, DREAM, BE!

I just saw Leadership Lessons from the Dancing Guy tonight 4-21-2011. I went to Sivers.org and clicked first Kurt Vonnegut Explains Drama which is equally brilliant in the simple and effective way in which it explains our behavior. I am now hooked on Sivers! Keep up the good work.

i don't do this. I don't pursue drama, and I don't want my life to be a fairy tale

YES. YES. YES!!!!!!! ive always struggled to explain drama in words that people can understand and are as simple to comprehend as these to no avail, but you've done it and it could not be clearer even to the dimmest of people. our exact thoughts may vary but who cares? the goal is similar, and for me so far that is enough. thank you.

Very true; very good. You have made my life seem a little less ordinary.

I'm really quite impressed with the amount of responses here! It is dramatic to have so many responses Derek!!!

I've witnessed a lot of drama of the negative sort and I wrestled with the meaning of it in my heart, mind, body and soul, which I guess is my own internal drama or search for meaning and truth. I'm ready for any drama that is for the good, and then too will pass it on to you.

I find it difficult to write a good song without some kind of drama. I have to use a lot of imagination because I have the whole 'life is good' attitude.

I disagree. Think about this Einstein quote:

"either everything is a miracle or nothing is a miracle."

You must CHOOSE. And I choose to believe that everything is a miracle. Hell yes. If that comes w/ drama, I welcome it. Better than that terribly depressing "real life" arc. You disappoint me, Vonnegut.

Good explanation for Drama!

I referenced your Vonnegut charts in one of my recent blogs..

http://www.miquielbanks.com/archives/1920

Great article! Drama seems to be everywhere and it seem that we, as humans need it, whether it be negative or positive. Thanks!

J'ai sans hésiter choisi le commentaire numéro 584, tout comme mon choix d'une vie pleine de miracles et de drames, n'importe quels, mais jamais une vie monotone...

Pardon, j'ai cité 584, mais c'était parmi les commentaire en anglais...Il n'existe pas là, je vous le copie:"I disagree. Think about this Einstein quote: "either everything is a miracle or nothing is a miracle."You must CHOOSE. And I choose to believe that everything is a miracle. Hell yes. If that comes w/ drama, I welcome it. Better than that terribly depressing "real life" arc. You disappoint me, Vonnegut."

I love it Derek!

A friend of mine used to complain about how everyone was playing out the "romantic narrative" in their relationships, as if things were meant to follow some sort of fairy taile or story book sequence. Have you noticed how when someone gets engaged there's meant to be a whole "Story" about it?

In this sense I agree with you / Vonnegut that our lives are influenced by stores / media that make us crave a certain drama.

I think though that there's a lot more to it than this. There are other types of drama. For example you and I recently discssed how some mutual aquaintances were very attached to conspiracy theories and paranoia. Isn't that a type of drama quite outside of Vonnegut's consideration?

Instead of being driven by media/storylines, it is driven by certain basic human needs - to belong, to feel safe etc; as well as deeper issues about trust and security. To me this is a different mechanism for attracting and creating drama into our lives. It's something I've given quite a bit of thought to as my work involves designing new personal development / coaching techniques.

Just some thoughts to explore; loving your blog.

Simon

Brilliant.

And so it goes...

Used to NEED drama...Was raised on it...If things got to comfortable, I would have to create some to make things "normal".

NOW I love to have the drama out of my life...if I ever get a craving for it, I watch a movie...

A Man Without A Country by Kurt Vonnegut. The Cinderella Theory is in it, along with much else. We are so lucky that he decided to write.

Did he really draw an empty grid? (just like THIS!..thats friggin hilarious,and or painfully necessary)

The use of Cinderella's story to explain people's dependence on drama is a sarcastic challenge of individual/united intelligence, and laughs at those who fail to read between the lines.And need I say anything about the disaster grid?

Life hands us ALL a lemon- lets bond over the artificial flavored lemonade we must create to overlook our awkward festivities?

The aftermath is less than. And now for the reality grid! *i enjoy how despite the lack of dramatic effect,time is still moving 'from left to right'-->And there are still people out there who seem butt hurt and bent out of shape over a couple grid maps.E=mc squared is a logical solution!

It's all so crystal to me now.and its all in your head, all in your head,Cinderella ended up polishing a different kind of knob,the child down the well has a superiority complex and reality has no opinion on the Madder or matter. whats the matter? i laughed.-->

great blog. thanks for writing it

El estudio está muy bien pero creo aplica más a la mujeres que a los hombres, ambos vemos esas historias fantásticas desde diferentes puntos de vista, ellas sueñan con el vivieron felices por siempre (o soñaban con eso) nosotros soñamos con la protagonista y el conquiste jeje
Para las chicas la única forma de brincarse la escala de felicidad es enamorándose del príncipe y siendo correspondida, para los chicos es más una cosa de aventura de éxito reconocido, para nosotros es más fácil ser felices, podemos rebasar la escala de felicidad ganando un mundial de futbol, comprando su primer auto nuevo, teniendo una aventura amorosa, entre otras muchas fuentes de felicidad potenciales.
Ante la ambigüedad la mujer se desespera más y busca más opciones contal de no dejar esa línea ambiguamente recta, busca problemas para expresar su frustración de que el príncipe azul pueda matar cucarachas de un pedo por ejemplo, nosotros los hombres ante la ambigüedad, ponemos un buen canal de televisión y nos tomamos una cerveza felices de que la vida va viento en popa, y que nuestra próxima escalada de felicidad está cerca de la mano de cualquier pequeña aventura que nos haga salir de la bendita recta de felicidad!

