Ahh... another hectic week...

Although I don’t have to travel much like I did last week (for last week alone I spent over RM200 for petrol and another RM100 + for toll – and I only use a Kenari which doesn’t really consume as much petrol as the bigger cars!), this is still a hectic week for me.

You see, I didn’t come to the office for the whole of last week, and my partner is off for umrah from 2nd to 14th July, so there are lots of things to settle at the office. Although my office staffs know their jobs, there are certain things they cannot do – like signing the statutory documents. And somehow it is when both of us are not around, THAT is when our business clients ask for certified copies of whatever forms they need!

So, while a few of my PLWHA clients asked if they could see me this week, either I couldn’t oblige or I dared not commit.

Last week when Mrs. K called me, I told her I’d get back to her this week. Yesterday I sent her a text message, telling her that I am not able to do any house visits this month. I also told her about applying for help for baby K in IJN, and that I cannot help her about Mr. K’s personal problems.

But last night, Mrs. K’s daughter called, from a public phone, asking when I’d be visiting them as her mother needed to talk to me about her father’s problems. That meant they didn’t get my text message – and my guess is that their hand phone is going through the same process again... (as per my posting here). I suppose that was to be expected as Mrs. K did mention a bit about her husband’s problem when she called me last week.

When I told the daughter that I won’t be able to visit this month, she said her mother together with baby K will be coming to Ipoh GH on Thursday, so she asked if her mother can meet me then. I dared not promise anything, so I told her to get her mom to call me first when they are in Ipoh. If I’m free then, I’d try to meet them.

This morning after finishing my morning routine at home and as I was about to leave for work, I saw a text message on my hand phone. It was from Hana. She asked if I’d be going to the hospital today. If I was, she wanted to pass me the list of monthly expenses for her children, who are under sponsorship. I simply can’t afford to go this morning, as I am expecting someone at the office, so I told her to pass the list to Pat, a fellow volunteer who stays in the same town as Hana.

Back to Mrs. K, what seems to be Mr. K’s problem?

From the little bit told over the phone to me by Mrs. K last week, Mr. K seemed to have some problem with his previous employer. He used to work at a factory (as a jaga) and when there were some things missing, he was purportedly accused of stealing them. And so it seemed, the employer threatened to report him to the police if he did not pay up RM1,000. Scared he might end up in jail, he borrowed RM1,000 from a money lender to pay up. And the interest? RM200 a month!!

Well, at least that was what Mr. K CLAIMED had happened. Mrs. K believed him, but I am rather skeptical about the whole story.

Even if he was telling the truth, they had gone through the process of borrowing from an unauthorized money-lender before and so they should know how it’s like! All I can say is… TAK SERIK-SERIK!!! If he was not guilty, he shouldn’t have been afraid about being reported to the police. Report lah! Got proof or not?! Or did the employer make a statutory declaration based on hearsay?? (Hehehe…)

The last time they borrowed from the money-lender, we Buddies helped them with Mr. K’s EPF withdrawal, so they managed to settle the loan. The balance of the EPF withdrawal… I reminded them to spend on necessities, but did they listen? No, no, no!! They spent like they had loads of money. Now they are back to square one, they expect me to help them out? Sorry lah… Everybody makes mistakes I know, but when they don’t learn from their mistakes, we can’t be helping them out every time!

I will only help out if it has anything to do with the children’s schooling and baby K’s medical needs. If it is a problem Mr. K got himself into, then he himself will need to learn to face the consequences.

And so, if I do get to meet Mrs. K tomorrow, that is what I am going to tell her. I would have told her so last night if Mrs. K herself had called me, but since it was her daughter who called; I couldn’t lecture the 13 year old girl about her parents, could I?

Sigh…

Ahhh!! I am not going to crack my head thinking about their problems. My priority now is my own mother – that will not change!

Worrying about problems...

After coming back from KL on Monday, I got a text message from Shila - this time to tell me that she was warded at Ipoh GH. Then Mrs. K’s daughter sent me a text message telling me about her little sister being warded at the district hospital and asking if I was going to visit (that usually means she wants me to visit). I just paid them a visit last week before the girl got warded and with so many things to do I really can’t slot in the time to visit again that soon. Earlier on Monday when Maria SMS-ed me about her problem, I told her I’d call her when I’m back in Ipoh.

But by the time I got home on Monday, I was rather tired so I decided to get myself a good rest before I started calling/visiting.

Tuesday came, and having taken Monday off, there was additional work at the office. I still needed to follow up on my clients, but with a few of them waiting for me to contact them, I had better prioritize. Shila is actually under another buddy, not me. So, although she likes to “mengadu hal” to me (or whoever else she could get hold of), I shall let her own buddy follow up on her. I have my own problematic clients to follow up with.

I contacted Mrs. K to find out more on her little girl’s condition. Apparently when Mr. K got his pay on Friday, he went to get back their hand phone from the kedai pajak gadai, so this time I could contact them. I was informed by Mrs. K that since her daughter’s condition did not improve, the doctor arranged for a blood test on the little girl. The doctor did ask Mrs. K if anyone in the family had any problems with their blood. Not wanting anyone in the district hospital knowing about her husband’s HIV status, she just said no. Then she started worrying if her daughter had been infected.

I told her that her baby girl would only get infected if Mrs. K herself was infected. But since Mrs. K’s latest blood test showed negative results, I told her that it must be some other problems. The results of the girl’s blood tests are not out yet. I am sure Mrs. K will get back to me once the results are out.

