I'm meeting myself coming and going. I can barely think straight.
I promised Mac he and I would have mom and Mac time, just the two of just. And he decided this is the week that is to occur. It must be the "senior" thing because he was throwing a fit until I committed. So............
Monday:
Got up an hour early for school because I had to be there early because of an athletic award program. Went to school early. Went to program. Worked at school to teach AND run the library. Graded stuff. Got roped into filling in for the night receptionist at my weekend job (I told the boss I would cover if the lady was still sick. That was LAST week. She was still sick. I'm stooopid.) Worked that job until 10pm. Came home and did 2 loads of laundry. Argued with Mac because I was supposed to have "our time" on Monday but explained to him why I HAD to work. Did dishes. Picked out 100 pictures for his open house grad party. Worry about needing to make slide show. Slight relief when ITSam volunteered to make slide show. Fell into bed sometime after 1 am.
Tuesday:
Worked at school to teach and run the library. Gave up on grades and attempting to teach kids who are either going home for good tomorrow so they don't care about school or angry kids who are not going home, and showed a movie. Made some business calls. Made a shopping list of what I need to get for Mac's graduation. Made phone calls about stuff for Mac's graduation open house. Discovered Mac's shorts for open house don't fit and need to be returned to JC Penney's. Went to dinner with Mac. Laughed & made fun of Mac because waiter thought I was his girlfriend, not his mom. Saw a movie with Mac. Went to Wal-Mart and stood in line behind 4 people because only 1 lane was open and I only had 1 item. Came home. Did laundry. Confirmed Mac senior picture order while I cleaned bathroom. Had a cleaning boo-boo in bathroom (daddy-), don't ask). Cleaned kitchen and dining room. Fell into bed sometime after midnight-thirty.
Wednesday:
Got up 90 minutes early because I had to be at school for academic awards program and in my haste of trying to do 2 jobs yesterday I forgot to run my report for the program of reading stats. Went to school 1 hour early to run report. Copier broken and have to hand write report. Pissed. Burned mouth on coffee. More pissed. Got to awards. Have all 6 class periods shortened for the day because of program and afternoon graduation. Leave work. Get gift for baby shower tomorrow. Drop off illegally procured music to friend for HER graduation ceremony at her school that she's in charge of. Come home. Clean living room. Pick up 22 pair of shoes from beside front door. Do more laundry. Help ITSam fix bathroom boo-boo from last night. Confirm Mac has all his chores done. Buy stuff for graduation open house. Buy gift bags for baby shower. Give up on having enough energy to fix dinner and drive thru McDonalds. Eat. Text brother because had panic attack that I was supposed to get Daddy-O at the airport tomorrow and had forgotten. Breathed because Bro is getting Daddy-O. Write this blog post. Plan on wrapping shower gifts. Plan on scanning pictures to finish slide show for Mac's open house. Plan on coloring my hair. Plan on sleeping.
I so want this week to end. I'm exhausted. I cannot remember ever being this tired. I really can't. I am so glad that Daddy-O is coming home because 1) I missed him; 2) he's calming; and, 3) I'm hoping he'll help with small stuff because things are more fun with him and two heads and hands are so much better.
I need more than Calgon.............
Maggie
Showing posts with label sleep. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sleep. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Not a morning person today
I am not a morning person. Daddy-O could share horror stories about my teen years, getting ready for school in the morning. Hopefully he won't. As I've gotten older I've tried really hard to adjust to mornings. I'm certainly NOT a morning person but now I try to move about my early AM routine in silence and leave everyone else alone as much as possible. I give myself a mental pick me up on the way to work. I guzzle coffee. And just as an adult, I tend to be a bit more mature most mornings and realize "this is life. Deal with it. Get you ass moving, Mags." That being said...
Is the body programmed to know when it's a weekend?
Usually weekends I sleep as long as I can and then drink coffee while sitting on the couch in my jammies for a good 2 hours. I blog or surf the web, read emails. I might watch a movie or read, but on weekends I am slow and leisurely as I start my days.
Today was an exception to the weekend rule. I actually opened the front office today as part of my weekend receptionist job. I had to have the doors unlocked, and phones and lights on by 8am. I got here at 7:53am. This is about the same time I roll into work at the library every single day of the week. I even went to bed last night around the same time I do on a 'school night'.
What I want to know is why this morning feels so rough? It's the same time and same body. It's a job that's about equal in work load or requirements on my body. In all honesty, this is probably simpler than the library, overall.
But when my alarm went off this morning- even 15 minutes later than usual!- I about died. I couldn't believe it. I hit the snooze and I actually fell back asleep which is unheard of. When I tap snooze I usually use those 9 minutes to contemplate the world and my day and slowly move all my limbs around. But this morning I almost dismantled the clock and then promptly went back to sleep. When it went off the second time I think I left a cartoon like hole in the ceiling about my bed, I was so startled.
I'm sitting here barely able to have my eyes open. I'm sucking down my coffee but it's not doing it's job.
I swear my body knows it's a Sunday, a day of rest, a day to sleep in.
