Can't hate you
Not that I'm still holding grudges against you or wishing I have never met you before. But yeah, you deserve this.
I hated that you have the same name as my favourite singer a few years back.
I hated that you got to be my first.
I hated how you smoked so much and lied to me about it.
I hated how you always take me back into your arms after a fight.
I hated how I failed to have self control whenever I'm near you.
I hated seeing you at uni with some other girl, pitying her yet unable to do anything.
I hated how you could tell me the world is flat and I'd still believe you.
I hated how you could always tell if I'm lying.
I hated how happy you made me in those 2 months, and how I really thought I was loved by you.
I hated how insecure you made me feel after all that, and how I would cry so much everytime I hear a song that reminded me of us.
I hated that you told me I have the sweetest voice you've ever heard, and how I fell for all your sweet talk.
I hated that you would never know that I found out about you cheating on me, and that I would never have the courage to confront you.
I hated how you promised me the future you painted in my mind- a beautiful one.
I hated how much I had to act like nothing is wrong and laugh when all I wanted to do was to cry myself to sleep.
I hate the fact that I would forever remember you as a mistake I should never make in the first place.
Most of all, I hate the fact that as much as I want to hate you, I can't bring myself to do it.
Untitled
Unfortunately, MANV didn't turn out as well as I expected. The test on Tuesday went horrigible for me, I would be happy to just PASS the terms test. Oh well, my mistake for not thinking straight that day. When the answers were discussed, I felt like banging my head against the wall for knowing the calculations and answers, but just didn't thought about them during the exam. =( That means have to work extra hard to get high marks for finals, or else will have to result to getting a low pass for that paper.
***
Academic stuff aside, I've set up a new site for Lighthouse connect group, link can be found here. Pictures and messages will be posted up as soon as I have the inspiration to do so, please feel free to comment on it, even if you think there might be a better hosting site other than asia groups. I was thinking of multiply, but hesitated. Should I have chosen multiply instead?
Autumn is here
As time passes on, the now reddened leaves, is separated from its source of life, and rests on a foreign land. One leave resting on top of another, slowly forming a crimson carpet that stretches as far as an eye can see. Without any support, they now depend fully on each other, and follows willingly wherever the wind blows. They know it does not matter where they will land next, as they are bonded together by an invisible string guiding them in this journey.
***
Autumn is lovely, don't you think?
It acts as a middleman between the hot-and-humid and the cold-and-rainy. Sort of like a stage of preparation, to get us ready for the cold blast just ahead. The red leaves serve as a cushion to support us if we ever fall, eases the pain, and helps us get up on our feet again. Without autumn, can there be winter, spring or summer? They are all interdependent, fully trusting on each other that each season will come. For if one season decided to ditch the group, the other seasons would cease to exist, and the world would be thrown into chaos.
Nobody ever says that autumn is their favourite season. The more popular favourites are either summer, spring, or even winter (for the snow-lovers). Though it isn't mine too (spring is), I'm beginning to appreciate this wonderful season more and more each day. I'm looking past the fact that Dunedin autumn translates to rainy, windy, and chilly; but focusing instead on the fact that changes are inevitable, and the only way we can truly grow is to let the changes change us for the better.
"and so it will be, as you are recreating me
summer, autumn, winter, spring"Nicole Nordeman -- every season
Back to simplicity
Hopefully I won't get bored of this one too quickly.
***
MANV test (15% of final grade) tomorrow night. I SHOULD be studying now. Yet I'm more excited about the BBQ during home group tomorrow. Something is seriously wrong with me.
***
Lately, I get annoyed really easily. Easily here means that I don't even have the patience to study at the lower levels of central library as I can't stand people walking up and down all the time.
So if you're trying to look for me at uni, know that you'll find me at the uppermost floor of central library (at least 5 hours on Mondays and Wednesdays). It's quiet, there's connectivity for my laptop, and did I mention the view is the best you can get? The only annoying thing is that since there are less than 30 seats on that floor, the uni couldn't be bothered including a toilet there. How "convenient". Maybe that's a way of getting us lazy bums to exercise more. Meh.
Another view I get by studying there is a pretty good view of the "celebrity squares". If you don't already know, the squares is the name given to 4 floors/rows of about 10 cubicle-type rooms for a more "private" study area. Last year when I went to the library around 8am, the squares were already filled up, every single student busy typing away on their laptops, most of them having headphones on.

I have no idea why people like studying there; if I were sitting in one the squares, I would feel as if I'm "on display". Nonetheless, I wouldn't mind sitting there once just to know how it feels like, provided that there are still empty spaces by the time I got there.
Mafia til the morning
But I have to stress this part: MAFIA was fun fun fun!!! We started playing at around 2am at the flat after Greg's surprise birthday bonfire gathering/mafia game at the beach just after midnight. There was around 10 people playing: the perfect number for fun mafia.
