simplicity

pale pink camellia, originally uploaded by pilgrimgirl.

This morning in Quaker Meeting we considered the value of simplicity. I thought my readers might enjoy seeing the queries that go along with that value:

Simplicity

Life is meant to be lived from a Center, a divine Center… a life of unhurried peace and power. It is simple. It is serene. It takes no time, but it occupies all our time.
~ thomas r. kelly, testament of devotion, 1941

A life centered in God will be directed toward keeping communication with God open and unencumbered. Simplicity is best achieved through a right ordering of priorities, maintaining humility of spirit, avoiding self-indulgence, resisting the accumulation of unnecessary possessions, and avoiding over-busy lives.

Elise Boulding writes in My Part in the Quaker Adventure,
“ Simplicity, beauty, and happiness go together if they are a byproduct of a concern for something more important than ourselves.”

• Do I center my life in an awareness of God’s presence so that all things take their rightful place?

• Do I live simply, and promote the right sharing of the world’s bounty?

• Do I keep my life uncluttered with things and activities, avoiding commitments beyond my strength and light?

• How do I maintain simplicity, moderation, and honesty in my speech, my manner of living, and my daily work?

• Do I recognize when I have enough?

• Is the life of our Meeting so ordered that it helps us to simplify our lives?

the Quakerly process of 'One Week | One Tool'

One of the things I realized towards to end of my experience at "One Week | One Tool" was how very Quakerly it was.  This might have been why I felt so comfortable with the process.  Some of the main points of comparison:

• The group came together on even footing, with no assertion of personal or institutional authority.  In that same vein, everyone was given the opportunity to give input on our process.  Ironically, it was some of the youngest of us who held the 'lead' positions.  And, each of the three sub-teams had female leaders (a rarity in the IT and DH world).

• Though we had a defined goal (to create a tool), there was little sense of how exactly we would arrive at that goal.  Much of it was left to personal and group inspiration.

• We worked together by seeing the best in each other--through identifying each others' strengths and leveraging them.  

• When we sat in meetings, it was often in a circle of chairs, facing each other.

• People dressed comfortably (not to impress each other).  We ate simply (though well).  We were more focused on the task at hand than on our personal needs (including our needs for sleep).  We lived mostly communally--sharing each others' space and company for the whole week (with the exception of those few hours we retreated to our individual hotel rooms).

• Both documentation and code-writing were done collectively.

At the end of the process, we discussed whether a our "One Week" experiment was something that we could apply at our home institutions.  For the most part, we realized that the power structures of our workplaces would make it nearly impossible to replicate such an experience.  Likewise, within Quakerism it is an ongoing struggle to combat the tendencies toward hierarchies and to weigh everyone equally.  And there are times that this fails (especially when no one is willing to take responsibility for something that needs to get done).  Though I realize that a decentralized communal process is not appropriate to every project, it's nice to see just how well it can work in the Digital Humanities. 

In general I find that the web-based world is a good space for challenging traditional notions of authority--especially when no one knows who really is behind that string of text that appears on a computer screen.  For this middle-aged, one-legged female, it's an asset that my online presence often precedes peoples' acquaintance with my 'real' self, because my ideas/writings/skills become more important than my non-normative body.  I've heard it suggested that the internet is a 'democratizing' force that has the potential to disrupt many of the structures of contemporary society.  I don't know if I wholly agree that that's the case (especially with the problems of the digital divide) but it's satisfying to know that there's now a solid workable model for decentralizing the work done by tech-minded humanists, and that the tool we created, Anthologize, will also create possibilities for those of us who do primarily online writing--to have an open-source method for refining and packaging our ideas.

retreat

As happens in academia, March and April are  the season where you learn the results of all those grant applications you sent out in November and December.  The last time I applied for funding I received nearly every grant that I applied for--a rare thing in History, for sure.  But this past grant cycle has been nearly the opposite--the rejections far outweighing the acceptances.  Of course it's to be expected.  Of course it doesn't mean anything about my intrinsic worth as a scholar, but it is...wearying to keep finding all of those skinny envelopes.

So that's just one reason that some news I received in Friday was extra-exciting, that I was selected as one of the twelve "barn-raisers" for the One Week | One Tool summer institute. I read and re-read that letter, just to make sure that it wasn't another rejection.  And then stomped my feet with glee!

Just shortly after I received that news, we left town for our annual Spring retreat with our Quaker Meeting.  We gather in the mountains above Julian, CA, and spend three days strengthening our connections with each other and with our shared values.  The setting couldn't be more idyllic.  We made blood-orange marmalade together, cheered the children's Easter egg hunt, celebrated two friends' engagement with some sweet champagne, played Eurogames, sipped tea, chased wild turkeys, took naps, wandered the forest dotted with wild daffodils, and ate apple pie.  It's quite different from the Easter celebrations when our kids were younger--there were no pastel dresses or baskets filled with plastic grass. No church choir. No talk of resurrection.  After the egg hunt the children continued playing together while the adults sat in a silent circle. 

