Saturday, June
19, 2010 is the day that changed my life. It happened in the early hours of the
morning. I had been lying in bed awake for hours, too uncomfortable to sleep. I
looked at the clock- 4:22 a.m. I began to debate as to whether I should attempt
the “three-point-turn” maneuver that is required in order to turn and
re-position a 9-plus month pregnant body in bed…I figured it wasn't worth all of that work and decided to stick with my current position a little longer. The
contractions had started the night before around 7:00 pm, and since then they had been coming off and on, but with no regularity, and with
varied intensity. I looked over at my husband, snoozing away blissfully next to
me, and after a completely sleepless night I was enviously wishing I were doing
the same. I decided that since we were undoubtedly going to be having a baby later
on that day, he would need his rest so he would be able to help me out later on.
Over the last few hours, my contractions had started coming a little more
frequently, but I was handling them just fine using the relaxation techniques I
had learned in my natural childbirth class. My doctor had said to wait until
the contractions were five minutes apart before heading to the hospital, and so
far, they were sporadic and mostly tolerable, so I was just biding my time. A
few more minutes passed before another contraction started, increased in
intensity to its peak, and then before it receded, I felt a warm gush of fluid.
I thumped my husband on the shoulder and told him that my water had just broken,
and then I quickly got up out of bed, abbreviating the three-point maneuver in
my haste to get to the bathroom. I waited for a few minutes, and then I was hit with a contraction so intense, and so
powerful, that I screamed out uncontrollably. My husband quickly rushed to my
side. I instinctively reached down, and was astounded to feel the top of my baby
daughter’s head. I calmly but assertively said to my husband “Call my mom-ask her to come and stay
with the kids!” Then I told him “And then call 911, because the baby is coming now!”
I
had been planning on a natural birth since the beginning of my pregnancy. My
previous two births had been successful overall, in that I gave birth to two
healthy babies. However, for me, both deliveries had left something to be
desired: My first baby was an induced labor with an epidural that ended in a
terrifying emergency Cesarean section. My second child was a VBAC (vaginal
birth after Cesarean) with an epidural that ended in a forceps delivery because
my entire body from the chest down was completely numb from the anesthetic. I
pushed her out with no feeling of pain, no feeling of pressure, no feeling of anything. It was very upsetting to me,
being so out of control of my own body. I had decided that the next time
around, there had to be a better way for me. I decided that I would much rather
feel pain than feel nothing. With my doctor’s somewhat hesitant
approval (there is a small risk of a uterine rupture in subsequent
pregnancies for women with a history of a previous C-section) and after
considering the risks carefully, we finally decided that we wanted to try for
an un-medicated birth. My husband and I started taking some natural birthing
classes, and we felt very confident going forward that this was the right thing
for me, and the right thing for our baby. The techniques I had learned proved
to be very useful, maybe a little too useful,
in that I was able to relax myself all the way into the pushing stage of my
labor without even realizing it.
The
next several minutes rushed by in a sort of a blur. Before I was able to make
it out of the bathroom, as my husband was calling my mom, I had “mega
contraction” number two. Number three came while I was passing through my
bedroom, and with it came the
overwhelming urge to push, which I barely resisted. Number four came while I
was walking through my living room on the way to the kitchen. Each time these
contractions came, I would double over in agony, scraping together every bit of
restraint that I had in order to resist pushing, although intuition was
screaming at me that that is exactly what I needed to do. At this point, my
husband was in the other room on the phone with 911, trying to explain our
situation. In my mind, I was doing some quick and desperate math. I thought to
myself “the hospital is normally a short
10-minute drive, but given the time of day, and our current situation, we could
probably get there in 5 minutes, no problem...with this plan in mind, along
with some renewed hope (seeing as though I was currently in between
contractions) I decided that the new course of action was that we were going to
try to make it to the hospital. I passed through the kitchen and out the door
that leads to the garage. I walked down the steps and peered into our small car,
seeing the two car seats scrunched in the back seat. We hadn't yet upgraded to a
larger car, and as I was looking at those two car seats, and the tiny space
between them, I started recalculating my odds. I had to face the reality that
we very well might not end up making it to the hospital, and then what? There isn't even a place to lie down in this car, so unless I wanted to take either the
chance of giving birth seated upright in the front seat of our Hyundai, or
sprawled out on the side of the road somewhere, I was going to have to come up
with a new plan. It was the inevitable second option, the “safer” option, which
I had not yet allowed myself to consider.
