My response to OWC

When I first read about Obedient Wives Club (Kelab Isteri-isteri Taat) on my Twitter timeline, I thought it was… interesting. Lots of rage and sarcastic comments made me curious to know what was it all about.

Upon reading the news update, I was emotional. While people keep on hyping about how the club promotes wives’ sexual prowess to ensure husbands’ fidelity, I was outraged to read the founder’s statement; “abused wives deserve it because they did not make their husbands happy”. How can a woman said that to another woman? It was as if she was under some kind of brain washing sedative that made her incoherent.

After my rage subsided, I decided that there could be a mistake. Maybe either of these two things (or both) happened:

1. The founder did not prepare a proper press statement and she got a little too excited to promote her cause
2. The founder’s statement was taken out of proportion by the press

Now, I do not know which happened, but until to date, there is no official press conference called by the club to clarify the matter. What I have read in the news so far, it seems like the club members agree with the following:

1. A woman deserve the abuse she receives because she does not know how to make her husband happy
2. A woman needs to be better than a first class prostitute to entertain her husband in the sack
3. A woman is responsible for her husband’s fidelity/infidelity

While I agree that sexual relationship between husband and wife is important, it is not the center of a relationship. It is what spice the relationship. And a relationship needs more than sex to flourish and be strong. What’s more, both the husband and wife are responsible in the relationship, they both are accountable for their actions. A great bedroom activity does not guarantee a loyal husband; or a loyal wife for that matter. All male friends that shared their views on this topic agree that sexual relationship is not the only thing that keep the relationship intact.

It is a good idea to promote healthy relationship between husbands and wives. It is great that they realise sex plays an important role. But it is absurd to be comparing a wife to that of a prostitute. It is degrading.

It is also good to encourage wives to obey their husbands; we know some wives are stubborn, we admit that. Allah SWT said we should obey so long as it is not against Islam. And Islam promotes love and dignity, as such would you obey if your husband asks you to act like a prostitute, even if it’s only for him?

Bottom line, relationship takes two to make it work. I hope the founder or representative from the club will quickly make an official statement to really share clear direction and objective of the club. Here’s to hoping there was a miscommunication somewhere that resulted this issue exploding.

Well, what say you?

Ps: the club is opening a branch in Singapore. http://news.asiaone.com/News/AsiaOne%2BNews/Malaysia/Story/A1Story20110613-283736.html

Most Unsettling Occurrences

I have been blessed in so many ways. I have nothing to complain but to always be grateful. I may not have so much excess monetarily, but in its place I am bestowed with other grandeurs and pleasures. And to always be thankful for what we have, we must always accept sincerely that Allah knows best and He give us what we need; not necessarily what we want.

While some people upon marital bliss, feel obliged(?) to dictate (advise sternly?) to their single friends or would-be wives the best course of managing the household plus the husband, I personally feel inadequate. In fact, I have no intention of giving unsolicited opinion when it comes to husband and wife relationship. For each couple is different.

However, there is one matter which disturb me gravely. As this matter happens to some of my friends, I am sure it is happening to those I am not privy of. Bottom line, husbands are providers. This person whom a wife has promised to stay true, putting her livelihood and future in his hands is the person who is ultimately responsible for the household matters and future of the family.

I have heard; in confidence; repressed feelings from those who are dear to me that their partners are not taking up the responsibility of providing. Whilst the husbands spend money on their hobbies and time with their friends, they apparently have forgotten to do two crucial things. Spend money on the household and time with the family (wife and kids).

Some husbands apparently take for granted the fact that their wives are career women. Thus, these capable ladies are not given pocket money, grocery money even money to buy the baby’s milk powder and essentials. Let’s not even touch money for the wives to buy their own clothes! In worst cases, the wives are the ones providing for the husbands…

I understand that in some household, the wives are the breadwinners, because they earn better pay. But that does not exclude the husbands from their responsibilities as the man of the house. Owh, they require the wives to treat them like a king, cook daily (maybe), clean the house, do the washing and so on. But they neglect to make the wives feel like a partner, instead of just a servant. It is sad, but it happens.

Relationship is a two-way street. Husbands are wise to remember that having a wife who could stand on her own is not a ticket to responsibility freedom, but that shows she does not need a man to live her life. Therefore, she could in any time, go to the Religious Department to request for the marriage to be annulled on the grounds of irresponsible husband. However, we don’t really see this happening, because wives after all are stoic creatures. Ever so loyal, ever so loving. That’s how women are built. We endure.

Until the day we choose to endure no more.

But, once children are in the calculation, there is another consideration. However, I personally feel that rather than have a harebrained of a husband as a role model for the kids, the women in this predicament, should they able to stand on their own, must be brave enough to do so. Make their stand. Yes, this is a little revolutionary, but we women must always prepare for rainy days. Hope and pray for the best, but always be prepared if the sun is fated to disappear.

Why I Adore Edward Cullen

… as I adore Bill the True Blood Vampire, Angel the Vampire with Soul, Blade the Day Walker.

