The Orange Wit

To Rolzie

2018-07-21T00:39:00.002+08:00

Dear Roland,

Today, I made a mistake. I looked back on our conversations before, just so I will get a grip of what happened. Wrong move. I shouldnt have done that because it made me realize how happy we were and how I greatly regret losing you.

Please hear me out. Back in 2013, I was confused with my priorities. I live with my family, having problems with work, and a lot of other bad things. I was at that stage where I know it will be hard to fall for somebody because I might not able to break all the walls I created for myself. I know that waz the reason I let you go. I was so wrong for someone as right as you.

I havent moved on since then. And as I checked our messages, I now realize why. Remember I always told you that you have my heart? You always have. For the past years, its always you I think about. And its hard. Specially knowing you are happier now. ☺

It feels stupid doing this but all I really wanted to say is that I am sorry. I was too hard on you then. And thank you, you always lift me up before when I was losing grip on myself. I love how annoying you were. 😆

stay happy. You always deserve it. ☺☺☺

Posit.

2016-11-07T20:47:00.001+08:00

Me: So kailan ka last nagpacheck?

I ask Mother Wendy (MW) after she told me that once of my ex office mate have AIDS. It was a usual Sunday and we are having halo halo for lunch.

MW: Bakit? May ginawa ka ba na dapat mong ipagpacheck?

There was silence. As I reflect on all the things I did, it never occur to me to get myself tested for HIV. Maybe because I am not really that active in terms of sex. I cannot even remember the last time I did it, hahaha.

MW: Beks, kasi kilala ko ang sarli ko, alam ko ang mga ginagawa ko, at mga hindi ko dapat gawin.

I am not sure if the argument was valid.

ME: Ako din naman, to be honest, makulit lang ako, mukhang makati, pero kapag andiyan na, tumitiklop din.

Well, ex office mate is different. He is the type who has Grindr, who gives the look every where, and now, he is using this as an excuse for his bad attendance record.

MW: Shock nga ako kasi bakit parang kinukwento pa niya sa iba. Alam mo yun parang okay lang na malaman ng iba na may ganoon siya.

ME: Baka naman press release lang. Alam mo yun, sympathy card. Para huwag siyang tanggalin.

MW: Pero beks, lagi siyang tulog. Minsan nga, habang nag eemail siya, bigla nalang siya pipikit tapos hirap niyang gisingin.

Then, I realize that I have limited knowledge about the disease. Though, I know how to be careful not to have it, still, there are still things I am not familiar with. I do not know if sleepiness is an indication of it. All I remember is that I am not sure how will I feel. It is hard reading stories about it, but it is harder having someone you know have it. But it made me realize how real it can get, and I need to be extra careful. Well, we all need to be.

LSS: I Am Changing from Dreamgirls

2016-10-31T20:04:00.004+08:00

*LSS are about songs, well they are about the lyrics on the songs that will make you reflect, and relate. LSS are good.*

Look at me
Look at me

I am Changing
Trying every way I can
I am changing
I'll be better than I am
I'm trying
To find a way
To understand
But I need you
I need you
I need a hand

I am changing
Seeing everything so clear
I am changing
I'm gonna start right now right here
I'm hoping
To work it out and I know that I can

But I need you

I need a hand

All of my life
I been a fool
Who said I could do it all alone
How many good friends have I already lost?
How many dark nights have I known?

Walking down that long road
There was nothing I could find
All these years of darkness
Can make a person blind

But now I can see

I am changing

Trying every way I can
I am changing
Ill be better than I Am

But i need a friend
To help me start
All over again

That will be just fine
I know it's gonna work out this time
Cause this time I am

This time I am

I am Changing

Ill get my life together now
I am changing

Yes, I know how

Im gonna start again
Im gonna leave my past behind

Ill change my life
Ill make a vow
And nothings gonna stop
Me

Now

Encounters

2016-10-27T23:39:00.001+08:00

I was on my way to work when I saw him in my peripheral. He wore a white shirt, dark shorts and sports, and a f*ck boy hairstyle. When someone looks at me, I look back, and then I mind my own business. At that moment, I kept walking.

It didn’t take long for the boy to follow.