I realized, while I was there, how much I needed time to simply be with my family, my friends, and my self.  I needed the time to think and to imagine.  I needed to watch the firelight dance.  I needed to remember who I am and what I can be.

 

early rising

steps to nowhere, originally uploaded by pilgrimgirl.

This morning I awakened spontaneously, at about 6am. Perhaps it was the soft light filtering through the windows that woke me, perhaps it was the noises of Friends around me stretching and shifting in their bunks. In any case, I figured that as long as I was up so early, I would attend the early Meeting for Healing that was scheduled before breakfast.

We were staying in Temescal Canyon, just a few miles away from Malibu, with Quakers from all over southern California. It was our family's first regional Quaker gathering--so much of it was new to us.

For example, the night before I'd watched a group of Friends worshipfully dancing in rhythm around candles. That had been strange to me, but beautiful. I hadn't ever seen anyone participating sacred dance before. I'd sat and watched out of the corner of my eye while chatting with a few other women. Amazed at bodies young and old, in rapture. I'd been tempted to join in, but realized that I could enjoy it better from watching on the sidelines...

This morning as I stepped into the room where the Meeting for Healing was taking place, it seemed like any other Meeting for Worship. A small group of Friends sat in a simple circle of chairs. The one main difference was the empty chair in the center. Within a few moments a woman stepped forward and sat in the chair. All remained silent for quite some time. And then another woman walked over to her and placed her hands on the other woman's head. Then hovered her hands over the seated woman's shoulders, neck, and arms. Then she walked around and hovered her hands over the Friend's legs. Then she returned to standing behind her chair again and placed her hands on her head for several moments.

After some silent time, that woman left the center chair and another woman took her place. A Friend from the circle came up behind her and wrapped her in a warm embrace, holding her tightly for several minutes.

This process continued through several different people who chose to sit in the chair. Friends spontaneously rose and ministered to them in very physical and loving ways. Through embrace and touch.

I was moved by this so deeply that it was hard for me to process what I was seeing. Such generosity of spirit. Without rules. Without gender. Without words. Wrapped in love, hope and faith. It was as mystical and as strange to me as the dancing had been the night before. But it was also completely comfortable and familiar.

When I was in the hospital last summer, our Meeting gathered and prayed for my healing. Then, I had no idea then what exactly it meant for Friends to minister to each others' bodies and spirits in such an intimate manner.
But I'm beginning to understand now.
And I'm also slowly realizing that those times I am so insistent on carrying my own burdens...
even when they are weighty...
Perhaps sometimes
I can let a Friend reach out and help me along the way.

Picture of some stone steps along a pathway near the Lodge where we at our meals at Temescal Canyon. I loved the stonework all around the camp area and especially here, covered in red leaves.

stepping stones...

Cape Cod, originally uploaded by pilgrimgirl.

About a year ago I applied for membership in my local Quaker Meeting. Joining a Quaker Meeting is not like joining a religion like Mormonism--there's not a proscribed set of rituals involved in the process and it's largely a local matter.

My reasons for joining were numerous, but they boiled down to something very simple...it just felt right. Every time I considered the choice, I felt full of joy and light. I tried to talk myself out of it several times. There was no compelling reason for me to join--there was no barrier to my participating fully in the community as an 'attender' rather than as a member. But I also wanted to be true to the leading that I'd felt to join, especially when doing so produced such a strong feeling of satisfaction.

To join I wrote a simple letter to the clerk of our Meeting, explaining to her why I felt compelled to seek membership. Some important points in that letter included my desire to take on the identity of a Quaker, my family's support in my doing so, and my acknowledgement that this choice might not sit well with my Mormon leaders. I expressed a desire to maintain a dual religious identity, knowing that both traditions are deeply important to me. Then the clerk, along with the Ministry & Oversight Committee, put together a group of women to serve on my membership committee. I met with them and discussed my feelings about seeking membership. It was a delightful experience and I felt such deep peace with this decision.

As a public acknowledgment of my decision, the Orange County Friends held a 'Welcoming Meeting' for me yesterday, which was an outdoor inter-generational potluck of Friends & friends. The Meeting presented me with a copy of Mothers of Feminism: The Story of Quaker Women in America, which I can't wait to read (and what a great match for my interest in American feminism!)! Frankly, I was rather embarrassed to be the center of attention at this event, but also felt such happiness at celebrating this occasion with so many people that cared for me and my spiritual journey.