I think Sunday 8am feels like any other time at 5am.
And it's supposed to rain today.
Ugh....
Maggie
Is the body programmed to know when it's a weekend?
Usually weekends I sleep as long as I can and then drink coffee while sitting on the couch in my jammies for a good 2 hours. I blog or surf the web, read emails. I might watch a movie or read, but on weekends I am slow and leisurely as I start my days.
Today was an exception to the weekend rule. I actually opened the front office today as part of my weekend receptionist job. I had to have the doors unlocked, and phones and lights on by 8am. I got here at 7:53am. This is about the same time I roll into work at the library every single day of the week. I even went to bed last night around the same time I do on a 'school night'.
What I want to know is why this morning feels so rough? It's the same time and same body. It's a job that's about equal in work load or requirements on my body. In all honesty, this is probably simpler than the library, overall.
But when my alarm went off this morning- even 15 minutes later than usual!- I about died. I couldn't believe it. I hit the snooze and I actually fell back asleep which is unheard of. When I tap snooze I usually use those 9 minutes to contemplate the world and my day and slowly move all my limbs around. But this morning I almost dismantled the clock and then promptly went back to sleep. When it went off the second time I think I left a cartoon like hole in the ceiling about my bed, I was so startled.
I'm sitting here barely able to have my eyes open. I'm sucking down my coffee but it's not doing it's job.
I swear my body knows it's a Sunday, a day of rest, a day to sleep in.
I think Sunday 8am feels like any other time at 5am.
And it's supposed to rain today.
Ugh....
Maggie
Sunday, January 23, 2011
I know you can't catch up on lost sleep but I'd like to try
On the weekends when I do my part time secretary gig I get all stressed out over Sunday. Sunday is my only day off and I get myself into a dither over it. Yeah, I know-- talk about needing to learn to relax.
Here's the thought process: there are so many things I want to do and there's not enough time in a day. I want to just read, watch movies, maybe get dressed and hang at my favorite coffee shop for a change of atmosphere and to be left alone- sometimes I like my alone time. I feel like I should just relax and a big part of me wants to do nothing more than relax and lay around but then I think about cleaning the garage, doing laundry, grocery shopping, finish my book club book, cleaning my room, gathering tax papers, responding to emails, paying bills... I think of all the things I SHOULD be doing. I argue with myself that I worked all week and almost all weekend so I deserve a day to just hang out. Then I look at the list of crap I should do.
What will probably happen is that I'll do the shopping, get my tax papers together and I'll do laundry while just hanging out here at the house and reading or watching Netflix. I guess it's a happy medium. I keep pushing the big chores to the back of my mind.
I think it's the thought that I worked 12 of the 13 days. The idea of that makes me tired.
I was telling Daddy-O that when I work on the weekend my Saturday mornings are shot. I always think I won't set my alarm because I usually can't sleep much past 8:30 am on a weekend. But for the last 4 or 5 Saturdays, I've gotten up between 11am and noon. I feel like I sleep the sleep of the dead. I think it's because I go a million miles an hour during the week and then the weekend gets here and I mentally crash.
I remember a few weekends when I lived in the Wild West where Friday night would roll around and I would make no plans. I get some groceries and movies on my way home from school and then put on my jammies around 4 o'clock in the afternoon. I would often crash by 8pm and sleep until nearly noon on Saturday. I would just lay on the couch and watch movies and nap all day Saturday. I wouldn't even get dressed or shower and I would usually go to bed around 9pm and sleep all night. On Sunday I would finally take a shower late in the afternoon or early evening and put on another pair of clean jammies. I remember the re-charging of the battery feeling of those weekends. I didn't do that often- I didn't need to- but when I did I was just a big slug, but come Monday morning, I was ready to dance back into the classroom and impart learning!
I'm wondering if my ability to crash on a Saturday morning and sleep until noon is a much shorter version of "re-charging my battery"? My body and mind finally meet up and realize I need to sleep for one long unbroken period of time?
Here it is, Sunday morning at 9:40am and I'm awake and blogging. I've been up for about an hour. No coffee or shower yet, but I've still been up for an hour. And after I hit 'publish' here I'll be taking care of those. Then I'll get the laundry going. And at least I'll be dressed and ready to go when I feel like tackling the grocery shopping.
And then I'll sit in front of the fire and read. Even if it's just for a little bit.
Maggie
Here's the thought process: there are so many things I want to do and there's not enough time in a day. I want to just read, watch movies, maybe get dressed and hang at my favorite coffee shop for a change of atmosphere and to be left alone- sometimes I like my alone time. I feel like I should just relax and a big part of me wants to do nothing more than relax and lay around but then I think about cleaning the garage, doing laundry, grocery shopping, finish my book club book, cleaning my room, gathering tax papers, responding to emails, paying bills... I think of all the things I SHOULD be doing. I argue with myself that I worked all week and almost all weekend so I deserve a day to just hang out. Then I look at the list of crap I should do.
What will probably happen is that I'll do the shopping, get my tax papers together and I'll do laundry while just hanging out here at the house and reading or watching Netflix. I guess it's a happy medium. I keep pushing the big chores to the back of my mind.
