Take A Hint

What I wanted to say was, "Actually, you can't take a hint!"

Let's back up:

Three Days Ago...

NotMiranda and I went to one of our favorite bars that happens to be about 40 minutes away. We always have high hopes of flirting with cute guys with accents while there, but have fun even when that doesn't happen. Well, this time it happened. Oh boy did it happen.

We had been there for a bit and were maybe three drinks in when NotMiranda teased a man standing nearby for drinking a sissy drink. That led to about an hour or so of fun conversation that you'd expect at a bar where three adults are drinking. Except for our round of "Ask questions!" we partook in, I said or did nothing that led this man on. He asked for my phone number and as we exchanged those, I said I would let him know the next time we were out that way (Ya know, in a friendly way). There was no hug goodbye...no touching at all. No promise to go out with him.

The next morning he called me. And early.

That afternoon he texted me. So I wrote back and also said it was nice meeting and I would let him know the next time we went back to the bar.

And he wrote back asking me out. Or more, "Let me know if you'd like to go out." To which I replied, "I will...talk to you later."

Then a day or two later I get another text inviting me to the bar and I say I can't get out that way on work days. At this point I am trying to be nice, but not lead him on like I am going to go out with him later.

Then he asks me out for a specific date and time. Oy.

I don't like turning people down. It's really difficult for me, but at this point I had to. I can't have this bar be off limits because I am avoiding some guy. So I replied and made a joke (because that's very "me") and said no thank you, but I would let him know when we're back out that way.

Annndddd he replied saying, "Don't worry, I can take a hint."

Really? Can you?

Why is this so difficult? I feel like I was unjustly put in the position of having to be blunt. If I had been drunk and touchy at the bar then yes, I would understand the persistence, but I wasn't! I've learned the hard way not to lead guys on in a bar because it might end with you having to get the eff out of the situation, but I did not lead this guy on. I guess I'm annoyed that I was put in the position of having to step outside my comfort zone and deal with this.

~NotCarrie

Mr. No Name

I have a good story to tell you, but before I do that, I have to tell you about this guy I met. Er, sorta met. Okay, I have no idea what his name is, but I totally have a crush on him.

He was buying a CD by a band I totally love. I immediately imagined us listening to it as we dozed on the couch. And then he inquired about the soundtrack to Blue Valentine and I couldn't stop myself and told him that I am so excited to see that movie. He agreed and asked if it's playing around here yet. I said that it's only in the city and he made the same face I did about that. Then we talked about the controversial NC17 rating that was knocked down to R.

I made my friend follow to see if he was alone and he was. I wish I had known that while I was talking to him. I have had some awkward moments flirting with guys who have girlfriends. I would like to avoid the scary girlfriends.

I hope I see him again. He was tall, with dark hair. Our babies are going to be so cute.

Group Of Unmarrieds

Every once and awhile my single friends and I will wonder, "Why are so many of us single in our group?" And it's true. Save for a few, the majority of us are unmarried and really, there aren't many of us even dating anyone.

So why is that? What makes us different and why do we seem to have found each other in friendship?

I was thinking about this the other day and went about it scientifically. Okay, more like observationally, but I want this to sound researched and sound.

First I compare myself and my friends to other groups that do have mostly hitched members and thought that maybe other groups are more attractive than we are. Well, no...that's not it. For one, what is attractive differs for each person. Also, none of us are ugly nor do we smell or make weird faces. So looks can't be it.

Is it because we don't date a lot? I will readily admit that I am not a dater and most of my friends are not either. But then I thought about a few of my friends who are always dating and trying out new guys and they're not married either so that can't be it. The number of boyfriends one has had seems to make no difference as to the likelihood of being hitched now.

Is it because we never go out and are hermits in our houses and apartments? Oh wait, that's not true. We all go out a lot. We all have hobbies and social lives that put us out there quite often.

So WHAT is it that makes a person or a group of people less likely to be married by the time they're 25-35? And why do we all seem to be friends with each other?

NotCarrie

Reflect

Can a person know they're in a torrid love affair while it's happening? Or is that the type of thing you know only after the fact?

Style

Everyone has their own style of flirting, right? Do you ever compare and contrast your style to someone else's? I do! I was out recently with a friend and an attractive and charming guy was nearby. It was so interesting to notice how we both interacted with him.

I am more of the type to just be engaging and friendly. I don't want to act too differently than my normal day to day self. I would never use a *line*: "Wooowwww, do you workout???" That would never escape from my mouth. I like to flirt more with my smile and my eyes. If it gets to that point, touching his arm is the best.

I have noticed other styles that include being very forward, being the damsel in distress, and being coy, to name a few.

"I'm here because I wanted to see YOU." Kinda forward. It's nice and complimentary, but how does the guy reply? "Er, thanks." It can go poorly quite easily! I think some guys would eat that up, but it's essential to guage his reaction and change tactics if he seems confused by it. I've also had friends who straight up talk about sex immediately. I find that to be weird. Don't be a tease...or a slut.

"Oh why would you talk to little old me?" "I'm so drunk! *hiccup*!" UGH damsel in distress. The worst kind of flirter. I hate it when girls totally change their personalities around a guy. I think it's to be expected to act a little differently around someone you have a crush on or find attractive, but I am not in distress so why would I want some stranger to save me? This is not a romanctic comedy. This is life and tomorrow I'm still going to have to pump my own gas and carry my own groceries in.

Being coy. Hmmm....a sly side smile, brushing a hand on a leg, using lots of euphemisms. I think this is a classic case of a shy girl with a wild inside. I can actually see myself possibly being coy at times, but I had enough experiences in my early 20s when I was being coy and the guy thought I was being forward and it got to the point of, "Um, no. I will not be going home with you." I definitely learned that it's better to be straight forward. A euphemism is great if it's done for a laugh, but otherwise, don't make things confusing.

What's your flirting style??

Digital Getdown

People keep telling me to try online dating.

"Try it! It's a great way to meet people!"

"A ton of people meet their perfect matches on there."

"What is there to lose?"

I think about online dating every so often. In fact, I've thought about it enough that I'm actually on a site or two, but I'm not sure it's for me. I went through a few weeks where I made sure to look at profiles and *wink* and rate people who interested me, but my participation would always end when someone wrote me. I got a really nice message from a guy who thought it was cute I described myself as a fun dork, but I never wrote back. I meant to, but I didn't know what to say and I kept thinking about it getting to the next step and I would either imagine a terrible phone call or a terrible meeting. And it's not like I don't have social skills. I have good social skills! In fact, the other night I realized I am often in the entertainment position in a group of people. I'm pretty good at keeping awkward moments at bay and keeping conversations going. I'm not sure why I can't see myself on a date with one of these guys, but whatever it is, it's keeping me from really doing this whole online dating thing.

What's the new percentage of couples who meet online? 75% Seems high to me. I think it would be different if I was sitting around my apartment and wondering why I wasn't meeting anyone. You know, if I worked 80 hours a week and didn't interact with anyone new all week. But that's not me...I am out all the freaking time. In fact, when I think about having to set up dates with people I meet online, I think, "But then I won't be able to hang out with my friends so much!" Who is to say the perfect guy isn't out at the same bar I frequent with my girls? Maybe he's not online. I have absolutely nothing against this whole online dating thing, but I think I'm going to go about finding love my own way for now.

~NotCarrie