Officially becoming a Quaker changes very little about who I am, but it is one more important stepping stone on the path of my pilgrim-life. More than I can express with words, I appreciate all of you who are supporting me--either virtually or in "real-life"--as I make my way on this journey.

John took some great pics of my party.

pilgrimclassic: because of my weakness

Feeling the need to republish this "classic" piece due to recent happenings. Perhaps my true sadness is that this church continues to provoke such strong feelings of frustration and disappointment, just when I think I've made "peace" with it. I want to say some more and to really vent, but I'll hold off. It's just not even worth wasting my time on, methinks.

The acknowledgment of our weakness
is the first step in repairing our loss.
~Thomas Kempis

While I was at the Sunstone Symposium in August, sitting in a session about women and the Mormon church, I had to fight the urge to flee the room.

In sitting there I realized that the rationales, the angst, and the pain of gender inequity--those were the things that I'd been so relieved to leave behind when I stopped attending LDS church. Being confronted with them again was repulsive and pulled me back to that dark place where I'd been a few years ago: a sort of dark cave where I felt stranded. Where I couldn't see how god could bless an institution that was so biased, so short-sighted. And at the same time afraid of the pain that would come to me and to my extended family should I choose to walk away.

As these thoughts ran through my mind I felt a pendulum of emotion shifting to and fro inside of me and I was on the verge of tears. And then I realized something about myself...I'm just not one of the "strong ones" who can continue on in the LDS church while being fully aware all of its flaws. My soul and my spirit just aren't up for the task. I am too weak. Too fragile. I need a spiritual home where I am buoyed and supported and affirmed. The dissonance of being Mormon was literally ripping my spirit into pieces. I felt no hope there.

For me, the move to practicing as a Quaker is not just transferring my allegiance to a new religious institution. It's about adopting a spiritual practice and community based on the yearnings of my heart and not based on my pedigree and my upbringing. It's a choice for comfort and peace. It's laying down the struggle of trying to fit into the LDS mold--the continued abrasiveness of being a square peg that can't adapt to the expectations and orthodoxies of Mormonism. It's about recognizing my own weakness and accepting it.

The Mormon founder, Joseph Smith, compared his spiritual journey to that of a rough stone rolling down a mountain. He saw each of his experiences as chipping away at himself, smoothing away his raw edges. Me, I'm not up for a similar trajectory, or perhaps my body has just had enough trauma. I'm seeking an angle of repose.

Let me quote from a favorite author who has walked a similar path:

Spirituality is solitary...At times, it is lonely, often informed by pain. On other occasions, it is the body submerged in a phosphorescent tide, every movement sparking a trail of illumination. Afterwards, we sit on the shore in moonlight. No candles are necessary. Spirituality exists when we are present, buoyed up by the waters of attention. We learn the courage of faith. It is peace that is earned. We can take solace in the heat of doubt knowing this is the pulse of poetry.
~Terry Tempest Williams, Leap (2000)

Special Election

For my California friends...Here are the recommendations for the May 19 Special Election from the Friends Committee on Legislation:

Proposition 1A: No. State Budget.
Proposition 1B: Neutral. Education Funding
Proposition 1C: No. Lottery Modernization.
Proposition 1D: No. Protects Children's Services.
Proposition 1E: No. Mental Health Services.
Proposition 1F: No. Elected Officials' Salaries.

To learn more about why they made these recommendations, click here.

which has more clarity...

Warning: if you are one of the people who gets their knickers in a knot when I compare Mormonism to Quakerism, just skip this post, ok?

Last night I attended a Finance Committee Meeting for our Quaker congregation. There were many agenda items and among them was a discussion of the wording for a statement about the appropriate usage of funds by various committees within the meeting. For about 10 minutes we debated whether two particular sentences were worded with clarity. The crux of the discussion came down to whether using a semi-colon or starting a new sentence would make a particular section of the statement more clear.

In this room were 4 women and 2 men. At least 4 of those people had advanced degrees. Four of us were "mature" and two of us were young-ish. Everyone had the chance to express an opinion. Each expression was considered equally and the decision was made to use the period rather than a semi-colon. My feeling was that the statement was fine either way and was clear either way. I didn't contribute much to the discussion.

As we moved on to the other agenda items, a large concern was how to make the Meeting's financial situation more clear to all those who attend weekly meetings--especially so everyone could know how important each contribution was to the well-being of our group. It was decided to put some of the information in the monthly newsletter and to create a graphical representation of the Meeting's various financial allocations to have in the area outside the Worship room, where we meet for refreshments each week following Silent Meeting.