Encounters like this are funny, to be honest. I guess I am too obvious now that it is easy for boys who need quick cash to make their move. And I am quicker to know when to play along.

So there we were, pacing each other’s steps and waiting for someone to start the approach. Well, I was waiting for him to approach. I learned from my friends who are used to these encounters to make sure that it will be the stranger who will make the first move. Be the prey first.

And when he started mouthing something, I told him that I was on my way to work. Then I took my kabit phone to ask for his number. That is the time he walks towards me, and then confirmed that he was a f*ck boy all along.

My friends also told me to always get contact numbers, information is good. Always make sure you have a kabit phone. We do not want to risk having your primary phone stolen. After the exchange, we went on our separate ways, and then I deleted his contact information.

As a gay, I am aware how mess up society is. There will be boys, and girls, who will sell themselves for money. Money for sex, sex for money. And I am just grateful that I have other things to spend on. For now, I have to pass. :D

Letter To Explain

2016-10-24T20:04:00.000+08:00

I am close to creating another blog. It felt that the best thing to do was to start all over and to just stay anonymous. Since I last write, I've grown a lot. I do not have the same emotions as before. I do not have the same musing and thoughts. I've changed a thousand times over in a span of one year.

Change is good though. And as long as you are changing for the better, keep on changing.

Why does it feel that I am introducing myself again? Lols.

Well, my name is LJ, I am a 30 something who resides in Makati, and believes that every one has something good in them. On my free time, I surf the net a lot, I watch a lot of Youtube videos, and sometimes I read. I work full time on a call center in BGC and I am also a network marketer.

The reason why this blog resurrected from its slumber is the company where I am working now have blogger. Haha. Aside from that, I miss ~~ranting~~ writing. I miss sharing stories. I miss you.

I do not know where this will go. But I thank you for keeping up with me -- specially in my absence. I still have to figure out how blogger works again so just bear with me. I promise next time, I will write something about porn. Hahaha. :D

**Image taken from here

RTWO

2016-10-21T20:58:00.003+08:00

Man, it feels weird opening this page again. Compliments to my new work, I was able to open the site. I do not know where will this lead, but as always, I am hoping for the best.

#15

2015-07-15T04:34:00.001+08:00

You stare at the machine knowing how much you already spend. This amount for your 5 mbps internet, this amount for the electricity that you consume for playing too much online games, this amount for the cake you ordered, this for the sausages, and this to send money to your Mother.

Its amazing how fast you will compute things on your head without even touching anything on the machine. You already planned how you will spend your pay, without seeing it.

And then it happened. Insert, enter PIN, Balance Inquiry, Savings, waiting, praying, and then, reality sink in.

Glad to know that the air is still free. Better luck next payday. XD

Exchange

2015-07-05T07:38:00.000+08:00

After 52 steps, I saw him waiting on the pavement, bag in hand, eyeglasses on his eyes, and the pain he carried when I said hi.

I give his stuff, protected in a blue pouch, which I safe keep for the past month. There were hesitations when he received it. I was sure he knew once he took it from me, he will never see me again.

On our way to the main road, I tried my best to act casually. It felt stupid to ask him how he was, knowing that he was not okay. It felt awkward when I notice him glancing casually as I tried to avoid his stare. Every thing felt wrong - the gloomy weather, the damp street after the stupid rain, the guilt I was trying to neglect and him pretending to be okay. When we reached Kalayaan Ave, he punched me softly one last time on my left arm, then I squeezed this shoulder, and finally, the final goodbyes.

I walked my way home devastated. I still cannot believe that I was able to do it to someone. My past relationships involved hard core fighting, unadulterated lying, and being the party in third parties. It never involved me leaving someone. Fuck, I was so used to being hurt and left behind!

The walk home felt like forever. Thought came running on my crazy head. Did I just left him? Wait, should I chase him? Should I beg forgiveness and ask him back? Should I give this a chance? But, he is not what you want? Well, have you decided what you want? What do you want? Putang ina... bakit ko kinakausap ang sarili ko. It was that crazy.

