Prayers

When Cameron was born, it was a really dark time for our family. I don't think I really comprehended just how hard that was until recently; I think I've actually been in denial about how utterly difficult that was for us. I say "was," but it still sort of is hard. Even though Cameron is truly our miracle and has surpassed every expectation that anyone ever had for him, his future is a little frightening. We know he'll have to have at least two more open heart surgeries; I dread this with every part of my soul. But, if you know Cameron, you know he is a happy, stubborn, smart, friendly, funny little boy who truly loves life, so we try to focus on the miracles of each day and the happy fact that he is here with us, challenging us, loving us, and giving us a reason to go on.



In his first week of life, I craved normalcy. I knew that his condition was critical, that he would have a major surgery, and that, because his lungs had been so compressed in utero, he might never breathe on his own. But, I wanted something, anything, to be normal. Because he was on a ventilator, we couldn't hold him. I remember sitting by his bedside, aching from the c-section and aching for my two little ones at home, trying to pretend that instead of maneuvering my hands through all of the tubes and wires to be able to touch him just a little bit, I was actually holding him. I'd close my eyes and pretend that I could feed him and snuggle him. I wanted so desperately to have some sort of connection with him, to let him know that I loved him, and I felt that I couldn't convey that to him because I couldn't do all of the things that one normally does for her newborn child.



But, Heavenly Father knew my desperation, so He gave me two little, tiny things to help me in that first week before his heart surgery. One day, while Dave and I were there with him, I was stroking his little hand with my finger. Of course, healthy babies have a reflex that causes them to grip your finger tightly in their fist. Because Cameron was heavily sedated, he hadn't been able to do that. But, that day, he did. He squeezed my finger so tightly and, in wonder, Dave and I took turns letting him squeeze our fingers for a little while until he stopped. It was amazing. Then, the next day, he opened his eyes and looked at me for the first time. I felt a deep connection with my son as we looked at each other. He'd been so sedated and his eyes so swollen that he hadn't been able to do that. After a brief minute or two, he couldn't hold his eyes open any more and he closed them. I was so thankful that I'd been given that blessing before he went into surgery.



For the next year or so, I kept having this feeling that we were supposed to have another baby very soon. In my sane moments, I would think, "What?! We can't have another baby yet. Cameron is still so sick and so young. What are you thinking, Deb?!" And yet, there were many, many times that I felt very strongly that we not only needed another baby, but that I needed to get pregnant right away. As Cameron entered his second year, that feeling started to go away, and then resurfaced last year (resulting in our new, sweet Max!). I've often wondered why I had been feeling that way, when it was, so clearly, not the right time for another child.



I've since realized that what was making me feel that we needed another baby right then was this need for something normal. I think I was sad, and maybe a little angry, that I hadn't had the opportunity to have a normal delivery, a normal two-day hospital stay, and a healthy baby that I could cuddle and feed. I felt cheated. So, I had thought we needed to hurry and have another one so this void could be filled. It wasn't that Cameron himself was making me feel a void, it was the whole happy newborn experience that I'd enjoyed with Vanessa and Sam that I missed and craved.



And so, last month, it happened. I started feeling strong contractions on a Wednesday night and by the next morning, at 6:35 a.m. the doctor lifted Max up over the sheet after my very routine c-section and I got to see him for the first time. (My first thought was, "We got our mini-Dave!!!") Unlike Cameron, Max didn't have to be resuscitated at birth. I heard him cry. Dave went with him to the nursery and got to watch him be bathed for the first time. I touched his fine, black hair. I got to try to feed him when he was three hours old. He roomed-in with me and I could look at him whenever I wanted (thinking so many times, "Whoa! He doesn't have any tubes or medications going into him! Yeah!") I smelled him. I held him in my arms. My prayers have been answered.




Good times.

Introducing...

...our cherished and adored

Maxwell Santiago

Seven pounds, five ounces. Nineteen inches long. Black hair, dark eyes. Squishy, soft, and smells like heaven!

There's nothing like having a new baby in the house. Suddenly, everything matters a little bit more, yet strangely, nothing matters anymore! Everything's a bit more exciting, a bit more tiring, a bit more loving, a bit more...

...Magical.

Picky doo on hold

Our favorite Picky doo is not blogging for the next few days cause she just had a beautiful baby boy. For more details see daveandthegoodkids.blogspot.com. Here is a sneak preview.



