Help My Unbelief!

 

"When they came to the other disciples, they saw a large crowd around them and the teachers of the law arguing with them. As soon as all the people saw Jesus, they were overwhelmed with wonder and ran to greet him.
 “What are you arguing with them about?” he asked.

 A man in the crowd answered, “Teacher, I brought you my son, who is possessed by a spirit that has robbed him of speech. Whenever it seizes him, it throws him to the ground. He foams at the mouth, gnashes his teeth and becomes rigid. I asked your disciples to drive out the spirit, but they could not.”

 “You unbelieving generation,” Jesus replied, “how long shall I stay with you? How long shall I put up with you? Bring the boy to me.”

 So they brought him. When the spirit saw Jesus, it immediately threw the boy into a convulsion. He fell to the ground and rolled around, foaming at the mouth.

 Jesus asked the boy’s father, “How long has he been like this?”

“From childhood,” he answered.  “It has often thrown him into fire or water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.”

 “‘If you can’?” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for one who believes.”

 Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”

 When Jesus saw that a crowd was running to the scene, he rebuked the impure spirit. “You deaf and mute spirit,” he said, “I command you, come out of him and never enter him again.” 

The spirit shrieked, convulsed him violently and came out. The boy looked so much like a corpse that many said, “He’s dead.”  But Jesus took him by the hand and lifted him to his feet, and he stood up.

 After Jesus had gone indoors, his disciples asked him privately, “Why couldn’t we drive it out?” He replied, “This kind can come out only by prayer." 

~Mark 9:14-29~

The man believed Jesus – that’s why he was looking for him - the teacher he had heard about could heal his son! But Jesus is still up on the mountain with Peter, James and John when this story starts.

So the man asked the disciples to heal his son, they tried, they had been sent out before and had cast out demons and healed others, but not this time. When they couldn’t; when nothing changed, the man’s belief wavered, maybe it wasn’t possible…

Then Jesus himself shows up on the scene. There’s a crowd, there are raised voices. The man sees the teacher coming and applies directly to Jesus. This man had just had his hopes dashed, his belief shaken a little…or a lot.

 

Jesus asks the man a question “How long he has been like this?” – a sharp reminder that the years of suffering, of hours, days and nights wondering why, if things could change.
This question likely would have rattled the man - maybe there were only certain conditions in which his son could be healed? Like if the convulsions and seizures had just started happening yesterday, or if the father himself had done something differently with his son when he was younger. Yes, that must be it, maybe there were conditions.
 
 So the man asks Jesus: “If you can…” Hesitancy. Doubt creeping into his request.

“If you can? Everything is possible for one who believes.”

“I do believe; help my unbelief!”

Jesus doesn’t give an explanation to the man’s or his son’s circumstances; he doesn’t give clarity or direct how he should go from here [at least not in the text].
 But Jesus also doesn’t turn away when the man confesses his unbelief. He tells him that everything is possible. And then he heals his son.  

I think this moment would likely become an ‘Ebenezer’ to him. A pillar and monument to his belief.  

An astounding, obvious and very memorable miracle. A moment that comes to mind in the hours, days, years after this incident, when new trials or challenges came and he doubted or struggled to believe [like we all do] thinking back on this moment, helps his unbelief!

The Worship of Rest

"God also said to Moses, “I am the Lord.  I appeared to Abraham, to Isaac and to Jacob as God Almighty, but by my name the Lord I did not make myself fully known to them. 

 I also established my covenant with them to give them the land of Canaan, where they resided as foreigners. Moreover, I have heard the groaning of the Israelites, whom the Egyptians are enslaving, and I have remembered my covenant.

 “Therefore, say to the Israelites: ‘I am the Lord, and I will bring you out from under the yoke of the Egyptians. I will free you from being slaves to them, and I will redeem you with an outstretched arm and with mighty acts of judgment.

I will take you as my own people, and I will be your God. Then you will know that I am the Lord your God, who brought you out from under the yoke of the Egyptians.

And I will bring you to the land I swore with uplifted hand to give to Abraham, to Isaac and to Jacob. I will give it to you as a possession. I am the Lord.’”

Moses reported this to the Israelites, but they did not listen to him because of their discouragement and harsh labor." 

~Exodus 6:2-9~

As I was reading this I was struck by verse 9 - "They did not listen to him because of their discouragement and harsh labor."  