The moment he said goodbye, it was also the same moment I kissed the seldom chances to be happy goodbye. Well, being happy with someone. So long all those text messages in the morning, evening, lunch times, breaks, and the instances where we were both not busy. Farewell all those dreams going to a movie, beach, museums, restaurants, motels and hotels with someone you are with. Adios having someone who will be there in good and bad times. Sayonarra, monthsaries which will never take place. And hello again, trying to motivate myself that it is okay to be single.

This happened a year and a half ago. Sometimes, it's okay to reminisce. I am now far from okay. Still single, but ultimately happy. Get me a date! Kidding. XD

I, Resurrection

2015-01-30T06:21:00.002+08:00

How many times have you set goals for yourself?

When I was 20, I promised myself that I will be successful by the age of 25. The type of success that you will have the job that you want, the house you want to live in, the kind of life that people will get envious with. I turned 25 without accomplishing any of the three. It was heartbreaking but it was okay.

I promised the same thing, and this time I told myself, once I am thirty, I will become every single freaking thing I want to be.

Hello there! My name is Orange, and I am currently 29. I love to read books, play online games, eat, and sleep. And right now, I still haven't achieve the things I thought I will achieve.

But compared to how I felt when I was 25, it was not as heartbreaking, and of course, it is still okay. I know I still have a year to get things done, but I am already looking forward to the thought that there will be things that I will not achieve yet.

Of course, life is never meant to be easy, and I should not be ranting on my back-to-blogging post, but what can I do?

I already know what to do. In the following days, I must start deciding on the things I really want to do.Stop the delusions of grandeur and just continue to focus on the present and plan correctly to the future. I will stick to my goals, do everything to make sure it will achieve, and most of all, I still need to learn how to have fun.

If I can sum up my life so far, I die each moment I failed something. But in every slips, in every bad decisions made, in all the stupid things that happened to me, I realize I am still here - strong, breathing, fighting my hardest to learn something and to not make the same mistakes again.

In every goals I missed, I resurrect. And for now, that is all that matters. Only for now.

Resurrection, January 2015

Balloons

2014-05-27T14:16:00.002+08:00

To make things official, I will leave this blog for the mean time.

Until I guess I am okay, or I am sort of okay.

For now, thank you, and I'll see you guys soon. :D

Tsinelas

2014-03-25T15:09:00.001+08:00

I caught her cheating on me.

It was an ordinary day at Kalayaan, the vehicles were passing like they always does, the weather was humid and I was trying to cut my pork chop on the black sizzling plate when Officemate 1 dropped the news. I finished my lunch while she told me how she beat the hell out of her girl friend when she caught her and another girl in her apartment. For you not to be that confuse, yes, it was a girl girl another girl story. lols.

Buti hindi mo napatay, I said. As you were aware, my friend has a tendency to always be on the extreme side of things. Extreme meaning I was afraid that I will visit someone at the girl's prison, and just give her comforting words there. Good thing, we were still in Kalayaan.

After she spilled how dramatic/comedic the whole thing was. Like every other friend who has a friend with a love problem, I told her to leave the girl alone. However there is something that she said that stuck me:

Ang nakakabadtrip kasi, kahit sobrang sakit na, hindi ko pa din magawang alisin siya sa puso.

How you will console someone who love like that?

*photo from here

Hovering

2014-03-03T14:30:00.001+08:00

I know I am in no position to hurt someone. However, I feel that if I will not do that, there will be another person who I will hurt. Someone more personal, someone who understands and care for me, someone who loves me more. Myself.

Now I go back to the days where I long for someone. Where I reflect all the stupidity, crazy relationships, and mistakes I ever made and in between all the thoughts that hovers in my head I am starting to ask myself if this is what I want? Is he what I want?

Most of all, how will I get out?

Lesser Evils

2014-02-15T09:37:00.002+08:00

Office mate One (O1) is known to have a strong personality. Being a Call Centre veteran, she is familiar with how the industry works. She knows how to sound confidently in every call, her soft skills are above average, and she has this nature where she can be a bitch to every single person she will meet. She will be mean if she needs to without even thinking of who will cross her. She always strives for the best and anything that crosses her way will definitely feel her wrath.

