Hey Can I Borrow Some Ends?

I am beyond sick of Washington and the great debt ceiling debate that is going on right now.

Neither the Republicans nor the Democrats are behaving. And neither have the desires of the American people at heart. They are both only looking to do what we will get them re-elected in 2012. Well guess what, we are fucked in the process.

The Republicans only want to cut spending, and the Democrats only want to raise taxes.

If you want to stop the bleeding and adding of debt, you have to cut your spending.

If you want to get out of debt, you have to cut spending and also raise revenue. To get out of debt you have to do both in cutting your spending and bring in more money.

It seems simple right? Well apparently the concept that my kids understand is not something that Washington seems to know anything about.

Neither party seems to understand the root cause of how we got into this mess in the first place. And that is by spending too much money.

Now don’t think I am taking sides here (remember I am in independent) because honestly both the Republicans and the Democrats are totally guilty when it comes to spending. For decades now both parties (with both holding the White House and congress at alternating times throughout the last 30 years) have spent us blindly into oblivion. It is time to have a serious talk about it.

We need to cut spending. Like when I was born. But since that time has passed we need to cut spending. I know some of you are fans of big government and some are not. Regardless of where your political affiliations may lay, this spending problem is hurting all of us. There are tons of money that are wasted daily by our government and we need to get better returns for our tax dollars. Because honestly right now we are not getting our money’s worth.

At the same time, we need to increase revenue by closing out some tax loopholes and get everyone paying their fair share in taxes (I am looking at you GE who paid ZERO in taxes in 2010).

Seems like an easy solution right?

Well it is too complicated for Washington because frankly the President’s only solution is to raise taxes and not stop the spending. I mean that is like you having a brother who is a meth addict and instead of putting his ass in rehab to help him (ie fix the cause of the problem); you just go out and buy him more meth. Yes it is that insane.

Needless to say we are screwed and it is not looking good right now for our future.To quote a great movie in Gremlins 2, "I am advising all of my clients to invest in canned goods and shotgun shells."

This Is True Tragedy

If you think about it there have been a lot of tragedies in recent times. The earthquake and resulting tsunamis in Japan, the earthquake in Haiti, Justin Beiber, flooding in Pakistan, George Bush getting elected not one but two times, all of these recent tornados, the Sopranos ending, Hurricane Katrina, and the events of 9/11 are all good examples of recent tragedies.

And if you look back over recorded history, there have been tons of tragedies that have taken place long term. The sinking of the Titanic, World War 2, the eruption of Mt Vesuvius, the Cold War, Winter Olympics, Judas selling out Jesus, the Detroit Lions, and the fall of the Roman Empire are all great examples of tragedies throughout recorded history.

But all of those pale in comparison to this tragedy I am going to tell you about.

How in the fucking world is one of my favorite bands Rush not in the Rock N Roll Hall Of Fame?

Seriously.

Yes they are not in the Rock N Roll Hall Of Fame. Nor have they ever been nominated.

This has to be some kind of crime being committed here.

Some kind of conspiracy bigger than the JFK one has to be at work in Cleveland.

Love them or hate them, they are talented.

The singer Geddy Lee is in the top five of bass players in music all time if not number one. He inspired Flea from Red Hot Chili Peppers and the guy in Primus. I have him at number one for bass players all time.

The drummer Neil Peart is in the top five all time of drummers. I personally have him at number two only slightly behind John Bonham from Led Zeppelin.

So here is a little list of bands/singers that are in the Rock N Roll Hall Of Fame that I don’t think should be there before Rush.

U2 (they were still in junior high school when Rush started), Neil Diamond (ok he has been melting panties for a long time but I don’t like his music), Dr John (who? Exactly), Abba (yea I know a lot of people love them but what have they done since the 70’s?), Metallica (they should go but after Rush), Run DMC (they weren’t even smoking weed yet when Rush started), Madonna (she hadn’t lost her virginity or thought about making an album when Rush started), John Melloncamp, REM (Michael Stipe was straight when Rush got together and no I am not gay bashing), Sex Pistols (while they were influential but they were only together for TWO YEARS), Prince (he had a real name when Rush got together), The Clash (had not discovered teen angst when Rush started recording), Bruce Springsteen (no need to say anything), and Ike Turner (all he did was beat Tina). There are many other people I could list but I couldn’t think of something sarcastic to say about the rest of them who don’t deserve to be in the Hall.

Do you see how ridiculous that list of people who have gotten in the Rock N Roll Hall Of Fame is? I think Rush should have gone in there a long time ago. And other people agree with me.

