Truly Awesome: Bacon

Bacon, is there anything it can't do?

Yesterday Robyn was getting ready to go shopping.  She asked if there was anything she needed to buy that wasn't on her list.

Me: "Bacon"

Robyn: "We have bacon in the fridge."

Me: "We probably need more bacon."

Robyn: "We have more bacon in the freezer."

Me: "We probably need even more bacon."

Robyn: "We can't just spend all our money on bacon."

Me: "There are things in this world more important than money. Bacon is one of those things."

Naturally, Robyn just rolled her eyes.  But I was overwhelmed by my own wisdom and naturally went straight to twitter and facebook to share what I had just said.

In light of this new found wisdom, I have decided to write my second poem ever.  This time I wrote about bacon.

Ode To Bacon

Bacon, Dear Bacon
On a BLT I've found you are fun
Whether it be on a slice of bread or a bun.
I put bits of you in salad to make it great
Or I put you next to the eggs on my plate

Bacon, Dear Bacon
When you wrap around beef, it brings me joy.
Your salty taste makes me a happy boy.
You are delicious with any meal it is true.
If I had to live without you I'd be blue.

Dear, Dear Bacon.
---------------------------------------
 
How do you feel about bacon?  I feel it's so amazing I might even try Coke that was flavored like bacon.  (And I don't like Coke)

Okay, I might be willing to admit that that sounds disgusting.  But don't hold that against bacon.

Chocolate Emergency

"Our world faces a true planetary emergency."
-Al Gore

For once in his life, Al Gore was correct.  He may not have known the nature of the emergency, but Robyn and I experienced it last night.

You see, in the nearly two years that I have been married I have learned something about the chemical makeup of females.  There is something in them that causes dire circumstances when they do not have chocolate.  It can come without warning.  One moment, they are fine, and the next they are approaching death.  Of course, I follow the boy scout motto which is "Be Prepared" so I always have an emergency stash in the house.  But what if the emergency comes when we are away from the house?

Well, Robert Baden-Powell, the founder of scouting, had this to say about preparation:
"Be Prepared... the meaning of the motto is that a scout must prepare himself by previous thinking out and practicing how to act on any accident or emergency so that he is never taken by surprise." 

I'll have you know, I was not taken by surprise.  I knew we didn't have time to go all the way home.  I took her to the grocery store on the way home.  We needed two kinds of chocolate.

A)We needed something to eat in the car on the way home to sustain her life.

This can be a very tricky thing to decide.

B)We also needed something more amazing to eat when we get home.

Robyn made an excellent choice.  This is why I don't mind chocolate emergencies.

Ahh.. Crisis averted.

My First Love

Robyn is my eternal love, my greatest love, my partner.  But before her I did have another love.  Years before I even knew that Robyn existed there was another.  My first love was a different kind of love.   It wasn't a romantic love, but my first love was a good friend, a confidante.  My first love was able to make a bad day good and a good day better.

We had known each other for many years, but it wasn't until my mission that I really developed strong feelings for my first love.

Here we are together.  You see, my first love was chocolate milk.  As a missionary I discovered that if you had a hard day facing rejection, you could come home to a cold glass of chocolate milk and everything felt better.  I also discovered that if you had a good day of teaching, you could come home to a cold glass of chocolate milk and you're good day became great.

Robyn has always been tolerant of my first love.  She knows that I have enough room in my heart to give all my love to her and still be able to love chocolate milk.  In fact, once when we were dating we had kind of a fight.  To make things up to me, Robyn made me dinner and bought me chocolate milk.  That's when I knew we were meant to be together.  She even bought me the right kind which is Meadow Gold Vitamin D chocolate milk, the best chocolate milk I have ever tasted. (pictured below)

Why am I sharing all of this with you now?  Well, this past week I had a glorious experience.  I was sitting in my office, like a good kid, when a coworker (Mike) came into my office to talk to me.  He was carrying something mysterious in his hand.  I asked what it was, and it was a jug of chocolate milk.  I asked where he had acquired it and he said it was in the drink fridge.  (Our company has a fridge filled with drinks that are provided by the company.)  My joy was full.  I rushed up the stairs to inspect the fridge myself.  Sure enough, there was a great multitude of chocolate milk jugs.  They weren't the Meadow Gold brand but they were chocolate milk nonetheless. 