I think it's the thought that I worked 12 of the 13 days. The idea of that makes me tired.
I was telling Daddy-O that when I work on the weekend my Saturday mornings are shot. I always think I won't set my alarm because I usually can't sleep much past 8:30 am on a weekend. But for the last 4 or 5 Saturdays, I've gotten up between 11am and noon. I feel like I sleep the sleep of the dead. I think it's because I go a million miles an hour during the week and then the weekend gets here and I mentally crash.
I remember a few weekends when I lived in the Wild West where Friday night would roll around and I would make no plans. I get some groceries and movies on my way home from school and then put on my jammies around 4 o'clock in the afternoon. I would often crash by 8pm and sleep until nearly noon on Saturday. I would just lay on the couch and watch movies and nap all day Saturday. I wouldn't even get dressed or shower and I would usually go to bed around 9pm and sleep all night. On Sunday I would finally take a shower late in the afternoon or early evening and put on another pair of clean jammies. I remember the re-charging of the battery feeling of those weekends. I didn't do that often- I didn't need to- but when I did I was just a big slug, but come Monday morning, I was ready to dance back into the classroom and impart learning!
I'm wondering if my ability to crash on a Saturday morning and sleep until noon is a much shorter version of "re-charging my battery"? My body and mind finally meet up and realize I need to sleep for one long unbroken period of time?
Here it is, Sunday morning at 9:40am and I'm awake and blogging. I've been up for about an hour. No coffee or shower yet, but I've still been up for an hour. And after I hit 'publish' here I'll be taking care of those. Then I'll get the laundry going. And at least I'll be dressed and ready to go when I feel like tackling the grocery shopping.
And then I'll sit in front of the fire and read. Even if it's just for a little bit.
Maggie
Sunday, August 15, 2010
No rest for the weary
I. am. so. tired.
Usually, the first weekend after school starts, I have a routine. In the past, the routine has me come home from school on Friday and put on my pajamas. I take a nap on the couch and when I wake up I order pizza to be delivered. Then I lay on the couch and eat pizza and watch movies until I fall asleep. I repeat this cycle until mid afternoon on Sunday. I may not order another pizza but just eat the leftovers from Friday. I may or may not drink. I may or may not shower. I may or may not answer the phone. Sometimes I read books for fun, but usually I stared at mindless television in between the catnaps. Usually, the general gist of the entire weekend is to just sleep, wake up to pee or eat and then sleep some more.
I didn't indulge in my sloth-fullness this weekend. For several reasons.
First, I had errands to run on Friday and then ITSam wanted to go to Northern Civilization to try on more rings and to take me to dinner since I had a long week.
Saturday I did sleep in but I promised Mac to take him to see Scott Pilgrim, which we did. And I had work to do at school. I just didn't feel prepared for Monday AND I had grading AND I the women whose class I'm covering didn't fill her book cases or make bulletin boards. She also didn't let me use her stuff so my room is one huge BLANK. I had to do something to fix that. So, after the movie I worked in my classroom for about 3 hours. Then I had dinner with ITSam, XRayGirl and her hubby. I was still at home and in bed by 11:30pm.
But here I sit, after 9 1/2 hours of sleep and I am still tired and just want to go back to bed. BUT!!! I still have some grading to do. I also have to prep for tomorrow. Sam wants to see The Expendables. (And so do I)
Maybe I'll be a sloth next weekend. ITSam will have Jack so I could indulge in being lazy... well, I probably won't because I live with Daddy-O and being a sloth with another person just loses something of the pleasure.
Off to the salt mines!
Maggie
Usually, the first weekend after school starts, I have a routine. In the past, the routine has me come home from school on Friday and put on my pajamas. I take a nap on the couch and when I wake up I order pizza to be delivered. Then I lay on the couch and eat pizza and watch movies until I fall asleep. I repeat this cycle until mid afternoon on Sunday. I may not order another pizza but just eat the leftovers from Friday. I may or may not drink. I may or may not shower. I may or may not answer the phone. Sometimes I read books for fun, but usually I stared at mindless television in between the catnaps. Usually, the general gist of the entire weekend is to just sleep, wake up to pee or eat and then sleep some more.
I didn't indulge in my sloth-fullness this weekend. For several reasons.
First, I had errands to run on Friday and then ITSam wanted to go to Northern Civilization to try on more rings and to take me to dinner since I had a long week.
Saturday I did sleep in but I promised Mac to take him to see Scott Pilgrim, which we did. And I had work to do at school. I just didn't feel prepared for Monday AND I had grading AND I the women whose class I'm covering didn't fill her book cases or make bulletin boards. She also didn't let me use her stuff so my room is one huge BLANK. I had to do something to fix that. So, after the movie I worked in my classroom for about 3 hours. Then I had dinner with ITSam, XRayGirl and her hubby. I was still at home and in bed by 11:30pm.