When Metallica was inducted a couple of years ago, their lead singer during his speech said it was disgraceful that Metallica was going in before Rush. Yes he really said it because I watched that on tv.

Rush has put out 19 studio albums, they have put out multiple live albums, they have been together for 37 years, they still sell out every where that they play in concert, and two of them are in the top two all time for their respective instruments. Oh and they are also the best thing to come out of Canada besides hockey, Kokanee beer, and Boston Pizza!

So Rock N Roll Hall Of Fame, please get your fucking heads out of your asses and get them in the Hall. Fix this tragedy now!!!!

Who Is Afraid Of George Washington?

As today is Presidents Day here in America I thought I would ask a very special question. And that question is who is afraid of George Washington?

All through my school age years we were taught that the only people who were ever afraid of George Washington were the British who were trying to get the colonies in line. And maybe latter the Native Americans were a tiny bit afraid of George Washington. And those were the only people who we were taught that were afraid of George Washington.

Well I guess we need to update the history books to reflect a new group of people who are afraid of George Washington some 200 years after his death.

You see on MLK day back in January in Columbia, South Carolina there was a huge MLK day speech and celebration on or near the steps of the State Capital there. The event was put on and hosted by the NAACP.

And where the speaker was speaking there was a bronze statue of George Washington directly behind them. But the statue was covered up on three sides as the picture below shows.

I tried to think of why the statue of one of the most famous Americans in our history as well as our nation’s first elected President would be covered up. The only answer I could come up with was maybe they hung up some sign or banner on the wood surrounding the statue. But that was not the case.

The NAACP came out and flat out said that they statue was covered up so that no one would be offended by it.

Really?

Yes really.

Who would be “offended” by a statue of George Washington? Apparently the NAACP is offended by a dead white man.

Why would the NAACP think George Washington was offensive to people? The only reason I could think of is that because George Washington was known to have had slaves in his employment. Yes I realize that this fact could be offensive to some people, but what about the other stuff that this man did like leading the Colonial Army in defeating the British to help get our freedom from them. What about the signing of his name to the Declaration of Independence which was a death sentence to him (and the others who signed it) had the revolution failed. What about serving two terms as President of the United States and helping form our current government that has stood the test of time for over 230 years. I guess the NAACP can’t see past the fact that he was a slave owner to see the other great stuff that he did as a man and as a leader of our country.

In light of the covering up of George Washington I think we should look at MLK. It has been reported that MLK was a drinker and had also possibly cheated on his wife. Does that take away from his accomplishments that he did throughout his life? Hell no it does not in my opinion. I could care less what he did or didn’t do in his private life as what he accomplished as a man in his public life far exceeds whatever he did away from the public eye.

If the NAACP is going to allow people to be offended because George Washington was a slave owner and bypass all of the other history associated with him, then I think that they should teach people that MLK was a Republican (which it has been widely reported that he was). I think they should also teach and remind people that the KKK was started by Democrats. I think that they should teach people that it was Democrats that did tons of bad stuff to keep black people away from the voting booths in the South. And I also think that they should teach that it was Democrats during the Civil Rights movement that were opposed to any and all Civil Rights legislation that was passed in the 1960’s in the House and Senate. But I doubt that they would do that since the NAACP leans to the Democrat side of the political spectrum.

I wanted some more knowledge on the subject so I called my step dad of 20 years (who happens to be black and the grandson of a slave) to see if he could help explain this to me and give me some insight. I asked if he was offended by George Washington, and he said if someone is offended by George Washington then they are ignorant of history and lack a good education, plain and simple.

I think that the only person on this day who should/would be offended is MLK. I think he would be very pissed off if he were alive to see the statue of George Washington covered up at an event to honor MLK. We have come so far since 1968 in terms of race relations and other advancements for the black community. I mean a black man is President of the United States which is/has been described as the most powerful position in the entire world. Think about that.That is a long way to have come since 1968 don't you think.

I think if MLK were alive and saw this crap that he would tell the crowd and the NAACP that they need to focus on educating people because it appears that people have lost the true meaning of his “I Have A Dream” speech.

Best Superbowl Halftime Shows

Since it is Superbowl week all week long here on my blog, I thought I would give you my list of the top 5 best Superbowl Halftime shows of all time.

Number 5 – I had to include Michael Jackson since this was at the peak of his career before he became an old creepy guy.



Number 4 – The Rolling Stones, enough said.