Yesterday morning I also called Maria. Maria usually would only contact me when she really has problems; so when she did contact me on Monday telling me about how depressed she was, I knew it was serious. I didn’t want to call after office hours, as by then her husband would be home and as such Maria would be reluctant to talk. So I had to call during office hours. True enough, only Maria and her 2 year old son were at home. Her other children were at their grandparents’ home during the school holidays.

It seems of late Maria had been feeling really depressed. She tends to get worried over nothing, and with her mother’s passing recently, she seemed to be getting worse. It is school holidays and she doesn’t have to go to work (she’s helping to teach at a nearby kindergarten) and as such, sitting around with nothing much to do, all sorts of worries seem to come to her mind. Having had to go through a problematic family background didn’t help. She said she tried zikir and all, but somehow her mind tends to wander off again. She even asked if she could get some pills from the hospital to help calm her down.

Personally I feel Maria doesn’t talk enough. She’s already the quiet type, and with her HIV, she has even less people to talk to. Amongst her family members, only her husband knows of her HIV status. But her husband is not a good listener. Every time Maria wants to talk things over with him, particularly about her HIV, he’d avoid by telling her to just forget about it and just act as though nothing happened.

The thing is, even when I introduced her to other HIV positive women, she never talked much either. Even Jah complained that talking to Maria was like a one-way communication. I guess she finds it hard to open up to simply anyone – even those in the same boat.

I think Maria’s main problem is that she’s been keeping too much inside her. When she can’t stand it, she’d call/SMS me. Talking to me may solve the problem for the short term. Then after some time, those feelings keep bothering her again.

Anyway, I told Maria to try and keep herself busy with other things so she wouldn’t be worrying too much about her problems. Sometimes the problem doesn’t even exist – it’s her who keeps thinking of all the “what if” questions…

I’m thinking of visiting her one of these days, and probably I’d get the ever so-jovial-Jah to tag along.

I also need to start calling all my clients to ask if they’d like to join this year’s Family Day. We had our Fellowship committee meeting last night to start discussions about this year’s Family Day in August – and the destination this year is the Taiping Zoo. We need to start planning ahead – the plan, logistics, prizes etc.

Last year we had some of my blog readers contributing toys to be given to the children. So, if any of you have got any stuff to be given away to the children… hey, kecil tapak tangan, lori kontena saya tadahkan…

Stressed!!

This has been another hectic week for me.

At the office, December and January have always been a peak period for secretarial and accounting firms. Clients’ financial reports to be written up and audited, annual returns to be submitted to ROC, income tax returns to be submitted to the IRD… Aargh! Deadlines to meet made worse by the inability of the old PCs in my office to cope with the heavy load on our computerized accounting system. There were times when I felt like throwing the PCs out of the window… but then I remembered if I did that, the PCs may hit my car parked down there…

In my voluntary work, by virtue of having the most children to look after, December and January are also rather hectic – shopping for their schooling needs; and when school reopens, their fees, workbooks, exercise books and other school requirements that need to be paid. Worse still, this year, the amount needed is only made known when school reopened yesterday. So, calls/SMSes kept coming in these past 2 days.

I am a bit stressed out this week. I think my blood going upstairs lah!! Yeah, I must always remember to de-stress from time to time. And how do you think I de-stress? What?? Go karaoke-ing like Yah??! No way! I may cause a thunderstorm!

To de-stress, I go blog lah!! No, no, I’m not a goblok! I go BLOG! I need to let it out of my clogged system!

So here I am blogging, despite having other things to do.

Remember in my previous posting, I mentioned about telling Yah to pay first and then inform me the amount and details of whatever that needs to be paid to Abang Chik’s school? Well, yesterday morning, she sent me a text message, “Dah bayar dah duit sekolah Abang Chik.” That’s it. Fullstop. No amount. No details.

I had to reply her message; asking for the amount, only then she’d give me the amount. Couldn’t she have saved the cost of one SMS by straight way mentioning the amount in the first message?!

Asiah too called me yesterday. With 4 schooling children, she had to borrow around some money first to pay for their schooling needs. With 2 in secondary school and 2 in primary, she had to fork out quite a lot of money every time school reopens. Being more systematic, Asiah had listed down everything and compiled all the receipts and asked if she could meet me today (Friday) to pass the receipts and all to me. She’s on leave until Friday and her next trip to Ipoh will only be in February.

Later when I was at the bank, banking in my mom’s pension, Fuzi called. Apparently, she had to pay more than anticipated. Worse still, her 12 year old daughter was NOT given the supposedly free text books by her class teacher. Reason given – her mother is not a Malaysian citizen. Whaddaheck?! Fuzi may not be a Malaysian, but her daughter’s birth cert clearly indicated she’s a Malaysian by virtue of having a Malaysian father!! Just because her mother/guardian is a non-citizen, she is not qualified to get free text books? And the children of rich people are given text books free?!

Funny thing was that her younger brother, studying at the very same school, was given free text books by his class teacher! What… same school, different guidelines? Oh come on!! I told Fuzi to go see the headmaster direct to clear the matter. I will have to check with her again later on the outcome.

Anyway, when I went to my NGO center yesterday, my colleague told me that Yah called him earlier to ask about her SOCSO application which my colleague helped to arrange. During that call, she told my colleague she was out in town with her “pakwe”. When he asked if she went home, she said, “Semalam balik.” Ayoma??? Semalam balik today tada balik ka??!

