Sunday 5/16/10 - "THE WELL"

SUNDAY 160

"THE WELL"

She searched for a hiding place, but fell into a bottomless well.

In the darkest depths she reached total surrender
and found God's saving, powerful love.

Prayer Girl

(Photo credits:
The Well by DoidaPorTi@deviantart.com
Heavenly by KaizokuBG@deviantart.com)

Sunday 160 is brought to you by Monkey Man.

Saturday 8/1/09 - "NOW I LAY ME"

"NOW I LAY ME DOWN TO SLEEP"

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep;
Bless and watch me through the night,
And wake me with the morning light.

(18th century children's prayer. Version printed in "The New England Primer".)

_____________________
_____________________

"NOW I LAY MY SELF-WILL DOWN"

Now I lay my self-will down
And ask dear God, please keep me sound
In body and soul, in spirit and mind
May all these parts become aligned.

(July 31, 2009 prayer. Taken from "Prayer Girl's Mind.)

_____________________

"NOW I LAY MY OWN LIFE DOWN"

Now I lay my own life down
To help the lost who now may drown
In that sadness sea that drink creates
My heart your outstretched hand awaits

(July 31, 2009 prayer. Taken from "Prayer Girl's Mind.)

_____________________

"NOW I PICK THE TWELVE STEPS UP"

Now I pick the twelve steps up
To get a look inside - closeup
To lead and guide to God above
And find that place inside of love

(July 31, 2009 prayer. Taken from "Prayer Girl's Mind.)

Prayer Girl

Sunday 7/5/09 - "I'M ANSWERING - DAY 5"

"I'M ANSWERING - DAY 5"

"REMEMBERING
JULY 4TH, 5TH, AND 6TH -
24 YEARS AGO "

My last story of this series describes the miracle of a second chance at life I was given when God intervened in the tortured life of an alcoholic and presented me the possibility of a positive and productive one.

I drank alcoholically for about three years and in that time I descended the escalator down into the depths of hell only a real alcoholic can understand. I was unable to halt the descent in any way. My life was totally unmanageable. I was unable to be the mother I needed to be, unable to hold a job, and lost interest in most of the things people enjoy in life. My life was a constant merry-go-round of drinking, recovering from drinking, thinking about never doing it again, thinking about doing it again, drinking again, recovering from.....over and over and over.

I did not really know what was wrong with me, but I sought help for my undefined misery through counseling, church, prayer groups at church, altar calls, doctors - all to no avail. I continued to drink and life got worse.

Finally, I found Alcoholics Anonymous and a sponsor, but the first six months were characterized by being able to put a few days together then I would drink. Then a few weeks here, a few there, maybe a month, but I always ended up taking a drink. I was trying the best I could, but some ingredient was missing. It turned out what was missing was total surrender. This slipping in and out of AA was total hell.

4th of July, 1985

This brings me to the 4th of July 24 years ago. I had put together just short of three months, but I still had the "yeah, buts" - yeah, but my husband this, and yeah, but my children that, and yeah, but the other thing.

That was why I was unable to say "no" to being in a slippery place with slippery people on the 4th of July. I had no business boating out to an island with my husband, kids, and another family. the adults were drinking, the children weren't, and me so proud that I didn't drink all day. But the fireworks came and went, the boat wouldn't start, the men were on the boat trying to get it started, the kids fell asleep on the beach, and I was sitting in the dark on a cooler of beer.

What happened next remains indelibly etched forever in my mind thank God. With no thought whatsoever, I stood up in the dark, opened the cooler lid, took out a beer, and began to drink it. I was totally defenseless against that first drink. I remember exactly what happened in my mind as I drank it. My mind said, "this is O.K. No problem. Go ahead." I did go ahead and I had set in motion that terrible obsession and compulsion to drink over which I am totally powerless. I drank till I fell into bed that night.

July 5th, 1985

I woke up hungover and knowing I had two choices - go to an AA meeting or go to the liquor store for what I really liked to drink - Vodka. The vicious allergy was in full bloom so liquor won. I drank all day, became totally drunk, and took my last drink of alcohol that day just before passing out.