They all have tortured hero persona about them. Ha ha ha… Except for Blade, the rest of them are very gentleman in their vamp self.

Take Edward Cullen for example. He is the perfect man in every woman’s fantasy. Gentle yet firm. Kind with hidden violence against wrongs. He is also puts his woman’s happiness above everything else. Not to mention always thinking about his woman in everything he does. A perfect man. And as perfection goes, it only lives in the fantasy world.

Look at Jacob Black. He is your everyday man. Impatient. Childish. Always believe that he’s right all the time. While he has some commendable characteristics, his antagonism speaks louder. Very persuasive and manipulative in getting everything to his way. Clearly, real woman prefers more matured man. This emotive beastly man speaks heavy baggage and could drain a woman dry. And he’s not even a vampire!

I watched Eclipse last night with The Hubby. The Hubby could hardly contain his gag reflex every time the characters (especially Edward) utter a very cheesy line. What can we say? The lines were written by a woman, from a woman’s perspective, to feed a woman’s fantasy. Because in our dreams, our men speaks to us in ways that melt our hearts every time. Who needs the reality when you’re traversing across the pages of a romantic novella, non?

Honestly though, I could not be melting every single time my man opens his mouth. That would be totally messy and physically draining, wouldn’t it? Hmmm… I certainly hope that line does not come with a double meaning. Ha ha ha… What I mean is, after all the fantasy romance with the perfect man of our dreams, we are more willing to spend the rest of our lives with the likes of a real man. And as we know, a real man is really a boy with bigger toys (I’m quoting this line). If we’re lucky enough to get a man who’s maturity goes beyond Jake’s pathetic attempt at being an adult, then all the better. Even if we’re not, at least what we have is real.

Ps: I did offer The Hubby to sit out on Eclipse. I told him I could watch it on my own… But he insisted… I love my husband. Hi hi hi… 

 

I can now use the oven!

The electrician came and the kitchen’s wiring is finally fixed! And The Hubby surprised me by asking them to fix the balcony wiring as well! As such, I am now responsible to find a suitable light fixture. Yeay! By the way, I love their work; so neat and nice! I’d recommend them!

The renovation next door is still on going. But nearing its end I hope. Soon, there will be peace and tranquillity again. Hehe… So dramatic.

I think sometimes, in the quest of getting our partner to understand our needs, we fail to remember that we have to understand them too. We forget that our actions will also make them feel uneasy or sad. And just because they are men, it doesn’t mean they don’t have feelings. They will never admit it though, because it goes against their nature. Such is the manly-man.

Women need words. Don’t lie and say you don’t ladies. Because with words we feel comforted. When words turn into actions, it makes us feel over the top. Some women are comforted just by words and promises. And even i the men never get around to do what they said, the women still hang to more words. And I said, some.

Men on the other hand, are not so into words. Especially giving them. Receiving, they like it because it makes them feel adored and wanted. When giving words, it means they have to bare their emotions and feelings. In other words quantifying their feelings and acknowledging them. While they feel uneasy, women feel happier when they receive it. Because like men, it makes us feel adored and wanted.

No one ever said relationship is easy. And living together means all your actions and facial reactions are observed almost 24/7. And hearts are easily slighted because of this. I’ve got a lot of improvements to make. And everytime I need to, all I have to remember is to be ikhlas in everything I do. And no one ever said that relationship is one sided. Both parties have to work on it. ;-)

Leather S.O.S

I don’t fancy leather couch. It’s difficult to make it look homey. You can’t really put cushions on it and get away with it. In our weather, adding a throw would be asking for a home-made sauna. So, no, I don’t fancy leather couch.

My old couch, it was not expensive branded couch. But it was an extra large size, faux suede like fabric L-shape couch. It did it job. It was comfortable and homey. And I did add throw on it, because I was renting an eight floor apartment, which means I can let the sliding door open and get fresh air; unless it was the haze season. I miss my old couch. But it served its purpose to me, and now it’s making my parent’s living hall snazzy. My brother call it the modern area of the house.

Leather couch tends to be impersonal. Even when  you have personal items on it. Leather tends to separate itself from the rest. Why am going on and on about leather sofa, I don’t know. Maybe because I AM sitting in one? Can’t put it away, because it’s not mine to begin with.

And I think, that’s the underlying issue. Not mine.

There are a lot of things that you cannot do when some things are not yours. You can’t change the way a project is managed because you’re not the project manager, which means, the project is not yours. You cannot raise objections to your neighbour about the renovation they are doing because it’s their house. There a lot of things that you cannot do when you are not in control.

So, what can you do? Well, for starters, to get an insider that you know to help to raise the issue. You cannot solve everything on your own. You need to ask help. Some things, yes, you can settle it all alone. But a lot of things, need outside assistance. So don’t be shy to ask for help.

Next, timing. Like it or not, you need to find the right time to ask for help. First of all, if it involves emotions, and you’re feeling upset, the best way is to take time to cool down. Then only ask for help. Otherwise, the call for help will be delivered wrongly. Trust me, I did this mistake before. :-p

So. What was it that I was babbling about? Oh yaa… I don’t fancy leather couch.