It really must have seemed too good to be true, that God might deliver on His promises - in the previous chapter Moses had gone to pharaoh and though the Israelites were already slaves they were suddenly being worked even harder and life had become truly exhausting. 

They didn't have the energy to consider listening, it was one more thing on top of the 'daily grind'.
 I don't blame them, I've had days and weeks like that myself - where I'm just too tired physically, mentally or emotionally to be in a position to want to hear from God. 

And so it's especially beautiful that after God has lead them up out of Egypt and given Moses the 10 commandments that He makes one of those commandments to have a sabbath day - right after the first three commandments [To not have any gods before him, make idols, or misuse the name of God] He asks His people to make sure they have a day of rest. 
God knows if his people don't have time for rest - freedom/respite from their labor - they won't have the time or energy to listen to God - just as when they were in Egypt. 

And so rest has become an act of worship!  

By the time of Jesus's ministry in Israel the Pharisee's had turned the sabbath day into a regimented day of restrictions (which doesn't sound very relaxing), they had lost the heart of the sabbath day and condemned Jesus for healing on that day [Matthew 12:11-12]. 

To be able to take a break, and just make time to enjoy and delight in the presence of God - that is the point of worship and this example comes to mind from the New Testament: 

"As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him.

She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. 

 But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one.
Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”" 

~Luke 10:38-41~

Martha's preparations and work were an act of worship (not necessarily a bad thing) - although Mary chose better - she took a break to sit at Jesus's feet and just listen - her resting was an act of worship, and what was really needed. 

Not only did God make rest to be an act of worship but it was something God himself did, after he made the heavens and earth He rested [Genesis 2:2-3]. 

It's something people are made to feel almost guilty about in Western culture especially, to hustle until we crash and burn is not something God intended. 

The heart of the fourth commandment still stands: Have a sabbath day - it might not be Sunday, and it might look different for everyone -  

some may take it quite literally and have a nap, it might be a walk out in nature, enjoying a book, spending some time laughing with friends, painting something beautiful, playing around on the guitar, baking or gardening - while none of these are particularly spiritual practices in themselves they are refreshing to the soul and activities in which God can be invited into and space to hear from Him what He wants to speak to you. 

That's the worship of rest; and the rest of worship follows when we are refreshed and ready to listen. 

Call Me Mara

 

 Naomi said, “Return home, my daughters. Why would you come with me? Am I going to have
 any more sons, who could become your husbands? 

Return home, my daughters; I am too old to have another husband. Even if I thought there was still hope for me—even if I had a husband tonight and then gave birth to sons— would you wait until they grew up? Would you remain unmarried for them? No, my daughters. It is more bitter for me than for you, because the Lord’s hand has turned against me!”

¹⁹“So the two women went on until they came to Bethlehem. When they arrived in Bethlehem, the whole town was stirred because of them, and the women exclaimed, “Can this be Naomi?”
 “Don’t call me Naomi” she told them. “Call me Mara, because the Almighty has made my life very bitter.  I went away full, but the Lord has brought me back empty. Why call me Naomi? The Lord has afflicted me; the Almighty has brought misfortune upon me.”

[Ruth 1: 11-13 & 19-21]

 

Naomi was overwhelmed by all that had been going on in her life, several hard years had taken it's toll. 

 Leaving her country, a famine in the land, the death of her husband and sons, returning to her country and having to face her community – to explain (at least in part) all the hurt she was experiencing, and feeling abandoned by all but her foreign daughter-in-law.  

We’ve all been in places where life has taken a toll on us. Causing us to define and see ourselves through the lens of our circumstances. I know I have. 

That’s where Naomi was. “Don’t call me Naomi, call me Mara [Bitter]”.

“Don’t call me _______, call me addicted, depressed, angry, sick, abused, alone, broken…”

May we learn from Naomi that our circumstances, though they may be overwhelming for a season and time, are not our identity. That we do not have to let them become our identity.

One thing that struck me lately is that Jesus as a young Jewish boy would have read and learned scripture to learn about History, His ancestors and…Himself. His own identity.

As we age and mature, there are parts of ourselves we are able to understand more fully and Jesus – in His humanity - did that too.  

Jesus learned, asked questions in the temple, “grew in wisdom” (Luke 2:52) and knew as He searched Scripture that He would be pierced, crushed, persecuted, killed.  
Those were the circumstances that faced Him, what He went through.