In most cases, we don't have to participate in drama if we don't want to. There is always a choice. We create our own life. We create our own happiness or drama. We attract energies( anger, love, fear) that we are familiar with. After we grow up we make our choices in regards to what we would like to do, be supportive, creative, happy or live in constant drama and fear. I am happy to declare we (humans) have a choice:-)
Best Wishes, Veronika

YOu can SEE it on YouTUbe!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oP3c1h8v2ZQ

I think Vonnegut, as he does, and is sometimes usefull, is really failing to realize what large lives WE ALL live. I would say less that we are aping fantasy and more that our SUBJECTIVE existence is intesnely personal and incredibly exciting to OURSELVES. This is the first time we have done this. As the internet booms we are beginning to see just how invested everyone is in their own existence. We are beginning to see how commited people are to doing things that represent their inner life. A life that has always existed.

There certainly must feedback in both directions, but boring people who lived and died in very short periods came up with those stories. People without television or mass media, people sitting by campfires sharing their dreams. Those dreams exist within us all in great magnitude, greater than our OBJECTIVE experience. We manage in reality to live dull lives in a routine, but to us the daily drama is our investment in maintaining the life, it's how strongly we feel about ourselves and our existence.

I mean, think of the drama that a five year old experiences every day. The teasing, the bullying, the dealing with parents, getting caught in lies, being exposed to violence, the nightmares. Our inner world is too large to share with other people. Fiction, rarely, and awesomely, conveys that inner world effectively. Think of Freud, and his exposure of the irrational fantasies of possesion and murder. Think of all the love we have felt unrequited, all of us, and how much it hurt and how long it took us to get used to it.

Anyway, if you kept reading, thank you. And sorry Vonnegut, even your fiction is a prime example of how vast an inner life can be compared to a tedious outer-life. We scramble and scramble, the result of our actions is to stay steady, but it should be obvious by now that everyone always expects an apocolypse, and I think our affinity for the fantasy lets us pretend how hard and desperately we would fight to preserve ourselves.

Well this is a blog post dripping in innocuous cynicism. If Vonnegut thought people re-imagine life more dramatically because of fairy tales they hear as children he's making a point only slightly dumber than people who blamed teenage violence on video games. People re-imagine the world as being more dramatic because it's their nature, and that's why we come up with stories. Saying that is nothing profound, and saying that incorrectly like Vonnegut is completely worthless. And if you have a problem with drama you have a problem with your species, not with the Grimm brothers, not with the boob tube and the people on it pretending to be stranded on an island or being rewarded for getting into cat fights and taking steroids/being attracted to guys who take steroids.

What's more, famous authors trying to frame the "common man's life" always results in embarrassment. Even though it seemed to be a favorite habit of the Modernist age writers, they don't know.

This was perfectly timed. I need to understand drama better.

Kurt knew what he was talking about - and now he is dead.

Maybe he should have changed the scale of his axis. Then he might have seen the beauty of a moment.

Yeah that's true... we all want our life to be like the one we have appreciated the most, which happens mostly in some movies....... that is what we seeks from life and create situations for ourselves....
thanks for the post.....:)

never seen anything put more lucidly!!
awesome post.

that is why stories where a protagonist lives, falls and gets up back and 'lives happily ever after' always makes for an excellent watching.

the drama quotient is the soul of epics!

A lot of useful information here. I’m sending it to some buddies ans also sharing in delicious. And of course, thank you to your sweat!


Thanks,
http://www.zuneauto.com

Too bad people don't peel away drama's easy false distractions and get to the point that we fight because we fear (we won't have enough.)
Then we would work on the solutions to that!

These are descriptions of how to tell a story, not how to live. This is KV's description of the architecture of storytelling. As he knew, and as we know, there are other charts that may be drawn. This is how we may reconstruct life on paper or screen, not how we live. When we write about our own lives, we may hold the readers by rearranging the ups and downs and the ordinary. These charts do not warrant criticism, but inspires me to draw other charts. Thanks

But (@quillpenz) these story patterns only resonate because of the kind of lives we live.

The story structure he presents is a typical fairytale story that many people expect to experience. They want their lives to be affected by these dramatic events that don't really have a meaning. We need to live our lives as a story in order to get the pleasure we seek.