But here I sit, after 9 1/2 hours of sleep and I am still tired and just want to go back to bed. BUT!!! I still have some grading to do. I also have to prep for tomorrow. Sam wants to see The Expendables. (And so do I)
Maybe I'll be a sloth next weekend. ITSam will have Jack so I could indulge in being lazy... well, I probably won't because I live with Daddy-O and being a sloth with another person just loses something of the pleasure.
Off to the salt mines!
Maggie
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Grammar alert at 1:52 am
The other night I woke up at 1:52 am thinking, "OMG! I sent Ms. English Teacher an email thanking her for her 'patients and understanding' regarding a situation." Yes, I swear to goddess, I was wide awake at 1:52 am and that was the first thought in my head.
I was so upset that I might've sent my fellow colleague, and an English teacher at the middle school, an email using the wrong version of 'patience' that I got OUT of BED and went to check my sent box to see if I really, really did that. I didn't. What I did say was: "Thanks for being patient with me; I'll do my best."
Yes, get the visual. It's 1:52 am and I left my cold bed to sit huddled in front of the computer to check this. I looked at my "sent" box to verify. Then I sat there trying to remember if that was still correct or not, so I went so far as to check on dictionary.com.
The things that keep me awake at night.............
I need a life,
Maggie
I was so upset that I might've sent my fellow colleague, and an English teacher at the middle school, an email using the wrong version of 'patience' that I got OUT of BED and went to check my sent box to see if I really, really did that. I didn't. What I did say was: "Thanks for being patient with me; I'll do my best."
Yes, get the visual. It's 1:52 am and I left my cold bed to sit huddled in front of the computer to check this. I looked at my "sent" box to verify. Then I sat there trying to remember if that was still correct or not, so I went so far as to check on dictionary.com.
The things that keep me awake at night.............
I need a life,
Maggie
Monday, January 4, 2010
Live and let die
Picture this: Civilization, Midwest, 2010. Monday morning, the last day of a teacher's Christmas vacation at 7:41 am...
I'm sound asleep in my bed in my attic room. Today is the last day of freedom, meaning I don't return to the classroom drudgery until tomorrow morning. Some of the schools in our county had to go to school today, like Mac's school. But I didn't have to worry about getting Mac off to school today since he decided to stay at his Sperm Donor's house last night.
So there I was, all curled up and sound asleep, planning of a nice long "lie-in" as the Irish would say, when I hear a pounding and thumping and then see a huge flash of light.
Torn from my dreams and snapped into a quick reality, I sat bolt up right, immediately wide awake. There stands Mac. The thumping and pounding? Him running pell-mell up the stairs. The flash of light? Him turning on the overhead light in the attic.
Mac: "Mom?!? WTF? It's 7:41 am! You're gonna be late for school!! Why are you here? What's wrong?"
Me: "I don't have school today. Our school system starts tomorrow. WTF are YOU doing here?"
Mac (suppressing a grin when he sees the murderous look on my face): "Ooooooooooops, sorry." He smiles. Then giggles. Then sees the look of rage on my face and stops. "I, uh, forgot my schedule and I uh, forgot my book." He starts rummaging through his stuff on the attic floor.
Me: "Oh." But what I was thinking was: A judge would understand if I beat him, right?
Mac: "Sorry."
Me: "Be quiet and don't wake your grandfather." But I said this to his retreating back as he THUNDERED DOWN the stairs and SLAMMED the front door.
Of course I was completely awake and now I had to pee. It was 7:41 am.
Mac is still alive.
Mother Maggie
I'm sound asleep in my bed in my attic room. Today is the last day of freedom, meaning I don't return to the classroom drudgery until tomorrow morning. Some of the schools in our county had to go to school today, like Mac's school. But I didn't have to worry about getting Mac off to school today since he decided to stay at his Sperm Donor's house last night.
So there I was, all curled up and sound asleep, planning of a nice long "lie-in" as the Irish would say, when I hear a pounding and thumping and then see a huge flash of light.
Torn from my dreams and snapped into a quick reality, I sat bolt up right, immediately wide awake. There stands Mac. The thumping and pounding? Him running pell-mell up the stairs. The flash of light? Him turning on the overhead light in the attic.
Mac: "Mom?!? WTF? It's 7:41 am! You're gonna be late for school!! Why are you here? What's wrong?"
Me: "I don't have school today. Our school system starts tomorrow. WTF are YOU doing here?"
Mac (suppressing a grin when he sees the murderous look on my face): "Ooooooooooops, sorry." He smiles. Then giggles. Then sees the look of rage on my face and stops. "I, uh, forgot my schedule and I uh, forgot my book." He starts rummaging through his stuff on the attic floor.
Me: "Oh." But what I was thinking was: A judge would understand if I beat him, right?
Mac: "Sorry."
Me: "Be quiet and don't wake your grandfather." But I said this to his retreating back as he THUNDERED DOWN the stairs and SLAMMED the front door.
Of course I was completely awake and now I had to pee. It was 7:41 am.
Mac is still alive.
Mother Maggie
Saturday, December 12, 2009
I'm alive, well and kickin'... and tired
I. am. exhausted.
I started my new job with the special ed kids this weeks.
