Common Problems (Part 23 of 50)

Who speaks is usually less important than what the person says, especially if there are only two people present. 

• Paps began. “At the beginning of time, when the Great One created all that. . ."
• Rose asked, "Why are you here?"

Neither of the above is wrong, but it would be better to place the emphasis on what the speaker says by putting the quote first. We often don't need to designate the speaker each time. Once we know that two people are involved, we could add beats instead of speaker's names. Or, as you see below, we know the identity of the second speaker.

      Suppose Hubert comes to Rose's door.

      "Why are you here?" Rose asked.

      "I've missed you," Hubert said. "Every day."

      "You expect me to believe that?" She started to close the door.

 &nbrp;    "Just listen to me. Please."

When I write dialog, I ask myself,

"What is the most important to emphasize?"

* * * * *

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Common Problems (Part 13 of 50)

Insert beats (actions or gestures) #3. Adding too many beats makes the writing tiresome and destroys emotional emphasis.

"You know I've always loved you." Carrie laid her hand on Bruce's arm. "If you leave me now, I don't know what I'll do." Her eyes moistened. "I've never known anyone who makes me feel the way you do." She stared into his pale brown eyes. "Don't send me away." The tears cascaded down her cheeks.

In this paragraph the constant insertion of gestures jars readers away from her words. I thought of the word overwrought. Carrie is moving so much the words bear no impact.

Too many beats destroy the emotional impact.
One beat to a paragraph is usually enough.

Common Problems (Part 12 of 50)

Insert beats (actions or gestures) #2. When we insert beats appropriately we make the dialog stronger or produce a dramatic effect. Too many sentences without a break give each of them the same emphasis.

Marcus said, "Everyone will die if we stay here. There is no place of safety. The enemy will surround us within the hour and shoot us without asking questions. None of you will have a chance unless I go alone to meet them."

Marcus says four things and there's nothing significant, but here it is again with a beat inserted.

"Everyone will die if we stay here. There is no place of safety," Marcus said. "The enemy will surround us within the hour and shoot us without asking questions. None of you will have a chance," he said, and took a deep breath, "unless I go alone to meet them."

By inserting Marcus said later in the paragraph and adding a beat, the end of the dialog gives readers a few seconds to absorb Marcus's words before the powerful final statement.

Carefully inserted beats
adds drama to my writing.

Common Problems (Part 11 of 50)

Insert beats (actions or gestures) #1. Beats, when used well, make your dialog stronger and your prose more readable.

It also avoids what we call talking heads. That phrase means two or more people speak but we have no idea where they are, the time of day or year, or whether it's in the present or past.

Here's one piece of dialog from a student: "There’s no place to anchor a tent here and the slope is much too steep. And the snow will continue at least through the night. Too much danger of blowing away! We have to find Kregor and move on. If we don’t find something better, we’ll have to make a serious decision about pitching camp. In the leantime, seconds count." (This went on for four more sentences.)

Here it is again with beats added.

"There’s no place to anchor a tent here, and the slope is much too steep. And the snow will continue at least through the night." He brushed the snow off his face and shook his head wearily. "Too much danger of blowing away. We have to find Kregor and move on."

New paragraph: While the other four people stared at him, their bodies already trembling from the cold, Evan said, "If we don’t find something better, we’ll have to make a serious decision about pitching camp. In the meantime, seconds count."

The second version does two things. First, it gets us out of the talking heads. We now have a sense of the bitterness of the weather. Second, it breaks up the lengthy dialog. I call that breathing space. Readers feel as if they're in the scene by the insertion of brushing off snow, shaking his head, the others trembling from the cold.

When I insert beats into my writing
I add life and energy to my prose.