Surviving Love Heartache

I tried to go on like I never knew you
I'm awake but my world is half asleep
I've prayed for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I'm going to be , incomplete         -BSB; Incomplete

This is an example of a sad love song. It tells us how it feels like when losing someone that is very dear. Either by death or just because of a break-up in the relationship.

Writing from break-up perspective, let me tell you, it's true. It's very true; speaking from experiences.

BUT, let me also tell you that the feeling will pass after some time. For every heartache, they will heal. You cannot delete the memories, but the sadness, the pain, they will go away in time. Time heals, just like Mariah Carey's song; Love Takes Time (to heal). The tears will stop.

When you're going through a break-up whether you wanted it or not, the pain is there. You started to feel that you have wasted a lot of time and effort on this someone who is supposed to be in love with you. Because for those period of time that you're together, this other person became your centre of everything. In most cases, girls will definitely put their partner first before everything else. As it is the nature for a girl to do so. During this period, you spend most of your waking time with your partner than your friends or even family members. And obviously when the relationship ended, it feels as if the world ends with it.

But fear not, it doesn't. Because life goes on. When the other person, probably, is enjoying his/her new life, with laughter, smiles and new love, why should we wallow in tears for so long? Give time for grief because that is how you will heal. But do not stay there any longer than necessary. Life goes on. 

Some people suggest to bury yourself with work because it will stop you from thinking about the loss. I disagree. You should spend time on thinking of what you have lost, and also what you have gained through out the experience. Cherish the happy times, learn from the sad ones. From here, slowly you will see that the break up is probably the best thing that could happen to you at a very opportune time. When you bury yourself with work, you are running away from what makes you sad, you're running away from reality. It's fine to do it for a while, but sooner or later you have to face the fact that life is not the same anymore and you have to accept this new breath of air. And move on. 

Some people suggest to go out with friends rather than wallowing alone at home. I agree. But after you give time to yourself to be alone. Because the purpose of going out with friends is to enjoy and feel happy again. If you're going out while you're still in the grieving state, you will only end up with tears, if not while out, when you get back home. And this is not helping. It's okay to feel a little sadness amongst the laughter, you're only human. And move on. 

Bad experiences in love relationship might make you bitter and not trusting. That is totally understandable. And no one can judge you badly for being this way. Because now you are wiser and you will start a new relationship with a purpose in mind and will not waste your time with players and jokers anymore. Because now you see the true meaning of a relationship and the value in it. So, if you're going out with someone who has different values on relationship, you know to draw the line, and to just enjoy the company as it is. You will not expect anything more. Because now, you know what you want from a serious relationship. So you move on. 

Many people say that when the right person comes along, you do not even realise it. It just happen slowly and surely, and finally you are there! While it may not happen this way for everyone, the concept is the same. Because every one of us is meant for someone. It just need the right time for it to happen. Think of this time alone as way to enrich yourself and learn more about yourself, to love yourself more than everything else. To learn to be happy yourself, on your own, before you can be happy with someone else. And when your being is at the right frequency with that someone who is intended to you, surely the magic will happen. It sounds a little whimsical, but some how, it is true. 

And when the real thing is happening, just rejoice every moment of it. Feel the love and happiness envelop your every senses. Don't let small little things bother you so much. If you have doubts or worries, communicate it with your partner. Because a relationship with repress feelings, is not healthy, in my opinion. It's a little scary to tell the person you love that you're upset or unhappy or angry, but if you do it, it makes you speak your mind, show your partner you have a stand, and God willing, he will appreciate it and respect you more. 



Relationship is not easy. It needs hard work everyday. From the man and the woman. It cannot happen with only one person making the effort. 

I sincerely hope that this post will help friends out there who are going through the heartaches. Some cannot let go of the past and give chance to new relationships. Some are still tearing from the pain. Some in relationships but emotionally repressed. I hope you will find solace, and whenever you need to talk, you know I'm all ears for you.

Let's Cling!

Maybe women ARE supposed to whine. Maybe we’re just built that way. We are also built to cling and be dependant on our spouses. Now, don’t get your neck strain and your blood boiling, I’m just saying that these are the womanly antics that maybe created to complement those testosterone characteristics.

We know that men and women are not build the same. We know we are different in so many ways. That is why books like Mars and Venus genres are selling like hot cakes! That is why we read articles to help we understand our partners. Therefore it just follows the logics that we are built in certain ways to complement the other gender.

However independent and resourceful a woman is, she always have the small voice telling her she’s missing something. I can testify this myself. I was on my own for quite some time. And yes, I can get myself things and go anywhere, but I always longed for someone to share the things and places with.

I was happy on my own, minding myself. But I did wonder how it would feel to have someone next to me and be happy together. I believe some of my friends would be woman enough to admit the same thing.