On the other hand, office mate two (O2) is new to the industry. She came from a good school, can speak superbly, however O2 has this reputation to be careless with the things she do. She can make good excel documentations of everything discussed however her retention is poor. Basically, she is slow. She also has a reputation in our batch that she basically needs attention – she talked about how she was raped before, will rant on the whole Vhong Navarro fiasco, et al.

What will you get if you put the two people together in a team? Of course, nothing but office cat fights. :D

Earlier this evening, as we have our Mentoring (a stage in a call centre where they ready you to take in calls on production), my two officemates clashed. What happened was while their mentor taught them how to navigate the tools (systems), O2 kept on asking questions about topics discussed weeks before. Since O1 really wants to get familiarize with the system, she felt that all questions O2 asked should really be ask before, yesterday was not the time to go back to such topics because we are way too delay on the things we need to learn. And after so many lost patience, office mate one finally makes the face. She rolled her eyes like she never ever rolled them before and her bitchy ways over powered all the understanding left for someone who cannot understand things right away. O2 then made the comment in front of their mentor and her team mates, “you know, O1, my brain cannot catch up with what you’re doing.” O1 then explained her side, she told her that we will take calls on Friday and she must not ask questions that were either stupid or should have asked before. Our trainer always told us to Own Our Own Learning and what O2 was doing is just pulling their team down. They are definitely not moving forward.

Embarrassed, O1 talked to me about the scene. And since O1 has been a friend, I understand where she is coming from. In this industry where you are always on your own in everything and improving on the things that you know, definitely, you will always look after your own ass. Sometimes people will be slow, you will tolerate stuff, but you must know when to stop tolerating them. You work for a reason, and in an industry where skills and knowledge is key to your success, you must also learn to be selfish and to look after yourself first.

However, I also feel bad for O2. Not because she is slow, or the whole class don’t like her, but I also know how harsh my friend can get. Being in her position, I know how painful it can get where all you ever wanted is to just work and then situations like this arise. What happened a while ago was just too much. But as per observations of the people who served as witness to the whole hullabaloo, it seems that O2 was just doing that to pissed O1. If such was true, ah, I don’t know anymore.

All I know is that the world will be better if we will know our limitations. When to maintain our cool, when to lose it, when to be smart, when to play dumb, when to be nice or harsh, when to tolerate stuff and when to avoid tolerance. Most of all, we need to know when to be more humane and lose our morals.

The world is indeed a crazy place. We will face situations where we will be nasty, sometimes way too evil, but in situations like that, I believe we must always be on the lesser side of things.

The Tower

2014-02-02T18:27:00.001+08:00

Approximately, 52 steps. That is what you will face if you will visit my place.

This is also what I face every single day for the past month. If I need to buy yosi, 52 steps; hey, I need to get the keys from my landlady in order to wash my clothes, 52 steps, If I forget anything and I am already in the fourth floor (our floor), another 52 steps going down, then up. I wonder why I haven't lose any weight. Haha!

Do not get me wrong. I love my new place. If you have a bad morning, all you have to do is go out the door and you will see Encong Dee and Dennis Trillo always smiling at you. The environment is also not too quiet nor too noisy. You can watch doves flying in groups, cats playing around at your neighbors' roof. Most of all, you can also watch people without being afraid of being watch back.

My new place, The Tower, gives me a new perspective in seeing things. I guess the most important is simple things will always makes you happy --- no matter how many steps or how steep the stairs you climb. :D

Dos

2014-01-19T20:59:00.002+08:00

I thought I have everything under control last year. However, the problem with control is you cannot control anything - it is either you just became responsible for every stupid decision you made, or you just let go and just enjoy the flow.

Last year, I was close to going berserk. Honestly, things way go too out of hand that I no longer understand what happened. Probably, that is also the reason why I have been absent on this page. Aside from I don't want to rant about things, I also want to forget the moments where I have was in the lowest of lows. Too bad it never work.

If there are any perks on being in a sort of hell state, I became closer with my family. After several years of being independent and suffering the price of it, nothing beats the feeling the love your family give. Its like going back through the core of all the things you are working hard for. Finally, I remembered the goals I am working hard for.

