PARENTING 101 : A CHEESY CONVERSATION WITH MY DAUGHTER

This morning, I sent my youngest 6 year old daughter to her school. Since its still early, I walked her to the play ground, when suddenly she stopped, held my hands, looked straight, deep into my eyes and said;.

Arissa : Abah, whats the capital of USA

Akula : Washington.

Arissa: Whats the capital of Malaysia?

Akula : Kuala Lumpur.

Arissa: Hmmm.........am I a capital of something?

Without hesitation I answered, 

Akula : Of course, you are the CAPITAL of my heart.........

I know, I know its sounds really cheesy......................right? But thats the only thought I could come up with.

.......and I really meant it..

PARENTING 101 : JANGAN MEMBAZIR MAKANAN

When it comes to food, I am very, very strict with my children. They have to finish their nasik, bread, cereal, whatever they are eating. Punishment beckons if they don't. And if there is only little portion, ada sikit jer, they must share it with others. "Tinggal kat orang belakang sikit" my elders used to remind me and my siblings, again and again. The idea of course, was to share whatever we have with everyone in the family so that semua orang boleh rasa.

In the childhood days, there were some difficult times when we dont have enough financial means to buy lauk-pauk. I remember when everybody in the family have to share little portions of ikan seekor during dinner. To make the bland rice more delicious for our tekak to accept it, we mixed it with kicap tamin and the cooking oil that was used to fry the fish. I could still remember the taste now, which was simply delicious. At that time, we dont have much, but we make do with whatever we have.


Ayam, daging and ketam was really a luxury back then. If I remember it correctly, we only had the luxuries during the gaji time. For the rest of the month lauk were ikan kembung rebus (difficult to find nowadays, but lots of it were sold in Pasar Besar Ipoh @ Superkinta then) ikan kering, sadin cap ayam, telur masin or telur ayam. For vegetables, we had pucuk ubi, kangkung, jantung pisang, bayam, to name a few. If we were craving for some fruits, pelam or jambu air for example we just find the appropriate tree in the kampung, climbed and plucked the desired choice or throw some sticks at the fruits to get it. We usually asked permissions first but stealing fruits were not out of questions either especially if the owner was a kedekut haji bakhil type.

But even with the financial constrain, I also remember that we ate all the time. Beside lunch and dinner, there were breakfast of nasi goreng with ikan bilis halus topped up with fried cili kering, tea time with cekodok, goreng pisang or keledek or sometimes the simple ubi rebus with kelapa parut.

The food back then were simple and basic but it did the job to feed us. I guess since almost all were planted in abundance and readily available around the house or the village, we were never short of food supply. Things that we dont have, we pinjam from the neighbours and vice versa.

If there is a Maulud Nabi function or some prominent religious figure giving ceramah at our local surau, which was made compulsory for me to attend, we got to eat nasi beriyani or nasi minyak with kari daging kambing. The same goes if there are weddings in the kampung. The mouth watering rendang tok was my favourite.


Fast food was considered as another luxury, not like nowadays. If we want to satisfy our taste bud, and have a go at it, it only happens once a year, which during the first and second day of Aidilfitri, we will hit all the houses in the neighbourhood and our kampung, to collect duit raya. Then on the 3rd or 4th day, we'll go to Ipoh and spend our hard earned coins on root beer, burger and fries at the A & W ( the only fastfood outlet back then, no KFC, no McDonalds, no Pizza Hut) in front of panggung Cathay. Thats it, once a year.

We never wasted our food since it was drummed into our brains, to do such things was really bad. If we did that, the usual punishment like kena tibai dengan getah paip, or the ever popular lempang will swiftly be executed by our parents. When it comes to wasting food, thats how strict they can be. And because of that, I grew up with the thinking to never ever membazir makanan.

Thats why I am very strict with my children when it comes to food. I always tell them to remember these three things:-

i. Never membazir makanan. Finish it all off.
ii. Tinggal sikit untuk orang belakang yang belum rasa.
iii. Jangan tamak ambik banyak-banyak, kalau tak abis, kena buang jer makanan tu.

I followed those rules right up till now. Hopefully my daughters will too.

THE THING ABOUT US : LETTING GO

My eldest daughter will be going for a 5 day camping trip in St Cergue in June. This is the first time she will be away from home and I am a little bit apprehensive and reluctant to let her go. The school did give us a choice and she can skip the trip, but when I asked my daughter, she told me that she wants to go. If its up to me, I will say no. But she has made her choice, and I have to respect her decision.

Perhaps, I worry too much for such small things. But, seriously, I cant help it. My mind is running through all imaginable scenarios and all sort of possibilities, of what could be going on there in the camp. There are lot of things that I worry about. How would she eat, what if she got sick, will she be homesick, those kind of things that I or my love one usually takes care of and reminds her to do.

