Grubhub+

Get a year of Grubhub+ free! Activate yours today! (paid link)

Audible

The first deal I want to tell you about today is Audible! You get THREE months free!! I love being able to listen to a story while I'm cleaning house or in the kitchen! Click here to sign up today...you won't regret it! This is an affiliate link. I may receive compensation for qualifying purchases.

Deals, Deals, Deals!

It's been a long time since I came here. I'm actually surprised that it's still here! If I can figure out how to get to my layout page, I'm going to make this a place to show you things you want but don't know it yet. 😉😂

Five Little Ducks. You're welcome.

So the grands were here the other night & we were watching this video....among others...trust me on that. Anywho, my oldest (born in 1990...you do the math) was watching with us & after the 1st little duck didn't come back she said go on, go ahead, y'all ain't coming back but it's ok....why does she keep letting them go??? Good question lady.

Getting healthy!

My personal friends know that over the past couple of months I've been working pretty hard to get healthy. Part of this is because my half century mark birthday is coming up in a few months. The rest is just a desire to be healthy. I've really buckled down on exercising & I've been counting calories. I've also cut a lot of stress out of my life. I feel so much better already! I'm using the site myfitnesspal.com to help me keep track of the calories & the kids have promised me a Fitbit for my birthday (I'm so excited!!). Any way, I'm putting my fitness ticker here (to show off haha) and on my sidebar (to keep myself accountable). I highly recommend My Fitness Pal. It's an awesome site! (As always, I don't get anything for saying this....it's my personal opinion.) Have a great day everyone! Ya' know I love ya'!

The ones we lost in 2016

It has been a tradition here for me to post notable deaths each year. No more explanation than that is needed. Here are the ones we lost in 2016:

January
10th 
David Bowie, 69, English singer-songwriter, musician ("Space Oddity", "Heroes", "Starman"), and actor (Labyrinth, Zoolander), liver cancer.

11th
 David Margulies, 78, American actor (Ghostbusters, The Sopranos, Conversations with My Father).

14th 
Alan Rickman, 69, English actor (Harry Potter, Die Hard, Love Actually), pancreatic cancer.

15th 
Dan Haggerty, 74, American actor (The Life and Times of Grizzly Adams), spinal cancer.

18th
 Glenn Frey, 67, American songwriter, musician (Eagles) and actor (Jerry Maguire), complications following intestinal surgery.

25th 
Mike Minor, 75, American actor (Petticoat Junction, All My Children, The Beverly Hillbillies), cancer.

26th
 Abe Vigoda, 94, American actor (The Godfather, Barney Miller, Late Night with Conan O'Brien).

February
19th
 Harper Lee, 89, American author (To Kill a Mockingbird).

24th
Lennie Baker, 69, American musician and singer (Sha Na Na).

25th
 Tony Burton, 78, American actor (Rocky, Assault on Precinct 13, The Shining), pneumonia.

28th
 George Kennedy, 91, American actor (Cool Hand Luke, The Naked Gun, Airport), Oscar winner (1968), heart disease.

March
5th
 James Douglas, 86, American actor (As the World Turns, Peyton Place, G.I. Blues).

6th
 Nancy Reagan, 94, American First Lady (1981–1989) and actress (Hellcats of the Navy, Donovan's Brain, The Next Voice You Hear...), heart failure.

8th
 Richard Davalos, 85, American actor (Cool Hand Luke, East of Eden, Kelly's Heroes).

11th
 Shawn Elliott, 79, American singer and actor (The Dead Pool, Broken City, Law & Order).

 Keith Emerson, 71, English progressive rock keyboardist (The Nice; Emerson, Lake & Palmer), suicide by gunshot.

16th
 Frank Sinatra, Jr., 72, American singer (That Face!) and actor (Hollywood Homicide), heart attack.

17th
 Larry Drake, 67, American actor (L.A. Law, Johnny Bravo, Darkman), Emmy winner (1988, 1989), blood cancer.