Looks like ever since I gave her that piece of advice when she sought my help regarding her angau problem, Yah is afraid to tell me what she does anymore, but is not afraid to tell others. She told Fuzi about going for karaoke, and she told this colleague of mine (a male non-Muslim) about going out with guys. And before you think she went out with Mr. Darling again, no, I don’t think so. As I had mentioned before, Mr. Darling had changed his phone number after Yah refused to have sex with him. And it seems Yah too has been out having fun in other towns, far from the town Mr. Darling stays/works in.

Looks like Yah took my advice to try and forget Mr. Darling. But that was about all the advice she took. I told her to seek help from God. I told her to find a job to keep herself busy so she can forget Mr. Darling. Yah, instead, has her own ways in trying to forget Mr. Darling. She goes out with other men to have some fun – something she had never done before!

Even Fuzi noticed the change in Yah – inside out!!

On the inside: from a tough, responsible and determined woman, she has become like a troubled teenager – rimas dok rumah… takut kena marah… tidur rumah kawan. She’s acting like she has no children… except when she needs financial help for the children. I suppose she’s afraid if she has to pay so much for the children, she may not have enough to spend outside to de-stress herself. (Too bad she doesn’t de-stress like I do – maybe I need to teach her to blog? Or will that only lead her to spend most of her time at a cyber café?)

On the outside: Yah used to be the typical “kampong girl” – with her baju kurung and tudung wherever she went. Even at the Lost World of Tambun when I myself transformed from my usual jubah and tudung labuh to a more suitable clothing to have fun around the park; Yah was still in her baju kurung and tudung. After she met Mr. Darling, it’s now t-shirt and jeans. Tudung also melayang already…

Oh ok, enough about Yah. Let’s go on to Asiah. Alamak, the name still rhymes. Please don’t get confused!

Today, Asiah came up to Ipoh. Initially she was supposed to come alone by bus. I promised to fetch her at the bus station. This morning, she called me to inform me that she was already on the way and that she came by motorbike with her husband. Asiah’s husband always tends to change his mind at the very last minute. Like the Family Day, initially he allowed Asiah to go with her children. (Her children are all from her late husband. She has none with her present husband.) Then, a day before the event, he said no.

For your info, Asiah was infected with HIV by her late husband. She later got remarried to an elderly man (used to kerja kampong but now no longer working), who’s also somebody else’s husband. In such a situation, with her HIV and all, I guess it’s no surprise that she has problems in her marriage. On the brighter side, Asiah thinks it’s good in a way that whenever people commented that she’s losing weight, she’d rather have them think it was because of her marriage problems, not because of HIV.

According to Asiah, her husband tends to be overly jealous at times. He’s an elderly man, while Asiah is not only young (she’s 38) but also beautiful. And I tell you she has got such a lovely complexion! No wonder the husband’s so jealous! He’s probably afraid many guys out there may fall for Asiah too just like he did after Asiah’s first husband died!!

Anyway, back to today, since she was not going to the bus station, we agreed to meet elsewhere. When I got there and asked where her husband was, Asiah said, “Dia segan nak jumpa akak. Dia tunggu kat motor.”

Alahai, segan? Ah, lantak dia lah! I still took Asiah to have a drink at the food court. Let her husband wait. He knew Asiah was meeting a woman, not a man. And he has met me once before at the HIV clinic when he accompanied Asiah for her appointment.

At least by having a drink, we could still chit chat a bit instead of just reimbursing her with the amount she had to pay first for her children’s schooling needs. But I didn’t dare let her stay long. Before her husband bising, might as well tell her to go off. Otherwise next time he may not even allow her to see me.

We promised to catch up with each other when she comes to Ipoh again in February.

OK, now my blood no longer upstairs. I can sign off now... hehehe...

The Dreaded SMS

Wednesday, 28th November 2007:

I was in my office when an SMS came in from Shila, asking if I was busy. She was at the HIV clinic for her appointment and so happened to bump into her good friend Jah as well. So they thought it would be a good opportunity for them to meet up with me. I promised to pick them up at the hospital and bring them out for lunch.

Apparently it was quite a busy day at the HIV clinic because appointments initially scheduled for 29th November was brought forward to the 28th November as all the staff needed to go to KL the next day to attend the 1st National AIDS Conference beginning friday, in conjunction with World AIDS Day on 1st December. So when I got to the hospital, Shila just came out of the doctor’s room and both Shila and Jah had yet to get their supply of medication. Since there were so many patients waiting for their turn to get their medication, we decided to go for lunch first. Shila’s daughter Laila, also tagged along. After lunch, I had to send them back to the hospital so they could go to the pharmacy.

What’s that? Was that the dreaded SMS? Oh no, no, no… Shila’s SMS was not the dreaded SMS. Buying them lunch was not a problem at all.

Just as I was relaxing at home that evening, I heard the James Bond ring tone on my phone. It was from Yah. She said she needed my help as she was supposed to get her supply of medication on the 29th but she couldn’t find the slip. Just last week she asked me what day was the 29th of November. She must have held the slip in her hands when she asked me that question and then forgot where she kept it. How to remember the medication slip if all she remembered was Mr. Darling??

Anyway, I told her there was nothing I could do if she lost the slip. I’m not a doctor and I cannot write her a new one. And guess what? Yah had actually wanted me to call the staff nurse (SN) to get her a new slip because… ready for this? “Saya takut nanti kena marah!”