Men, they don’t see relationships the way women do. It is very straight to the point for them. That is why, when women long for special moments to be shared together, men have difficulty to understand the importance. Saying “I miss you” once in one phone call thousand miles away is enough to them. But for women, repetition makes it more meaningful. I think I repeat it 10 times in the space of five minutes. That’s twice a minute! And wayyyyyyy too much for a man to handle. I definitely sounded clingy. But since I’m already the lawful wedded wife, The Hubby just chuckled and gave the obligatory reply; “Miss you too”.

And truth be told, when I woke up one morning, found an SMS from him that said; “I miss my wife”, it made my day so much better. Not because I felt happy he missed me, just that, I was happy he missed me. Didn’t get that? Well, it was not because he’s miserable that I am happy, it’s just because when he said it, I truly believe that he missed me. It made my heart skipped a bit, my breath a little faster. In a good way. There was a warm glow spreading inside of me.

We, the modern women, we do our best to “behave” as expected by the modern society. Not clingy, being independent, speaking all our thoughts out loud, etc. And mostly because some men think that clingy women are not sexy. Tell me then, why do 50-year-old men are dating 20-year-olds? It’s because these young blood are clingy and dependant on them. They make the older men feel more manly and powerful. But when their 50-year-old wives do the same, those poor ladies become the reason they stray.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, those characteristics that we try to curb are the very essence that make us women. Obviously, used excessively, they become thorns on the backside, so utilise sparingly. In fact, we should not be embarrassed about being “womanly”. After all, in the old days where relationships were as strong as the China Wall, the dependencies were expected.

Just because we are our own women, that does not mean we have to be manly. And maybe in this day and age, women needs to be a little more clingy so real men can materialise once more.

From Blogging to Relationship Recipe!

I have been blogging since... 2003. After a couple of moves, I finally stick to this one. Those old blogs, they are still around. Today I visited one of them, and reminisced.

What prompted me to do that was... well.. Mr. Hubby again claimed my blog is a bore these days. :-p I'm taking it positively though. He said when I was emotional, my writings were more interesting. And I actually agree!

Those days I was on my own. Free to express my feelings without caring of the world. I was anonymous; except to a select few. I wrote what I felt, I wrote what I thought.

These days, when I do the same, I get a certain emotional comment or feedback, I read a certain post-reply in another blog. It's a little disheartening. And it's amazing how it changes me because my impression of the people I know changes.

We cannot expect people to think or act the way we do. But majority of us a subscribing to this context. I am lucky though that most of my closest friends are like-minded; we travel on the same wavelength. Just because we normally agree with one another, it does not mean we are in denial. Don't we all choose to be with the ones who are most alike to us anyway?

I used to blog because the blog is my online diary; it is where I tell my story. These days I think I blog because people reads it. Writing was like water flowing back then. I never had to think of the most appropriate words for me to use. I just let my fingers running on the keyboard freely as my mind dictated it.

And now I am married.

Yes! I am! However, it slightly baffled me when I realised that there is no way I can say the words; "You will only understand it when you are married". I guess, the universe's secrets were not bestowed upon me when we said "I do"s. I have not gone wiser than before, I don't see any secret windows or undefined rainbow colours, I don't feel different, except I have extra responsibilities; which every one knows, even the unmarried ones! I must have missed something, somewhere...

I guess, in between my daily feelings about the general world as we know it, I will be oftenly be blogging about my married life. Don't worry, I have asked permission from Mr. Hubby to do this. :-p

To my non-muslim and very liberal Muslim friends and readers, a Muslim wife is required to ask permission from her husband to do something. It is not a way to control a woman, it is not in any way defy human rights or freedom of speech. It is a way to keep harmonious and respectful relationship between the wife and the husband. Contrary to popular beliefs, Islam raises a woman's level higher than a man's (you can Google this, I am no preacher).

On my personal note and opinion, just because it is not dictated anywhere that a husband needs to ask consent from his wife to do anything, it's just relevant to do the same; simply because he loves and respect her.

The art of informing your partner on what you plan to do is just so that you are both prepared if there are any changes related to it or God forbid, rumours. It is also as a show of respect to your partners feelings. It protects the trust in the relationship. So WHY NOT do it?

Ha ha ha... suddenly the contents of this post is diverted. Ah-neeway... *smirk* As I was saying, I will be sharing more about my life not because I want to be a show off or just "to be like other bloggers". In a way it's a therapy to me. If it's a bad thing that I'm sharing, it's a way to release my stress or negative energy. If it's a good thing that I'm sharing, it's a way for me to record all the blessings bestowed upon me; a way for me to be more THANKFUL. Blogging shall again be my therapy.

And if along the way someone agrees or disagrees... WHY NOT?

Doakan Yang Terbaik Untuk Kami!

As the day gets nearer, well-meaning friends and family members are offering marital advices and comments and expectations. While some are good to be followed, more than half should be taken with a pinch of salt.

These "words of wisdom" came even before the engagement was finalised. And most often than not, the phrase "you will know once you're married" (dah kawin baru tahu nanti....) will be accompanied. Sometimes it came from people who were just married for a month. Not being arrogant here, but it sounds as if once you're married all the universe's secrets are bestowed upon you...

