Kate Interview Age 4 1/2

1) Why did God make mommies?
Because boys had to have some friends.
2) How did God make mommies?
He just kind of made fuzz for hair and made clothes out of sewing them and he kind of made skin maybe out of pigs.
3) What ingredients are mommies made of?
Mommies are made out of maybe tiger bones or something. And they're made out of animal muscles.
4) Why did God give you your mommy instead of someone else's mommy?
He wants us to have our mommy's and doesn't want us to be stealed. He just wants us to have our regular moms (she said while hugging me).
5) What kind of little girl was your mommy?
Kristin. You were like maybe a wedding girl when you were little.
6) What did your mommy need to know about your daddy before they got married?
She just needed to know if he was strong and nice and... that's it.
7) Why did your mommy marry your daddy?
'Cause I have to have a mom and if my daddy doesn't marry somebody I can't have a mom.
8) Who is the boss in your house?
My dad.
9) What is the difference between mommy and daddy?
Seems like my mommy is bigger than my daddy. If you have two moms, what does that mean? One mom has a baby and one mom has a baby?!?
10) What does your mommy do for fun?
Play with her childs. Watch movies with them.
11) What would make your mommy perfect?
If she just went shopping with only her kids. Just if you would be a unicorn.
12) If you could change one thing about your mommy what would it be?
What could it be? What could it be? If I could change you into my sister. Because I'll have a big sister.

I Got Bit in the Arse

Yes folks, you read it. I got bit in the butt by a kindergartener. People keep talking about it so I thought I would write about it.

First of all, he wasn't MY student, he was the student of a fellow teacher. Second of all it was only the 4th day I'd known him. Third of all, he speaks mostly spanish.
It started out as a playful game outside where he was just being silly with me, while he was waiting in line with some other children. I was laughing at him because he said "boo" to me out of the blue to get my attention. Clue 1. Then, when we started to take them inside he kicked me. Clue 2. I thought he was still trying to be playful, but I scolded him a little.

I was doing an art project with this particular group of kids, you know, cutting paper and gluing a
scene down to look like a sweet little ladybug on a yellow flower. Nothing big. Fun cut and paste practice for a fine motorskills workout. All of the sudden I felt these little hands grab the sides of my butt. Next I felt the dull chomp of 5 year old canines in my ass.

Now my knee jerk reaction was to reach back and pull whatever it was off my backside before it happened again. And that's just what I did. I poked his eye, however in the process. His regular teacher happened to be glancing my way at that particular moment (or else my flailing arms caught his attention as they swung back to protect my hiney from a second helping), and I looked at the teacher and mouthed in big crazed words, so as not to let on to the other 40 children in the room, "He just bit my butt!" The teacher looked at me with eyes wide, eyebrows raised and said, "He did that to me this morning, too! I think it's a sign of affection."

For the love of God. Couldn't you have warned me not to turn my back on this flesh eating monster?!?

In the end the kid cried because my reaction scared him to death. Now I'm the scary-white-teacher-that-pokes-kids-in-the-eye. Gotta love that reputation.

Tune: Oh Christmas Tree

Oh, football season, oh football season...
What have you done with my husband.
In summertime he is so near,
In autumntime he is near beer.
Oh football season, oh football season,
What have you done to my husband.
In spriiingtime he does his chores,
In fall time he is a bore.
Oh, football season, oh football season,
How zombie is my husband.

Have you ever...

Have you ever been stopped at a stoplight watching one of those sign twirler guys dance around to the same beat of the music that's playing on your car stereo? I just think that's funny.

Erin says Uh-Oh now. LOVE IT. She's taking steps but not walking. TOO CUTE. I think she is also saying Hi, but it could just be a coinkidink that she mimics the sounds that she hears us say as we greet other people. No, no, I take that back. She is definitely brilliant enough to say Hi right now. In fact I think I'll enroll her in G.A.T.E. classes tomorrow.
Kate on the other hand is just too smart for her britches. I'm so not ready to point out the differences in boys and girls to her. She asked me the other day how we know if a baby in a mommy's tummy is a boy or a girl. Her aunt is having a boy and I reminded her of this. She said, "How do you know?" I asked her if she remembered the ultrasound when we found out Erin was a girl. She said she did. I said the person who put the goo on mommy's belly knew.
"How, Mommy?"
"They just do."
"Oh,. It must be by their voice."
She meant, it must be how boys sound different than girls. This cracked me up. Yes, Baby, boys sound different than girls and that's how they know. Girls are talking about babies and purses in a high voice. Boys are talking about cars and dinosaurs in a low voice.
We'll just pretend that for now. Some day we'll talk about the other stuff. Not yet, for goodness sake. Not yet!

