Rabbit At Rest

Prophet of suburban adultery is dead. Three days ago, John Updike jumped upon the cancer train and passed away whilst clutching a few Pulitzers to his chest. Though considered one of the great male narcissists in literary history, Updike's legacy will be hard to surpass. Updike has seemingly published a novel a year for the past 50 years, and has been included in every week's edition of The New Yorker. But by far, his greatest accomplishment came in November of last year when the editors of the UK's Literary Review awarded Updike with their Bad Sex in Fiction lifetime achievement award. This award "celebrates crude, tasteless or ridiculous sexual passages in modern literature." Seriously, who wants a Faulkner award or Caldecott medal when there's a phallus to be won?!

Keychainge

In the spirit of Obama, it's time for a change.

I need a new keychain. The one I currently have is actually a tube of pepper spray. While I feel ultra protected from being perp'ed, I think it's too bulky. Most of all, I'm worried that I'm gonna accidentally spray it one of these days. Even worse, Baby plays with my keys a lot and I can just imagine what would happen if she figured out how to give it a little spritz...

But the problem is, I don't know what type of keychain to choose. With the pepper spray, I was going for a sense of security. Prior to this, I went for fashion. I sported my over-priced Coach leather valet key fob. Do I fall back into diva mode again and buy the $65 Juicy Couture Nardels Heart keychain? Before you yell at me, saying I'm crazy for wanting to spend $65 on a keychain...this fob is not only fashion friendly, it's technologically acute. In fact, this item is only disguising itself as a keychain. In reality, it's a flash drive! The heart opens to reveal a fully functional USB port key, making the outrageous price completely justifiable.

The second choice is to appeal to my sentiments. For only $39.88, I can be the proud owner of a Gear Head 1.4" digital photo keychain from Poomart. And of course, I would fill it with a billion obnoxiously tender pictures of Baby cuddling with Daddy on the couch, fast asleep. The best part about this keychain, it comes in faux croc! It'll match perfectly with my faux croc heels!!!

I could go for the super trendy. (Side note: sushi will never be just a trend to me. It is the nectar of the gods, as far as I'm concerned. All these other stupid people who think they're cool and cultured cuz they go to the sushi bar...try eating some of the raw stuff once in a while...posers.)

Perhaps I'll pay homage to my Hawaiian heritage.

Maybe I'll flaunt my favorite sports.


Or do I just stay classic?



What's your vote??

Tenderness for what you are and respect for what you may become

Little Lolli-
I can't believe how quickly you've grown! Already, I'm planning your birthday luau. You're almost 1 year old! You're so big!! I miss how small and tiny you used to be. And how you would just sleep and cuddle in my arms. Now, you're such a wiggly worm! I can barely get you to sit still long enough to change your panties! But regardless of how mobile you've become, you still let me cuddle you and like me to rock you while we sing together. But you've definitely begun to choose favorites. Every time you have a crying fit and Daddy tries rocking you, you flail around, searching for my arms. While you'll probably grow up to become a Daddy's girl, I'm loving the Mommy preference right now!

Since last month, you've learned how to clap and have sprouted two more teeth. Now, you have a buck tooth smile that always makes me laugh every time I see it! You're also beginning to wave. The other day, Keizya Baby was over and was crawling around behind the couch. You were being a little birdie, standing at my leg in the kitchen, hoping I'd drop some food in your hungry little mouth. But between bites, you'd turn around, smile at Keizya, and wave to her frantically! You've also begun waving to your reflection in the mirror every time you catch her smiling back at you. You're still doing the two-handed "Autsitc" wave, but I bet you'll get the one-hander down soon enough. In the meantime, continue to pull yourself up on the couch, and cruise around on the furniture. Soon, you'll be walking. I dread that day. You destroy the house enough as it is just with crawling. Once you start walking, no book, telephone line, or laptop will be safe from your terror!

Though I love you as a little baby girl, I'm so excited for you to grow older. I anticipate the beautiful, independent, and probably divalicious woman I know you will become. And as you get older, I hope your testimony of the gospel will grow with you. I look forward to that special day, years from now, when I can sit in the sealing room and watch you promise yourself to your own eternal companion. But until then, I'm perfectly content with rocking you in my arms and singing. I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always. As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be.

xoxo
Mommy

Changing of the Guard

I'm only gonna say this once:
This post is sure to piss some people off. But, I don't really care. I don't really even know what I'm talking about anyways.



Today documents the 44th changing of the guard. That's right. There's a black man finally in the White House. Yay for African Americans everywhere...well, Halfricans really. So with a new face in the Oval Office, I'm expecting to see some of these promises come to life. Get ready for some CHANGE, America.

1) Stimulus Package
The Obamanator has proposed a new stimulus package of $188 billion over two years. I'm hoping that it's gonna go down like a Publisher's Clearing House sweepstakes. I expect a knock on the door with cameras and balloons and an over-sized check made out to Cash for $188 billion. That should cover rent for the next couple years, I think.

2) Flood protection
So maybe I won't get a check for the whole $188 billion. It's rumored that part of the stimulus package will go toward infrastructure improvements. So what does this mean? Obama's gonna build a 500 foot wall around New Orleans?