While I appreciate their thoughts and "word of caution", sometimes it gets so difficult to stay optimistic and stay true to your believe on what relationship should be like. These words of caution can be poisonous when they are repeated time and again. My closest friends would testify that I do ask them (whether they are married or not) for relationship advices and opinions. But I tend to lean for support from people who give good advices, that can really build and nurture the relationship.

Here I list some of the "word of wisdom" given throughout the past year...

• Once you're married, only you will know how the relationship is like
• You must always let the husband win; if you want a long lasting relationship that is (mesti selalu mengalah dengan suami kalau nak berkekalan)
  
• You need to serve your husband because that's what a dutiful wife would do; if not nusyuz! And you know what, I feel happy I can cook for my husband everyday!
  
• Aha! After you're married you're chained! No more boys/girls outing!
• Since your in laws are near by, what's the arrangement like? You need to visit them every week?
  

There are others of course, but I just couldn't recall them at the moment. I tend to put the pessimistic advices behind a locked door...

Any person who gets married with the expectation that there will always be rainbows and laughter and sun, should not get married at all. This is real life lah, if during dating you have disagreements, it's only natural you will have disagreements when you're living together. If you find that your married relationship differs too much than while you're dating, that means your partner (or you) just starting to show your true colours. If either of you had to pretend to be someone else while you're dating, why are you getting married in the first place, pray tell?

While one person or a couple has certain expectations on what married life should be like, they by no means at all should expect other people or couple to feel the same way. Each relationship differs because different people are involved. Although, the essential part which is communication should be a basic trait; never generalised. You might be happy slaving for your partner day-in, day-out, other people might not feel the same way. But that does not mean their relationship is doomed. If they are happy with their arrangement, why do you think your relationship philosophy will make them happier?

Men are always thinking about freedom. So it's just natural to think that once they are married, they cannot see their male friends anymore. This is another generalisation. I have friends who successfully keep their single (and married) friends (both husbands and wives). If you're unable to do the same, you better ask yourself why. Then again, there are people who find it more enjoyable to stay at home with their partners (and kids) and nurture their relationship. There is nothing wrong with that. You do whatever makes you and your partner happy. We are too westernised these days by using the term "chained" and "hooked". If you feel that way, better ask yourself why did you get into the relationship in the first place, let alone getting married!

You might think I sound arrogant, but truthfully I feel far away from that. I'm scared people! I want this relationship to last forever, sampai ke syurga! And pessimistic statements are not the things to help nurture my optimistic preparation towards being a good wife to my future husband. I am not a girl in her early twenties anymore, who sees stars and rainbows and walks by the white sandy beaches when it comes to married life. My feet is firmly on the ground insyaAllah. Therefore my expectations are more realistic and to the heart. I do realise that being married means changing some things, adapting to others. But that does not mean you should lose yourself in the process, right?

I firmly believe that a relationship is about sharing. Not one person dominates the other. I care what advices you give to me. Forgive me if I seem not to listen; that's just me putting your wisdom behind a locked door and throwing away the key.

All I ask is, please pray for good things for Jade and CapalPerak, that our relationship is blessed by Almighty and lasts forever. Doakan yang terbaik untuk kami...

Fun with quotes!

Albert Einstein was quoted saying:

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does.

Some men say that their angels turn into ogres after "I Do". And several more marital jokes don't prove otherwise.

Now, my question is, this situation, is it because we expect these things to happen, so they do? Or it's really happening since Adam met Eve? Remember the "Law of Attractions"? Remember The Alchemist? How we're supposed to behave the best way we can, and the universe will then somehow be aligned and work for us?

We read so many books, we refer to so many scholars. And yet, Albert Einstein was again quoted saying this:

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.

So maybe, it is true when people say, the more we read the more stupid we become!

If we walk into a new relationship thinking all the bad things that will happen, isn't it just natural that those bad things will come to exist? If we can strive to be better at work to get that promotion, shouldn't we be doing the same thing for our relationships?

Winston S. Churchill once said:

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

We should not be a pessimist in love. They say love makes things go round. It's not a lie. Because of love too many things in life is happening. Don't believe me? I'll point you some examples to get you started.

• Look at wars, they are the product of love towards power and money.
• Look at divorces, they are the product of love towards freedom and no commitments.
• Look at fashion, they are the product of love towards art.
• Look at children, they are the product of love between two person in love.
• Look at flowers blooming, they are the product of love towards nature and beautiful things.

When a couple gets into an argument, they tend to forget the reason that they get together in the first place. They forget why they fell in love. They forget why they said "I do". Maybe we should always keep these reason in mind when our partners' actions tick us wrong. And maybe then we can talk within reason, and no one has to bleed from it.

If all fail, just remember this:

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea." — Robert A. Heinlein

Money, Money, Money

Money, money, money
Must be funny
In a rich man's world

Money. The only time this word makes us happy is when we get a lot of it. Other times, we lament. Sometimes all the time!

