Jake - Can One

It was Sunday and it was my second full day in Morgantown. Carley's parents were thankfully on a diet and that meant no big Sunday dinner that I could ruin by opening a can of mystery food and trying to make it work with whatever they would have slaved over. Instead, we were left to "fend for ourselves" in the dangerous land of "the kitchen."

Seizing the opportunity to show myself as a worthy hunter, I dove into the refrigerator drawer and wrestled some salami, jalapeno cheese, and lettuce away from its icy clutches. My delightful safari companion began slaying microwavable Kung Pao chicken bowls , so I turned my attention to the can I had picked out.

My hunter instincts tried laughing at the can, but it laughed back. Its coat was covered in deterrents, much like the way poisonous berries are brightly colored to warn and prevent eating.

The head simply read: "BEST BY APRIL 2010."

My hunter instincts were simply not prepared for this. As I slammed the can into the opener, I thought I would still win against this ancient menace.

The orange paste that looked up a me didn't worry me....at first. I thought it was simply a can of yams (like the giant one I gave John). Needless to say, yams don't go well with Kung pao or salami/jalapeno sandwich.

[The contents: Canned Pumpkin.]

The first bite of this...stuff is when the worry set in. It was cold and wet. Those are the only words I could use to describe it. Cold and wet. Like a diaper. A really old diaper. And since it kinda looked like baby food, this fits.

I initially tried to eat it cold and plain....it didn't work. A big thank you to Mr and Mrs Phillips for showing me their stash of brown sugar. And they have a microwave.

So...it eventually came down to swallowing giant spoonfuls of the stuff like I used to do with peas (so I still do it with peas...whatever). The only real reason I was able to get through this bowl of ancient goop was due to Virgil's Black Cherry Cream Soda. Bless you Virgil!

--Jake W.