3) ObamaCare
I can't wait for this one-size-fits-all health care program. It'll be like Red Box. I'll drive up to McDonald's, swipe my credit card, and out will pop a baby! And for this convenience, it's only gonna cost about $1.2 trillion over 10 years.

4) Redistribution of Wealth
While Obama promises to cut taxes for the middle class, he's essentially promising to raise taxes paid by higher earners. He claims that he's just trying to spread the wealth around. Here's a brief outline of his plan:

• Increase the top individual income tax rate by 13% and the second individual income tax rate by 10%.
• Increase the capital gains tax rate by 33%.
• Increase the tax rate on dividends by 33%.
• Raise the top payroll tax rate by between 16%-32%.
• Implement protectionist trade policies and higher tariff taxes.

Sound familiar? In 1931, the corporate tax rate jumped nearly 15%, estate taxes were nearly doubled, and individual income taxes were increased. Thank you Hurbie. The Depression was great.

5) Return of the troops
The Congressional Budget Office estimates a savings of $90 billion if the soldiers were pulled out of Iraq. When referring to the these savings, Obama promises new roads, more teachers, more scholarships, and new schools. Pretty much, whatever group of people he's addressing, Obama promises them that money. I wonder what else that $90 billion can buy; rebuilding the military ($7 billion/yr); education initiative ($18 billion/yr); and energy initiative ($15 billion/yr). Of course, that's on top of the $188 billion stimulus package and the $1.2 trillion he needs for healthcare. So again, the savings from bringing the troops back with cover all that, right?

I hope most of you are excited about Barak being in office as I am. Break out your American flag tee's and Qu'rans. In Obama we trust.

College Professors

For being some of the smartest people in academia, they have got to be some of the stupidest, most helpless people I know. How can you tell me that you have published articles on numerical solutions of partial differential equations, yet you don't know how to open an email attachment? You've given lectures in D.C. on enumerative combinatorics but you can't make the copy machine collate your documents? I don't understand.

2008 Favorites

The other night, I caught some of the Golden Globe Awards. It got me thinking of the movies I enjoyed this past year and what my picks would have been. I then thought back to a post that my dear ol' Shavs threw up on her blog about her favorites and least favorites of 2008. With both of these thoughts in hand, I thought I'd create my own list. (I guess I should have created this list a while ago, since we're already 2 weeks in to the new year. Oh well. I'm doing it now.)

Favorite moments of 2008

• The birth of Lālea
• Graduating
• Spending the day at Glorietta Beach in Coronado
• Eating dim sum in Vegas
• The Deer Valley weekend
• Watching Sopranos while eating bread and butter
  
• Dancing hula for a ward activity
• Watching Ryan play rugby
  

Not-So-Hot Moments of 2008

• Quitting school and work to go on bed rest
• Weekly visits to triage
• Moku, poo blasting his cage and getting it all over the carpet
• The boys' attempts at building hydrogen fuel cells
• Trading in the 916 area code for the 801
  
• Thinking we might have to move in to my mom's
• Trying to get a hip hop routine together for a ward activity
  
• The Comp4x4 shopping cart breaking down
• Family DRAMA
• Sarah Palin

Disappointments of 2008

• Twilight movie
• Mitt Romney dropping out of the race
• Scarlett Johansson's album, Anywhere I Lay my Head
• Releasing Britney Spears from treatment
• Emergency bailouts
• The ignorance of Prop 8 supporters
  

Greatest Movies from 2008

• Dark Knight
• Be Kind, Rewind
• The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
• Sweeny Todd
• The Fall

Best Songs of 2008

• No Air - Jordin Sparks and Chris Brown
• Kiss Kiss - Chris Brown
• Paper Planes - MIA
• New Soul - Yael Naim
• Disturbia - Rhianna
• Sensual Seduction - Snoop Dogg

Best Reads of 2008
(not necessarily books that were published in 2008, but those that I happened to read in 2008)

• The Last of the Menu Girls - Denise Chavez
• Pillar's of the Earth - Ken Follett
• Night - Elie Wiesel
• Caramelo - Sandra Cisneros
• Breaking Dawn - Stephanie Meyers
• Index to English, Eighth Edition - Ebbitt & Ebbitt

There you have it. In my opinion, some of the greatest and not so great moments of 2008. What were some of your bests and worsts???

High School Kids

Really, what more needs to be said? They're loud, obnoxious, and travel in packs. I like to think I wasn't as gay when I was in high school....

...I probably was.

New Year's Resolutions

I have been hesitant to state my resolutions just yet because I wanted them to be fully formed before implementing them...not simply ideas or things I'd like to do this year. Instead, I wanted my resolutions to be specific and be backed by a plan. And, I think I've finally gotten everything organized and to my liking. So, here goes. I've first listed the goal, then I've listed ways that I plan on accomplishing it.

