Happy Birthday, Denny!

My baby brother would have been 25 today. It amazes me to see how my mom gets through days like today. She doesn't mention it other than, "I remember" and just seems "ok." I don't know how I would ever get through such an awful thing as losing a child, I don't think anything would ever be "ok" again. On days like today I miss Denny, and miss what he could have become. I am sad to think I'll age and progress and Denny just stays 22 forever.

Eric, Denny, and I are all 13 months apart, Denny being the youngest, I'm the oldest. A lot of pictures from our very young childhood have me holding him...I've always loved babies!



When we were little with our parents. I, personally, can't imagine having three children, three and under!



When I was looking at family photos I found this one and it struck me, my grandmother, grandfather, and Denny have all passed away. My grandparents used to come out to visit us for months every year, it was so much fun! My grandpa used to relentlessly tease us when we asked for something that "that isn't for little boys" (or girls) depending on who asked. Denny LOVED to sit and watch Grandma cook and sew. Denny ended up being the best baker ever! Denny's specialty was banana-nut muffins!



One particularly rough Christmas...my parents had just gotten divorced and my dad was not providing any support for us at all. My mom was working like three jobs and it still just wasn't enough. In October I had come home from school to find that there was no electricity. We did not have electricity this Christmas Day either. Our tree had no lights and all of our gifts were from Goodwill. It didn't matter. That winter we played countless rounds of Monopoly and Clue by the fire at night and we all slept together to keep warm. (When the electricity came back on in April I was THRILLED, although sad to see those bonding moments pass for our little family.)



Our last family picture...our strange, totally dysfunctional family, gathered for Natalle's Christmas pageant at school. Before we went we had dinner together and took this picture.



Denny was such a good kid....until he wasn't. When he was sober he was funny and talented and a great uncle and brother. It makes me so sad and mad to think of what he robbed himself of getting so involved in drugs. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever move past the anger phase of grief. I get so mad at Denny for dying, for not being more responsible, for not saying no to drugs.

But today I just miss him, I wish he were here to call and wish Happy Birthday.

Very Challenging

For invitations for Jacob and Jayden's birthday party we decided to just use a pre-formed invite from Walgreens' website. $10 for 20 cards. I just needed a pic to slap on the front of those babies and we were good to go! So I get Jacob and Jayden out front this afternoon to take the picture for their birthday invites and this is what happened!

The end result:

Quick Update:

1) Twelve hours makes for a really long day on site at the clinic.

2) Elderly patients with dementia and alzheimers, while sad, they are the sweetest, cutest, most awesome people ever! I was dreading Geriatrics, I'm enjoying it now.

3) I caught Jayden's cold.

4) Off to go die on the couch!

Murphy's Law

Last night I ended up taking Jayden to a pediatric urgent care center. Her fever is sky high and won't come down with medicine. They looked her over and declared her ears clear, that she has a cold, and is teething. Then said they think she has a UTI because her fever is just SO high and she shows no other signs of infection so they want to check her urine. Well...they put a bag on her at 7 pm. They closed at 9:30 and she still hadn't peed in the bag so they sent us home with it and a specimen cup to return the sample. At 4 am I finally couldn't take her tossing and turning and being upset about the bag being on her anymore so I gathered supplies to change her diaper and take the dang thing off, NO PEE in it NINE hours have gone by and she hasn't peed a DROP. I laid Jayden down on my side of the bed, took off the diaper and the bag and reached for the new diaper...Jayden flipped over and started to crawl away - thrilled to finally be free of the bag - and PEED ALL OVER MY SIDE OF THE BED AND PILLOW. I wanted to just cry. I've been awake for nearly 24 hours holding this little thing with a 102-104 fever that is CONSTANT while she coughs and struggles to breath through her nose, and she PEES ON MY BED????? Ugh!

I tried to shake Kevin awake to get his help changing the bedding so I could go back to sleep and he wouldn't wake up and got mad when I did, so I gathered up the alternate bedding and headed to the couch with Jayden and LAUGHED HYSTERICALLY when he woke up at 6:00 and exclaimed, "Ewwww! Gross! The bed is wet!!!" Ha! He deserved it!

Anyhow, now Jakey is home from school...and Justin I'm not sure he'll be going...ARGH.

Let The Sickness Begin!

I figured we were in for a rough cold and flu season because this is Justin's first time being away from home in a school setting and he's out there picking up all kinds of germs every day. Plus with me working in a Healthcare facility on Fridays, I thought for sure we would get sick from that. I'm not even on clinic site yet (this Friday is my first on site day) and Justin and Jayden are sick with their first colds.