Sincerely,
Deb's husband

Baby Buggaboo Vanessa

Photographic praise for this pic of nearly-four-year-old Vanessa once again goes to Amy Springer of http://www.tiltphotography.com/!

Vanessa has turned eight.

Now that I can pick my heart up off the floor and dust it off (since it happened over a month ago and I'm beginning to get over the shock!), I have decided to write a post all about my girl.

Vanessa is my first-born. When you're a mom, there's just something about your first-born child, isn't there? I don't know if it was the 23 1/2 hour labor (complete with broken tailbone and other unmentionable "niceities" of childbirth) or if it was that we had to go through this new mother thing together, or what. But, the hardships have certainly played a part in forming an indescribable bond there.

Here are some fun things that Vanessa has said over the years:

At age three: "I don't like the boys at the library because they tried to meet me."

At age four: "Ah-ha! I know why Daddy is brown! It's 'cause he likes peanut butter so much!"

At age five, during a prayer while Daddy was away on business: "And, Heavenly Father, make sure that his plane doesn't fall out of the sky. But if it does, PLEASE catch him!"

At age five, after making her choose some items to donate from her overcrowded bedroom: "D.I. is the monster in my life!"

At age six, after sitting on the floor for a long time: "Ugh! My foot's half asleep...oh wait, now it's whole asleep."

At age seven, "Is this summer water? Oh, I mean spring water!"

At age seven, when three Hispanic guys so graciously came to our van to help Dave push us out of a snowdrift, "Daddy's not the oddball anymore!" (She always feels bad that Dave's really the only "dark" one in the family...maybe baby number four (who'll be here in about eight days!!!!!!) will look more like him.)

Vanessa sure keeps us laughing. She really does have a positive outlook on life and is good at letting things (most things) sorta roll right off her back. She never stays upset or sad for very long at all, which is a good lesson for me to remember. She and I of course don't always see eye-to-eye, but I've noticed lately that we are closer than ever, which I guess is one good thing about her turning eight. We certainly have some good, in-depth conversations now that she's older.

Here are some of her favorites:

Color: green

Foods: red bell peppers, tomatoes, fruit, and Italian food

Things to do: READ, dance, help with meal preparation, READ, use her imagination while playing with her brothers, anything involving the second grade...she loves school and learning, watch anything having to do with "High School Musical" and "Hannah Montana," READ, be in charge, play piano, plan things out and make lists, play with Daddy (dressing him up, walking on his back, wrestling with him, making him posters and pictures, etc.), and READ. She also places being the last one to finish her snack very high on her priority list.

Even though it was sad that Dave was out of town on her birthday (He was on a CARRIBEAN CRUISE for work...the little brat...yes, he missed us, but yes, he had a blast!), we celebrated a few days early before he left by going to Kangaroo Zoo and Chuck-A-Rama. On her actual birthday, we went to Chuck-A-Rama again, this time with Grandad and Nonna Goodman treating us. We had a family party, shared with her cousin Tyler, that following Sunday, and then, to add to the birthday debauchery, we gave her a "H.S.M." friend party with C.D. magnetic photo frame crafts, craft foam pendants, and a menu of hot dogs, popcorn, soda, and H.S.M. cupcakes.

Stay tuned for a separate post all about her baptism...and news of the upcoming arrival of our baby!

And now, the photo montage:

About Furniture

The first sofa we ever purchased was from D.I. and cost us $25. It was dark brown, sturdy, and hard; it screamed, "I've spent the last twenty years in an old church foyer. " I never quite loved it, but I did really like it, mostly because it represented our ability to actually buy things as a couple.

Our next sofa purchase was a sofa/love seat from Oak Plus. We waited many weeks for it to arrive because it had to be made in California first. (Don't let that fool you into thinking it was really great or anything; that's just how Oak Plus did things. Notice I said "did." They went out of business a few years ago. I don't think quality was ever really in their vocabulary...but I guess you get what you pay for, right?) We were particularly anxious to get our new furniture because we had disposed of "Ol' Brown" (it's kind of a long story), so I had to spend weeks breastfeeding our five-month-old Vanessa while sitting on the floor. One of my not-so-proud moments of my adult life involved a heated telephone discussion concerning the weeks-long delay of our sofa with the salesman at Oak Plus in which I actually said (in response to his "Ma'am, I have no idea when your furniture will arrive..."), "Well, YOU try breastfeeding your baby while sitting on the floor!" Yes, I did say salesMAN. Sometimes I really embarrass myself.