 Steve Young, 73, American outlaw country music singer–songwriter ("Seven Bridges Road").

18th
 Joe Santos, 84, American actor (The Rockford Files, The Sopranos, The Last Boy Scout), heart attack.

22nd
 Richard Bradford, 81, American actor (Man in a Suitcase, The Untouchables, Cagney & Lacey).

23rd
 Ken Howard, 71, American actor (1776, The White Shadow, J. Edgar), President of SAG/SAG-AFTRA (2009–2016), Emmy winner (1981, 2009).

 Tom Whedon, 83, American television writer (The Golden Girls, The Electric Company, Alice).

24th
 Garry Shandling, 66, American comedian, actor and writer (The Larry Sanders Show, Iron Man 2, Over the Hedge), blood clot.

28th
 James Noble, 94, American actor (Benson, 10, Archie: To Riverdale and Back Again), complications from a stroke.

29th
 Patty Duke, 69, American actress (The Miracle Worker, The Patty Duke Show, Valley of the Dolls), President of SAG (1985–1988), Oscar winner (1962), sepsis.

31st
 Douglas Wilmer, 96, English actor (Sherlock Holmes, Octopussy, Jason and the Argonauts).

April
6th
 Merle Haggard, 79, American singer-songwriter ("Okie from Muskogee", "The Fightin' Side of Me", "Carolyn"), Grammy winner (1984, 1998, 1999), complications from pneumonia.

7th
 Jimmie Van Zant, 59, American singer, songwriter and guitarist, liver cancer.

12th
 Paul Carey, 88, American radio broadcaster (Detroit Tigers).

16th
 Rod Daniel, 73, American film director (Teen Wolf, K-9, WKRP in Cincinnati), Parkinson's disease.

17th
Doris Roberts, 90, American actress (Everybody Loves Raymond, Remington Steele, Christmas Vacation), stroke.

20th
 Chyna, 46, American professional wrestler (WWF) and actress (1 Night in China, 3rd Rock from the Sun, Cougar Club).

21st
 Prince, 57, American musician, songwriter ("Purple Rain", "Little Red Corvette") and actor, Oscar (1984) and Grammy (1984, 1986, 2004, 2007) winner, accidental overdose of fentanyl.

May 
3rd
Abel Fernandez, 85, American actor (The Untouchables, Pork Chop Hill).

 Marianne Gaba, 76, American model and actress (Missile to the Moon, The Choppers, The Beverly Hillbillies).

8th
William Schallert, 93, American actor (The Patty Duke Show, The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis, In the Heat of the Night), President of SAG (1979–1981).

19th
John Berry, 52, American musician (Beastie Boys), frontal lobe dementia.

Morley Safer, 84, Canadian-born American journalist (60 Minutes), pneumonia.

Alan Young, 96, English-born Canadian-American actor (Mister Ed, The Time Machine, DuckTales).

24th
 Buck Kartalian, 93, American actor (Planet of the Apes, Cool Hand Luke, The Rock).

June
3rd
 Muhammad Ali, 74, American boxer, Olympic gold medalist (1960), three-time WBC world heavyweight champion (1964, 1974, 1978), septic shock.

6th
 Theresa Saldana, 61, American actress (Raging Bull, The Commish, I Wanna Hold Your Hand), renal failure.

14th
 Ann Morgan Guilbert, 87, American actress (The Dick Van Dyke Show, The Nanny, Grumpier Old Men), cancer.

17th
 Ron Lester, 45, American actor (Varsity Blues, Popular, Good Burger), liver and kidney failure.

July
19th
 Garry Marshall, 81, American director, producer, writer, and actor (Happy Days, Pretty Woman, Murphy Brown), pneumonia.

30th
 Gloria DeHaven, 91, American actress (Summer Stock, Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman, Out to Sea), complications from a stroke.

August 
2nd
Terence Bayler, 86, New Zealand actor (Monty Python's Life of Brian, Time Bandits, Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone).