Further to the previous thought, the main impetus in our life is to give it meaning, find purpose - we become parents, we assume positions in our work space that challenge us - yes, we create drama in our life, create challenging goals for ourselves, strive hard to achieve it... small glories make us delirious, tiny hurdles propel us further, failure causes us to slump into the doldrums of depression... I feel that this is where the stories and fairy tales emerge from - and not the other way round. With all due respect, Kurt sir - I love you and I love your books even more!

Several months ago when my husband said that he wanted to breakup, I was devastated. priestandrew91@yahoo.com changed my life and helped me save my marriage. I’m happy to say we finally got to be together and I’ve never been happier. Thank you for using your powers to bring happiness to other people's lives. suzan

An over-simplfied account of "real life" by Vonnegut although it serves a purpuse as a starting point for discussion. Of course we experince more misery and ecstacy than that, but we are no longer as well equipped to deal with misery or lack of ecstasy. We are taught that we are not content unless we are happy all the time so some people turn their downs into a spectacle to cover up the fact that they are meerly sad.

People need the drama, is like a drug, such as adrenaline.
I think people need to keep their feelings to the limit.

I agree with this theory and is very successful.
I think if tubieramos no drama in her life would be creating.

Life has many surprises, and the problem is that when we do not value something good happens.

We must be more happy and think positive

The important thing is health and family. The rest is less important

Currently, the dose is given as drama in our society. Excellent article. a greeting

And yet much less would be enough to become protagonists of their own lives. Locate the tightrope on which we are destined to move amid the thousand distractions of every day is as difficult as to emerge unscathed from a disaster...
The most amazing post. Definitely

ok... I am one of the people who naturally has dramas in her life.. and beleive me I am trying to reduce it. Just I am comfortable with everything and taking a big breath boom something happens...
just a little note

I read this and thought of a friend. Another perceptive friend describe the former friend as “a kid with a handgun”… Still makes me laugh as the image says it all. Life is boring, let's chuck in a hand grenade and have a fight.

I think what's going on in the world right now is pretty dramatic - wars everywhere, politicians drinking the kool aid, bankers pumped up with hubris and megalomania - yes pretty dramatic goings on… maybe just not born to be an entertainer. Can't compete with that…

Precious emotional article

timely drama needed in some areas of life

I love the way everyone "Loves" this post but STILL can't/wont accept it's lesson! He's not saying its ok! I know you think its cool to like Vonnegut but the guy simply and eloquently uncovered human complexities so we could recognize, realize & adjust accordingly!!

Simply fantastic and so so true !!

Wow this is so true, and I have fallen into this line of thinking in my life as well. It is a hard thing to break because everyone loves a good story and everyone is the hero of their own stories so of course we will follow this pattern.

Of course we experince more misery and ecstacy than that, but we are no longer as well equipped to deal with misery or lack of ecstasy.

I almost never leave remarks, but I glanced through a few responses
on Kurt Vonnegut explains drama | Derek Sivers. I actually do have a couple of questions for you if
you don't mind. Is it only me or does it appear like some of the remarks appear like they are written by brain dead folks? :-P And, if you are writing on additional places, I'd like to follow you.
Would you post a list of every one of your social networking sites like your
linkedin profile, Facebook page or twitter feed?
All my links are on my home page, but really everything is here at sive.rs/ (and yes, some of the comments are... uh... not so thought-through.) — Derek

Ha. Totally true. Think about what Vonnegut went through in WWII which prompted Slaughterhouse Five. Most people will never ever go through something like that.

sounds like more unconscious fuel and currency for the drama triangle.

Coud everything be explained as graphics like these?

i agree to a great extent about many people needing drama to be in their life. I think in general as the years have gone by the pace in society has quickened and people have gotten lost in technology and have forgotten how to be like a child inside. . .the loss of simple innocence and artful play leaves one yearning for some type of stimulation. . . .and then patterned after surrounding media and hurry up and grow up and children shunned. . . .reality shows and media drama and hype become the norm and needed to jump start emotions like a drug. very good graphic

I agree. I like to think I've separated fantasy from life & steer away from drama. (Say "think" because I hate judging my character on my own thoughts. Too warped of a mirror.) But I definitely see this in my close friends & mother...

20% of the population of Orlando cannot negotiate 4way stops without
eye contact
smile
nod
wave
wink
headlight flash
mexican standoff
all of the above
I call it courtesydammit. They just cut off somebody, gave them the finger and just remembered they're here to do God's work.
Your theory also helps to explain the existence of PT Cruisers.

people make drama to validate themselves.

it adds a sense of importance to the mundane.

so in a sense you are right about the fairy tale idea, but in reality, it's darker than that and drama is based in insecurity.

that's why confidence, secure people don't create drama.

the problem comes when confident and secure people start working with people that on the surface seem secure and reliable, but underneath are insecure. insecurities can also grow in time.

then drama starts and it can be especially draining for a secure and motivated person who gets draw into the drama by the insecure person.

Not true for all, Derek and Kurt. Sometimes real life brings in even more magic than fairy tales. Some really incredible things.