Sheeesh! She lost the slip and she’s scared the nurse would scold her?! All the while before this she was willing to face so many things without fear, yet this time she’s afraid the nurse would scold here? It seems she’s beginning to behave like a child ever since the angau bug got to her. I sternly told her she’d have to call SN herself. Besides, I had to attend 2 meetings the next day so I wouldn’t have the time to make all the calls. And knowing SN, even if I did call on Yah’s behalf, SN would probably just tell me to get Yah to call her herself.

Then I told Yah that most likely on Thursday nobody would answer the phone because everybody at the HIV clinic was going to KL. Yah then asked me what she was supposed to do. How on earth would I know what to do? The only option was for Yah to keep on looking for the slip until she finds it!

Thursday, 29th November 2007:

Early morning after my morning gardening routine, there was a text message on my phone. It was from Yah, telling me that she had found the slip and was already on the way to Ipoh. There… all she needed to do was to concentrate harder. She knew she didn’t have any other choice but to find the slip and so she did. Duh!

I had 2 business clients’ board meeting to attend that day so I set my hand phone to silent mode. Although I had already told Yah I had to attend meetings, who knows, she may not have really digested everything that I said and still call me when she gets to Ipoh. I wasn’t about to let the James Bond ring tone disturb the 2 meetings.

No, there were no missed calls. So I thought Yah was doing fine.

Friday, 30th November 2007:

After washing my car this morning, I went into my house and noticed there was a text message on my phone. Yep, this time it was the dreaded SMS. It was the kind I was actually expecting to come but deep down inside me I was hoping I would never get.

The SMS from Yah this morning read:

“Kak, besok hari Sabtu kak ada kerja tak? Saya nak jumpa kak sekejap dalam pukul 3. Saya banyak masalah. Bukan masalah duit. Mungkin kak banyak pengalaman memberi jalan yang terbaik. Akhir sekali saya pohon maaf.”

Ooooooh boy!!! Lots of problems? Not financial problems? Yah did not mention what kind of problems she had but based on our last few conversations; I bet they had something to do with her relationship with Mr. Darling and/or her relationship with her own family due to her relationship with Mr. Darling. Honestly I had expected that coming.

And she mentioned that I may be able to help her out as I had lots of experience… hmmm… I wonder what kind of experience she meant. If she was talking about angauism, I don’t have even the slightest experience!

OK, I shall not jump to conclusions before I manage to talk to Yah. For all I know, it may be a whole different kind of problem. To find out for sure, we will just have to wait.

And oh, if you expect to get some updates this weekend, sorry folks! I told Yah I won’t be able to see her tomorrow. You see, I’ll be in KL this weekend for some family matters so Yah’s matters will just have to wait.

And you too will have to wait for the next episode of Yah’s story…

Ramadhan House Visit #2

After my usual pasar tani routine last Saturday, I went over to my NGO centre to load my car with the stuffs which I needed to send to Fuzi’s family. I was sweating by the time I finished loading the things – this time I had more stuff than usual because they include a box and a big plastic bag of goodies contributed by a blog reader, and there were also more groceries than usual due to more cash contributions received.

So off I went to Fuzi’s house. As always, the kids were smiling when they saw my car coming. I called them to help get the things out of the car. Surprised there were so many things, the eldest girl asked, “Semua ni?!”

By the time I got in and sat down, the children were already excited, curious to know what was in the box. They saw there were a few paper bags inside and they were wondering what were inside the bags. I told them the things were all theirs so they could take the things out to see for themselves. And boy, were they excited to find out that each one of them got a bag of goodies each!

I asked about the status of Fuzi’s marriage certificate… whether she managed to get it ‘legalised’ yet. According to Fuzi, the guy who promised to help her had called her and told her to see him this week to settle the marriage cert issue. Once she gets that settled she will need to go to Putrajaya to settle her children’s citizenship status. I asked if Fuzi needs to pay any more money. I was shocked when I was told that the guy asked Fuzi to pay RM1,000 to settle the whole thing!! Earlier on Fuzi had already paid RM300 to get things started. No receipts issued. Now another RM1,000? Even for me that’s a big sum of money… how on earth did he expect Fuzi to fork out the money?!

I told Fuzi that if no receipts are issued then most likely the bulk of the money may just go into the guy’s own pocket! To which Fuzi replied in her Indonesian accent, “Tapi dia nampaknya seperti orang baik-baik, kak!” Aduuuh… but of course my dear… they always act like nice people. The money is the initiative for them to help you…

Okay, so it’s not good to “buruk sangka”. Maybe there is some kind of fine Fuzi need to pay because for many years her late husband never officially registered their Narathiwat marriage. But come on… RM1,000… and no receipts whatsoever?

Or maybe the guy sincerely wants to help, but he needs the money to give “duit kopi” to whoever he needed to seek help from to get things done. Oh I don’t know!! I would love to see this guy and ask him for a breakdown of what the RM1,000 was for. But Fuzi doesn’t want me to make a hoo hah of it for fear I may jeopardize her chances of getting the whole thing settled as soon as possible. So no, she’s not keen on having me accompany her to see this guy.

Alright, but where on earth is she going to fork out the money from? I told her to be frank with the guy and tell him that she’s a non-working single mom and live solely on welfare. When I told her that her PAF application has been approved and that she’ll be getting an additional RM160 per month beginning this month, she was so happy saying she can save that money for this purpose. All she wants to do now is to make sure there are no more hiccups in her children’s citizenship status. She’s willing to “ikat perut” for it.

Up to you, Fuzi… but I’m still suspicious. I have never done all this stuff before so I don’t really know how much money is really involved to get this done. Whatever it is, I sure hope all the citizenship problem will be settled soon so that her children’s citizenship status will not be questioned in the future.