And as the year change, I will admit that things aren't back to how they were supposed to be. But, as always, in every second chance that we have to fix our shits, we just have to rely that this time we will not screw up. And as always, we must never be afraid to try.

"the fears that once controlled me, can't get to me at all

- Elsa"

Mirror

2014-01-06T08:27:00.001+08:00

I always believe that opposites attract. We are magnets where we repel each other if we are on the same side. And honestly, I never see myself falling for someone who is like me – enjoys reading books, plays online games, will watch series on his free time, and love Sherlock Holmes. No. Never. Will. Never. Happen.

Well, until he came.

And right now, all I can say is, “I don’t want to lose you now.”

Lessons from New Favorites

2013-12-26T22:55:00.001+08:00

For the past days, I indulged myself on watching shows that not just interests me, but also made me reflect a lot of thing. And since I am ~~bored~~ determined to make up to my blog. Allow me to share them. :d

ONCE UPON A TIME - Who doesn’t love Regina? If there is one thing about her that fascinates me, I guess aside from the fact that she is too regal, she is also so relatable. I am sure, we all an Evil Queen inside of us – determined to get what she wants no matter what it takes, will love to be truly happy, and sometimes, be selfish enough to think about herself first. Pain caused the Regina to be who she is, and it is amazing how Pain also makes her want to change. The Evil Queen will always be love. :D

SHERLOCK – When I found out that BBC have this, I was apprehensive. Probably, because I idolized Sherlock Holmes so much that I really don’t want to mess with how I knew him. And now, I am glad I gave the show a try.

This show will amaze you in ways hard to describe. Though it can get too scientific and certain things were so difficult to understand, their version of Sherlock Holmes have the one great thing that the Sherlock that I have had – the power of observation.

It always pay to observe. :D

BRAVE – Merida said at the end of the movie, “There are those who say fate is something beyond our command. That destiny is not our own, but I know better. Our fate lives within us, you only have to be brave enough to see it.”

I guess the phrase sums why I love the film. Let’s all be brave, every body.

THE PRINCESS AND THE FROG – Of course, Tiana is not your regular princess. She doesn’t dream to find true love, she believes in hard work, and most of all, she doesn’t like fairy tales. And if we all have an evil queen, for sure, we also have a Tiana inside of us. We just have to realize what we all need. :D

There you go. Happy Holidays everyone!

Changing Gears

2013-12-21T20:42:00.001+08:00

The interviewer ask me, "what was the biggest challenge in your past job?"

In my own Miss Universe moment, I answered, "I think it will be deciding to resign. Because for the past four years, you were able to establish relationships beyond your work environment. Your office mates became your best of friends, you then became a god parent of their kid, you saw them grieve when someone they love past away, and you were more happy when they celebrated something special in their life. And knowing the possibilities are great that you will never see them again is really a challenge. I am just glad they supported my decision, and they are happy for me. Because no matter how heart breaking resignation is, the thought that they are behind me, makes me stronger. It makes me more motivated that I have to make this decision work. Forget about failing myself. The idea of failing them is my Waterloo."

And just like that. Next year, I have a new job, and it involves Avayas. :D

The Silver Lining

2013-11-20T20:46:00.001+08:00

I am contemplating on one thing. How do they do it?

I have a friend who ended his five years relationship for someone new. Another friend who has this habit of replacing her ex in a span of two weeks ended up with someone you will never imagine she will choose. Not only that, she is madly in love. Then, there is another friend, who came from an abusive relationship who ended up being taken by her first boyfriend.

How do they do it? How do they make love seems so easy?

This has been my battle for years. I will try not to blame my past but I notice that every time that love has been a topic, I am becoming apprehensive about it. Though it is embarrassing to admit, I am scared. Sometimes, love can get so tricky to the point that I become too lazy getting into it. I know my concerns -- the reasons why I am scared and why I feel I am not worth it of the whole relationship thing.