IF you are familiar with the LDS church then you will know that there is no transparency about the usage of donated funds. And, to be a member in good standing you are required to donate ten percent of your income to the church. Yes, if you have a particular leadership calling you might know how local funds are allocated. But the church does not release any information about the usage of the funds sent to SLC nor does it disclose the value of any of its vast holdings and investments. And, as I have said before, there is great gender disparity about who gets to make any kind of financial decisions in LDS wards. Local leaders are not allowed to set their own policies about financial allocations--meaning that they can't decide how much of their funds go to Salt Lake and how much of it remains locally-held. This all comes straight from church HQ.

So sure, it can be a bit tedious to sit in a meeting and debate the merits of specific punctuation--especially when it seems such a very small detail. But I found it quite charming, simply because of the very fact that such an item could be on an agenda and could be up for discussion by all of us, even myself.

Personal Relationships and Equality

rose at the H, originally uploaded by pilgrimgirl.

For October at Quaker Meeting the topic for the queries was "personal relationships." Some of the questions that were offered as a catalyst for meditation:

For individuals:

Do I make my home a place of friendliness, joy, and peace, where residents and visitors feel God’s presence?

Are my sexual practices consistent with my spiritual beliefs and free of manipulation and exploitation?

What barriers keep me from responding openly and lovingly to each person?

For the Meeting community:

Do we open our thoughts, beliefs, and deep understandings to our children and others who share our lives and our hospitality?

Do we provide our children and young adults with a framework for active, ongoing participation in the Meeting?

With the polarization of the political factions in our country the past few weeks, I've found myself cynically responding to those who believe differently than I do. However a few times I was able to step away from my own dogmatism and have a conversation about the issues with another person who believed differently than me. I found that when I did this I could find a space of common ground and that it fostered tolerance and kindness between us, rather than a feeling of hostility. I am grateful for those bridge-building moments. They've buoyed me through the morass of negativity that's coming from the media right now.

I had the interesting experience of clerking a Quaker committee meeting on Sunday, where we learned about and debated the merits of the various California ballot Propositions. By happenstance the attendees of the meeting were all men who were about 20 years older than me. We had a vigorous and enjoyable discussion. I felt that everyone's opinions were valued even if we completely disagreed on many of the measures. What the attendees of that meeting probably didn't realize, was that I was totally reeling with the experience--because in a Mormon context I would never have had the opportunity or the responsibility to conduct a meeting of older men. Nor would I have asserted my opinion as one of equal weight as those of men (because all LDS men who are over the age of 12 hold the priesthood and are therefore given the role of mouthpiece for God--I'm simplifying it a bit, but my teenage son could say prayers and administer rituals that no Mormon woman ever could, at any age).

When I consider the last query above about how the Meeting offers opportunities for everyone to participate...and I think about my having led a church meeting in a manner that so clearly emphasized the equality of gender and age, I feel happy that I worship with Friends. Because equality is important to me.

it had to be blogged...

From a fellow Friend:
"We'll put an end to those ugly rumors that Obama is a Muslim, and start some ugly rumors that he is a Quaker."

let's talk about SPICES

Lots of folks are curious about our family's adoption of the Quaker faith (Religious Society of Friends) after we stopped attending the Mormon church, so I thought I'd write a bit about that tradition and what draws us to it.

First of all, it's important to note that there is a huge spectrum of Quaker beliefs and practices. There are evangelical Christian Quakers and there are atheist Quakers, and everything in between. The common threads that tie this groups together are the SPICES testimonies:

Simplicity
Peace
Integrity
Community
Equality
Sustainability

Quakers tend to worship in Silence. This means that rather than having a church service with music, sermon, rituals, and prayers, Friends sit in a circle in silence together (although there are "programmed" traditions within Quakerism that do have some of these elements). Occasionally an individual will break the silence to share their thoughts with the group. Some of my friends who've attended Quaker Meeting with us have found this mode of worship rather disconcerting.

Quakerism has a rich history, and Friends have been key players in many significant social movements, such as abolition and suffrage. Today Quakers are typically noted for their opposition to war.

If you would like to learn more about the Quaker tradition, my best suggestion is for you to find a local Meeting to attend--many have an "Intro to Quakerism" class for those who want to learn more. There are also many online resources about Quakerism and I can recommend some books that you'll find informative: Friends for 350 Years and Plain Living: a Quaker Path to Simplicity. Those with Mormon background might find Heidi Hart's account of her journey to Quakerism to be good reading: Grace Notes

I've spent time with Quakers in Boston, Logan, Pasadena, Salt Lake City, San Diego, and Orange County. What typically stands out to me is the strength of the older women in the Meetings and the simplicity of the surroundings in which Friends worship. Our family has been warmly welcomed in each Meeting that we've attended. Recently, John posted some thought-provoking excerpts of an interview with our children about their transition from Mormon to Friend.

And, FYI, just so you know that Quakers do have a sense of humor.