David Huddleston, 85, American actor (The Big Lebowski, Blazing Saddles, Santa Claus: The Movie), heart and kidney disease.

16th
 John McLaughlin, 89, American political commentator and television personality (The McLaughlin Group).

19th
 Jack Riley, 80, American actor (The Bob Newhart Show, Rugrats, Spaceballs), pneumonia.

23rd
 Steven Hill, 94, American actor (Mission: Impossible, Law & Order, The Firm).

25th
 Marvin Kaplan, 89, American actor (It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World, Alice, The Great Race).

26th
 Paul Comi, 84, American actor (Cape Fear, The Towering Inferno, Rawhide).

29th
 Gene Wilder, 83, American actor (The Producers, Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory, Young Frankenstein), screenwriter and author, complications of Alzheimer's disease.

September
9th
 James Stacy, 79, American actor (Lancer, The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet, Something Wicked This Way Comes).

11th
 Alexis Arquette, 47, American actress (The Wedding Singer, Pulp Fiction, Lords of Dogtown), cardiac arrest.

24th
 Bill Nunn, 63, American actor (Do the Right Thing, Spider-Man, Sister Act), leukemia.

25th
 Arnold Palmer, 87, American Hall of Fame professional golfer.

October 
24th
Bobby Vee, 73, American pop singer ("Rubber Ball", "Take Good Care of My Baby", "The Night Has a Thousand Eyes") and actor, Alzheimer's disease.

November 
7th
Leonard Cohen, 82, Canadian singer-songwriter ("Hallelujah", "Suzanne", "First We Take Manhattan"), poet and novelist (Beautiful Losers), complications from a fall.

 Janet Reno, 78, American lawyer and politician, first female U.S. Attorney General (1993–2001), Parkinson's disease.

11th
 Robert Vaughn, 83, American actor (The Man from U.N.C.L.E., The Magnificent Seven, Hustle), acute leukemia.

13th
 Leon Russell, 74, American Hall of Fame musician (The Wrecking Crew) and songwriter ("Tight Rope").

14th
 Holly Dunn, 59, American country music singer-songwriter ("Daddy's Hands", "Are You Ever Gonna Love Me", "You Really Had Me Going"), ovarian cancer.

24th
 Florence Henderson, 82, American actress (The Brady Bunch) and singer, heart failure.

25th
 Ron Glass, 71, American actor (Barney Miller, Firefly, Lakeview Terrace), respiratory failure.

30th
 Alice Drummond, 88, American actress (Ghostbusters, Awakenings, Doubt), complications from a fall.

December
4th
Peter Vaughan, 93, British actor (Game of Thrones, Brazil, The Remains of the Day).

7th
Greg Lake, 69, English singer and musician (King Crimson, Emerson, Lake & Palmer), cancer.

11th
Alan Thicke, 69, Canadian actor (Growing Pains, Not Quite Human), talk show host (The Alan Thicke Show), and songwriter, ruptured aorta.

14th
Bernard Fox, 89, Welsh actor (Bewitched, Titanic, The Mummy), heart failure.

17th
Henry Heimlich, 96, American physician, inventor of the Heimlich maneuver, complications from a heart attack.

25th
George Michael, 53, British singer (Wham!) and songwriter ("Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go", "Careless Whisper", "Last Christmas"), suspected heart failure.

26th
George S. Irving, 94, American actor (Underdog, Me and My Girl, The Year Without a Santa Claus), heart failure.

27th
Carrie Fisher, 60, American actress (Star Wars, When Harry Met Sally...), novelist and screenwriter (Postcards from the Edge), complications from a heart attack.

28th
Debbie Reynolds, 84, American actress, dancer (Singin' in the Rain, The Unsinkable Molly Brown, Irene) and singer ("Tammy"), stroke.

31st
William Christopher, 84, American actor (M*A*S*H; Gomer Pyle, U.S.M.C.), small-cell carcinoma.