Anyway, the sofa and love seat finally came and we loved them: the perfect shade of dark green and small enough to fit my short legs. It was soon apparent, however, that this furniture would not last long. The fabric began wearing away at an alarming rate and soon there wasn't any spring or give left. Sitting on them had sorta become a joke; you had to just clunk down into them and hope that you didn't hit a metal bar in the process. I guess it didn't help that our children spent many, many hours using them as their jungle gyms/playhouses/boats/forts/American Gladiator obstacle courses. And, it didn't help that we kept them probably four years too long.

So, with the upcoming arrival of child number four, the prospect of breastfeeding while sitting on those things became too much to bear. (Wow, I never realized that nourishing my babies has had such a profound effect on our home decor!) After thinking and waiting and looking, we finally did it. We got a great deal and are really happy. Never before has our house smelled this leathery. What do you think?

By the way, the jury is still out on whether or not they clash with our beloved "Mochachino" paint color. Do you think they do? You can tell us the truth, really.

Hmmm...

...Let me see. I'd love to be able to tell you a great story or two about what we have all been up to these past several weeks. I know you're all thinking to yourselves, please tell us something fascinating, Deb (or, as Vanessa said recently, "Tell me a story that makes me laugh historically."). Perhaps you'll just have to settle for little thoughts sprinkled between pics, like this one:

Here are the kids during a spontaneous photo session by Yours Truly. To see some REAL photography of some REALLY gorgeous kids (yes, I'm bragging...who cares?!) visit this site: www.tiltphotography.com/blog and scroll down to the January 20th entry. My dear friend, Amy The Artiste, took some great images during an impromptu session with some of our fellow, former, fabulous roommates at her new, beautiful studio. It was so much fun.

The photo above was after one of the first snowfalls of the season. Dave and the kids built a snowman in the backyard. Unfortunately, it was cruelly beheaded by the warm sun a couple of days later. Cameron still talks about it.

Have any of you moms out there joined the sacred ranks of Mother of a Wrestler? Sam, as shown above in his cool singlet (Yes, that tight thing that wrestlers wear is called a singlet. Who knew?), had his second season in wrestling and he was awesome. It's traumatic for mothers, though. I honestly don't breathe for the 1 1/2 minutes he's out there on that mat. My favorite moment was when he received an award for being the "Hardest Worker" on his team. What could be better than that?

Vanessa had her Christmas dance production, where she danced a tap performance to "All I Want for Christmas is my Two Front Teeth." It brought back lots of memories of my dancing days, and, of course, I got a little emotional watching my sweet girl onstage. She's a good dancer and really puts a lot of expression into her performances. Although getting to wear make-up was oh, so fabulous, Dahling, she was most excited about the bouquet of flowers that her Daddy gave to her that night.

Here is our tough guy, Cameron, sporting a sword (his accessory of choice) and some funky hair. Even though he had R.S.V. and pneumonia earlier this month, he's feeling great now. I'M feeling great after our appointment with the cardiologist this morning, who told us that the E.K.G. and chest x-ray show that, although his valve is leaking and his pulmonary arteries are pretty narrow, nothing has changed since the last appointment. He's tolerating everything really well. Yeah! He's such a fun boy and loves to quote "The Backyardigans." He also tells lies to try to impress Sam and 'Nessa's friends, like the time he told a girl in our carpool, "We watched Ironman and it was scary!" Okay, SO not true. We have never--I double-checked with Dave on this--shown our kids Ironman, and most likely won't until they are 13 or so. Nice try, Cameron!

As for me, I'm practicing my brave face as Dave has begun traveling again for work. The past two, travel-free months were HEAVEN, though. My pregnancy is going well and I'm finally, at 27 weeks, really beginning to feel like the nausea is pretty much gone! However, I do need to face reality and send something of a belated Christmas card out to all of our friends and family. Yes, I'm a slacker. It will have to probably have be a "Happy President's Day" card, or maybe, a "Best Wishes on Purim" card. So what if we're not Jewish?

But, perhaps my favorite moment of these past few weeks since my last post was going to the Draper Temple Open House as a family. It was wondeful to be there, and although the kids had previously been WAY more excited for the bus ride to the temple that getting to go into the temple itself (they carpool to school), they loved it. The spirit was strong and it was a greatly-needed reminder of the sacredness, beauty, and power of the house of the Lord. I, like many, count the day I was sealed to my best friend as the most significant moment of my life; being reminded of that day just makes everything seem a little sweeter.