I love these quotes, this topic and this "philosophy" if you will of Vonnegut. Firstly because I believe it to be true... but secondly - and even more amazingly - given the life of the man himself. If any one could speak of drama in life, it was Vonnegut, and yet he dismissed it. People could learn from this way of thinking. Life is what it is, and at the end, no one is going to glorify you or things you were a part of. Even if they do, many of these things are only a small part of one's life.... a week, a day, a few hours in time. Don't get me wrong, I am all for respect and admiration where it is due - but if a man who lived & died as Vonnegut did can shed light on so many people's unnecessary need for drama in life, then we all should attempt to stop and think when our perceived "sky is falling".

Every time I see someone retell the Kurt Vonnegut lecture on stories, they miss the whole point at the end, about how we tweak our expectations about life to all these badly written stories. Thanks for completing the tale. I got to see him present this live, at a Junior College in Texas, mid-late 1980's. It was a wonderful experience, stayed with me ever since. Good luck on new venture.

Sometimes my life is like the story of Job, without the redemption part, and sometimes it's like the $590 million dollar lottery winner, without the money part. I think life has twists and turns, and sometimes major cliffs or hills. It's all about what you learn as you fall and you climb.

Derek, I appreciate this assessment! I often think that people who create drama have low self-esteem and (like most if not all movie characters) are looking somehow to improve how they feel about themselves. So gossip, competition, and putting others down is a way to achieve drama and (a false) sense of higher self-esteem. Even without a story arc.

I wrote this ditty many moons ago:

You chose your destiny
Mine hunted me down
You hear your fate,
Mine doesn't make sound.

You can graft that anyway you like.
ric

I can't get over how much this just opened my eyes. Thank you for sharing.

Well , if there isn't a drama in life , it's not worth living . Afterall the world does infact revolve around me.

Yes people definitely seek drama.

In fact, I think they are really seeking emotional stimulation on a very basic primal level. It is almost as if the entire reason mankind exists is to seek emotional stimulation in one form or other.

The people who have learned how to manipulate these emotions in the typical person are the people who run things in the world and control most of the power. You might think that is a bad thing or a good thing. I will leave that perception to you. But, I am convinced of it.

I wish!

nice insight :) stories do affect people's moods...in search for what is ideal to be envisioned for a better life...a cause for hope :) but what makes people believe in the truth about stories is the testimony on how many lives have improved because of such...with respect to becoming more loving, caring, and kind amongst other people... :) the Holy Bible does have much drama...but has much wisdom that many people...and perhaps all Humanity could related to...

Kurt Vonnegut, although I have appreciated him as a writer, was - much like Bob Dylan - a cynical individual, and I define cynicism as the state of observing a multitude of problems but having an answer for none of them. Life CAN be a fairy tale; people DO get together and join in actions that bring them all up in spirit and brotherhood. I'd say dear old Kurt _ may he rest in peace - simply gave too much credit to media news which is designed to discourage people and put them in fear so they can be sold all manner of synthetic "cures."

Sounds so true!!!

Kurt's explanation is just what I was looking for.

well i do love drama so much I write opera librettos and won 'Brava for Women in the Arts' with an opera libretto based on the life of Frida Kahlo, the painter and her husband Diego Rivera the famous muralist. Opera buffs follow their favorite operas around the world...writing an opera libretto to me is like taking the audience on a Roller Coaster Ride surrounded by the most heavenly music one will ever encounter! I love to take an audience through heaven and hell..with music put to open and guide our hearts, our tears, our laughter and our dreams....a gifted opera singer can make people faint and throw their entire fortunes at their feet..Why? hmmmm..Perhaps being surrounded by unearthly musical sounds and lyrics transcend time and space. There are no descriptions for great operas and opera music..which truly allowing our creative genius to explode and transform all around us from the material plane into the etheral plane where one meets angels, gods and unicorns!!! And of course, fairies!!! Without operas many masterpieces of music would never have composed and the gifted voices of the 'chosen ones of music' would not have delighted our ears! So me, yes give me life in its fullest including deep valley's and the highest mountain tops..may I always allow my emotions to go places others hide from..and let me bring those who desire to live life 1000% with me with the opera and ballet stories I write..Gifted composers are you listening? I love to experiment and try new sounds, new mediums as you let your genius fly higher and further then ever before..so for me? Yes, I will take the drama which encourages my creative vision to explode! The medium ground of emotions and well being was not invented for artists/composers/inventors/writers..we have to take our safe ship out to uncharted seas or become living....dead..the worlds we shall shortly inhabit were created through the geniuses that took off all restrains of their minds hearts and spirits and gave free reign to the gods to fly onward and upward while those destined for 'the middle road' can only watch and wonder..the middle road with no drama...is one I have only been on once...and then an angel of music sang in my third ear and I rose up ..reached for the stars and never looked back..judy joy jones
☺ — Derek

you are right,

thank you

life unveils in shades of grey...it took me years to come to this and a few months to accept it...probably an important realisation for one's own life

Not a new idea. Someone's been reading Baudrillard!