I am very protective of my daughters. They are not allowed to go anywhere on their own, without either me or my love one presence.


I am sure other parents in similar situation would share the same feelings.

A friend of mine, worry about letting her 19 old months daughter sleeping alone in her own room for the first time. All through the night, she kept on checking if her daughter was safe and sound. The daughter of course, survived the night with flying colours.

I guess, as parents, we cannot afford not to worry. But our children growing up process also means that we have to let them learn to do things on their own, since there will be a time where we wont be there for them. We have to let them be independent, make their own decisions, however hard that is for us.

Its worries me a lot, but I have no other option than to start embracing the fact that my daughters are really growing up. I have to learn to let go.

Tell you what.

Its really damn hard.

THE THING ABOUT US : DAUGHTERS TALES.

I sometimes wonder what goes inside my soon to be 6 year old little girl's head.

Arissa : Snow White slept for a hundred years.

I tried to correct her and pointed out that its not Snow White who slept for a hundred years.

Akula : No, she did not. Thats Sleeping Beauty.
Arissa : I know that, but she still slept anyway. And they woke up the same way. A prince kissed them.
Akula: Its a different prince. Because its a two different story.
Arissa : I know that too, but he's still a prince, Abah.
Akula : *@&*%&*^^&(&*(^*&*!

I give up!

THE THING ABOUT US - PARENTING 101

Kids.

My children are grounded for 1 month. No TV, no computer, no Ipod, no outing, no whatever. Except books. That, they can read anytime they want.

Why?

They take things a little bit to easy and for granted. They didnt do their daily chores. Kemas katil, helping their mother in the kitchen, bilik bersepah, all the everyday daily chores stuff. My love one and me really had it with them this time. Penat cakap. Penat marah.

I know it may sounds a bit strange, coming from me, but I believe in discipline. Of course, those who knows me might kutuk, "Eleh, hang pun tak berdisiplin gak masa sekolah". Which is true, but at least growing up in a boarding school did teach me something about life. Punishment beckons if we did not follow the school rules.

The children were of course devastated at first since the privileges of all the things they love to do were taken away from them. But I gave them a choice. They have to earn back those privileges. If they do whatever that was expected from them, I will consider lessening their punishment duration. But they have to proof that they can do all this without me or my love one telling them.

Its been 2 weeks.

They no longer complain they are bored. They read a lot more. The eldest started to act more responsible and always reminding her sisters to do their chores. My second daughter finished the whole Enid Blyton Secret Seven and Famous Five series. The youngest one can now read on her own without any help. Out of boredom, they became creative and created games on their own to play to pass the time. My love one and I spent a whole lot more time with them without the distraction and captivating lure of television and the online Internet gaming world.

And now, they dont need both me and my love one breathing down their neck, harassing them to do their responsibilities.

I might even extend this long time grounded thing a little bit more, since its been working very well.

THE BIG GREAT BELLY

My big, jelly like pot bellied stomach was constantly abused by my 3 daughters. It started right from the day they were born and lasted until early this year.

Perhaps I may be at fault here too since the thing was, I love to cradle my daughters, in their infant and toddler years, on my big belly, lulling them to sleep. Each one of them.

Growing up, I think they sort of adopted my belly to be their plaything. They jumped, pinched, hide their fingers inside my deep belly button hole, bit the poor thing when they were teething, and did all imaginable things as toddlers would have. They jiggled and rearranged it so it become an angry ocean in a violent storm. They pretended that its a quicksand, swallowing their little fingers to its depth, shrieking and giggling a sigh of relief whenever their tiny fingers survived the horrific ordeal. They turned it into an imaginary birthday cake or a big jelly, enough to serve everybody at their parties.

I did get angry at my daughters sometimes for their abusive behavior. But always only for a short while.

And then there were those times, when they were upset and crying, they would crawled up the belly mountain and somehow they were calmed down by just lying on it. It became their own comfort zone, land of peace and security. They slept on it with their mouth opened wide and I am sure they dreamt of the nicest dreams. They told their mother that my big, great belly is the best thing in the world.

One night last May, the youngest one with her sleepy eyes came to take her position on my belly, as usual to sleep on it. I could see she was restless and forever trying to adjust her little frame to a comfortable position on my belly. After a little while, frustrated, she sat up suddenly, looked me in the eyes and said;

"Abah, I dont like your tummy anymore, its not the same like before, and I cannot make it into a big jelly like always".

I told her that it has since shrunk because of I lost weight.

"Can you exercise and keep your big tummy?"

I didnt say anything, and shushed her to sleep. I suddenly realize that lately, their favourite thing in the world was not given enough attention as what they usually did. Perhaps they grew out of it.

That night, looking at her face, while she shifted endlessly on the once great belly, I suddenly felt I was missing something.

I miss those belly time with my daughters.