 And yet when we describe who Jesus is, we say “He is holy, merciful, righteous, just, powerful, glorified, good!” That is His identity.

That doesn’t mean the circumstances of our lives; what has happened to us, whether good or bad, is unimportant, brushed over or forgotten. May we not fall into the outlook of Naomi. 

Our identity can be found in the same place that Jesus knew His was, in the Father and in the scriptures - as hard as it is to believe some days.

Don’t call me… addicted, depressed, angry, sick, abused, alone, broken

“Call me… redeemed, justified, joyful, forgiven, chosen, loved, holy”

These Are the Good Old Days

 

"These are the good old days" 

read a sign hanging on the wall of a long time acquaintance's house. 

Over the next few days I just kept thinking about that sign. It wasn't my particular style of décor so I honestly was not sure why it grabbed at my heart so much... but as I got thinking about it, I realized that it resonated so deeply because in a way, it's the same message I've been trying to be very intentional about living out over the last several months in my life:  having gratitude, being content about where I am in life and trusting God for what's might be next.  

It can be really hard when you're feeling anxious, unsure about what God has next for you, when you see God answering prayers in your friend's lives and your prayers for your friend's lives but it doesn't seem like you can see Him working in your own. 

 It's hard to admit to struggling with those thoughts and it's hard to get yourself out of that mentality sometimes... So I was reading Psalm 86 and it made me breathe a sigh of relief.

Psalm 86 is a prayer of David, it can't be placed at a specific time in his life (which I find all the more reassuring), but as I was reading it I found three things that spoke to me. 

Throughout the psalm David asks God to: guard his life, save him, hear him, have mercy, bring joy, teach him, and give him an undivided heart (V. 2, 3, 4, 6, 11, 16) 

It takes a lot of trust to ask God for those things. Trusting that He is willing and able do them, that He is pleased and loves to do all those things and more for those who love Him! This is a song about trusting God because He loves us. 

Secondly, David spends the next part of the psalm acknowledging who God is: forgiving, good, abounding in love, compassionate, gracious, slow to anger, faithful, the One true God (V. 5, 10, 15)

Lastly, David records all these pleas, acknowledges and worships God for who He is, for what He's done and still at the very end of the psalm (v17) asks: 

"Give me a sign of your goodness..."

"Give me a sign!"

It's a relief to know that I'm not the only one who knows and trusts God but still sometimes struggles and needs to ask to see a sign of His goodness. 

"Give me a sign of your goodness...for you, Lord, have helped me and comforted me"

 He has done it in the past, He will do it in the future. 

These are the good old days, life is good and God is good, I love who and what I have in my life *right now*, He is working and I will keep asking for signs of His goodness while I wait for what He's got next, knowing that these days are good too! 

Cast

 Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you. 
~1 Peter 5:7~

Cast: an act of throwing something forcefully. 

It's ironic that this definition struck me so...forcefully and really made me sit and reflect. 

Anxiety is an emotion - often caused by worrying or nagging thoughts, tense or uncomfortable situations, and let me tell you I have a lot of emotions and thoughts that flick through my mind throughout any given day or situation - sometimes on repeat and when I'm not busy, I tend to rethink, over-think and...worry. 

When as the last time I actually cast away my cares onto God... Not just pushed my worries before Him, and then basically taken them back with a 'well thanks for listening, now you know I have some problems on my mind and I'm just gonna get onto figuring them all out on my own.'
 Not exactly an exemplary definition of 'cast'. 

Casting my cares on God means that I am separate from what I'm worried about, not that these worries no longer exist or that they aren't pressing but that there is peace instead. 

"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." 
~Philippians 4:7~

This is what happens when we really truly give God our cares, He doesn't want us to carry the burden of our problems, heart aches and sorrows, he wants to give us peace that will be there despite the problems still existing, the pain still fresh, whatever it is. 
Because He cares for us.  

While reflecting on these things I got a neat little picture in my head that really captured that peacefulness, the relief of having all those little worries literally cast away. 

Enjoy! 

Resting Place

 

This may be a little morbid, but some people put a lot of thought and plan where they would like to be buried when they die. Typically, people choose to place they were born or lived the majority of their life, or where their parents/ancestors are buried. 

Nothing is ever a coincidence or accident with God though, not even Jesus's temporary resting place, because Jesus was not buried in a family tomb or in Bethlehem where he was born - but I found it really interesting as I was reading John 19 a detail that has somehow always slipped my notice before... 