This list is by far not all the notable deaths from 2016. It is however filled with people I knew, or rather knew of, and admired. May they all RIP.

Random thoughts snatched from my mind

Sometimes the urge to write is so strong that I can't deny it even when I have no idea what I want the subject to be or if there will even be a subject. Today is one of those days.

I feel like I have a lot on my mind lately but it's all a jumbled blur. It's like life is speeding along and I'm trapped on the shoulder like a broken down old car, unable to keep up, watching in dismay as lights rush past me. I have no idea how to get the thoughts out of my mind except to start typing. I guess we'll find out together what the thoughts are....I haven't got a clue.

As many of you know (my dear longtime readers...thank you for sticking by my side), I've had an unusually large amount of traumatic things occur during my lifetime. Each item affected me in one way or another, but the most drastic changes have happened over the past six years (5 years, 9 months, & 3 days if you want to get technical about it).

I've changed. I look at life differently. I know that I won't live forever and I want to savor every good thing the world has to offer between now and whatever day I'm scheduled to depart this body. I don't want any more bad. No more conflict. No more pain.

I know that's just a fantasy. There is no way that I can live the rest of my life without conflict or pain. But I can hope. I can live each day trying to avoid it. I can love with all my heart and turn my back on the bad stuff. That's what I try to do any way.

I try to take care of the Earth. I won't litter (not even a cigarette butt). I try natural items to solve most issues (peppermint oil for ants, Dawn for bagworms...stuff like that). I live and let live when it comes to all creatures (humans included) as long as they don't bother me first. I even buy items from companies that are trying to help the world (One example: Better World Books sells high quality books at a fraction of the normal price and donates largely to world literacy. And no, I don't receive anything for saying that.). So I try.

I'm far from a perfect person. I say things I shouldn't say. I do things I shouldn't do. Some days I eat more than I should (and all the unhealthy stuff, thank you) and don't take my walk. I smoke. I curse. I can be very unreasonable and immature. But I try.

So why do I feel so incomplete? What is missing in my life? I have a deep feeling that I am heading towards something. Something big. Another life changer. I have no idea what that something big is and I'm not sure I'm ready for it. I'm scared half to death. But I feel it. It's close. Very close.

And so I wait.

Sometimes there's more crazy than adventure to my life

Been thinking a lot lately about my life & how I want it to be. I'm definitely NOT where I want to be but I'm closer now than I used to be.

There are a few things keeping me from living the life I want to live. I say, let's take full advantage of my over-analytical brain and explore these things.

Well....first I'd probably be a smartass and say that I can't live the life I want because I'm not a millionaire. There's no money hidden in my mattress or buried in my backyard. There's no super rich relative just itching to give me all their money. But that's just me being silly. Money has very little to do with happiness.

Yes, some money is needed to be happy. You need a place to live, food, clothes & electricity is nice too. Companies/landlords/etc. tend to not just give you free stuff though so, yes, some money is needed.

But millions? It'd be awesome but it's unnecessary. Besides that, I am a realist and know that I'll never have millions any way so why put that kind of pressure on myself?

So need #1 is enough money to get by on a daily basis. Well, I've got that now. But....(you knew there was a 'but', didn't you?) physically I just can't keep doing the kind of work I do now (and have done for the past 35 years). That means search for something physically easier on me. An office job maybe. The future will tell that one.

The second thing I need to live the life I want to live is true friendship. That one is way harder to come by than money. Money is easy compared to finding good people who are true in who and what they are. I see deeply into people. I know exactly who is on my side and who can't wait to stab me in the back. I was really doing well in this area. Had a whole gang of people who I believed truly loved me. Then they started dying. Over the past 10 years so many of my cheerleaders have left me. I feel like I'm standing all alone on a sandbar in the middle of the ocean and there's no boat in sight.