Mac moved in with Daddy-O and me for time period unknown.
The weather turned cold and within 48 hours we had snow, rain, ice, sleet, fog, winds gusting up to 30 mph, and sunshine.
I also worked at the insurance office and went to Mac's choir concert. I saw the live Broadway show Annie, graded papers, wrote lesson plans, did some laundry, Christmas shopped, cooked, did dishes, and I think there was some other stuff.
I gave myself permission to not blog yesterday (thank you bragger for this encouragement!); and I've given myself permission to write this week ass blog post.
My plan tomorrow is to try and catch up on all things blog. I've missed reading everyone (though I've read some of my favorites but I didn't take time to comment, sorry!) and I've missed writing. I do have so much to tell you! And also tomorrow, in addition to all things blog, I want to answer emails, wrap gifts, finish the laundry, bake Christmas cookies, see a movie, clean my room, re-arrange furniture, take Mac for a haircut, and finish decorating my pink Christmas tree. Writing it all down makes me tired.
So good night and see you tomorrow!
Maggie Mae
I started my new job with the special ed kids this weeks.
Mac moved in with Daddy-O and me for time period unknown.
The weather turned cold and within 48 hours we had snow, rain, ice, sleet, fog, winds gusting up to 30 mph, and sunshine.
I also worked at the insurance office and went to Mac's choir concert. I saw the live Broadway show Annie, graded papers, wrote lesson plans, did some laundry, Christmas shopped, cooked, did dishes, and I think there was some other stuff.
I gave myself permission to not blog yesterday (thank you bragger for this encouragement!); and I've given myself permission to write this week ass blog post.
My plan tomorrow is to try and catch up on all things blog. I've missed reading everyone (though I've read some of my favorites but I didn't take time to comment, sorry!) and I've missed writing. I do have so much to tell you! And also tomorrow, in addition to all things blog, I want to answer emails, wrap gifts, finish the laundry, bake Christmas cookies, see a movie, clean my room, re-arrange furniture, take Mac for a haircut, and finish decorating my pink Christmas tree. Writing it all down makes me tired.
So good night and see you tomorrow!
Maggie Mae
Monday, November 16, 2009
Sleep the sleep of the dead
Sleep- a wakeful death. Such imagery that I thought I made it up because I've thought it ever since I was a little kid but I'm sure some "poet" actually wrote it and I read it. It seems like it's mine. Sleep had alluded me in my life to the point where I guess I could be called an insomniac.
My insomnia works two ways. It either takes me forever to fall asleep which really sucks when the alarm bell chimes in the morning. The other option is when I fall asleep immediately but then wake up around 3 am and I'm up for the day; I just can't go back to sleep. I hate both options. I would love to sleep normally but it just doesn't usually happen that way.
Sleep had been hard to come by ever since I was a kid. I found I do my best thinking, laying in the darkness. I used to write the best stories in my head, ever since I was little. I would basically make up my own bedtime stories, even after I spent 3 hours past my bed time reading a book under the covers with a flashlight. I would still have the those moments, just laying there waiting for sleep to envelop me. I never wrote them down, which is unfortunate because I'm sure there was an Oprah Book Club book in there somewhere, or at least something that would get me on a best seller list. I still 'write' stories where I turn my life into a fantasy, or I pick a "what if" moment and let it come to life in my brain. Over the years I've written blog posts in my head and most of the time they are never as good when I actually grab my laptop and type it out. I always seem to dream away the right turn a phrase I used in my mind, darn it! Oh well.
I've also come to realize I have hang ups about sleep, that are like OCDs. Oh, hell I have OCDs about lots of other things so why not about sleep? And prescription meds can't even override these- trust me, I've tried. I've taken prescription sleep meds as well as over the counter stuff and they work for a bit and then *bam* nada. Occasionally I indulge in booze to help and it can for just a bit. And I've also taken Tylenol PM with white wine... but that's an issue for another day. Back in the day, a little pot would really help, but i live in a state where that is so NOT legal in any circumstance.
Okay so my sleep hang ups:
Noise: I want it to be completely quiet when I try to sleep- it helps. When I lived in the Wild West, this was easy. Other than an stray barking dog or the neighbor kid's pick up truck, it was silent. The absolute quiet really helps the sleeping. I did go through a phase where I was falling asleep with the tv on but that was short lived. And that only worked on "can't fall asleep immediately" nights. And it sometimes worked against me because I would wake up to turn the tv off and then maybe stay awake rather than go back to sleep.
Here in Civilization, finding the peace and quiet is really tough. I've had to adjust to city noises again like sirens, street lamps, dogs barking in the distance, dogs barking in the back yard, dogs barking across the street, traffic sounds, and voices. What I mean by voices: people walking around outside, not the ones in my head. I mean I don't hear voices in my head. Usually.
I've discovered I also don't do well with "internal people noise." What that means is that noises in the house made by other people are really weird to me and make my sleep troubled. If I go to bed before Daddy-O and I can hear him walking around or watching tv, then I'll toss and turn. It was the same way when Mac lived with me all the time. If he got up to pee or if he sneezed, I was awake. Once, I even told him, or rather yelled at him through the wall, to be quiet and he said he was just breathing. Um, yeah. I have issues.