 At the place where Jesus was crucified, there was a garden, and in the garden a new tomb, in which no one had ever been laid. Because it was the Jewish day of Preparation and since the tomb was nearby, they laid Jesus there. 

~John 19: 41-42~

I knew that he had been buried in a new tomb, that was not surprising, but I quickly read the burial account in the other three gospels Jesus's burial place is only referenced as 'the tomb' and none of them mention this one detail that John's gospel mentions. 

This tomb was in a garden!

I don't know if this was a common practice for burial places to be in gardens in this culture or time (if anyone does know, let me know!) But like I said earlier, nothing is ever a coincidence with God, and I laughed. 

It is just so fitting that God - who's very heart is for redemption of everything and everyone - would redeem a garden, where original sin came into the world and where that sin was able to be broken forever.  For eternal life to be in a garden once again...and I thought that was just something really beautiful to share! :)  

God Speed

I love going for walks. Either with friends, by myself, with a destination in mind, with no set course. There's something that seems so purposeful about it.  

It is completely intentional and means taking a physical action, even if it is 'just the next step'. 

So I've always thought of it as purely a physical discipline, (like how some people will walk a certain distance or route every day) but as I was reading through scripture I found that, it talks about walking quite a lot - and not just because there were no cars available, so I got thinking...maybe walking is also intended as a spiritual discipline as well. 

The first physical instance is actually modeled by God, He walks in the garden with Adam and Eve [Genesis 3:8], and during his time on earth Jesus could have chosen to take a chariot, or a number of animals to travel on during his ministry and didn't. He chose walking pace. 

This is God speed.

Consistent, unhurried, He was able to guide others on their journey, able to simply invite others to journey with Him. 

God walks with us, and we can walk with Him.

Just as Enoch, Noah, Abraham, Isaac, David (and many others) - the bible says they all walked faithfully with him.  

And He asks us to do so as well! 

 "And now, Israel, what does the Lord your God ask of you but to fear the Lord your God, to walk in obedience to him, to love him, to serve the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul..."

~Deuteronomy 10:12~

 

He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you?

To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.

~Micah 6:8~

The use of the word Walk in the above verses is to indicate 'the way in which someone acts, behaves or conducts themselves', rather than the physical act. 

 There are also several verses that speak about how one can find themselves 'walking' in darkness or wickedness and admonishes us to walk in the light instead: 

"Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. But his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night."

~Psalm 1:1 ~

 "Do not set foot on the path of the wicked or walk in the way of evildoers."
~Proverbs 4:14~

Righteousness and justice are the foundation of your throne; love and faithfulness go before you. Blessed are those who have learned to acclaim you, who walk in the light of your presence, Lord.

~Psalm 89: 14-15~

When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”

 ~John 8:12~

Which is why God has given us His spirit, to help us to choose to and continue to walk in the light! To conduct ourselves as God would!

 "So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh." 

~Galatians 5:16~

 "Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God." ~Ephesians 5:1-2~

And so this spiritual discipline of walking is very important. Just like the physical journey, it's intentional, purposeful.

The majority of the time it is not easy. 

Sometimes it's flat plateau, where things are clear or routine Sometimes it's uphill...or (seems like) up-mountain...

But God has said:

"I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God and they will be my people."

~2 Corinthians 6:16~

"I am not writing you a new command but one we have had from the beginning. I ask that we love one another. And this is love: that we walk in obedience to his commands. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in love."

 ~2 John 1: 5-6~

God, help us to walk in step with You, whatever that may look like in our lives! 

Amen! 

As the Deer

Hello again!

I haven't felt inclined to write anything significant on here in a couple months. Today I just wanted to share something I've sketched and a few words on it.

~Psalm 42:1~ 

The next verse of this psalm says: 
My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God? 

The last few months I've had the word 'Steady' on my heart, and there is quiet beauty that this picture has put in my mind to go along with that word as I drew it.

 As the deer comes to the stream each day, it spends it's time there, enjoys the stream and all that it offers, and comes back again. May we always come back to the stream because we want to - not just because we need to. 
Consistently coming to God and being with Him, sharing your heart with Him, has just seemed especially beautiful to last few months, in the midst of a world turned upside down in a pandemic. God is steady, and He is faithful.

Hallelujah!