Anyway, besides Fuzi’s marriage cert and her children’s citizenship problem, the family seems to be coping well. The children looked happy and to me that’s what matters most. In fact they are already talking about going to this year’s Raya-do… like the one I organised last year. I haven’t even planned anything yet for this year…

The bimbo in a limbo

Bimbo? Who me? Heck no! I can’t seem to remember any bimbo moments of mine. Not that I have a lack of memory… but this surplus of forgetfulness that I have ain’t helping me. Oh okay, maybe I purposely deleted the embarrassing moments in my life…

I’ve actually been tagged by Typhoon Sue to reveal my blonde bimbo moments. Blonde? I do have some strands of grey hair (maybe even more than my grey matter, really) , but since none of my hair has gone blonde yet, (as if it ever will!) let me just tell you about a grey-haired bimbo instead…

*trying to recall*

Urgh… I think this grey-haired bimbo is getting too old to remember lah. Sorry Sue, unable to respond to your tag… you’re not going to sue me, are you?

Instead, allow me to tell you about the problematic teenage girl whom I was asked to talk to. This case had nothing to do with my usual HIV cases. The girl was simply a stubborn, problematic girl whose mother had given up trying to change her into a better person. As a matter of fact, the mother was the last person this girl would listen to.

So, how was I pulled into talking to this girl? Actually a friend of mine sought my help. The problematic teenager so happened to be my friend’s… emmm… niece… or cousin… I forgot (Ahh! My surplus of forgetfulness is showing again!!).

Anyway, as I had never met the girl before, my friend promised to bring the girl to meet me at a specified time in front of a specified restaurant. After introducing us, my friend left the girl with me. We figured the girl wouldn’t talk if my friend lingered around, so I told my friend I’d call her once we’re done.

I took the girl into the restaurant, ordered some food and started chatting. It wasn’t so difficult getting this girl to talk. She even admitted that she had been giving problems to her mother. She used to be so close to her father that after her father died she became rather rebellious. She never listened to her mother. Actually what made it even worse was the fact that her mother made decisions for her without even consulting her – with good intentions of course, the mother simply wanted the best for her daughter.

There was however something about this girl that reminded me of Zana. Remember Zana, the problematic young woman whom I sent to a shelter home before? The similarity between the 2 was that both of them tend to tell different stories to different people. In this girl’s case, I could sense that some of the stories she was telling me were simply made up by her creative mind. The stories simply didn’t tally and didn’t make sense.

After about an hour or so talking to this girl, I figured it was time to go. So I called my friend to come back and fetch this girl. We both then got up to leave the restaurant. Just as I was about to walk out the door, one of the waitresses in the restaurant chased me, and said rather loudly, “Kak, belum bayar!”

Alamak… malu… malu…

Already embarrassed, I apologized to the waitress, saying that I had truly forgotten to pay (I told you I had a surplus of forgetfulness, didn’t I?!) . After looking at the bill, I gave her a sum of money and told her to keep the change. Not much, just a few ringgit balance, but the main reason for telling her to keep the change was because by then I was too embarrassed to wait even a second longer.

Imagine, there I was, trying to help a problematic teenage girl who was always giving problems to her family… yet I ended up walking out without paying for my food. For all I know, the problematic girl may have thought I purposely walked out without paying but got caught instead!

BIMBO!!! How could I simply walk out just like that without paying?! (Ooops, did I just reveal a bimbo moment of mine?)

Anyway, since I mentioned Zana’s name, here’s a little update on Zana. Zana and her baby need to leave the shelter home by the end of this year. Due to lack of space, only HIV infected children are given priority. The rest will have to leave. While the other ladies are going back to the home of their parents, Zana’s family has still not accepted her. Or rather, her father still cannot accept her back into the family, and in that family, whatever the father says is law. With Zana herself still too stubborn to apologize to her father, I’m in the dark as to how I can get them to reconcile…

If Zana is to live on her own, she will need to find a job. But who is going to take care of her baby when she goes to work?

I’ve got to start thinking on what to do with Zana and her baby.

Yo! This grey-haired bimbo is now in a limbo…

Rina's story

When Rina’s brother in KL first called to ask for help for his sister who was diagnosed HIV+, I didn’t ask much of Rina’s background… whether she was married or single… how she got infected, etc. The main thing was to help her first – and to gain the family’s trust. Only when they trust us will they tell us about their personal stories.

When I called Rina’s mom, she did tell me some basic information; but when I asked if I could visit them at home to assess their situation, Rina’s mom sounded rather reluctant. That is understandable considering it was my first call and she had never met or heard of me before. She didn’t know if I could be trusted as she had never even heard of Buddies. Since Rina couldn’t walk and they didn’t have any transport, I offered to fetch them at home. But still not trusting enough, Rina’s mom said they would go by taxi.

So I let them be.

As mentioned in my previous posting, Rina didn’t turn up for her appointment that day because she couldn’t get up. When the mother called me in the afternoon, it was already too late for me to fetch them to bring them to the hospital as the HIV clinic only opens until afternoon.

So I went to visit them at home and it was obvious Rina was not able to walk on her own. I immediately told them to call the HIV clinic to fix another appointment. They got the appointment for yesterday morning so off I went to fetch them at home to bring them to the hospital. Thank God Rina’s younger brother came along, as Rina had to be carried into my car, and when we reached the hospital, she had to be carried from my car onto the wheelchair.