So the past week, I tried to overcome all the things I am scared of. First, approaching and being flirty with people. I started chatting all my friends in Facebook I eyed on for the longest time. They are not much. But with a little courage and a great anticipation of rejection, I still proceed. Certain things turned out well. We became chat mates, then eventually, text mates. Some never responded, which was expected. To my surprise, I started becoming confident of how the whole thing work. I understand that though some may bore you to death, since they are what you eye for, you have to adjust. Sometimes, relationships needs effort and patience and whole lot of sweetness. Though you cannot woo somebody with your looks, do it with words and listening skills! It makes a difference. I now knew that I can get someone I wanted, you just have to learn the tricks. :D

There comes my silver lining.

I started having a new perspective about love. It has been a cliche that you have to risk some things in order to gain some. And I guess though the thought terrifies me now, I really have to face it. It has been a wall that became a hindrance to all the things that I wanted.

So get me my wrecking ball. :D

My Stupidity Starts with J

2013-11-14T22:47:00.001+08:00

It feels stupid reading all of your tweets. There are 8106 of them. More than half contains re-tweeted messages asking for people to follow you. Less than half contains messages about the shows you watch. And the other was messages who can’t stop me from smiling.

It feels stupid saving your photos on my phone. I just saved the shots that I considered awesome. They are much. And they can’t stop me from smiling.

It fees stupid doing this. But J, it’s okay being stupid as long as it’s with you. :)

Sleuthing Orange

2013-11-08T17:46:00.000+08:00

My fascination with detective stories started with Nancy Drew. It was in high school when my cousin started buying her books and after she finished it, I read them. I cannot remember the books that I’ve read. Lols. But definitely, it started an addiction to everything mysterious, deadly, and altogether mind blowing.

Then, there was Detective Conan on GMA. Though the anime is so out of this world and obviously far from everything that can happen in real life (e.g a teen drinking a potion to make him younger), its story fascinates me. How he thinks and links everything with something leaves me at awe. I even catch myself sometimes trying to guess the killer in every story. Detective Conan brings so much good memories.

Sherlock Holmes – I finished reading all of his stories in the office. In boring mornings when I have nothing to do, I just go to Wikisource and bam! Everything is there. After finishing Conan Doyle’s entire masterpiece, I finally came to understand why Sherlock Holmes is so timeless. He is so courageous, strong, and definitely though the setting happened a hundred years ago, it still amazes you.

Then there were the Millennium Series. Who will never forget Lizbeth Salander?

Now, I am so addicted with Agatha Christie. I already finished 10 of her books and will definitely write about her in the near future. She is really the most brilliant mystery writer I’ve encountered. I cannot wait to write about her. :D

Well, they always say that tomorrow is a mystery. And I really cannot stop the hype that I am getting every time I read something that make my head hurts guessing what really happened. Lols.

Hopefully, I can write my own detective story someday. That is something. :D

Finding Bravery (A Random Post)

2013-07-29T07:51:00.000+08:00

My hands shakes as I start typing these words. I know. Its been a month since my absence without leave and I am really ashamed of myself.

Forgive me. I will try not to make excuses but allow me to explain myself. :)

First, I got promoted. Who would have thought? I know I have been blabbing about leaving my current post, and I seriously cannot wait to render my resignation, but because of a selfish being who lives in Bacolod, I cannot do that anytime soon. What happened? Since our job deals with money matters, we really try our best to be extra cautious every time you do something. And there was one incident last April that lead me to being stuck in the company, we credited 60K to someone in mistake. We tried talking to the person who received the money but she started making excuses, then she started hiding, then though we tried our best to cooperate with her. Cooperation is like love, it works both ways. So here I am trying my best to find my cheerful self in spite of all the things that are happening, paying for something that I never earned, and hoping that we will still find a way to get the money back. Hey, maybe you know someone from Bacolod who can threat this person. A police, barangay tanod, a man with a big dog, a judge, or someone who has mastery with the dark arts? Hahaha! That will help us tremendously. Leave a comment, please.

What else? Hmm... I read a lot of books in my absence. I finished Dan Brown's Inferno, most of John Greene's books, and now I am still trying to finish the Pretty Little Liars series. I will try talking about it next time if courage never left me. :P

My world change ever since Google shut down Reader. Seriously, you don't understand. Though I never comment on anything recently, I read most of your posts. And now that Google shut down Reader (paulit-ulit? hehe), I really cannot view your posts in the office. I am still working on moving my station near the window so I can steal some of our building's WIFI and use Feedly, and since that is not happening yet, please bear with me. :D I am really doing my best. Haha.