This Is How

I was reading through Colossians over the weekend and chapter 3 really stood out to me, and within that I had these three distinct sections in the chapter stand out in my mind:


"Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. 2 Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things"~Colossians 3:1-2~

"Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. 6 Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. 7 You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. 8 But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. 9 Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices 10 and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator."  ~Colossians 3:5-10~ 

 "Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts" ~Colossians 3:16~


And I felt in my spirit that there was a connection between the groups of verses that stood out but wasn't quite sure what it was (besides a nice dose of conviction), and then finally it connected that these verses are in their essence, all about worship!  

Worship is our acknowledgement, our reply, our response to God, whether in thought, attitude or action. 

So in the first couple verses, the response to God is setting our hearts and minds on things above -both are mentioned in those two verses, our thoughts and our attitude! 
In verses 5-10, the focus is on our actions as a response to God in worship. By turning away, putting to death the old self 'with its practices'  Not just thinking that maybe you really should, probably... not do this thing or that thing. 
And in verse 16 the response is both a thought and an action as a form of worship. Dwelling on the message of Christ (thought), and then to teaching, admonishing, and singing (all actions)!
 I also noticed that this verse involves both individual worship - thinking or dwelling on the things of God, as well as group worship - teaching, counselling others, singing to God together..etc. 


After reading this chapter, thinking on it for a few days and talking to God about it, I asked Him, 'How do I worship You?'
It sounds like a silly question,  but I thought of the areas where I could better cultivate that worship in my thoughts and attitude and in my actions as well. He knows us better than we know ourselves - and He told me some things I was surprised by, but they were really neat to hear!

So I really encourage you to ask God about how YOU worship Him- not just how you usually do, or how you like to and let Him answer, some of the things He says might surprise you. 

Blessings! 

With You

When God calls us to action, to vocation, to anything He asks of us, and we can sometimes (or often) tell ourselves that we are not strong enough, wise enough, talented enough, good enough, etc.

It seems like a strange sort of humility to say these things even, but what you think of yourself , your abilities and whatever degree of struggle in regards to self-worth, God does not satisfy our vanity. God-the Lord, will very gently put our minds elsewhere if we give those things to Him, we don't need to fish for compliments for others to tell us our worth or hope to be validated by people. 
Before we were born He set us apart, He appointed us to something.


When God called Moses from the burning bush, telling him He was sending him to Pharaoh to bring the Israelites out of Egypt; Moses replied "Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?"
And God said "I will be with you" [Exodus 3:11-12]

And God told him the signs that it was Him and what He would do.
God did not tell Moses that he would be great, that he was a really good people person, or super creative or so totally awesome that'd he'd be able to pull off this huge accomplishment based on his own merit or experiences or abilities; not that God doesn't use those things, He can and will. But the most important thing He says is that "I will be with you"!

The same is said to Joshua,  Moses' successor, "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go" [Josh. 1:9]

And ultimately Jesus, says that He himself will be with us, along with the helper (His holy spirit), "will be with us to the end of the age" [Matt 28:20].

And that is super encouraging! :)

Love is Patient

"Love is Patient"

 [1 Corinthians 13:4]

 
I've always read this verse (and the rest of the passage) on a very surface level.
 God is love, so therefore God is patient - this is true, But it's more than that and I've been learning what it looks like in different relationships.  .

I know what the word patience means, but in my thoughts and my attitude though, it always meant that you 'have to' wait for something.
Technically true.

However I did look up the definition, because that's something I like to do and often gives more meaning to a word than the general concept in my head and it says:
"Able to accept or tolerate delays, problems, or suffering without becoming annoyed or anxious"

Which is way different than just having to wait for something, because it is very hard to do so in any situation, without anxiousness, annoyance or... complaining! 


So what does that look like? 

With romantic relationships it means being patient with each other though I can't specifically speak to that, since I am not in that kind of relationship, 

 So, for me right now, it means having patience and doing good to my future partner now, living well while waiting to meet that special someone and instead cultivating it within my friendships. 

So in friendships, this means to walk along-side my friends as they work through their own flaws, problems and encourage them on in the waiting times and the suffering (and the joyful) times in life to live out holiness through it all.  
To not complain about where my friends are in their journey but to encourage even when they stumble or don't have patience with themselves. To allow them to also have patience with me when I face the same things, and when I stumble. 
And also in my own life to not complain or worry about where I am in life verses where I think I should be. 