Jayden had a fever over 104 last night, I was too scared to finish watching it rise so I just took the thermometer out and gave her some Motrin, a cool bath, and sat up holding her while she coughed, poor stuffy baby! She kept having "falling" dreams and would jerk awake from 4-5 am. Finally around 5:30 we fell asleep, just in time to wake up with the other kids at 6:30.

Justin has a junky cough, runny nose, and a fever in the 101 range. He's sick and WHINEY!! He is NOT happy over missing school today!

I'm really grateful we have Kevin's sister babysitting them because it means that I can still go to school and leave them here with her while I go to school today. If we were using a daycare center I wouldn't be able to leave them. I hope they get better fast because Friday could be a really long day for Tabetha if they're all still sick.

Jakey seems to be coming down with it too, just not fully there yet! Ugh! And Kevin and I both feel "drippy" in the back of our throats.

Caught Red Handed!

Today we got Jakey's homework packet from last week back. Apparently we had forgotten to sign in on Thursday night. Well the teacher had circled the spot where we would normally sign and scrawled there is "KP" written somewhat how Kevin would write his initials (a major part of his signature.) Guess who tried to forge Daddy's name????? Yeah. So we asked him about it..."Oops, I accidentally wrote on it." Uh huh. We were born yesterday.

Planning THE double party!

So last year it was cute having my baby on the same day as Jakey's b-day. It was kind of novel and sweet that they would have the same b-day. This year, the actuality of celebrating two birthdays on the same day has set in. The questions of "how do we make sure that Jakey's friends feel welcome and not obligated to celebrate Jayden's birthday" and "How do we make sure Jakey feels like his birthday is special too?" and "Does Jayden even really care?" all are being taken into consideration.

Fortunately for Jakey, Jayden could care less for pretty and pink. She's a fan of Big and Red, specifically BIG, RED Dogs. Jakey is ok with red. He's also ok with dogs. So at least this year there will not be pink or princess at his birthday party.

Then there is the guest list. ALL of our family lives in town. And we have ALOT of very close friends. The guest list is around 80 right now. I just ordered a jumper, tables, and chairs, but only enough chairs for 40 or so. Hopefully it's enough! I'm thinking some won't come or will come at staggering times, or won't sit? I can hope! LOL Now I just need to find a Clifford "Pull" Pinata. Pull pinatas have these streamers that the kids take turn pulling until the candy falls out. Then I need a YuGiOh one for hitting the traditional pinata way. And I need to decide on food. Typically we do ribs, we're leaning towards hamburgers and hot dogs or even pizza this year.

Anyhow, isn't it crazy my babies are turning 9 and 1???!!! I can't believe either of them are getting so big!

Purty Blog!

While playing Literati (and stinking at it!) with my friend, Yaneth, I redid the old blog! Looks spiffy now!

If only I had that kind of motivation to clean my house...

I Can Prove It! LOL!

Kevin recorded Jayden's walking...this is just a snippet, she's actually getting REALLY good at walking since Sunday! She's getting better at it every day!

Rise above the anger? WWJD?

I'm incredibly, insanely upset at a former "friend" and I am struggling very much with the most un-Christian thoughts one can have about this person. My first impulse is to wring her neck, my second is to call and scream at her, and my third is to write her a letter explaining where I think our friendship has gone wrong, what I think she needs to change, and my hopes that one day she won't be a "liar and cheat." But I think it would get tossed. Trust me, there has already been a letter for me just to emotionally "vomit" all this onto paper, that letter I would never send as it is the MOST un-Christ Like thing I've ever written.

Basically this "friend" begged me to intro her and her husband to my parents so he could do a bunch of contracting work for them. They flaked. BIG TIME. My parents are out a LOT of money and are about to have a lien put on their house by a subcontractor this "friend" used and hasn't paid. My parents are a bit upset with me for introducing them and I'm SUPER upset at at these "friends" for being incredible liars and flakes.

So does anyone have any soothing messages to calm my un-Christ Like anger? I just keep chanting "Love one another" because it sounds better than, "let's go wring her scrawny neck!" and I don't want to have to repent of too many bad words. Seriously, what an awful thing to do.

Also, her husband used a fraudulent credit card to pay the subcontractor at one time and this subcontractor is going to send the info to the police so my friend's husband may be arrested, so I really am trying to find it in me to pray for their family because tough times are ahead for them as on top of all that my parents are meeting with an attorney to file a lawsuit rather than going the small claims route.