I still live in Cavite, however it is not as grueling as my previous posts. I'm starting to love living with my family again. Though the long travel time still keeps me exhausted, I am starting to appreciate the perks of being dependent again.

For the mean time, we will just stick with this information. Till next time. I miss everyone! :D

On Cheating

2013-06-12T21:58:00.004+08:00

I always wonder why people cheat... when they can do the right thing.

Several of my friends are in relationships for eons. One is with his partner for five years now. Two is in a relationship with the same person for six years, and Three has been dating the same guy for the past three years. You know when you are in PLU's world, having a relationship that goes beyond a year is already an achievement!

Recently, One confessed that he have an office relationship BF. It amazed me when he admitted it. My world shattered when he told me that he told his partner for five years. And after their conversation with his partner, they started discussing all the things that were off in their relationship.

Two and Three have, how will I call this, flings (?) outside their serious relationships. Well, they don't know that I knew. Maybe it’s the Sherlock Holmes complex that I knew I have. I notice actions more than words, I think way ahead compared to anyone and I understand the meaning hidden in every word said. I caught Three dating another friend (who is also in a relationship) and though Three never admitted anything, it shows in their actions when I talk to them at Megamall that they are hiding something.

Do not get me wrong, I know that this is really none of my business and I shouldn't even be writing about this but ever since One told me, the thought never left my head. Why do people cheat when they can always do the right thing? Seriously.

Now, I know that I am really in no place to comment on all the activities my friends are doing. Even though I know it is at some point wrong, but when you are friends with someone, you will learn to accept everything about them. I believe that is what friends do. Regardless of all the craziness, at the end of the day, you will still support each other. Part of me is mortified with the idea, another part is happy for them, and the bigger part of me is always asking myself if I have the right parts. :D

Anyways, I am sure that when you fall for someone, you never consider the wrong and right stuff. You just rely on what you feel. Love happens when you least expect it, worst, it sometimes happen when you are taken. I am not saying that it is okay to cheat. Love is a tricky thing. And when Cupid hit you with that stupid arrow, make sure that you are ready for the things that you put yourself into.

Let’s all love responsibly.

I'm With Stupid

2013-05-20T03:17:00.002+08:00

Can you remember the day when you are nothing but stupid? My version of stupidity is plastered in my head like beer cans glued together to create a sword.

Rizal Day. I arrived at Talipayong at two o clock in the afternoon carrying a bag of clothes good for two days. It was a barangay forty minutes via tricycle from Baliguag, Bulacan’s town proper. The place was pretty rural. Lots of rice fields, plenty of fresh air from the luscious trees, and all the farm animals you can think of. I went there because my ex invited me to celebrate New Year’s Eve with his family, and when I arrived there, I found out that that I wasn’t the only one he invited, he also invited his current. I started feeling that it will be a long 24 hours.

There was a nipa house outside their house. It stands beside the outside kitchen where my ex’s mom and I chatted about all the nonsensical things that can possibly talk out. I avoided my ex too much because (1) I am still bitter (2) I haven’t moved on and (3) I’m starting to feel stupid. Night came. After dinner I sat at the porch in front of the hut, smoking my lungs out to stop the awkward feeling. His current doesn’t know that I was the ex. My ex just told me that I was a friend from the boarding house.

When I started preparing myself to sleep, I went to the bedroom at the main house to find that my ex’s brother and his family are sleeping at the room. I looked at the sofa and another brother was sleeping there. I don’t need my ex to tell me that three of us will sleep together in one place – unfortunately, it was the nipa house outside. I loathed myself more when I went inside the hut and saw only one bed. Oh yeah, it will be messy.

We never slept early. First we chatted about random things. I acted my way so I will just get use to the three of us being together. We will sleep in the same place, anyways. But after they freshen up, I lie down at the bed side nearest the door and pretended to be busy with my phone. My ex then lies down beside me followed by his current. I force myself to sleep, forcing my head to stop thinking how impossible the three of us can get. However, they kept on talking. You will hear them kissing. And all their hugging makes sleeping with a couple on the same bed nothing but ultimately stupid. Hey, he is my ex by the way! Then the plan started running on my head. Definitely, this will not continue.