You need a share button for this! Makes my issues like drug addiction seem like cake to handle. Cuz it is!! Idk if you can see what I mean but trust me, THANK YOU

experience kurt vonnegut's "shape of stories" today, through stunning moving-picture magic! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oP3c1h8v2ZQ (not spam, search Kurt Vonnegut Shape of Stoies on youtube, it is hilarious.)

Yes - I've been a drama addict and am on my way to giving them up (just for the stage).

Kurt Vonnegut was my idol in my 20's. I worked in NYC for Dell Publishing, and on my lunch time, I would walk by his apartment hoping to get a glimpse of him. It never happened though.....

you're like the realest guy ever. wow.

Very good article. No wonder very few people buy the idea (can be content with) just living with peace and equanimity which spirituality advocates.

How can up vote this? :-) .

I agree with Kurt, but some people seem to get a comfortable familiarity with drama, by that I mean that they are comfortable with drama and drama brings them comfort. Drama can also give us a sense of importance. "OMG you'll never guess what just happened to me" sounds important, huh?

SO damn true. What a revelation for me...thank you.

Derek, it really does make sense to me. Thanks

I am an aspiring, old writer, and wow....I think you're right! And yet, some of us do have stories to tell that truly border on the unbelievable. Good post though! Thanks

Kurt is massively overgeneralising..... I wish my life looked like his 'real life' graph. Unfortunately for many people it just doesn't. Lucky you if your's does. The reasons we love stories with big dramatic arcs is because our unconscious is made up of archetypal story images and it's precisely those stories that get us through the real drama of life that can and does happen. But maybe you live a charmed existence :-)

I think the trick is to change "Drama" into gratitude.  Because then we start to feel energized by a renewable source and not by the "sugar rush" of drama.  
I believe that life is an adventure and we live it and see it through gratitude.  We don't need to look for "amazing" things to happen because they are happening all around us and inside of us.  Just the workings of our bodies is something to wonder at and then we live in a world of physical spectacle and emotional connections with an amazing ability to appreciate it - that is unparalleled by any other species on the planet.  This is something I must remind my self of -  because I unfortunately forget it all the time.  

Replace Drama with Gratitude and have more energy. 

"Life is either a great adventure or nothing." I love this quote by Helen Keller - I think about her limited ability to interact with the world.  Keller wrote a total of 12 published books and several articles.  She could not hear or see but still was able to discern that there was  a huge world around her and she was ready to appreciate it.  

For me - Keller is a great example of: Replace Drama with Gratitude

The lifelong view of an individual's life might seem more exciting if it were focused in on a single tumultuous evrnt spanning a day or two. It is true that a person's life seldomly is dramatic st any one point as a Hollywood megatale but the plot. But, formal human tragedy does occur. If Cinderella's entire life were mapped out it would be the same.

For the sake of argument: I think there are plenty of people who are drawn to drama who have never seen movies or read fairy-tales before. This is probably an oversimplification.

Also - real life brings drama that you can't avoid, and I think people like movies and stories that they can relate to because it can help them feel empowered, like they can overcome the obstacles they have in their life and have a better future.

I agree with your theory or thoughts.
Your use of movies, fairy tales and sports are accurate as a part of the stew that is drama. I also believe, along with your thoughts, that the emotions/events trigger the chemicals in the brain being associated with the "feel good" create a Pavlovian worthy training of wanting drama filled lives to feel as if how we are supposed to be feeling or living thanks to the fairy tales.
Then again, most people do not know how humanly dark fairy tales from olden times really were.

True, I have a group of friends, which I meet at Starbucks every day. They should read this.. Here is an example as song title present as a "haiku poem" start here http://www.reverbnation.com/tommycarl/song/21645783--the-group-at-starbucks

I totally agree with this, seeing people waiting for their big break...including myself, guiltily. However, I'd be interested to know, then, why the writers of those original fairy tails (the human race) were so dissatisfied with life as it is emotionally, before fantastical tales started being spun.

Nicely said... Most of the time we're not even aware of how far we go in our dramatizations. Surely, from now on will remember these diagrams, as soon as I start my drama act :)

This is awesome thanks for posting Derek! Reminds me of the TED talk Nancy Duarte gave called, "The Secret Structure of Great Talks." In her talk Nancy suggests that all great talks follow the same up and down pattern that you illustrated in the Cinderella story above. Moving listeners back and forth between what is (awful life evil sisters) to what could be (prince charming), and finally ending at the new norm (happily ever after). Really interesting to see the similarity between what excites and engages people during talks and how people want to view the story of their own lives.
Yes! Nancy is brilliant and I highly recommend her books, too. Thanks for the reminder of how it compares to Vonnegut's drama-drawings. ☺ — Derek

Goodness

Thanks for this post... I really needed to read this!

I am a fairy tale, my life is dramatic, I am four different people

I was just saying this exact thing the other day (not very eloquently).
It is by weird chance that I saw this and ended up here today. Extra weird chance:)
I am happy to have heard of you Derek.

But I like fairytales !!!

This makes so much sense, wow.

To quote Springsteen: Your life was one long emergency.