Number 3 – Now I know that he did the “pre-game” performance, but I love me Santana. And Michelle Branch is just drop dead beautiful so I threw it in here. And I love her voice.



Number 2 – I thought the tribute that U2 did to the events and victims of 9/11 was beyond very classy.



Number 1 – Nothing says “Divine” intervention better than this one. Prince was singing “Purple Rain” while it was raining and there were purple lights on. It was just meant to be.



Well there you have it, my list of the top 5 Superbowl halftime shows. Hope you enjoyed this trip down memory lane.

Happy Groundhog Day

I would like to take a moment to tell you about one of my favorite days of the year, and that is February 2nd, which to us “Yankees” is Groundhog Day.

All the people who live up north in the United States know all about Groundhog day and swear by it, but some of you outside of the Northern part of our country (or outside of the United States even) may not be aware of this days actual vital importance dating back to the 18th century.

As some of you may have heard about, each year on February 2nd in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania the whole world descends on this tiny little town (two hours north of where I grew up) to see the ultimate weatherman. The town’s people drag a little furry guy (ie groundhog) out of a wooden stump. And according to legend if the groundhog (named Punxsutawney Phil) sees his shadow because it is sunny and clear outside, then that means he runs back inside his stump and proclaims there to be six more weeks of winter. However if the ground hog comes out and it is cloudy, then it means an early spring.

Basically in addition to the prediction of the end of winter, the town also has a huge festival to go along with Groundhog Day (think Mardi Gras but with Polka music, and no boobs shown for beads because it is too damn cold). The town parties for a week before and a few days afterwards. It really is a huge event. I want to travel there one day both during the festivities and during the summer when it is actually warm.

I am sure some of you are asking well what the hell does this have to do with the Superbowl since you said that all week you were posting about the Superbowl. Well I will tell you.

You see this morning Punxsutawney Phil came out of his wooden stump and saw a shadow. But it was not his shadow that he saw. Phil saw the shadow of the Lombardi Trophy (the trophy given to the winner of the Superbowl). Sometimes Phil predicts the outcome of the Superbowl in addition to the weather (in years that the Steelers are in the Superbowl). And this year he saw the shadow of the Lombardi Trophy. You see Phil is not just a weatherman, but he is also a Steelers fan since he lives in Pennsylvania.

Sorry my “Yankee” friends but the Steelers are winning the Superbowl and you have 6 more fucking weeks of global warming winter because Punxsutawney Phil saw a shadow.

I would also like to recommend that if you have not seen one of my favorite movies “Groundhog Day” then you need to go and watch it (why the fuck haven’t you seen this movie-it is FUCKING GREAT). It has Bill Murray in it and it is the best movie Bill Murray has ever done, and he has done some great ones. And if you saw the movie and didn’t like it, please remove the stick from your ass and go watch it again because it is fucking hilarious.

Happy Boxing Day

Well today is Boxing Day throughout the world, and I thought I would say Happy Boxing day and give you a little history lesson in the process. No Boxing Day is not the one day a year that you are allowed to punch your spouse, so calm down. But it would be fun if Boxing Day was like that huh? Anyway here is the real history of Boxing Day.

It was a cold and wintery day after Christmas back in the worst winter on record in Canada back in 1983. You see a man was frustrated at the lack of imagination of his wife’s gift giving skills in the gifts she always got her husband for Christmas. He was angry that every year his wife got him a new golf club. Who can play golf in the fucking snow he asked himself. She also got him other useless shit for Christmas such as ties (he worked in a factory), a set of ball warmers (he lost both his balls to cancer years ago), a bunch of chocolate (he was diabetic and couldn’t eat it), a copy of the Mormon Bible (he is Jewish), and other less exciting Christmas gifts that he could never use or want.

He had reached his breaking point of shitty thoughtless gifts. He told his wife that he was going to drive her sorry ass back to the store where she had purchased all of those “thoughtful” gifts and exchange them for something that he could actually use. So they got in the car and ventured to the mall. He then had a bright idea on the way there and thought to himself that he was not the one who caused all of this mess so he dropped her off at the mall and headed to a local pub.

While at the mall, the wife was angry because the crowds were so damn huge inside of every store with other disgruntled women returning stupid shit they had bought their husbands. While inside of one store the wife had also reached her breaking point when an 80 year old woman cut in front of her in the checkout line at Woolworths. She lost it and asked the old woman, “go to the back of the line old bitch.” To which the old woman replied back, “fuck off you young whore”. The angry wife in turn punched the fuck out of the old woman and the fight was on. The old woman punched the wife back and they fought for 12 rounds with both women landing some damaging punches. The old woman lost her dentures in the fight, and the wife lost her decency during the fight as well as her glasses. While the fight was on, another woman picked up the gifts that the wife was about to purchase and added them to her basket. The wife saw this treachery and then punched the gift thief in the mouth. The fight had escalated even further, the cops were called, and it was all caught on tv as there was a local tv station there interviewing the post Christmas day shoppers.