Photo: Me standing in the historic Friends' Meetinghouse in Beacon Hill. John and I stayed in a room at the Meetinghouse during our last visit to Boston (our room overlooked the garden courtyard--lucky us!)

at sunset

at sunset, originally uploaded by pilgrimgirl.

This is a photo that I took at sunset yesterday. I'd made a quick trip to the garden to gather herbs for John's Father's Day dinner and then just had to snap a few pictures.

I came across this quotation yesterday and it's been in my mind ever since:

"True simplicity consists not in the use of particular forms, but in foregoing over-indulgence, in maintaining humility of spirit, and in keeping the material surroundings of our lives directly serviceable to necessary ends, even though these surroundings may be properly characterized by grace, symmetry, and beauty."
~Book of Discipline of the Religious Society of Friends, Adopted by the Philadelphia Yearly Meeting, 1927

In so many ways my garden is a space echoes my desire for "humility in spirit." When I am there I am in awe of the world and my small place in it, I am overwhelmed by my own inability at mastery, and I am constantly blessed by grace, symmetry, and beauty.

Social and Civic Responsibility

Friends, these are the Queries from my Friends Meeting for this month. I wanted to share them with you, thinking that you might find them thought-provoking...

Advice and Queries, June
Social and Civic Responsibility

In the words of William Penn, “True godliness doesn’t draw men out of the world, but enables them to live better in it and excites their endeavors to mend it.” Elsewhere he commented: “It is a reproach to religion and government to suffer so much poverty and excess.”

Poverty within a wealthy society is unjust, cruel, and often linked to skin color, gender, and language. We must examine our own privilege and role in the economic order that deepens this disparity. Friends should be alert to oppression and injustice, and persistent in working against them.

We value our part in shaping the laws of our country. Our task is to see that laws serve God’s purposes and build a just social order. Our first allegiance should be to God, and if this conflicts with any compulsion of the state, we serve our country best by remaining true to our higher loyalty.

If, by divine leading, our attention is focused on a law that is contrary to God’s law, we must proceed with care. Before acting, Friends should pray for further guidance and speak with the Meeting, family members, and all those who might be affected by the decision. If a decision involves disobedience to the law, we should make the grounds of our action clear to all concerned and be prepared to suffer any penalties without evasion. As a community, we must care for those who suffer for conscience’s sake.

Advice and Queries for all individuals

What am I doing to carry my share of responsibility for the government of our community, nation, and the world?

Am I persistent in my efforts to promote constructive change?

Advice and Queries for the meeting

How do we attend to the suffering of others in our local community, in our state and nation, and in the world community?

Do we try to understand the causes of suffering, and do we address them as a Meeting?

How do we, individually and as a Meeting, support the organizations that work to bring the testimonies of Friends into reality in our society?

Advice and Queries especially for children

Social and civic responsibility means we should not be content to live in an unjust world.

What does it mean to be a good citizen?

What can I do if I see things that are unfair?

Do I know how my Meeting is helping people and do I participate in these activities?

Do I try to understand why people are poor or unhappy, not only here but throughout the world?

which part is mine?

Today as I sat in silence, an old song was running through my mind. It's a ballad by LDS songwriter Michael McLean and each verse portrays a stage of a women's life and has her perplexed by her role in her various relationships--with friends, spouse, children and spiritual journey. The refrain asks "Which part is mine and which part is yours?"

I thought about this song as I pondered my various relationships. I wondered, for example, about my children's growing autonomy. At what point do I intervene and help them to solve their problems and when do I let them learn their own lessons? How much do I hover? When it is better to let them strike out on their own? How can I affirm my love without stifling them or breaking their will? And are there moments when I am too aloof, too absorbed in my own projects?

I thought about it in terms of my relationship with John. I considered the significant investment I have in him and how difficult it is for me when, like this last week, he is out of town. And I wonder what the best balance is between absorbing myself in him and pursuing my own goals & desires? I considered those moments when my being self-focused weakens our relationship. Yet I also think that, in many ways, I can only be a good partner when I have a strong self to offer. Which part is mine and which part is his, indeed?