Another area of this that the Lord has been teaching me in is in concerns of my unsaved loved ones. Being patient in this area means persevering in prayer for them (a lot, without giving up), and equally as important, having the patience to trust God's wisdom in the timing and plan for their lives as well (again, all without anxiousness or complaining)! 

So that's what has been on my heart,
Hallelujah! 

Healing and Holiness

The past two months I've taken a lot of time to think, pray, journal and needed a lot of time to work things out with myself and with God about some deeply rooted thoughts and beliefs,
such as what I believe about marriage and family, relationships, generosity, friendships and anger or bitterness over things from my past. I've been taking them apart, examining what my experiences tell me, what God says about them, and what He can do with it.

Taking those things and allowing Him to *actually* have them, this little part of my heart that said
 "No, this is how it is and how it will always be because this is what I know"  I had kept all those darkest and painful 'truths' away from Him - because it's been there so long, most of my thoughts and attitudes decided upon as a pre-teen. By really giving them to God it meant knowing in my heart I'll have to give up that part of me that is 'allowed' to be bitter and angry and deeply sad about the past, clinging to lies that only create bigger strongholds, bit still knowing in my head that.. yea, God could change these things and what they are and mean to me but believing in my heart that it doesn't really matter.
There was a block from head knowledge to heart knowledge.

So I wrote out a list of lies I believed, and over the next few weeks when those things would come up in my thoughts I actually listened to the words that I thought... and then compared it to what God says is His way of how it should be and let me tell you I was surprised how back and forth my opinions were on some things - because I do know about what the bible says about marriage, about family, about bitterness and about joy and about many other things that I struggled with.

So the next step is telling those thoughts, and  the experiences I'd had were the only version of what could exist for me, that they were a lie.
This was true, this did happen, but I am new and do not have to hold on to this. That is what I started to hold on to instead.

I had a good cry about a good number of things, things I hadn't cried about in a long time, because i felt numb in what i believed  ...(because it could never change while i held onto it) but grieving over things allowed me to move on, to replace that belief with what the Lord says and what He's been telling my heart in all of this

And it has been so freeing, like a literal weight falling off of me, a darkness that can no longer hold me down!
 I'm not done yet, it will be a long and slow process, but I'm very glad for what has happened so far. It has allowed me to surrender more back to God, it's building character and transforming me, making me whole, and making me holy!

"If anyone is in Christ She is a new creation, the old is gone, the new is here" 

[2 Corinthians 5:17] 

"The Lord knows those who are His" 

[2 Timothy 2:19]

Hallelujah! :)

Jesus and the Great Divide

I've been reading through Matthew lately and have been thinking a lot about a particular spot in chapter 10. In verse 34 Jesus says "Do not suppose I have come to bring peace to earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword." 

Huh? This statement has confused me each time I happen across it... what does He mean? I thought He was the prince of peace? As I've thought on it I've had a few insights I'd like to share.

Of course verse 34 is placed right in between Jesus saying that "whoever acknowledges Him before others, He will acknowledge before the father / whoever disowns Him before others He will disown before the Father" and "I have come to turn a man against his father, a daughter against her mother" 

A few chapters later Jesus is talking about the Parable of the sower in Chapter 13, about the different responses or reactions to the seed or the word, because Jesus is telling the crowds and His disciples that people are going to have different responses to who He is and what He says.

He is creating a great divide.

One in the here-and-now, turning a man against father and daughter against mother.
Another in the final judgement, those who acknowledge Him and those who don't.

"Whoever is not with me is against me" [Matt.12:30]
"The sheep and the goats" [Matt. 25:32]

"For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart" [Hebrews 4:12]

You are either on one side of the sword or the other. The people of His culture were divided and the divide became more obvious as the distinction between those who followed Him and those who didn't grew. 

Yet, while Jesus has caused a great divide on earth, He is also repairing the great divide that sin has caused.

" The death he died, he died to sin once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God. 

 In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus."

[Romans 6:10-11]

"For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we will certainly also be united with him in a resurrection like his." [Romans 6:5]

Hallelujah! 

Drawing

Three weeks ago, out of the blue, I picked up my sketchbook grabbed some pencils and knew I needed to draw something.
Now I love art but most of my focus has been on the mediums water colour and photography the last couple years. So normally when I get the inclination to draw or sketch there is a reason.