Meanwhile the husband was at the pub across the street drinking beer with other men-folk. All of the men were discussing how thoughtless all of their wives were in getting them shit for Christmas that was neither wanted nor useful. All of a sudden the tv inside the pub broke off coverage of the curling championships and went live to the mall across the street where in Woolworths the riot police were trying to break up a fight which had broke out. The man saw his wife being restraining by the police while she was screaming “fuck you, you old ass cunt.” The husband shouted out, “What the fuck was my wife thinking in fighting someone?” He was now pissed off because not only was he left with no damn gifts, but he also had to bail his wife out of jail. An old man at the end of the bar said, “Look here young man, I have been fighting with that old bitch who your wife just beat up for 60 years now, and I have always wanted to punch her. Let me buy you a drink son.”

You see Boxing Day is all about the women going shopping and the men going to a pub. And there is the real history of how Boxing Day was started.

No I am talking out of my ass, I have no clue how Boxing Day came about and how it was started, but it sure would be funny if it was started like how I just described. But remember that while all of you are out shopping in the cold frigid weather, I am sitting on my couch in my boxers, eating yummy Cajun leftovers, drinking beer, and watching football in front of my warm fireplace.

The History Of Thanksgiving

Since Thanksgiving is here in the United States, I would like to take a minute to tell you about the real reason for Thanksgiving. No not the reasons that the media, history, and popular culture like to tell you about, but the true reason why Thanksgiving was started.

Hundreds of years ago people set out to leave the United Kingdom in search of a new place to live. Now the media and historians will tell you that they left the United Kingdom and came to North America to flee religious persecution. They will also tell you that these people also left to fulfill the human spirit to see the world and to explore. Those two reasons are just a politically correct attempt to not offend our distant British cousins.

The real reason that our forefathers left the United Kingdom was due to culinary persecution. Yes I said it; they left because the food in the United Kingdom sucked. The four main dishes that they had there was bread, fish, mutton, and potatoes. Now I know for a fact that there are only so many meals that you can make with those four things, and something tells me that fish au gratin was not a very tasty meal. Regardless of how many ways Bubba Gump says you can make a shrimp dish, you would get sick of the same thing all the time. And that is exactly what happened here.

A group of Pilgrims (ie smart fucking people) saved up all the money and charted a boat to get the fuck out of the United Kingdom set off in search of some new culinary creations. The traveled across the Atlantic Ocean using a primitive form of TomTom and after many weeks came to what is today known as Plymouth, Massachusetts.

When the Pilgrims first arrived they found a new beautiful land full of promise. The Pilgrims then came across the Native Americans and quickly learned how to communicate with them. The Pilgrims indicated to the Native Americans that they were on a grand quest for a new type of food. As the Native Americans were a nice people, they showed the Pilgrims corn, wheat, broccoli, and other fresh vegetables which the Pilgrims had never seen before. Then the Native Americans showed the Pilgrims their prized source of food, and that was the turkey.

The Pilgrims tried some of the turkey that they had been newly introduced to, and were instantly in love with it. It tasted like nothing that they had ever had in the United Kingdom. The Pilgrims were so happy with the new food that they proposed to the Native Americans that they should collectively have a large dinner celebration to commemorate the land that they had come to with the new source of food. They collectively hunted for the turkeys and gathered the vegetables and had a feast.

The feast consisted of smoked turkey, turkey legs, a crude stuffing, turkey bacon, corn, beer (brought over from the United Kingdom), and turkey jerky. The Native Americans and the Pilgrims ate for hours and hours. Then they all took a long nap. The Pilgrims were so thankful that they had found a new type of food to eat that was not mutton or fish. And to thank the Native Americans, the Pilgrims taught them how to build and operate casinos, and also how to make beer.

So on this Thanksgiving Holiday, I urge each and every one of you to be mindful of the real reason why we celebrate this holiday. And that is the flight from culinary persecution that our fore fathers took almost 400 years ago. So be thankful that we have the turkey and we are not eating fish-n-chips with mashed peas on this day and every other day.

And yes this is sarcasm in case you could not tell.