One A M

Am home alone with A. One a.m. is the loneliest hour - when your child had just spent the last full hour screaming himself awake, his whole body tensing, his cries unfamiliar, for reasons you know not what. The way your heart prays please please don't let this be anything bad. The way you just do what you can and not have any moment to think, and nothing works. The way you just wish you are not alone. The way you beg your child to be okay. And the absolute relief, and exhaustion, when he finally calms down, turns around to put his little arms around you and falls asleep. The way you tell yourself, it's okay, it's okay, it's all okay now.