I was really hoping to be one of the important people, but sadly I was always chosen to be a faithful civilian. How patriotic. :P It was extremely fun to see Yen's reaction as I know exactly how she would react to everything when she's the mafia. So whenever she looks at people with those big eyes that carry that woo-i'm-the-mafia-but-am-trying-to-act-as-normal-as-possible look, I'll grin at her and then get accused of being the mafia-in-accomplice. And then, the accusation game just goes on and on til morning, literally.
Looking forward to lighthouse connect group this Tues/Wed (time to be confirmed tomorrow), as there will be more new people joining. Woohoo! Come to think about it, a new connect group is always HARD to form, and having so many regulars coming each week bearing testimonies of how God has blessed us (even in the smallest details) makes my heart warm. I really am proud of all those who've put in effort in building up this small close-knitted family fully supportive of each other. Next possible upgrade: new speakers, keyboard amplifier, and drums? =)
Looking back
Well, one of the main reasons I blog is the joy I get from browsing old blog posts.
From bad grammar to horrigible photographic skills, we've been through those days. Days when we were oh-so-carefree and studies were the only worry in our minds. Oh, and bad hair days too. Come to think about it, I've always hated my hairstyle throughout my high school life.
Anyway, I think that there should be a rule where bloggers are required to look through their previous posts, say every 2 years just to see how far they've come, and how much they've grown throughout the years. It really is an awakening to see the difference.
Snippets of my old posts:
Mock exam results are ok gua...except for chinese. blah. I'm just forever sucky in that subject, no matter how hard I study for it. bluekkk... Still not happy that when I asked my chinese teacher to add 1 more mark...just 1 more mark to help me get at least a B, she ended up cutting 2 marks off my paper again...which leaves me with 58 marks only... sheesh. Anyway, I don't really care about what position I'd get in the class already, unlike other exams, dunno why exactly... maybe I'm more matured now??? [October 2004]Notice the "gua"s, "blah"s, "sheesh"es? And who could miss out the 3 dots at the end of each sentence. Speaking of which, what happened to my punctuation?! Gosh.
When did you last stuck your head out of a car window, and just let the wind blow your face? Every Sunday evening after badminton, I'd always stick my face out of Kev's car, and just enjoy the feeling. Indescribable. Sounds silly, but really, it's great. Why not have a try yourself? [February 2005]Hmm. I SOUND more mature now, eh? The capital letters are actually there! Improvement is satisfactory.
ah. saturdays. got up around 10, still groggy and feeling cold. esther invited me to hang out with e sizone youth for a movie. so went to westfield, had Cambodian lunch, then watched "Hitch" at Ken's place. nice movie! didn't know that it's a romantic comedy. haha. a lil awkward though, since i'm e NEW girl n everyone's alwez asking if i'm cold, or simply asking me to help myself to e popcorn. neways, really appreciate their hospitality n craziness. haha. [June 2005]
New life at Christchurch, NZ. Seems like I left my capital letters behind in Malaysia. ;P
So it's now only 11 days to go before I'm back in Kuching again! Ahhhh my beloved home town where all the delicious food and all the nice super kepoh people are! And that's where all the clothes are cheeaap and not Kiwi-ish. But Christchurch has caught my heart somehow too. The beautiful scenery, friendly and warm people, 1-storey malls... gah. I'm torn between 2 cities! These are the times when you wish you can be in 2 places at a time! [January 2006]
Starting to love Christchurch. Capitals are back, but so are the over-exclamations. Oh well. Then I switched over to Multiply for about 5 months, before coming back to good ole blogspot.
Then there were SNOW!!!, my 19th birthday surprise, the fabulous and unforgettable Queenstown trip, Auckland visit (see here, here, here, here, here, here, here and here!) and so much more memorable writings here.
So yes, I do spend some time writing stuff here, not really caring who actually finds time to read it. It's not because I have an obligation to do so, but writing all these is just like writing a little autobiography/events journal. Or blogging can just be a random thing I do at 2am when I've had too much caffeine. =)
Brooke Fraser's Albertine Tour 07
Brian Platt from Parachute Music was the opening act for the night, singing 6 songs in total, changing acoustic guitars 3 times. hehe. Good songs, but I would prefer having a full band supporting him instead of just the guitar for all the songs.
The anticipation was obviously there as people waited anxiously for the "beautiful and bodalicious Brooke Fraser" (quote: Brain Platt) to arrive on stage. I sat quite far back, so I missed out the chance to see her upclose. =(
The opening song was "Deciphering Me", the first single off Albertine. Following that was some songs from her previous album such as "Without you", "Better". and "Lifeline", and other songs from the new album.
