Nothing. That's what I've been doing for the past what -- three days? four?
Our Internet got cut off cos we've been wading knee-deep in bills right now. That's why when our connection disappeared a few days ago, my life zip-vanished quite literally with it. And having neither landline nor mobile phone to connect me to the outside world, I was left to my own devices -- lappy in its bare-bones offline minimum.
Whole day Wednesday I stayed inside my room and I couldn't be bothered to do anything at all. I was too busy reading sixteen long chapters of my favorite Sailor Moon fanfiction, Secrets by Ken Wolfe. In a nutshell, it's an alternate perspective on how Crystal Tokyo came about through events driven by Pluto's cryptic glimpses of the future and hold on the "Old Powers" as the Guardian of Time, and Mercury's knowledge on cryogenics and nanotechnology. Deceit, trust, compromise, and the blind fury of love all dealt in one mortal blow. Heavy stuff. Ken Wolfe is a genius.
I wanted to sleep Thursday off, but I couldn't help being sorely awake at mid-afternoon. So I just regretfully settled on watching some of my DVDs yet again. A Beautiful Thing, Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, A Series of Unfortunate Events, and some porn.
Movie marathon spilled over until Friday evening when I got the Internet connection back. Upon logging on, lappy got flooded with offline messages from people I promised to help do stuff with. Most of it I can't do anymore since the expiration date for the job was already over. It honestly made me feel real bad. Here's something I can do to get my shit together, and people actually helping me do it, but I still chose to do nothing. And on top of that, here's me hating it when I let people down.
Granted I know now can live without the Internet, but in exchange, I'd have to trade off most of my life with it. Not that I'm living much to begin with, anyway. Sigh.
PS: This was supposed to be an "I'm sorry" post, but somehow I ended up being too honest with my nonchalance. My complacency... which is, to a point, what I am really feeling. Any disappointment towards me would be rightly justified now, and I truly deserve it.
But I might have to put off the guilt at another time I'm afraid. Maybe tomorrow when I'm not too sleepy anymore. In the meantime... I'm sorry.