I don't include my children in that group. They will always be by my side in one way or another. That's not a worry of mine. But a person needs other people that are like them. People they can trust. People they can say anything to and know they won't be judged or hated. People that they can act totally stupid around. Be completely wrong around and those people will still love them. They may call you out on it later, but they know you well enough to know that you just have to get it out of your brain before your head explodes. Those are the people that make me happy. I need those kind of people in my life & they just keep leaving me here.

Some days I just want to go be with them. Just forget everything & go. Be done. Then other days I never want to go. I want to be 500 years old and still going strong. Silly, aren't I?


I miss my friends though. Every single day.

Ahem, sorry, back to the subject at hand....

So money & friends. What else is there brain? A good location would be nice. Somewhere near a beach. I love the ocean.

And love. Love would be really nice. Just to know there is one person that you mean everything to and that wouldn't want to live without you. I say love....maybe companionship would be a better way to say it.....no, scratch that, love is the perfect way to say it. Because I miss it. I miss having someone to talk to, to cuddle with and watch movies, to sit at the table and eat good food with.....

Sigh. I think I'd better shut my brain down now. It's tired, if you couldn't tell. And if I don't I may ramble on for two or three pages and never really say any thing. Y'all take care & I'll be seeing you soon.

I'll be in my pillow fort coloring if you need me

So, let me tell you about my morning so far....

 

I don't know what time my granddaughter Helen got here but I know that I had only been asleep since 4ish so it couldn't have been more than three hours since I closed my eyes. She refused to let me sleep....smooth insisted that I watch Winnie the Pooh with her. So after a couple cups of coffee, I got up and started working on stuff for today. Monday's are my Family Day when all the kids & grandkids come eat a big supper & hang out with me. 

 

I baked a pie shell.....and dropped it. Was going to the store to get another one & my weirdo neighbor was standing near my driveway staring at me. He really sends the weirdest vibes. He stares at you like the kids in Children of the Corn looked at the intruder adults. Any way, that's a whole different story. I watched him watch me through my rear view mirror as I pulled away. 

 

Totally creeped out, I continued on to the store. Then I nearly got run off the road by some idiot who thought they had to drive 50 m.p.h. down Main Street. I got their tag number as they flew past the work truck in front of me. Mind you, this is a two lane street. 

So I made a side trip over to the Police Station. Yep, I'm a tattle tale. You're not going to endanger any of my grandchildren that way and not get in trouble for it. 

I finally make it to the store, get my pie shell, and make it back home. I'm making the filling for the pie...open the pie shell....and it crumbles into a million pieces. Ok, maybe not a million but it did crumble. A lot. 

I gave up. I'm done for the day. I'm going to watch cartoons and eat candy. 

(Note: I didn't completely give up. I did fix the shell and get the pie made.)

However long it takes

A dear friend of mine lost her soulmate & best friend recently. She came over last night and we drank some wine and talked, laughed and cried for hours. I hope I was able to help her some. I know she helped me. You see, I'm still grieving almost six years later.

Over those six years I've faked my way through a lot of different situations. I'm still faking it on so many levels. I've surrounded myself with memories. I see Tim everywhere I look in this little house of mine. He's always by my side, in my head and in my heart. That will never change.

Last night I dreamed of his final days. I heard him telling me how much he loved me. I held him. I felt his kiss on my forehead. I love him so much still.

Right before I woke up (I was somewhere in that between dream and reality place), I heard him telling me that he was proud of me. That I was doing good and to keep following my heart. To do what makes me happy. That happiness was everything.

I've been thinking about making changes in my life. Making it simpler. Now I know that that is the right decision. Because Tim told me. (Thank you babyluv. I needed that.)

Split

On one hand, I'm very happy with my little life. My children and my grandchildren. My little house. My dogs. Me.

On the other hand, I want to run far, far away and just start over.

I'm still walkin' and talkin' (kind of...)

*sighs* I've done it again. Neglected you for months and months. I'm sorry.

I have been thinking about you more and more lately. Does that help? That's about all I have to offer you.


