P90X: An Epilogue

After my wife and I realized that our gym was a) getting boring, and b) kind of a dump, we decided to give something else a try.

Enter P90X.



My guess is that everyone has at least heard of the fitness program; I’d wager that most people who regularly stay up past 11pm have taken in some portion of their ubiquitous infomercial.

The basic gist is that you are to diligently follow the workout and meal plans (or, in P90X parlance, “bring it”) for 3 months. After this time, they promise, you'll be ripped, shredded, and altogether awesome.

The program appealed to us because they weren’t selling some BS, spend-45-minutes-a-week-in-your-basement path to fitness. There was no CGI showing how a $999 machine (12 easy payments!) made your abs red (working HARD!) instead of blue (not working!).

P90X has a much more honest approach: work really hard, push “play” every day, and you will get into great shape.

So we took the plunge, determined to follow the program as strictly as we could. Below are my semi-organized thoughts.

First Things First:
This program is no joke. It is HARD. You will be sore as hell for the first week or two. You have to really want to do it; otherwise, you’re wasting your money. Also, look at the “Fit Test” online to see if you’re ready to do the program. I thought I was in okay shape, but I barely passed some of their minimum qualifications for the program.

Equipment:
We bought the DVDs and literature on eBay (around $80). We bought a pull-up bar ($37) and a set of heavy-duty resistance bands ($70) on Amazon. We bought a yoga mat at Target ($10). We already had one yoga mat and a set of 15 lb. and 20 lb. dumbbells. Total cost was about $200, or 5 months of gym fees. Not exactly cheap, but we’ll never have to buy any of that stuff again.

The Workouts:
P90X comes with 12 workout DVDs. There are 5 resistance workouts (4 upper body, 1 lower body); 4 cardio workouts (kenpo/martial arts, plyometrics, core synergistics, and a generic one they suggest for when you don’t feel like REALLY working out); yoga; an ab workout; and a stretching routine.

The Program:
If you follow the workouts strictly, you’ll be going at it 6 days a week. My wife and I did over 90% of the workouts as scheduled, which required quite a lot of planning, discipline, and coordination. The workouts alternate between resistance and cardio for three weeks, followed by a slightly less intense 4th week. Then, the two upper body workouts are swapped for two different upper body workouts for a month; the final month alternates the two programs.

The workouts are, again, HARD. Our first workout was plyometrics (jump training), and I was winded after the warm-ups. I made it halfway through before I had to quit because I was tempting death.

Here’s something that will rule out P90X for a lot of people: it takes a LOT of time. If you follow the program strictly, here’s what a typical week would look like…

Monday – Chest and Back (60 min), Ab Ripper (15 min)
Tuesday – Plyometrics (60 min)
Wednesday – Arms and Shoulders (60 min) Ab Ripper (15)
Thursday – Kenpo (60 min)
Friday – Legs and Back (60 min), Ab Ripper (15)
Saturday – Yoga (90 min)
TOTAL: 7 hr, 15 min per week

It’s a lot. It can be a drag, especially toward the end. We did almost all of this, but usually the additional 15 minute ab workout is what fell by the wayside. To be honest, we have both admitted that we wouldn't have made it through if the other person hadn't been there for support, encouragement, and accountability. Also, knowing there was a finite 90-day timetable made it more bearable.

The Meal Plan:
Before starting the program, they had us calculate how many calories we’d need based on our weight and activity level. My calculations indicated that I would need to eat well over 3,000 calories a day, including some 12 oz. of lean meat every night for dinner. If I had a personal chef, I would have been glad to oblige. Instead, getting home and finishing our workouts after 7pm some nights meant we ate what we could. The recipes and such actually looked pretty good; I just can’t eat at 8:30 every night.

As it was, I followed a careful diet for the first 8 weeks of the program. I ate lean meats, nothing fried, lots of vegetables, extra protein. I stayed very close to the ingredients they listed in the plan. In two months, I had zero burgers, one order of fries, and two slices of pizza. I even limited my beer intake to about 2 a week. For me, this dietary discipline is as impressive as sticking to a workout plan 6 days a week for 3 months.

I also abandoned the diet after 8 weeks. Why? See below.

The Results:
Let’s be honest: most people get into working out to lose weight. If that is your goal, P90X is NOT the workout for you. After 8 weeks--and eating fewer calories than the program suggested—I weighed exactly the same as when I started. My wife GAINED a couple pounds. It was a little frustrating in that sense, because even though you know you’re improving your health it’s easy to get hung up on that number. It was really frustrating for my wife, because she wasn’t looking to add muscle.