Shower Supervisor

A new position has been created in our household...that is...SHOWER SUPERVISOR. Jayden is in LOVE with the bathroom. She can be doing anything, in any part of the house, and someone start the shower - Jayden comes running! She doesn't actually want in, although she wouldn't protest if you did take her in every shower, she just likes to stand there and watch. I don't know if she's making sure that we wash correctly or what, but she's OBSESSED. It's a little unnerving to have a captive audience while you shower. LOL!

She Walks?!

This evening after dinner Jayden was playing with Kevin and I in the living room on the floor. Kevin and I started talking when we noticed Jayden was just standing there, not holding onto anything. When we turned to look at her she got excited and took three steps and then plopped down and crawled to us! Since then she's mastered standing up without holding onto anything and taking a few steps before plunging down to her knees and just going at it crawling-style.

My baby is growing up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Where's Jacob?

I am uploading some pics to the computer and realize there aren't any of Jacob in them! I thought about it for a second and realized that he's almost always at school! The poor kid leaves at 7:30 for school and doesn't get home until 5:45 because he's in the afterschool program. He enjoys it, for the most part. He gets to have help with his homework, then the play games and learn hip hop dancing.

Anyhow, I'll have to try to remember to get some pics of my biggest kid this week...for now...Justin and Jayden!

One day after school I found Justin like this during Jayden's nap. Then I was blessed by Jayden sleeping for 3 hours and Justin sleeping for 2...it was HEAVEN.



Justin says, "I wanna hold Jayden!"



"What's he doin' back there?"

Gettin' Ready

When Kevin gets ready for the day he hops out of bed, grabs his clothes, takes a shower, grabs some food, stomps all around the house, and then is out the door without waking any of the children, without any disruptions, and really without being all that quiet.

When I get ready I try to untangle myself from Jayden and silently roll off the bed like I'm escaping the enemy after being captured in war, I set my clothes outside the room the night before, I silently sneak to the bathroom and don't turn on the light, and pray my shower is quiet enough. I don't take food or anything like that because it would make too much noise. And I STILL wake up Jayden as I try to quietly slip on my socks.

Why? Kev totally stomps through the house with steel-toed boots and I tip-toe around in socks....Is there an alarm I'm tripping somewhere?

Well...I'm up and off for my clinic day! Posts you can look forward to seeing from me this weekend are: Preschool is Hard! (a photo of Justin, slumped over his "homework" at the kitchen table totally asleep) and The Black Kneed Baby Adventures (is it time to mop? Jayden's knees are black these days!)

I'm a whiner!

So here are the things that are occuring to me this morning...

* my arm hurts from getting my Hep B vaccination! OUCH!

* I need to write a letter to my insurance...how do you NOT cover an annual physical? Will they only be happy when I have cancer and need major medical treatment? What the heck?!

* My Professor wrote Wed. Sept 9th on our class outline and I put all the homework due on the wednesday spot of my calendar...well then I realized that Sept. 9th was Tuesday....I realized this at 10 PM last night. After I got home from a Basic Life Support class...so I went ahead and did it all anyways. It was due by midnight. I turned in the easy stuff and the 500 word reading response by 11:52.

* 6:30 came too early this morning.

* I have to finish my BLS class tomorrow night and I realized that I'll leave before the kids go to bed on Thursday (around 5 PM) and then leave before they get up Friday morning and not get home until after they're in bed Friday night! I'm not gonna see my kids from Thursday at 5 PM until Saturday morning when they wake up! That makes me a bit sad.

Ok, I'm done whining for now. Lots of good stuff is going on too...

* I passed my $230 physical! Healthy as can be!

* The kids are all healthy and happy and no one seems overly upset by the amount of time I spend at school.

* The house is messy but not condemnable!

* I'm getting good grades in all my classes. I also have rekindled my natural talent to kind of skate by with little studying. I try really hard to study but I remember the information quickly and don't need long periods of study time. I get good grades, and focus on what is hard for me, but in general a lot of it comes easily to me.

Well it's time to make breakfast. I forgot to buy cereal at the store and so for the past few days I've had to cook breakfast...kinda stinks, but I'm not hungry as early either!