Light: I want it completely dark when I go to sleep. Again, hard to do in Civilization because of street lamps. Head lights of cars dancing across the walls. Downstairs lights from the living room since my attic room is like a loft- there's no door. I have to even make the red glowing clock numbers face away from me and lay my cell phone face down so the LED light glare won't bother me.
I have a sleep mask or two and I employ those to help with the light issues. That can do the trick most of the time but overall, I can't really fool myself. Though, on a side note, I do like the sleep masks because it seems... glamorous. Go figure.
Temperature: I cannot sleep if I'm too hot or too cold. If I get too hot, I can't get cool quick enough. I kick all the covers off and shed clothes, then fall asleep only to wake later in a freezing cold state. If I'm cold I can't warm quick enough. I put on lots of clothes and get under lots of covers and I still can't heat up fast enough. And it's the end of the world if my nose or toes are cold. I mean, THE END. I have been known to get up in the middle of the night to take a hot shower because I just can't get warm. In the winter, I just give up and take a warm shower most nights before I go to bed to cut the cold toes off at the pass.
So, I'm off to go to sleep. I hope.
G'night sweethearts, good night...
Maggie Mae
My insomnia works two ways. It either takes me forever to fall asleep which really sucks when the alarm bell chimes in the morning. The other option is when I fall asleep immediately but then wake up around 3 am and I'm up for the day; I just can't go back to sleep. I hate both options. I would love to sleep normally but it just doesn't usually happen that way.
Sleep had been hard to come by ever since I was a kid. I found I do my best thinking, laying in the darkness. I used to write the best stories in my head, ever since I was little. I would basically make up my own bedtime stories, even after I spent 3 hours past my bed time reading a book under the covers with a flashlight. I would still have the those moments, just laying there waiting for sleep to envelop me. I never wrote them down, which is unfortunate because I'm sure there was an Oprah Book Club book in there somewhere, or at least something that would get me on a best seller list. I still 'write' stories where I turn my life into a fantasy, or I pick a "what if" moment and let it come to life in my brain. Over the years I've written blog posts in my head and most of the time they are never as good when I actually grab my laptop and type it out. I always seem to dream away the right turn a phrase I used in my mind, darn it! Oh well.
I've also come to realize I have hang ups about sleep, that are like OCDs. Oh, hell I have OCDs about lots of other things so why not about sleep? And prescription meds can't even override these- trust me, I've tried. I've taken prescription sleep meds as well as over the counter stuff and they work for a bit and then *bam* nada. Occasionally I indulge in booze to help and it can for just a bit. And I've also taken Tylenol PM with white wine... but that's an issue for another day. Back in the day, a little pot would really help, but i live in a state where that is so NOT legal in any circumstance.
Okay so my sleep hang ups:
Noise: I want it to be completely quiet when I try to sleep- it helps. When I lived in the Wild West, this was easy. Other than an stray barking dog or the neighbor kid's pick up truck, it was silent. The absolute quiet really helps the sleeping. I did go through a phase where I was falling asleep with the tv on but that was short lived. And that only worked on "can't fall asleep immediately" nights. And it sometimes worked against me because I would wake up to turn the tv off and then maybe stay awake rather than go back to sleep.
Here in Civilization, finding the peace and quiet is really tough. I've had to adjust to city noises again like sirens, street lamps, dogs barking in the distance, dogs barking in the back yard, dogs barking across the street, traffic sounds, and voices. What I mean by voices: people walking around outside, not the ones in my head. I mean I don't hear voices in my head. Usually.
I've discovered I also don't do well with "internal people noise." What that means is that noises in the house made by other people are really weird to me and make my sleep troubled. If I go to bed before Daddy-O and I can hear him walking around or watching tv, then I'll toss and turn. It was the same way when Mac lived with me all the time. If he got up to pee or if he sneezed, I was awake. Once, I even told him, or rather yelled at him through the wall, to be quiet and he said he was just breathing. Um, yeah. I have issues.
Light: I want it completely dark when I go to sleep. Again, hard to do in Civilization because of street lamps. Head lights of cars dancing across the walls. Downstairs lights from the living room since my attic room is like a loft- there's no door. I have to even make the red glowing clock numbers face away from me and lay my cell phone face down so the LED light glare won't bother me.
I have a sleep mask or two and I employ those to help with the light issues. That can do the trick most of the time but overall, I can't really fool myself. Though, on a side note, I do like the sleep masks because it seems... glamorous. Go figure.
Temperature: I cannot sleep if I'm too hot or too cold. If I get too hot, I can't get cool quick enough. I kick all the covers off and shed clothes, then fall asleep only to wake later in a freezing cold state. If I'm cold I can't warm quick enough. I put on lots of clothes and get under lots of covers and I still can't heat up fast enough. And it's the end of the world if my nose or toes are cold. I mean, THE END. I have been known to get up in the middle of the night to take a hot shower because I just can't get warm. In the winter, I just give up and take a warm shower most nights before I go to bed to cut the cold toes off at the pass.