Due to her condition, the doctor called her in first before the other patients. And as I had suspected from the beginning, Rina had to be warded for further tests.

It was while waiting for the doctor to examine her in the room that I managed to have a private chat with Rina’s mom. Here’s Rina’s story…

Rina is a 40 year old lady. She was married about 9 or 10 years ago and the couple was blessed with a son, who is now 8 years of age. What Rina and her family didn’t know back then was that Rina’s husband was a drug addict. Although he didn’t have any permanent jobs (he was doing all sorts of odd jobs) the family accepted him into the family because Rina loved him. Initially when they were newly married, they rented a separate house to stay on their own, but Rina’s husband was always broke and it was Rina all along who had to support him. Eventually they moved back to Rina’s parents house.

Rina, being the soft-hearted kind, always fell for her husband’s pleas whenever he asked for anything. He needed a handphone, she bought him one. He needed a motorbike, she bought him a motorbike. Although Rina’s mother and siblings didn’t like what was going on, there wasn’t much they could do as it was Rina’s money.

When Rina’s father was still alive, Rina’s husband sometimes even asked for money from him, listing down all sorts of needs. And much to the mom’s dismay, the father always relented.

Rina’s younger brother always saw the husband going to a particular alley. The brother began to get suspicious as he knew that the place was famous amongst drug addicts. So he went back and told his mom about it, and they decided to tell Rina. But Rina scolded them saying that they were just lying to her because they didn’t like him.

One day when the couple went back to the husband’s kampong to visit Rina’s in-laws, her mom and brother ransacked their room. And as they had suspected, they found drugs hidden in his belongings.

Now Rina stays with her mom while her husband stays with his mom. They are not divorced, just separated. In fact, they have been living separately since their son was about 2 years old. Nowadays, he does come to visit once in a while but the son usually never wants to see the father. Furthermore, usually if he drops by, he always asks Rina for money. Even recently, when Rina had already stopped working, he did come to tell her his “sad story” about his motorbike needing repairs… about him losing the hand phone Rina bought for him… and whatever else that indirectly meant he needed money.

However, this time around Rina could not help him even if he managed to melt her heart with his sad stories. Rina herself was not working so where on earth was she supposed to get the money? The only way she could get money was from her own family members – obviously they wouldn’t give a single sen to her good-for-nothing husband! They’d take care of Rina and her child, but no way were they going to support him! Not when they know the money would probably be used to buy drugs!

Ever since Rina was diagnosed HIV positive, she became hyper-sensitive. Although she never said it directly, from the things her mom told me about her, I think deep down inside her she’s wishing she’d just die and not bother anyone any longer. She doesn’t care about her health. Her mother kept reminding her of her hospital appointments, but it was Rina herself who was so stubborn – giving all sorts of excuses. Whenever her siblings nagged to her that she should take better care of herself, she said they hated her. She wouldn’t listen to them.

That was why her brother sought our help. And true enough, coming from an “outsider”, Rina didn’t say anything much. When I told her she MUST go to the hospital, she relented. So that was how we managed to get her to the hospital yesterday. I found out from SN that Rina was supposed to have started her medication already (meaning her CD4 level is already quite low) but because she didn’t go for further blood tests as required by the doctor, they couldn’t start her on medication yet. In addition, by the time I brought her to the hospital yesterday, her blood pressure was already too low. There was no way the doctor would let her go home. Whether she liked it or not, she had to be warded for further tests.

I told her mother to call me if Rina starts being stubborn again. Now that I have been given the green light to visit them at home, I can drop by from time to time to check on her. I will need to lift up her spirits – right now she probably thinks she’s the most unlucky person in the world.

What she doesn’t realize is that she’s lucky to have her family support – something that not all the PLWHAs seem to get.

The problematic young woman - Part 4

When I first brought Zana to the shelter home for HIV women in KL, she was desperate. She was a single pregnant woman and had to leave her kampong. There was no specific home for HIV women in Perak so I had no choice but to send her to KL. Zana was lucky I had my contacts in MAC who helped me find a place for her. Those who may have missed this part can read about it here.

After she delivered and Kak Hawa was on MC for a while, Zana had problems with the other occupants of the home, moved to another home for a while before she went back to the same shelter home before Hari Raya as the other home did not have any other Muslim occupants for her to celebrate Hari Raya with.

After some time, Zana had wanted to go back to her parent’s home. I went all the way to KL to fetch her after I was made to believe that her family was ready to accept her back. It was only after I reached the shelter home that I was told that her sister just called to tell her not to come home as her father was fuming mad. More details on this in part 2 of Zana’s story.

I tried to get in touch with Zana’s family after that to find out if they could give her a second chance. I was quite taken aback by the SMS I received. I was told Zana no longer had a place in the family as she had already been given a second chance but she blew it. There was no way I could bring Zana home to her family – not yet anyway. More details on this in part 3 of her story.

Then one of Zana’s twin babies died. It must have been a big blow to Zana… or so I thought….

More than a week after her baby died, I received another SMS from Zana. She was asking me why I wouldn’t let her leave the shelter home. She said she couldn’t stand it any longer over there. In her own words…

“Kenapa kakak tak benarkan Zana keluar dari sini? Dah lebih seminggu anak Zana mati, kenapa masih kecoh-kecoh lagi? Zana sendiri tak rasa apa-apa pun!”

She wasn't sad her baby died??