My work has some excellent benefits such as 401K matching, insurance and so forth.  But this new benefit was one that brought me much joy.  I can now drink chocolate milk to my heart's content.  (Or to my heart attack, whichever comes first.)  This new benefit also helped me realize what the term "friends with benefits" means.  Clearly, no one has friends that give them health insurance or retirement funds, so a "friend with benefits" must be a friend that frequently brings chocolate milk.  Currently, I'm very happy about my job with benefits.

Truly Awesome: Peanut Butter and Honey Sandwiches

Here I am, on President's Day
Searching the kitchen, I'm filled with dismay
The PB is here, that is quite true
I'll also need bread and that is here too

I have here my knife, for spreading on bread
But with nothing to spread, I'll starve and be dead
You see, there's a problem, a problem right here
I can't find the honey, a tragedy clear

Miracle, miracle, honey did appear
My heart fills with joy, my fears disappear
I begin to construct this wonderful snack
the taste warms my body, my stomach, my back

the stickiness oozes, 'tween slices of bread
joy dances like fairies, all through my head
this coupled with milk, in a large and clear glass
helps me scarf down my sandwich and scarf it down fast

satisfaction flows o'er me, and satiates my tummy
grand was the experience, the taste also yummy
I now can move on to the rest of my life
The joys of my home and my wonderful wife

 

Photo by Robyn Stockett

Okay, so this was my first poem that I ever wrote in... ever. I guess there was the time in high school that I wrote some gibberish that made no sense but it rhymed. My english teacher was really excited. I think he thought it had some deeper meaning. So anyway, to those of you who actually know anything about poetry: I'm sorry if I broke some rule about rhyming or meter or honey. I just wanted to share my love of peanut butter and honey and I hope that my medium of choice was as fun to read as it was to write.

Truly Awesome: Thanksgiving Leftovers

My friend Melissa has a series on her blog that I really enjoy. Every so often she writes about things that keep Melissa alive. Apparently there are exactly 364 things that sustain her life, of which she has (as of the writing of this post) revealed ten.

I thought this was an excellent idea. I have decided to shamelessly steal it. However, to make the plagiarism less blatant I am changing the title. I will be writing about things that are Truly Awesome. You can know in your heart that these things also help sustain my life.

One of the most truly awesome things in the world includes all leftovers from Thanksgiving. This is the first year that I've enjoyed those leftovers in all their glory. We generally go somewhere else for Thanksgiving, and while we always contribute a portion of the dinner (and thus get to keep those leftovers) we have never made all of the dinner within my family.(at least that I can remember) Well, this year my wife in her infinite wisdom decided to change that. We went to my grandparents for Thanksgiving and had a great time. But the next day Robyn cooked a turkey and made stuffing and mashed potatoes and all the other glorious foods that are traditional. We had a few friends over and had a magnificent dinner, but more importantly we had amazing leftovers.

There's just something about the turkey sandwiches and the microwave warmed potatoes that are still swimming in gravy that feels my heart with gladness and takes away all my sadness. It eases my troubles, that's what it does.

I finished up the last of the turkey with lunch today. There's maybe one helping of potatoes left. It's the end of an era. But I'll be spending Christmas with the Wrights this year and the word on the street is that the food there will take me to a whole new level of joy. It sounds truly awesome.

World's Greatest Burger

With In-N-Out coming to town there has been some talk about what the greatest burger might be. Many people have strong feelings about the In-N-Out burger and are very excited that we will soon have access to them here in Utah. Others really love Five Guys. A staple that I have loved for a long time is Fuddruckers. But I'm here to tell you right now that none of those make the best burgers. It has become quite clear to me that the World's Greatest Burger is made on my barbecue using ground beef that my wife mixes with delicious sauces, spices and magic before barbecuing.