So, I'm off to go to sleep. I hope.
G'night sweethearts, good night...
Maggie Mae
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
I deserve 8 million lashes with a wet noodle
The last 48 hours have been hectic, chaotic and simply put, exhausting. Nothing is wrong, nothing bad happened, but other than to sleep and shower, I've only been home for about a total of 10 minutes in the last 2 days. I know I owe you a post- the first time I found a dead body is the winner- but it just isn't gonna happen tonight. I just don't have it in me. I don't think I have a brain cell to rub against another one... Speaking of dead, I feel brain dead for sure.
I'm so sorry!
So tomorrow, I promise the dead body post. AND since ya'll are so good and sweet and nice and kind and patient, I'll also give you another post from that list!
So goodnight, reader, wherever you are,
Maggie
I'm so sorry!
So tomorrow, I promise the dead body post. AND since ya'll are so good and sweet and nice and kind and patient, I'll also give you another post from that list!
So goodnight, reader, wherever you are,
Maggie
Sunday, June 14, 2009
These snakes weren't on a plane...
I had a dream the other night. And it makes me wonder what in the world is going on in my subconscious.
In my dream, I'm asleep in my bed, in my attic room at Daddy-O's house and in my dream I feel something slither across me, on top of the covers. And not slither in a sexy way.
So in my dream, I wake up and jump out of bed. I'm standing next to the bed and there are HUGE snakes on the floor, looking like about 20 of them but probably just 2 but they are enormous and fat and just HUGE. These huge snakes are crawling and slithering around my legs. I stand motionless, listening to them slither and hiss at me and bare their fangs. I'm paralyzed with fear, with my heart pounding, face red, beads of sweat running down me, labored breathing, scared out of my mind. Then they slide under the bed and i jump on top of my bed. They sudden appear again, popping their heads over the side and I throw my white goose down duvet on top of them and I grab a garden hoe, that is for some bizarre reason (that can only happen in a dream of course) conveniently leaning against the bedroom wall, and hack them to death while they are trapped under the blanket.
When I'm done I hear Mac and his friend Ryan laughing (in Real life, in non dream life, that is- I have never even met Ryan but Mac tells me horrendous stories about the shit this kid does and it makes me, in the real awake world, cringe that Mac chills out occasionally with this kid). I guess Ryan had caught the snakes and they deiced to mess with me and set them loose. I called the police and had both boys arrested.
The cops came and took the boys and I was sitting there waiting for animal control to come and take the snake remains when the duvet started twitching.
Then I woke up. I woke from this dream at 4:51 am and have been awake since then.
Agreein' with Indiana Jones,
Mags
In my dream, I'm asleep in my bed, in my attic room at Daddy-O's house and in my dream I feel something slither across me, on top of the covers. And not slither in a sexy way.
So in my dream, I wake up and jump out of bed. I'm standing next to the bed and there are HUGE snakes on the floor, looking like about 20 of them but probably just 2 but they are enormous and fat and just HUGE. These huge snakes are crawling and slithering around my legs. I stand motionless, listening to them slither and hiss at me and bare their fangs. I'm paralyzed with fear, with my heart pounding, face red, beads of sweat running down me, labored breathing, scared out of my mind. Then they slide under the bed and i jump on top of my bed. They sudden appear again, popping their heads over the side and I throw my white goose down duvet on top of them and I grab a garden hoe, that is for some bizarre reason (that can only happen in a dream of course) conveniently leaning against the bedroom wall, and hack them to death while they are trapped under the blanket.
When I'm done I hear Mac and his friend Ryan laughing (in Real life, in non dream life, that is- I have never even met Ryan but Mac tells me horrendous stories about the shit this kid does and it makes me, in the real awake world, cringe that Mac chills out occasionally with this kid). I guess Ryan had caught the snakes and they deiced to mess with me and set them loose. I called the police and had both boys arrested.
The cops came and took the boys and I was sitting there waiting for animal control to come and take the snake remains when the duvet started twitching.
Then I woke up. I woke from this dream at 4:51 am and have been awake since then.
Agreein' with Indiana Jones,
Mags
Monday, February 9, 2009
Sam's Revenge
Sam and I talk on the phone every day. For hours and hours usually...
And before you all think the prices are crazy for international calls, he's lucky because he has an American cell phone still so we use that- no worries!
But the time difference is a really bitch- it's 5 hours- him being 5 hours ahead of me, I should say. So when he's settled in for the night and nearing bedtime, it's only 6 or 7 pm here. He's also very much a night owl and hates to sleep, a true insomniac if I ever met one (he puts me to shame there) so he often calls a bit later in the evening, closer to 1 am his time, 8 pm mine. And then we always end up talking for a few hours... There have been times in the last few weeks when he's gone to sleep near sunup.
He said there were many mornings of late when he's awoke cursing my name... hmmmmm! I don't want him cursing my name!