This line of thought also has resonance with my involvement in the larger community of Friends. For the past two years I've mostly been a recipient--indulging in the efforts of others' planning, sharing, and ministry. This has been a necessary time to nourish my wounded soul. Accepting the care of others has allowed me space and time for healing. I wonder, though, if it isn't my turn to serve? As I sat in Meeting today and acknowledged each person in the circle I realized that I have much to give. I am no longer the girl in corner who is constantly on the verge of tears, who has no voice to speak in Meeting. Perhaps ironically, this brings to mind some words from my patriarchal blessing, an admonishment to "move with confidence because there are many who look to you as an example and who will receive encouragement from you through your example." I am starting to feel that it is "my part" to become more active in the Meeting community. Perhaps it is time to return some of what I have received.

pilgrimclassic: Casting Faith

This post originally appeared on Nov 19, 2006:

On Thursday during my casting appointment there was a group of four people involved in the process—two prosthetists and two interns—each taking a different role in wrapping my residual limb in a flexible fiberglass shell, then shaping that shell into a form that will both conform to my anatomy and will also best contain the tissue, muscle and bone as I walk. This is an intimate process, as the socket of my prosthetic leg interfaces with the major bones of the pelvic girdle—holding in the ischium and pressing against the ramus.

It is an odd feeling to have two male prosthetists shaping the casting material between my legs and around my hip. Realizing that they are interacting with the most personal spaces of my body. Knowing that it is their job and this is a necessary process for getting a good fitting socket. Me, trying to remain a bit aloof and distanced from the process, yet at the same time having such high hopes that they will get a good fit—that the socket will work well and not cause pain and the suppurating sores that I’ve suffered with for the past few years.

On Thursday evening I experienced a different form of intimacy. I gathered around the kitchen table of a Friend, holding hands with three Quaker women who agreed to serve on my Clearness Committee. We sat in silence, in prayer, until I felt moved to speak, to tell them of the turmoil in my heart in the process of leaving Mormonism. I spoke hesitantly, nervously. Their role was only to ask open-ended questions. Not to judge. Not to guide. After 90 minutes of speaking and silence, they mirrored what I had spoken back to me. They told me what they had heard me say. They discussed how my body language revealed the truths of my heart. Most of all, they shared their concern for the burdens that I am carrying.

Perhaps ironically, the Clearness Committee experience was far more discomfiting and intimate than the casting for my prosthesis. For I don't readily share the thoughts of my heart. Yes, I do this daily blogging, but I speak primarily of mundanity here. I've only very hesitantly shared the steps of my spiritual journey with anyone. I suspect that most just can't understand. Within the Mormon community I feel censure and distrust. I have few friends who can empathize with the loss of faith. Who can grieve with me through this process?

Outside of Mormonism, I am flummoxed by trying to explain what leaving the church means. That it is a complete change of worldview. Is it, perhaps, like having to relearn to walk?

There is a popular LDS song called “I Walk By Faith” that I sang often during my teen years. I identified with this song as a young Mormon who was developing faith in Christ and as an amputee, because each step involved trusting my prosthesis in hopes that it would support my weight. So now on my spiritual journey away from the LDS Church I am learning what it means to walk by uncertainty, to walk by doubt, to walk into completely unknown territory as my heart leads me onwards. Ironically, this seems the biggest leap of faith thus far.

for peace...

These are the thoughts and questions that we are focused on this month in our Quaker Meeting. Perhaps you might find them fruitful for reflection, too.

November Advice and Queries (from Faith and Reason):
PEACE

Friends oppose all war as inconsistent with God’s will. As every person is a child of God, we recognize God’s Light also in our adversaries. Violence and injustice deny this reality and violate the teachings of Jesus and other prophets.
Friends challenge their governments and take personal risks in the cause of peace. We urge one another to refuse to participate in war as soldiers, or as arms manufacturers. We seek ways to support those who refrain from paying taxes that support war. We work to end violence within our own borders, our homes, our streets, and our communities. We support international order, justice and understanding.
Become an instrument of peace. At every opportunity, be peacemakers in your homes, workplaces and communities. Steep yourself in the power of the universal Spirit. Examine your actions for the seeds of violence, degradation and destructiveness. Overcome the emotions that lie at the root of violence and nurture instead a spirit of reconciliation and love. Come to know the oneness of all creation and oppose the destruction of the natural world.

Advice and Queries for all individuals:
Do I live in the virtue of that life and power that takes away the occasion of all wars?
How do I nourish peace within myself as I work for peace in the world?
Do I confront violence wherever it occurs, even when my personal relationships are involved?
Where there is distrust, injustice or hatred, how am I an instrument of reconciliation and love?

Advice and Queries for the meeting:
What are we doing to remove the causes of war and destruction of the planet, and to bring about lasting peace?
Do we reach out to all parties in a conflict with courage and love?

reverence

As Mormon children we are taught a lot about reverence. In Mo parlance reverence doesn't have anything to do with respect or awe, it's about sitting quietly in your seat with your arms folded across your lap (and I'm not at all exaggerating about the posture) for the 3-hour block of meetings each Sunday. As children we are repeatedly told this and every week in the children's Primary meeting there are 'reverence songs' to underscore these ideas.