I sat staring at a blank page when God told me to draw a hand reaching out.

As soon as I finished drawing that and adding the details to it, He told me to draw a pedestal, so I did. Then He said... draw many more, fill the page with them. Next he said to draw things on top of the pedestals. Then a sludgy looking bog, with a few of the pedestals sinking into it.

Then God gave me the significance of it.

That we have so many idols within our grasp. Some are bigger than others, some are higher than others, but they will all sink eventually.

The more I looked at it the more parallels seemed to pop out at me. Artistically speaking it's sort of a miserable looking piece, it feels chaotic, the landscape is bleak and unappealing, everything is slightly askew, it is certainly not beautiful and the longer I looked at it the more depressed I felt.

Since I had no plan of drawing this it was particularly significant and I think God will use it to be a message and reminder to myself and others.

Here it is:

Hey Bud!

I've had an interesting month where I've been asking God a lot about 'what's next' in my life.

And I kept asking... what's next? And...God says, wait, I am working. 

One morning, I was feeling particularly down about something, and God asked me to go to the window and look at the maple tree in my backyard. It's a big ol' tree and the branches hang down a bit, so I got a good view. 

We seem to be having a late Spring here so the tree is still just budding at the end of May.

 Some of those buds are closer to turning into full fledged leaves while others are still closed up, some are higher up in the tree, at the beginning of a branch, some in the middle, some at the ends,  some are in bunches and some have their own little twig and are budding on their own. 

I really did spend a long time looking at the different branches and state of budding process. 

Later in the afternoon I was way at the back corner of my yard, looking at the tree from a different angle (and distance) and the tree looked completely bare. You could hardly see any green on it, even though I knew perfectly well from my earlier inspection that there was lots growing and happening on that tree! 



It reminded me of Isaiah 43:19:

See, I am doing a new thing!

    Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? 

Do you not perceive it?  And No... a lot of the time we don't perceive it.  

I keep expecting big things, grand changes when asking what's next.

But honestly, the Lord has been teaching me and showing me all sorts of different little things this year - all of which are really valuable, that I say 'God I want to be more faithful in this or that' and it really has been helping me grow! 

I may not be where this or that person is in a certain area of my life.

And that's okay, I don't need to be.  And neither do you.

Looking at that tree God taught me that the evidence of a bud is a promise of  a bloom! 

And I just need to look closely to perceive it and wait for it to show! 

Can't Get No Satisfaction

All throughout the bible God tells us to be thankful and praise Him for what we have and what He has done. And rightly so, He deserves it all!

[There; that is a whole blog post in in itself, but I will go on]

Because I know God, I know He has our best in mind when He asks things of us, such as being thankful and praising Him for it.
There have been many scientific studies done that show people who are thankful for what they have are generally happier both mentally and emotionally.
 This doesn't particularly surprise me because God made us and knew gratitude and thankfulness would be good for us, mentally and emotionally. .

I also know that God is most concerned for our spiritual needs.

In my own life I've noticed that when I tend to be neglectful of being thankful, well... then I start to grumble about this little thing or that little thing and I suddenly find myself in an attitude where I am not satisfied with my life (!) in the season and place and circumstances God has placed me. And THAT is dangerous.

Thinking on my own life, all the times that I've chosen willful sin is because I wasn't satisfied with something. I was looking outside of the sphere of my own life into others to see what they had and I didn't and searching for...something else. It's a slippery slope, as you search for something else, you neglect the people and things in your life that ends up causing more problems.

I think many have been in this place, are still there or are slipping into it.

Saying this I don't believe it is wrong to pray for a change in circumstances or things that you do not have, but I've learned that it is important to wait on God and be content in that duration of time.
This helps in not falling into the stronghold of dissatisfaction.
 But God is faithful and able to bring you out from this place, which is just one more thing to thank Him for!

These verses from Psalm 63 [1-5] I found particularly beautiful:

You, God, are my God,

    earnestly I seek you;

I thirst for you, my whole being longs for you,

in a dry and parched land

    where there is no water.

I have seen you in the sanctuary
and beheld your power and your glory.

 

Because your love is better than life,

    my lips will glorify you.

 

I will praise you as long as I live,

    and in your name I will lift up my hands.

 

I will be fully satisfied as with the richest of foods;

    with singing lips my mouth will praise you.

Be satisfied my friends!