I checked my phone when the farm started to become quiet. It was two in the morning. I stood up as quietly as possible and when my ex saw me, I just told him that I need to pee. I quietly descended the hut, enter the back door near the kitchen, proceeded as quietly as possible to the room where my bag was placed, passed the sofa afraid that his brother will woke up, tried to open the door house, succeeded, then without turning back, I left.

What have I gotten myself into? I ask myself this question as I transverse the rough road on my way to town. Hugging my bag in my chest while my left hand carries my phone to light my path, I noticed that there was nothing safe in what I am doing. I am some 22 year old stranger from Manila, in my house clothes walking past dark rice fields praying that no snake will suddenly cross the street, no dogs will bark and chase the hell out of me, no supernatural being will block my path and most especially no bad guys with deadly weapon will try to rob or rape me. I was gratuitous enough to realize that I didn’t wear any sneakers because that will be another problem. Haha. I never walked that fast in my entire life. Adrenaline took over my body because basically I don’t want anything either my ex or anything else catching me. He will find out eventually that I left.

And I was correct. I was walking for thirty minutes when I received his text asking me where I am. “I’m on my way home,” I replied. He started texting that it was not safe leaving at this hour (which I know), that I could have stayed until morning (which is not an option), and if there is anything wrong. Some people can really get more stupid compared to other people. I never replied his messages because I can. Then I was sure he started getting pissed because the tone of his text was starting to get nasty. I never replied until he told me to stay where I was and he will go there to get his clothes. Then there was flashback. When I left for manila he kept on texting me to bring him clothes because he was so excited to go home that he didn’t bring anything. Smiling wickedly, I replied, “ay sorry, wala kang damit dito. Don’t get me wrong, I have clothes for both of us pero they are all my clothes. Im sure you’ll figure something out.”

Another 20 minutes of walking and my savior came. Seeing a tricycle was the happiest thing that happened to me that morning. I was so happy that I paid the driver a hundred bucks when he dropped me off the bus terminal. Leaving for Manila never felt that well.

Though these happened eons ago, this stupidity still makes me smile. I always believe that it is okay to be stupid sometimes. When you became stupid, you learn. When you took the wrong curves, it will make you reflect on the things that you mistakenly commit and then you’ll start hoping that you can still make things right. Without stupidity, life will be dull and boring. I’m not saying that we all become stupid. Let’s just try not making the same mistakes again. And in case you did, don’t fret; I am still rooting for you.

Thank you for reading this super duper long post. Haha!

A Boy Named Leech

2013-05-13T01:42:00.002+08:00

Leech is only a code name.

I met Leech years ago. The first time I saw him was when I first live in Pateros. Since we were clan mates, he sent a group message telling everyone that he was on his way to Taguig. During that time, I was walking Pasig Park on my way to the jeepney stop where all the vehicles bound to Pateros and Taguig pass.

We were at the same place, at the same time, so it became inevitable that we should meet up.

That was the start. Since our areas were near each other, we started drinking together, and every moment was fun. He sang well, while I sang okay, so our favorite bonding moment was singing in a cheap videoke place in Rotonda.

Leech is awesome. You will really want him as your friend. He is your typical alpha gay but he doesn't consider him as such. He knows what he have but you will never feel that he brags about him. Yes, you will hear stories about him, the things he does and all, but you have to transcend through all the stories to fully understand him.

But things always happen. I left the clan that he used to lead then we lost communication.

God knows how I tried my best to find him. It is really my nature that when someone starts to mean something to me, specially if that person became my friend, I will do my best to keep you. But when you start to realize that the only information you have is his first name left my hopes in finding him on FB flush on the drain. I ask our common friends and found out that he was not on our clan before. Leech was really a slimy thing to catch.

But I found him. Just a while ago. And I cannot be more ecstatic about it. Nothing beats looking for something you missed terribly.

And that is why I am writing again. Because I am not just happy, I feel splendid. :D

So, how you've been? Let's catch up. :)