I forwarded that SMS to Kak Hawa. Kak Hawa then spoke to her personally as to why she wouldn’t let Zana leave. The home had its own rules and regulations. Somebody would have to sign her out if she was to leave. If she leaves on her own she may go back to her old ways. In addition to that she now has a baby to look after.

About a month ago, Zana sent me another SMS saying she wanted to leave. She was no longer on talking terms with the other occupants of the home. I asked where she wanted to go… and she replied asking me to find another shelter home for her. I told her I would have to ask around but the fact was that I needed to discuss the matter with Kak Hawa first.

Early this week, I received 2 more SMS from Zana. The first one was a forwarded message to Zana from another occupant of the home who got so pissed off with Zana’s attitude. In the second SMS Zana told me she’d now leave the home on her own as I was not helping her find another place.

From the first SMS, and knowing Zana personally, I could already figure out what the problem was. The problem was not the shelter home, but Zana herself. She wanted a home where she could do as she pleased. She wanted a home where she was not subject to rules, regulations and duties.

I informed Kak Hawa. Kak Hawa asked me to call Zana and tell her to talk to Kak Hawa personally. I tried to call… twice. The first time there was no answer. The second time the call ended after just the first ring. It appeared as though she didn’t want to answer my calls. So I had no choice but to send her a text message asking her to talk things over with Kak Hawa.

Until today she still has not answered my SMS.

The other occupants of the home are getting fed up with her attitude. She’s not helping out with the housework unlike the rest of them. She locks herself in the room most of the time.

Kak Hawa has run out of ideas on what to do with her. So have I. Here we are trying to help her and she’s treating us as her enemies.

I don’t really know what’s on her mind right now. For all I know she’s planning her escape from the home.

Sheeeesh… this is frustrating…

And I thought Fuzi's case was complicated enough...

I wasn’t on clinic duty last Wednesday, but I still went to Ipoh GH nevertheless. I promised Ani I’d accompany her to the medical records unit to find out what happened to her request for her medical report; and after that I had to help get Rashid admitted to Ipoh GH. Rashid was already bedridden and his wife simply didn’t know what else to do.

Anyway, in the afternoon when HIV clinic was over, I dropped by the clinic to meet up with SN. She was not as busy as always so she invited me to sit down in the room (on the doctor’s chair some more!) so we could discuss on some of the patients. I needed to get updates on some of my PLWHA clients while SN wanted to know if I was in contact with some of her patients whom she could not contact. I must add that SN is a very dedicated nurse who remembers her HIV patients by name!

SN’s main concern was Makcik Minah, the grandma. Since we both only have Makcik Minah’s house phone number, neither one of us managed to contact her. I’ve tried calling her in the morning, I’ve tried calling her in the afternoon and I’ve even tried calling her at night. And every time nobody answered the call. Both SN and I assumed that Makcik Minah’s only son may have taken her with him to KL where he works. This is good, really, rather than have Makcik Minah staying all alone at her kampong house. But our worry is that from the last conversation SN had with Makcik Minah, the son still didn’t know about his mom’s HIV. Chances are even now he thinks his mom’s only suffering from illnesses elderly people usually have. Since Makcik Minah’s kampong is quite far from Ipoh, SN finally decided that she’d contact the people at the Pejabat Kesihatan Daerah to visit Makcik’s house to find out where she is. Even if she’s not home maybe her neighbors know how to contact the son.

I asked SN about Fuzi whose CD4 seemed to have dropped. I told her about Fuzi’s difficulty in getting her daughter’s MyKad done. According to SN at least Fuzi has a marriage cert even though it is not recognized in Malaysia. SN then related to me about Hasnah, a 27 year old woman, whose story was even more complicated…

Hasnah’s parents got married in Thailand. When Hasnah’s mom got pregnant, her father simply left, just like that, to God knows where. Hasnah’s mom then ran to Southern Thailand, and delivered Hasnah there - without any birth certificates. After delivery, she brought Hasnah back to Malaysia (don’t ask me how they managed to cross the border without any documentations whatsoever, okay?) and so Hasnah was brought up in Malaysia. I guess Hasnah didn’t go to any government schools; otherwise she would have had problems entering a government school without a birth cert.

Hasnah grew up and got married. Now, without the birth cert, Hasnah couldn’t have an IC either. So she grew up without any identification documents. How on earth did she manage to get married in Malaysia? She didn’t. Like mother like daughter, Hasnah too, got married in Thailand. Rather than trying to solve the problem of not having any identification documents, Hasnah opted to avoid the problem by getting married in Southern Thailand where the requirements are not as stringent. I’m not sure if it was any kind of syndicate, but the marriage sounded suspicious to me as there was no marriage certificate issued – so no question as to whether the marriage was recognized in Malaysia or not. Obviously it was not.

Hasnah’s husband then died of AIDS-related diseases and when Hasnah herself went for tests, she too was found to be HIV positive. Her in-laws took her 2 kids (I’m not too sure if they had birth certs!) and disowned Hasnah. Hasnah now lives with her aunt, the only person for the time being who can testify who Hasnah really is. Well, Hasnah and her aunt better do something now to get Hasnah the proper identification documents. If the aunt dies before that is done, chances are Hasnah’s status will remain as it is for life – no birth cert, no IC, no marriage cert, not a citizen of ANY country. In short, on paper, she doesn’t even exist! If she dies, what is there to report? Oh boy, if ever this case is passed to me, I wouldn’t even know how to start helping her!!