July 6th, 1985

This day marks the moment of my miracle when I awoke as sick as I have ever been, but I woke up a completely different person than the one who passed out the night before. Despite the hopelessness of my situation, for some reason unknown to me, I had a tiny spark of hope. I don't know why. I don't know how other than God being the answer. I totally surrendered at that moment and looking back I know that I gave up and handed the mess of my life to God. I also realized in that moment of awaking that I was totally powerless over alcohol, alcohol was going to kill me if I drank again, knew I had no idea on my own how to stay sober, understood that it was the first drink that got me drunk, finally got what one-day-at-a-time meant, and I knew where to go for help. I dragged myself to a meeting. I made a vow to myself that I would not leave that meeting till I knew what to do that day. And that is exactly what I did. I have been living my life this same way - seeking God's guidance - everyday since then.

Thank you for sticking with me through this long story. What happened was a miracle and a blessing and I know you all have your own miracle stories. I pray my story will remind you of yours.

Prayer Girl

Wednesday, 4/1/09 - "DISCOVERED TRUTHS"

"DISCOVERED TRUTHS"

"All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them." - Galileo Galilei

Thank God I found Alcoholics Anonymous and Al-Anon. They have led me to the discovery of truths that had eluded me all my life despite searching everywhere I could think to look. They are quite simple.

These are some of the truths I have discovered. With these discoveries have come a life that makes sense, is easier to live, and is so much sweeter.

It is true that alcoholism is a disease.

It is true that (like it or not) I am an alcoholic. (Today, I like it!)

It is true that I am powerless over alcohol and my life is unmanageable.

It is true that I (yes, I) have many character defects such as perfectionism, people-pleasing, worry, and fear.

It is true that, on my own, I can do nothing about these character defects.

It is true that I need a power greater than myself, God, to be able to surrender.

It is true that I need God to guide my life.

It is true that I need God to remove my shortcomings.

It is true that the depths of my relationship with God are limitless.

It is true that prayer and meditation allow me to connect with God.

It is true that God wants what is best for me.

It is true that I often do not know what is best for me.

It is true that prayer is very powerful.

It is true that prayers are always answered - sometimes yes, sometimes no, sometimes not yet!

It is true that life is a gift.

It is true that life is beautiful.

It is true that many of these things are true as long as I am looking through the eyes of a positive attitude.

It is true that attitude is everything.

It is true that we have choices and our choices always have consequences.

It is true that we can learn from poor choices as well as good choices.

It is true that we are not alone.

It is true that I have loving family, friends, sponsees, sponsor, and blogging friends.

It is true that miracles of healing happen.

It is true that working and living the twelve steps changes lives.

It is true that the twelve steps have changed my life.

It is true that an attitude of gratitude is a perfect prescription to eliminate negativity.

It is true that peace of mind and serenity are priceless.

It is true that this list could go on into eternity and needs to end for now.

It is true that I sign myself - Prayer Girl

Wednesday, 3/18/09 - "SEEING PAIN"

"SEEING PAIN"

Yesterday was a day unlike any I have experienced in a while. I witnessed so many people in soul-deep pain and confusion. On my own, I felt totally inadequate to help. Thank God, I don't carry the message alone. God is always with me.

One girl lost a son to addiction within the year and is experiencing pain that a mother who has not lost a child can only guess at how it feels. It's painful just thinking about that happening and I can only imagine the horror of living with the reality. This child of God finally surrendered the secret that she was drinking again and doesn't want to live that way anymore. Thank God. This is a beginning.

Another woman has just started attending Al-Anon and is in that place of utter torment and no understanding of what is wrong or how to lessen it. She is desperate for a shred of hope that something can help her. Like many of us before finding recovery, she has been trying to understand and fix herself for 30 years - with no success.

My phone rang all day. Recovering people I work with regularly were calling as well as those who call infrequently. They were all having some sort of crisis. Wow! The planets must be aligned in some weird way.

I had to remember to take care of myself and laid down for a while shutting 'everything' out. I needed to regroup. I called on my God to refresh my mind and spirit.

Here is what I hope for all those in deep conflict, doubt, fear, and hopelessness:

THE SPARK
Once more my Higher Power hear
Once more I call on you dear God
Place deep inside the spark of hope
That one day makes us fully whole

In one who's lost a cherished child
Another taken back the drink
This one lost in her own pain
That one struggling alone again

Breathe your breath oh God
Upon that tiny hopeful spark
Transform into a roaring flame
That victory may be won - be claimed

Prayer Girl

(Photo credit: You Reign...by chelina)