If money becomes our sole reason of being, we will be utterly lost. If money becomes the catalyst of everything that we do or want to do, we will be unsatisfied.

When they say money is evil, they are referring to the fact that money is able to make people go astray, fight one another. In the case of a marriage, it crumbles apart. Money becomes evil when it becomes the utmost importance in our lives.

Think about it. If you can spend a RM50 meal for lunch, for yourself, is it so expensive to treat the family to McDonalds? If you can spend a thousand ringgit on yourself, is it too much to spend a hundred ringgit on your spouse?

Sometimes, nurturing a relationship is very easy. And the simplest way is to not counting the ringgit that we spend on our loved ones. I've seen personally a lot of relationship turned sour because of this. It's sad, but it's true.

Money. We really have to be careful with it. And we have to be careful with our loved ones about it.

I was introduced to JARS by a friend few days back. Now, I'm sharing it with you. Let's!

A brand new day!

To those who actually texted, messaged or even called me up after the last post, I really appreciate it. Thanks for your concern. I'm okay now. :-)

I have decided that I will not be disappointed or made sad by the things that are out of my control. It's not like I did not make an effort, kan? So, it's all fated, and I accept it.

Most of the time, it's easier to be hurt by the ones who are closer to you. And because when we're close to someone, we take it for granted that certain things are expected to be done. It can happen in any kind of relationship; between parents and children, between husband and wife, between business partners, between good friends.


And like most of the time too, God sends comfort in the form of a new friend or a new reward or a change of heart. That's why we say He works in mysterious ways. Everything that happens, has a hidden blessing. So, I shall take what is offered and accept it with arms wide open. And I have a feeling it's going to be great!

In these past months, I have came to realise the things I did not see before. And because of this realisation, I am thankful and contented. I also should start emitting positive vibes, to ensure the universe works with me and not against me - The Alchemist 101. Just a small dose of it yields unexpected sunnier result.

Before the W-day...

No woman in her right mind will be happy to know that her soon-to-be hubby is attending a bachelor party.

Historically, bachelor parties are organised by the ancient Sparta amongst the soldiers to toast each other on the eve of the wedding. To welcome the new era. However, as time goes on, bachelor parties are not suitable to be organised on the night before the wedding, because, well... the activities have become more... shall we say, varied. And unlike before, it is possible to be arranged in more than just one night. And the intention is to say good-bye to single life.

The activities, have become more and more obscene (depending on your definition) to suit the male palate (a softer way to say the other thing, if you know what I mean...)


Unlike the original hen night, where women spend time to beautify themselves; facial, spa treatment, hair treatment, painting nails, etc; a bachelor party, or stag party, or buck party is where the men take the opportunity to "watch" women. They might be fantasising of the activities during the hen night even! Men, they only have one thing in their mind, and one working body part, so, go figure. :-p

And because bachelor parties have evolved to more sexual in nature, so does the hen night; a.k.a. the bachelorette parties. Apparently to get even.


Now, if you sit down and ponder a while, what good does these parties do to the couple? Make them think about the things they could not do afer they're married? Both of them will continue missing singledom? Raise their expectations of their partners when it comes to the bedroom activities? Make them bitter because after this they are only with one person and one person only, when their single friends can still fool around?

Seriously. What will it do to their future generation then?

I wouldn't want my new life be started in a wrong way. At least, to my definition, it is. Bottomline, I feel that it's just not right. These type of parties where you try to do everything you can in one night, the things that you will not be able to "indulge" once you're called a husband or a wife, are for people who are not ready to commit. But then again, pound your chest and ask your appetite... (literal translation from tepuk dada tanya selera).

No man in his right mind will be happy that his soon-to-be wifey is attending a wild bacholerette party.

It's better to indulge in a one day spa treatment, don't you think? ;-)

Thou Shall Not Cook!!

We went to the pre-marriage (or is it pre-marital?) course two weekends ago. It was more like a refresher course for some of the topics. I would've love it anyway if they dive more on the topics, but I guess one and a half day is not enough to cram marriage into the participants' grey matter.

Almost all the presenters are great. We were prepared to be yawning and heavy eyed, instead we were given the one of the best lectures we've ever had. Two of the facilitators are not so great though; one being the "doctor" who turned out to be a PhD instead of a medical doctor. He seemed in hurry to finish his segment that we were done almost an hour before the time we should have. The other one was a version of the old preacher from the 80s. During his period, yerp, we could hardly kept our eyes open.

There were several times during the course when my eyes went teary. Especially when we came to this: "Kesetiaan seorang isteri memang hanya satu; untuk suaminya, tetapi kesetiaan seorang suami belum tentu hanya untuk isterinya" (A wife's loyalty is only for her husband, but a husband's loyalty is not necessarily only for his wife). The reason why the Ustaz mentioned this is to tell the men to appreciate their wives.