I haven't heard the word reverence discussed in Quaker circles, at least not in any memorable way. What did move me greatly recently, though, was this blogpost about a Silent Quaker Meeting that wasn't silent. Because there was an autistic child experiencing silent worship for the first time and it was not a wholly comfortable experience for him. He spoke loudly and was somewhat belligerent. While I cringed just a wee bit at the spectacle aspect of this story, the author does a fine job of illustrating the difference between silence and silent worship. IMO, silent worship does not mean that there is an absence of sound (and anyone who's worshiped in our downtown Santa Ana Meetinghouse can attest to the fact that street noises don't preclude Silent Worship).

A quote from the article, explaining what occurred after the close of the not-Silent Meeting:

Friends greeted the mother and the boy. The mother attempted to apologize. No one was having any of that. We knew that we had experience a first rate Quaker meeting. We know that the purpose of meeting is not to escape from the world to a place quiet enough to listen, but to learn to listen well enough that we can listen anywhere, under any conditions. It had been a good and rewarding morning’s practicum. We were grateful. There was not a single kvetcher, not a single grumbler, not then, not later.

One of those present was a new attender, a new Christian, a new Quaker. She is a transgendered woman. She has lots of tattoos. She was checking us out, watchful. She had been burned by church people. She walked up to me after meeting and said “Well, hmm. I guess you really mean it. I guess everyone really is welcome, wow. Walking the talk, hmm.”

God told the psalmist, Be still and know that I am God. Quakers like that verse. Many think the stillness referred to means silence. It does not. The Hebrew verb means to relax, let go, stop trying so hard, release. In order to see God, you have to stop striving, stop relying on your own strength. You have to give up your notions of how things should be. You have to let go of preferences and pet peeves. You have to open yourself up to the uncomfortable.

Then God shows up.

Because I loved this post so very much and I wanted to share it with each of you, I intended to blog about it today. Perhaps it was just coincidence that I received an email message from my LDS ward this morning that illustrated the contrast between the Quaker approach to worship and the Mormon way. My ward's bishopric sent out a notice to each of the ward members encouraging them to follow the guidelines for reverence set forth in this article by Orson Scott Card (a well-known SF writer and active Mormon). In this piece Card offers a list of simple rules to enforce obedience and reverence in children. He says that when a young child begins to be loud or unruly, their parent must remove them from the meeting immediately and physically confine them in their arms. Some of his instructions:

1) Hold the child firmly in your arms (but not so tightly as to hurt).
2) Hold him in front of you so that he is looking into your eyes. Don't hold him at your shoulder, like a burping baby, or he'll kick you mercilessly. And never hold him on your lap so he is looking away from you, toward all the pleasing distractions of the foyer.
3)His arms must not be free, and any limbs that he is flailing about must be made immobile. It is essential that you achieve this through persistence, not through pain. That is, don't grip him so tightly that he stops struggling because it hurts. Rather grip him firmly enough that he can't get his limbs free, but whenever he stops struggling there is no pain or even discomfort. In fact, when he isn't struggling, he finds that he is merely being held close to the warm body of his loving parent.

Card also adds details of what the parents are to say to the child and then how to reward them for subsequent reverent behavior. He states that he has "never seen this fail" to produce the desired behavior modification in children and asserts

If all parents would establish clear rules for their children, and, by persuasion and longsuffering, labor to bring them into compliance with good rules of behavior, not only would our [church] meetings no longer sound like zoos, but within a generation our foyers would be empty because everyone would be in the meeting.

Our children and each new generation of adults, blessed with skills of self-control learned young, would find themselves living in a world that was more civilized because Mormon parents, at least, were no longer raising barbarian children.

Am I the only one who found his rhetoric a bit over the top? Sigh....[and to be honest, I suspect that the din on my ward is much more a product of an overly-large ward that needs to be split and not necessarily about unruly children...]

So John and I have amazingly well-behaved kids. Though I am reticent to take any credit for their goodness, I believe that a large measure of their ability to act appropriately--even in long boring meetings--comes from tolerance and respect. Not merely from learning to respect others, but from being tolerated and respected themselves. We have not tried to "break" the will of our children. Rather, we've relished each stage of their development and understood that it's not appropriate to expect the same behavior of a 3 year-old that you expect from a 13 or a 30 year-old. Likewise, we have regarded our kids' opinions and ideas highly and have tried to hear their frustrations rather than assert our own expectations on them.

And, honestly, I suspect that if Jesus were to visit my ward's sacrament meeting, he wouldn't be sitting on the stand and wishing for parents to more dutifully restrain their young ones.
Rather, I imagine him in his role as a mother hen (see Matthew 23:7), calling his children to himself, enfolding them in his arms and letting each of them know that they are loved, just as they are. And explaining that he instilled children with a sense of wonder and curiosity and strong voices. That these are divine gifts. And that these little ones have much to teach us.