The following is an actual picture of the world's greatest burger. I have diagrammed the various parts of it so that you too can know the true joy of the world's greatest burger. (Click to enlarge photo.)

Tenth Moniversary

Well, here it is, the tenth Moniversary. (As always, if you're new to my blog, you can refer to the first Moniversary post to find out what a Moniversary is.) The month hasn't been too adventurous, but we've had a few fun times. Among them were a creature that showed up unexpectedly, Robyn's new look and her new green thumb abilities. Below are a few other experiences of the past month.

A Most Delicious Treat
I had a companion on my mission that loved to put peaches in jello. He would make gallons of peach filled jello and we would just eat it for every meal. It was the greatest thing ever. I had told Robyn about that so she recently made me my favorite treat. She was then surprised at how quickly I consumed the whole thing.

Bear Lake Trip
My good friend Jared William invited Robyn and I to go spend a weekend with his family at their cabin. It was tons of fun, we went swimming in the lake and had some good time to hang out. Of course, my personal favorite from the whole trip was watching him jump on the trampoline with his mom as she giggled with simultaneous terror and delight.

Robyn's Awesome Outfit
There isn't much of a story here. But I just wanted to include this awesome picture. It was a Sunday morning. Robyn had already put her dress on for church but she was cold, so she improved her outfit. I wanted her to wear it to church but she wouldn't.



"What is wrong with you?!?!"
I got up on a Sunday morning and Robyn was brushing her hair in the bathroom. I came up and hugged her from behind. She looked at me in the mirror and exclaimed, "What is wrong with you?!?!?" My reply was, "I'm sorry, I just love you." Of course, she was referring to my mutant eye. I got an infection in the skin around my eye and had to go to the doctor for an antibiotic before it would go away. She affectionately called me mutant for the next few days. The funny thing was that the reason she had freaked out was because it had been getting swollen for several days, but seeing me in the mirror she thought it had switched eyes.

Sixth Moniversary

Tomorrow is an important day in history. It is our Sixth Moniversary. If you are a new reader to my blog and don't know what a moniversary is, it was defined in my First Moniversary post.

The past month has had many important events, such as pi day, some excellent negotiating and Robyn's alter ego making an appearance. Other events are as follows:

Robyn stole my toothbrush
One night I came into the bathroom to brush my teeth. Since we now have the Sonicare toothbrushes, our toothbrushes look exactly the same except that we have labeled them. Well, she was using mine. I picked up hers and said, "If you liked mine better you could have chosen it from the beginning."

See's Candy
So Robyn's parents had given us a certificate for a half pound of See's Chocolates. Robyn went and picked them up. However, when she got them we opened it up and she told me which ones I was allowed to have by saying such things as: "You can have that one, it's not very good." Thanks, I clearly didn't want anything good.

The Exploding Oven
A few months back the broiler element in our oven died. We bought a new one and put it in. This time the bake element died. I unplugged the overn and I pulled it out and examined it so that I could make sure I was buying the right one. After doing that I plugged the oven back in (because the stove still works) and I decided to store the element in the bottom of the oven. The problem with that was that when I closed the oven it pushed the element against the wires that were formerly attached to the aforementioned element. This cause some sort of a short circuit that generated a great flash of light. Unbeknownst to me it caused the rest of the house to lose light for a few seconds. Robyn came running in to the kitchen to see what happened. We discussed it and decided to just get a new oven.

St. Patrick's Day
I thought she had forgotten that it was St. Patricks Day. But she made some delicious green potatoes.



Won Won
We have these friends, Natalie and Ron. I've been friends with Natalie for several years and I've been friends with Ron since he started dating Natalie. (They've been married a little over a year.) We had planned to hang out with Natalie and Ron on a weekend. Robyn and I were talking about something and she said something about Won Won. I told her that we were going to get to see Won Won (that's my nickname for Ron, I got it from Harry Potter) Robyn started getting super excited about that. I was excited to see Ron, but I was a little jealous about how excited Robyn was getting. After discussing it a little more I discovered she thought I was referring to the next Harry Potter movie coming out where we'll get to see Won Won. I felt much better about that.

