It is the 14th anniversary of my Father's death. I woke this morning feeling really guilty. My poor mom lost the love of her life and was left with 7 kids to take care of. I was such a selfish teenager at that time, that I only thought of myself and how awful it was to lose your Dad, instead of thinking of my Mom and how hard it was for her. Now, because I am married to my best friend and love, and as the parents of two beautiful boys, I cannot imagine how awful and hard that must have been for her. My mom is a trooper. She raised all of us by herself for a while. I cannot imagine the pressure that would put on a woman. She is such a hard worker. She loves her children so much. She is truly my angel here on this earth. And I know I don't tell her enough how much I appreciate her unconditional love for me and my family. She sent a cute text to me this morning that said "Just wanted you to know that I love you, and that your dad Sam would be so pleased with your choices." That made my day. My mother remarried an amazing man. I am so blessed to have Kurt in my life and in my childrens life. He loves my boys like they are his own grandchildren. I am so grateful for him for being a father he doesn't have to be. And he takes such great care of my mother.
I know my Dad is doing important work. I miss him a lot and think of him often. I know that Rett and my boys would have loved him. I showed them this picture of him this morning and of course, the boys both said "Cowboy!" We had a little talk about Grandpa Sam and how cool he was. They don't really understand it, but they know I was a little sad and were very sweet and cuddly.
My Dad taught me a lot growing up. It's crazy, because I'm 28, and he died when I was 14. He has now been gone for 14 years, and that's half of my life. But those 14 years were truly full of lessons. Many about Christ, family, and hard work. I remember one day vividly. We grew up on a large peice of land in the mountains of Southern Oregon. We had lots of animals. Dad always taught us that the animals came first because they couldn't take care of themselves. I was asked to go feed the pigs which were, I don't know, a quarter to half a mile from the house. We had company over, and I just wanted to play with the kids. So I was hurrying with a bucket of food for the pigs, and spilled it on the way. I just left the spilled food and fed the pigs and went back to the company we had. A little while later, my Dad came and found me and took me back and helped me clean up the spilled food, while telling me about how important it was to do the job right and not to waste. After my Dad died, one of the ladies that was at our house that day sent a sympathy card and talked about how she remembered how gently he taught his children and about that day when he not only taught me to fix the mistake, but helped me. It meant a lot to me, and I still have that card. Those are the kinds of lessons that my Dad taught us growing up. He was gentle and always helped us.
He was a hard worker. At the time of his death he was a log truck driver. My Dad was not a highly educated man. He held many jobs during his life, and there were even times when he didn't have a job because of layoffs. But he always worked hard. Rett is also a hard worker and reminds me of my Dad and how hard he worked to provide for his family.
I remember my Dad playing tag with us in the house. As a mom now, I can see how that would drive my mother crazy. But it was fun. He often held father's interviews with us. He would just talk and ask us about our lives and how we were doing. I remember school blessings and how much he wanted us to be happy, to get a good education, and to make good decisions. I remember his stuff. He had a lot of man stuff. He even bought a boom truck. I don't know if he ever really used it, but he would get all kinds of things. He had a big catapillar tractor. I remember riding on it with him. I remember how my mom used to make comments about his beard and how she was going to shave it when he died. One of my little sisters was really worried that she was really going to after he died. I remember one Mother's Day when he took some of us kids out on the mountain behind our house and we picked flowers for my mom. I remember that he never let a month go by when he didn't visit the families he home taught at least once. We were always helping other families with projects. My Dad loved animals and the outdoors. He loved the Gospel and serving others. He loved his family so much.
I hope I can remember the things he taught me during his lifetime and be the kind of parent he was. I look forward to the time when I get to see him again and for him to meet my little family. And I am so grateful for my parents raising us in the Gospel and with a knowledge that we are an eternal family.
This isn't a very good picture of my Dad. But it's one of the only one's I have right now that isn't in storage. And it really does show him in his element. He was a mountain man. He always wore red suspenders. He wore this dirty old hat forever. But that's how he was, he never wasted, and if it was still useable, he still used it. He hated getting his picture taken. And this picture kind of makes him look like he was glaring. But he just didn't like pictures. He loved the outdoors.
I know this picture was taken in 1982, I'm not sure what it was for, it's with my moms family, and our family is on the right side of the picture, with my mom and dad standing holding me, and my three older siblings sitting in front of us.
A lot of the reason I did this post was for my boys. It made me sad when I graduated from high school and college and he wasn't there, when I got married and he wasn't there, and when I had my boys. I am so blessed to have my step Dad who is incredible, who was there for most of these important events in my life. I cannot express how grateful I am for Kurt and all he does for our family. He is truly a blessing in our lives.
My second child, Drake, was born on September 21, his Grandpa Sam's birthday. (His real name was Steven, but he went by Sam.) When I was pregnant, we planned to give him his Grandpa's name as his middle name, and I was due on the 26th of the month. When he was born on Grandpa's birthday, it made it even more special. Drake Steven Sage, I hope you are able to be like your Grandpa.I want my boys to know about their Grandpa Sam and to know what a good man he was. I want them to know that my Dad loved me, just like their Dad loves them. And to never take their Dad for granted. I know I did when I was a kid. And I used to feel guilty about it. But now, I'm just grateful for the time I had to spend with such an amazing man. And I am so grateful for a mother who loves me despite my imperfections. And who is a true hero of mine. I cannot express how grateful I am for families and the plan of Salvation. And I know that because of the Savior's sacrifice for me, I can be with my Daddy again some day. And I am so grateful for Rett, Crew, and Drake and that we have the same knowledge of being a forever family.
This is my Dad & Mom's Wedding Picture. Married in the Oakland, California Temple October 7, 1975.