I
walked back up the garage steps and into the kitchen. My husband was still in
the back bedroom, still on the line with the 911 dispatcher. I could hear his
muffled voice coming from the back room as he conversed with them. No sooner
had I turned the corner and entered the kitchen that I was hit with what would
be the last of my contractions. I
knew that my time was up. It was then that these words immediately came into my mind:“You are going to give birth to this baby
right here in your kitchen, and everything is going to be fine. You are a
strong woman, and you can do this! Women have been doing this forever, and you
have the power within you to bring this baby girl into this world, even if you have to do it alone.” Absolutely overcome
with the urge to push, and without another thought, I carefully knelt down on
my tiled floor and felt below for the baby’s head. Then, it was as if my body
instinctively took over, as if it knew exactly what to do, even though I,
myself, did not. I reached my hands down and gave just one push, as I received my baby daughter’s head, shoulders, and body, all in one motion. My heart
swelled with joy and relief as I instinctively brought her up to my chest to
keep her warm, and carefully covered her with a towel. In that moment, I
remained calm, and I was not scared at all. As I sat there looking into her
beautiful face, my heart was just brimming with gratitude and joy as I watched
her take her first breaths of life, heard her strong cry, and saw her flex her
strong, pink little arms and legs. She was perfect.
Moments
later, my husband emerged from the back room, still on the line with 911. The
look on his face was priceless as he came around the corner into the kitchen,
seeing me sitting on the kitchen floor holding our newborn daughter. As I
recall, the first words that he said to the dispatcher upon this realization
were “so I guess the baby is here, then..?” My husband is pretty laid back; it
takes a lot for him to get very upset, or at least, to show that he is. He is
good under pressure, and doesn't freak out about things, which certainly was to
my advantage given this particular situation. They instructed him to get some clean
towels to keep the baby warm, which he quickly retrieved. Next, they instructed
him how to carefully tie her umbilical cord off. He did so, and then the three
of us sat huddled
together in front of our refrigerator, marveling at what had just happened until the ambulance arrived and they transported us to the hospital.
That
day changed my life in a number of different ways. In fact, the first thing I
did when we arrived home from the hospital the next day was to write my newborn
daughter a letter, letting her know what a life-changing experience her birth
was for me. In that letter, I told her how much I will always cherish the
things I came away with on that incredible day. I wanted her to realize how
much I was able to learn about myself from the experience I had giving birth to
her. I told her that I know now for certain that there is truly nothing in this
world that I can’t do. I was incredibly strengthened- in fact-solidified as a
mother, and incredibly empowered as a woman because of the experience I had
giving birth to her under such circumstances. I was so grateful that she was
able to take part in that with me. I told her to never forget the things we
learned together in our home at the time of her birth. We learned that we can
do hard things, and with Heavenly Father's help, anything is possible. We also learned that
sometimes things don’t turn out exactly as we had planned, but it is all right
because those can be the times when we can experience the most growth, if we give
room to allow it to happen.
I
don’t take for granted the fact that my daughter Rachel’s birth could have
possibly turned into a very scary situation. As fortune would have it, her
birth was not complicated, and so I can look back on that experience as a happy
memory. I am actually grateful that this happened the way it did. Because of that day, I will never
say to myself that something is too hard, or complain that something didn't
turn out the way I wanted it to. Things happen for a reason, and because of the
circumstances surrounding this birth, I know that if I can just simply accept
the situations and challenges that are placed in front of me- even the scary
ones, I can come away from every experience a little stronger, a little
smarter, a little better
equipped to deal with the next challenge that comes my way. That day changed my life, because never again will I ever question
my own capability as a mother, or a woman, or anything else. I know my daughter's birth was a miracle, and I believe this
experience was given to me as a gift, and through this I have realized that as
long as I recognize the little miracles that are constantly happening all
around me, each new day can be life-changing as well.