This is not entirely my fault, but we did decide he had to straighten out his sleeping habits. I always know when he's near the end of a conversation because he babbles in French and Spanish, sings songs from musicals or talks about puffins... ah, the ramblings and musings of the sleep deprived! Anyway, but the sleeping habits were not to be straightened out over this past weekend. Oh no!
Since Sam went to visit friends in Northern England since he was stranded in the country for the weekend, he had the pleasure of attending a costume stag and doe (British version of a bachelor and bachelorette costume party combo) and a birthday party two nights in a row. So Friday night he leaves me a message early in the day and tells me he isn't sure he'll have cell service, not sure of the plans, blah blah blah and he didn't know if he would call. BUT he called me at 3 am his time when he got home from the 70s club. And he was quite pissed- in the British way, not the American way: he was DRUNK. He drunk dialed me and I promise to let him live it down. And we ended up chatting for about 3 hours and he saw the sun come up and then went to bed, promptly. (Hmmmmm, Vampire? maybe- he has to have a fatal flaw; all men do and I haven't found his... YET!) But before signing off he said he wouldn't be calling on Saturday because it was going to be insane. Uh-huh.
On Saturday night at 11 pm EST I was in bed ready to fall asleep and thought he was actually right for once and he hasn't called. I hoped he was having a good time (okay, not too good) and I figured I'd hear all about it on Sunday night when he phoned from, hopefully, Ireland.
However, Sam decided that these last several weeks of late night phone calls for him were to be avenged. He called me when he got home from the party/clubbing. It was 6am his time and 1 am EST. I was sound asleep. And I guess when I first answered I told him I couldn't make bail... then I became more fully awake and stopped dreaming (no idea what I was dreaming that would have to do with bail...) and we talked for about 3 hours!!!
I will admit that I did fall back asleep pretty quickly but when I woke up at 10am it was my turn to curse his name. But it wasn't that bad. At least I didn't have to go to work like he usually does when this nonsense occurs.
We decided we both hate "the Pond" and life would be much simpler if we were in the same... oh say, continent! country! time zone! city! room! And... well, you get the picture!
Your sleepy
Maggie
an aside: At the time of the writing of this post his plane was scheduled to depart New Castle, England on time!
And before you all think the prices are crazy for international calls, he's lucky because he has an American cell phone still so we use that- no worries!
But the time difference is a really bitch- it's 5 hours- him being 5 hours ahead of me, I should say. So when he's settled in for the night and nearing bedtime, it's only 6 or 7 pm here. He's also very much a night owl and hates to sleep, a true insomniac if I ever met one (he puts me to shame there) so he often calls a bit later in the evening, closer to 1 am his time, 8 pm mine. And then we always end up talking for a few hours... There have been times in the last few weeks when he's gone to sleep near sunup.
He said there were many mornings of late when he's awoke cursing my name... hmmmmm! I don't want him cursing my name!
This is not entirely my fault, but we did decide he had to straighten out his sleeping habits. I always know when he's near the end of a conversation because he babbles in French and Spanish, sings songs from musicals or talks about puffins... ah, the ramblings and musings of the sleep deprived! Anyway, but the sleeping habits were not to be straightened out over this past weekend. Oh no!
Since Sam went to visit friends in Northern England since he was stranded in the country for the weekend, he had the pleasure of attending a costume stag and doe (British version of a bachelor and bachelorette costume party combo) and a birthday party two nights in a row. So Friday night he leaves me a message early in the day and tells me he isn't sure he'll have cell service, not sure of the plans, blah blah blah and he didn't know if he would call. BUT he called me at 3 am his time when he got home from the 70s club. And he was quite pissed- in the British way, not the American way: he was DRUNK. He drunk dialed me and I promise to let him live it down. And we ended up chatting for about 3 hours and he saw the sun come up and then went to bed, promptly. (Hmmmmm, Vampire? maybe- he has to have a fatal flaw; all men do and I haven't found his... YET!) But before signing off he said he wouldn't be calling on Saturday because it was going to be insane. Uh-huh.
On Saturday night at 11 pm EST I was in bed ready to fall asleep and thought he was actually right for once and he hasn't called. I hoped he was having a good time (okay, not too good) and I figured I'd hear all about it on Sunday night when he phoned from, hopefully, Ireland.
However, Sam decided that these last several weeks of late night phone calls for him were to be avenged. He called me when he got home from the party/clubbing. It was 6am his time and 1 am EST. I was sound asleep. And I guess when I first answered I told him I couldn't make bail... then I became more fully awake and stopped dreaming (no idea what I was dreaming that would have to do with bail...) and we talked for about 3 hours!!!
I will admit that I did fall back asleep pretty quickly but when I woke up at 10am it was my turn to curse his name. But it wasn't that bad. At least I didn't have to go to work like he usually does when this nonsense occurs.
We decided we both hate "the Pond" and life would be much simpler if we were in the same... oh say, continent! country! time zone! city! room! And... well, you get the picture!
Your sleepy
Maggie
an aside: At the time of the writing of this post his plane was scheduled to depart New Castle, England on time!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)