I remember the days when I wrote to you every day. When I read your blogs every day. Life has gotten so hard since Tim died. It seems like all I do is work.

I take that back. Lately I've been doing more. The past year, I have started living again. I've been getting back into my photography and my art. And I've been going more places. I take a mile walk every day. It's hard on me physically but my mind loves the down time. I try to go out somewhere nice to eat at least twice a month now. And I go to more "functions" (birthday parties and such). It's a big step from not leaving my house at all.

I lost a lot over the past 5 years and 8 months. I've lost time that I just can't get back. I've lost family members to both death and to my inability to be a normal person. I think what hurts the most about the second reason is that people couldn't reach out to me and stay by my side when I was unable to reach out to them. But you can't control how other people react to your grief and how you deal with it.

I'm the type of person that is simultaneously disgusted by people and saddened for people. For example, the other day while I was grocery shopping, a lady stopped at my cart and asked me if I was looking for good cheese.

I thought, "Leave me alone! Why the hell are you bothering me?? I don't know you! Let me grocery shop!"

But I said, "I'm looking at the provolone cheese..." At which point she showed me an ad for a different store..

I thought, "Good, this is almost over. She just wanted to show me a cheaper price."

And I said, "Oh, that IS a good price. Thank you."

Then she said, "Let me tell you about THIS." and put her stranger hands on my head of lettuce! I am freaking dying inside right about now.

I then spent the next 15 minutes listening to the evils of my lettuce and other assorted grocery items.

Inside my head I was screaming, "Get your filthy hands off of my poisonous lettuce that I can't wait to take home and eat!!!"


And then another voice--a nicer, kinder voice--thought, "She probably doesn't have anyone. Nobody to talk to about any of this stuff that makes her scared. She probably thought you looked nice & would listen to her."

Meanwhile, outside my head, I'm smiling and shuffling my feet a little and trying to say "uh huh" and "really?" in all the right places.

She laughs a tiny little laugh and says, "Listen to me. You must think I'm some crazy old woman. I should just go home and shut up."

My mind thinks, "You definitely are a crazy old woman."

And my mouth says, "You're fine honey. You have a nice day & thank you for letting me know about the lettuce."

I felt like I had won something right then. A Good vs. Evil kind of deal and Good had prevailed. I was a little proud of myself.


So anyway.....complicated, that's me. I'm getting back more and more of the good me every day. It's a journey. I'm glad the path brought me back here for a minute. Maybe I'll stay longer this time. We'll see.

Out of my mind

2016 has been a year of death so far. I've lost family members, friends, people that I admired, celebrities, pets. It's been a little more than I can handle.

All of this loss has my mind seeing just how important living is. I can see the things that matter clearly. Actually participating in life has become my priority.

I work full time. I used to work because I had to work. Every hour I could squeeze into the day was spent earning money. Don't start thinking that I'm going to say something like I don't have to work like that anymore. I do.

But now I work smart. I work to live, not live to work. I love my job and the people I work with and appreciate every single thing they've done for me, but that is not my whole life. My down time has become very important to me. When I'm away from the job it doesn't even exist to me. Some people try to make me feel guilty about that. I feel like they want my job to be my number one priority. I'm sorry, it's not. Living is. You should try it. It's pretty nice.

The ones we lost in 2015

I know I'm a couple weeks late. I also know this isn't usually how I do this post.... It's hard for me to do since Tim died even though I am still just as obsessed with celebrity deaths as I was when Tim was alive. By the way, this isn't my video. I found it on YouTube. Any way, here we go...

Just an old lady's thoughts

Before I start this (one sided) conversation that we (me just talking to myself but doing it here so that you are forced to participate) are about to have, I'd like to state that the things I am going to say do not pertain to the youth of today in general (at least I hope they don't) but are, in fact, based on people I actually know.