Shooting Near The School

Yesterday morning while Jakey was playing on the playground at school a man pulled up to "drop off his daughter" and the man behind him got out of his car and opened fire on him, shooting the car he was driving four times. No one was injured, the principal says the man does not have any children at the school, and the kids were placed on lockdown. Rumors swirled all day on the campus and NONE of us parents were notified. We got a note home saying there had been a lock down but not WHY the school was locked down and my terrified 8 year old had to describe to me hearing gunshots while playing out in the open and feeling terrified. When he asked to use a phone later in the day (he's not allowed to turn his cellphone on at school) he was told "no, because all the other kids will want to also and can't." He wanted to call home and maybe come home from the afterschool program, not skip a day's worth of learning! The news even carried the story, but we weren't notified except a note about the lockdown.

Now, I understand that they can't call every parent and tell them what happened, but SOMETHING should have been done to inform us....AND if my child asks to use the phone, they dang well better let him! I have explained to Jakey that the no cellphone during school hours rule is fine, unless there is an emergency, if he feels sick, scared, or sad he can ask to use the restroom and turn on his cell in there to call home. I mean that was just ridiculous!

So, he was totally torn this morning...he didn't feel safe going to school but he doesn't want to get further behind (he's struggling) or lose perfect attendence so he went, but he was nervous about it.

Tonight is Back To School night, I can't make it (my mommy guilt is like SERIOUS today) because I have a CPR Basic Life Support for Healthcare Providers that I HAVE to take for school tonight, but Kevin is going and is going to address their lockdown policies and their refusal to allow the phone call.

The Hair

When in Doubt....Be Sarcastic!

After my venty blog about my English class I ran off to bed. Then I woke up at 4:30 am, got ready for school, left for school at 6:15 so I could ride the bus there, and arrived home at 9:15 last night after riding the bus home. I was feeling particularly snarky and rude and went ahead and did that quiz for English that I was blog-protesting.

Fortunately my professor reacted VERY well to my snarkiness! I woke up this morning thinking, "oh I shouldn't have sent that email!" It wasn't terrible, but it was obvious that I was annoyed with the assignment. I cringed when I checked my email this morning. Luckily I found this response:

100%

(It might have seemed like an obvious quiz, but you wouldn't believe the number of people who still don't seem to understand these requirements!)

Then, I received a response about the research paper topic proposal I had emailed too....that had equal levels of cynacism and snarkiness about politics imbedded in it. Fortunately I think she appreciates my wit and humor, our email exchanges today have been informative and entertaining. Whew!

Note to self: Step away from the computer after 12 hour clinical shifts that morph into 15+ hour days because of bus riding...I'm not very nice after all of that!

My Intelligence Has Been Insulted

So in English class, which is online, we took a quiz this week that was largely based off of the syllabus. Things like that professor's requirements for how assignments should be turned in, etc. It felt very 3rd grade but whatever. So today she gets back these quizzes from everyone and I'm assuming based on the emails we've received and the updates to the assignments for next week - alot of my classmates are not figuring out how she would like things to be. First of all, there was an email sent out specifying that particular attention be paid to how we spell her name because the adding of a single letter makes a derrogatory term, and apparently a lot of my classmates have done this. Then she added a SECOND quiz that covers, AGAIN, the syllabus information. I'm sorry, but I am having issues with my MLA Works Cited entry homework...I don't have time to reiterate that I am doing what she asked and got a 100% on the first quiz on the subject. I'm torn between writing her an email saying that I'd rather be using the time I would waste on the second quiz about the syllabus trying to figuring out how to write a proper Works Cited entry, but between typing that up and this blog entry it would take less time to do the dang quiz again. I sure hope that she doesn't keep this up...I can understand that some of my classmates are not living up to their side of the online-class-bargain, but I'm busting my hiney and I don't have time for nonsense assignments because these kids can't read.

Ok vent over...back to your regularly scheduled programming.

Pics tomorrow, I promise! I have a 12 hour clinical day...I can fit blog updating in...somewhere....

Buried in Homework

In Health class I have an essay, quiz, and research paper due this week. The research paper is what is stressing me out. I have to research illegal drugs and write a paper on their use and effects. Illegal drugs like the ones that Denny overdosed on. I have ZERO interest in illegal drugs.

In English I'm reading what is actually turning out to be an interesting book about the lies in the news. I have a quiz due tonight and more papers due by the end of the week, but I think I'm keeping my head above water in this class.

Then in my CNA class I have a test on 4 chapters tomorrow and clinical on Friday.

I'm totally swamped!

In fabulous news today while at the dr's office (OBGYN) he had run a titer on me to check for my immunity to rubella and chicken pox last year during a prenatal lab workup and I'm immune! Two less shots I need! Yay!

Ok back to work...Jayden's napping...

Oh, the other big shocker....I chopped 12 inches off my hair yesterday! Pics soon!