Time to run away when you see this.

Yes, so true. And there's another 'fascinating' aspect to all this (I think!)

Neat post - which I've recommended here:

http://www.irateinvestment.com/2015/04/27/is-that-normal/

Yes, yes, yes!
An excellent antidote for the Dreaded Drama Triangle is The Empowerment Dynamic, which switches out the Victim (there's one in every drama) for a Creator. Read The Empowerment Dynamic for a full description, super empowering for people stuck in victim mode, especially when they aren't aware of the dynamics at play.

Thanks Liz,
I much prefer that empowerment dynamic to the old drama triangle.
neat flip
Paul

I don't care what he says. KV is a god and if he says it, you'd better believe it! :-P

I'm a massage therapist and I spend all my working hours trying to iron out the drama in people's bodies. I love your post - I'm going to share it with everyone, so that I'm known as the no drama massage queen!
Thank you.
(UK based )

İts soo true. Real life is not a fairy tale. people should recognize it.

Because of they don't know this, because of people think their lives are supposed to be a fairy tales, they everytime get depressed...

İstanbul, Turkey.

I like you. This is great

Hi Derek,
I think it's easier to be a minimalist if you have money. So actually, minimalists are "money-malists" :)

People love fairly tale becasue it always happy ending.
Drama in life sometimes do not want it to happen but can not avoid and not lead to happy ending that is life bring us!

Nice insight(s) - thanks for sharing!

Just ran across this when checking off some of the books on your list. Your insights are helpful. I own a few companies, one of which is a leadership development consultancy. In our work we often deal with 911 communications centers and have sought to address the love of drama as a toxic appetite in the comm centers. I've suggested that drama is a substitute for significance. Your additional insight is great! Thanks.
PS: I get to work with about 50,000 people a year and, when asked who inspires me most regularly, I say you. Thanks Derek for your unwitting support.

De

Founder SCGI
CEO of RMC
Owner Rottweiler Motorcycle Company
Founder RB Community Garages Inc

Thank you for sharing this, it makes things very clear for me in a simple way.

Hi Derek (?),

just watched the conference call you spoke. Got the link sent by Chris Guillebeau. I really liked what you said there, although I am not a entrepreneur and I guess I don't even want to be one . But sure enough you hit a weak spot of mine by referring to Kurt Vonnegut, my all time favorite author. Another beautiful story. Thank you for bringing that forward as well.

Jerome

Right, we are trying to make our life into a fairy tale..it ireminds me the hero's journey: http://www.thewritersjourney.com/hero's_journey.htm

Maybe it's a matter of perspective? That second dip in the "real life" curve looks a lot like the "common disaster story" curve. So depending on how prone you are to ecstasy and misery the two could be identical.

I've been saying this, albeit it not as concisely, for years! This permeates and destroys so many relationships. Excellent read!

Fantastic description of typical life. I suppose to break the boring we have sports, competitions to motivate us and break the norm and give us the fairy tale ending.

I like it more as a story tutorial (though Dan Harmon's is better in some ways). I've never been pro-drama. I may be looking for the fairy tale ending. I'm not sure about that part. I do expect more meaningful things to come into my life over time (and dread those that are dramatic).

This is fascinating. Does this imply we create drama in our lives for our own entertainment? Pretty twisted.
Yep! — Derek

I love Vonnegut. Now that you've reminded me of him I will have to re-read his books.

I don't think this is why we start wars, but I certainly believe it's why young men go off to fight in them. And I believe Vonnegut would've agreed....

So true Derek, thanks for the article. It explains so much about my life! I've always loved stories and can relate to how some of my more extreme behaviors were an effort to defeat the "drudgery" of everyday life.

I grew up moving went to 33 schools
Had sex very young with a few adults and lots of other kids. Got into art
Got into drugs music and dance. Started to work in film and theater.
Found out you can make a movie about any thing you want no matter how strange fantastic of screwed up.
Make comedy or make drama. Film makers get hot girls.... Really

For every excellent, there's an equal and opposite suck.

We feel entitled to amazing lives because we see others having seemingly amazing lives. In reality, the universe balances amazing lives with miserable and chaotic ones.

Humans are narcissistic and self-absorbed. And these traits are inherent.

For every Cinderella, there's a Wendy The Slow Adult, who will not get a kiss from the wealthy and handsome prince.

Would any of us feel so enchanted by the story of Cinderella if she were ugly and old? What if Cinderella were a 35-year-old single mother with stretch marks, three kids and looming bankruptcy? That would be the real fairy tale.

We're driven by self interest, and in a world of limited resources, we want the most for the least. We can exploit these attributes for good and bad from a societal perspective, but they're inherent in us regardless.
☺ — Derek

This is so true! And what perpetuates it, aside from traditional story telling, is the media. Those quick screen shots of a "dramatic scene unfolding" gives people that sense of urgency and drama that they are wired to desire.

I don't have a TV, however a colleague once berated me because at 8am in the morning I was not aware of a bomb attack that had occurred overnight in a European city... my colleague had just come back from a holiday in Africa that had some French people on the same tour who lived 3 hours away from Paris - that factoid made it super dramatic for them!

