lebih slow dari siput...

tomorrow it's going to be the eighth week i'm in putrajaya. as i was driving back here this afternoon, one stunning realisation hit me. my husband has been coming to see me every week...without fail, mind you.

8 weeks mean 8 crying sundays. tp td baru aku perasan...husband aku pun sedih jgk. but he's very good at hiding it. lambat betul aku nak fikir benda ni. slow giler...siput pon lg cpt fkr kot. patut la fazna selalu ckp "fikir...fikir k". aku klu sedih, nangis. dia lain. now baru aku faham. klu dua2 nangis...ape akan jadi?

so...he's the anchor of our ship. he's the stronger one. thank God for that. harapkan aku...xtau la ape jd. dh lama the ship sinks.

weekend ni mcm2 kami buat. fazna drove from ch on friday ptg dh. mlm baru smp. kesian aku tgk. but my niece has undergone a heart surgery in ijn last week. kami blm tgk dia. kesian nuha, baru 7 tahun. dh 3 kali operate.

tp org ckp di sebalik ujian dari Tuhan ada blessings. at time like this we found that the family grows stronger. thank you so much to kak sa & family, abg da & nadia and my former students yg dtg visit nuha.

sabtu aritu aku akhirnya berjaya masuk kelas jahit manik. s'thng yg dh lama aku nk buat. fazna sgt supportive. pg2 lg htr aku gi tpt course tu. ptg terpaksa dia tgu lama kt luar cos kami finish much later than the scheduled time. tp byk sgt ilmu dh bljr...x sbr nk start beading. i'm a BEADER now...hehe

so sweet of fazna, dia dh tkr dashboard keta kancil aku. dia ckp yg lama aircond jauh sgt. and the new seat cover. aku blm ckp tq lg kt dia. x tau la dia notice or not. aku cuma bg dia 1 snickers. tp dia lupa nk amik.

then he bought me some dried kiwi. dan keropok goreng. dok sini sorg2, tgk benda2 yg dia bg ni pon aku dh x tahan. asyik nangis je.

pg td dia cuci dan kemas keta aku. i cooked him a simple b'fast. x sedap aku rasa, tp dia ckp sedap.

kdg2 kita terlupa yg Tuhan dh bagi kita yg terbaik. bg aku my husband adlh insan terbaik bg aku. dia senyum ke, gelak ke, marah ke, ape ke...dia sentiasa yg terbaik.

when your words are no longer needed...

life...can be so complicated sometimes. but...it shouldn't be. life is easy if you choose to live it easy way. no emotions involved. just pure rational. these are thoughts of some people...and i am trying to follow.

one day your words (and the meanings they carry) mean everything to certain people. next day...they may no longer be considered meaningful. and your words are no longer needed. so i withold...

Ramadhan is looming over. with promises of many barakahs from the Lord. i pray for good health of my loved ones...families and all. and i pray for a stronger heart...for days to come.

half way through...

just finished talking to fazna. cry for a while. ayah tok kt hospital. tomorrow he's due for an endogram. hope e'thng will be ok. mamatok, as usual, nak masak utk semua org, nak layan cucu, nk jaga ayah tok, etc.

i'm back in putrajaya. took a flight, a bus, an a train...smp jgk kt putrajaya. all the way...coughing and sniffing, and pretending to be cool. inside...seribu satu perasaan ada. sad, homesick, missing fazna, missing the rest of the family, etc. physically, tekak sakit and berhingus. hehe. kesian mat saleh kt sblh aku dlm flight. mesti dia takut kna H1N1 tgk aku asyik batuk dan bersin je.

now i'm half way thru the course. another 4-5 months to go. thinking a lot about family lately. nxt week nuha plak due for anther operation in ijn. at times like these, i cant help but realize that no matter what comes our way, family should always be on top of our priority list. no compromise.

fazna slalu tanye what makes me so unhappy here. and i ask myself the same question. i dont have the answers...only the fact that i miss him so much. in him, i found a friend, a confidante, the other half of me. fazna said there should be colours in life...at times he is my motivator, my sparring partner, my advisor, and my biggest critic. would i rather have it any other way? NO!!! I would be the first to admit that i am not perfect. and so does fazna. but we're perfect for each other.

we may not always understand each other. no matter how hard we try to explain. but some other times...we just understand it perfectly...without any explanation. we may not have all the wealth like other couples do. and we dont get to see each other a lot. but what we have...the laughters, the tears, we share. and that's what matter.

finally settled down...

salam.

arini pindah rumah sewa baru. rasa lega sgt. kurang skit sedih. felt like a heavy burden has been lifted off my shoulder. thanks to him. and ija. and tina also. (these 2 strangers do not have a clue that their hospitality means a lot to me)

now time to focus on my job. cant wait to complete this stage and move forward. i guess everyday kna bzkan diri. baru x de masa nk layan rasa sedih.