I've noticed that there is a lot of unprotected sex going on these days. That's scary. Did we as adults not learn anything from our youth and the sometimes deadly diseases that are out there or did we just not think it was important to pass that information on to the younger generations? We should be teaching our children to value themselves and their bodies.

And what's with the attitudes? They act like they are so much better than everyone else. And God forbid you should ask them to do something a certain way. That is just unacceptable in their eyes. Do it and get ready to suffer the wrath. They can destroy the world in one look. Since when did it become acceptable to act so hateful in public? I'm not saying I'm perfect. Far from it. But 99% of the time I try to keep my attitude in check and only have my fits at home. Well....maybe 98% of time...I do have my moments.

Now let's talk about rules. Adults (most of them that I know) generally follow rules pretty well. Teens and twenty-somethings are a different story. It's like they don't believe the rules pertain to them. Have I just reached an age that I have resigned myself to being a rule follower and don't understand (or remember) being young and breaking the rules? No, I don't think that's it. I think that most of the people I know just truly don't care. They care about what they want. What makes them happy. Nothing else.

Which brings me to my next complaint: They have no consideration of other people. Did what you say hurt someone's feelings? Oh well, no big deal because I was just stating my opinion. If you don't like it then too bad. Did you inconvenience somebody by doing something? Oh well, no big deal because I did what I wanted and that made me happy. You should have been selfish too and done what you wanted instead of worrying about other people. 

*sighs* I could just go on and on but what's the point? We created these people. We are to blame. At least I know that my children aren't always guilty of these things. Not that they're perfect either. They've made their mistakes. They've had their moments too. But I'm proud to say that they learn from their mistakes. That they show respect to people and try not to be selfish. Most the time. 

My Thanksgiving story

I have been neglecting you faithful friends and I'm sorry for that. I truly have no excuses as to why I've hidden from my writer. I've known she was awake for a while now but I've just closed the curtains, pulled up the covers, and slept.

I have been quite ill (still not a valid reason for ignoring you) and have drifted through the days which have turned into months and then into years. Recently though, I awoke at the grocery store and that is the story that I wish to tell you.

I was doing my Thanksgiving dinner shopping along with every other member of Pittsburg County and the three surrounding counties. The aisles were packed full of people and shopping carts. Arms reaching up and over and past each other, trying to get the last can of French Fried Onions before someone else could. I shook my head several times in disbelief but continued to make my way through the sea of people, quietly gathering the items on my list.

I turned onto the baking aisle, noting that it was clearly the busiest aisle in the store. There was a lady in a wheelchair who appeared quite lost and tired. I heard her ask a lady about my age if she knew where the baking powder was. The lady replied without looking at the questioner, "Yeah, about halfway up this aisle." She then turned her glance on the woman and with wide eyes that could only express hatefulness said "on the top shelf" and turned back away.

With some effort, the lady in the wheelchair attempted to get herself turned around but wasn't having much luck because of the number of people standing there. I touched her on the shoulder and asked her if there was a particular brand. She quietly said "the one with the little girl on it but please don't trouble yourself." "Nonsense," I replied. "You wait right here." I made my way down the aisle, retrieved the baking powder that she wanted and was heading back when I saw the lady that had been so rude earlier. I smiled my biggest smile at her and kept walking.

When I finally managed to make my way through the crowd and give the lady her baking powder, she was so visibly grateful for my help that it made my heart swell. That night when I prayed, I thanked God for still allowing me the use of my legs. I also prayed that the lady I helped had a wonderful Thanksgiving with her family and, in a moment of humbleness and understanding, I prayed that the lady who could not be bothered to help a fellow human being had the same as well.

Some comic relief

I know I've been all serious and stuff over the past few days. Here's a little something to lighten the mood. I know it made me smile...

What is a writer?

What is a writer?



I'll start off by saying that I very much meant to phrase that question the way I did. I find it more fitting to ask what a writer is instead of who a writer is. I believe a writer is made up of many facets. There are many things I draw from when I am writing.