And—here’s the positive part--we both added a lot of muscle. My biceps now have stretch marks. Women who work with my wife ask in awe if they can touch her arms. I can see actual ab muscles, even if they’re somewhat obscured by my something-less-than-flat midsection. After walking by a mirror at home, we sometimes have to stop because we see a new calf or shoulder muscle that we’ve never noticed before.

From a fitness standpoint, I in the best overall shape of my life...at almost 36 years old. I nearly tripled the number of pushups I could do at the beginning. I went from being unable to do a pullup to being able to do sets of 8, partially healing a bum shoulder in the process.

Most surprising? I feel FAST. This is totally new to me. In my first softball doubleheader this summer, I was on 1st base and a teammate was on 2nd. On a base hit to the gap, I nearly caught him at home. It’s unreal. I feel like a damn gazelle.

So what now? I took a few weeks off from the madness to get my bearings. Last week I did a couple of the weight workouts to ease me back into things, though the heat has made it difficult to find the energy to do anything at full intensity.

However, I do think I will be doing at least some of these workouts on a weekly basis for the foreseeable future. No more 6-night-a-week madness, but something. There are enough different workouts to keep it interesting, and I worked too hard to let myself regress completely.

Questions about our experience with P90X? Feel free to post them below.

Overheard at the Gym

After I finished my workout today, I climbed off the cardio machine du jour and removed my headphones.

A woman, probably about 40 years old, was on the elliptical in front of and to the right of me. She was talking to a girl, probably 13 or 14 years old. I'm assuming it was her daughter.

As I walked past them to return the magazine I was reading, the girl says:

"What are 'show-ers' and 'grow-ers'?"

My head whipped around to catch the mom wrinkling up her forehead, as if puzzled by the question.

The guy on the machine next to her happened to be taking a sip of water, and he did the most wonderful, honest spit-take I've ever seen. As he coughed the excess water away, the mom said, "Well it looks like HE might know!"

The guy looked mortified, and he violently shook his head side-to-side as he tried to gather his speaking voice.

Finally, he said, "That's WAY out of my jurisdiction. I would suggest that you [the mom] look it up first and proceed with caution."

Beautiful.

Creatures of the Gym

My fiancée and I typically hit the gym together on Wednesday nights after work. Most of the year, we tend to see a lot of the same people week after week.

Things are a little different at the first of the year. The regulars are there, but as everyone’s New Year’s resolutions kick in, there is a noticeable flood of new faces in January that slowly dwindles until about mid-February.

You can tell who isn’t going to be long for the gym world. There are some who aimlessly walk around, looking sideways at the weight machines but never getting on any of the ones they don’t understand. They’re intimidated by the machines and are too embarrassed to ask anyone how to use them. Men tend to worry they’ll look weak, and women tend to worry they’ll look silly. Either way, the fear of embarrassment prevents them from getting anything out of their visit.

There are others who simply look miserable. They get on the elliptical or treadmill for 5 minutes, put it on way too challenging a level for them, start gasping, and walk away with their head down. Maybe they lie down on a mat, struggle to do 4 situps, and give up because they figure they’re too far gone to ever get in shape. Or maybe they try a yoga class because it seems fun, but they get discouraged because they can’t touch their toes and the other students are standing on their heads.

I feel bad for these two groups, because they really just need a little instruction, reassurance, and encouragement. They need to know how to get the most out of their time, and a reminder that a sedentary person’s fitness level improves very, very quickly. Mostly, they need to know that tangible results aren’t far off.

On the other hand, there are those who I simply wish would leave. There aren’t many at my gym, so they stick out like sore thumbs.

Grunters.

People on their cell phones while they’re on the cardio equipment.

Jackasses who talk to people in the two groups above about how you absolutely need to eat 12 times a day and work out 6 days a week, thereby destroying what little desire they had to be there in the first place.

Oh, and this other guy.

One of the new faces last week caught my attention. He was fairly douchey looking--tribal tattoo on calf, bad fauxhawk (I know that’s redundant)--but not epically so. Oh, except for one detail: he was wearing sunglasses inside to work out.

He moved at glacier’s pace from machine to machine, nonchalantly sitting there between sets and halfassing his workout. Then, something about his mannerisms made it all click in my head.

As my fiancée and I walked around the track, she mentioned the guy. “What’s that about? Did he sit on his glasses and have to wear his sunglasses to see?”

No, these were Fake-leys (yes, he’s that guy) and there is no way they’re prescription.

“Does he just want to avoid eye contact? Maybe he got punched at the bar.”

Well, that’s a distinct possibility, but you're giving him too much credit.