The band was awesome! The drummer/keyboardist was a guy from Detroit, keyboardist/violinist was a red-haired Irish girl. I just love the way they switch places and roles between songs. Love the versatility. Brooke also played another keyboard for some of the slow songs, switching to the acoustic guitar for other fast songs.
Perhaps the thing that people will leave the concert with is Brooke's sense of humour. Or rather, her attempt in making jokes. The most outrageous one was something about people eating placentas. Yeah, that was very random. =) Her down-to-earth character made the concert all the more interesting and memorable.
Anyway, there were 2 parts of the concert that I really enjoyed. First was the time when she was babbling away about the placenta story, then she suddenly turned to her back as if talking to someone behind her, asking "Is that you, Jesus?" There were many whisperings going on in the town hall after that; I was just curious about what she heard (if any). Definitely interesting.
The other memorable scene was when we thought it was her last song for the night as she clearly said her thanks-for-coming speech and went backstage, leaving the stage empty and dark. The surprise was when she came back a few minutes later, sat in front of the keyboards and performed another 2 songs! How cool is that?!
For those in other parts of NZ or Aus and if you truly appreciate quality music and a fun night out, it's still not too late to get tickets for Brooke Fraser's tour! It is, and always will be, one of the best concert I've ever attended.
the number 3
***
Film review aside, here's something I enjoy but have little time doing:
3 Word Answers: MUST USE 3 WORDS.
1. Where is your cell phone?
To my right.
2. Boyfriend/girlfriend?
Loving being single.
3. Hair?
"Red golden retriever" =)
4. Your mother?
Understanding patient awesome.
5. Your father?
Workaholic caring stern.
6. Your favorite item?
My beloved Waszowski.
7. Your dream last night?
A horrigible nightmare.
8. Water’s the best?
undervalued human resource.
9. Your dream boy / girl?
Far far away.
10. The room you are in?
Needs new furniture.
12. Your fear?
Loneliness and betrayal.
13. What do you want to be in 10 years?
Bolder wiser me.
14. Who did you hang out with last night?
The whole of flat 4/777.
15. What you’re not?
A house maid.
16. Are you in love?
Always and forever.
17. One of your wish list items?
A keyboard amp.
18. what time is it?
One eleven a.m.
20. What are you wearing?
Blue cow pajamas.
22. Your favorite book?
My sister's keeper.
23. The last thing you ate?
Chicken tofu rice.
24. Your life?
Full of randomness.
25. Your mood?
Happy for Easter.
26. Your friends?
Gave me reason.
27. What are you thinking about right now?
Nothing. Should sleep.
28. Your car:
Future mini cooper.
29. What are you doing at this moment?
Sniffing, texting, hoping.
30. Your summer?
Turning into winter.
31. Your relationship status?
Very de single.
32. What is on your TV screen?
Pee as two.
33. When is the last time you laughed?
Movie hours ago.
34. Last time you cried?
Many weeks ago.
35. School?
Hiatus. Easter holiday!
I'm currently suffering from sleep deprivation. Been sleeping at 3am for the past few days, until my left eye is bloodshot; either from lack of rest of some bacteria infection. Ugh. Which means no contact lenses for the next few days.
Playing the synth at Southside tomorrow, gives me the goosebumps. I've played there before, but it was for the night service, therefore less pressure. Great song, but have at least 30 chords in a single chorus. Pressure pressure if I miss a single rhythm and mess up the timing for entire song. Aiks!
A good friday
Explanation: the guy who asked Jesus to save them is expecting a miracle, a proof that can show him that God is real, and that people shouldn't suffer just because of the fact that there is a God. Though we often relate this to non Christians, many believers actually do this every day without realising it. When we're faced with problems or trials, we always expect God to make it right straightaway and blame Him for the misfortunes. Then there's the other guy who asked Jesus to remember him when He got to heaven. That guy was probably the only one who believed that Jesus died for his sins, and was so confident that he will be going to heaven! (Even the disciples were skeptical about Jesus' death being the ultimate sacrifice for us all). How ironic is that?!
Anyway, the service was awesome, as always. There will be a new song on Easter service at Southside, called "Show me Your glory". Instead of just a pianist at normal services, for this Easter, Ellise will be on the keyboards, Michelle on violin, and me on the synth. The sound is just breathtaking, can't wait for the real thing!
After service and some hot cross buns, we went to the Gypsy Fair just to see how a gypsy's life is. There were caravans all across a field, and makeshift tents selling handcrafts and souvenirs, fire shows and other performances, tarot card readings, games and so much more. Everything was so gypsy-ish, I almost felt as though I was back in the 16th century Europe. Everything was too magical to explain, so I'll let pictures to do the talking!
then spend April to Oct making the handicrafts for sale!