Past experiences, future hopes, people, places, smells...they all add to whatever message it is that I am trying to convey when I sit down to my laptop. I have been blessed (and cursed) with a memory that rarely fails me. Because of that my posts generally start out in one place and end somewhere totally different. Not always, but in general. I tend to wander a lot.

I find it very insulting when people treat my writings as homework. As a way to learn things about me or because they think it will get them a foot in the door with me. Well, that's a little bit of a misstatement. I want people to learn things about me. To know what I like and don't like. But I don't like people to just scan my work so that they can act like they read it when they really didn't. They miss the whole message by doing that.

And I feel like I have a lot of messages to share. That my trials and tribulations and the way I handled them and rose above them could actually help somebody else get to where I am now. That perhaps my negative could help provide their positive. That's my hope any way. That I will make a difference to somebody, somewhere.

In my minds eye, I keep that hope wrapped gently in tissue paper and nestled into a small, golden box that is put away in my heart. There it will stay forever, safe and secure, only being brought out during times of sadness or loss. That's when we need what is kept in our hearts the most and so that is when I allow it to come out and hold me up.

So back to my original question: What is a writer? A writer is a storyteller. A dreamer. A creator. A simple person with a complex mind that wants to help people in any way they can, even if it's just to distract them from their every day existence. In the simplest of terms, a writer is hope.

Hello Strangers

As I age, my mind tends to drift more towards the fact that this ride won't last forever and less towards things I have to do. Over the past 7 1/2 months (since my 47th Birthday), my mind has taken me to that dark place so many times that I've lost count.

I've come to a few conclusions thanks to these travels.

First and foremost, I've decided that all I want to do is be happy. Actually, everything leads back to that specific thought. Happiness: My only desire.

Yes, I have a responsible side. I have a job. I pay my bills. I'm a good little soldier and do what I'm supposed to do when I'm supposed to do it. But I won't let that consume my life. A friend of mine said to me "We work to live not live to work." and I hang on to that statement and repeat it to myself like a mantra when things start to dig their way into my mind. And trust me, it doesn't take much digging to get in there. There are lots of side roads and back roads and alleys to slip in through and even though I've built lots of walls and fences, things still slip through all the time. I'm far from perfect.

I've always had this idea in my head that once I turned 50, I would be where I wanted to be, doing what I wanted to do. That day is fast approaching and honestly, I have no idea where I want to be or what I want to do.

Several years ago I was right where I wanted to be, doing what I wanted to do and I thought that was it. I had found my place. But then my husband died and my world crashed in around me. I've wandered around lost since that time. Finding pieces of myself here and there along the way. I've slowly built myself back up.

This may sound totally selfish to some of you, but right now I can't let other peoples drama or issues affect my life. Right now, it's about me. Kathy. Because honestly, Kathy is the only one who does anything for me. Kathy is who is important.

Not that I don't love my people. My people are awesome. I love them all very much. I couldn't imagine my life without them. They fit me. We are family (and not necessarily by blood). We are a tribe. But the size of my tribe is small and getting smaller all the time. You are only as good as the members of your tribe and if those members are spewing negativity then that will poison your tribe. That poison will spread from person to person until nothing is left except the bad.

So slowly I've been ridding my tribe of negative people and negative situations. My general attitude has been that if it doesn't make me happy then I need to just walk away. Some ties are harder to walk away from than others. Some will take more time to completely cut but eventually, maybe by that 50 year mark, I'll get it done. That's my goal any way.

I'm not going to tell you that you'll see me here more. We've seen what happens when I say that (I post for a week or two and then disappear for 4 months). But maybe, just maybe, I'll be around. Peace and love people. Peace and love.

Find it

I find myself waxing nostalgic this morning...

I believe in love.

I believe in peace, happiness, positive energy...all that make-you-feel-good-deep-down-in-your-soul stuff.

I believe that if you focus on the negative, then your life will be negative.

Look for that butterfly. Look for that smile. Look for that love. It's there. You just have to look for it.