In my opinion, however much it saddened us to think about polygamy, a woman has to come to terms the fact that a man has the capability to love more than once. Whilst a woman will mourn for her dead husband longer than the required mourning period, a man could get married within months of losing his wife; for whatever reasons. It is a cross that a woman has to bear and accept. :-) Sad, but true. Having said that, and having come to terms with that fact, I still feel heavy hearted to share...

We were also told that we shouldn't be so nice to cook without being asked to. Because cooking is not required from a wife, unless her husband asks her to. He he he... This is the part where Cik Far exclaimed in delight that she's sooooooo loving it.

I guess people always forget that the man has to care for the woman. Even if he only has one wife he has to be fair to her. People are always talking about how a woman should behave when they have become someone's wife, the things that she should do to ensure her husband's happiness. But never do people talk about how a husband has the responsibility to make his wife happy and fulfilled. True, a man can go out of the house without telling the wife, but did they ever think about the consequences? When his "charge" is hurt and unhappy because of his actions, he is responsible and answerable to it.

I'm scared. Ha ha ha... Who says I'm not? Six, seven years ago when I felt so ready to be married, I didn't think so much about it. I mean, what comes after. All that I wanted was a husband and a married life. Yes, I was naive that way. But, Alhamdulillah, through His grace, I was spared having probably the most wrongest relationship ever.

And although I have to wait for hmm... years to find the right fit, I'm grateful. InsyaAllah, this is the best for me that He has planned wayyyyyy back for me. But, unlike before, I am scared. Scared that I cannot be the wife that I am supposed to be. God knows how temperamental I could be. And they are not all because of the time of the month! It could just be because of that stupid parking attendant. Or that pair of shoes that doesn't have my size available anymore. Ha ha ha...

Whatever it is, I'm ready for it. I'm scared, but I'm ready, insyaAllah. And I pray that He gives both of us His guidance throughout.

When Love Hurts... Physically

There will be times when our partner, that person that we love so much, overwhelms us to the point where we lose our cool. There will be times when we feel like strangling them just because the can't stop and listen to what we're saying. There will be times when we feel like pushing him or her into a ditch just because they are clingy. There will even be times when we'd think that we're better off without them than staying and feeling the pain they cause us to feel.

But, there should never be a time where we give in to that anger and frustration and smack those feelings into their faces. Never.

Although I, as a woman, feel strongly when a man hits a woman, I've got to say that it goes both ways. But, to what extend can a woman hit a man? I mean, we've got to admit that men have thicker skin and women are weaker when it comes to strength comparison, unless of course the woman is a trained combatant.

Come on. Hitting a woman? How low can a man go? Even at your most impatient moment, you should turn around and held your breath, count to ten or hundred even. Never raise your hand to a woman. That is so uncalled for.

As we should never condone invasion into other people's land, cause mayhem and killing innocents, we should never ever say that Chris Brown (or any other man for that matter) has good reasons to beat the crap out of a woman. Shame on you.


ps: Whenever you feel like whacking your partner, take a deep breath, turn around and be apart for a while. If you really love that person as much as you believe you do, you'll regret the harsh words and can't ever forgive yourself for the harsh actions.

Happy Birthday Luv!

Today is CapalPerak's birthday. We actually had the celebration dinner on Friday. And I just realised that I did not take any picture of him devouring the Mi Kolok! Dem!

I brought him to Borneo Baruk Cafe near my office. I checked few weeks back that they have Sarawak's famous dishes on menu. And, they also play very nice songs during dinner hour. The live band only starts playing at 9 p.m. We did not wait for them since we did not have enough time. And mainly because the group next to our table was making a lot of noise, and I found it very annoying. I understand it's Happy Hour and all that, but could they not pick a different table to sit and make noise? Ahahaha... Yeah, I can be bitchy like that.

We then walked to KLCC and had ice cream; before making our way slowly with full bellies to the car.

Happy Birthday B! Here's to another wonderful year ahead!

Being Hollywod

I don't really keep tabs on what's going on with famous actors and actresses. I would only know what's going on if I read the headlines or get some insider scoops from well... insiders. Ha ha ha... And everytime I listen to the stories, I always laugh it away. I mean, it's their life right? Does not effect me in any way.

But when I heard over the news that world's famous material girl and hubbs had finalise their divorce, I couldn't help but feel a little sad. Ha ha ha... I seriously don't know why. Maybe because they are amongst the famous and seem to be strong. But then again, when it comes to Hollywood, expect the unexpected eh? Honestly, I'm kinda waiting for the Becks to split up! Muahahaha...

Anyway, relationships. What more to say about them? There are ups and downs. No one couple is spared from the turbulance. Every couple will experience it. The difference will be the magnitude and how they react towards it.Sometimes a little thing can turn into a huge nothing and causes a lot more pain than a big thing that is handled wisely. It's a choice that we make that birth the difference.

So, let's not be all Hollywood in our relationships, eh? Every one wants to be rich. Or famous. or both. But, the fact is, rich famous people do not have everything. Because God is fair, He gives some, He holds back some. And all these are because the choices that we make.