Nacho Joy, My Joy

As of late Robyn has been doing some magical things with food. She's able to recreate foods from every restaurant imaginable. I'm not sure quite how she does it. For the purpose of seeking truth I will present all of my theories for your judgment.

Theory 1 Blackmail:
It's possible she has some dirt on the higher ups in these different companies. She has blackmailed them and forced them to share their recipes. An offshoot of this theory is that she has dirt on Warren Buffet. Since he owns large portions of virtually every company, he would be the one source that could have trade secrets for every restaurant on earth. Maybe she's blackmailing him.

Theory 2 Reverse Engineering:
Do you remember the movie Paycheck? The main character was a reverse engineer. They would put him in a room with a competitor's technology and he would take it apart, figure out how it worked, build his own version and often even make improvements. Robyn could be a reverse food engineer. Imagine the possibilities, she could recreate every recipe and improve upon it without ever being told the original ingredients.

Theory 3 Genie:
As of yet, she has only emulated 3 different restaurants. It's possible she specifically wished for knowledge of those three recipes. The Genie theory will be disproved as soon as she does a fourth but at least for now it remains viable.

Theory 4 Cookbook:
I know this one just sound ludicrous, but it's possible she recently purchased a cookbook that had all the recipes that she's recently tried out.

Regardless of how she does it, she has done some amazing things. I'm particularly excited about her most recent. She was able to perfectly copy the meat from Taco Bell. I decided that we should have Nachos. She made the meat and I made my homemade guacamole, I chopped tomatoes and avocadoes, and we had sour cream and cheese and gladness. I was so proud of the result that I just had to take a picture.

Doesn't it look delicious and glorious and happy?

Second Moniversary

Today is my second Moniversary. For those who don't know what a moniversary is, the word was coined in my First Moniversary Post. We've had many adventures this month as well, (None so great as becoming Super heroes like last month)so I thought I'd share a few like I did last month. I've already written about some of the bigger events such as Robyn's birthday and Thanksgiving. But I'll give some of the smaller events some treatment here:

1. The hand to the face This may have been Robyn's revenge for tapping her in the face last month. One night I was asleep and was awoken by Robyn placing her hand on my face, ever so gently. For about 2 seconds I was filled with confusion and just trying to decide what was going on. When I realized Robyn was just resting her hand on my face, I asked, "Is there a reason your hand is on my face?" She promptly took it away and rolled over. She has no memory of this event.

2. The hypnotic mumbling I was awakened one night because I thought I heard Robyn saying something to me. I woke up and asked her to repeat what she said. It's possible she was saying words but my hearing isn't the best and she was mumbling very quietly so what I heard was, "muuummmmnnuummhhh." I then asked if she was awake, "nnnuuummmmuuuunnnnhh" was the reply. Finally, I just said, "you should go to sleep." At which point she rolled over so she was no longer facing me. If she had been awake, she promptly went to sleep. I told her the next morning that it was like she was hypnotized. If she ever does it again I'm gonna test the power of suggestion and see if I can get her to do something interesting such as clucking like a chicken.

3. Forgetting how to kiss This one really had me laughing, because it had me so confused. One night we sat down for dinner. We usually give each other a kiss right after the prayer before we begin eating. For those familiar with how to kiss, it usually involves some gentle suction which causes a satisfying smack. This kiss did not have that. In fact, when our lips touched, she blew onto my mouth. I pulled back, and, with utter confusion, asked, "Did you just blow? Did you forget how to kiss?" The look of confusion on her face was priceless. She was more confused than I was. Apparently she had been thinking about how the food was hot and she needed to blow on it, this caused an involuntary reaction of her blowing during the kiss and left her just as confused as I was.

4. Robyn's amazing cooking Robyn was an incredible cook before we even started dating. But her skills have continued to improve and she has gotten quite amazing. She tries all sorts of experiments but they always turn out great. One of my personal favorites was an experiment she did with some pork. I don't know what she put on it but it was so amazing I couldn't even handle it. I have included a picture of it below for your viewing pleasure.