1) Become more involved in the ward

• attend ALL 3 church meetings
• join one of the ward's intramural teams
• complete my visiting teaching each month, and have a better attitude about VT in general
• attend book group
• attend ward temple nights (first one is January 15th!)
• magnify my calling by arranging musical numbers for relief society

2) Run a 5K

• complete a minimum of 20 minutes of cardio workout at least 3 days a week
• follow a running workout plan
• track my running minutes

3) Manage a healthier lifestyle

• NO SODA!!!
• consume at least 8 cups of water a day
• track my caloric intake, consuming between 1200-1500 calories a day
• create a weekly dinner menu and shopping list

4) Save money

• cut up credit cards
• pay more than the minimum payment on credit card and school loan
• pay a full tithe
• cut back on eating out
• buy off-brand groceries
• take advantage of KSL, craigslist, and Ebay whenever possible

5) Implement more constructive family time

• cook meals at home and eat together as a family
• take baby on walks in her wagon and do more outdoor activities
• help Ry prepare for the GMAT, or create an environment for him that's conducive to studying
  
• have family prayer every night
• begin holiday traditions
• read one Ensign article a week in place of FHE

Wow, when I put them all in writing, it looks like a really extensive list. Maybe I should have started smaller. Or, maybe one of my goals should have been to complete at least one goal! Wish me luck!

Redneck Weekend

Due to ACL reconstruction surgery followed by pregnancy, I haven't been able to go snowboarding for the past two season. As this is my first season ailment free, I've been DYING to get back on my board. And since Ry and I are broke, we've been keeping our eyes out for discount lift passes. It turns out that Brighton offers 2-for-1 night boarding passes every Friday with x96 freeloader cards. With the discount, it works out to be $16 a ticket. I could definitely afford that. But, the problem was, I had to get a freeloader card and didn't wanna truck it all the way up to SLC to do so.

As luck would have it, X96 just so happened to be doing a remote from the Cricket store in Provo last Thursday. My bro and I headed over to pick up our cards. While there, we scored 2 pairs of tickets to the monster truck rally at the E Center.

Me, Roy, and Smokestack headed up to West Valley to partake in the redneck madness...and redneck it was. I'm pretty sure we were the only people there without a denim jacket or mullets. But man, it was FUN!!! And it totally reminded me of when my dad used to take us to see the trucks at Arco Arena. Very nostalgic!
Does this truck look like a dinosaur to you? That's cuz it was!







Along with the monster truck crushing action, there was also some motocross. At first, the six riders came out and were just driving round and round the little arena. It was super lame! Little did I know, they were only warming up for their freestyle tricks. They flew off a HUGE ramp and did crazy tricks, like a million feet up in the air. While it was really cool, I had total anxiety. I was just waiting for one of those riders to miss the landing ramp, or not pull their bike around fast enough and fall on their heads. I was so scared that I was gonna witness someone's death. I can't see that! That'd scar me for life!! Luckily, these guys were pros and everyone rode away scott-free...well, except for the one rider who was actually riding the entire time on a broken ankle that he sustained from an earlier show. That's pretty hardcore! By the way, the picture in the middle is of a guy doing a backflip. He was insane!
But my favorite part of the whole evening was the little pickup truck rally they did. These were guys who worked on old Ford Rangers and Chevy S10's in their backyards all winter just to beat them up. And believe me, there was definitely enough carnage to leave even the most sadistic creatures smiling.

One guy's drive line completely fell out the bottom of his truck after breaking a U-joint. He had to be rescued.Another guy went off one of the jumps and landed right on a cement barrier, only yards away from spectators. Needless to say, he ended his run by being towed.
But not all the trucks were crappy. There was actually a really nice trophy truck out there, sponsored by Toyo Tires and everything. He looked like he should have been down in Baja. However, looks weren't everything. While he could take the jumps and bumps like a champ, his engine must not have had enough kick to it cuz he was a slow poke! I hope he was embarrassed.
But the most embarrassing moment of the night goes to Wikki. She couldn't come to monster trucks because she and Keizya baby were at home sick. And I won't go into details about why Wikki should be ashamed...but those of us who were fortunate enough to revel in the experience will never let her live it down!! ;)

Oh, and for those of you who were wondering about how I faired on the slopes after a 2 year hiatus...it was just like riding a bike. At first I was a bit weary. I was scared that I would totally bite it. Luckily, I only fell when getting off the lift...but that's nothing new. I ALWAYS fall getting off the lift, even on my good days!! Seriously though, after one warm up run, I was back at it! It was like I hadn't missed a beat!!! Well, I take that back. I wasn't pulling any 180s like I used to be able to do. Though, I did go off a few little jumps, no huge kickers or anything. But I got like 3 feet of air, for sure!!! Still, I was feeling the strain on my body of 2 years of inactivity! Man, am I outta shape!! Going down the mountain, I was definitely feeling the burn in my calves and thighs! Even worse, my bad knee was KILLING! I know that as I get back into shape, the calves/thigh burning will reduce. But, I just hope that my knee won't hold me back. Is there any way to work out your knee???? I've never seen, like, muscley knees. Is that even a one? I know my sister has this third knee thing, maybe she'll let me borrow one since she's got some to spare!