GAG

I was thinking about school and how crazy the year has been and how we only have 60 something days left. When you really think about it - that's NOTHING. So my thing is that for at least this week, I am going to try to be Good Attitude Girl (GAG) and think positive and be loving and happy with the kids and not worry about the outcome of assessments, because they are what they are and keep my chin up and laugh, because five year olds are actually really FUNNY. I will keep my desk half clean - because whole clean is an unattainable goal for me. But having myself organized makes my attitude better and keeps me more prepared for the days ahead. Good Attitude Girl will prevail over Bad Attitude Girl (BAG) this week. It's GAG vs. BAG. Whatever that means. Makes me laugh though.

Husbands

Josh made me mad tonight. I had to take the girls with me to get my hair cut which went semi-ok, except I was late because I had to pick Kate and Erin up, then traffic was bad because nobody freakin' knows how to drive in the rain. My hair guy is not a kid-person AT ALL and then Kate was supposed to give Erin some puff snacks for me, to keep her busy, and spilled them all over the floor, which was slick so they slid EVERYWHERE. Then Kate got down off her chair and all I could hear was the crunch crunch crunch of the puffs. I'm sure Greg, the hair guy, was cringing too. Anyway, Josh couldn't get off early enough to pick them up from daycare, that's why I had to take them. But then he calls me while I'm driving home from the hair cut and he was on his way home which meant that he COULD'VE picked them up and I COULD'VE had some ME time. But oh-no, I got to have stressed out rush rush rush and apologize like a mad woman time. Yay. I'm sure he never thought of that and doesn't understand why I'm mad. Typical miscommunication. Now he's out with the guys. BUT my only consolation is that he has jury duty tomorrow!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHhahahahahahahaha........................

Ok, I'm not mad anymore.

Offspring

I took Kate and Erin with me to Target on Saturday and lo and behold it was another fine "Mommy, I'm going to have a breakdown in the middle of the store" trip. Yippee for me. Kate had the option to walk or ride in the back of the cart. She chose to walk and was PERFECTLY ok with being given a choice. So I thought, "Great, this is going to go very smoothly." Oh, how could I have been so naive?!? We get partially around through the store and start looking in the baby aisles, when Kate decides to walk around the corner out of sight. I give her a warning and ask that she please stay near me. Again, in another aisle, same thing. About 3 more warnings and I've had enough (yes, I know I should've only given ONE warning and been done, but no, I let the incidents continue). So I take the stiff-as-a-board little 43 inch body and try to stuff her into the back of the cart. Now, this isn't exactly easy. She's fighting me tooth and nail, feet not budging, the cart is rolling away and I'm trying to hoist her into it and she will NOT bend. All the while she's screaming, I don't want to sit in the cart." My last resort is to threaten leaving the store right then and there if she does not stop and sits down in the cart. So she sits and scream/cries that she doesn't want to leave the store ("Oh good," I think, because I'm not done shopping). Erin, meanwhile is beginning to cry because she is mad that the cart is all hurkey jerky and that Kate is screaming.

I ditch the idea of trying to "browse" through the store and head straight for the baby food aisle. The only thing that will stop Kate from crying is the promise to pick out snacks for preschool on Tuesday. Of course the baby food is all the way around the other side of the store. Once there, Kate is still really mad and saying in a half growl, half Wicked Witch of the East voice, "I don't like....." and then secretly pointing at me. I ignore it. It's a call for attention, right? I finally get where I need to be and Kate's tone changes but instead of the loving, "I'm sorry, Mommy." that I expected, she procedes to make an announcement that might as well have been played over the loud speaker. "I'm sorry to tell you people that I don't like my mommy. I do not like my mommy. My mommy is mean to me." Inside I'm dying. Ready to laugh, or cry, I'm not sure which, but I continue to ignore her, as well as the glances I'm getting from the little old lady and the other moms in the aisle.

Eventually her attitude changed and I distracted her with helping me pick out Erin's baby food. But please, tell me again when the terrible two's end and the fabulous fours begin!
As we were leaving the store I saw a lady at the check out that was pushing a double stroller with one child in it and holding a baby plus three other kids of various ages gathered around her. I was wondering how she does it (although she looked as though she'd had her fill of ice cream and other stress relieving foods and was in dire need of having her hair washed). If I had just one more child I would probably never go out to do errands. We need groceries? Eat moldy bread. No toilet paper? Here, use Daddy's Sunday paper. No gas in the car? No problem, we're not going anywhere anyway.