I think there’s a more likely explanation.

He was trying to check out some ass.

The way he would sit too long on one machine, then move for a better view when the girl got on the leg curl machine. You know, the one where she lays on her stomach.

The way he stopped in his tracks, pretending to play with his iPod, while a girl was stretching in the hallway.

He thought he was discreet, but it was blindingly clear to me.

Look, my gym is certainly not a meat market, but by definition there are a lot of fit women in tight clothing. And no one is pretending there’s no mutual checking out going on.

But by putting on the shades, he’s basically putting a pervy spotlight on himself. Sorry, but you’ve gone too far, jackass. I’m onto you.

Best Exercise Device. EVER.

A few days ago, I was between exercises at the gym when I heard one girl tell another girl in passing, "I wish I had arms like yours."

The second girl said, "Thanks!" and continued with her routine. The first girl may not have known this, but the second girl is a personal trainer. At the time she was approached, she was targeting her triceps with a rather formidable dumbbell. She was really straining and struggling to finish, her last repetition a real challenge.

A couple minutes later, I saw the first girl finishing a set on the chest press machine. Her last repetition was as easy as the ones before it. She was using the absolute minimum weight possible. In other words, she was coasting. She wasn't pushing herself in the slightest, which is kinda the point of working out.

My first thought was: she'll never have the arms she wished for.

But now, I realize the error of my ways.

Behold...the Shake Weight.

Ladies, it's time to work out.

"Dynamic Inertia" never looked so sexy.

A Hypothetical Situation: Your Thoughts?

Let’s say you go to the gym on your lunch hour.

Let’s assume they have a lat pull machine like the one below, and hey, lat pulls are on your list of exercises to do today so you have a seat.
Now, bear with me here--let’s say there is a seated leg press machine directly to the right of the lat pull machine. It’s a little nicer than the one below because it’s “gym quality”, but the image gives you a visual that will be more useful in a moment.



What if, and this is a big “what if”, there’s a 20-something girl doing leg presses.

For shits and grins, let’s say she’s wearing shorts that are as short as the ones in the picture…but they’re not form-fitting.

By random chance, her form happens to be less than optimal so that with each rep, her legs spread as much as they bend.

To further the hypothesis, you are temporarily unable to do your lat pulls.

Why? Because you just saw…you know…”it”.

Did you really? You check yep sure enough you did now look away dammit.

You stare at the floor to your left until your peripheral vision tells you she’s done with her set.

Just when you think it’s safe, your eyes slide right to make sure you’ve got the “all clear”, but she’s still sitting there, legs open, resting before her next set.

You half-heartedly slide the pin up about 4 plates, do the quickest, most half-assed set you can do, and get the hell out of there.

You do the rest of your lifting, wondering to yourself whether you should say something.

When you go to do your cardio, let’s say she ends up on the machine next to you.

You’ve already been thinking about whether you should say something. But how the hell do you…what do you…how?

I considered saying, as kindly, discreetly, and privately as possible, “I wavered on whether I should say this, but thinking about it, I would want to know. I’ll just say that you might not want to do leg presses while wearing those particular shorts.”

But I didn’t. I couldn’t.

What would you have said? Would you have said anything?

Automaton (Doot Doo, Doo-Doo-Doo)

I’ve never enjoyed working out. It’s monotonous, inconvenient, time-consuming, and is a rather boring way to spend one’s time. I understand the benefits—really, I do—but they’ve never been enough to keep me coming back for more than, say, 6 months at a time.

For reasons beyond the scope of this post, my energy level had dwindled pretty significantly over the past couple of years. This led me to join a gym several months ago. At first, I was a bit lax about attending—usually about twice a week while keeping my diet the same. Strangely, I started to gain weight. I had maintained the same poundage for over 3 years, and now that I was moving around my weight was creeping up. I know what you’re thinking—maybe I gained muscle—but the amount isn’t really feasible given the amount of weight gain and what I was doing in the gym.

To nip it in the bud, I decided to go to the gym five straight days and make sure I didn’t eat/drink anything questionable. The next week was almost as strict. This required discipline, mostly on the diet end of things. Beer and food taste good, you may have heard.

I lost about 7 pounds. In two weeks. It wasn’t really all that hard.

This scares me, because now I am left with a classic angel/devil dilemma.

On one hand, I am curious to see just how far I can push my body, given proper work/fuel/discipline. I’ve always been reasonably athletic, but I’ve never really just pushed the holy hell out of myself. What might be the results? Do I owe it to myself?

On the other, why don’t I eat and drink whatever I want, since I can easily drop the weight if it starts to creep up?