Take away your access to mainstream media and you can actually 'calm down'and become anti-drama yourself.

I wish there were more people like you in the world Derek, I have always been anti-drama but am surrounded by people who thrive on it...

Brilliantly put... this is why we read and write books... always looking for the silver lining...

Agreed but misses some human understanding. I would add that for many, drama seems like "meaningfulness" and so is in some way a distraction from existential anxiety.
Very good point. — Derek

Hi- I'm South Korean and I watched your Ted lecture today. I got an greeeeat impression. Thanks for your good speech and posts. Bye:)

SO, this is why my spouse is constantly creating " chaos, conflict, over reaction, DRAMA ", in our lives !!! She's ALWAYS being taken advantage of, in the workplace, ALWAYS is the only competent worker, as no one else " does their job " !!! ALWAYS, is somehow the " victim " , of life in general !!! Constantly lies, & embellishes circumstances, accomplishments, etc. I NEVER know when she is being truthful, embellishing details, or, into full-blown fabrication of events. It can never be a normal day, where you go to work & come home, & that's it !!! NO BS, sob story, whining / complaining etc. It is so stressful to try & interact with her, as I am constantly belittled, gaslighted, flat out lied to, & made to feel like a piece of furniture. It seems to me, she is much like a heroin addict, chasing the euphoria of that first high, but in her daily life. Spends all her time on her laptop, trying to dig up dirt on Hillary & find print that praises Trump. EVERYDAY... suddenly, she is an expert on politics, & ALWAYS more informed.....just ask her !!! She has turned into a very ugly person, on the inside !!! Her favorite TV shows are always "REALITY " based drivel, like Real Housewives of this, or that, Dancing with the STARS, etc !!!

Hiya Derek

Love hearing from you - and this story says it all - If only we could get this message out to the world!

Thank you.
Avrilx

Drama in theater and film is the condensation of drama. It is the sticky syrup that when diluted with carbonated water creates the soda. This condensation is used because of time constraints, emotional resonance and dramatic action. Unfortunately, you are correct that so many people have taken what is life edited for maximum effect as life as it should be lived.

Short, sweet, and to the point. Love it!

Hmmm... which is better? Low lows are a bummer, high highs are neat. Perspective is everything. Thanks, D.

What I especially like about this:

* compassionately describes a common compulsion
* doesn't vilify the dramatist
* offers visual explanation
* succinct

Bahahahahaha! So true. Everybody wants to be the "reluctant hero/heroine" in their own epic tale.

From slightly different perspective - as gas expands to fill the container it is in, our emotions expand to fill the lives we lead. Imagine the same peaks and troughs throughout each life, but for one person that peak is passing a law that improves the nations public health, a mid-life trough is losing a child. For another, the peak is winning the high school football game, a mid-life trough is going bankrupt. They feel the same level of emotion even though the first example could be argued to have a higher peak, lower trough. So it is not the events themselves, but their relation to our own lives that dictate their effect on our emotions.

Thanks Derek for your posts, they always have the effect I enjoy most from a good blog post - they make me think.

Now that a fucking great article! I even had the urge to comment altho I never comment on anything.

I would like to echo Matt, #776, it's like Parkinson's law. (work expands etc, paper expands to fill the drawers) Folks in a quiet town can have as much drama from their stuff as New Yorkers do, although New Yorkers might quiet stuff to be trivial, and gossip to be dishonest.

I am sure Jane Austen on a country estate found drama.

If tomorrow there were baseball scandals, and a long strike, well, we wouldn't switch to soccer. No, because we have agreed to get our drama from baseball. (And Canadians won't switch from Ice hockey to lacrosse)

But I won't say anything I've written here out loud because it would be rude since people need their drama so badly.

I say people, not Derek personally: I can't see him painting himself in team colours and shouting in the stands.

Great! Love it. Drama drains.

When I first met him, my taoist teacher asked me:
"Why are you here?"
I answered
"I want you to help me to be happy"

If I was asked the same question now, I would probably answer:
"I want you to help me go through all my life changes with ease..."

To me the whole point is not that much about the amplitude of the ups and down, but rather accepting them as a whole.

I don't chase that "peaks" anymore, I learn to enjoy things in every small ordinary things.
I don't fear that "downs" that much, I know they're what makes me enjoy the 'ups' and that often they're only a matter of perception.

One of my favorite photo is the one we shower, my son and I, under the rain. We just took an ordinary usually "unpleasant" moment and enjoy it in simple way...

In everyone's mind, he/ she is the hero
because actually in some way we are actually blessed by life.
And easy good times happen by sharing our goodness, so we make what can be possible with us based on our abilities and circumstances
and we speak our false experiences and drama to support the hero in self.

I refer 'Hero' because
all of us have some physical abilities, achieving mental abilities and blessing family and friends, |
this all shows us we are good and maybe all the hearts and minds are special in some way by creation.
So, why not drama that i am a hero ;)

This is brilliant!