After SN told me about Hasnah, I thought to myself… wow! Fuzi is at least in a much better position. At least she has a marriage cert to show, although not recognized. And she has identification documents. If her children are not Malaysians, they are at least Indonesians. But Hasnah? No matter where she goes, she’s just like a fugitive…

Wah pening… pening…

And this morning, after my bath, I saw a missed call on my handphone. It was from SN. I wasn’t even ready for work yet and she has already called me. (I usually leave home around 9am… after my usual kampong exercise.) SN’s calls would only mean it has something to do with the PLWHAs, so I returned her call.

SN actually wanted me to look into a new case: Another young woman who was not referred to us earlier because her appointments never clashed with my NGO’s voluntary clinic duty. Disowned by her family, left by her husband, two children to care for and no income to support her living. Oh dear, what does she feed her children then?

Since this woman needs to come to the hospital every day for her methadone therapy, whenever needed, SN can easily tell the staff at the methadone clinic to tell her to come up to the HIV clinic before they give her the treatments she needed. Sort of twisting her arm – you don’t go upstairs first, we don’t give you your treatment for today. Otherwise she may just ponteng her HIV clinic appointments. So SN suggested that whenever I am free to come, just call SN by giving one day notice and SN will make sure this woman comes up to the HIV clinic to meet me on the appointed day.

Well, I’d better make arrangements to see her soon, hopefully by next week. I am very concerned about the 2 children. No matter what the parents have done, the children have the right to live a proper life!

Malaysian or not?

What happens when a Malaysian man marries an Indonesian woman in Narathiwat, Thailand? Well, if this was some kind of a dish, I’d call it MALINDO TOMYAM! And with too many ingredients, including lots of hot and spicy stuff, this dish can cause major stomach upset...

This story is about Fuzi. I’ve already highlighted Fuzi’s financial problems in my earlier postings. Her never-ending welfare woes continue… her measly RM115 monthly financial aid from the welfare department is still inconsistent. Thank goodness my earlier posting in this blog has resulted in one of my blog readers contributing a fixed amount monthly into Fuzi’s bank account. At least she has something to rely on to survive, especially when the welfare help comes in late.

This time I am not going to touch on the welfare problems again. It will only “make my blood go upstairs”!

Fuzi is an Indonesian woman who married an elderly Malaysian man about 13 years ago. It was this man’s second marriage after his wife died a few years back. I am not sure why he decided to get married in Thailand though. Maybe his children didn’t agree to his second marriage… or maybe there were other problems, I don’t really know.

He should have registered his marriage in Malaysia, but he did not. Whenever Fuzi asked, he just said everything had been done. Fuzi herself didn’t really know what the procedures were so she never asked further. There were no problems when Fuzi gave birth to her first 4 children. In their birth certs, their citizenship was clearly indicated as Malaysian, so Fuzi didn’t foresee any problems.

When Fuzi’s husband died a few years ago, Fuzi immediately became a single non-working mother. She has not got her PR status yet. Since her children are Malaysians, she was determined to stay on in Malaysia even if she needed to renew her visa on a yearly basis. She had her late husband’s house to stay in, even though the door may not be too secure (it didn’t have proper lock), at least Fuzi and her children still have a place they can call home.

To cut a long story short, one night somebody broke into their home and Fuzi got raped. As a result, Fuzi got pregnant, and during the tests done, she was also found to be HIV positive.

When her 5th child, Iwan, was born, without a father, in the birth cert, under the father’s info it was written as “Maklumat bapa: Tidak diketahui”. And with the mother’s citizenship being Indonesian, Iwan was considered as a non-citizen. His siblings are all Malaysians, while he is not. That’s not so bad I guess. What I can’t imagine is how he will be going to school with a birth cert which says father’s info not known – especially if the birth cert falls into the hands of a judgmental person. Oh poor Iwan!

Well, if Fuzi thought Iwan was her only worry, she was wrong. Her eldest daughter Wina turned 12 recently and off they went to JPN to get her MyKad done. Since the girl's father is no longer around and the mother is an Indonesian, JPN needed further supporting documents other than Wina’s birth cert to confirm that she’s really a Malaysian citizen. Fuzi produced her Narathiwat-issued marriage cert which is not recognized here unless and until the marriage is properly registered in Malaysia. Apparently it was not. Fuzi’s late husband never registered the marriage. So here goes…

Now Fuzi needs to go through all sorts of hassle. First, she needs to “legalize” the marriage with her late husband. That's not an easy task when the husband is no longer around. Amongst others, she needs to find the 2 witnesses to her marriage in Narathiwat. She knows where one of them stays but doesn’t know where the other one is. Now she needs to get the full name of the other witness (full names of witnesses not even written on the marriage cert, just their signatures, would you believe it?), and then get JPN’s help to find the latest address.

Other than that she also needs to prove that the marriage cert she has is not fake. The onus of proving it is on her. It was suggested that she goes to the Thailand embassy to get that done. After that she needs to go to Majlis Agama Islam, together with the names and addresses of the 2 witnesses. Once that is done and the Majlis Agama Islam is satisfied, only then will they issue a letter which Fuzi will have to bring to JPN.

I’m not sure how long the process will take. Along the way, Fuzi will need to incur lots of expenses, not only for her trips here and there, but she will also need to pay for attestations, penalties and whatever other fines for not having her marriage registered earlier (which should have been done by her late husband long ago!).

If Fuzi fails to do all that, Wina and the other children will not be getting their MyKad despite their birth cert indicating they are Malaysians. And if they don’t get their MyKad, they may face other problems in the future.

And all the while Fuzi thought Iwan was her only problem…