Especially those of us who have forgotten what it means to 'become as a little child':

1 At the same time came the disciples unto Jesus, saying, Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?
2 And Jesus called a little child unto him, and set him in the midst of them,
3 And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.
4 Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.
5 And whoso shall receive one such little child in my name receiveth me. (KJV Matthew 18:1-4)

the road of human tenderness

These lines were penned by the first Quaker Nobel Peace Prize winner, Emily Greene Balch, who won the award in 1946:

Let us be patient with one another,
And even patient with ourselves.
We have a long, long way to go.
So let us hasten along the road,
The road of human tenderness and generosity.
Groping, we may find one another's hands in the dark

As a historical note, Quakers have been awarded the Peace Prize multiple times:

1977 Amnesty International (founded by Quakers)
1947 Friends Service Council, American Friends Service Committee (both are Quaker organizations)
Though she was raised Quaker, she later became Presbyterian:
1931 Jane Addams

There may be other Quaker Peace Prize winners that I'm not aware of....do let me know if I've missed any.

Oh, and how do you feel about Al Gore's award? You can weigh in over at John's blog.

queries

In our Quaker Meeting, on the first Sunday of each month, the clerk reads the "Advice and Query" for the month to give us something to reflect on as a group. There is also extra time given to speaking about the queries after the regular time allotted to Meeting for Worship.

This is the Advice & Queries that were read in our Meeting today and in other Meetings throughout the region encompassed by the Pacific Yearly Meeting:

Personal Relationships

Advice

In daily relationships with others, both inside and outside the home, our lives as Friends speak immediately and lastingly. In these relationships, our faith may also be severely tested. We are called to respond to that of God in everyone: we are all children of God. Friends celebrate any union that is dedicated to mutual love and respect, regardless of the unique make-up of the family. We strive to create homes where the Spirit of the Divine resides at the center and where the individual genius of each member is respected and nurtured.

Human sexuality is a divine gift, forming part of the complex union of body, mind and spirit that is our humanity. In a loving adult relationship in a context of mutual responsibility, sexuality brings delight, fulfillment and celebration.

The presence of children carries a special blessing as well as responsibility. Children bring unique spiritual gifts — wonder, resiliency, playfulness and more. Recognize and honor the Divine Light within children and treat them with the dignity and respect that is due to all people. Listen to and learn from children; share with them those values and practices that are central to our own lives. Special care must be given to resolving problems between adults and children in a manner that gives equal weight to the feelings and needs of both children and adults. Tender parenting is one of the critically important peace vocations in our society.Make every effort to offer all parents the personal and institutional support that this challenging work requires.

Take a strong stand against any form of abuse, whether that abuse is minor or severe, and whether it is emotional, physical or sexual in nature. The terrible impact of abuse on the most vulnerable members of our families creates lifelong suffering for its victims and is a major source of violence in our society. Perpetrators are themselves usually victims of similar violence and should be approached with compassion as well as firmness.

Queries

Do I make my home a place of friendliness, joy, and peace, where residents and visitors feel God’s presence?

Are my sexual practices consistent with my spiritual beliefs and free of manipulation and exploitation?

What barriers keep me from responding openly and lovingly to each person?

Do we open our thoughts, beliefs, and deep understandings to our children and others who share our lives and our hospitality?

Do we provide our children and young adults with a framework for active, ongoing participation in the Meeting?

[Note: the latter two queries refer to the Meeting as a whole, whereas the others are meant to apply to each individual in the Meeting]

I find that these queries offer a contrast between my experience as a Quaker and my experience as a Latter-day Saint. As a Mormon you are annually (or every other year) asked a list of questions in a one-on-one interview between you and your (male) bishop where you discuss your sexuality and any occasion of abuse within your family. As a Quaker you are offered the queries as a guide for personal reflection and you may share your thoughts with the group as you feel led to do so. Much could be said about the differences between the two systems, but I feel hesitant to comment much more on that right now.

When I first heard this query (last month in October, I believe), my heart leapt when I heard the words "In a loving adult relationship in a context of mutual responsibility, sexuality brings delight, fulfillment and celebration." Yes, my heart said. That is right. Delight. Fulfillment. Celebration. And I added in my mind: Joy.

aching

---Trigger alert----




On our way to Quaker Meeting on Sunday morning, as we were on an onramp, we saw this--passing the man's car on the onramp just moments after he jumped to his death. We were fairly sure it was a suicide, but tried to minimize the situation because we didn't want to freak out the kids.

I found it difficult to concentrate during Worship after having passed this scene. While I respect the difficulty of a suicide choice and I don't want to trivialize or sensationalize this incident, my heart just aches knowing that someone was hurting so badly.
Note: H/T to John for the link.