A casual talk with a customer resulted with me pondering these words: Nak kaya atau nak berjasa? (get rich or do good deeds?) - Couldn't we be both? Well, that's another story... :-)

This morning...

on the messenger...

Jade: You tak call I pun.... :-(
CapalPerak: Darling, I baru je abis buat keje kat dapur
Jade: Bukan this morning, semalam la...
CapalPerak: Owh.. I call. You jawab dengan begitu mamai sekali
Jade: Huh? Really?
CapalPerak: Cuba you check your call history...
Jade: (checking... checking.. uiks! mmg ada!)
Jade: I have no memory of that call... (as in aku tak ingat ler...)
CapalPerak: Ha ha ha ha

I was not annoyed or angry that he didn't call (as what I wrongly remembered). It's just a standard conversation that we have sometimes whenever either one of us seemed too caught up to pick up the phone and call. :-p

On the other hand, it is a fact that CapalPerak has to face my occasional emotion roller coaster every now and then. And how does he handle it everytime? With grace. I have to admit he's the patient one in this relationship. Me? Ha ha ha... I'm the Miss I-want-it-now-and-I-mean-yesterday. Lucky for me, he knows to let me rant my absurdity off and leave me be to stew. Coz he knows I will drag my feet and crawl back. :-p

So, I'm thankful. And to you mi amor, I can't promise to change, but I'll do better, okeh?

Sharing is Caring?

I believe that CapalPerak and I have come to the next stage of our relationship. It has something to do with sharing your partner with the family members.

For almost two years I sorta have him all to myself. Minus the days or nights he's out with his friends and my being back at my parents'. And minus the times we are at work or at our respective abodes. Other than that we're basically attached to the hip like Siamese twins.

It has been two months now since his sister starts staying with him. Things have change a little bit. Some of the outings are shared. There are times when we are unable to do the things that we always do together. Basically, we are in the adjusting period. He's a good man, very family oriented. And I love that about him. While I grew up with the same thinking, I also value my privacy highly.

So one night, I told him this. I shared my feelings and thoughts. And you know what? He said he understands. And he realises the changes the both of us have to adapt to. We are learning. And I have to admit, I have difficulty in the beginning sharing my thoughts and feelings for fear of hurting his feelings, for fear of him getting annoyed or angry. This phobia has to do with my errmmm... past experience which I shall not say more. CapalPerak would be more annoyed if I don't tell him what I disagree about what he's doing!

So I value this learning curve. This period of getting comfortable with each other. It has been almost two years, and the learning has not stop. I know there will be a lot more to come. It will never stop.

This morning in Fly FM, during the Fix-It slot, a couple who just gotten to know each other for 3 months wants to get married; the parents are okay but most of the relatives and friends are skeptical. So the discussion was on whether or not it's okay to settle down after three months or should the couple stretch the courting period.

All the callers gave brilliant insights, some okay with the short period, some say should wait for two years. But who's to say what's the right duration to really get to know a person? One lady caller said that she got engaged within one month of getting to know the hubby and they have now been married for 8 years. It's true when they say that if the person accepts you 100% for who you are and love you because you are you, then that's the right person to settle down with.

And mostly I believe that parents' blessings are the most important. Without which your relationship will not sail happily. Friends and relatives? Their advice can be heard and pondered on, but never should they intefere or dictate where the relationship should go. And I repeat, who has the right to determine when the honeymoon period should be over anyway? I believe as long as both partners are willing to put effort in elongating the mooshy wooshy feeling, the honeymoon period will never be over. It's a matter of choice.

Talk Trash To Me, Please?

What is it with men and profanities? I am amazed with the amount of vulgar words that they use when talking with friends and yet they are still close knit band of buddies. Let's not talk about the trash they yell when idiot drivers or mat rempits pass them by. Those are even more shocking!

I have my own share of words that I consider rude; to be used when I'm late or to idiot drivers and mat rempits or mistakes that I make or spilling juice on the sofa, etc. BUT they are always disguised with additional vowels or sounds or different spelling. No need to give examples here. I confess, sometimes, the actual words just come out as it is. The fact is that I will never use these words when talking with my girlfriends. Well, I know some of my girlfriends do, but it goes with their personality.

Men on the other hand, apparently use these words affectionately and with no judgment. I am truly amazed. Just last night, in the car, driving to dinner, Capal Perak received a call from his friend. It started with greetings that included "Waalaikumussalam" and "Alhamdulillah". The next thing I knew, between the laughter came the strings of words that left my mouth gaping open (the words weren't THAT bad, I'm exaggerating, but still I won't be using it with my friends), with disbelieving smile. The call ended with them setting a ballpark time to meet for brunch. He turned to me and said, "That was my laughing buddy".

And you know what? When we sat down for dinner, the guy sitting at the table beside us, was talking on the phone and happily use the same profanity again and again during the conversation. He was laughing. His friend, another man, who's sitting with him was also laughing.

Men. They never cease to amaze me. That is why I love them. Even if they sometimes make me feel like blowing their heads off their shoulders.