I was going to give and answer that included 'we'. I realized I can really on speak for myself in the answer to this question. I think it's because I have an innate need for meaning of some sort in this life. This world is not always kind to people who are not educated, pretty, gifted in such noticeable things.
I have not broken a sports record, found a cure for cancer,(I wish someone would), I am not a beautiful actress, singer, great speaker, etc., etc., etc.
I think media and culture can define for us what true success, worth, and happiness is.
I have found being a mother, a good sister & friend, encouraging others and being encouraged to not give up, to be of great worth.
If I take that thought back a little bit, Why do I believe they are of great worth? God has shown me these things. I believe we were made that way. I believe there is something put in us...(I feel I lack the right word to describe this truth), to recognize nobleness, goodness, selflessness, courage....that is if we have not become hardened to such beautiful principles.I guess the things we call character, being true to these traits, even though they are not noticed or entered on a Facebook wall. When I connect to these truths, I find I don't need a fairy tale/drama. I end up feeling very grateful for the life I have been given and I find I am much more compassionate and joyful as well.

I surely like to see life as romantic... Yet I decidedly don't seek drama in my life, if only because I am well aware of my dysfunctional alcoholic relatives who would "almost purposely" mess up whenever life was going along too peacefully. (As in last night's episode of "Mom")

I am romantic, yes, but I deeply believe in honesty. Rigorous, self disciplined self-honesty. And that's all it takes.

As you know, a stenographer is an administrative assistant.

(From the word "sten," meaning narrow, as in the stenographer pads used for taking shorthand dictation. Critics attending plays and concerts like such pads because they fit into their inside blazer pocket)

Funny: President Barak Obama's mentor, Saul Alinsky as a community organizer, always kept in mind a cartoon of two gum chewing stenographers walking down the sidewalk. "You know the problem with real life, Sadie? There's no background music." ...So Alinsky tried to offer people drama.

Another funny: I get a kick out of standing in front of my toastmasters meeting and saying, "I would like to thank you all for being small bit players in the movie about my life."

Very Interesting. I think that this is somewhat true. It's hard to go through life being told and shown story after story without trying to fit your own life into these miniature frames and scenes that are cast in creative works of fiction.

great story

Classic important - sorry if I'm too late - but this is Vonnegut at his best and you encapsulated the whole thing

tell all these people from today on - NO its not the most important world shattering news now with Trump and Putin etc. - it was always thus I am always reminded off Yeats poem the second coming

written in 1919 - when things (the high tower - Tuchman) were really falling apart

The Second Coming
BY WILLIAM BUTLER YEATS

Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.

Surely some revelation is at hand;
Surely the Second Coming is at hand.
The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out
When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi
Troubles my sight: somewhere in sands of the desert
A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
Reel shadows of the indignant desert birds.
The darkness drops again; but now I know
That twenty centuries of stony sleep
Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

even today obsessed with history - we should realise there are maybe a million people in britain, ireland france - who only talk about horses - and for them today is embedded in history and embedded in stability a simple flat story line - that for instance tracks Darley Arabian to Scandinavia - who won the st. leger today - so history isn't actually about drama nor is life - life and history are about stability

in life we need stability NOT drama - drama is to inform us of the possibilities of what happens if we lose stability and satiate our need for change

Darley Arabian (1700) → Eclipse (1764) → Pot-8-Os (1773) → Waxy (1790) → Whalebone (1807) → Nearctic (1954) → Northern Dancer (1961) → Sadler’s Wells (1981) → Galileo (1998) → Australia (2011) → Scandinavia (2022)

So we like drama in our lives because we can't tell the difference between a fairy tale and life? I think the Vonnegut talk is an interesting anecdote, almost like a stand-up joke, and I love the simplicity of the story arcs as they're presented. But I find the premise a little too simplistic, if not patronizing.

In my view, we don't "invent" drama because we want our lives to be fairy tales; we invent fairy tales (and stories in general) to help us make sense of or distract us from the drama of life. Life IS dramatic. People die, fall in love, fall out of love, marry, divorce, have children, lose children, lose sense of purpose, disappoint themselves and others, face life-threatening situations, and so on and on. Every day. (This reminds me of the scene in Adaptation where Brian Cox's character on stage rips Nicolas Cage's character a new one over the question of writing a story in which nothing really happens.)

From my experience, life is NOT like that last picture. It's much more chaotic, much more unpredictable. Things seem to be going your way, and then it takes a huge abrupt turn. Things seem to be quiet, and then all of a sudden you get a cancer diagnosis or your spouse decides to leave you, and your world is turned upside down. To me, life is much more like sailing on the sea; you have quiet moments, scary moments, lonely moments, joyful moments, stormy moments. Stories help us make sense of these moments, or at least distract us from them.

Now I agree we shouldn't add extra drama to it. But oftentimes that extra drama is again just our way to deal with the underlying drama we are too scared to face in life - childhood abuse, traumatic events, unfulfilled dreams, regrets, guilt, etc.