i dont know how other women yg staying away from their husband survive. i admire them. as for me, it's a day-to-day struggle. i hope time will pass us by quickly.

i cant thank my husband enough for coming to see me every week since i'm in putrajaya. maybe he shares my sadness. or maybe it's a wisdom that the good Lord gives to him to know that i really need him. whatever it is, i really appreciate it. and i thank God for every blessings.

hate to say this. but sambil dok taip ni pun cry lagi. confirm ramai org menyampah baca blog ni. hehe. nevertheless, it's our story.

till next post. so long...

another test...

here are some pictures at my practicum school. we're going into the 4th week. i'm counting every minutes. can't wait to finish it all.

gbr2 were taken last wednesday. some pics in my class and some were taken when i was the mc for perasmian bulan kecergasan & kesenian at the school. was i nerveous? u bet i was. tp seronok dgn budak2. i never thought i could fell in love with the profession.

that was the brighter days. now it's all cloudy. things happened sometimes. and u never know who your true friend is. people come to you when they need something from u. the minute they see u in trouble, they fly away. so much for a good friend.

i might move out soon. very soon i hope. fazna said i need to hang on just for another 2 months plus. i felt guilty cos he has to come down from cameron highlands every weekend since my practicum started. but it's so miserable here. i appreciate it more than anything.

seeing everything from another point of view, maybe it's just another test from Him. He knows i can handle it. heck if i'm going to give up. never.

i'd like to express my heartfelt gratitude to my husband for standing by through it all. i love u so much.

aku cikgu baru belajar...

i am now in putrajaya, undergoing 12 months of teaching practicum at sk putrajaya presint 14 (1). arini baru hari ke-2 kami kt sekolah (ain, moly, fitri and i).

xkan kami lupa pengalaman masa 1st day. dh la nerveous, baru kt tempat ni. pening sgt. nsb baik x sesat gi sekolah. keta plak mati kt traffic lite. malu skit je, semangat nk gi sekolah lg kuat.

i think God have given us so much blessings because kami dpt sekolah yg ok. even though it's a new school, tp the school management is very helpful and supportive, guru pembimbing ok. dan x lupa jgk guru2 lain yg very friendly and x kedekut berkongsi ilmu & pengalaman with us.

however, baru 2nd day...so, nothing much to write. hopefully it's going to be a wonderful and fruitful journey. so much to learn here.

on the other side of life, i miss fazna very much. he said this is one of the "stages" that we have to go through. all we need is patience, hardwork and lots of prayers...we'll come out just fine.

insyaAllah...

tak puas cuti...

arini saturday dh. esok fazna balik ch. boringnya. and sedih of course. thank God we're in the same field. so, cuti pun sama2. cuti 2 minggu ni heaven sgt. hari2 mkn best. mkn best ni bkn mkn mahal2 kt hotel ke, etc. ni mkn kt rmh yg nk mkn ape pn mesti dpt. x lupa jgk kenduri e'where. tahniah to adik ana (sepupu fazna) yg kawin on 3rd june. comel sgt dia.

mak mertua rajin masak. fazna la yg tukang ckp nk mkn ape. mesti dpt punye. hehe. pastu bkd2 nk mkn mcm2, kami pun tumpang skali. rezki kn. ketam, udang, nasik impit, pajeri nenas,
siput...hehe. durian, buah kuinin, dan plg enjoy mkn colek mangga. fazna la tkg kait mangga, melayan isteri dia yh gila asam.

aktiviti time cuti ialah makan, tido, rilek, tgk french open, gi pantai, main badminton, layan budak2, naik motor round kampung hehe. fazna plak suka layan internet. other than these byk lg benda lain kami buat i.e. tlg kt dapur, repair paip rmh mek, cat tpt letak pasu mamatok, tlg mamatok masak, and other usual chores.

last tuesday we went to husm for my o & g appointment. alhamdulilah e'thng seems ok. just awaiting other results. biasa la, muda pun sakit jgk. x semestinya tua baru sakit. tp alhamdulillah so far ok je.

smlm 1st time bwk my new car dtg kl. from pasir mas to kl. tuhan je la tau penatnya badan. fazna with his car. kesian kt dia. terpaksa ikut je keta wife dia yg sgt mencabar dr segi kelajuan...esp time naik bukit. hehe

alhamdulillah smp dgn selamatnye. tp smp2 je trus merasa penangan jam kt kl ni. truk betul.

hopefully nxt time ada cuti pjg lg. blh spend more time wth fazna. so long...